Disclaimer: This story is fiction it is not meant in any way to be truth or speculation about the sexality of any member of N'SYNC (although I can dream and wish). This is a story of a homosexual romance and the love shared between two men. If you are offended by this subject material then please go no further. If you are under the age of 18 please leave now. Otherwise I hope that you enjoy the story.
This is my first attempt at writing a story like this. I don't know if you will enjoy it or not, but I hope that you do. Input is welcome but please remember that this story is created from my own mind and I kind of know where I would like it to go. Also I am already an accomplished writer and poet and the poems you see here are not to be used or distributed without my express permission. They are copywritten by me and use of them or distribution is an offense. My normal forte' when writing is sci-fi fantasy so this is a new area for me. Good or bad your comments are welcome and will decide on if or how this story continues. I am very big on defining the characters I write about, but since this is a work of fiction and I take creative liscense on how the characters are portrayed, then we will just have to see how it progress'. I am not one for the wham-bam-thank you sam type of story. I prefer to build the story and the characters before diving into the sex scenes. I hope you won't be disappointed.
Comments may be sent to firedancer_14@hotmail.com
I only check my e-mail a few times a month so if I don't respond right away please be advised I will as time permits. Author's notes will be at the end of each installment telling of what friends or truths there are in the story. Until then I hope you enjoy the story.
Rescue Run Chapter 6: Reality Check
Between the torn ligaments in my back and the surgery, it was about three days before the doctor released me to go home. I was to go stay at Kevin and Aaron's do to the fact that I couldn't manuvere with the wheelchair or crutches at my sister's. I took a few of the potted plants and some of the stuffed animals, but since I really didn't need or want to take all of the stuff with me, I made some arrangements through Michelle. All the guys were to come to get me when I was released and when they did they took all the remaining plants and bags full of stuffed animals to the childrens ward of the hospital. Needless to say it was good promotion for the guys and cheered up some very sick kids.
Joey and Chris flew out that night to go and visit their families. JC and Justin were to leave three days later. We got to the house and I curled up on the couch and went to sleep. I woke around midnight to find Lance curled up in the recliner next to me.
He is just too cute. I thought. I manuvered myself into the wheelchair without making much noise and headed for the restroom. I took care of business and opened the door and screamed. DAMNIT!! What are you trying to do, give me a heart attack??? I saw doors fly open as everyone came to see what was going on.
I was worried and just wanted to make sure you were ok, Lance said, looking at the ground.
Jamey, it is nice to know that you are worried, but please don't sneak up on me like that. I startle easy and it makes my back hurt. Now quit walking on egg shells. I have told you that I don't hold anything against you guys, so quit following me around.
Lance broke into tears and ran down the hall.
Uh, would someone mind telling me what just happened here? I asked the others standing around looking everywhere but towards me. JC give me an honest answer here. I demanded. What is going on with Lance? I can't seem to do anything without him rushing to my side.
JC looked at me for a minute before he spoke. Jim, do you feel like a smoke? I think that if we are going to talk that we need to go outside. You really should quit that habit you know.
Fine, let's go out on the back porch. My cigarettes are in the family room anyway.
JC looked over his shoulder at Justin. You take Lance.
JC pushed me out to the patio and sat in one of the lawn chairs. Staring off into space he sighed and started in on me.
You can be really dense sometimes, do you know that? You were right when you said that you shut people and love out. You act so aloof and in control so much of the time, but even I can see through it after being around you for the last six days. You said it yourself, you have been burned and are afraid to get close to anyone. You keep all of us from getting to close. If it wasn't for Kevin and Aaron some of it would have slipped by us. Haven't you noticed all of us trying to get to know you better? We have been trying to get inside those walls you have built up, not only for your sake, but for Lance's too. In case you haven't noticed it Mr. know it all, Lance is falling for you.
NO......No he isn't. he just feels like he needs to make up for what happened is all. I stated. I don't believe that one. First of all, I don't want to fall in love right now. I can't fall for anyone. Let's do a reality check here. How could anyone; let alone Lance fall for a troll like me. I am 13 years older than him. What do you think that would be like for him? Do you really think people would accept that kind of age difference? Do you really think that people would accept him being with someone that old? Or what about my weight? I am 6'5", but I still weigh 345lbs. I know what he would hear all the time. My ex used to be asked all the time."Why would someone as cute as you date someone that looks like that?" Do you think I want to put him through that kind of pain all the time? Or what about his family? That is going to be hard on him too. Don't you think that it would cause problems there too? I can see it now. " Lance, he is just using you for your fame and money. Why can't you find someone closer to you own age?" JC, don't you see what I am doing? Not only am I protecting myself, I am protecting Lance too.
I burst into tears after my own outburst. I guess it is another part of my nature. I always seem to be protecting people. JC, in case you haven't noticed it, I am very insecure. One of those things you don't like. I can't help it, it is just the way I am. I have been through so much that you guys don't know about. I have not only been burned in a relationship, but I have been burned by life. I put on a good show, but you guys still don't really know me and I don't know you. You need to realize that if I feel I am getting to close that I throw up the barriers. I can't help that and it isn't going to stop over-night.
It might help if you at least gave us the chance. Justin said from the doorway.
Lance came over and knelt down in front of me as I just sat staring at the ground.
Give us all a chance he whispered. Especially me. I don't know where this will go. I do know that I like you. I might even be falling for you. I do know that all of us need someone like you in our lives. Don't just shut us out. Life isn't going to be easy, but you need people you can rely on to help you out sometimes. I want to be there to do that. You have taught us so much in the last few days, about ourselves and about life in general. Even when things get dark and lonely you pull through. Kevin has been filling us in alot about you. I know that you are going to try and push us away. In fact we have discussed it. No matter how often you push, we will come back. We aren't going to push you, but we aren't going to let go either.
Remind me to kill Kevin, he talks too much. I stated.
This brought grins to their faces.
We learned that one too. You can't try the change and dodge tactic here either. I see how you turn things from getting to close by trying to crack us up instead. Lance said.
You are gonna get it Jamey!!! I am the only person around here allowed to read people like an open book.
Oh and do you think you could catch me in that chair? he smirked
I don't need to. JC? Justin? would you do the honors for me?? Haul him in the house and hold him down on the couch for me.
HEY!!! no fair getting help. He whined.
Too bad. I never said I played by the rules.
Lance tried to take off across the back yard, but JC and Justin had him cornered in a couple of minutes.
We are gonna help him turn you into a smurf; Justin teased. this caused him to try and squirm free even harder. They dragged a panting Lance into the family room and JC held his feet while Justin pinned his hands above his head.
See? I caught you with no problems at all I smirked.
Yeah, but only by cheating. he stated.
I reached out and started to tickle Lance's sides. He screamed and fought to get away, but the guys held him tight. I didn't let up until he cried uncle and threaten to pee his pants if I didn't stop. He crawled off of the couch and just glared at me as he made his way back over to the recliner.
You will get yours when you are feeling better, he said looking at me. As for you two, well just remeber not to sleep to heavy anytime soon. With that he turned and pulled his blankets up and ignored us.
I looked up at the guys who just smiled back at me. You need to go back to bed and so do I. Go back to your room and make wild monkey love. Both guys blushed.
Uhm.... we haven't done that yet. We are waiting for the right time. We actually both want to wait until after we tell our parents. JC said.
Good for you. I am proud of both of you. It is nice to see that romance hasn't died out. Plus I think that once you get that done it will make you both stronger and more confident as a couple. None of that "what can or can't I say around his family. Can I hold his hand or not." Good for both of you. It will make an honest relationship from the start. Which reminds me. JC I need to talk to you in the morning. Now get out so I can sleep.
I woke up around noon to the sound of Lance arguing with someone on the phone. I got up and hobbled down the hall on the crutches, gotta start getting used to using them. I found Justin and JC in the guys office playing on the computers.
Who's Jamey arguing with? I asked
His mom, she wants him to come home after this weekends tv performance and he doesn't want to go. Justin replied.
SIGH....... He and I need to talk right now, I stated, as I got back up and headed for the living room
Lance was pacing back and forth while arguing. You could see on his face that he was trying to think of a way out of it, but getting more angry at the same time. Suddenly he burst out with a scathing come back to something that was said on the phone.
You wouldn't understand if I told you my reason's anyway. He said. What does it matter to you anyway? I just don't want to come home and that is all there is to it! I don't have to explain myself to you or anyone else! I will be 21 in May and I can make my own descisions, I don't need you or anyone else telling me how to run my life. You are my mother, not my keeper!
That did it it for me. I was trying to stay out of his conversation, but when he talked to his mom like that it was the last straw.
JAMES LANCE BASS!!! You apologize to your mother and ask her if you can call her back. You and I are going to talk right now!
Lance looked at me and could see the anger on my face. He turned about three shades of red and looked down at the floor.
Mom, I am really sorry. Can I call you back in a few? he asked. No, everything is fine, I will explain more when I call you back.
Lance turned off his cell and looked at me for a minute. I was so mad at him at that moment that I couldn't even think coherant thoughts at that moment. I took a couple of deep breaths and pointed to the sofa. I turned and called down the hall.
Josh, Justin, can you come here please? I want you guys to hear this too. I called. I turned and looked at Lance who was sitting on the couch looking at the floor. Strike one. I said as I made my way over to sit down. His head shot up and he looked ready to cry all of a sudden. Don't even think of getting up and running out of here. I stated. You are going to sit there until I have said this. Then you can get mad or cry or leave.
JC and Justin came in and sat down. they both looked confused and worried. I know they had heard what I had said.
OK guys, Jamey here just talked to him mom in a way that I can't accept. I said looking over at Lance. He blushed a deep red and looked at the carpet. He also just got strike one against him. Maybe it is because I was really close to my mom, maybe it is because I was taught never to talk to my parents in that manner. I don't really know, but I do know that I never want to hear that again with out good reason. Jamey, she just wants to see you, to visit with you, to be a part of your life. You guys are always on tour or at appearances. What harm is there in spending time with your families? If you are worried about me, well don't. I am a big boy. I will be able to take care of myself. If things keep progressing I plan on going back to work by the end of next week. It won't be easy, but I need to do it for myself. Short term disability insurance doesn't pay all the bills. I just know one thing though. Jamey your mom loves you and wants to see you. Who am I to take her son away from her. It might be different if we were actually dating or a couple, but we aren't, even then I would expect you to spend time with your family. Both of us come from different worlds and those worlds call at us right now. Look I like you. I really do. But how I like you I am not sure at this point. I need the time. I am not one to rush in and you have learned that by now. I am scared of my own feelings.
I will be here if any of you guys need me. You have found out that much about me. If for any reason you guys need me, then call me, or Kevin, if you can't reach me. Use the code rescue run and I will know it is an emergency and either need to get to a phone or stay home. I know that Kevin gave you guys all the numbers to be able to reach me through. I wasn't asleep at that time, but I didn't want to let you guys know I had heard your conversation. Now I am only going to say this once. Until your parents give you a very valid reason to talk to them in a manner less than respectful I don't want to hear it again. Am I understood? I don't mean to sound like an old man or a parent. I am just very set in my opinions on certain things and if they set me off well so be it. You guys have all stated that you want to be a part of my life then you must take the good and the bad. I will not be anything less than myself around you guys. If you can't handle it then get out now, because this is mild considering what I can get like.
The guys sat and listened as I stated all that I had to say, Lance you could see had a permanent blush going through it all. JC and Justin looked over at me and smiled. They got up to go back in the other room, stopping long enough to give me a hug.
Oh, when you guys are done checking your e-mails, I need to type some letters for you three to take with you. JC is to be the keeper of the letters and will know what they are for and when to use them. Jamey, Just, you guys will just have to trust me on what they are for and about.
With that they headed out of the room and I was left there with Lance. He was still staring at the floor lost in thought. I had to interupt this or he would beat himself up for days.
Jamey, come over here and sit by me please, I asked him. He looked up and the look on his face almost broke my heart. He looked so vulnerable and scared, but he moved over to sit next to me. I wrapped my arms around him and gave him a big hug. I ran my hands through his hair and could feel him start to relax a little.
Listen, you made me mad, but that doesn't mean I don't like you, I said. You and all your fellow band mates are very special people. That is the key word though, people. You are all individuals that hurt, get mad and feel just like anyone else. You all need to quit walking on egg shells around me. Quit trying to protect me. I know that you wanted to come back here and try to spend time with me, but your family needs you too. Things are going to be rough on you right now. You have just admitted to yourself that you are gay. Take the time to sort things out first before you just blurt it out to them. Remember, it isn't going to be easy on them either, so you have to be confident enough at that time to deal with what they are feeling too. They may or may not speak to you for awhile, but given time they will adjust to it. I just want one promise from you though.
Lance looked up at me, tears were streaming down his face. You could see the look of someone in love in his eyes. It scared me a little, but I couldn't let him see that.
I want you to promise me that when you tell your parents that you are gay, you will have Josh and Justin right there with you. I don't want you going alone. They can sit in the next room or where ever, but I want them in the same building as you. And when it is done I want you to call me and talk to me about it.
I promise, he stated. Please just hold me for now. I need you to hold me and never let me go.
I held on to Lance until he fell asleep in my arms. I carefully moved him until he was lying down on the couch. I got him a blanket and covered him up, then headed into the other room to type those letters. Justin went to get in the shower as I went into the office.
So, want to tell me about these letters? JC asked.
Yeah, they are for when you guys tell your parents. If things start to get ugly and they don't take it well then I want you to give the letters to them. I know that you will be with Justin when he tells his mom and he will be with you. What I do need though is a promise that when Jamey decides to tell his family that you and Justin will be there to support him. I know that he comes from a religious background just like me. I don't think it is going to be easy there and he is going to need you guys.
I promise!, JC replied. I will see to it that he has complete support from all the guys and that we are there.
Thank you, I replied, now go get out of here so I can type.
After finishing the letters I headed for the shower, which is not an easy task. First the big trash bag to cover the cast. Then tape it on really well so that no water gets inside. Balancing in the shower wasn't fun, with no traction on the bottom of the bag I had to balance on the opposite foot. For me a twenty minute shower turned into an hour long ordeal only to be topped off by ripping what hairs remained on my leg when I took the tape off. Once I got dressed I headed for the living room where the guys were waiting.
Ok guys, we have today to hang out before Josh and Just head out. What do you guys want to do for the rest of the day? I asked. We can go to the movies, bowling, out to eat. What sounds good to you guys?
How about going out to eat and rent some movies and just relax. Justin said.
I'll agree Josh and Lance said. I want chicken Lance said.
No way!! Chinese food, Josh argued.
Actually Chinese sounds good to me too, I stated. There is a really good buffet style resturaunt just down the street and blockbuster is across the street from there. They have chicken too, you know.
With that decided we all headed out to the minivan that Josh had rented. We got to the resturaunt and took a booth away from the windows. It didn't look like anyone recognized the guys so we actually got to eat in peace. Blockbuster was a different story though. The minute the guys walked in they were recognized and surrounded by fans. They stood for a few minutes and signed autographs and then asked politly if they could get the movies so that they could go.
What do you want to watch they asked me as they found me off in a corner staying out of the way.
I don't really care as long as it isn't horror. I responded. I am too big of a chicken for that stuff. I do want to see the Cutting Edge again though. I love that movie.
Me too. Jamey replied. I will go find it.
Josh and Justin headed to find a couple of more and we all met at the counter.
So what did you two get? I asked as they came up.
That is for us to know and you two to find out; they responed with smirks on their faces.
You two are up to something, Lance said.
Who us??? Josh asked all innocent.
Yes you, I said. Oh well I guess we will just have to see.
We ran to 7-11 and got some more soda and chips and then headed home for a quiet night in front of the tube. We headed in and Josh popped a movie in the vcr. Lance sat on the sofa and asked me to sit next to him. I complied and tried to get comfortable but had to get my foot up. I ended up laying down with my head on his lap. Justin and Josh snuggled up on the loveseat and just looked over at us and smiled. The movie started and I ended curling up.
I knew they were up to something, I thought to myself. They are gonna get it for this. I hate horror movies and any from the Halloween series I definitly didn't want to see. I felt Lance put his arm on my shoulder and start to run his fingers through my hair. Well if I have to be scared, then at least I have someone cute sitting next to me to grab onto. During the course of the movie I grabbed his leg or hand quite a few times. Once that one was over Justin got up and changed the movies around. This time we got to watch The Cutting Edge. I love that movie. Two people that are in love yet afraid to admit it until almost to late.
Whoa, I thought. That is me. I am afraid to admit that I really do like Lance and by the time I am ready to I may lose him. This is too close to home. I really need to think of something else. I lost myself in thought and drifted off to sleep. I woke up the next morning to see Josh and Justin collecting their stuff. They had to leave for the airport around 2:30 that afternoon and Lance had to leave tomorrow. They had to there by thursday night. Todd, their new coreographer had called and wanted to reheases some new material on Friday as Lance couldn't do some of the more active moves with the cast on his wrist.
We all just sat and chatted for the rest of the time the guys had left. I made sure that Josh had the letters and would call me afterwards to let me know how things went. I gave them both a hug as they left with Lance. He was taking them to the airport and then coming back to the house.
Kevin and Arron came home and made resevations for the four of us to go to a really good mexican resturaunt. Lance arrived about twenty minutes later. He came in and made me close my eyes.
What are you up to? I grumbled as I heard the door open and close.
Ok, open your eyes now, he said.
I opened my eyes to see him with a dozen roses and a present in his hands. I turned about ten shades of red. I really do embarass easily. What is this for? I asked.
Because I care about you and want to show you that I do. He responded. These are because I know you love roses. If you notice they are pink. You do know that pink roses symoblize beginning love right?
Yes I know what they mean. I don't know what to say though, except thank you.
Lance then handed me the package. It was wrapped in a silver paper that had "I Love You" inscribed in white. I blushed again and slowly started to open the package. Inside I found a cell phone with a card telling me that each one of the guys numbers were on speed dial and which number was whose. Of course his was the first one in there.
I can't accept this. I stated. It is a wonderful gift, but it is way too expensive. I can't have you buying me stuff like this. This is something that if I can't afford myself then I can do without it.
You can and you will keep it. I want to be able to get hold of you anytime. Josh, Justin and I already discussed it. You have been out voted. This is actually from all three of us and it is so you can reach us at anytime also. He replied. Plus if there is an emergency, we can be reached. I am going to help you program the phone, but Kevin is to have the access codes so that he can turn it on and reach us if need be.
Fine, but remember that this is under protest.
Lance just smiled and wrapped his arm around me and we headed for the family room to set up the phone. Once that was done we all headed out to eat. The resturaunt was quiet and we got to eat in peace. We headed home and just chatted for awhile before going to bed. I fell asleep around ten. The other guys sat talked for a good two hours longer. Little did I know that Kevin and Aaron were basically telling Lance more about my life and why I shut people out. They also told him about what to expect from me and how I go about doing it. Kevin being the longest friend I have kept and currently he and Aaron are the only friends I have since I pushed everyone else away. They explained how people have used me because I was always raised to help people, even when it meant I had to do without. There are a lot of things I have done in , my life and a lot of people I have helped. I never did it for the thanks or the recognition. Deep down all it is has been is a way of searching for someone to like and love me for who I am and not what I look like.
The next morning both Lance and I were depressed. The thought of him having to leave bothered me more than I thought it would. I gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. He wrapped his arms around me and started to cry. I just hugged him back until Kevin pulled us apart to drive with him to the airport. Aaron would meet them there after he got out of class. After the guys had left I sat for a few minutes and cried.
It is too soon, I thought to myself. I am falling for him to fast and I am going to get hurt in the end. I am so tired of being hurt. I don't know what to do or think. I definitly need to write. I got up and made my way to the office where I pulled the disk I always carry with me and started to write.
Holding Back the Tears
I sit here holding back the tears Watching love just pass me by Looking back on wasted years No-one really caring, if I should live or die
When you told me you loved me and that you cared My heart flew, I couldn't believe my ears It was a beautiful love, that we shared But now you've left me holding back the tears
Someone who really loves you is hard to find I know deep down that you still had fears Honey, I love you so much that now I'm losing my mind For in the end, I'm left, holding back the tears
Love's Flight
Flying high on wings of love Soaring over land and sea Touching clouds far above Viewing all there is to be
Soaring like a bird Feeling like a feather Hoping there won't be A change in the weather
You're somewhere distant Somewhere far Your spirit shines Like a rising star
I'll see you again sometime Somewhere in the future When we meet again Our love will fill the sky
In His Eyes
In his eyes I see beauty, like and ageless-endless wind In his eyes I see loyalty, like an old and loving friend In his eyes I see courage, like an eagles soaring flight In his eyes I see that GOD, gave him more than sight
In his eyes I see springtime, in it's fresh crisp morning dew In his eyes I see the horizon, melting into the sky of blue In his eyes I see autumn, with it's leaves that fell and died In his eyes I see his humor, his shame, his pain, his pride
In his eyes I see the tenderness, like a kiss in the soft moonlight In his eyes I see the care, that let's me know everything's all right In his eyes I see compassion and a loving hand to hold In his eyes I see his love, as we exchange these bands of gold
Magic Star
There is a star, Far up in the skies. It's a magic star, A dream in disguise.
This star is magical, For wishes do come true. So my only wish left, Is that I can have you.
We would have so much fun, Just you and me......... We could go hand in hand, And walk along the sea.
For is my wish, Would only come true. We would have the time of our lives, Just me and you.........
Oh Lord, I have it bad. I thought to myself. All this and to top it off this Sunday is the anniversary of my mom's death. I don't know if I can handle all of this. I started to cry. Here this really sweet guy walks into my life and I am too afraid to even really consider giving him a chance. MOM!!!, DAD!!!, guide me through this please!! I cried, as sobs wracked my body. I am so scared, and yet I want to love him and for him to love me.
I made my way into the bedroom where I curled up on the bed and cried myself to sleep.
Author's Notes;
The only new person at this time
Todd is a friend of mine from work and also a professional dancer at one of the shows here in Las Vegas. He is a nice guy that treats everyone with a lot of care and respect. Todd doesn't judge anyone and tries to make friends with everyone. We all could use a few more people like Todd in our lives. ____________________________________________________________________________
Author's notes 2
Well guys I finished this chapter on 4/9/00. I started this story in March. I don't know if I will continue it or not. Today is a bad day for me. It is the one year anniversary of my oldest brothers death. Sometimes I feel that I am surrounded by that. It is on reason I am afraid to get close to people. Everyone near and dear to me either seems to die or to leave me. My life has become one of solitude and lonliness. I don't want anyones pity or charity. That is something that I just can't accept. I am just a person like any of you and of those that I write about. I have a few people at work that seem to think that I am something special and seem to make a difference not only at work but in life. I see myself as someone that just has a big heart and is used for it. Yes I have been used and it hurts. I know that the guys of N'SYNC have to be careful about such things too. That is one of the reasons that I chose to use them as main characters in my story. We come from different walks of life but in the end we are not that different. There is a song of that title by country singer Collin Raye. Even if you are not fans of country music I suggest you listen to that song.
For those of you that have been wanting to know more about me, well yes I am almost 34. My birthday is 6/18/66. I am 6'4". My hair is naturally brown, but with everything that has happened to me in life I have grayed drastically. I currently dye my hair red. I have hazel eyes that tend to change color with my moods. Since most of the time I seem to be depressed they stay a shade of brown. Yes I do weigh a lot. My actual weight is 365lbs. I am a resident of Las Vegas, Nevada. I am proof positve of how plastic people in this town are and how the gay population lives up to stereotypes. People my size are invisible and ignored by the gay community here. I have been in only one relationship and that is when I left here to live in Arizona for three years. There are a lot of things about me that will never be known by people that I meet. I have pushed a lot of people away from me. I had a situation happen recently that really upset me. A couple of people that I trusted got into my personal files and got hold of priviledged info from my past. It has caused me a lot of stress. I apologize to those people in the entertainment industry that used to be friends of mine for the letters sent to you by my former best friend and my niece.
I also want to publically apologize to the members of N'SYNC for the letters sent to them and a few other performers and stars that I don't know. My deepest regrets to all of you for any misunderstandings it may have caused. I would like to thank all of you that have read my story and for the words of encouragment that you have sent me. To those of you that criticsized, well sorry, but I have my own style of writing and part of it deals with how I feel at the time. I am not a person that writes with a lot of puncuation, so get used to it.
May GOD bless all of you and let you all find happiness and someone that loves you for who you are. Not the way you look, how much money you have, or what you can do for them. May you all find someone that sees your heart and the person on the inside.
All my love Drew