Remember Me

Chapter 26: Be Better, Do Better

It's been a rough few weeks ever since Declan Black decided to resurface from the grave. It's really taken a toll on me and Carver, him especially. He doesn't talk much or interact even, it's almost like he's running on auto-pilot. Whenever addressed he just nods. It doesn't help that I'm the only person he'll talk to at school. Well by talk I mean he's talking to me but it's not the same; it's like he's running on empty. Whenever Lulu tries, he just gives her the same treatment as everyone else, by nodding or sometimes say, "Uh huh." It's...depressing to say the least. Everyone's on edge.

While my mom was really appreciative of Grandpa George's hospitality, she didn't quite exactly agree with his methodology of taking matters into his own hands thus becoming the law himself. Instead, she decided to call the sheriff. And to no surprise, it didn't turn out too well.

"Listen, without any solid physical evidence, you have nothing. For all I know, this is all hearsay," Sheriff Hampton questioned.

"Are you fucking kidding me? Pardon my French but you have to be absolutely out of your damn mind if you think the clear bruising around his neck doesn't count as physical evidence," my mom said furious, pushing me to the forefront.

"I see that but how do I know that his boyfriend didn't do it? My brother's told me all about these two. They're just being dramatic. Kids are like that you know?"

"I can't believe what I'm hearing right now. How dare you!" my mom barked, slamming her palms against his desk as she hunkered down to meet him at eye level. "My son and his boyfriend are good kids! They would never hurt each other. Are we clear? Never."

"Oh will you relax? It's just a joke," he said readjusting his name placard to be perfectly parallel to his desk.

My mom rolled her eyes and shook her head at him. My mom doesn't usually get mad at people. Her patience is usually the toughest to crack but trying to get Sheriff Hampton to even lift his finger was irritating and frustrating. She hit him with a few expletives and even stared him down making him and myself flinch. Note to self, never make her angry. She's terrifying in her own motherly way.

"You're a cop. It's your job to protect us, not just the people you suck up to, but everyone. Do your damn job!"

"I don't think I like your tone. If you don't like my performance, take it out with my boss. Bet you won't though," he snickered.

I watched as my mom continued to glare down at him as she began to ball up her fists. I quickly grabbed her shoulder. I didn't want her to do something she'd later regret. She didn't even flinch or acknowledge me, she just relaxed her hands slightly, dragging her nails across his desk until they fell off the edge like heavy weights.

"What do I have to do to get you to lift a damn finger?"

"I can think of a few things," he winked.

"You disgust me."

He didn't respond, only chuckled to himself as he traced his fingers against the wood grain of his desk.

"The people of this town mean a lot to me. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for them. However, I have bigger fish to fry. If you can't prove to me that the things you said actually happened, then my hands are tied," he replied standing up from his desk, a slight grin shown upon his rat face. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have a meeting to attend to with some very important people at my family's country club. Please see yourselves out."

So since Sheriff Hampton doesn't want to do his job to protect people, just his people, my mom has a set of rules I must follow for her peace of mind. One of her rules is that I have to report to her before and after each class. I don't really have to go far. She always seems to free up her schedule and meets me outside of class. It's a little excessive but I get it, she's just worried about us, not just me, about Carver too.

Just like Grandpa George, with rule two I'm supposed to call or text her if I feel unsafe or if I feel something's amiss. She gave Carver the same talk Grandpa George gave me. I didn't even tell her at first about our little talk, not until she shared her peace but worded a little differently. I think he half expected to get chewed out by her because he feels responsible for everything that happened to me so to get the complete opposite reaction from her really caught him off guard. There was a slight twinkle in his eyes after the talk my mom. I think he was just really appreciative of her after everything.

She even has Mr. Lane on it too. Thankfully though, I don't have to contact him. He's already my teacher so that'd be weird. So that's how many adults watching our backs? Literally all of them. If Sheriff Hampton thinks he has eyes and ears everywhere, he would be wrong, dead wrong. Rule three is that I have to share my location with her indefinitely. It's not like I sneak off anywhere to begin with so I assume this is just another one of her safety measures.

I know I'm supposed to be appreciative about it and I am, but at the same time...it's a little hard to breathe now with everyone on high alert. I've been a little antsy too though. I could have sworn I saw his dad watching us from afar again but they've all been false alarms. Maybe paranoid would be a better word for me. I've been following Grandpa George's instructions too. Which means I've been calling him every single time (and obviously my mom too). I feel bad since they're all false alarms, but he says that it's good practice or whatever and to stay diligent. Carver hates whenever I call though.

"Why'd you call him for?" he asked in a huff. "I thought you were calling your mom, because that's what we talked about, but then my grandpa shows up instead? Why? Why would you do that? I told you I have it handled."

"I-I thought I was helping," I responded, trying to hide my hurt feelings. I never told Carver about my conversation with his grandpa. Maybe I should have already, but now it's a moot point.

"What did he say to you?"

"Um...he was just grateful that I called him. I won't call him again if you don't want me to though. I just thought that he should know."

Carver shook his head and bit his bottom lip.

"Just let me handle it okay? You don't need to call anyone but your mom. But tell me first, okay? Don't just call without telling me."

"I-I'm sorry," I said wiping my watery eyes with the back of my hand.

"Why are you—Fuck! It's because of me isn't it?"

"N-No, it's fine. Y-You're fine. I'm just being a crybaby."

"It's not fine! Stop saying that! Nothing about this is fine!" he said raising his voice.

I stood there, flinching at his biting words. I know things are tough right now and I shouldn't be acting like such a crybaby but I can't help it. I'm not cold and emotionless like some that I used to know.

"Fang, I—," he stopped himself before he could finish what he was going to say to me. Instead he pulled me into his warm embrace. "Forgive me. Please forgive me. I-I didn't mean to be such an ass. I-I just have a lot on my mind and I know it's no excuse. Be mad. Scream at me. Retaliate in some way. Just please don't cry. It hurts when I see you cry, even more when it's my fault."

His fingers pressed against my back, shaky. He kept rubbing his eyes against my shoulder. I could hear faint sniffles. It was pretty clear that he was crying into me and he wasn't hiding it very well.

"I-I know," I whispered back, accepting his embrace, caressing the back of his head with my hand. "That's why I'm trying to take some weight off of you. I can see that you're hurting. Just tell me how I can help. I'll do anything."

"Just stay with me. I know I'm asking for a lot already but please be patient with me while I try to figure all of this out. I don't mean to push you away, it's just instinct. I don't want to lose you too."

"I'm not going anywhere, I promise."

"You promise?" his voice cracked. "I'm such a fucking mess right now."

"Yes I promise. And it's okay, you still have me. I won't let you go, no matter what."

"I promise I'll do better."

For the most part, I'm able to quell his growing fears. Whenever I see him spiraling, I hold his hand or hold him in general until he comes back to reality. It hurts seeing him like this. If only I were stronger, then he wouldn't have to worry so much. I need to do something, be a better shield. I need to do my part in making him feel safe and secure.

Speaking of, Carver's grandparents tightened their security around the house. Just last week they installed several cameras in and outside of their house, and I think they now have their own security system from none other than Chambers Security. There have been talks about getting a dog too but Carver's been arguing against it. It's not that he's not a dog person, in fact if it weren't for the looming doom, he'd be all for a dog, just not when it's a response to someone's existence. While all this tech is easing the worries off of his grandparents, the weight of it all is just crushing him even with my help.

Oh did I forget to mention that we're not allowed to walk to school or walk home from school anymore? I mean it's fine, we have the car back but it's just a lot more involved now. At this point, it'd probably be better if my mom or his grandparents drove us to school. But they don't want to completely string us up like marionette dolls. Something about us having some semblance of freedom or whatever. I guess it could be worse, we could be homeschooled (not saying it's bad, just don't really care for letting the enemy win by running away scared with our tails tucked between our legs) until the situation gets resolved or calms down. Clearly my mom's fully capable of such a thing based on my track history, but I don't really feel like repeating history. I don't think Carver would be comfortable with that solution either if I'm being perfectly honest.

Anyway, with everything that's been going on it's no surprise that we still have no idea what we're going to do for the science fair. It hasn't exactly been easy to focus on anything else other than the incident. Lulu's thrown around a ton of ideas like last time but nothing ever sticks. We'll start a project and then we'd either hit a dead end or get bored with the idea. The last idea we had was a little much. Whoever thought it'd be a good idea to strap me into some harness with multiple robotic arms each holding something different did not think it over well enough. The thing went crazy and started manically flailing its robotic arms around me. Surprisingly I came out of that death machine without scratch on me. After that flaming shit of a disaster was a bust, Lulu thought it'd probably be best if we focused on something that would help our community instead of helping ourselves. That'd probably get us some points. Lulu wouldn't be working so hard if it wasn't for Chloe. You see, word around town is that she's fixing up something really good and with all the resources she has at her disposal, I wouldn't really be surprised if whatever she's planning lives up to all the hype. Chloe being in the running really lit a fire under Lulu's ass and now she's all fired up too, even more so than usual. It didn't help that she keeps taunting us with vague hints at what she's up to. And when she asked what we were doing, we fell silent only for her to throw in what we already knew.

"Don't tell me you're winging it again. Didn't you learn that without a solid game plan, all your hard work will go up in flames? Or in your case," she paused pointing at me with a smirk. "Fang."

Usually this is where Carver would say something to defend my honor but nowadays he just stands by silent, staring into the abyss like an empty shell of himself.

"What? No comeback? Nothing? Not even a little peep?" she asked looking at Carver. She, like the rest of the town, knew bits and pieces about what happened. It took her a couple seconds for all of that to come back and click in her head before she broke eye contact and gave into the silence that was looming over our group. She turned away from us and just before she was about to leave she said, "I'm sorry. I should've known better."

"Wow," Lulu said.

"What? What are you on about?"

"I never thought I'd live the day to see you actually be genuinely nice. I miss it sometimes."

"Wh-What? I-I—," she stammered unable to process everything. "I-If this is some ploy for you to get me to go easy on you, w-well it's not working. I'm going to win and nothing you can come up with will be much competition. And excuse you, I'm nice!"

I didn't bother to waste my energy responding to her either. I gently squeezed Carver's hand in mine causing him to snap out of his catatonic like state.

"I-Is everything alright?" he asked worried. "D-Did you see him again?"

"N-No, everything's fine. Are you? You seem...out of it. More than usual."

"I-I'm sorry, I just have a lot on my mind," he said yawning. "What did Chloe say?"

Good to know he at least knows where he is, even if he's not paying attention.

"Oh nothing, don't worry about it. It's not important."

"For a second there, I thought I saw the old Chloe. The one before the change," Lulu said. "Good to know she's not dead. Just buried under her own made up facade."

"The old Chloe? So I did miss something," he asked staring down at me.

"I-It's nothing," I repeated trying to hide a certain phrase from him.

"Just tell me. Please?"

I sighed and said, "She said she was sorry. I'm assuming she meant about your dad and everything that happened."

"Oh," he paused looking hurt, biting the inside of his cheek. "Pity. I really hate being pitied."

"Carver, I-I-I don't think she was pitying you. I think she was being genuine, which is rare for her."

"Forget it," he said balling up his fist, shaking his head. "Let's just go to class."

In terms of the science fair, we still have a ways to go. The fair isn't until sometime after Valentine's Day but before spring break so I guess we have a month or so till we have to stick with something instead of winging it. The thing is it appears like almost everyone is participating in the fair, even the people who couldn't care less. I mean usually it's just the nerds like Lulu who participate in these sorta thing. It's literally catered to the brains and less to the barbaric creatures and their odd fascinations with various balls everyone usually has their attention on. It's like an intelligent pissing contest. So you can imagine my surprise when we found out that this time around they're going to have auditions for the fair because the whole school is in on it. It's crazy.

Apparently they're going to have each person or group present their experiment to a random judge from our very own faculty to—how did Mr. Weather's put it? To trim the fat. Mrs. Scotts is obviously in the selected group but they also got a handful of random faculty members, my mom included. I'm not really sure why Weather's didn't just assign this task to all of the science teachers here but who knows what goes on in that tiny "yes man" brain of his. We've heard whispers that the other science teachers didn't want to be a part of Mr. Weather's selection process so they opted out but those are just rumors. Nothing's really confirmed. My mom told us that if she gets selected to judge us that she'll remain fair and unbiased but she doubts anyone is going to let her judge her own kid. But she said that we're a shoe in regardless because she has the utmost confidence in our combined skill set. Although I don't know what skills I'll be offering except for being a human test dummy. She was mainly looking at Lulu when she said that though so maybe she was just trying to make us feel included. Anyway, once the fat has been trimmed, the final five will be left to present their experiments to Mr. Chambers in the gymnasium.

Now here I am in Geometry trying my best to think of an idea, anything honestly, that'll work for our science fair project. Something to show them that I'm actually good at something other than being the human guinea pig. Mr. Bertram is probably lecturing about how to find the angle of some shape, most likely a triangle. I know I should be a good student and pay attention but when am I ever going to use geometry in the real world, honestly? If I actually make something out of this culinary path, I can't think of one instance in which I'll need to know how to find the length of shapes. Even if I were a good student, I'm too easily distracted by something else, or someone else...that being Carver. He smells really good today, well he does everyday but for some particular reason he smells especially fresh and also oddly soothing? I think it's all of those heavily scented stress relief toiletries that his grandmother keeps forcing him to use. Strong scents of both eucalyptus and spearmint and for some reason I just can't get enough of it. I couldn't help but to drift into a hypnotic dream-like state as I watched his head weave left and right, back and forth, almost as if it was on some rhythmic pattern.

"Mr. LeVang!"

"Huh? What did I miss?" I asked surprised. Just like the cliché, the whole class laughed in an uproar. Awesome. I really need to stop being so easily distracted.

"Nice of you to join us. How would you like to solve the equation I just wrote on the board?" Mr. Bertram asked pointing to the dry erase board with his red laser pointer. God I hate that thing. It's so obnoxious. Almost as bad as his terrible comb over. He really should just shave this head.

As I glanced over at the equation, I could see a jumble of numbers that didn't really make sense and faint black ink from some past equation.

"I'd rather not," I said without thinking.

"Excuse me?"

"I-I mean sure, I'd love to take a crack at it," I said as my heart dropped.

As I got up from my desk, I realized why Carver kept moving his head. He was constantly snapping himself out of his own drowsiness as his head swayed in motion. Carver usually helps me solves the equations by mouthing hints and pantomiming the answers. I don't think he'll be able to in his state. I stood in front of the board with my back turned to the whole class. I tried to bide my time by trying to decide what color marker I should use.

"Is there a problem?" Mr. Bertram asked.

"Nope, just trying to find a marker that works," I said frantically picking a marker on a whim. God, why would I pick orange? Worst color ever, unless it's Halloween. "Found one!"

Okay Fang, you can solve this. Geometry's not that hard, it's just shapes. Man I wish I had my textbook in my hands right now. I can find all the answers in the back of the book. Sure it doesn't have any of the work but I can bullshit my way to the answer...probably.

"Any day now Mr. LeVang," Mr. Bertram said clearly over my antics. "This shouldn't be too hard. It's taken straight out of last night's homework."

Good thing my back was turned as I was rolling my eyes hard. Mr. Bertram isn't exactly my favorite teacher and I'm sure as hell confident that I'm not one of his favorite students either.

"Um I don't think I got that question right on my homework," I said trying to get out of solving it. I didn't even bother looking at the equation in its entirety. Doing homework lately has been, for the most part, a blur. Even if I did get this one right, I doubt I'd remember it.

"You haven't even tried yet. Just show your work and if need be I'll fill in the blanks. So go on and solve the problem."

Great, so much for that idea. Why'd I think that would work? I gave myself one forced sigh and attempted to solve the problem. Oh great, I have to find the length of x from this stupid triangle. I know there's an easy was to solve this but I can't for the life of me remember it. What's it called again? Pie something? I hate this. I can feel everyone's eyes on me. The pressure of this is so annoying. Why did I have to zone out today?

"Okay if A equals three and B equals four then X should equal what?" I mumbled to myself as I started scribbling down my work on the board. "Is it okay if I use a calculator?"

"You don't need one. Just keep working on it, you're almost there."

"Fine, well three squared is nine and four squared is sixteen. If I add those up that equals twenty five. What's the square root of twenty five? Duh, five! X equals five?" I asked turning back to Mr. Bertram.

He briskly walked up to the board without confirming with me on the answer. Instead he looked over at my scribbles and saying "mhm" to himself a few times. It was really annoying. Say something! Anything! Please for the love of God!

"Good job! See that wasn't so hard," he exclaimed patting me on the shoulder. "Next time, day dream outside of my class. You may take a seat back at your desk."

I awkwardly nodded and strolled back to my desk where Carver was no longer nodding off. He smiled at me as I sat behind him. Right as I got myself situated, I could hear Mr. Bertram start his lecture again. This time I got a clearer picture on what was being discussed in class, the Pythagorean Theorem again.

"Good job, babe. I knew you could do it," he whispered.

"Thanks. But are you okay? I noticed you dozing off for a second there."

"I-I'm fine. I just haven't really been getting much sleep lately," he yawned while rubbing his eyes.

"Oh."

"It's fine. Can we talk about this later?"

"Yes, please do," Mr. Bertram cut in, waiting by the projector annoyed with his arms crossed. "Since you two want to interrupt my class with your chit chat, maybe you'd like to teach the class today?"

"Sorry!" I apologized as I shielded my face with my hand.

The rest of class went on as usual. Mr. Bertram would lecture for a bit and then ask the class some questions where we'd have to use the clicker, a tiny white remote with baby blue buttons. I was somewhat listening to the lecture while trying desperately not to succumb to the same hypnotic dream-like state I was in earlier. Thank the universe that the clicker portion of the class was based purely on class participation so even if I were to get things wrong which I usually do, it wouldn't count against me. It helped that Carver wasn't drifting away anymore. I don't think he was actually conscious though as I could hear a light hum emanating from his direction. The guy finally mastered sleeping with his eyes open. Of course this was just a theory but every time Mr. Bertram looked in our direction, he didn't bat an eye. Carver doesn't snore when he's conscious so he has to be asleep. I can feel it in my bones. Somehow with my quiet as a mouse movements, I was able to nab his clicker so that I could still get him his participation points for the day. Still wowed by the fact that I got away with it too. Once the bell rang I casually walked up in front of him and he didn't even blink. He was just staring at the projector. He looked cute...in a somewhat creepy way. I really didn't want to wake him seeing as he admitted he was having sleeping problems but we had another class and I don't think Mr. Bertram would appreciate having an open eyed sleeper in his class.

"Time to wake up babe," I whispered as I snapped my fingers at him.

He flinched and blinked as he was awoken with a shocked expression on his face.

"I'm sorry. I really didn't want to wake you up, but I didn't really have a choice. Pretty impressive to sleep with your eyes open though," I admitted leaning over to kiss him on the cheek.

"It's okay," he yawned rubbing his eyes. "My eyes really hurt."

"Your eyes are probably dry. I don't think you blinked when you were asleep with your eyes open."

"Probably not," he yawned again, stretching with arms to the sky. "How long was I out?"

"I think you knocked out after I sat down. Maybe ten minutes?"

"Sounds about right. I'm still really tired," he moped.

"Alright, well we should probably go. My mom's probably already waiting for us outside."

He nodded and then slowly stood up, grabbed his bag, and walked a few steps only to trip over himself.

"Whoa there big guy," I said quickly catching him.

"Is everything alright?" Mr. Bertram chimed in. He didn't sound the least bit concerned. If anything, he just asked to ask.

"Yes, everything's fine. No need to worry yourself, Mr. B," Carver said as he stood back up. He sent me a smile and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. Usually I'd get these butterflies in my stomach but I think in this moment, he was using me as leverage to stay upright. I don't mind but I'm starting to get really worried about his current well-being.

As soon as we walked outside of class, my mom was right there, leaning against some nearby lockers smiling at her phone like some love crazed teen.

"Are you flirting with Mr. Lane again?" I asked.

"You're damn right I am!" she said proudly. "So how was class? How is old Bert?"

"Class was fine. I solved a problem that I didn't want to do in the first place. So I guess in a way this shows that I'm learning. But I still don't think he likes me. It's written all over his face, but it's fine. I don't really like him either."

"Well he doesn't have to like you, you just have to do well in his class and then next year you won't have to see him again," she said then turned to Carver. "How are you today Carver? I don't mean for this to sound rude but you look a little rough around the edges today."

"I'm fine," he said.

"Are you sure? You know you can always talk to me. You'll get zero judgment from me."

"I know. I trust you. It's just that I didn't get much sleep today. I don't think talking about it will solve anything."

"Oh I'm sorry to hear that. Next class is Home Economics right? I'm sure you can doze off in that class. Who's your teacher again?"

"I don't remember. Haven't we had a sub for the past week?" he asked me.

"Yeah, our teacher has probably only shown up for a total of three classes and we've had alternating subs this whole time."

"Well that's perfect then!" she said glancing at her phone. "I have to go. But I'll see you two after the next one, alright?"

"We will! Thanks Mom!" I yelled as she power walked around the corner. I have a strong feeling whatever was on her phone had to do with Mr. Lane. I pointed down the hallway and asked, "So do you want to tell me about why you're not sleeping or should we just go to class? Do you not want to talk about it?"

He forced out a heavy sigh as he leaned over onto me, resting his head on my shoulder and said in an almost whisper, "I guess I should tell you. Can we walk and talk?"

"Sure," I smiled. "But you're going to have to get off of me if that's your plan."

"Give me ten seconds," he said drowsily. "You're the best pillow I could ever ask for. Mind if I sleep on you instead of going to class?"

"Ca-Carver!" I blushed. He readjusted himself to where he was holding me from the front of my waist. The weight of him caused us to slam against the nearby lockers. The sound from my back slamming against them shocked Carver awake. I stood in awe as he towered over me, his hands over my head holding himself up against the lockers. Even though we've been together for months, I still get butterflies in my stomach when he puts us in compromising positions. Some would probably categories this as PDA, very sexy PDA that's not allowed on school grounds.

"S-Sorry, I'm really tired. Those five seconds have been the best sleep I've gotten in days," he admitted. "We should get to class. I'll tell you on the way."

He pushed himself off of the lockers and we both straightened up, readjusting our slightly wrinkled shirts. There weren't that many people in the hallway but for the few that were had their eyes right on us. I really hate being the center of attention. Carver, although stricken with drowsiness, noticed immediately that I was uncomfortable.

"What's wrong?" he asked. "Your face is all red."

"N-Nothing. It's just that everyone's looking at us," I said pulling the strap of my bag across my shoulder.

"Oh...that. Want me to go tell them off?"

"No!" I cried. "I mean I really do, but no, it's not worth it."

We walked ahead passed all the watching eyes. It wasn't until we got to the foot of the door to our next class did we stop again.

"So?" I asked. "Do you want to tell me now or later?"

"Now. I'd rather tell you now before we go to class. I don't want anyone else to hear our conversation. Enough people have weaseled into our lives who don't need to be."

Carver looked around first just to make sure that no one was around. Once he felt confident that no one was in earshot of us, he took a deep breath in and exhaled through his mouth.

"I've been getting these really bad nightmares ever since he came back and the only thing that could get me through the night was w-well, you."

"Me?" I asked confused. Did I do something recently that made him unable to use me as a conduit?

"I-It's not what you think," he reassured me. He sighed and asked, "Remember how I broke my phone last week?"

"Yeah I remember. I remember because it was right before we were going to have our nightly talk before bed but then you called me from your grandma's phone because you apparently dropped your phone in the toilet."

"Yeah, I lied."

"I know."

"You know?" he asked concerned. "H-How do you know and why didn't you tell me?"

"Relax, I know you lied to me because I can tell when you're lying. But I didn't know the context of the lie. Does that make sense? I figured you'd tell me when the time was right. Like I believe that you broke your phone, but I know you didn't drop it in the toilet."

"Well you caught me. I got into an argument with my grandpa about all the security and I threw my phone at a wall out of frustration."

"Okay wow, um I don't know what to say to that. Did you apologize after?"

"Not really. Look I know I shouldn't have done it, but I was just so irritated and I was frustrated. I felt like I was being pushed into a corner an-and I just lost it."

"Okay well I think you should apologize to him at least. Sure it's a week late but it's better late than never, right? So um, what does your phone have to do with you not being able to sleep at night?"

"Well this is where it gets embarrassing," he sighed. "Whenever I can't sleep, I would go on my phone and look at pictures of you until I pass out."

"Wh-What?"

"I can only sleep if I'm looking at you. Having you as the last thing on my mind before I knock out blocks out all of my bad thoughts. Since I broke my phone, I lost everything. Sure it's on the cloud so it's not lost forever but I can't remember the password and—," he stopped himself short of blowing a fuse and sighed, recollecting himself. "If I can just remember my password, I can sleep again. Until then I can't sleep because every time I close my eyes, I see him and if I see him, I'm too afraid to sleep. I'm afraid that if I close my eyes, I'll open them and see him."

"Carver..."

"I'm sorry. I should have told you sooner. I-I just didn't want you to think of me as a freak."

"You're not a freak. If we're being honest, I look at pictures of you before I go to sleep too. And yes, you should have told me sooner. Not because I would have judged you but I could have sent you pictures. Plus you didn't lose everything. There's still that picture you framed last year."

"What? What do you mean?"

"You don't remember? There's a photo of us from when we both wore plaid for Chloe's party. Well you made me wear one of your plaid shirts and I ended up getting it stitched into my jacket. I don't know where it is, but it's probably still in your room somewhere. Probably hidden underneath all of the other things we've collected along the way."

"I-I can't believe I forgot about it. All the stress from all the craziness that's happened must have made me forget. You mean I could have been sleeping this whole time?"

"Seems like it, yeah," I laughed.

"H-How do you remember that picture anyway?"

"How could I not? We weren't even together at the time but when I saw it, I thought maybe there was a glimmer of hope that you liked me, even if the voices in my head were telling me that I was crazy for thinking it. You were always making the first move and I was oblivious to it all. That memory is one of the many that I will always cherish and I hope the universe has more in store for us because I can hardly wait."

"You mean it?" he asked looking to me for validation.

"Yes times infinity, you lovable idiot! Through the good and the bad, having you in my life has been the best thing that's ever happened to me. I wouldn't trade you for anything in the world."

"Not even for—?"

"Whatever you're gonna say, no, not even for that."

He smiled at the ground and laughed. I haven't seen him like this in what seems like forever. I'm happy he's smiling again. When he looked back up though, I could tell he had tears in his eyes that he quickly wiped away.

"Why are you crying?" I asked.

"Don't be alarmed. I'm not crying because I'm sad. I'm crying because I'm overwhelmed. I'm happy to be here with you," he admitted, swiping the back of his hand against his eyes one last time. "See, all better now. Now if only I could look at the real thing instead of that really cute picture of us."

"Wait what? What do you mean by that?"

"I was just thinking that it'd be nice if I could have you over tonight but I know that's too much to ask. Just forget about it. We should probably head in now. Don't want to be late."

"Hold up, it can wait. Do you—Are you asking me to sleepover tonight?" I asked as I pulled out my phone from my back pocket. "I can text my mom real quick and ask."

"Fang I want you with me but I think that's asking too much considering everything that's happened. My grandparents are still on high alert and so is your mom. There's no way either of them is going to approve of my idea."

"It doesn't hurt to ask."

"I already know she's going to say no. I would say no. Come on, let's just go to class," he said grabbing my hand, pulling me into the direction of class. "How much do you want to bet that it's going to be another instructional video about cooking basics?"

"Okay, okay, I hear you. And about that video. If it has anything to do with mise en place again, I'm going to pull my hair out strand by strand," I said dropping my phone into my bag.

As soon as we stepped into class, we were met with yet another random sub. Home Economics is about to be a class taught by randos if this keeps up. No wonder people keep calling this the "easy a" class or the "blow off" class. We begrudgingly took our seats because we knew what was about to happen. And just like clockwork, the sub pulled down the projector screen and turned off the lights. Once the lights were off, the sub walked back around back to our teacher's desk and clicked on the remote.

"Please don't be mise en place, please don't be mise en place," I begged with hands pressed together in a prayer. The screen lit up and with the same old nineties looking quality picture.

"Hi my name's Martha and I'm going to show you how we mise en place," said the lady on the screen.

I groaned loudly not caring if anyone could hear me. I'm so tired of this video. I've watched it so many times that I know exactly what she's going to do and say next.

"Mise en place is very important because it's one of the first things we must all do when we start cooking. Does anybody know what mise en place means?" I said mocking the lady on the screen.

"Hey can I ask you something?" Carver asked tapping my shoulder.

"Huh? What's up?"

"Do you mind if I use you as a pillow? I was hoping I could take a nap, try to catch up on sleep. I don't think the sub is going to care much. The whole class is basically on their phones anyway."

"You want to sleep on me? Wouldn't that be uncomfortable?"

"No, you're actually pretty comfy, bones and all. So how `bout it? Do you want to be my knight?"

"Whoa whoa whoa, knight? You're pushing it now," I nervously laughed. "But if you're fine with sleeping on a pile of bones then how can I say no to you? Come on, bring it in."

"Great! I think I found a great spot right here on your shoulder," he sleepily said as he playfully walked up my arm with his hand, leaning into me. He then wrapped his arms around me, snuggling close to me.

He spent the entirety latched onto me. He was out like a light as soon as his head touched my shoulder. He must have been really tired. While the whole class was on their phones, unsurprisingly even the sub was on their phone too, I watched the whole video, following along saying the whole narrative. I would look over and glance at Carver every now and then, he looked so peaceful. I think it's safe to say that he's not dreaming up any nightmares. If it weren't for how peaceful he looked, I'd say the puddle of drool collecting at my shoulder would clear any of my doubts. I didn't want to alarm him, he really needs his sleep and anything I can do to help him I'm more than willing to do.

Speaking of, I should text my mom. I know he said not to say anything but I just want things to go back to normal. Is that selfish of me? As I tried to reach behind me for my phone, Carver unconsciously squeezed me tighter as he squirmed around. Honestly I'm more surprised that he hasn't fallen out of his seat. Between trying to fish my phone out of my bag, trying to not fall out of my seat, and not waking up Carver, this whole situation is a nerve wracking balancing act. One that I am definitely not prepared to handle. After trying to fish for a few minutes, I gave up. I kept getting close but he kept squirming and I will just feel like utter shit if he woke up. It's not like it's urgent that I need to text her. I'll see her after class anyway. I don't know, I kinda wanted to do it on the down low so I could surprise him with it later and not let him have to feel uncomfortable around my mom when I ask her.

Sighing in defeat, I looked over at Carver and even in this dimly lit room, lit only by the few sun lit windows, I could tell that he was sleeping peacefully. As I continued to stare at him as I heard light rustling in my bag. When I turned to look, I saw Amber handing me my phone. She's in this class? Also who just digs into other people's stuff without permission?

"Thank you?" I said weirded out by this whole situation.

"I saw you struggling so I thought I'd help out. Don't worry, I didn't see anything. I, honest to God, was just focused on finding the phone," she said with a smile. She then started walking back to her seat in the dark only to turn back and added, "I'm rooting for you two."

"Wait rooting for us? What's that supposed to mean?"

She sighed and said, "I don't mean it the way it sounds. It's just that I heard about what happened and—you know what, just forget it, my bad. It's none of my business anyway. Just know that not everyone is badmouthing you two, some of us feel for you. I'm not saying that I know how it feels because I don't, but no one should ever go through what you two have gone through. If you guys need anything, I'll be around. I should really get back before I bite off a little more than I can chew."

With that she disappeared into the shadows. That was...weird and unexpected. Good to know that the rumors are true that people are talking about us. I knew people were talking but I didn't think it'd be this widespread that everyone in town knew and were forming their own opinions of us. I wonder who else knows. Good thing Carver's not awake for any of this. He'd panic and get in his own head again and I can't let that happen. With Amber gone and it just being the two of us again, I wrapped my right arm around him caressing his side while I tilted my head to the right to be on top of his. I have to step up and do better especially if I'm gonna go full on knight and not just a flimsy shield.

Well since I have my phone now, I guess I can text my mom about the sleepover tonight. Although I only have one free hand and with it being my left, it's gonna be so awkward.

"Heeeeeeeeeeey, are you busy?" I texted.

"Not particularly. Paul and I are having lunch but it can wait. Why?" she replied back. Since she's my mom, I'm used to her speedy responses. So I'm not really surprised that she responded so quickly. But I should have probably worded things differently because she then quickly texted back, "Is something wrong? Do you need me to come get you? I'm on my way!"

"Wait! I'm fine. I just wanted to ask you something. Please don't come to my class! That's super embarrassing!" I texted back as soon as I could with one hand. She's like Sonic the Hedgehog, I wouldn't be surprised if she was already outside of my class.

"I'm just teasing. I didn't actually go anywhere lol. What's so important that you can't wait till the end of class to ask me in person?"

"Well..."

"Well? Come on Fang, use your words. What is it that you want to ask me?"

I sighed heavily. We weren't even talking in person and it's already stressing me out. I kept trying to text her my question but I kept deleting it all because the right words weren't coming out. If I don't word this right, there's no way she's gonna let me sleepover.

"It must be really important if you keep deleting what you're going to ask me. That or you're really putting a lot of thought into it," she texted again, clearly referring to the little typing bubble in chat. "Maybe you should ask me in person? Would that be easier?"

"I can't. Carver doesn't even want me to ask you. I mean he does but doesn't. Does that make sense?"

"Honey, you usually don't make a lot of sense to begin with but somehow I've learned how to understand your mumbo jumbo. This time, however, I can't because you haven't told me what it is that you're trying to convey. But from what I can gather is that it has to do with Carver correct? Especially since he doesn't want you to say anything to me. Are you sure you want to ask me whatever it is you want to ask, knowing that you are potentially going behind his back by doing so?"

"No I have to, it's a good thing I promise. Just promise you won't freak out, okay?"

"Why would I freak out?"

"Mom!"

"Okay, I won't freak out. You have my word."

I took a deep breath and braced for impact. What I'm about to ask her probably isn't gonna go over well.

"Cool so can I sleepover at Carver's tonight? I promise I'll do all my homework and I won't slack off like I did last semester. Carver's had it really rough lately and he just told me now that he can't sleep due to an onslaught of nightmares. Remember when I told you that he broke his phone? Well he lost all of his pictures and he said he would look at pictures of me before he goes to bed and I just thought if I could sleepover that he could finally get some sleep. I just want to be a good boyfriend. Sorry for the word vomit, I know it's a lot."

Instead of an immediate response like I was expecting, I received absolutely nothing; not even a typing bubble. Absolute silence. All there was, was a notification that it was "read at 11:14am." I should be worried right? Silence is never a good thing when it comes to parents. I waited for what seemed like forever before I texted her again.

"Mom? Are you still there?"

Still nothing. Something tells me that she's skipped lunch with Mr. Lane and is sprinting her way here. My heart was racing in anticipation of her just kicking down the door and barging right into my class, but still nothing. I spent the last twenty minutes of class watching the door as my heart beat like ticking time bomb. Maybe she actually got held up by some random student who needed counseling? Yeah I'm gonna go with that. Eventually the bell rang awakening my class of zombies including the hottest one of them all.

Slowly he unraveled away from me, stretching as the sub quickly flicked the lights back on blinding not only the zombies but also myself. I hate when people do that without warning. The sound of Carver's back popping and his loud, strained grunts that quickly turned to a long, drawn out yawn ringed through my ears.

"Was I asleep for the whole class?" he asked through another yawn.

"Mhm. Wait you've got something on your face. Hold still," I said wiping my thumb around the corner of his slick mouth. "There."

"Was I drooling again? Sorry about that. I only do that when I'm with you, you make my mouth extra moist for some reason," he grinned as he continued to stretch, revealing a little bit of his torso as his olive green plaid shirt lifted up.

"Mhm. You didn't really move much. Did you have a good nap?"

"The best!" he said all smiles. I guess sleep is one of his cures, although it's probably a temporary one. I'm glad sleep has helped him get his mind off of dark matters too. "Now if only I we can do that for the rest of the day then it'd be perfect but a boy's gotta eat. Speaking of, I'm starving! What's for lunch babe?"

"Uh I don't remember? Sorry I've been running on fumes lately," I stopped and looked at him. He didn't react. Good! I thought I just tripped up saying that honestly. "I know I packed something though. My bag would be a lot lighter if I didn't."

"Oh okay, well let's go then!" he said tugging on my sleeve.

"Okay, okay, I'm coming!" I said dragging my bag across the off-white linoleum with me.

Carver and I cheerfully walked out the door only to be met with my mom waiting right outside. Oh right, shit.

"H-Hi mom," I said nervously. I stared at her wide eyed hoping she'd understand that I really didn't want her to bring up what I asked her earlier.

"Hi Ms. Winters, you were right. I get to doze off in class. I slept through it all, thanks to this guy right here," he said poking at my side.

"I'm so happy to hear that! Everyone needs sleep, you kids especially," she said. "Do you mind if I borrow my son for a second?"

"Um sure, is everything okay?"

"Everything's fine, I just need to speak to him in private. Nothing to worry about," she said quickly pulling me aside.

"You're gonna say no aren't you?"

"No—."

"But Mom!" I whined.

"Not like that!" she sighed rolling her eyes. "You can go. I just want you to be careful. Be aware of your surroundings and call me, don't text, call me if there's anything out of the ordinary, okay?"

"Wait really? You're letting me go?"

"Yes after a brief self-reflection on the matter I realized that I may have been suffocating you with all of my worries, but it comes from love so you know, I'm a mom. It's my thing. But it was never my intention for you two to be split up like this. I know it's probably caused some strain in your relationship and while it is my job to look out for what's best for you, I don't think keeping you separated away from him outside of school is one of them. I like Carver. I see what you do for him and what he does for you. I don't know where you're getting this idea that you're not doing enough because guess what? You are. You already are a good boyfriend even if you don't think you are. I don't think a lot of people would have stuck around if they were dealt the same cards you were. I'm going to call to Aggie and George to revisit our rules. I don't think it's fair for anyone in this situation but I want you to be happy again. I want you both to be happy again."

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" I squealed hugging her. "You're the best!"

"Heh, thanks. I love you kiddo," she said hugging me back.

"I love you too, Mom."

"Should I be worried?" Carver asked cautiously walking into our conversation.

"Not unless you don't want my son to sleepover tonight."

"You asked her?"

"Surprise!"