Rescued by Love

This is a story about my coming of age and discovering the consequences of being gay.

This by virtue of its content is necessarily homosexual and may be offensive to those that disapprove of men having sex with men. Please do not read any further if this is true.

It would help to read Chapter 1 to understand better the ramifications of the action. I have been justly criticized for being pedantic.

Gasp see what I mean. Peter always tells me to drop the $3.00 words and use the 25 cent ones they are better. Please be patient, I am trying.

Rescued By Love: Chapter 2, John Windham

Vindskinke@hotmail.com

Thus began a magic chapter that I now realize changed me forever." I was unaware of its significan ce and sadly unappreciative ." I was initiated into the world of being gay protected by the sheltering arms of Jet's devotion, and yes, love." Oh to be able to go back-not to relive or change -but to properly acknowledge the wonder and joy of Jet's part in my life.

I was captivated by his beauty--addicted to his caresses--galvanized by his kisses!" No practice was needed as I plunged in with unbridled abandon matching Jet's experience with my unschooled ardor.

His lips brought the soft caress of an exotic flower's bloom." His tongue elicited responses I did not know existed." I would sink into the delicious warmth of his kisses forgetting to breathe until I gasped for air." When he kissed me all else disappeared except for his blistering lips as they branded me as his own.

My memory rewards me with flashes of images still vivid although trapped in time." I can see so clearly even now, the first day of class--his half smile at my awkward responses--his eyes misted with unshed tears after our first kiss."

I loved h is body, naked, glorious, a wonder of dark and light patterns glowing in the half light of late afternoon." His chest was traced by dark curls of hair giving his tensed nipples an enticing emphasis." The dark axis of curls continued as it defined and framed his abdomen all of this led to the sculpted perfection of his proudly erect dick." It was a study in creamy alabaster with tracings of dark veins shaded by blushes of red ." The translucent pearls glistening on its crown signaled his excitement." At its base nestled in a cushion of dark waves two firm orbs provided a secure anchor and station." The clean scent of shower and soap was layered by the rich aroma so particular to Jet's body." The day's exertions served to further enrich his smell.

He surrendered not only his body but also his soul that late afternoon." In so doing he gave me the strength and courage to follow my instincts." Realizing now what I did not then I can finally appreciate the magnitude of his actions."

By giving me control of the moment he laid the ground work for the person I ultimately became.

He just lay there immobile silent his eyes closed." I leaned over him as our lips touched." Encouraged by his stillness I explored his eyes his cheeks ears every inch of his face with the tip of my tongue.

Looking at his body was both exciting and intimidating; with a quick intake of breath I kissed the surprising firmness of his left nipple." Jet stiffened letting a tiny gasp slip out." I was frightened that I had over reached but his smile emboldened me. "Tasting his salty sweet deliciousness melted all restraint." My tongue now worked in concert with my hands." The more I experienced the greater was my need." I was startled and appalled when I realized that my mouth and tongue were buried in his arm pit savoring its exciting taste and texture." I was drunk with the experience insatiable, hungry." No longer restrained I claimed him as my own.

His shapely thighs were those of a matador and disguised the strength they contained." The fine dusting of body hair served to show their grace and power."

The tightly coiled muscles of his calves and lower legs unlike his thighs had a thick mat of dark curls.

These recollections I describe now in such vivid detail did not register in my consciousness as they happened but they are there now for me as I relish and enjoy them with that marvelous quirk of our minds, hindsight.

His feet had the unblemished beauty that could only be achieved by a child hood of bare footed freedom." His toes were a natural extension to his grace and beauty." They proved irresistible to my need to discover." I nibbled them, tasting as my tongue explored and bathed each in turn." They made the perfect appetizer serving to whet my appetite." As I sucked on his big toe I felt his foot, leg then whole body stiffen and his breathing became uneven and shallow." Rather than deter me this encouraged me to attack more enthusiastically." I relished hearing him whimper and hoarsely whisper my name with more, please more."

I had been concentrating so intently on Jet's body that I did not realize that I was drowning him with my sweat." I took a deep breath looking up to find him watching me.

His normally clear blue eyes were glazed but locked onto mine." Without breaking eye contact I moved up licking his leg slowly and deliberately." When I reached the tender inside of his thighs his eyes got bigger and his hands formed tight fists grasping the sheets." I swirled my tongue over each of his balls then gently bathed them slowly inhaling one then the other. No longer looking at me Jet's body tensed arching upward.

With the folly of youth and the blind faith of inexperience I engulfed the heated perfection of his leaking crown and in that moment I both conquered Jet and surrendered to him." As my mouth slowly engulfed him I was unprepared as he suddenly pushed into me erupting with force." I swallowed as best I could but my mouth was overflowing with the delicious taste of this wonderful man. I was jolted again as I started coming not only on Jet but the bed soaking his sheets everything." I was embarrassed that I had no control and was making such a mess. I looked up, blushing to a bright red to see Jet trying valiantly not to laugh at my predicament." This triggered us both as we dissolved into laughter and giggles."

This moment of levity was the perfect antidote against an excess of emotionalism." It was lost that this was my first time and no thought was wasted on the consequences or worry about the outcome." Instead we relaxed holding each other content to smile and enjoy the moment."

Too soon I had to face reality as we both realized it was time for me to go home." After a quick shower it was funny that I became self conscious about my naked body and attempted to hide behind a towel to put on my clothes."

Jet would have none of that." He pulled the towel away and smiled holding his arms open to me." I was reassured by his embrace and comfort." He promised me everything would be alright and he would see me at school tomorrow even though I did not have his class."

I became extremely nervous and apprehensive waiting for the bus. It was impossible for me to stop my sniffles and the occasional tear. I was certain that my afternoon's activities would be evident to anyone that looked at me." The idea of facing my father when I got home was even more frightening." Even though I had showered and brushed my teeth I was sure that I smelled of Jet and sex. Fortunately the bus ride combined with the walk home at the end gave me enough time to hide my disquiet." I was not reassured about seeing everybody but at least I was calmer and more in control."

Suffice it to say my home life was not ideal and I will leave it at that until that pivotal evening we will encounter later." My routine was the time of fun and discovery with Jet that was bracketed by my dysfunctional relationship at home.

I stretched my time at school to the absolute limit of credulity with projects that could be done at school and research that could only be done in the library."

Fortunately Jet had the good sense to make sure I made grades commiserate with the time invested at school." Surprisingly sex did not occupy all of our time and in truth was only a small component of our time together." He taught me how to appreciate and realize the true worth of things. I shudder to think where I would be now without the values he instilled in me." I was not even aware that he was doing it.

When I asked about gay bars and bath houses he answered my questions forthrightly with unflinching truth about his own experience and encounters." He never tried to impose monogamy or prevent me from experimenting." It just seemed "right" that I was with him doing things together." I just never needed other experiences." Helping fix food or doing laundry, then studying in his apartment hours like this were satisfying and what made me happy."

I was lulled into a sense of complacency by these times with Jet." Home did not seem so horrible since I could spend more time away." Now I wonder at my innocence that my unusually good spirits and happiness were not setting off gongs of suspicion and distrust. I managed to not recognize the questions for what they were but to pass them off as interest in my life." It never dawned on me that the sheer strangeness of my father's interest was the poison that would soon destroy the illusory world Jet had created as my refuge.

It was this singular lack of awareness that let me believe I could deceive my father to steal time away with Jet." I fabricated a complex series of events that would culminate in my spending Easter vacation with friends out of town." Friends?? " Where did that come from since I had only mentioned one person for months, my art instructor?" I thought that I was being so convincing." Little did I know?

My time with friends over Easter break of course was with Jet in his apartment." We were living the fanciful flimsy concept we called our lives together by pretending." It was two young men pretending that we could be happy and have a life of

our own to live and enjoy."

Do not get me wrong that time together was sheer bliss for us both." I can remember that second afternoon; I was lying with my head on Jet's lap as we listened to Chopin." He was running his fingers thru my hair caressing my face not saying anything." Nothing needed to be said." His touches were so much more than just tender caresses but they were encompassing protecting me from the outside world." Nothing existed but the two of us at that moment."

It started with silent tears which gave way to stifled sobs as I tried to understand how deeply I loved and trusted him so I could tell him how I felt." It was frustrating to realize I lacked the tools to adequately express this to him."

Instead I gave up giving in to crying like a child.

Even without words he seemed to understand because he pulled me up into his sheltering arms and as always gave me comfort and reassurance." He gave me the joy of hoping that our time together would be real and continue." Now I wonder if he ever believed it himself." Was it one of his gifts to me?" A gift he knew could not be true and could not last."

I can not fault him for this deception if it were true." If he deceived me it was only to give me love and some moments of love." No I have never felt anything but love and gratitude for all that Jet made for us and for me." He gave me love.

I came back home bubbling over with all the things I did over vacation." Sure that I was just so very clever with all my deceptions and inventions."

It was about a month later that Jet had to go home abruptly for some family emergency." He was not sure how long he would be away and to say the least I was depressed." I was alone and school just did not seem interesting." I felt more trapped than ever at home. He had been gone for 5 days when I got my first letter from him." It was a fat envelope that took several stamps of postage. He had started writing it on his trip home and it was filled with reassurance and expressions of his love."

This allowed me a breathing space from my constant self pity and depression." I received a letter every day for the next two weeks until he was able to return to school."

I could barely contain my enthusiasm for the day he returned." He let his class out after only a few minutes with an out of class assignment which meant we would have almost the entire afternoon together."

You would have thought we had been separated for two years instead of two weeks." I was lost in my thoughts about the day and his return not even aware of the bus trip home." I got home at my usual time and went to my room.

I opened the door and was startled to see every letter lying open on my bed." I quickly closed the door and locked it." I found it hard to breathe when I realized the ramifications. What I did not know was if it my father or mother or both who had done it." I was trembling so hard that it was difficult to put the letters in their envelopes and back in my chest of drawers."

I had no idea what I could do much less what I should do." I thought of running away but quickly accepted the futility of that avenue." I felt so alone and vulnerable." It was out of the question risking a call to Jet."

I stayed in my room until it was time to eat supper." My mind was careening from one possibility to another as I walked up the stairs to the kitchen."

We all sat at the table which was unusual because either Steve or Phillip routinely had some activity but not that night." No one said anything that even gave me a hint about what was happening."

I ate in grim silence and do not have any recollection if the others talked or not." I returned to my room and waited for what seemed an eternity for something to happen."

My father opened the door without knocking came in and pulled the door closed behind him." He just stood there looking at me watching me trying to look at him." He finally asked me where the letters were to which I replied what letters."

He said you know what god damned letters, where are they?" My brilliant reply was that it was illegal to read some one else's mail and he had no business going thru my things.

"What do those letters mean?"

"They mean I am a homosexual."

"Oh my god, a fairy!" He said as he put his hand to his forehead and fell back against the door aghast at the truth.

That is the only dialogue I can honestly quote verbatim." Our conversation digressed from there. "It became steadily more heated and louder with less and less to do with truth and reality."

I was told that I would be taken to school and picked up after class's everyday and I would account for all my time." I was not to have any time by myself." He did not realize that the queer I was seeing was none other than my teacher."

When I was dropped off the next day I ran immediately to find Jet." He was teaching one of his other classes." I knocked on the door interrupting his lecture but one look at my face stopped his retort."

I waited in the hall and when he found me I tried to tell him what had happened but only managed to garble enough with my crying to frighten him." He told me to go to the apartment and he would be there as soon as possible."

I thought that I had regained my composure until he opened the door taking me into his arms." This time I was able to give him a more accurate rendition which did little to calm his fears."

I told him that no one had figured out that I was in love with my teacher not another student." It was painful to tell him that I had been accused of going from room to room in the dorms servicing one after another of the stu dents and if I liked the taste of their come." Jet visibly blanched when I told him the particulars of what my father had said to me." This type of conduct was completely beyond his experience."

The idea that someone would use that language and ask those questions was abhorrent to him." "We parted that day with a sense of dismay and doom." The futility was over burdening."

I felt like it just was not worth the struggle as I stood at the bus stop waiting to be picked up and taken home." When he arrived I got in the car and neither of us spoke or even looked at each other."

This grim routine continued until I said fuck it and stopped going to classes to spend time with Jet." It did not matter any more about school." I was not only bitter but desperate to escape this treatment."

My salvation was found in the most unexpected quarter." I called my father from the recruiting office of the local Army station to tell him that I had joined the army." His first comment was good that would make a man out of me."

I had explained to the recruiter that my father was tying to stop my relationship with my girlfriend." I wanted a week to spend with her before I left for basic training."

Between that less than bright sergeant and my-self we managed to let my family think I left for training a week before my actual departure date to allow me time with my girl. I managed to steal 7 days and 7 nights of the most intense time with Jet."

We never managed to forget the circumstances responsible for our time together." Those 7 days were everything I hoped they would not be. I would pretend to be someone else; a person free and without worries."

Nothing worked to stop the day that I had to leave." Jet stood on the dock at the train station and I watched him vanish as the Silver Meteor left Richmond heading for Columbia, South Carolina.

I can not imagine anyone would ever make it thru this chapter of my life so I do not expect any response." It has been extremely hard to remember and retell." I am happy to say it gets better, so very much better. I thank you for your patience."

Most Sincerely, John

John Windham: vindskinke@hotmail.com