"Joe, what's it like?" Matt asked between bites of his breakfast sandwich. His appetite had returned upon Joe's arrival back at the motel.
Joe swallowed hard, "What's what like."
"Sex...sex with a guy."
Joe chocked a little on the orange juice he was sipping at that moment. He promised Matt he would be there for him to answer any questions or just talk, but they had been eating in silence for the past twenty minutes, and so the question was unexpected.
"Have you ever been with a girl?" Joe asked, almost positive the answer would be no.
Matt cast his eyes down, staring at his drink, "No, I've never been with ...with anybody", he answered, still not daring to look up.
Joe let out a loud long breath and placed his food on the small table that was doubling as the dining table. He pulled his chair closer to Matt's and cupped his chin in his hand.
"Don't be embarrassed. I want you to trust me, to feel free to ask me anything."
Matt nodded his head and began to speak again.
"I've kissed a girl once, but I didn't like it. I did it because I wanted to feel normal."
"Listen to me, you are normal. What you're feeling is normal. Don't let anyone tell you different."
"Is it normal to want...you?"
Joe rose from his chair and paced the small room. There was no easy way to answer his brother's question. He didn't want to hurt him; he didn't want to admit how much he wanted him too.
"Mattie, let's deal with being gay first, then we'll talk about the rest of it."
The look on his brother's face told him instantly it was the wrong answer. He watched tears well up in beautiful brown eyes and saw the wounded expression that washed across his face. 'You fool', Joe thought of himself, 'you tell him to trust you and you stab him in the heart the first time he does.'
Matt rose from his chair blinded by tears. He fumbled for the doorknob, trying to escape. He'd never been so humiliated in his life. 'You're an idiot. Of course it's not normal to want your brother. He must think I'm a total freak.'
"Mattie wait", Joe said, reaching for his sibling, "I didn't mean it like that."
"Please Joe... I just want to go home." Matt clutched the doorknob, leaning his head against the flimsy wooden door.
"Okay, I'll take you home. Whatever you want."
Matt went straight to his room when they arrived and refused to come out at dinner. Andy tried to cheer Matt up but got a chewed out. Claire had had enough and demanded that Matt tell her what was going on.
"Why don't you ask him. You two talk about everything. I'm sure he'll get a kick out of telling you about this afternoon", he practically shouted at his mom.
"Young man, I don't know what's going on with you, but your grounded until I see some improvement in your manners." With that she exited his room, slamming the door behind her.
Matt threw himself on his bed, burying his face in his pillow. Claire went down to the garage, where Joe had spent most of the day upon their return. She found him tinkering with an engine; he'd already finished the day before.
"You want to tell me what's going on", she demanded.
"Claire... it's complicated. He's confused and I ... I'm not his father Claire. I can't help him."
"Nobody said you were. Confused about what? Joe, what's wrong? Claire said, becoming a little bit more worried about her oldest son.
"Look, it's late. I'm tired. Can we talk about this in the morning, please." Giving her his best charming smile, Claire caved in.
"Alright. But if you know something about my son, you'd better tell me."
They both climbed the stairs, Joe going to his small room at the top of the garage and Claire entering to their apartment. Joe showered and lay in his bed, his mind replaying the afternoon's conversation with Matt. He closed his eyes and dreamt of the motel room and Matt telling him he wanted him. Only this time he told Matt the truth. He told him it wasn't something people would accept, but he didn't care. He told him he loved him. He woke with his body drenched in sweat and his boxers moist with precum. He resisted the urge to jerk off and got up, entering the kitchen of Claire's apartment to get a drink of water. The first thing he saw was Matt, sitting at the table brooding. He suddenly wished he'd taken the time to beat off. The brunette looked up at him as he entered, his eyes briefly surveying the chiseled chest and boxer clad torso with the obvious protrusion.
Matt turned red as he realized that once again he was ogling his brother. 'Half-brother', he reminded himself, as if it made a big difference. He forced his eyes to look up at his older brother and realized he was blushing too.
"I didn't know anyone else was awake", Joe whispered.
"I couldn't sleep", Matt replied, looking down at his hands, to keep from looking elsewhere.
"I just wanted a glass of water. I have water in my room but no glasses", he tried to joke.
"Oh." Matt didn't know what else to say. He wanted to leave, but was inexplicable frozen to his chair.
Joe walked to the sink, reaching up in the cabinet for a glass. He could feel the younger boys eyes on his ass and felt suddenly self-conscious. Matt stared at the two firm globes of his brother's behind as he reached for the glass and opened the tap to fill it with water. Matt's mouth was suddenly dry as well, but the growing bulge in his pajamas was preventing him from doing something about it. He closed his eyes, hoping Joe would return to his room and wishing at the same time that he wouldn't.
"You wanna watch some TV with me?" Joe asked over his shoulder.
For a brief moment, Matt was speechless. He finally managed to squeak out a yes. He followed Joe back to his room, consciously keeping his hands in front of the tent in his pajamas. Joe fumbled through some tapes under the TV stand Lou had made for him. The view of his brother bent over was more than Matt could handle. He excused himself and went into Joe's tiny bathroom to compose himself. He was rock hard and wanted desperately to jack off, but the walls were so thin in the room, he was sure Joe would hear him. He must have been in there longer than he thought, because a light tapping and Joe's worried voice through the door startled him back to reality.
"You okay buddy", Joe whispered through the door.
"Be right out", he replied, his voice a little more high pitched than he would've liked.
Matt took a deep breath and exited the bathroom. He found his brother clad in pajama bottoms lying on the bed, with the remote in his hand. Joe patted the empty space next to him and Matt walked cautiously to the side of the bed.
"What are we watching?" He tried to ask casually.
"Love! Valor! And Compassion!" Joe said, studying the younger boy carefully.
"What's it about?"
"You'll see. Now get over here." He reached for his brother pulling him on to the bed.
The opening moments of the movie told Matt a lot about the movie they were about to watch. It also got him hot as hell. The sight of two men grinding their pelvises together forced images he had tried to forget about since morning into his mind.
"I love you", he heard the voice next to him say.
Looking over, he saw brown soulful eyes staring at him. His stomach was doing back flips again, but this time, he promised himself he wouldn't faint. He moved in closer, resting his head on his brother's chest and enjoying the feel of Joe's fingers running through his hair. They watched the movie in companionable silence gently stroking and touching each other. Matt woke the next morning with his brother wrapped around him and the sound of TV static in the air.