Disclaimer: This story is fiction it is not meant in any way to be truth or speculation about the sexality of any member of N'SYNC (although I can dream and wish). This is a story of a homosexual romance and the love shared between two men. If you are offended by this subject material then please go no further. If you are under the age of 18 please leave now. Otherwise I hope that you enjoy the story.
This is my first attempt at writing a story like this.I don't know if you will enjoy it or not, but I hope that you do. Input is welcome but please remember that this story is created from my own mind and I kind of know where I would like it to go. Also I am already an accomplished writer and poet and the poems you see here are not to be used or distributed without my express permission. They are copywritten by me and use of them or distribution is an offense. My normal forte' when writing is sci-fi fantasy so this is a new area for me. Good or bad your comments are welcome and will decide on if or how this story continues. I am very big on defining the characters I write about, but since this is a work of fiction and I take creative liscense on how the characters are portrayed, then we will just have to see how it progress'. I am not one for the wham-bam-thank you sam type of story. I prefer to build the story and the characters before diving into the sex scenes. I hope you won't be disappointed.
Comments may be sent to firedancer_14@hotmail.com
I only check my e-mail a few times a month so if I don't respond right away please be advised I will as time permits. Author's notes will be at the end of each installment telling of what friends or truths there are in the story. Until then I hope you enjoy the story.
Recue Run
Chapter 4: Revelations
I crawled out of bed and into the wheelchair that Kev had grabbed form the corner of the room. Between the pain and the big bulky cast that my foot was in, moving around was not an easy task. Once I got settled into the chair Kev pushed me out into the hall and to the room next door. Michelle pushed the door open and we walked into the beginnings of a war zone. Dr. White was trying to keep Joey and Justin from going at each other while two nurses were trying to contain JC and Chris who kept trying to get out of bed. I looked at Michelle and she had a look of anger and disbelief on her face. I looked back again and took control of the situation. Kevin, you take Joey. Michelle, you have Chris. Lance you take care of yourself, Sit in that chair over there and don't move. You are still too wobbley.
I rolled the chair over to Justin's side. I grabbed the back waistband of his jeans. I pulled down and back hard. Justin looked up from where he had landed on the floor next to me with a stunned look on his face. You move and I will show you some serious butt whoopin. I growled down at him.
I then rolled the chair over to JC's bed where Dr. White was trying to calm him down now that Kev had Joey in check. You have a choice, I said to him. You can either calm down on your own, or I can ask the doctor here to get a nice BIG needle and give you a shot to calm you down. JC sat there very still all of a sudden and just glared at me. You know JC, you stare at me much harder and your friends here are gonna think you have a crush on me or something.
JC blushed a crimson color and quickly looked at the floor.
Chris suddenly burst out laughing.
Don't make me call you little man again I teased. Chris instantly quieted.
Now, would someone like to tell me what is going in here???------silence filled the room. Fine!!, Kevin please clear the room. It is time for a hash session here. Every little problem is going to be aired right now. No one comes in or out of this room until I say so. You have door duty. I said.
Lance stood. I think I need to go lay back down, he said, as he tried for the door.
Kevin stopped him and pushed him back into the room. pulling the door shut behind him he whispered back. If I know Jim you guys are already on strike two, do you really want to see how difficult he is when you hit strike three??
Lance quietly made his way back over and sat at the foot of JC's bed. The guys just sat there with their mouths open, not quite sure what to think or say.
Justin, would you mind getting up off the floor now and coming over here? I said. I turned to Joey and motioned for him to sit on Chris' bed.
Now, since this is a clear the air and honesty session, I think that I will start. I am very pissed off right now. I never met you guys before this night and I feel like my life has been turned inside out. I do something nice for a little girl who's world has crashed around her and you go and try to trash me. You very well could have ruined her night. Yes, I am gay, but any kind of sexual liason is the farthest thing from my mind. I could care less anymore about being with anyone. I have shut love out of my life and don't know if I can ever let it back in. I have been burned and I didn't like that feeling. To have someone let you down is one of the most heart wrenching things I have been through. I was used both emotionally and financially and have not truthfully recoverd from either. I barely make ends meet, but I go on. Joey, I meant what I said; You have to come up with something more original if you want to hurt me about my weight. I have been called every name in the book and ignored and dissed by the best. You want to see cruelty then see how the gay community treats someone my size. I stopped, took a deep breathe and wiped a couple of tears away. The one thing that I have learned though is that through my belief in God, I am to make a difference somewhere for someone. I may be alone forever, but to someone somewhere I will be special. And in my heart I know that one day I will find someone that will heal my broken heart, will cope with my insecurities and stand by my side.
You guys are no better than me and I am no better than you. You just have a high profile job that takes its own toll on you. It hinders your love lives and your friendships. I know it is hard to find a real friend. one that likes you for the person you are and not for the fact that you are a memeber of N'SYNC. The big thing that is hindering you all though is that you no longer trust each other so it makes it hard to trust anyone else. So let's clear the air in here. Which one of you is first?
The guys just stared at the floor, so I picked one. Joey, how about you start.
Uhm, I really don't know what to say. Joey started. You guys are as much my family as my real one. We have been through so much, gone so far and yet I feel it is all coming apart. Jim, I want to apologize to you. I guess it was just some kind of defense and I am really sorry. I feel like my world is falling apart. JC, Justin and Lance seem to have shut us out and I am afraid it is going to break up the group.
Justin stood and walked over and put his arm around Joey's shoulder. Dude, I am so sorry. It is just that I have been coming to terms with things and I have been afraid that you guys will hate me. I have been afraid I would lose my friends and........
Tears started to flow down Justin's face. His body started to shake a little.
Justin, come on. Just say it. You will feel better to share with your friends and I think you might be surprised. I remarked
Well guys. I have been dealing with a lot of emotions lately. Guys.... I...I'm..... well I am gay and I am in love with JC. there I said it, now I know you all hate me. Justin burst into tears and flung himself across the foot of Chris' bed and sobbed.
Seeing Justin like this caused JC to start to cry. He slowly got up out of the bed and walked around to where Justin's head lay on the bed. He ran his hand slowly through Justin's hair.
Justin, look at me please he softly said. Come on, sit up and look at me. Please???
Justin sat up and tried to wipe his eyes, but the tears kept on flowing. JC slowly reached out and place the palm of his hand on Justin's cheek. wiping the tears slowly with his thumb, he looked deep into Justin's eyes. I am gay too, and I have been in love with you for so long that I was ready to leave the group rather than have you hate me. I was afraid that I would lose our friendship, afraid that I would lose you.
With that said the tears started to flow down JC's face even harder. Don't you see Curly? I love you too. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to make you as happy as you make me. I want to hold you in my arms and make all your fears go away.
Justin sat up the rest of the way, a slight smile on his lips. He pulled JC into hug that could have broken ribs it was so strong. Josh, I love you with my heart and soul. You are the one that brightens my day. You make it worth getting up in the morning. I want to spend the rest of my life with you by my side. You are the sun the lights the world. Justin pulled Josh closer and their lips met in a soft soul filled kiss, one that says I am yours forever.
As they broke apart, I looked at the faces in the room. JC and Justin of course had huge grins on their faces. Chris had a smile and Joey looked like he was going to fall over, but at the same time was okay with everything. Lance... well Lance was once again staring at the floor.
Chris, what do you have to say? I asked
Well I am really really sorry for what I said. I also want to say thank you. Even with all that happened you saved our butts with Gwen and the tv crew. Then we get ourslves imto more trouble and guess who pulls us out of that fire? Thank you again. Most of all I want to thank you for bringing the group back together. I was feeling the same as Joey. I mean we were falling apart, it was like someone was pulling us apart piece by piece. It is going to take some getting used to, but now with things out in the open I think we can all work through it by sticking together.
It isn't over yet I replied and glanced over at Lance.
Lance what are you feeling? Talk to us. I said.
I can't, I can't tell anyone. No one will understand. I will lose my friends and my family. Lance cried as he headed for the door. he swung it open and Kevin blocked his way. Lance just stood there shaking, the tears streaming from his face. Kevin looked over at me.
Take him to the room and make sure he gets into bed please. I asked
Guys, I need to crash. I hurt and the pills are starting to make me drowsy. Lance will talk when he is ready. Just give him time. Give him the space he needs, don't push him too hard and most of all, keep an eye on him. If he starts getting to depressed you need to get him some help.
With that I went into the room. Lance was curled up on the bed. I reached out and rubbed his back for a few minutes. Michelle and Kevin came into the room and helped me crawl back into bed. No sooner did my head hit the pillow than I was out cold. maybe it was the drugs, maybe it was the exhaustion, it was five a.m. after all, but for the first time in a long time there were no dreams.
I awoke around noon to find a room full of people. Kevin and Aaron were sitting on chairs near the edge of the bed and talking quietly. Michelle was busy talking to a group of suits that looked all strung out with tension. I groaned just a little as I tried to get comfortable which caused everyone to stop in silence and look at me. Michelle started to walk over and I held up my hand.
Before anyone says anything can someone get me something for the pain please? I whispered.
Kevin reached over to the bed table and grabbed the pill cup and handed it to me. Aaron was right there to and handed me a cup of water to down the pills with.
Now, would someone like to tell me why I am surrounded by so many people, most of whom I don't know. I am not going to die form this or anything. I glanced around the room sensing some tension. For those of you worried about more, no, I am not going to sue nor am I going to tell about Justin and JC. That is their business and they have images to protect. So if that is why you are all here then I suggest that you all go home and leave me be.
I saw a few people in the group relax a bit, but there was more going on here. Michelle came over to the bed and sat on the edge.
Jim, I have a few people here to meet you. I want you to meet Melinda Bell. She is the tour manager. Michelle said as she point to a woman standing at the front of the crowd. The man standing next to her is Johnny Wright. He is the guys Manager and his company is promoting the tour. Michelle continued introducing people for about another ten minutes.
Fine, now that introductions are done would you mind telling me what this is all about? I asked There must be some reason for all of this, and right now I am not in the mood to beat around the bush.
Well, we are actually here to see to your best interests and those of the group. Johnny started. Michelle has told us that you hate to be so high profile, but with all the press surrounding this whole thing we need you to talk to the press. I just need to know what you will say. We really need to diffuse this situation and part of the problem is our concern over what you will have to say.
Stop! I replied. First of all does my saving their butts never end? Look if I was out to hurt them or make their lives hell I could have done that when I first met them. Then when they got caught in that crowd I could have just left them there. They are just guys in a high profile job, one that causes a lot of attention. Even I know that sometimes that attention becomes too much and they just need to know that there are people out there that really don't care that they are N'SYNC. But the one thing they all need to learn is that sometimes they do meet people like that. Think I really care who they are? No, I like the music. Music is one way I express myself. I can usually find any emotion I feel in a song. Yeah I admire them for reaching for their dreams and finding them. I gave up on most of my dreams when my parents became so ill. Then when they died, it was like a part of me left too. I became cynical. I no longer trust people. I got into my first and only relationship. That turned out to be a nightmare, I was emotionally abused, what little self esteem I had was destoyed. I became and alcoholic, I started smoking, I wanted my life to end too. I am now a recovering alcoholic. I haven't beat the smoking habit, but I really don't care anymore if I do or not. Anymore I feel that if I am lucky it will kill me and I will be out of the pain I feel. Do any of you know what it is like to be an outcast? Well I do. I am going to be 34 in June, I am a single gay male that because of my weight is totally ignored in the clubs. I met that one person that I thought really liked me, only to be used in a game between him and his family. Last June everyone, and I do mean everyone, forgot my birthday. So my question to you is, why would I ever want to cause anyone else any pain or discomfort when I go through enough for everyone? So to me your concerns are non-existant. No one should have to go through what I do on a daily basis.
Now if everyone would please leave. I said with tears rolling down my face. I rolled carefully onto my side away from everyone. Michelle, you can set up a small press conference after the vampires are through with me. They should be here anytime now. Kev, would you please let my sister know that I am ok and what is going on? Anything else can wait until after the surgery.
I will do it for you a deep voice said. I turned a little. Lance stood next to the bed. Tears on his face. The other four guys stood behind him. The room had cleared of everyone else and I was so wrapped up in trying to cope with the emotions that had surfaced that I hadn't noticed it. Chris and Joey kept wiping their eyes while JC and Justin cried freely. We heard everything, he continued. We were outside listening. I, no we, are so sorry. I know words don't mean much, but we are. We all talked this morning and we have agreed, we want to not only make things up to you, but we want you to be our friend and be a part of our lives. You have done something that not many others do. You treated us as people. You didn't hold back. You got pissed off and let us know it instead of trying to hide it. You didn't care what we thought of everything. You were honest and straight forward with us. You saved our hides and not many would do that without ulterior motives. You have inspired us to be more honest with each other and to cope with things that we weren't sure we wanted to. I speak only for myself when I say this, but I hope I can be at least half the person you are. A chorus of me too's swept the room.
Lance turned to the guys. I guess I need to tell everyone what is bothering me too.
Only if you are ready Scoop. JC replied.
I don't know if I will ever be ready, Lance continued. I have to start somewhere though. Guys, I.. I am gay too. I can't hide it anymore. I have known for a long time, but was a fraid of being kicked out of the group. I was afraid of losing you all from my life. I am still afraid of what my parents will say. You know how religious they are. The Southern Baptists aren't known for their tolerance. I don't know how things are going to go there, but I know with the support of you guys I will make it through. You are my brothers and I may have to rely on you guys more than ever when I tell them. But I know I have to. I ahve been beating myself up and destroying myself emotionally over it.
The guys all walked over to Lance and they had one big group hug.
We are here for you no matter what Scoop. Chris replied.
Does this mean I get to call you my little sister? Joey joked.
You do and I will show you a serious butt whoopin. Lance said back with a smile.
Now, Lance said turning to me. We will take care of everything. I will call your family. JC, you take care of the press conference. Justin go let the nurse know that Jim is waiting for the Vampires. Chris, Joey, you guys go take care of getting us checked out of the hotel. Lance said and handed them his room key. Oh by the way. We are off for six weeks instead of two. We still have to fly out for a few televised appearances, but no tour business. Your friend has invited us to stay at his house while we are in town. You currently have five nurses to take care of you when you get out of here. Not all at once as we are to go see our families during the time off. I get first shift he smiled down at me.
I just sat there a little amazed. What planet did you guys say you are from? I asked. They all laughed and went to take care of things.
Well as I have said before. The emotions you read here, the feelings of being an outcast and the loneliness are all me in reality. I have been to hell and back, can anyone really blame me for being somewhat insecure? I have a low self esteem, and I feel that no matter how hard I try that I am failing at what I do. But life goes on and so do I. I promised people that I wouldn't give up on life, but that doesn't mean that I don't think of it at times. That is how this story started. I was in a deep depression and needed a way to release the emotions. Writing has always been something that I enjoy, but I have always avoided anything that hit too close to home outside of my poetry. So to say the least this is what has been coming out since I undertook this project to deal with my emotions.
I hope you all like it so far. Don't worry some parts will liven up soon and we will get to what some of you want so bad.
Coming soon...........
Chapeter 5: