Trent passed me a Chesterfield as we lay back against his headboard. I never got tired of sex with him. I never got tired of sex in general but Trent was special. We somehow always knew just what the other liked & wanted. We clicked perfectly. It was why I loved having him as my boyfriend because we just GOT each other, emotionally AND sexually. Every now & then, we'd even live out some of our most taboo fantasies. I won't say what they are but let's just say some of them could involve things around the house that you would never want to buy ever again if you knew what we did with them.
"So I barely said hi when I got here," he said. "What's up?"
"Not much."
"Yeah? We've barely hung out lately."
"Sorry," I yawned. I'd been paranoid about the cops actually giving a fuck & a half to find either Caleb or me for the cinema "incident." But then again...I was already paranoid half the time. Side effects...
"So where ya been dude?" he asked. I felt my face tighten a bit.
"Just around I guess."
"Hangin' with people?" he said.
"A bit, yeah," I replied.
"With who?"
I glanced at him as I cocked my jaw.
"Why?"
"Just wondering."
"The gang."
"Cool. Me too. How 'bout...ya know, Caleb?"
I focused on a small fly that had landed on the wall across from the foot board of Trent's bed.
"Yup, him too," I said flatly.
Trent nodded.
"Why? What's up?"
"Oh nothing..."
"Nu uh, don't pull that female shit with me. What's going on?"
Trent inhaled, I guess it was somewhat important.
"I've heard a few things going around about you messing around with other guys..." Trent played with his fingers.
I blew out a puff of creamy blue smoke. It smoothly faded into the air as I wondered what to say, the tips whipping into oblivion & streams curling around themselves.
"You been messing around behind my back?" he said firmly.
I turned to him.
"Of COURSE not. YOU'RE my boyfriend. I don't know how many times I'm gonna have to say that until it gets through that brain of yours," I said, lightly poking the front of his forehead.
"Then why are there rumors going around?"
"How the fuck should I know? I don't control what stupid shit passes through morons' heads."
"Ya know Rory, I just have this feeling that maybe we're not cut out to be together..."
I arched my eyebrows.
"Wait, what?"
"I was already jealous of you hanging out with Caleb so much...now I'm hearing rumors of you fuckin' around with other guys? I mean c'mon Rory!"
"Dude, I TOLD you, they're just rumors! Ok? I promise."
"Prove it."
"Oh don't pull that shit," I shook my head angrily.
"I'll quit when you quit," he shot back.
NOW my mood turned sour.
I jumped up from the bed & turned to him, sticking my fingers at his face.
"Ya know pal, the reason you in-fucking-trigue me was because I thought you & me were both ones to not get attached & act like a god damn cunt who cries over fucking everything. I told you I'm not cheating on you, why won't you just believe me? If I wanted to, I could start interrogating YOU as to why you're calling me a liar."
Trent stood up.
"How can you expect me to just BELIEVE you? You spend more time with that fuckin' little fag Caleb than you do with me! You literally give out every sign that you're cheating on me...you spend more time with other guys, you don't tell me what you're up to..."
"Signs? Oh my god you ARE turning into a woman!" I laughed.
Suddenly, he shoved me in the chest with his hand.
I gave him a stunned look for a moment, but then I quickly smiled & chuckled at him.
Suddenly, my cell phone rang. I took it out of my pocket & saw that it was my uncle. I quickly became afraid that I was in trouble for something. He never bothered to call me when I was with friends.
"Hello?" I said cautiously.
"Where are you?" he said very calmly but firmly.
"I'm with Trent."
"I want you to come home. I need to talk to you," he said. There was no anger in his voice. And yet, something was up.
"Yes sir."
He hung up.
I put my phone away & looked up at Trent who was still scowling at me.
I walked right up to him & leaned in.
"I gotta go. But I'll call you later ok? I promise. I think maybe once you calm down a bit, you'll start thinking straight," I smiled at him as I leaned forward kissed him gently on the lips. When I let back, I stroked his cheek & then headed out of his room, but not before spotting the fly on the wall. I quickly shot my foot out & slammed my shoe into the wall where the fly was. When I pulled my foot back, it dropped dead to the floor, pancaked.
When I closed the door though, my smile faded. And as my jaw clenched itself tightly as I thought of the most inhumane ways to kill whoever had let my secret out, I reached into my pants to adjust myself. I saw red as I walked down the hallway.
As I was driving home, I saw a person walking along the sidewalk with his head down, appearing to be on his phone. Squinting, I saw that it was Caleb. Oh god. When I was close to passing him, he looked up & saw that it was me driving by him. He gave a small wave with his hand, which I ignored. Almost as soon as I went by, my phone rang. Of course.
"Hello."
"Hey! It's Caleb! Did you see me? I think you just drove by me. I waved at you. I was wearing-"
"Yeah I saw you."
"Oh. Well, what's up?" he asked. I could hear his smile.
"My uncle wants me home. I don't know why though."
"Oh ok. Hey, so I was wondering..."
Suddenly, a yellow light that was soon to turn red DID turn & I realized that I was going far too fast to be able to stop. I slammed my foot on the gas pedal, sending my car into what felt like mach 5 speed through the ocean of traffic that was slowly starting to cross my path. Narrowly missing a minivan, I was able to maker it across the intersection, but not without an orchestra of car horns.
"...fair to you guys-"
"What?"
"Huh?"
"I missed what you were saying, someone cut me off," I said.
"Oh. Well I was saying how I'm not sure how I feel about what we did at the movies..."
"I remember how you felt. I was the one doing it, remember?"
"Rory, Trent would kill me if he knew you & I fooled around with each other."
"No he wouldn't. In fact," I added, "he knows about it."
Caleb didn't say anything at first. I suppose his lack of understanding was...understandable. How often are you told that somebody is ok with you having sexual relations with other people? Not often.
"He...he knows about it?" Caleb asked.
"Of course!" I said. "Him & I have a very open relationship. I mean you kind of know us a bit Caleb, you know that we're not into lovey-dovey stuff. So we talked about it one day & we figured hey, as long as nothing gets too serious with anybody else, we can have sex with other guys."
To be honest, even though I knew Caleb was naive, I didn't know if he would believe that. And by now, he must have known that Trent wasn't a fan of him. But Caleb didn't know WHY after all.
"But Trent doesn't like me..."
"Well," I said, "that doesn't have anything to do with the fact that you & I fooled around. He just doesn't like you as a person, it doesn't have anything to do with you & me."
"Oh." Hey, I didn't say it would be a happy excuse.
It was weird lying to Caleb. Like this anyway. I'd lied to him plenty of times, but those were for times when I would try to avoid him & not have to deal with him. This time, it was because I WANTED to see him. Don't get me wrong, I still wanted to be with Trent. He got me, I got him, we had so many similar interests & sex with him was better than it was with anybody else.
I had never been a great boyfriend...mostly because I didn't care to be a good one. I had cheated more times than I could count. Monogamy never made sense to me. True monogamy anyway. Why society had ever conditioned us to shun those who "cheat" was beyond me. And for those who fall in love, what happens if one falls OUT of love. Why are we expected to give up our own happiness to make our partner happy even if we don't want to be with them anymore? Bullshit to me. If I want to do what makes me happy, then I should have the right to and NOT feel guilty about it. And as much as I refused to feel guilty about messing around with other guys than Trent...I couldn't help but feel a twinge of guilt for putting Caleb in a dangerous situation. But not guilty enough to tell him the truth.
"I'm tellin' you Caleb, we're ok to keep seeing each other."
"Who does he see?"
"Huh?"
"Who does he see? Who does Trent see besides you?"
"Oh. Um...I dunno. He doesn't tell me. It's ok though, I don't really care to know."
"Well...all right, if you're sure he's ok with it."
"I'm sure."
"Ok..."
"All right, well if there's anything else, I have to go-" I said, with my finger on the END button, but he interrupted me.
"Actually, Rory...I wondering, uh...since he's ok with everything, I was wondering if...maybe you wanted to meet up again some time?" he asked quietly. I wondered if he was around other people.
Grinning, I answered, "Yeah, sure. SOMEHOW you got my number so gimme a text whenever."
"All right."
"Cool. I gotta go now, I'll see ya later."
"Ok. Bye Rory."
Hanging up, I sped up a bit to make it back home. I should charge.
When I walked through the door, Ray was in the living room & sitting on the couch with his glasses on & looking through some files of some sort.
"Hey, I'm here," I said.
Ray looked up at me, took his glasses off & then stood up. He went over to the phone, picked it up & handed it to me.
"There's a message for you," he said solemnly. I gave a puzzled look, took the phone & played the message. I almost gasped when I heard the voice.
'Hi Ray...hi Rory. It's me...just calling to say hi & see how everything's going. I also wanted to say that I'm heading your way! I'll be in Seattle in a few weeks. I've...I've been in rehab for the last year & I'm doing good, wanted to let you guys know. I miss you guys...hopefully I'll be around for a while this time, maybe even longer. Give me a call back. I'm not really sure what the number is this since it's another one of those pre-paid phones hahaha. Just hit re-dial or whatever I guess. Anyway...I look forward to seeing you guys. Hopefully you guys feel the same way...So I'll see you soon Rory...bye.'
I stared at the phone for a few moments before setting it down on the couch.
"There was another message just like that from earlier today."
I nodded to him.
"So what are we going to do?" I asked.
"What do you mean 'what are we going to do'? We're going to wait until then."
"I meant like, am I still sleeping in my room, giving up my bed, cleaning the house...that sort of stuff."
"Nope," he said very bluntly. "We're not trying to impress anyone right?"
"Right. Just making sure."
Ray walked off, leaving me alone to contemplate on the couch of the living room.
My mom was coming to visit.
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