Ronnie (Chapter 9)
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction depicting teenage males in romantic and/or sexual positions and activity. The people depicted in this story may or may not really exist (many characters may have distant ties to the memories of my past).
If you are under 18 years of age (or whatever the legal age in your area is) you must leave. If you find this material offensive, you should not be reading this story. If you choose to continue . . . you have been warned, and I trust you to make your own wise choices.
Thanks for all the email on the last chapter - by far the hardest for me to write (they never said it was going to be so difficult when I signed on this outfit). Your support and encouragement is incredible. I have reason to suspect that not all the email I sent in return was received by you - so, if you wrote to me and did not get a response - it is because it failed, not that I didn't try. If you think this is the case with a response you sent, please try again, it means a lot to me for you to know that I read each letter and ALWAYS write back.
I welcome any and all comments to the story, or for anyone who just wants a friend to talk with. Please feel free to contact me at boyzheart@hotmail.com with any comments or suggestions.
Previously . . .
When it was over he collapsed on top of me and almost immediately we passed out. Both of us were spent beyond recovery and never knew that anyone was watching as we drifted off to sleep . . .
Dad quietly tugged Mike and Nellie's elbows, pulling them from the doorway as he shut the door gently. "Leave them alone boys . . . they've been through enough, let them be. Come with me . . . we have a few things to talk about," he said as he put his enormous arms around each of their necks and escorted them down the stairs.
Chapter 9
The warmth between us as we lay together was awesome. Somehow his body was hotter than normal. For that matter so was mine. It was as if the intimacy we shared caused our entire bodies to become heaters. I don't remember being so warm and . . . well . . so loved. My mind was reveling in the sensations and feelings from the past hours, but the plaguing voices in my head were waking and started their chain rattling.
I mused to myself that they must only take power naps - I never remember them being silent for long at a time. The thought occurred that if I could just figure what it was that put them I power-nap mode - I could go there all the time and keep them permanently put down. Ahh .. that would be nice - an entire day without the clamoring and confusion so many voices brought.
"Ah Shut -up," I heard one of them say, "Ya know ya like it dweeb - so sit down and shut up!" Shit . . that's what I need, my own ego with an attitude against me - good grief!
Somehow this lunacy brought me out of blissful slumber to the nagging thought that a hundred pound weight was pressing down on me. My muscles were stiff and I needed to move, but couldn't I was pinned down. Opening my eyes and blinking the fog away, I realized just why and a smile came to my lips. I reached over with my left hand and stroked his warm sweet body. I loved the feel of the softness and tenderness of his supple skin, but at the same time you could feel the powerful muscles and strength just under that velvet blanket - so tanned . . and full of that luscious smell of him.
I traced lines from his shoulder past his pecs and rib line down to the joining of his waist and hips. Carefully I reached as far down as I could to hold his butt for a few moments before the screaming muscles in my back demanded that I shift positions.
Ever so gently I began to work my way out from under him. I hated to move, and didn't want to disturb him. Finally I was on my side and my head propped on my arm. I studied his every feature; the soft lines of his face, the beginnings of facial hair as it began to darken from peach fuzz to sexy, the sensuous lips that always seemed moist and ready for a kiss, his dark eyebrows that were the same color of his pubes. Not many would ever know this secret about him - outside of boys in the locker room - but they weren't supposed to be looking now were they? Every time from now on when I look at his eyebrows, I will think of someplace else!
His breathing was slow and rhythmic, the tranquility of sleep evident on his face. There was a slight knowing smile on his lips, a smile that said, "I know your looking at me even though I'm asleep."
As we were so intense earlier and passed out so soon afterwards, we never managed to pull the blankets up over us, so now could see all of him in his glory - I drank it all in, memorizing every detail, every freckle, every contour, every mound and crevice of his Adonis-like body. The youth of him so evident, but the power and grace of the adult he would become were stunning as I watched him sleep. All too soon I realized that I needed some bladder relief. Man .. .I didn't want to leave his side.
But alas . . .I carefully scooted off the bed with my eyes glued to him lest I wake him. After I stood I went over to Mike's bed and pulled his blanket off and brought it over to cover my angel. I just pulled it up to cover a portion of his hips and legs, leaving the rest of his body exposed. I didn't know if I was doing that to keep from rousing him, or because I wanted to stare at his nakedness more - probably the latter. I sighed rather deeply and turned to make my way to the bathroom.
I grabbed the doorknob and before opening the door, took one last glance over my shoulder to my lover. "Oh God, I love you Ronnie Webster," I said out loud as I turned the knob and pulled the door open. I took one step into the hall and nearly fainted.
There just outside the threshold of the room was Dad with his hand raised as if to knock on the now open door. Ordinarily - this is no biggie. Dad always rapped on the door with the knuckle of one finger and poked his head in slightly to let us know it was time to get up and stuff - he never just barged in. Mom, of course, never came up here, so we pretty much had our privacy - so much as two teens sharing the same room have privacy.
Ordinarily - no prob. . . but ordinarily I was not standing n the doorway naked with a woody. Ordinarily there would not be a naked sexy 14 year old boy in the same bed I just climbed out of sporting a hard-on. Ordinarily there wouldn't be the funky odor of boy-sex so pungent in the air (okay - maybe the smell of a couple of guys whacking off last night - but not THIS smell). All told - I was in big SHIT!!!!! No way I could deny my way outta this crap.
Instinctively I recoiled at Dad's raised hand, throwing my arms up in a defensive manner. Never mind that Dad had never hit me before out of anger - okay?! He had never caught his youngest son in the act (almost in the act) of being intimate with another boy before either. I couldn't help but feel that he was about to pound the living shit out of me.
As I recoiled I stumbled backwards at an alarming rate, tripping over my goddamn shoes and falling on my ass. The momentum kept me back peddling until I was clear against the back wall. By this time I was in a full state of hysteria and had my knees and arms drawn up in a feeble attempt to defend myself and was crying uncontrollably. Dad was a big, big man - truck driver type; 6'-2", 240 lbs with strong bulging muscles everywhere; but his size did not slow him down one iota. He was immediately there towering over me and reaching for me. I began swinging wildly and screaming to the very top of my lungs. I wasn't screaming anything nearly coherent - just sheer terror.
All the fears of seven years of my own known homosexuality exploded out of my subconscious like a nuclear explosion. In a single heartbeat an ugly mushroom cloud of all the hatred, the hitting, and kicks I had ever experienced came boiling over; the ugly mean stares, the whispers, and laughing; all the taunting; the voices, the confusion, the frustrations, the anxiety - all mixing and boiling together producing the most enormous emotional meltdown humanly possible.
I was wailing, and shrieking, swinging wildly at the air, tears and snot streaming down my face. It was horrible. Absolutely horrible. I thought Dad was swinging at me and I desperately tried to dodge and avoid his blows.
Ricky beating on me was one thing, Roger and Gene pulverizing me another thing- - - but this was my FATHER! He's supposed to love me and protect me.
He is supposed to make all this shit go away! One blow from this man would shatter my entire world - all that was left of the stability I was desperately hanging on to - one blow and it would crumble to pieces around me leaving me desperate and broken as well.
I could feel his powerful hands on me now, pulling, lifting, holding. "Oh God," my soul cried inside, "Why didn't you let Roger kill me? Why does it have to be Daddy????"
His strength was far more then I could overcome or resist. (It kinda felt like a target of the Borg on Star Trek: "Resistance is Futile!").
Strangely he had pulled me deep into his arms. He was no longer looming over me like a Dark Lord, but he was down here on the floor with me. I had been lifted up and onto his lap and my arms securely wrapped up in his stronger, more manly ones. He was swaying back and forth holding me like a baby and now I could feel his tears on the top of my head as his face was pressed firmly on top of my head as he rocked. I realized that I was not being beaten. I was being held . . .held . . . and rocked like a baby. Dad wasn't hitting me, he was holding me!
The screaming and yelling wasn't him . . it was me. The horror of who I am wasn't his, it was mine. All the fears of these long years of torments - finally coming to a desperate crescendo - and here he is, rocking, holding, crying, loving me.
Even with this realization I continued to cry. The struggling stopped, because it was futile, and I was exhausted; but the crying was unstoppable. I wept and cried for an eternity then. I wept for the innocent boy I was, for the confused teenager I am, for the pain of it all, the terror of being discovered - discovered and rejected. I cried for the uncertainty of the future. I really don't know how long I stayed there in his arms - but it most surely was twenty minutes - but could have been hours.
After the sobbing began to subside and the water works had ebbed to a moderate level, Dad shifted slightly to lower his face down to mine. He pulled us apart and looked into my eyes. He had piercing blue eyes - Dad did. Only at that moment did I realize that Ronnie and Dad had exactly the same color eyes - one of God's little good humor things I guess.
I saw tears and hurt in his eyes and I was confused. I was the one hurting here - what the hell did he have to hurt about - except a gay kid in his arms I mean.
"Andy," he said, his voice softer an gentler then I had ever heard it, "Why did you think I would hit you. My God son, what could possibly make you be afraid of me." Those tears I saw fell from his eyes, but he didn't blink.
"Dad!" I said almost incredulously, "Don't you get it? I'M GAY!!!" I yelled.
"And so what makes you afraid of me?" he questioned. "Have I ever hurt you?
Have I ever laughed at you, or made fun of you? Have you ever heard me ridicule anyone different from everyone else?" There was firmness and probing in his questions. He wasn't reciting some credo - this was important to him.
"Andy, listen to me and listen good. I love you - just as you are. I don't always understand you. I hardly ever completely agree with you - but I always love you. You have to trust that more than anything in the entire universe. Everyone in the world may be against you - but your mother, your brother, and I will always be on your side.
"I have known for years that you are more sensitive and different from others. I never said anything to you because this is something that you have to come to terms with yourself. Andy, it's not me that hates you - it's you that are confused about who you are. I have known since you were 13 or so that you might be gay. I have made sure your mom and I have made it easy for you and Mike to find out about yourselves in a loving and controlled home; one not filled with hate and meanness.
"You don't know the hours we have stayed awake at nights thinking, talking and praying for you. Sure, we wanted grandkids, and wanted to watch you two raise a family and pass on our heritage - but that is our dream. But your life is yours to live, and not mine. Your happiness is what I want son. Your mother has provided my happiness, her and you two boys. Now you and Mike have to concentrate on being the best you can and being true to yourself.
"If being true to yourself means admitting that you're are gay - then admit it," he stopped and was looking deep into my soul.
I was way beyond being able to trust my mouth to respond, so I just snuggled again into his arms. He sensed the need for the embrace and replaced his arms around me bear hug style and just held me.
A thought swept across my mind and I wiggled free enough to look up at him. "Daddy?" (Yes, I called him that most times and I don't really care if you like it or not - okay!)
"Yes Bud?"
"What you said about Mike . . ?"
""Shh," he said as he pressed my head back toward his chest and continued his rocking, "Shh . . .Yes. . Buddy, I know about him too."
The door creaked a bit as it opened ever so slightly and I saw three sets of eyes peering around it all stacked like raccoons in a row.
"Get out you perv's!" I said. The door bound the rest of the way open and all my favorite buds came tumbling into the room atop one another. Giggling broke out into laughter and soon all of us were swept up in the relief that only laughter can bring.
Dad pulled me up off the floor and moved me towards the bed and just as I was about to sit down Ronnie came zooming across the room and tackled me down on the bed and squeezed me really tight. Then he sat up and punched me on the shoulder - hard.
"Ouch!" I said, rubbing the welt. "What's that for?"
"For scaring the shit outta me!" he exclaimed, then remembering my Dad was still in the room and wincing from his choice of words and his ears turning right red - he added, "Don't EVER DO THAT AGAIN!"
Giggles erupted again, followed by a renewed fit of laughter. Soon the room was abuzz with a dozen different versions of the story. Finally Dad spoke up during a breathing lull.
"Okay guys, here's the drill. Now that I got you all here and we're all okay, I want to lay down a few ground rules."
Mike grabbed Nellie by the hand ad they came over to the bed and sat down. Ronnie and I shifted to make room. Once we had all settled Dad stated the pacing thing in front of us and laid out his plan. One he was on a roll like this - you just had to ride it out. This was his "God given role as a Father" drill- - we knew it well. I won't bother you with all the details - you can imagine most of what he said - but here is a sampling:
"No kissing in public or when we have company. I wouldn't let you be hanging all over a girl - I won't let you do it with a boy - got it?" Nods in agreement.
"No anal sex until your 18. Period. Got it?"
Ronnie and I just looked at each other.
He raised his hand in the all to familiar, "I don't want to know" gesture.
"Don't tell me about what you've done - I'm telling you what your gonna do - got it?"
"Yes sir!" in unison
"No late night sex stuff during school nights. I won't tell you no beating off or anything because your gonna do that - but, lights out at normal times and that means lights out - and sleep! Got it!"
"Now," He continued, "Andy has missed a lot of school and has way more to catch up on then is feasible if he is going to stay with his class. Mike you and Nellie have told me how much you have to work out between you." All four of us looked at each other with blank stares.
"Nellie, Ronnie, your mother and Wanda (my Momma) and I have talked and decided this morning how things are going to be for a while - but you have to follow our rules, or all bets are off - got it?" He waited until we each nodded in ascent, then continued.
"Mike, you are going to move in to Ronnie's room at the Webster's till the end of the school term. Ronnie you are going to move into here with Andy and stay with him and help him get better and get caught up with his school work - got it?"
We couldn't believe what we were hearing - and this was from Dad! We all jumped up from the bed and starting jumping up and down and hugging like a bunch of schoolgirls.
"Alright," he said with a huge-assed grin on his face, "Alright, calm down you bunch of ninnies! Just you remember, we are placing a lot of confidence in you - don't let us down. The first time - mind you - that we catch you breaking these rules and we go back to the other arrangements - got it?"
"Oh Yes, yes!" we all jumbled our euphoria into another round of jumping and hugging. For once small moment - everything was right in my life - perfect.
Author's note: Perfection does not happen often in life - cease it when you see it, relish it, share it, and always remember it. It is those moments and occasions that make life the thrill that it is. I have discovered that those perfect moments are never ones we manipulate or orchestrate - but are spontaneous and I believe they are Providential or Divinely granted.
That's the end of this chapter. This is a bit shorter, but it does leave us at a natural break. Thanks for hanging with me this far. Contact me at boyzheart@hotmail.com with comments, suggestions or conversation.
-Andy