Ricky

The following story is fiction. It is what should have happened but didn't happen many years ago. This is the author's attempt to make right what went wrong and to restore that, which was lost.

This story is dedicated to the real Ricky with all the love that the real David has always felt but only recently has been able to express. So many years is long time for those feelings to wait to be displayed. Now they can be. It is also dedicated to the book and film Brokeback Mountain and Annie Proulx. The story of Ennis and Jack made it possible for David and Ricky to find each other again before it was too late.

Should you be reading this? It contains scenes of a homosexual and/or homoerotic nature. If you're too young, then go away and play with your GI Joe, and come back when you're old enough.

If you have the misfortune to live under a repressive regime, which doesn't allow you to read this sort of thing, then don't bother trying to write me from prison blaming me. You have been warned.

This work is copyright, no unauthorized copying or rehosting is permitted. All rights are reserved.

The author would like to thank Drew Hunt for his help in the writing of this story. His love, inspiration and friendship have given the courage to try to write stories such as this. T. O'Reilly 3/4/06. (terryo76@hotmail.com)

Ricky

Dave was new at East Leyden High that fall. He was a freshman who had moved to Franklin Park over the summer. He hadn't wanted to move, but didn't have a choice. When his dad got an offer that paid twice as much as he was making at his old job..., Dave just had to bite the bullet. Moving in the middle of the summer proved to be a good idea. He'd had time to make a few friends. He was tall, handsome, athletic, academically talented and he could sing. It wasn't long before he found his way to the "in" group. Ralph Parker and Doug Ross had discovered this new stud, and were more than ready to add him to their clique of popular kids.

The first day of school went very well. The only problem Dave had was finding his way around. It was much bigger than the small town school he had attended. He wound up in the wrong algebra class. He was supposed to be in advanced and had gotten into first year by accident. Other than that the only other thing that concerned him was lunch. He ate with his new friends, Ralph and Doug, and the 'crowd.'

After they were done, Ralph, who was a sophomore, said, "Time to get the year started right. Come on."

Ralph led the way to a table where there was a brunch of kids sat together talking and laughing. As soon as they saw Ralph's group advancing on them they huddled together. It seemed to Dave as if they were trying to make themselves invisible.

"Well, well, looks like they still haven't passed a rule against letting organisms of lesser intelligence into East Leyden."

The kids with Ralph all laughed loudly: all except Dave. The group at the table dropped their heads and began studying the peas and carrots on their lunch trays.

"Hey, what have we here?" Doug reached down for the ice cream sandwich on the tray of one of the guys at the table.

"That's mine," said the boy whose tray Doug had targeted.

"And, if I take it, your gonna do what?"

The boy dropped his eyes.

Everyone laughed as Doug took the ice cream.

"Hey man, don't!" Dave had stepped in.

The 'in crowd' all stopped laughing and turned to look at him.

"Shit, man, these guys aren't worth the space they take up, they're just a bunch of faggot psychos," Ralph interjected.

"That's no reason to steal their stuff," Dave retorted. "Doug, give it back."

There was a moment of tension between Doug and Dave. Then Doug tossed the ice cream back toward the boy. It missed the tray and fell on the floor. Dave reached down and picked it up and put it back on the tray. "Sorry," he said. The boy didn't look up.

"Fuck man. You got a lot to learn," Ralph said. He put his arm around Dave's neck and with his other hand gave Dave a nuggy.

As he was lead away by Ralph, who still had his arm around his neck, Dave looked back and saw that the ice cream owner had looked up, and when his eyes met Dave's, he nodded.

The next few days were filled with adjustments, not only to the new school but the new classes that were at a high school level. Dave was more than a match for them intellectually, but they still needed to be adjusted to. He had to make a couple of schedule changes. He needed one more elective.

He had a meeting with his counselor, Mr. Jerome, who looked over his middle school record with interest.

"You have a fine academic record, David. You should be in all advanced classes. I'll arrange for that. That leaves you with two electives. You've chosen acapella choir but as you know you can't be in that class unless you audition. We'll put you in chorus instead. You have one more, free elective. Have any ideas?"

"I really have an interest in acting."

"Hmm, unfortunately freshmen drama conflicts with your advanced algebra. Let's see. How about peer tutoring?"

"What's that?"

"A student with academic skills takes on the tutoring of a student who is struggling with some area of his or her studies. It usually pairs an upper classman with a younger student, but with your grades you should be able to offer some first rate help to someone especially in math. What do you think?"

"I guess so..." Dave wasn't sure he was ready to tutor anyone older, but if they could arrange for another kid his age it would be all right. He offered that to the counselor who accepted it. That could be arranged.

After two days in chorus Mr. Tkach, the choir director, was aware that Dave's voice was far too developed and true to be in the chorus.

"David," he approached him after class. "I would very much like you to try out for the acapella choir. I think you have what it takes. Freshmen are usually not in the choir but in your case..."

"Ah sure," Dave was pleased. He'd heard that acapella was a great experience. "What do I do?"

"Prepare three short audition pieces: one popular piece, one standard and one show tune. You'll audition in front of the choir in a week. Do you think you'll be ready?"

"Sure." Dave wasn't being cocky. He was confident he could sing and sing well. He had loved it all his life. Participation in school music groups, singing in school productions, church choir and just singin' along had been on his resume' for a long time. He even knew what he was going to sing. 'We Kiss in a Shadow,' from 'The King and I' would suffice for the show tune and show off his rich baritone. 'Its So Easy to Fall in Love' by Buddy Holly was one of his favorites. For his standard selection he would sing 'I've Got to Be Me.' He felt that expressed who he was in a very personal way. Yes, he would be ready.

On the day of the audition, Dave made his way to the music room. He'd been given a pass from the office that let him out of biology, which he usually had at that time.

Choir members were milling about the room waiting for the class to begin. Mr. Tkach looked up from the podium where he had been scrutinizing some music.

"Ah, David. Welcome, welcome. Just have a seat here."

Mr. T. indicated a seat next to the podium. 'Hmmm the hot seat,' Dave thought. He was not particularly nervous, just tense with anticipation.

"Class, this is David Felder." The members of the acapella choir turned and looked at Dave. "He is auditioning for us today. As you know, my opinion counts for 50% of the decision and yours the other 50%."

The class took their seats and all eyes were on Dave. Mr. Tkach turned to Dave and indicated that he was to start. Dave wasn't sure what to do. He stood and awkwardly looked around the room. There were a few giggles and some outright laughs.

"That's why we don't invite freshmen," a huge football player type shouted out.

"Shut up!" The voice came from the back of the room atop the risers. "Shut up and give him a chance!"

The voice belonged to the ice cream kid from the lunchroom.

"You shut up dumb Rick!" Came another voice from a handsome boy in the front. "No one wants your stupid opinion." The class laughed. The boy blushed and hid his eyes.

"That's enough, that's enough." Mr. T. stepped in. "I'm sorry David, I forgot you haven't been here long enough to know the procedure. Just step up on the podium, announce your selection and begin."

Dave stepped up on the podium. He hummed a note to give himself the key, took a steadying breath and began. It was immediately apparent to the group that this boy had talent. His voice was rich, clear and he had perfect pitch even when singing without accompaniment. The choir listened with rapt attention, nods and smiles. He figured he was already a shoo in, in everyone's mind.

As Dave sang, he scanned his audience. Half way through the Buddy Holly piece his eyes met those of the boy dubbed Dumb Rick. "It's so easy to fall in love.." he sang. Their eyes locked for more than just a moment. Dave felt a shiver run down his spine.

Following with 'I've Gotta Be Me', he found his eyes returning to Rick more than any other student in the room. He finished with his eyes once more locked on Rick's. There was immediate applause. Mr. T. rose and came forward. He put his arm around Dave's shoulders and said, "Well done, well done. Now if you will take a seat in the hall, the choir and I will evaluate your audition, and we'll let you know the out come."

As Dave left the room he glanced over his shoulder trying to find Rick once more. Several of the choir members, especially the girls, gave him an encouraging wave or a thumbs up. But, Rick had returned to looking at his lap.

Dave sat in the hallway of the music department. Several of the practice rooms were occupied, and the sounds of various songs played by different instruments made their muffled way out of the sound proofed cubicles. It came as somewhat of a surprise that Dave found himself thinking not of the audition and its outcome, but of Ricky. No one had called him Ricky that that he had heard, but to Dave it seemed to fit. He liked Ricky's black wavy hair, his deep brown eyes and his full lips. Yeah, he was chubby. If Dave had been an adult he would have probably used the word stocky, but he was, after all, only fourteen. Ricky also wore his pants too high. Most of the guys wore them down on their hips; Ricky wore them up around his naval. But, so what. Yeah, so what.

"David, come in." Mr. Tkach appeared at the door.

Dave walked into the room. The students of the acapella choir were all smiles.

"Mr. Felder, welcome to the choir." Mr. T shook his hand. "I'll arrange for your schedule to be changed. Take a seat up there with the baritones, right next to Ricardo."

"He means Big Dumb Rick," the handsome boy whispered with a grin.

The football player, who had earlier taunted Dave, said under his breath, "He means Retardo." Several choir members close to him laughed. Mr. T was back on the podium and didn't hear the remark.

"Thanks, you horrendous ignoramus," Dave shot back.

"Hey, what does that mean?"

"Look it up. That's if you can read." Dave knew he was taking a chance here, but somehow he had to defend the boy to whom he knew he had been singing.

The big guy just shrugged and went back to talking with his buddies.

Dave had felt a prick of happiness at the direction that he sit next to Rick, but wasn't he supposed to be going back to biology? He asked the choir director. He was told that he, Mr. T, would take care of it. 'Hmm, guess the man has pull,' the boy thought.

He followed the director's order and climbed the risers to sit on the top row next to Ricky, who was once again studying his footrest as if it were a slide under a microscope. On the way up he'd been greeted, high fived, and winked at.

"Thanks for standing up for me." Dave said to Rick as he sat.

No response.

He tried again. "I'm really glad I get to be in your section."

Nothing.

'Once more,' Dave thought.

"How long you been in choir?"

'I give.' the newcomer mused.

Then... "Two years." So soft that it was almost inaudible.

'Finally... contact with the aliens has been established.'

"Wow, that's great. You musta made it your freshman year too, huh?"

"No."

"But you're a sophomore right?"

Ricky turned red. "Yeah, but I'm supposed to be a junior."

"Oh." Dave could kick himself for his blunder.

"All right class, let's try the piece we have been practicing so that David gets an idea of what he's in for." Mr. Tkach smiled up at the young man and touched his hand to his forehead in salute.

Dave returned the gesture. He caught Ricky looking at him out the corner of his eye with a funny expression on his face. Dave couldn't read what it meant.

The choir began to sing Beethoven's Ode to Joy. He couldn't believe the beautiful powerful voice that resonated next to him. Ricky could sing. It made Dave wonder why he had been chosen. He could never match that voice.

When the singing ended, he turned to Ricky and said, Wow, man you could be a pro."

Ricky smiled. He actually smiled and simply said, "Thanks Dave."

When the class was dismissed and they were walking down the risers, Ricky spoke for a second time. "I'm glad you're in this section, too."

Dave's heart leapt. Just as he was going to suggest that they walk to their next class together as far as they could go, well wishing choir members separated them and Ricky was lost from view.

"Hey man," Ralph greeted Dave. "Heard you made the acapella thing. Cool. In some schools it would be thought of as a fag thing, but not here. Lot's of really cool kids are in it. I would be too only... I can't sing." He laughed at his own put down. Too bad you gotta sit next to Big Dumb Rick though. That definitely is not cool."

Dave acknowledged the congratulations then said, "What's wrong with sittin' next to Rick?"

"Man if you don't know ..." Ralph laughed.

"Well, I don't know. He seems like a nice enough guy. And he CAN sing!"

"Just be careful," Ralph said with a warning in his voice. "You got a good thing goin' with us. Don't blow it"

Dave didn't know what to say. He just nodded.

"David Felder?" The office secretary called out. Dave got up and came to her desk. Several students who were in the peer-tutoring program had been called to the office to get their assignments for this elective class.

"David, your tutoring partner is Ricardo Bolleggio. You will be helping him with practical math, year one."

Dave took the paper with Ricky's name on it. 'Well,' he thought, 'This should be interesting.'

That day in choir Dave took his seat and waited for Ricky to take his.

"Hi, Ricky. It looks like I'm going to be your tutor." He smiled.

Ricky on the other hand looked as if someone had smacked him with a baseball bat.

"Ah ...yeah they told me... that's good."

"What's wrong?' Dave hadn't expected this reaction. He and Ricky had been having a good time in choir the last week. They'd talked and laughed and generally enjoyed each other.

"Ah nothin'. I just ... nothing."

"Well, I think it's cool," said Dave giving him a warm smile.

Ricky took a breath and seemed to be somewhat reassured. He smiled, too, weakly.

Peer tutoring took place in a large study hall. The students paired with each other were assigned a table at which to work. The class was under the direction of whichever teacher had a free hour at that time. This hour was Marty Swartz, the muscular, handsome wrestling coach.

Dave arrived on time and sat waiting for Ricky to come in. The bell rang. No Ricky. Swartz took attendance. He called Bolleggio without looking up. "Bolleggio? He repeated and looked up, but not in the direction of the table where Ricky was supposed to be sitting.

Dave put his head down and uttered a muffled "Here."

Marty Swartz just marked off Ricky's name on the attendance list and went on.

In choir Dave confronted Ricky.

"Where the hell were you today? We were supposed to get started on your math tutoring."

Ricky hung his head.

"Well?"

"Well what?" Ricky said defiantly.

"Shit, I'm supposed to help you with math. I can't do that if you don't show. And besides if you don't we both fail the class."

Ricky softened. "I'm sorry, Dave. I just... I just didn't want you to know how stupid I am."

"What the fuck are you talking about? Just cuz you have trouble in math doesn't mean you are stupid."

"I have... learning disabilities. I'm a retard."

"And you're completely psycho." Dave reached out and ruffled Ricky's luxurious hair. He immediately felt a thrill go through his body that had enough voltage to light a small city.

Ricky at first looked shocked, then smiled. "I'll be there tomorrow... I promise."

"You better you f..." Dave was going to say fat fuck but caught himself just in time. "Fink." He'd almost blown it again.

The next day Ricky was in study hall on time. Dave smiled as he saw him walking down the rows of tables.

"I made it."

"Yeah you did. Let's get started."

Over the next few sessions it became apparent to Dave that Ricky sure did have a disability. He had trouble with the simplest math processes, and story problems were completely beyond his comprehension. Dave was patient and supportive but even his steady encouragement didn't seem to affect Ricky's feeling of inferiority. The thing that irritated Dave the most wasn't that Rick had trouble with the math, but that he got so down on himself because of it.

On the other hand, during their breaks Ricky was clever, funny and had a wonderful grasp of people and their feelings. Dave was liking this guy more and more everyday. Sometimes he would just sit and listen to him and think how lucky he was to have found such a friend.

At the end of the week Dave said, "How about going out to Pete's for a pizza tonight?"

"What?"

"How... about ... going ... out ... for... a ... pizza... tonight? Is that slow enough for you?" Dave immediately regretted joking with Ricky that way.

He was about to apologize when Ricky came back with, " I... would... like... that...very... much! Capish?"

They both laughed. Friday night pizza was a huge success for both of them.

The next two Friday's the boys went out for pizza. And again they found they had a good time together. Ricky was becoming more and more animated in his conversations. Dave could see there was a wonderful mind behind the feelings of low self-esteem that had been engendered by the combination of his learning disabilities and social abuse he had received.

By their tutoring session on the third Friday of the school term, Ricky was slowly beginning to see some logic to math. Dave was feeling proud of his student. He was also feeling other things that he wasn't sure that he understood.

When the bell rang Ricky stood and started putting his stuff away. "Hey, see you at Pete's about seven? How about trying anchovies this time?"

"Oh, no, I forgot to tell you. Man, I'm sorry. I'm goin' to the home game tonight with the gang."

Ricky's face fell. "Oh, yeah... well... okay. Um ... have a good time. I'll see ..." He never finished the sentence. He turned and walked away.

"Shit!" Dave said.

"Ricky, wait. Why don't you come, too? I mean with me and the gang."

"No, I just ... no. I can't"

"Yes you can you fuck! I want you to come. Please come. Or do you want me to kick your fat ass from here to..."

Ricky turned to Dave. Dave could see the anguish in his friend's eyes. He could also see tears. "You mean it?"

"Of course I do. I wouldn't have asked you if I didn't. Please?"

Dave knew this was a decision that was causing Ricky almost more pain than just walking away disappointed. He was about to say 'screw the gang and the game' when Ricky said, "Okay."

"Great!" exclaimed Dave, " meet you at gate six about seven." He gave his buddy a headlock and they walked out of the study hall.

Dave, Ralph, Doug and the rest of the crowd were standing at gate six shortly before seven. "Let's go in," Ralph said.

"Just wait a minute," Dave replied. "I'm waiting for someone."

"Who?" Doug asked.

At that moment Ricky rounded the corner and walked toward the group. He was obviously nervous.

"Well, well, what have we here," snarled Doug. "I think I smell Bolleggio stench. Whatsa madda you piss in your panties?" Everyone laughed.

Dave went pale.

Ricky stopped in his tracks.

Ralph added, "Wanna watch the big strong football players in their tight pants, faggot?" He laughed and everyone joined him again.

Ricky looked imploringly at Dave.

Dave stood as if frozen. He couldn't speak, couldn't move.

This isn't who you were waiting for was it, Felder?" Ralph asked sarcastically.

Dave opened his mouth to speak. Nothing came out. Then as if he was under the control of some power outside himself he shook his head.

"Didn't think so," Doug laughed. "You aren't gonna hang out with something so sub human. You're too smart for that."

The crowd turned to the gate. Dave followed, his head swirling. He turned and looked over his shoulder to see Ricky's form retreating into the darkness away from the stadium lights.

Dave kept walking as if in a trance. Inside him he was in turmoil. He was being torn in two. He could hear the sounds of the stadium. He could see the smirks on the faces of his 'friends.' Then, something inside of Dave reared its head. "NO!" he yelled.

"What?" Ralph looked at him.

"No," he said more quietly. "If and when you are ready to grow up and accept my friends as you accept me, I'll be back. Otherwise go fuck yourself!"

Dave tore out of the stadium in the direction he had seen Ricky go.

"Hey," the gatekeeper yelled, " you need a hand stamp to get back in." Dave kept running. "Suit yourself, kid."

Frantically, he wandered the streets around the stadium. Finally there on a bus stop bench he saw him.

"Ricky."

Ricky looked up, stifled a sob and looked back down. The bus was coming along the street. Dave ran toward the figure now standing waiting to board the bus.

"Ricky, please. Wait!"

Ricky didn't stop. He was mounting the steps.

"Ricky I love you!"

Ricky froze. He slowly turned to look at the now crying Dave.

"Well, on or off, kid," the bus driver growled.

"Off." Ricky stepped back from the bus. It pulled away into the darkness.

Dave walked forward. They stood looking at each other. Then he took Ricky's hands into his.

"I don't understand what's going on here," he said. "But, I know that I have never felt for anyone what I feel for you."

Then he pulled Ricky back into the shadows of the storefront entryway behind the bus stop.

"You said you loved me."

Dave took a deep breath. "Yes, I love you,"

"You love fat, damaged, stupid me?"

Dave smiled through his tears. " I love fat, damaged, stupid you."

"Now who's the psycho?" Ricky responded through his own tears.

Dave laughed as he pulled Ricky forward into a full body embrace, and awkwardly shared his first kiss on those beautiful full lips.

Ricky returned the kiss.

"Pizza or football?"

"Fuck the football... Pizza."

They kissed once more. Then, arms around each other's waists, they walked toward town laughing and talking about nothing and everything. They both knew when they got to the well-lighted main street, they would have to drop their arms, but for right now it seemed so right. Neither knew for sure where this would lead or how it would end up. But, for right now... this was good. This was the way it should have been. The End.