hey you know already about the disclaimer. Use but don't abuse. lol. This story is about gay guys and gay love so if your not into that then don't read. This story is fiction but I guess you can relate to some parts. Thanks again to my readers who like this story. Thanks for the support. Enjoy chapter 9.
E-mail: obando@rogers.com
Roses are Red By: Monchito
Chapter 9.
That Brenda girl was totally shocked as she came up to me and looked at the bracelet that Hector gave me. I looked at her as the expression on her face told that she did not like this. She saw the three numbers on the plate and her mouth widen even more. This felt like sweet revenge as she looked at me and I looked at her with a slight smirk on my face. She nodded her head as saying no and I was nodded my head as saying yes. She looked down at the ground and then returned to me.
"You saying that Hector, my brother, likes you in that way?" she said as her face changed.
"Yeah!.....and don't think that I made him like me just to get back at you for messing with Alex!" I said as I gave her a dirty look.
"Dios mio I don't believe this! My brother is a faggot!" she said.
"Oh stop being racist. Aren't you forgetting that Alex is just like me. Face it girl....they both like me and you can't do nothing about it!" I said as I began to walk away from her. She kept looking at me while I was walking away. Just about a meter away from her I turned around to say something to her.
"But I'll tell you something. I can't have both so I'm gonna choose Alex.....happy.?"
"Good because I ain't letting you have Hector ....no way!" she said.
"Well do what you want and for your info.... it's his decision not yours." I said while I was walking away from her. " and don't fuck with Alex you heard!"
Now that Brenda knew about both Alex and Hector I'm not quite sure what she's going to do but I warned her. I walked back into school with a little fear of seeing Alex or Hector. I walked through the hallway where the office was and just before I would open the door of the office I exhaled and prepared myself.
When I walked into the office I immediately looked around. It was half empty with the receptionist sitting in front her desk looking at the computer and other people walking around or looking at bulletin boards. I looked to right to see a row of chairs where the was students sitting there doing nothing. I looked to the left to see a small hallway leading to an open space. I walked down the hallway and reached the open space. When I turned the corner I saw Alex sitting on a chair next to a door. He had his elbows resting on the arms of the chair and his head down. He had a paper towel pressed against his nose to stop the bleeding. I watched him sit there as he looked upset. I cleared my throat.
".....Alex..." I said. He heard me and look up at me. As soon as he saw me he grew a frown on his face. He looked very pissed and it seemed that It was towards me. There were a couple chairs next to him I so went up and sat right next to him.
"Are you okay?" I said.
"heh..do I fucking look okay to you?" he said as he showed me his face. He had a black eye and a few cuts on his cheek.
"Alex why did you fight him? That really wasn't necessary." I said as I put a hand on his arm.
"And what the hell is this?!" he said as he saw the bracelet. 'Oh shit' I thought to myself as I completely forgot that I still had the bracelet.
"Um...listen he just gave me this before I could even.."
"But your still fucking wearing it!" he said as he raised his voice and grabbing my arm and showing me that it was still on my wrist.
"Ow...he put it on me was I supposed to do shrug my arm away." I said as he was holding my arm very tightly becoming painful at every second.
"Yo your gripping me here let go!" I said as I shoved my arm away from his hand. All of sudden he began to cry. Tears ran down his face as he looked at me.
"Why didn't you break up with him. Don't you love me?" he said as he panted.
"Alex...I was..I really was going to but he gave me this..."
"So throw it away or give it back to him!" he said as he interrupted me. I looked at him crying and those tears made feel his pain.
"Listen...don't hate me. This is really hard for me okay!"
"BEN! I saw you okay....I saw you accept that gift and then kissed him like you two were something. I thought you loved me!" he said.
"I do love you! But he made it too hard for me..so I just accepted it but it was not because I wanted him. sigh...Alex don't do this to me."
"WHAT!!.....look what your doing to me! Don't I mean anything to you?" he said. What he said got me mad and made me remember what he did to me. I grabbed his hand and looked deep into his eyes.
"Alex listen to me I do love you. Don't forget that you fucking hurt me too but I'm still here with you."
"Well that's the past and this is now!" he said and he pulled his hand away from me.
"What!"
"Ben I can't be with you if you won't break up with him." he said. I felt strange because I had feeling in my gut telling me something was coming.
"Alex please don't talk like that. Look I'll take this off." I said as I took the bracelet off my wrist and held it in my hand.
"There ...I'll give it back to him." I said. He looked at me like he was about to tell me something. I had fear in my mind as I was scared of what he was gonna to tell me.
"Ben...I'm sorry...I can't do this anymore."
"No no...don't Alex...please don't." I said. Oh god please don't tell me what I think he's going to tell me. My heart was racing and I began to sweat. My eyes widen and then.
"Ben I can't be with you ....I'm sorry...I just can't." he said. I gasped at moment he said that. It was silent a few second but I immediately broke down in tears. Then I saw Brenda face in my mind. She was laughing and saying I told you so. I closed my eyes with tears running down my face as I touch my eye leads with my finger tips and nodding no. then I looked at him with so much anxiety. My chest began to hurt.
"ALEX....don't please don't. I love you why are you breaking up with me?" I said as I put my hands against my face covering my eyes and wet tears ran my palms and down my arms. He didn't say anything he just turned his face the other direction not looking at me.
"LOOK AT ME!!" I yelled as slapped his shoulder. He then turned to face me. He had tears falling down his cheeks and his eyes were red.
"Ben..don't make this any harder just ..I can't do this right now okay." he said.
"But why? What about that time in the rain? Was that all bullshit you said to me?!"
"No!! It wasn't! But I can't handle that fact that you could not break up with. I thought you loved me enough to do so!" he responded. I continued crying. I was crying so much I could of made a flood.
"Alex don't do this I need you...you need me!" I said.
"Ben just stop."
"I HATE YOU!!" I yelled at him and then got up and walked away. I cried my ass off while walking away. I couldn't believe this. I should of broken up with him, I should of broken up with him. My mind was going crazy. I left the hallway crying. I left the office crying. I run through the hallways crying. I didn't care if anybody saw me they didn't know what I was crying about. Lucia saw me and I saw her but I just kept running. She called me out but I just kept running.
There's two types of love. Crazy love and crazy in love. My situation with Alex and Hector was crazy love but I was crazy in love with Alex. It killed so much when he broke up with me. I couldn't believe he did that of everything I've gone through, after everything that's been said, he just let it all go. My heart was broken into so many pieces that you would have to use a broom and dust pan to pick them up. I still went to afternoon classes and believe me it felt like a century for them to pass by. I didn't see hector in my art class which was a relief because I didn't want him to see me all upset. When school ended I immediately got my stuff and got the fuck out of there. I didn't want to see anybody, I didn't want to talk with anyone, I just went straight home.
When I got to the front steps of my house I tried to fix my face so that my mother wouldn't see me sad. I put a slight smile on my face and went in. I got in closed the door and took my shoes. When I put my shoes with rest of the other I heard my mother say hi to me which made me jump. I looked up at her.
"How was you day?" she asked. I look down for a moment and tried to find a lie that I could say.
"Um..it's was interesting heh." I said and then went straight up to my room.
When I got into my room I shut the door and then collapsed onto the floor. I instantly began to cry. I laid down on my side and with arms covering my face as this time it was for real. I cried so hard that my face completely turned red. I got up but standing on my knees I moved towards the wall and sat down against it. I put my arms on my knees and then placed my face on my arms and continued crying. I had never cried so much in my life. I purposely kept my face hidden between my legs and on my arms as I cried and cried my ass off. After a long while I got strength to look up. I looked up at the ceiling and wiped my eyes with my fingers. I closed my eyes and thought Alex. I was remembering that good times and of course what happen today. Then I looked forward and around. I looked around my room and when I looked at my bed I was remembering Hector and what we did there. That made me cry even more. I got up and walked towards my bed and very slowly I laid down on my back. I grabbed my pillow and held it against me as I cried and cried and well... cried until I couldn't anymore. I wasn't thinking that I lost Alex again but I refused to believe that he broke up with me. That night I stayed in my room and laying down on my bed feeling like shit, I cried.
The next day I woke up with a huge headache and still feeling like shit I sat up. I rubbed my temples to ease the pain. At looked at the clock to see it was 7:10 and the morning sunshine brightened up my room. I got up and grabbed my towel and went to the bathroom. When I was in the shower I stood there under the falling water motionlessly as my mind was blank. When I was done I stepped out and wrapped my towel around me. I stopped to stand in front of the mirror and stared at myself. I looked at my face and body. I looked completely depressed and my eyes looked tired from all that crying the night before. When I looked at myself and not blinking I was picturing Alex standing right behind me. I imagined him putting his arms around me and kissing me on the neck while we both looked into the mirror. I stared deeply into what I was imagining but then I blinked and he disappeared. Man was I fucked up. If you had ever experienced something like this then of course you how I felt. It was a perfect time to smoke ...no.. smoke up would of been better but I wasn't a smoker. After a minute or two I went back into my room and got ready.
When I was all done a checked my clock and it was 8:10. Shit I had only ten minutes to catch the bus. This is the shitty part of mornings. You gotta speed it up so you won't miss the bus and it takes me takes about 20 minutes to get to school on one bus. I had no time so I grabbed my bag and rushed down stairs. I saw my mother but without greeting her I grabbed something to bit from the fridge and left. I didn't want to speak to anyone I just wanted to be alone. My heart was broken and my mind completely blank. When I got in the bus I looked down as walked down the isle and found a seat right before the back door. I sat down and got comfortable. I stared off at the world through the window and escaped into my own thoughts.
When I reached school my heart began to race. Have you ever felt so nervous about even going to school. Even when your half way there your heart starts to race like you just ran around a track field for about a hundred times. I was feeling that way when I got off the bus in front of the school. I looked both ways to see people hanging around, people having cigarettes and just basically the typical things would see at a school. But when I looked at the main entrance doors I saw someone standing there but couldn't recognize who it was. The person seemed to be looking at me but I wasn't sure because I was a good distance away. So I began to walk towards that person and as I closer and closer I started to see a better look at who it was. When I got a better picture that person was starting to look familiar. Half way there, I stopped walking as I recognized who it was. It was Hector.
He looked like he was waiting for me. I found it kind of strange for him to be there and I was feeling like he knew at what time I was coming. When I finally reached him I said hey and he smiled at me.
"Hey how are you?" he asked as he slightly slapped my shoulder. I was looking at him with a confused face saying 'what the hell are you doing here'.
"Um....were you waiting for me?" I asked. I looked around his face to see that he still had a black eye but looking better.
"Yeah. Um...are you okay?"
"Uh yeah I'm fine. Are you?" I answered him weirdly.
"Well my eye is still a little soar but I survived." he said. I laughed at his answer and playfully punched his stomach. Seeing him made feel sad because he sort of looked like shit since he fought with Alex but I was wondering why was he at school and not suspended or something. Well I let that thought go as looking at him reminding me of Alex.
"Well I'll see you later okay.."
"No wait. ...Ah...I need to talk to you." he said as he stopped me from leaving.
"About what?" I asked.
"Listen I'm sorry about yesterday I know shouldn't of fought with Alex but he was crazed. I can't stand that guy."
"Look I don't want to talk about this okay. I've been through enough shit and I don't wanna be hurt again." I said as I began to walk towards the doors.
"But........wait Ben!" he said as he spoked to me from behind but I just kept walking and went inside.
This day I felt that the classes took hours to go by. I was not paying much attention in my mourning classes because my mind was on Alex. I felt like I had lost something that was of part of me for so long and then one day it's all goes away. I was sitting in English class wondering about if Alex felt the same way as I did when I broke up with him. I guess it was like he flipped the script on me and now I had to work to get him back. Or maybe he misunderstood me when he saw me with Hector. Believe me I was going to break up with him but he just gave that bracelet so soon that I couldn't break up with him just like that. All of this happened so fast in such a bad way that I felt like completely forgetting about Alex and Hector and just moving on. But I love Alex way too much to even try. I guess I would just have to wait and see.
When lunch time came around I was not in the mood to hang out with anyone I just wanted to be alone and ponder about things. As I came out of my class I saw Lucia walking with Carlos and as they saw me they greeted me. I stared at them for a moment as it looked like they were holding hands. Lucia was smiling with a big grin while looking at Carlos. I was a little shocked to see what I was looking at. Before they could pass me I walked up to them and stood in front of them.
"Uh...hey guys!" I said as had a look on my face saying 'what is this'. Lucia looked at me and she knew what I was thinking. She released her hand from Carlos.
"Oh h..hey...Ben...um..what are you doing here?" she said as she sounded a little nervous. What am I doing here? What kind of question is that.
"S'up Ben." said Carlos. I looked at him and smiled I was wanting to know what was going on here.
"Well...ok...see you around.." said Lucia as she began to walk past me but I stopped her.
"Hold up senorita, is there something you want to tell me? Hmmm" I said as she looked at him and rolled her eyes at him. I was grinning to see that I had caught her and she had no way denying it.
She signed, "okay fine Ben you caught me! Happy?"
"Oh my god is this....is this.." I was all excited as I was trying to say are you two dating but I wanted her to say it.
"Yes Ben we're dating ..damn." she said.
"OOOOOOH! Well you definitely ain't wasting yo' time hahahahahaha" I said as began to laugh at my comment and which kind of embarrassed Lucia.
"Hehe...okay Ben calm down." said Carlos as I giggled.
"And how long?" I asked.
"About a week. We're not exactly a couple we just dating." he replied. I was smiling at both of them as this was oh so cute. How could she not tell me.
"Well okay...I'll leave you two alone so you can....you know....whatever."
"Okay Ben! I'll se you around." said Lucia and with that they both left and I kept looking at them. I was happy for them but looking at that scene it made me depressed. It kind of reminded me of Alex and how we, could of been happy together. At that moment I missed him even more. I wanted to be in his arms kissing him and holding him and telling him that I love him so much.
I went to my locker to put my books away and then headed down stairs. I got a bag of chips from the vending machine and then walked through that hallways while eating them. I began to feel lonely as I passed by a couple who were sitting down on the floor against their lockers and the guy had his arm around his girlfriend and she was all cuddled up in him while resting her head on his shoulder. I thought it was cute but when I passed them I rolled my eyes to act all disgusted. I didn't like that I only saw I guy and a girl. I mean if I was with Alex couldn't we just hold hands while we walk down the hallway minding our own business. Nope. Man, it's so hard being gay but it's not a decision...it's a job.
I went outside to get some fresh air. I went out through the back of the school where the field was and some pick nick tables stood near the track. I went to the tables and sat down. The weather was nice not to hot and light breezes ran through my face making feel refreshed. I looked around to see people playing in the basketball court, others playing football and the regular people who don't play sport but just hang around. I sat there alone at the pick nick table staring up into the sky asking god why is this happening to me. I was remembering the time when I was sitting with Alex at our spot and remembering what he said to me. 'I love you'. It made me run a single tear from eye but the wind cleaned it away. I was sitting there for about ten minutes but I was not going to be alone. I was daydreaming when someone touched my back and gentle rubbed me up and down. After two second I snapped out of my daydream.
"Is it alright if I can sit with you?" I turned around to see it was Hector. He was smiling as he looked like he was happy to see me. I was actually surprised to see him.
"Oh hey..yeah sure." I said and with that he walked around to sit on the other side right in front of me. I gave him a weak smile when he sat down and then looked down at the table.
"Do you have a moment to talk?" he asked. I looked up at him and thought to myself. Do I? Do I not? Or if I do talk with him will Alex come out of nowhere again and they both beat up each other again.
"Uh yeah." I said anyways. He leaned in closer and looked at me very carefully. I looked at his gorgeous brown eyes which kind of made me melt.
"Ben I know your hurting and you don't want to talk about us or anyone right now but.."
"Hector I'm ...just very stressed out right now" I said. "And um....can I ask you something?"
"Sure." he replied.
"What are you doing here at school? Shouldn't you be suspended or something."
"Oh that. Um...we only got sent home after that but we have in school suspension." he said.
"Really! That's it."
"Heh you sound like you want us to be suspended." he said as he playfully kicked my leg.
"Well no but that's weird. Anyway, where's Alex."
"sigh I don't know." he said as he rolled his eyes. I was glad that they weren't really suspended but now was wondering where Alex was. Hector probably knew but he didn't want to tell me.
It was silent for a moment as we both looked at different direction. After a little while I began to feel sad again and depressed as all about Alex came in my mind. Hector saw me looking sad and of course he would ask.
"Baby what's wrong?" he said. I looked at him with a bit of shock. Even after he fought Alex and finding out that I was suppose to break up with him he still calls me baby as boyfriend perspective. I took a moment to think and then spoke.
"Have you ever had a dream where you felt it was so real and even when you woke up you felt that it really happened to you?"
"Well ...um...I've had dreams that were so intense that I would wake up sweating." he said.
'Okay well lemme tell you something. ..... I've been having dreams where I was with Alex. I looked very happy with him and we have a good time. But all of a sudden something bad happens or he does something to hurt me and then I'm left crying. Then out of nowhere you come and you rescue me."
"Wow...really?" he said. It became silent again and I was waiting for him to say something. After a while he said something that caught me off guard.
"So you really were gonna break up with me?" he asked as he looked a bit sad. A tear fell from my face and I was ready to cry. I was trying to suck back the tears that were forming as I tried to answer his question. He noticed that I was about to cry. I wiped the tears with my fingers.
"Um...Hector...this is really hard for me and um..." I said but paused for a moment as I tried to hold back the tears. He got up and came around to sit next to me. He sat down with his back against the side of the table and adjusted himself so that he would face me.
"Look Ben. I should of never tried to get with you. I'm sorry." he said.
"Hector don't try to apologize." I said. "You're a really great guy and...sigh...I really like you a lot but sigh...I just...don't..."
"What?"
"Why do you want me so bad? You know what, people tell me that your no good but I don't see that. You're a great guy so why should you be with someone who's messed like me." I said as I was crying silently.
"Hey hey don't say that." he said as he put a hand my shoulder. "Ben........from the moment I saw you I just knew that I had to have you. You are special ...you are like no one else. So don't say that about yourself."
"But I am. I fucked up on you. I was with you when I got back with Alex and I was going to break up with you but you..sigh." I was getting frustrated and I just wanted to run away from him.
"Look I know you and Alex go way back but he doesn't see what's he's losing. Your not losing him, he's losing you." he said. That made me stop. He words touched me and made me think. He grabbed my hand and rubbed it gentle. I was actually waiting for Alex to show up at the tight moment to stop everything but he never showed up.
"Don't think your lost everything...you still have me." he said. He held my hand in his warm palms. You know, I was feeling like shit but he would always make me feel better. I smiled has he kissed my hand and told me it's ok.
"Even after all that has happened you still wanna be with me?" I asked.
"Yes!" he said.
"You know, you do always rescue me when I'm down. Like when we were at the party, Alex could of beaten me to death but you came and you rescued me." I said.
"Ben ....I can make you happy. You wouldn't have to worry about getting hurt because like I said before ..I would never hurt you." I looked at him with light in eyes. I was feeling better from his comments.
"So what are you saying?" I asked.
"I want you to forget about Alex and move on with me."
"You know I can't do that." I said.
"I know and I understand. But look at what's in front of you. Me with opened arms and waiting for you."
I took one deep breathe and exhaled. I thought for a moment and said in my mind, 'Alex I love you but I'm going to take this chance'.
"Well...ok...I'll be with you." I said and not caring if anybody was around and or watching, we kissed passionately right there in an area full of people near by.
He was really good to me....well... for a while.
Well that's chapter 9. Will Ben actually be happy with Hector? Maybe not maybe not. I don't know lol. Tell me what you thought about chapter nine and tell me what you think the ending would be if you have an idea. I always like comments. See ya in chapter 10.
E-mail:
obando@rogers.com