Rip Tide

Rip Tide chapter 12: The morning after

Disclaimer: This story is a work of fiction. It depicts a romance between two consenting adult males and may contain some descriptions of sexual act between two consenting adult males. If you are not of legal age to read this kind of story, please leave now. If you reside in area where reading stories that include sexual situations between two consenting adult males are illegal, please leave now. This story is for entertainment purposes only. Any similarity to any person(s) living or dead is simply a coincidence. The author retains all rights to this story. It cannot be reproduced in any form without expressed written permission from the author (me). Please contact the author for any requests at raspucin70@yahoo.com. Copyright 2007

(Matt's point of view)

The room was quiet. It was so strange that I laid quietly for couple moments, thinking about it. The dorm was never quiet. There was always some noise: people walking by our room, talking too loud on their cell phones or with each others, or running being late for classes. This was too quiet. Even Steve would make some commotion, trying to be gentle in the morning knowing how light of a sleeper I am. I opened my eyes.

The window was on the side of the room, instead above my head. Vaulted ceiling. The absence of my desk, next to my bed. This is not my room! I lay still for couple moments, trying to figure this out. This must be the room that I was going to rent from Ms....whatshernameagain? I spoke with so many people recently that I couldn't remember the name of the lady that I spoke with yesterday. That piece of information didn't bother me at this moment at all. I stretched myself in quiet pleasure, savoring my little victory. Finally, a good night's sleep! This is what I was craving in the past few months. With arms underneath my head, I was looking at the ceiling, enjoying the quietness. I could remember that I had a dream doing something with Nicky, but with not many details to remember: except him smiling at me...and holding my hands, looking intensely at me with those dark eyes of his. A smile broke to my lips. Not the first time I dreamed about Hayden.

With that, more recollections started coming to me. Why did my legs hurt like I just ran a mile? I couldn't figure that one out. I lazily rubbed my eyes with the sleeve of blue t-shirt I was wearing, trying to get last bits of sleep out of them.

Wait a minute...I don't own a blue, long-sleeved t-shirt with Nike logo on it. I looked at it, in confusion. Then I looked around me more carefully. This is the room that I rented last night? How come I don't remember more details then? Actually...I don't remember any details about it. There was a stack of magazines on the floor next to the door. A walk in closet on my right. And a snowboard, leaning next to a bookshelf on the left side. All of this was totally new to me. I propped myself in the bed, looking around, and getting more and more baffled. On the wall next to me was a big poster of a race bike, propped on its rear wheel while rider was waving to the crowd.

A race bike.

Like a hurricane, pieces of last night events started to hit me from left and right, pummeling my brain like it was a boxer's punching bag.

I am not in some room that I rented last night. I'm in Hayden's place! I am here because he picked me last night when my car broke down.

Details about last night started to emerge, crowding my brain with images that were surfacing too fast for me to process them. Before I managed to put it all together, bits and pieces of last night flashed in my mind.

Hayden, sitting with me on the couch. Hayden taking wet clothes off me in the storm. Hayden talking to me, with concern in his dark eyes. Me going upstairs to bed.

Then I felt a chill gripping me, just like last night. The thought was so unreal, that I wasn't sure did it happen or not. I sat in the bed in a sudden flare of anxiety.

Did Hayden...sleep in the same bed with me? My mind was racing, and my eyes were darting back and forward across the room. It can't be. That would mean that...

I looked at the side of the bed next to me. The covers next to me were moved, in distinctive way as someone had pushed them aside to get up. I stared at the bare spot in the bed, realizing that nothing from last night was product of my imagination.

Oh shit.

I fell back into bed in confusion. In a split second, the whole of last night came together. My decision to walk to find help, the violent storm that came down hard on the forest, the freezing rain that coupled with flailing wind sucked all the warmth from me, and long black Cadillac that pulled along side me when I thought that I was done for. I remembered the drive, the feeling of safety and shelter that I had while riding in Hayden's car. Then a hot shower and warm soup at his place, that felt so warm and cozy after all the coldness and rain that I have been through. Then the dream of drowning, and being awakened by Hayden shouting my name. And then...

I buried my face in my hands. I couldn't believe what must have happened. Details emerged from fogginess of my brain, still appearing muddled as it was still a dream. I grabbed his hand, in that delirious moment of just being awake from my nightmare, when all my inhibitions were gone. In that moment, all I wanted was him by my side, and no conscious thoughts was attempted from my part whatsoever to even think through any consequences.

What have I done!

I made...I made him sleep with me. Just like I was a three year old who was crying for his mommy in the middle of the night. I slid my hands through my hair in an uneasiness that was running through me. I still couldn't believe what I did. Shit. A grown man asking another grown man to hold his hand during the thunderstorm. And of course, Hayden was not the kind of a person to deny my cry for help. No. He complied, knowing how much I needed him at that moment, and slid next to me. I distinctively remembered how warm his whole body was next to mine, and how the awareness of his presence next to me brought peace into me. And...and he...hugged me. At that time I wasn't even thinking about how awkward that would seem in the morning. Now I was cringing inside as I remembered everything.

A small cry escaped my lips. This was way beyond embarrassing. This was horrifying. And there no way in hell I can fix the damage that I have done.

Possibilities were coursing through my head. No doubt that I can safely say that my friendship with Hayden is over. I am lucky that he hasn't thrown me out already. By now he is probably suspecting that I'm gay as well. Nice, real nice, Matthew. You have done it this time for real. This is by far the biggest fuck up that you have ever made in your life. Single-handedly I managed to destroy everything that was done by Hayden and me in the past couple months. Well, mostly by Hayden, that is. My work was mostly destructive anyways. If we have something that was shaping up to be a friendship, now it was gone - and all thanks to me, and that bonehead move that I pulled. I let another moan of despair.

I sat in up the bed, still not sure what to do next. Try to sneak out? That sounded so good at this moment! Maybe just call him later to apologize, or even better, send him a letter or email. Whatever will be better than trying to explain this behavior and ask for forgiveness. I just wanted to disappear. A minute ago this was such a pleasant place, and now I was feeling trapped.

I looked around: There was a pair of sweatpants and socks next to the bed; neither of them was mine. I got out of the bed and put them on, quietly as possible. Right now I was willing to sacrifice finding my clothes in order to get out of here. I couldn't locate my sneakers, or for that matter, any shoes that I could wear. Maybe I could find some downstairs.

With that, I got out of the room. Just as I got into the hall, my body reminded me that I need to make a pit stop. To my left was a bathroom, so I took care of business. As I exited the bathroom, I become aware of the smell that was coming from downstairs. You can recognize that smell anywhere in the world - it was the smell of fresh toast. I cursed in my head; that blew away my plan of hushed departure. That means that Hayden is downstairs, and I will have to face him. Instead of a cowardly escape that would give me a chance to get my thoughts together for the best explanation, now I'll have to get through this right now. I felt like teenager again, coming down from my room to be scolded by my parents for some mischief that I have done.

Descending the stairs, I tried to come up with some sort of explanation for last night. Or at least a neutral initial subject. My brain was drawing blanks - all I could think of was how he probably thinks of me with disgust and repulsion, as a freak and oddball. Walking down the corridor towards the kitchen, my legs felt like they were made of lead. I got almost into the kitchen doorway, but I couldn't make one more step. My heart was beating so hard that I could feel it in my throat. The kitchen was looking just like the last time I was here: a simple furnished, and yet well-organized and stylish space. Just like rest of the house. Just like Hayden.

He was in there, with his back to me. Despite all my distress, I had to admire his figure as he was waiting for the toast to be done, leaning with one hand on the counter and letting the other one relaxed next to his body. I couldn't tear my sight from curvature of his back, and broad shoulders that were tilted in such a manner that they were only emphasizing muscularity of his backside. I admit that I riveted, sinfully, my gaze on his ass, which was looking so round and firm under his sleep pants while he was standing there.

Suddenly, he turned around his head and looked straight at me over his shoulder. I literary jumped from the wall that I was leaning on. How on earth did he know that I was there? My mouth became dry as if I have chewed on paper, while I felt a cold sweat running down my back.

"'Morning," he said, and then turned back again to the toaster in front of him.

"Gg-ood morning," I replied. Was that really my voice? It sounded like my I was talking over sand paper in my throat.

"You're just in time for breakfast," he continued, not turning around.

I didn't reply. I couldn't. That was the "neutral initial subject" that I was trying so hard to come up with coming down stairs. I could feel that my palms were getting sweaty as well.

In the silence that was dominating the kitchen, the sound of the toaster ejecting the toast seemed like gun blast. It startled me, but I still couldn't move or speak.

Looking casual as usual, Hayden placed toast on the plate and turned around.

"Well, are you gonna come in or you are going to stand there forever?"

I moved like robot. He sat down at the table, leaving me other chair to sit on. Only then it dawned on me that table is already set for breakfast for two people. There were couple plates of scrambled eggs with ham and cheese on the side, a plate of fresh toast with some yummy looking jam and butter, and two glasses of orange juice. I was just looking at this feast, not knowing what to think about it. My apprehension had erased all appetite from my body. I sat down quietly, not knowing how to act. Hayden got up again and went to the coffee maker, a shiny piece of chromed industrial art that was sitting next to the toaster on the counter.

"Do you drink coffee?" he asked, pouring himself a cup.

Well Matt, you are going to have to answer to this man sooner or later.

"Yes...I do." I replied, timidly. Right now, last thing on my mind was coffee and eating. All I wanted was for Hayden to yell at me, to finally tell me in my face all that he thinks about me, and to say that he never wants to have anything to do with me again.

"Cream? Sugar?" he continued to ask me questions that felt like daggers.

"Yes, please." I replied automatically. He fixed two cups and placing one in front of me, the other on his side, he sat down, grabbed his fork and dug into his food. I watched, as hypnotized somewhere above my plate. Not even half a minute later, I saw his fork stopping in mid air.

"You are not eating."

"I'm not...really hungry." I replied. I was still waiting for lashing that was coming.

The silence felt like heavy blanket. I could feel his gaze. Slowly, I looked at him.

There was nothing in his eyes that would even remotely resemble anger or resentment. Only thing that I saw in his eyes was...worry. I couldn't stand that look, so I lowered my eyes and stared back at the wood grain of the kitchen table.

"What..."- he hesitated. " What's wrong?"

Everything. Everything is wrong. I fucked up the only good thing that I had in months. I messed up something beautiful that I had in my life, and it serves me right. Now I will have to walk away from it. That's what's wrong.

"I..." it was hard to speak over the lump in my throat. "I wanted to say...that I'm sorry for...last night." I croaked.

He sighed, but it was more of surprised inhale.

"Wow, where'd that come from all of the sudden?"

I looked at him. He looked genuinely surprised, holding his back straight and looking me, his eyes wide open.

Something is not right here. This doesn't fit in reaction that I was expecting and embracing myself for. My stuttering became even worse.

"Did you...aren't you...mad at me?"

His eyes went wide: "Good God, what for?"

"For...the stuff from last night. I...don't know what came over me to...to grab you like that." I managed to finish, still looking at my plate.

There was a distinctive pause that made my heartbeats sound like thunder in my chest. Then I heard a soft clatter. Hayden has placed his fork on his plate and I could feel that he was moving...he was moving towards me. It was just a corner of my eye that caught that movement, but I still cringed, bracing for...I didn't even know why I felt the need to brace for anything. The only thing that I felt was Hayden's hand very gently touching my shoulder.

"Matt, look at me."

I slowly lifted my eyes. For some reason, I was already starting to feel much better. This gentle touch did not correlate to any bad stuff what I thought was coming.

"You had a nightmare. It could happen to anybody. I really don't understand why you're beating yourself up over little things like that. You have been through a lot last night, and I don't see any reason for feeling so guilty over that now." His voice was calm and reassuring, bringing that familiar sensation of vibrations in my chest.

"But...I made you sleep next..." I couldn't finish; my cheeks were burning in embarrassment.

"So?"

The tone of his voice was very casual, but I still couldn't respond to him. He continued on his own.

"Dude...you are too much! What, you don't think I ever slept in the same bed with a guy before? I cannot count the number of times when I wake up after getting wasted, with some guy hugging me, while another one is drooling on the other side! It is not that big of a deal, I'm telling you." He finished and sat back in his chair.

"Yeah but this is...different." I still could look straight at him. Instead I was just stealing glances, which was progress compared to staring at the kitchen table.

He grabbed his fork and looked me sternly.

"I will not let you do this to yourself. You are overanalyzing something that was not that important. Now eat." With that, he started with his breakfast again.

I was just looking at him. He was right. I am beating myself up over this. But he was not right regarding that this was not a big deal. It was...to me. Still, as so many times before, he managed to rationalize stuff in the way that made things much better. And yet, I was not convinced. He might think that this was simple issue, but I knew better.

The cramping in my stomach remanded me that I was actually starving. I picked up my fork and started to eat. Even though the food was simple, it was tasty, and soon I found myself munching with pleasure on buttered toast and jam. But when I took a sip of coffee, I choked. The coffee was so strong that it almost made me cough. Hayden glanced at me with guilt on his face.

"Sorry...I forgot that most people don't drink sludge like I do."

"Y..yeah..its..." I was still trying to speak over burning sensation in my throat. He stood up and grabbed my cup, dumped half of the coffee and filled with rest with milk.

"Here...try it now."

I tried it carefully. The bitter taste was still there, but now it was tolerable. He sat back down and we finished our breakfast, and then I helped him clean up. In a strange way, it made me calmer. My nervousness toned down significantly, or at least to the point that I wasn't afraid that I'd drop a plate or something because my hands are shaking. It was the whole feeling of calmness and serenity that was taking over. I guess it had something to do with simple task of putting the breakfast dishes away, something that you don't do with a stranger, but only with family or with someone you know very well. That was the feeling that I had in that moment, but it had a twist to it. And I knew what it was.

You don't have breakfast with a member of your family that you just spend the night with cuddled in the same bed.

You do that with...your lover.

My cheeks started to burn with embarrassment once again. I couldn't believe that I had such thoughts...again. It didn't help one bit that even in this laid-back situation I was still painfully aware of his presence. He was wearing a plain white tee, and yet that was just accentuating his masculinity. I was stealing glances at his muscular arms, captivated with his smooth skin and veins that were running underneath. In one moment our arms almost brushed together as we were cleaning the table. My skin instantly felt like it got charged with electricity as goose bumps took over. Then I felt familiar twitch in my pants... Get your mind out of the gutter, Matt!

As I was placing dishes on the counter, I found a piece of paper, which was addressed to me. Surprised, I showed it to Hayden.

"Um...this was for me?"

He glanced over: "Yeah, I went out this morning and I didn't wanted for you to wake up in the empty house with no explanation; plus I didn't know if you had to go somewhere, so I left you a note with Caddy keys."

"You...already went out?"

"Yeah, to the gym. I just got back minutes before you got up."

"And you left me your car? Wow." I was stunned. Not just because of the gesture and trust that he had in me, but also for amount of consideration that always seemed to amaze me.

We sat back down at the table with our cups in front of us.

"So, what do you want to do today?" Hayden asked.

"Dunno...I guess I need to call a cab...and then a tow truck when I get back to the dorm...and then find a mechanic, I guess." I replied, sipping my now mocha latte.

Hayden remained silent for a second, and then he said: "I have better idea. Why don't we bring your car here, and I can take a look at it and go from there," he suggested.

"No, no, I'll be fine. I just need to get back and then I'll figure stuff out." I was still trying halfheartedly to get out of his house as soon as possible.

"You don't give up, do you? God help me with you!" he exclaimed, shaking his head in mock disbelief.

I still didn't want to give up, but his suggestion seemed to make sense. At the dorm I had no means to fix my car. I had to find a tow truck, then a mechanic, then to call my parents for the repair money. It sounded complicated and troublesome. And I didn't want to leave Hayden's place. Right now, I felt calm. We were sitting in his kitchen, with sun coming through the window and warming up the whole space and making every detail bright and pleasant. I realized that it wasn't just the Hayden's presence that was so inviting. It was the comfortable hominess that this place was exuding, and that was precisely what I had been craving for the past several weeks. There were no noisy people running down the corridor, talking loud as they pass my dorm room. There was no feeling of boot-camp style breakfast that you eat over your work desk, unwrapping some old sandwich that you saved from last night and drinking juice or water straight from the bottle. There was no stale odor of your roommate's clothes piled up in his hamper.

No, I don't want to leave.

Still, my brain was searching for excuses to leave, rationalizing far more than I wanted to.

"Yeah, but...at the dorm...I have all my stuff...and I'll be on campus for classes on Monday," I still stubbornly tried, but without any conviction in my voice.

Hayden smirked. He was obviously enjoying my futile attempts to defy his logic. " Hey, whatever you want to do, man...I won't twist your arm," he finished, looking at me over the edge of his coffee cup.

To say that he was looking at me seductively would be an understatement. His dark eyes started a heat wave in my head. I shoulda look away, but I couldn't. It lasted for just a moment, while he took that sip and placed the cup back on the table, but that was enough. I become a speechless, stuttering idiot once again. And I realized that now I'm staring back at him, unable to talk. He gave me another long look, waiting for my response.

"I...don't want... I cannot let you do that...it's already too much..." Again, I couldn't get my mouth to work. I diverted my eyes, looking at my clasped hands in order to get my brain to focus better, and finally I managed to find the words to respond to him properly.

"I am already feeling that I owe you so much...and I feel like I'm constant burden to you. Like every time you see me, I need some help like I'm an invalid or something. And I'm not! I can...or at least I thought that I can take care of myself. This is getting...frustrating" I finished and looked back at him. To my surprise, he looked perplexed. He remained silent for a moment, biting his lip, looking like someone who is having internal debate. Finally he released his lip with a sigh.

"Matt, you are confusing me. I already told you...I don't look at my friendships like that...and I know that you feel obligated to me, but I'm telling you - there's no reason for it! I don't do anything unless I want to; there is no 'debt' in my book. I help whomever I can help and its worthy of my time - and you belong in that circle. I don't expect any favors in return. And I don't know why you are so reluctant to accept it."

I could only stare at him, unable to respond. I realized that it was bothering him by me being so difficult. And yet, I felt...ashamed. He was getting upset over this, and I didn't know how to respond.

"Ok." I replied, after a brief pause. I was still feeling guilty.

He looked at me, cocking his head like he was trying to take a better look on something. I looked back at him in query.

"Where is the smile?" he asked, being mockingly serious.

My lips broke up with a grin. And it was the one that comes from deep in you, accompanied with a chuckle. In an instant, relief washed away anxiety that I was feeling. Now I could see that he was smiling back. God, how I loved the way his cheeks would wrinkle, revealing his white teeth!

"That's much better," he smiled back at me. "Now let's go get your car," he said, standing up. I remained in my chair for one more moment, with my head leaned against the wall behind me, looking through the window outside. It was shaping up to be a beautiful day.

(Hayden's point of view)

The tow truck finally arrived. Matt and I were sitting in my car for almost an hour after I placed a call. Apparently Matt was not the only one who had problems last night; due to heavy rain, there was more accidents and stranded motorists than usual. I gave driver directions how to get to my place as he was loading Matt's green Saturn onto the truck's bed, and we started to drive back. The forest road was still wet from rain last night so I choose to drive slowly. Matt was sitting in the passenger seat, looking around.

"It's very nice out here. But how come there is no more traffic? We hardly saw a couple cars passed in past hour," he asked.

"Because this is about three miles longer to get back to the town; highway is much quicker and safer," I replied.

"Oh, okay. So how come you choose to go back this way last night?" he turned to me.

"There was an accident on highway, so I decided to go this way. And besides that, I often preferred to go this way versus the boring highway," I finished, glancing at him occasionally.

It was strange feeling that I was having with him in my car again, on the same road, but this time was completely different. This time I didn't have to worry about him; he wasn't looking like ghost that materialized inside of my car. Last night seemed so surreal at the time.

Now, in the daylight, events from yesterday were fading into a blur, yet this morning unfolded even more odd and confusing. I realized that I have consciously suppressed thoughts about those old events for all this time. It was almost a defense mechanism. I refused to call it 'shoved under the carpet', but in essence that is exactly what it was. I knew why I was refusing to deal with it right now. With Matt next to me, the chances of me screwing something up are far greater. And I knew myself well enough that I could tell that something like that would happen. Precisely, it already did.

I hugged him last night.

Then I got into bed with him, embracing him again.

And this morning I found myself gently stroking his hair, even before I knew I was awake. It wasn't even a full touch; it was more a small movement of my wrist, making his hair glide against palm of my hand. It took me several seconds to become aware of my surroundings and what I was doing. Silently, I drew my hand back and remained motionless, listening to his soft breathing. Questions were running trough my head.

Now what.

The thought of staying in bed with Mat and wait for him to wake up was frightening. I realized that I was scared to admit to myself that revelation from last night was overwhelming. I wanted to stay next to him. I wanted to feel his body next to mine, just like last night. And at the same time, I was sure that if Matt woke up and found me sprawled next to him, he would feel uncomfortable.

Plus, I was sporting another hard-on.

As quietly as I could, I got out of bed and walked out of room. Just before I was about to close the door, I looked back. Matt was still sound asleep, curled on his right side with one arm underneath the pillow. I couldn't tear my eyes from him. He looked so peaceful, so beautiful. My eyes were caressing the refined features of his nose and jaw line, tracing down to his lips. I didn't want to close the door and leave that site. I wanted to go back to bed and feel him next to me again. Then I realized that I'm standing in the doorway looking at him, with my cock obscenely tenting my underwear. Ashamed at myself, I closed the door. Only thing I need is for him to wake up and see me watching him with a hard-on.

I went to the kitchen, musing over something. On Saturdays I usually go to the gym; I was tossing the idea of staying or going. If I go, I won't be back until 10 or so; Matt might be awake by then, wondering where I am. I glanced at the clock: almost 7 am. I decided to go. I hated to change my routine, and this would be a prefect excuse. I jotted down a quick note for him and left it on the kitchen table.

When I came back, few hours later, the house was still as quiet as it was when I left. For the moment I was afraid that he did wake up and decided to leave without saying goodbye, but nothing in the kitchen has been moved, so I concluded that he was still asleep. I started to make a breakfast for me, when I heard door close upstairs. Well, I guess I should set table for two, then.

As I was pulling another set of dishes out, the thought ran trough my head that it has been a while since I have done something like this - preparing the breakfast for someone who had spent the night. Strangely, as much as I wanted to remain single at this time, this morning I didn't have that feeling of bothersome presence of another person in my house. I mused over that for a second. So, Matt's presence is not a problem then. Now this was getting confusing. Without a chance to think that one over, I caught a movement behind me in the shiny surface of the coffee maker; I turned around, still feeling a bit startled even though my brain was telling him that could only be Matt.

It was Matt, leaning on the wall, but he looked...strange. His hair was disheveled, but it was his eyes that were telling me that something was going on. I turned away, not wanting to stare. The butterflies in my stomach were starting to churn. And a minute later, when I turned around with his portion of toast on the plate, he was still standing n the doorway, looking...confused. I tried to make a joke inviting him to the table, but he didn't respond. I was cringing inside.

We sat down and started to eat. More accurately, I started to eat; he was just staring at his plate. Something is wrong here. And then out of the blue he broke into stuttered apology about last night, revealing the source of his anxiety.

So he is uncomfortable just as I am, possibly even more, but from a whole different angle. Apparently he took the whole "sleep-together" issue very seriously, and he was obviously embarrassed. I was wondering that maybe he is not that comfortable around other people. I was never a touchy-feely kind a guy myself: hugs and holding hands in the sunset was never my deal.

And yet, I did spend the night with him in my arms, without feeling cramped or claustrophobic. But at the same time, I realized that Matt must be battling with the same problem in his head. Not everyone would be at ease after spending the night in bed with another guy. I decided to ease his anxiety and turn the whole issue on the lighter note, which I believe worked, since he had visibly relaxed in matter of minutes. That made me feel better, too, but I was still confused about ambiguity of my own personality. So he is not okay with another guy sleeping next to him. How come I am, all of the sudden?

And then I remembered one more thing. I lied to him. It was an innocent little white lie, about me being wasted and waking up next to another guy. It was intended to ease his nervousness, which worked, but the fact that I lied to him remained. And I started to feel really shitty about it. Part of it was true; on numerous occasions in my past something like that would occur, but the way I described it was not the way it usually happened. It never involved sleeping in an actual bed; more likely whole bunch of us would wake up in a pile on the beach or on the floor of some house, depending which location we were for the final binging. I hate lying; sooner or later you start doing it more and more frequently, until it becomes a part of you. I know it, because I was no stranger to it several years ago.

And it started to emerge again. And I hated it.

Before I could decide what I should do about it, I realized that we were already pulling up in front of my house. I spend the whole trip back home musing over that morning, totally neglecting Matt who was sitting next to me.

"I'm sorry man, didn't mean to ignore you." I apologized to him.

"Oh, its fine; I was listening to music - and I didn't want to distract you while you're driving," he replied.

I shot him a smile and got out of the car. The tow truck was just coming down the street. Soon we had the Saturn in the garage, and I went into the house to change. When I got back, Matt was on his phone, talking to someone about his car. I assumed that he was talking to his parents, so I returned to the house. None of my business to eves drops on his conversation, but I still heard him saying:

"Mom, it's the same guy who helped me with Biology...he is not just some stranger that picked me up. Yes, he goes to my school-"

I went to living room. I wish that I didn't hear that conversation. I guess it was perfectly normal for a parent to ask those questions, but it still worried in me. Now his parents might think that I was some predator or something like that, who is using Matt's misfortune to lure him into my house. Well, not much I can do about that. Moment later, I heard garage door open, and Matt tentatively calling me.

"Um, Nicky? My mom wants to talk to you," he said, giving me his phone. Oh well, here we go.

"Hello?" I said.

"Hello Hayden, this is Donna, Mattie's mom. I just want to say that we really appreciate you helping him. It is awfully nice of you, and I wish that there is something that we could do to help from our side. His dad is at work now, but we will cover any expense and your time, you just let us know. Please, don't hesitate to call us on that." She finished.

"M'am, there is no need for that...I still don't know if I'll be able to figure what's wrong with his car. He still might need a real mechanic to take a look." I replied.

"Hayden, you do whatever you find necessary, and we'll cover the rest. I am so glad that he has someone to look out for him. I wish that I known you earlier, I would send you guys some homemade cookies or something like that. But I guess since I'm talking to you now for the first time, we will have to follow-up on that later." She laughed in the phone. I begin to like her from the get-go. She sounded non-complicated. Then it dawned on me: that was not the first time for me to talk to Matt's mom. I answered his phone when I picked it up by mistake at the beginning of the semester. I decided not to disclose that detail; that would go too perfectly in the whole idea about me as a stalker.

"Ah, that can always be arranged. Let's just see where we are with Matt's car, and we can figure the rest later." We exchanged couple more pleasantries, then I returned the phone to Matt so he could finish the conversation.

"My mom thinks that you are the bomb," he said, with smirk.

"Well, let's just wait and see. I still don't know what is wrong here, so let's not celebrate yet." I replied to him, and then I proceeded to examine his car.

The next couple hours went by quickly, while I was trying to figure out what was wrong. Matt was looking around, being careful not to touch anything. He looked more like a visitor in a museum, with his hand stuffed deep into his pockets. I was glancing at him, talking to him as I was working and answering his questions. It turned that we have more and more in common: we both touched the same favorite movies, and he really liked my choice of music that was playing on the garage stereo. I was glad that he wasn't bored, since it was clear to me that he is not too interested in the car mechanics. That was until he discovered roaming through the garage, my bike that was under the cover.

"You have a motorcycle too?" he looked at me astonished.

"Aha...it's when I want to go fast." I shot him a devilish grin. He continued to look at me across the garage, and theen he turned to the bike again.

"Can I see it?"

"Sure - just pull the cover off." I told him, diving back into Saturn's engine compartment, but I was still looking through the gap in between lifted hood and fender at him. I completely forgot what I was doing there, watching him taking very slowly cover off my bike, like he was revealing a work of art. He stood back, looking at the bike, and then he did something that did not fit his previous behavior: very gently, he reached over and touched the bike's tank, and then he started to trace lines of the fairing and body work with his fingers. I could feel my abs tightening, almost like he was touching my own body instead my bike. I realized that once again, my body was reacting to him. And again, I reacted without thinking. I left the Saturn and came close to him. He turned to me, with excitement in his eyes.

"It looks...sexy," he commented. That threw me off a little bit; girls would consider my bike "sexy"; typical guy would say "tight", "mean", "bitching" or something similar. I had to chuckle at his choice of words.

"Wow, I didn't know my bike can be that too," I continued to laugh.

"Well, I guess...and it looks really fast." He replied, still gazing over shiny plastic.

"Yes it is...and all this time I tought that you are not into cars and bikes." I chuckled again.

"I'm not! I wouldn't be able to tell you where the spark plugs are! I am totally mechanically challenged...your bike just looks...nice! I would like to see you on it sometime." He finished, looking back at me, almost asking me to sit on it. I had to smile back at him.

"Well, its little cold for a ride now. Maybe in a couple weeks or so." I replied to him and immediately an image of him and me on the bike shot through my head. Him holding onto me, leaning into me while we are blazing through the woods. I gave him another look, trying to remember the way he was looking at me at that moment. Wide eyed, his blue eyes sparkling with excitement. I was getting enchanted, again. And there was something else in his eyes. I turned away, confused.

I could swear that I could see lust in his eyes. I returned to the Saturn, still trying to figure out why my imagination is playing games with me. Matt was excited to see my bike: so how come all of the sudden I see sexual desire in his eyes? I shook my head. I need to get a grip on myself.

We continued our casual conversation, when he jumped from chair where he was sitting:

"I completely forgot: I need to call that lady that I was supposed to see about the room yesterday! What an idiot I am! She is probably wondering what has happened to me." With that he pulled out his phone and started to scroll through it. I had to smile at his hastiness. He talked to her for a little while, and then he closed his phone with relief spreading across his face.

"Phew...room is still available. She though that something happened to me," he finished.

"Well, I guess that explains what you were doing on this side of the town." I said.

"Oh, yes. I guess I do owe you explanation what a hell was I doing in the woods last night," he said, somewhat awkwardly.

"Oh, Matt - you don't have to explain or justify anything. None of my business in the first place...but I must say that I'm glad that I was there last night."

"Yeah...me too," he said, looking at me with smile.

I smiled back at him, and decided that it will be better if I get on with trying to figure out what was wrong with his car than to get into more trouble.

It was almost two in the afternoon when I finally I pulled out defective fuel pump and placed it on the workbench. Matt came closer, examining the greasy part.

"That looks complicated. What the hell is this thing?"

"It's the fuel pump. I hope that is what's wrong with your car," I replied, wiping my grimy hands. "Now let's try to see if we can find a new one."

We jumped into my car and soon we were back on the road, on the way to one of parts store. The clerk recognized me, and he was little taken aback with my request for a Saturn part.

"Wow, I thought you were Cadillac man," he smirked at me. I knew that soon there would be some snooty remark coming from him, so I hurried to pay and to get out of there. I knew that Matt would get embarrassed with usual punting that I would exchange with store clerk. The clerk had a Honda, so the usual jokes about slow-poke imports were part of our normal routine, but I wasn't in the mood for it today. Soon we were back home, and I installed the pump in the car. In matter of minutes, I had Saturn running again, to Matt's delight.

"Wow! She is back! Cool! And you fixed her! You-are-the-boss, you-are-the-boss." Matt was almost dancing around me. I just loved it! He was again the Matt that I loved to see: relaxed and full of life.

"Well, we got lucky that it was just a fuel pump. And I don't know about you, but I'm starving. I'll get something going for two of us, and if you want, you can get your car out of garage." I finished.

"Okay. Do you want me to help you with anything? I am not much of a cook, but if it has instructions for microwave, I'll be set!" he filled in. I smiled at his joke and went in to the house to clean up.

After putting a quick meal together, Matt announced that he wanted to go and check out the room. When he described how to get there, I realized that it is only several blocks away.

"Dude...that's like twenty minutes on foot from here! You don't even have to drive. It's in nice neighborhood, really quiet."

"That's what I'm hoping for...I need some sleep, so I can study." He replied.

"Yeah, right, study. Who you're kidding? You just need a place so you can start partying and corralling girls over there!" I started laughing. He joined in, but he sounded kinda hollow.

"Yeah, riiiight. Like I couldn't do that at the dorm already."

"True, true. But still, now you can be more...ahm, private with your company." I was still egging him on, but he was not responding the way I anticipated, so I stopped. "Sorry man, I didn't mean to be harsh. I know how the life in the dorm can hinder every aspect of your life. So you gonna go and check it out?"

"Yeah, as soon as I get my stuff together," he replied, looking kinda embarrassed. Only then it dawned on me that he is still wearing my sweatpants and sweatshirt, and that his clothes were still in the dryer from last night. I jumped on my feet.

"I'm sorry, I forgot your clothes. I'll be right back." I went to laundry room and grabbed his stuff from the dryer. His jeans and sweatshirt were a little wrinkled, but fine otherwise. But shoelaces on his sneakers were still torn, so I grabbed a pair off of my old sneakers from the shelf and started to unlace them, when I noticed that he is standing behind me, watching what I was doing with interest. I could see that his eyes were burning with curiosity as I was now re-lacing one of his sneakers. When I finished with that, I handed him his clothes.

"There you go - you're all set."

He was still looking at me. There was strange expression that clouded his vision, almost like sadness. I couldn't quite figure it out. It lasted only a brief moment, then he grabbed his clothes from me. "Thanks...can I use your bathroom to change?"

"Sure man - it's right down the hall."

Several minutes later, he returned. He looked different, not just because his clothes. There was determination in his appearance, like he made up his mind about something. There was a moment of awkward silence between us, and it seemed that neither of us knew what to say next. He broke the silence first.

"Well...I guess I should be on my way."

I sighed, for no reason that would be obvious to me.

"Ok...good luck with the room. Hopefully it will turn ok for you."

He nodded his head and headed towards the door. We exchanged good-byes and then he took off. I closed the door behind him. All of the sudden my house seemed deserted and empty. In an instant, I didn't want to be alone any more. The abruptness of the feeling surprised me. For years I have been working hard to achieve independency and seclusion, and now I feel lonely only seconds after Matt left.

"Wow." I actually said out loud. Moments after Matt has left my house, I was already missing him.

(Matt's point of view)

Ms. Lancing appeared from her kitchen carrying tray with cookies, and what appeared to be a teapot. I almost chuckled. In any other occasion, that would look odd, but not in here. She was in her 70-ties, and her house was orderly and neat; somehow tea with cookies on Saturday afternoon fit perfectly in the whole picture.

We chatted for almost half an hour, and I did my best to suppress my impatience. Finally, she stood up, and we walked to the other side of the house, where she had separate unit that she was renting. It was not just a room; it was more of an apartment with small kitchen, bathroom and large living room that also served as bedroom. It even had separate entrance from the side of the house. It was perfect! I instantly agreed that I will take it and we went back to finish the agreement. As I was finishing one of the excellent cookies, she warned me:

"Now Matthew, I do not want any parties here! I am too old to deal with late night visitors and loud music. If you want to have someone here it is fine, but I what I do not want to see is endless parade of girls through my house. You are good looking boy and I do know a thing or two about you college boys!" I knew that she wasn't being too serious; there was a sparkle in her eye telling me that I'm OK.

Well, there's a thing or two that you don't know about me, I though to myself.

"You won't have to worry about that, Ms. Lancing...if I needed loud parties in my life, I would stay in the dorm." I replied with a smile.

We agreed that I could move in tonight, but I decided to postpone it until Sunday, since it was getting late. With that, I left. On my way back, I called my parents; my mom was home so I told her that I finally found the room. She was relieved as much as I was, but she surprised me by being almost abrupt to ask me about Hayden.

"So...are you going to see him again?" she asked

"Mom! What are you talking about? We are...barely friends. He just happened to be there when my car broke down, that's it," I replied, with a little too much haste in my voice.

"Oh...okay. It just sounded like you two are hanging together more than that, so I assumed that there was something going on. Don't blame your poor mother for drawing conclusions."

"Well you know what they say when you 'assume'," I said, but without laughing. Somehow this conversation was starting to bother me.

"And what was the outcome with your car? Did you get it towed to mechanic?"

"No, Hayden fixed it! It was something with fuel thingymagiggy whatnot. It took him a couple hours, but he fixed it."

"Awesome! Did you give him some money for the repair?"

Only then did it dawn on me that not just the fact that Hayden paid for the part, but I didn't even offered him anything for his time. Stupid, stupid, stupid!

"Um...well..." I was seriously blushing now, even without anyone to see me.

"You did't? Matthew Hartwell! You better call him right this minute and apologize! I cannot believe that you let this guy spend all his Saturday helping YOU with YOUR car and you don't even bother to offer him anything! Do I need to call him for you?" My mom was seriously pissed at me, and she had a good reason. I was getting pissed at myself too. How could I forget?

"I...I don't know that happened...I simply forgot...I don't know why." I stuttered.

I could hear her sigh on the other end. I knew that she was angry at me.

"It must be that you had a reason," she mused for a moment, then she stabbed me with another question:

"So, is he good looking? Do you like him?"

God, will this women ever quit?

"Mom, he is someone that I met here. Yes, he helped me...a lot. Yes, I do want him as a friend. No, he doesn't know about me. No, I won't tell him, at least for now. And yes, he is straight. Got any more questions, Ms. Grand Inquisitor?" I asked, feeling a bit irritated.

"No, no, I'm fine," my mom chuckled, obviously enjoying my discomfort. "It's just the fact that you are normally clamped like shell, and now I'm hearing about this 'Hayden' guy. Can't you mother be a little concerned?"

"Yes, I guess..." I replied. I knew that she is just being worried about me. And she did hit a nerve with "clamped like shell" comment.

The highway was approaching the town, so I didn't want to be on the phone while negotiating the heavy traffic. "I'm gonna have to let you go, the traffic is getting worse here."

"Well, are you gonna answer me?" She was not going to let me off the hook that easily.

"About what?" I was trying to remember the question.

"Do you like him?" I could tell that she was smiling on the other end.

"Urgh! Goodbye, mom!" I made sure that she hears fake aggravation in my voice before I hung up. I was still upset for a bit, but then I relaxed. She is right: being shy as I am, she is probably wondering about Nicky's appearance in my life all of the sudden.

God how stupid of me to not even offer anything to him? I shook my head in disbelief. I was feeling so relaxed at his place that I completely forgot! I need to call him, as soon as I get back to the dorm.

As I was getting close to campus, I realized that living at Ms. Lancing's place is actually not far at all from campus; it took me less than 15 minutes to get here. Another plus for my choice. I started to feel very positive about the whole thing. Finally a place of my own. I couldn't wait! And on top of that, Ms. Lancing seemed like she is going to be OK as a landlord. I had to chuckle, thinking about her statement of "endless parade of girls." Well, she can rest at ease, since this boy doesn't play that game. Now, endless parade of boys, that is a different story. A sly smile came to my lips, but it faded quickly. No, I do not want a "parade of boys" coming to my place.

Only one.

I sighed. I guess life would be simpler if I was straight, but I guess I will never know. Sometimes I did wonder about that: What if? I still couldn't picture myself dating a girl.

But what about dating...Hayden? I let my imagination run wild for a little while. Two of us as a couple. Two of us, going to the movies, or dinner, or just staying at home...Okay, that's enough Matt.

...cuddled in front of the TV, under one blanket...

That's enough!

...or in the same bed, just like last night...

STOP IT! I almost had to yell at myself. This is going nowhere! I gripped the steering wheel until my knuckles turned white. God, why I must torment myself like this? What an idiot I am. Even after what I pulled at Hayden's place, I still haven't learned my lesson. I need to stay away from him. Get it once for all. I sighed, from deep within, as I was trying to exhale all of my fantasies out of my mind. You cannot have him. That is reality, so you better learn to live with it. And then, out of nowhere, something flashed back into my head.

When Hayden picked me up in the storm that night...he said something. It was so weird that it took me several moments to re-assure myself that his sentence was something that he really said.

"I wouldn't forgive myself if anything happened to you."

It took me several moments to realize that I'm not even paying attention to the highway, or that my mouth is hanging open. Again, my brain was turning into mush trying to figure out the meaning of those words. And no matter which context I placed them in, it was still a very clear message.

Hayden...cares about me.

I felt as my lungs are shrinking at the same time as the feeling of warmth filling my heart. There was no other way to interpret those words. And then other things started to bring in their share of confusion.

That whole evening, Hayden was being more than attentive to me. It didn't even settled in until now that he was being by my side the whole time, leaving me only to grab something from the kitchen or bathroom.

My eyes went wide. Holly cow, how could I forget! The moment when he came into the living room with a towel and start to dry my hair. I sunk in my seat remembering the feeling of soft warm towel and his incredible gentle hands as he was drying my hair. That was so simple, and yet so soothing that I almost fell asleep while he was doing that. I snapped back to reality when I realized that "Little Matt" was filling my jeans too rapidly. I shifted in my seat, getting more and more confused. If he cares about me...

No, I shouldn't think about that. I will send myself into another turmoil of "what ifs", and I am having difficulties getting out from the previous one. I do not need more chaos in my head. Besides, all that happened before the...um, incident. I felt my cheeks flaring up again from embarrassment. Still, I was baffled with the details of the whole picture that were started to emerge.

I got into campus parking lot, but I remained in the car, and started frantically to dial the number. I wasn't sure if Steven was in our room or not, and I needed privacy for this call. Luckily, she answered.

"Hey Matty, how's it hanging?" she was her usual cheerful self.

"Hey Mary...I need to talk to you, like right now."

"Okay..."she drawled, in her best Kansas-city-girl accent. She was good at it, but now I did not have patience for it.

"Its about you-know-whom." I pressed on.

"Oh, I knew it," she remained casual, and then she quickly turned the pace several notches up: "Don't tell me! Him and you! Seriously?" she got all excited, and I couldn't tell was she messing with me or not.

"Listen! It's nothing like that...well, sorta." I stopped, not knowing where to begin. I decided to go from last night, all of the events, including dreaded sleepover and the events from today. It took e almost twenty minutes to convey the whole story, during which Mary did not say much.

"Wow...that's quite an adventure there, kiddo," she replied, then remained silent for a while. I was anxiously waiting for her answer.

"Well, now you got me confused. If everything is the way you described to me, you are lucky to be alive, to start with. And I don't really know what to say about the whole "sleeping in the same bed" situation. You said he hugged you?"

"Aha..."

She remained silent for a moment.

"Well, either you are wrong about him being straight, or he is just one of those guys that is casual about those things. You know, hugging and touching. It is not that uncommon, you know. Football players are like that with each other all of the time. He probably has a younger brother that he treats like that all of the time and he is used to it, while you are freaking out about it. I still think you need to stay cool and not get your head stuck in the clouds." She finished.

"I am not! Believe me, in the morning I wanted to disappear from his place as fast as I could! But he insisted on helping me with the car, so...you know the rest."

"Hmm. As much as I want to say 'Stay away', my curiosity is dying to find out what the hell is actually going on over there." She remained silent, but there was something else hanging in that silence.

"So...you are telling me to...go on?"

"No, no...not at all, how could I...." She laughed." Matt, I must say that this Hayden is not fitting in the normal patterns. You got me curious about him now."

"So, you would like to see me as your Guinea pig, wouldn't you?"

She got serious all of the sudden. "No, I still have to tell you not to get close, if you can. If it was me, I might do something regarding that, but I cannot let you play with your emotions. You are a mess as is right now. No. I still say 'stay away'." she concluded.

"Ok..." I sighed, and we finished our conversation shortly after that. But as I closed the phone, I decided to be disobedient child for a change. Where is adventurous Matt from six months ago? I need to stop living in the bubble. Almost twenty-one, without any experience? That's gotta change. So what if I crash and burn with Hayden? It will be worth it. Totally. I wanted to have some story about broken heart, a story that I could tell later on to whomever I will be with later in my life. About my first real love, a crush that I had on a hot guy named Nicky in my college years. Not a fantasy like Aaron Gray. No, a real guy, who is more than a distant character from a football field.

With that, I flipped my phone open and with determination that was surprising even me, I dialed the number. I might not be prepared as of yet to tell Hayden how I feel about him, but that is not going to stop me from being with him from time to time.

End of ch 12

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