Returning to Tate

Ok everyone, sorry for taking so long with the next installment. I thought it would be out long ago, but I had some personal issues. I appreciate your patience. Hopefully this chapter is up to your satisfaction. Anyway once again, all the characters in the story are completely factictious and any resembalence in purely coincidental, and scary This story is the intellectual property of the author, so please don't take a post this anywhere else. Thanks.

Returning to Tate Chapter 7:

Brothers Reunited

There are points in life where time seems to move faster then you can keep up with. Time has a way of deceiving you. There are times when the days move slower then a glacier on the move and then there are times when the hands of the clock seem to be just jumping from number to number with quicker jumps each time. Often in life you feel like you are in a race against time. Tonight that was how I felt. It was a race that I fear I might lose.

I accelerated my car out of the driveway as quick as I dared to go, which was much faster then I normally drove. There was no thought in my mind about getting a speeding ticket. The only thing running through it in the first moments of driving was figuring out where to go. I thought about the places that he hung around growing up and because of how close we were alike, where I might go. My only fear was that he would want to avoid me. If that was the case, this was going to be very hard. Patrick knew me as well as I knew him. That scared me.

As I pondered my thoughts in those brief moments, I had forgotten about Eric being in the car. "Can I ask what is going on?" he meekly asked. He looked extremely uncomfortable and nervous. I softened just looking at him.

"I am sorry," I took a deep breath and looked at him. There was something calming about having him around even with all this shit going on. "My brother is missing. I don't think there is anything, well hopefully there is nothing to worry about, but I need to find him. He has sort of run away from home."

"Oh god, I hope he is alright," the concerns in his voice made me feel a little bit stronger. "I am sure he will be fine. Just have confidence. If he is anything like you then I know he'll be ok."

I thought about it for a few seconds. I really did not want him to be like me. I knew if I was in a dark place then there was more then a little chance of doing something I would not normally do. Patrick was always stronger then I was. I just hoped he had that strength today. "I hope so. He and I have always been very close. He is only two years younger then I am."

"Wait, is your brother Patrick Caldwell?" I nodded. "Damn, I should have put that together a little earlier. I have never met him, but he is on the football team right? I see the resemblance now."

I chuckled. "Yeah that is him. I guess maybe I should have mentioned that when we met. I just did not feel much like talking about family though. That and I never thought about both of you being in the same class."

"That's cool. I know that you didn't feel up to that and I totally understand. You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. I came by because I wanted to apologize for whatever I did wrong."

That made a stab into my gut. I had hoped that he did not take it personally, but would he have thought of it any other way? "No, don't apologize. I am the one that needs to. You did nothing wrong whatsoever. That is the truth. You see I am just pretty fucked up right now. I want to talk to you about it all, I really do, but now is not the time I can go through it all. I owe you the truth about what is going on inside of me. I like you.you have been a calming influence and a great friend. I don't want to lose that, I sincerely do not."

It was Eric's turn to finally blush. He had not done it yet and not surprising, he was damn cute blushing. "Don't worry about it. We all have shit on our plate that fucks with us. I am the same way. I didn't think I had did anything wrong, but I could not be sure. I consider you a good friend too."

"I am glad." I reached over and patted his left shoulder. "Besides if I am going to be stuck in this town all summer I need people to hang with."

Eric's face lit up at that. "Well my summer just got a lot better." He face then shifted to a look of almost shame. "I am sorry for the excitement. Do you know where to look for your brother?"

"Don't worry about being excited that I am staying, I am glad. It makes my decision feel more right." I paused for a moment as I got my bearings. I knew where I was first going. "I am not a hundred percent sure where he will be. I have some ideas, but I'm afraid that he might be avoiding me. If that is the case then it will be a lot more difficult to find him. We both know each other too well."

"You think he is avoiding you?"

I took a few deep breaths. "I am not sure. It's tough to say. Right now he is going through a lot of things and perhaps more then I really know. That is sort of my fault too. When I went to Burke I sort of lost a lot of contact with people around here including my brother."

"You lost contact with your family?" Eric asked incredulously.

"It's complicated," I did not know exactly what to say. I did not really want to get into the story of my life at this point, but I owed it to Eric. He started to say something but I continued before he had a chance. "My brother and I were close, but my parents and I were not, well we have not be close for several years. That is why I was stressed at the hospital, well the main reason. I guess the easiest way to say it is to come out and just fucking say it, but I am gay."

I subconsciously looked down toward the pedals. Looking down was what I always tended to do whenever I would admit my homosexuality. I guess it was sort of a Pavlovian response. That was one of the gifts of my father, shame. Mentally I know that it was stupid to be ashamed of it, but I could not help it. It was my instinct.

Eric reached over and put his hand on my right hand. It made me feel stronger. His simple touch seemed to make the shame wash away from me. "I know. I knew it from the first moment I met you. I am too."

I gave him a small smile and looked back over to him. I had to look back at the road quickly before I drove off it. I guess I needed to pay a little bit of attention. Still I did not let it faze me. "I know too. I mean I did not always know, but I suspected. I think I got a defective gayder," I chuckled but continued. "Anyway, my parents did not take it well at all. So eventually I moved out to the Cross's and lived there for the last two years of high school. When I went to Burke, I went to sort of escape my life. I left it here and tried to forget about everything. Then my Father had a stroke and I came back."

"I am sorry. I cannot imagine not being close to my family. They have always been there for me. I can understand wanting to leave this town though. I have only been here a year and I want to be out of here more then anything. I cannot imagine always living here." I could see a lot of pain in his expression.

I turned the car and started to drive down Eagles Way. I figured the best place to start was the YMCA. It was hard to think with Patrick missing and Eric looking so down all at once. His pain especially bothered me. I felt I should try to talk to him about everything but now did not seem the best time. Still it was worth a try. I had to try.

"Is everything ok with you?" I glanced over to him and gave him a concerned look. "You seem like you need to talk about something. I would be glad to listen to you. God knows you have and probably will do more of that with me. I don't normally talk about my problems this much, but it is easy with you. I want it to be easy for you too."

He stared at me for a few seconds and seemed to shift uncomfortably. He looked like he was going about everything for a split moment, but then he replied, "No, I don't feel up to it, at least not right now. I just.I just don't want to talk about it. I am sorry. I should be willing to do it, but it is just too hard right now. Besides you don't need to hear my worries right now. You need to focus on your brother. I am here to help you out. Thanks though, I really appreciate the offer and the compliment."

"No problem, thanks for being here tonight," I replied. I thought about pushing it a little bit on trying to get him to open up and talk, but that did not seem right. He needed to talk about it, but only when he was ready. That's what I had to do. Trying to do anything else would have been hypocritical. "If you feel like you want to talk about it and when you are ready just know that I am there for you too."

He smiled and blushed again. "Thanks, you kick ass you know. So where is our first place to look for you brother?"

"Well I figure to try the YMCA first. We both always hung out there. Then I figure I would go by MacArthur Park. I do not think he would be there, but there is a place there I used to go all the time to think. There is a chance, ever slight that he might have gone there."

"Could he have gone to one of his friends for help perhaps?"

I had thought about that a little bit too. "Maybe, but to be honest I am not sure who all of his friends are nowadays. I know a couple that he hung out with, but that just feels like a needle in the haystack. Fuck though I guess all of this is really that. It is nothing more then a guessing game. I am just hoping there is some luck running with me tonight."

Eric sat quietly for a minute. I think he sensed I needed to be able to think for a minute. I was beginning to feel the frustration and the nervousness again. Where the hell would he go? Four years ago I could have said it in a heartbeat, now though I felt completely at a loss. I just had to have some faith.

Patrick sat there against the tree for what seemed like forever. His comprehension of time seemed to have vanished. He was numb to time and his surrounding. There was no feeling in the bark burrowing in his skin on his back or the rocks on the ground. He was not sure how long he cried but it seemed like it would never end. Patrick while always passionate had been instilled with his Fathers ideas that real men did not cry. He could not remember the last time that he had cried. Once he let the crying start though, he could not seem to stop it. It felt like Pandora opening the box. The crying had made him feel even worse because he felt shame in that. It made him feel weak. The one consolation was that there was no one here to see him.

He could not remember feeling so bad and so alone. All his life one of the great abilities he had always possessed was the ability to shift his mood to good at almost a heartbeat. It was a strength that he possessed. His motto was there was always something good to look forward to. That had been severely tested in the past, but even the dark days when his brother was kicked out of the house, he had at least been able to keep it together. That was because of his brother. Even when Justin was going through hell, Patrick knew that he was watching over him and that seemed to have meant everything. Justin may not have been home, but he was just down the street. More then one night he had snuck out of the house to see his brother. There was never a doubt in his mind that if he needed it, Justin would be there in a heartbeat for him. He was his big brother.

Patrick thought about pulling out his cellular phone and calling Ryan. He knew that Ryan would be all too happy to pick him up and let him crash. They had been friends for years. It didn't feel right though. When Justin left the house he had went to the Cross's. He had been able to go there because they had been like family to him. Ryan had been a good friend to Patrick, but they were no where near as close as Rick had been to his brother. No the truth of the matter was that while Patrick had a ton of friends, none felt close enough to call for help like this. They just always knew that always happy and strong Patrick. They knew the image he had built up all these years.

Slowly Patrick stood up. He legs were wobbly as he got up. The muscles in his legs were stiff from the running. He felt drained from the physical exertion and all the crying had made him emotionally tired. He pulled the bottom of his shirt up and wiped his eyes and cheeks clear of the tears. The salty taste of his tears was bitter to him. There was a moment that he thought he would start crying again, but somewhere inside of him he got the strength to force it back. He was not sure what he was going to do, but more crying wasn't going to help.

The playground was now empty. He was thankful for that. People were the last thing he felt like seeing at the moment. Taking a deep breath, he started to walk across the playground to the road. He was not sure where he was going, but he could not stay around here. He needed to try to focus his mind, walking had always helped with that.

Once he got to the road he started walking north along Fifth Street. All along the road were some houses that had been built in the early part of the twentieth century. Every house looked different and seemed to have a flavor and history of its own. The neighborhood was not the best of ones in town, but in a town the size of Tate none of them were truly bad. This one just tended to be more rundown and had lower land values. It was a neighborhood where there poorer people tended to live in. There probably was a spike in crime rate in this part of town, but not enough that Patrick would feel scared walking at night through. Besides, to be honest, Patrick was not sure if he cared if he came across something dangerous right now. There was a part of him that wished that was just what would happen.

Patrick did his best to not feel pity for himself, but right now he had a lot of trouble with that. There was so much that he felt guilty for. Every teenager probably wondered from time to time if the world would be better if they were not around, but Patrick had never really felt like that, at least not until the last few days. Rationally, he knew Justin was right. He was not the fault of his Father's stroke, but dammit, he had been there. He had given him the news that set him over the top. What made him feel worse though was he was not sure how he felt about his Fathers stroke. He was conflicted.

The part that scared him was that he was not sure if he really felt sad about his Fathers stroke and the fact that he wasn't going to get better. There was a part that really just wanted him to finally die. Deep down inside him there was anger. He had buried the anger deep down because he felt ashamed of it. It was an anger that Patrick felt no son had a right to have for their Father. It felt wrong and disrespectful. It was there, nevertheless. The suppression had only made it grow. The anger often felt like it was going to boil into rage sometimes. It was anger over his father's competitive side, kicking Justin out, hitting Justin and him, and so much more. A father should be one of the hearts of the family, but to Patrick it felt like he had ripped it apart. It made part of him cold to the demise of his father. That was scary and not right. This was a hard for Patrick to swallow since he had tried to do what was always right. He wanted to be like Justin.

All this felt compounded because he felt he had let everyone down. He knew that all he had done this evening was be the cause of more pain in the family. His Mother, while he did have issues with, he knew that he truly loved her. She may have a lot of faults, but she had tried with him. There was no doubt the pain she was going through right now and he had felt like he just put more salt on her pain. What kind of son did that? He knew if the situation had been reversed and Justin was still at home, he would not have done it. He would have been there for Mom. Hell, with everything they have done to him, he came all the way back from Burke.

Thinking of Justin, he felt like he let him down. Justin had always told him that he wanted him to stay at home and not get into trouble over him, but there was a part that felt ashamed he never did more for him. Patrick felt like perhaps Justin would not have left if he had been more of a man back then and stood up. He might have been able to fix the rift in the family if he had been stronger. After the fight with his father though, he had given in. He felt he had failed to be a dutiful brother by trying to be the dutiful son at the same time.

Patrick just didn't know what to do. All he knew right now was there was more pain filling him and guilt then he ever had felt. He wanted it to just cease. The weight made breathing hard. He did not want to face the world anymore. It was taking all his efforts to not break down and start crying again. For the first time in his life, he seriously contemplated that his time had past. So he walked. A thought crossed through his head that this was the last time he would see this street.

"You don't think Patrick would do anything rash do you?" Lisa asked Rick as they were driving down Northeastern Avenue. The concern in her voice was unmistakable. There was a subtle tinge of fear in her tone.

Rick started to reply quickly, but he was not sure of the answer. Patrick had always seemed like a free spirit, but to be honest he did not really know Patrick well. He had been the type of person that did not open up to people and that had been only too true with Rick. Rick could remember a time that Patrick resented him. When Rick and Justin had been in elementary school, Patrick had went as far as pushing him down and yelling that he was not Justin's brother. The resentment had never come back, but there was always a slight air that Rick felt with Patrick. They got along well and joked around, but they never were anywhere close to like Rick was with Justin.

"I don't know," Rick finally broke the silence. "Patrick has always been a strong kid, but everyone has their breaking point. You know there was a time I would have said that Justin would always be well, but then I saw him fall apart. There is nothing scarier then seeing the person you see as the strongest one in your life collapse. There was more then one time I felt that I would not see Justin the next morning."

"Oh my god," Lisa reached over and grabbed his hand on the gearshift. "I knew that he was depressed, but I never, well I never figured it was that bad. I guess though with all that he went through it is not surprising. No one wants to think anyone has it that bad."

"Yeah, it is easy to overlook. Maybe that is what has happened to Patrick. Thankfully I could not overlook Justin. He was like a brother and his pain was my pain. He could never hide it from me."

Rick paused for a moment and he felt a spark inside of himself that he had not felt in a long time. It was the connection that he had always had with Justin, but he had let it be suppressed for the last couple of years. He had thought that it was gone, but no he had just tried to forget it. It was easy to remember the good times, but the hard times were ones he had let slip. Those hard times though were what made a close friendship like Justin and his be a great friendship. It was what made them more then friends but brothers. There was a wave of guilt at feeling abandoned by Justin. Justin had never really left him, but instead he had left his problems. The problem was Rick had remained where his problems were. He knew this. Maybe if he had tried to go up to Burke more often then things could have been better. Instead that just seemed so far away. Why did he think it would seem any closer for Justin either?

"Are you ok honey," his thoughts were broken by the voice of the girl he loved.

"Yeah, I was just having a realization. Justin left because he had to leave his problems. The last two years I had been there so much for him. I had helped keep him together. I guess in a way I helped give him the strength to go to Burke. He needed to get away from seeing his problems everyday though. He needed time to think. I stayed though. I remained where his problems were. I just feel stupid right now."

"You shouldn't feel that way," Lisa said comfortingly. It was a tempting thing for him to do.

"No it is not," he pushed back her comforting voice. "You say all of those idiotic things in high school that moving to another school changes nothing, but we have to change with it if we expect friendships to remain close. I expected that he would be the one coming back all the time, but you know, I only went to Burke twice. I never left the world we grew up and I thought that he would just slide back I think."

Lisa looked at him not sure what to say. "Friendship is a two way street. You are not the only one to blame, but it is good you can see it. Things will be fine."

He let her words soften him a little bit. "I am sorry. I just never realized what I was doing. I had built up this resentment without being aware of it. In high school I sort of became his protector. When he left for college I just felt like he did not need it. Tonight though has made me afraid what would have happened if he went through something like this there. Would he have still called me like when we were in high school? Or did he believe that I was not there anymore?"

"You were there and he knew that. I know you know Justin far better then I, but from the times I was around the both of you, I knew that he never felt let down. He had full faith and trust in you. In those last two years of high school, he always looked nervous and uncomfortable, except when he was around Patrick or you. Then he almost seemed confident and happy in life. He reminded me of the old Justin, the one before his sixteenth birthday. That is not the type of person to forget you. Just make up for the lost time. Everything really will be fine."

Rick had to smile at her. She had become his weakness and strength all in one. "Thanks, I needed to hear that. I guess I will just feel better when we can find Patrick and then I can talk to Justin. I guess there is nothing like a little mutual fear to remind you what people mean to you."

"Do you know where to look for him?"

Rick pondered. He had told Justin that he would try on the north side of town. Patrick had been always like Justin, so the best he could figure was too try to think about where Justin would have went. If it had been Justin he would have wanted to avoid people. He usually went to a park or something, preferable one of the ones that would have no people in them. Unfortunately the hour did not help since most would be like that now. Well, he knew that Patrick would be on foot so that meant trying the closest ones to his house and work his way out.

"Not sure, we will try the parks and places with no people around. That would be what Justin would do."

He turned his car on Fifth Street. Almost immediately his headlights seemed to spotlight a lone figure walking down the street. There was no doubt it was Patrick. The way he walked and his head down reminded Rick of Justin. Their mannerism had always been similar and apparently that was true in depression too.

"Thank bloody god," Rick pulled out the cell phone. He pointed at the person walking and began to slow the car. "There he is."

Lisa sighed in relief. "I knew you could do anything."

Rick could just smile at her for a moment waiting for Justin to answer the phone. "We found him. He is walking on Fifth Street as we speak." He paused for a moment to hear a response. "Don't worry we will be here."

Rick brought his car ahead of Patrick and pulled to the side of the road. "Just stay here for a minute. If he is like Justin it will be easier with just me. Hopefully Justin will be here in just a few minutes."

"Go to him, I will be here waiting. I am just glad everything is fine now."

"Well hopefully, I am not as close as I am to Patrick. Like I said, never really close, but I just need to hold him here until Justin comes. He can make things right." As he said it, he realized he really felt like that.

He got out of the car. It seemed like Patrick did not notice him at first. Patrick had his head looking to the ground and seemed lost in his thoughts. The pain was obvious in him. Rick had never seen Patrick look so down. It broke his heart to see him look so down. Patrick had been always the chipper one.

"Hey whats up dude," Rick called out and seemed to startle Patrick. "Watcha you doing walking down here at this hour?" Rick tried to keep a light hearted voice.

Patrick looked almost like a cornered animal. His head looked right and left. For a moment Rick worried that he was about to make a run on him. If that happened he doubted he could catch him. Patrick was quick. Thankfully he just shrugged. "Just going on a walk and trying to think. What are you doing here? This seems a bit out of the way for you."

"Ah just driving around and saw you on the side of the street. Figured I would stop and say hey." Rick gave a big smile.

Patrick eyed him suspiciously. He knew better then that. Rick had always been cool with him, but this just seemed too coincidental. "Well you have said hi, I just sort of want to be alone if you don't mind." He started to walk by Rick.

The subtle way was not working, so Rick tried the direct. Patrick was like Justin. As Patrick started to walk by him he grabbed his left shoulder. Patrick whirled around and for a moment he though that a punch might be thrown. That did not stop him though. He was willing to take whatever it took to keep Patrick here.

"Yeah I do mind. What's up?"

"Nothing just leave me alone," Patrick lashed out. "Can't you take a hint? I need to think and I want to be alone. Alone means no you being around." Patrick tried to pull away, Rick just moved with him.

"Bullshit," Rick yelled back. "I have known you forever and your brother is the best friend I ever had. I recognize the look in you face. I have seen it in Justin's face. It is a look that scares me. That is the look that I will not walk away from. You may need to think, but alone I think not."

Patrick weakened. Still he tried to move away a little quicker, but it was hard. "I am not Justin so fuck you. Just leave me alone."

Rick moved faster and got in front of him. "No you are not, but you are my friend and fuck you may not think of me as your brother, but you are. You have me worried and you have Justin worried. He's on his way right now. If you will not stop for me, you will for him. He is worried."

"But I don't want him to know," Patrick just once again collapsed and started crying. Rick just held him and let him cry. Sometimes that was all you could do.

"Its ok, it really is," Rick whispered into Patrick's ear.

After a couple of minutes a car raced down the road and came to a screeching halt. Patrick felt shame at making Justin so worried. He knew as soon as he saw him leap from the car. The worries were not something that Justin was good at hiding. He looked just about as scared as he had ever seen him before.

As I pulled the car to the side of the road, I felt a relief that I don't think I had ever felt before. I felt like I had been holding my breath since my Mom had called. Now all the tension was gone. Everything would.no had to be fine. The first sight of Patrick in Rick's arms made me feel relief and sadness. It broke me up that he was in such pain. He was Patrick and that had always equaled happiness and no pain. Thank god Rick was there for him. Rick was always there.

"Pat," I ran over and grabbed him. "Are you ok?"

"I am so sorry, I am sorry, I didn't want you

to worry," Patrick muttered between some sobs. "I am not as strong as you. I fucked up."

"No, no everything is fine. You are fine. I am here. You know I am always here for you. You are my brother."

Those words seemed to give him a little

bit of strength. "I know you are, but I wanted to be as strong as you. You never would have fallen apart like I just did."

I had to laugh at that. It seemed to startle

Patrick. "Are you kidding? You saw me. I broke up all the time. Fuck I left home. Hell from before I left home I was always just barely holding it together. Honestly, I have always wished I had your strength to carry me through."

"Yeah but you had a real reason. Dad kicked you out and fucked you over. If our roles were reversed you would not have lashed out at Elaine, you would be strong for the family, and you wouldn't have been contemplating what I was. I just feel like a complete failure right now."

He did not want to look me into my face, but I wouldn't let that happen. I moved to look him into his eyes. "Not true. I have blown up at Elaine too. Damn when do I not fight with Elaine. Apparently not as good as you.I feel a bit envious at that. I never seem to affect her that much," that forced him to give me a small grin. "As for the other thing you are alluding too, if it is suicide. Yeah more then once I considered it. Hell I tried it once. If it wasn't for this guy," I pulled Rick over. "I would have done it. He pulled me from the edge of it."

Rick lightly punched me in the gut. "That's for that time to. I forgot I owed you that." That seemed to lighten up the mood a little more. "Scare me like that!"

"We are all human. One of the things I look to for my strength is you. Rick and you are the two closest people too me. Come to me when you need to talk. Fuck I am staying here at least for the summer. I need you to keep my sanity in dealing with Mom and.ok no one probably can help with dealing with Elaine, but you can help me not to kill her."

Patrick chuckled for a minute. "Yeah no one

can keep their cool with Elaine. I have to admit that it felt good to give her a piece of my mind. I never have really done that before."

"I wish I could have seen her face. That would

have been a Kodak moment." I smiled at Patrick. "Now why don't you come with me and we will talk about it." "Yeah, I guess," Patrick relented. "I just don't

want to go home. Don't make me go back there."

"Hey you know you can crash at my place," Rick spoke up. "We put up all Caldwell's that need a place to stay. We don't call it the Caldwell Hostel for nothing. Besides you are family too".

We all laughed at that. "Well tonight you can

come there, but tomorrow we need to get you home, Mom is worried."

"But Elaine."

"We will deal with Elaine, together," I replied confidently. "We are the Caldwell brothers, nothing defeats us. You know the saying when we were in little league together." We both laughed again. "No I will talk to Mom. We will get some things straightened out. I won't make you go back to anywhere that you might feel uncomfortable. You know that right? We will just set up ground rules, but Mom does need you and I need you. I need you to be there when I can't. Like I said though, I am here for you. I am not going anywhere for at least a few months and even then I still am not really leaving."

He stared out me for a minute and slowly nodded. "Ok, I can do that. I trust you. And Rick," Patrick turned and looked at him. "Thanks for finding me tonight. I don't know what I would have done if you had not."

"Ah don't worry, I can find any Caldwell. It is

my super power.although thinking about it I would rather be able to fly."

After a few minutes more of talking, Rick told

me he would meet us back to the house. I felt like a team with Rick again tonight and that felt especially good with the relief I already was feeling for Patrick. In the whole situation I had forgotten about Eric until I was walking Patrick to my car. I was not sure how to introduce them together. Oh well, I guess I was going to have to wing it.

"Who's that in the car," Patrick asked as we got up to the car.

Eric got out of the car and felt as uncomfortable as I did. "Uh, well this is my friend Eric. Eric this is my brother."

Patrick seemed to ponder him for a second. You could see his mind working it all out. Then his eyes seemed to bulge for a second. "Hey I know you. You are in my class at school. You're gay right?" The ever tactful Patrick exclaimed. He then looked from him to me and let a big grin out. "Hey you two aren't dating are you?"

"Uh.no.I mean we are friends," I stammered. "I just.well just meet him."

Patrick laughed at me. He had the look of a kid on Christmas that just got the best gift ever. Oh how I knew I was about to be made fun of. "That's ok, sorry if I embarrassed you," he looked at a red faced Eric. "I don't mean to give you a hard time, but the chance to give it to my bro, well I can't pass that up. It would be unnatural. It is good to meet you."

"Yeah, I understand that," Eric looked very shy replying back. "I can see how he would be fun giving him a hard time too. I am hoping he'll let me give him a hard time all summer."

"Well I am sure you will give him something hard," Patrick laughed as he opened the backseat car door. "You love birds can share the front seat."

Both Eric and I blushed more. Damn, I had forgotten how well Patrick could embarrass me. I was going to have to get even with him. "He is.you know. just kidding," I stammered too Eric.

He finally just busted out laughing. I could do nothing but reply with the same. "Oh god this is bound to be an interesting summer that is for sure."

We got into the car and I started to drive Eric back to his house. I could tell that he still wanted to spend more time with me. Truth be told, I sort of wanted to too, but I needed to focus on Patrick. Plus I knew that his Mother had to be worried to death about him. I would be too if he left after what he been through. I was guessing he had left before she got home. He had said that she was in protective mode right now. I understood that. I wanted to be just as protective. Hopefully I did not get him in trouble. I would not forgive myself for that.

On the way over to Eric's house Patrick kept up

the mood. It felt like nothing had changed. I had missed being around him. Just like before he still seemed to have the ability to shift back his mood to a good one. Still even now I could see that he still had some nervousness in him, he was feeling more comfortable, but he could not hide it all from me.

Eric seemed to take a liking to Patrick too. After a couple of minutes he was giving back as good as he got. They chatted about the basics of school and bitched about the teachers. Patrick seemed to know some things about Eric but he avoided subjects that might make him uncomfortable. Once while Eric had his back turn to him and I was looking at Patrick saying something in the rearview mirror he pointed at Eric and gave me the thumbs up. It was what he did whenever anyone was talking to a girl that they wanted to date and he approved. I just blushed again and got one of those stupid grins. When Eric turned to me he could only give me a quizzical look. That just made Patrick bust out laughing.

As I pulled into Eric's Driveway, he Mother

seemed to coming running out of the house. She was a woman that looked in her early thirties with blonde hair that was in a short professional look. She was not exactly thin but she was not overweight. Her height could not have hit five foot, but she looked taller with the way she carried herself. She had a set of black rimmed glasses that gave her an air of sophistication. Her outfit she was wearing was a very smart looking suit, skirt combination. If I had her as a professor I would definitely feel her aura of academia.

"Eric Tyler Greene, you get out of that car!" Her voice had that authority only a mother could give. We all slumped a little bit in our seats subconsciously. I think we all felt in trouble not just Eric. He looked like a ghost with how pale he became. She did not seem like the woman that you wanted on her bad side.

"Are you going to be ok?" I muttered under my breath. I was afraid to speak louder.

"Uh yeah.I think," he replied just as low but in a more nervous voice. "I have not seen her get this mad."

"Don't make me yell your name again, Mister! You may have just come back from the hospital but I can send you back!" She stopped right in front of my car. "That is why we have good health insurance!"

Eric slowly slunk out of the car. I thought he

would just roll out at first. He kept his head down and looked very guilty. "I am sorry. I just had to go out."

"Sorry does not cut it Eric," Her voice lowered but was still full of authority, although there were wisps of concern in her voice. "You know how scared you have had me. I was about to call the police and your father is out looking for you."

Eric started to reply, but I felt I could not let him get in trouble by himself. I got my courage together and got out of the car. Her gaze shifted to me. It was an angry one, but one that softened as soon as I spoke. "Uh Mrs. Green, I don't mean to interrupt but I have to take part of the responsibility. He came to see me because I sort of worried him. I am sorry."

She seemed to mellow more and even gave me a small grin. "It is not your fault. He knows better. You must be Justin," She walked over and shook my hand. I felt almost in shock at the quick change from anger to being one of the most pleasant people I have seen. There was a warmth that I had not seen from her that seemed to spring from her. "Eric has done nothing but talk about you since you came by his hospital room the first time."

Once again I blushed. Fuck I needed to stop this, it was becoming too much of a trend. "Uh thanks, but anyway we were hanging out and I sort of had to go quickly without telling him why and he basically came by to make sure that everything was ok. So you see, I hold some of the responsibility."

"I understand that. I was young once, but he

knew better then to run out. He could have waited until I got home and then I would have given him a ride or he could have used one of the new technologies, a phone. Sneaking out is not acceptable," her voice went up a couple of octaves with the last word and her look shifted to Eric. "We have just been very worried about him. At least he was with someone that seemed responsible. Thank you for that."

"Well I try," I shrugged not knowing what

else to say. "Irregardless, we have tried

to teach Eric that there are consequences for his actions," She paused and gave him a stern look. "I guess though for all that you have been through we can let this one slip by. Besides I think the embarrassment I have managed to do is punishment enough. It is hard work for a Mother to succeed so well at this." Eric let out a loud sigh, "Thanks Mom, you are

the best. I'm sorry for worrying you. You know that."

"I know dear, we are not done talking about it, but I think we can do that in private and not in front of your friend." She then moved her gaze back to me. "Well I assume since you felt guilty about this that you can make dinner Sunday night so his Father and I can properly meet you."

I felt very fidgety under her gaze. It terrified me to say no, but from her eyes I knew I could not. "Yeah I can do it."

"Excellent, then dinner will be at six, feel free to come anytime Sunday. We don't go out. Besides I am sure Eric will want to fully prepare you for meeting us." She gave Eric a sly grin.

"Ok," that was all I could reply. Eric gave me a sympathetic shrug and smile. Then he meekly followed his Mom into the house. I just kind of stood in the driveway looking dumb founded. I felt like I was meeting the parents of someone I was dating. We weren't even doing that, but it scared the hell out of me. Of course that was not a bad thought really.

I got into the car and Patrick jumped into the

front seat that Eric had vacated. "Wow dinner with the

in laws!" All I could do was turn and punch

him in the shoulder as hard as I could. He gave me a shocked look and we both busted out laughing. "We are just friends. I am not dating him."

"You want too though, don't you bro."

As I turned the key on and put the car in

reverse, I turned and looked at Patrick. He had that knowing look that I knew I could not lie too. "I don't know, but yeah, I guess. I have never had an opportunity like this and I really do like him."

He just grinned at me. "I say go for it. You've

got nothing to lose. Besides dating is fun."

"So says the person that dated half of the women in his class."

"Uh it is three fourths now and working on the

class below too.. I mean you missed the last two years." Once again we both laughed.

I pulled out of the driveway and started to drive back to the Cross's. I almost started a deeper conversation with Patrick, but it did not feel right at the moment. There was a dance of sorts that we played when there were important things to talk about. Our conversations had a flow to them, and we could tell when the other was ready to talk. Otherwise we just moved around everything else and kept it light. Patrick needed a little bit of just getting back into the groove of being around me before he talked to me. He needed it to be a little light for a bit. I understood. It would have been the same way with me. It wouldn't be until everyone else had went to bed that we would talk about it. Serious talks always happened at the deepest part of the night. I guess that is when you feel the safest talking about them.

As we drove back to the Cross house, I took a moment to call Mom. Patrick seemed nervous while I talked to her, but he did not say a word. I did not spend much time on the phone. I basically told her that everything was good and that Patrick was with me. She was not happy when I told her that I was taking him over to the Cross's. She tried to be adamant against it, but I told her that we both would come over tomorrow and that Patrick would continue staying at home. He just needed a night away to clear his thoughts. I think she was a little afraid that it was clearing thoughts with me, but she did not have much of a choice. She tried to get me to pass the phone to him, but I told her that he was not available for the moment. I thought for sure we were about to break out in another round of our cycle of fighting we have been in, but she surprised me in the end. She basically relented and told me to pass on to Patrick that she loved him. Then she got off the phone.

I should have been relieved that the conversation went so easy with her. I did not enjoy fighting with her, but I felt down after talking with her. It was the fact that she had asked me to pass on to Patrick that she loved him, but said nothing to me. Why it bothered me still, I could not really say. It shouldn't. At least that is what I kept saying to myself. I knew that she was upset with me and that for four years I was not part of the family, at least her family. Still I a part of me desperately wanted that. I just tried to shrug it off.

Patrick noticed that I was bothered by something after the call. I just said the usual, "Mom just got me frustrated, but it is cool." Patrick started to push the issue and we just went back to the dance. Just like Patrick knew that my conversation was not over with him, I knew his to me was not either. That was actually comforting. I may not have my Mother back in my life, I did have my brother.

We arrived back at the Cross house and just

like at Eric's a Mother came running out. This time though she was not yelling. She had a look that mixed a smile, relief, and concern all in one look. I think that was one of those special looks that Mothers develop when they have kids. There was no way I could convey that much in a single look. Seeing her coming out to the car, all I could do was grin. This was just another reminder of what a mother should act like. Hell, she felt like she was my mother. Patrick seemed a little uncomfortable and guilty seeing her come out. I know he felt smaller then a speck of dust for making her worry. I knew what he was going through. Back in the past I thought I only had worried Rick, which made me ashamed enough, apparently now I know I had them all worried more then once. Fuck that made me feel a little ashamed.

"Patrick, are you ok?" Mrs. Cross grabbed

hold of Patrick as soon as he stepped out of the car. It was a little funny seeing because even though Patrick looked like the strong athlete, in her embrace he looked as weak as a babe. As she held him she gave me a look that told me she was proud of me. It made me feel like I was two feet taller and damn near invincible, not a normal feeling for me to say the least.

"You must be so stress out with everything that is going on with your father and school at the same time." Mrs. Cross continued acting as if there was nothing to worry about this evening. "You have to be hungry too. I always wished that Justin would have your appetite. It is a healthy one. I hope you don't mind but I cook up some food for you."

Patrick face lit up. He did love Mrs.

Cross's cooking. "Yeah I am famished." His stomach growled to back up his statement.

"Well come inside and get some food," Mrs. Cross started pulling him to the door. "It has been too long since you have been by. I have always said you are welcome here. I would say that I consider you my youngest son but you always seemed more mature then Rick, so I have to place him as the youngest." We went inside and there was a three course meal waiting. When Mrs. Cross had said that she had cooked something up, she was not lying. She had made a Caesar salad, cooked up some of her famous Italian sausage lasagna, and made a cheesecake to top off the meal. Until the food was in front of me, I had not realized how hungry I was. I guess the stress of the evening had made me completely forget I had not eaten since this afternoon.

Rick arrived shortly after we sat down. When I asked what took him so long, he just said that he had had to run a quick errand. He did not say any more and I did not push it. He seemed just as hungry as Patrick and I. It felt like a race to see who could eat the most. As per normal I was the first one out, followed by Rick. Patrick finished off the lasagna and I think only left two pieces of cheesecake left because he felt it would be rude to finish all of that off too.

While we ate dinner, everything felt like normal. It felt like we were all back in High School and eating one of the many meals here. There was no stress and everyone seemed to fall into their roles. The rest of the evening went by the same way. We went upstairs and played some Playstation 2 in Rick's room. It was fun. The only thing I noticed was that Patrick stuck around me really close. He either felt uncomfortable around Rick alone or just was afraid to leave me by myself. I didn't complain. He was my little brother and honestly I felt overly protective around him at the moment irregardless.

Finally it was time to go to bed. Patrick and I retired to my room. As we walked into it, Patrick seemed to move a little more slowly and definitely got a little quieter. He knew that the talk was about to happen. Truth be told I guess I was doing the same. Just like him, I was not looking forward to it. What the hell do you say? Fuck, I guess I was about to find out.

"So you back for the summer because of Eric," Patrick broke the silence as he sat on my bed. "He seems like a good guy. I guess cute, not that I pay attention to guys. Plus he seems to have a good attitude, which is impressive since I know some of the things he has gone through."

I sat down beside Patrick. "No I am staying because of you, Mom, Dad, and even Elaine I guess. Just don't tell her that. I could not just go back with things like this. I will say that Eric is an added benefit, but even if I did not know him, I would be here. You need me."

I paused. I could feel Patrick looking at me, but I had shifted to looking at my feet. Talking about my feelings was not the easiest thing for me. "I am also here for me. I have so missed you. I realized that as soon as I saw you again in the High School."

"You mean that?" Patrick softly said beside me.

"You are not saying that because of tonight?"

I looked over to Patrick and could see the shame in his eyes. He looked like he was about to breakdown. "Of course I mean that. I know I have not been the best brother the last."

"No you have been a great brother," he interrupted me. "You have just been through so much."

"That is no excuse," I continued. "What I have been going through has nothing to do with our relationship, and I have let it." Patrick started to interrupt me again, but I just continued. "I have been selfish. I have looked at my problems and forgot the people that needed me here and were keeping me afloat. You, Rick, the Cross's, you all have been there for me. I thought the easiest thing to do was run away. At first it is, but really that is not true. It is the coward's way. In life you can chose to face it and be a man. You can take responsibility. That is what I need to do. That is why I am staying. Running away is not free you of the problems, it just puts them on hold. This is. Being her right now. I am glad I am."

Patrick looked down to his feet. His face was filled with shame. I just wanted it to go away. My brother should not feel that way. He was my pillar of strength. There was a moment I did not think that he would say anything, but finally he started to reply.

"Tonight, fuck tonight, I thought I would do something I never really pondered tonight. I don't want to admit it, but you should know. I think I was going to commit suicide tonight." He looked like he was about to cry. I started to say something but he continued before I had the chance. "I felt weak and small. I can't get rid of all of this guilt. I feel like I am not helping the situation and making it worse. I guess I am a fool."

I put my arm around him. "Yeah you are, but we all are sometimes. I know how you feel. I feel it too still off and on. Dad's stroke is neither of our faults, but we will carry it with us for a long time. Guilt and pain do not go away in a snap, but maybe together we can eventually overcome it. Just promise me whenever you feel low you call me. No matter what time it is. You are my brother and I am here for you. I will even break down and get one of those damn cell phones finally."

Patrick chuckled for a second. "Yeah I can do that. I am sorry for worrying you. You are the last person I wanted to do that too."

"Don't worry about that. I will always worry about you. As long as you talk though, it will be fine. Consider that matter closed."

"Thanks, bro. I have missed you." Patrick gave

me a great bear hug.

"Tell me you don't snore anymore. I don't know

if I could take that tonight." I quipped at Patrick.

"You worry about my snoring. If I am sharing a bed with you, I worry about you rolling around. I am still healing the bruises from the last time two years ago." We both laughed.

Growing up so close in age, it never had bothered us to share a bed together. It is something that brothers had to do from time to time. It had been two years since last time. I used to hate it. Well I thought I hated it. Still there was something secure in it. I felt safe. Once again I felt like Patrick had my back again. Things would get better. I knew it would.