Copyright 2000 by Francis O'Ratigan
All rights reserved. With the exceptions of short excerpts for critical reviews, no part of this work may be reproduced in any manner whatsoever without permission in writing from the Author.
This is fiction and in no way reflects the actual views of real persons
OK OK You all win! Justin is out of the picture! The resquests are in and the nays have it. Justin is going to bow out and it will be just Kevin and Jason again. Now on with the story!!!
Rude Awakening
Chapter 11
For Brian and Kevin the world stood still. The man who they thought was dead was standing outside their door. Benjamin looked around the room and when he caught sight of Kevin he blushed. It was amazing how Kevin could still affect him after all those years of being out of his life. He took a deep breath and looked at Brian. Brian looked at him in awe as he always did back then. Only Brian was just a kid. Only 17 years old and innocent as they came. Benjamin always suspicion that Brian had a crush on him but wasn't sure. Now he was when he saw and witnessed the reaction that Brian had to his presence. Brian visibly shook himself alert. "Are you just going to stand there or are you coming in?" he demanded in sassy tone. Benjamin resisted a smile. That was so like Brian to hide his feelings through sarcasm.
He walked into the dressing room. Brian stumbled back looking at this man from the dead. He was the same tall good looking dark haired man that Kevin fell in love so many years ago. He even wore the same cologne. (Gravity) Brian started getting light headed at the sight of him. Just as he did whenever Benjamin came around him . He cursed himself silently when he saw the lips of this man curb upwards. 'He knew!' Brian thought to himself. 'Damn arrogant jack ass!' Brian had a crush on him all those years ago and was just as devastated when they got the news of Benjamin's supposed passing as Kevin was. He had locked himself in his own little world. Not daring to mourn for him in public. Benjamin was Kevin's husband and only Kevin had the right to mourn his death like that. So Brian locked out his friends and family dropped almost twenty pounds and came real close to killing himself over it. He had gotten over it eventually. After he found out that he had a career in music he emerged himself into it and finally the ache of the loss disappeared. Now it had resurfaced in force. Anger replaced it now. 'How dare you come raging back into our lives!' he hurled at him silently.
"Umm," mumbled Benjamin. "Can I see Kevin?" he asked. He still had that thick Kentucky accent. It was like time had halted. He was exactly as Brian remembered him. The same muscular build. The same innocent eyes tempered by the passage of time and an immense sense of sadness. He had added a thin mustache and goatee to match Kevin's. He was dressed in a black pair of baggy jeans and a black silk shirt. He looked great.
"Ben?" whispered Kevin as he stood and walked to him. His eyes were filled with unshed tears. 'My God it is him!' Kevin screamed silently to himself. 'Oh God what am I going to do. Oh God what about Jason?' he asked himself silently. Benjamin moved into the room. The easy going gait that he once had was gone. He now walked as if he was walking on eggshells. 'He is afraid!' Kevin said to himself shocked. Benjamin was never afraid. He was always so brave and confident. Now his attitude was tainted with immense fear and huge guilt and over whelming sense of sadness. Kevin bowed his head in shame for he knew he was largely responsible for that sadness. 'If only I had had the courage to stay with him back then,' he thought to himself.
Benjamin looked hard at Kevin as if making sure it was him. Than he reached up and gently rubbed the side of Kevin's face. Kevin shuddered at the touch. A thousand memories came rushing back. The first time they made love, when he lost his virginity to Benjamin. The day of their wedding. The day they found out he was suffering from that horrible cancer that stilled plagued him to this day. The shame and unbearable grief he suffered for months when he discovered he had died. And lastly the mixed feelings of relief, guilt and elation at the realization that he was alive. It was too much for him to bear. He started to shake his eyes rolled to the back of his head. Brian watched in shock as the strong and brave Kevin the one person who had always been headstrong and always in control passed out in front of his very eyes. Benjamin caught him just as he fell. Lowering him gently to the floor he looked up at Brian. "Kevin?" Benjamin asked concerned.
Brian knelt at Kevin's side to check him out. Kevin let out a small moan and opened his eyes. He looked into Ben's eyes. "You're alive!" he gasped out. He grabbed Benjamin's shoulder as if needing to touch him to verify what was standing in front of him. "You're alive!" he sobbed out.
"What the hell is going on?" demanded Brian. "What do you want with Kevin? And lastly, why aren't you dead?" Brian hated mysteries and this was a big one.
"I think we need to head back to the hotel and talk this out," suggested Kevin. Benjamin helped Kevin up but noticed that Kevin had a ring on his left hand and he fingered it looking at Kevin with the unasked question. "I remarried Ben," Kevin explained. "I was told you were dead."
"Like you said, let's get back to the hotel so we can talk," said Benjamin. They headed out in the hallway and ran into the other Guys including the members of Nsync.
"Oh fuck!" breathed AJ. "He is alive!" AJ knew Ben only for a very short time. It was shortly after he met Kevin. Kevin had checked Ben into the hospital and left him in the care of Luke. AJ never trusted Luke but never questioned Kevin's judgement. Kevin's career was just taking off and he had no interest in nursing a dying man. A dicision that would haunt Kevin for years to come. AJ had been the shadows gently comforting Kevin through the pain, guilt and grief. Now all of that came rushing back. AJ looked at Kevin and saw the fear, the guilt and the relief that Ben was alive. One name screamed at AJ during this time as he stared at Kevin and than Benjamin. 'What about Jason?' he thought to himself.
"Who is alive?" demanded Justin.
"Benjamin, Kevin's first husband," explained AJ speaking as if he had just seen a ghost from the past for indeed he had.
"Jesus man," swore Nick. "This is worse than a sick soap opera!" Kevin took Benjamin by the hand and led him towards the gang.
"Let's go back to the hotel so we can talk," suggested Kevin.
"No!" shouted Justin. "We talk now and here!" Brian barreled past Kevin and grabbed Justin and shoved him against the wall. Justin let out small groan of pain. Kevin grabbed Brian and jerked him away from Justin.
"Don't you ever fucking touch him again!" Kevin shouted in Brian's face. Turning to Justin he took his face in his hands. "Justin Babe, we don't want to cause a scene. Let's go back to the hotel and talk. I promise to explain every thing," promised Kevin. Only Justin wasn't looking at Kevin any more. He was staring at Benjamin. And Benjamin was staring at him.
'Who was this gorgeous creature? And how did he fit into Kevin's life?' Ben asked himself. He made up his mind to find out. His soft light brown curls graced his angelic face. He wore a look of complete innocence. Ben felt his heart skip a beat. Justin eyes locked onto Ben's gaze. Ben gaze asked the question, "Who are you? Can we get together?"
"God he is beautiful!" breathed Justin. Blushing when he discovered he had spoken aloud. He felt drawn to him like no other person. Kevin looked at him with a tinge of jealousy. But his gaze softens when Justin smiled at Kevin.
"Yes he is isn't he?" nodded Kevin helping Justin up.
In the limo in route to the Hotel.
"So Benjamin," said Brian in a nasty tone. "Who have you been fucking all of those years while Kevin thought you were dead!" Kevin hauled off and slapped Brian in the face.
"That's enough Brian!" shouted Kevin. "I'm sorry for my Cousin's remarks Ben."
"No that is all right Kevin, I see that little Brian got over his shyness and now it seems his bark does have a bite after all," spoke up Benjamin for the first time. Justin took a sudden breath in. Benjamin heard it and turned and smiled at Justin. Justin blushed and smiled back looking at his feet. "I don't remember much of my past. I remember being sick and I remember you." He took Kevin's hand and brought it up to his mouth and kissed it. "I know that at one time I loved you very much. But now it is just a distant memory. Luke is the one I love now." Kevin looked up with anger in his eyes.
"What the hell does Luke have to do with this?" he demanded snatching his hand away.
"Luke has been my lover for almost 8 years," answered Benjamin. "Do you know him?"
"I know him," said Kevin his face turning into a mask of hatred. "He was your nurse when you were sick. He is also the one that told me that you were dead!"
"Why would he deceive you like that?" asked Benjamin. "This is all confusing for me. And now it seems that Luke has disappeared."
"You mean he is gone?" asked Kevin. It was all coming together now. "Oh fuck!" Kevin put his head in his hands. "That fucking bastard!" he sobbed. Justin pulled him into a hug only to have Kevin wrench himself from Justin's touch. Justin looked shocked and hurt at the same time. "This is his punishment for me!"
"What punishment? Asked Benjamin looking concerned.
"For not loving him, for loving you, for using him, for loving Jason, for just about every thing I did these last eight years!" shouted Kevin. He was falling apart. He was shaking and sobbing uncontrollably. Benjamin gathered him up in his arms and held him while Kevin's body was wracked with sobs. Finally Kevin stopped sobbing and just stared off into space. Try as they might they couldn't get a response out of him. They arrived at the hotel and got him up to his room. But Kevin was still unresponsive.
"We need to call Jason and get him here," said Benjamin as he walked out of the room. He had just left Kevin lying on the bed. He was turned away from him looking into space. No one had been able to get any sort of response from Kevin.
"Jason is sick and Kevin will through a fit if we bring him into this!" exclaimed Brian.
"We don't have a choice in the matter Brian, Ben is right we need Jason here," argued Justin. "If anyone can get through to him it is Jason."
"Fine go ahead and drag Jason here. You ass holes are going to do what you want to anyway!" shouted Brian storming out of the room. Nick let out a sigh and took off after Brian. He found him in their room.
"Brian?" he asked softly placing his hand on his shoulder. Brian shrugged him off and went to the window and stared out it. Nick went to him and wrapped his arms around his waist. Brian tried to pull away. "Don't push me away mister!" Nick said in a stern voice. Brian just stood there sulking. "You want to talk about it?" he asked kissing him on the neck. Brian shook his head no. "Well I am here if you need me and I am not going anywhere."
"I'm scared Nick," Brian said softly. "I've never seen Kevin like this before. I am really worried about him."
"We all are Brian. He is like an older brother to me," whispered Nick rubbing his back. There was a knock on the door. Nick rolled his eyes and went to it and opened it. It was Justin and he was frantic with worry.
"It's Kevin!" he stuttered out. "He has locked himself in the bathroom and wont let anyone in!"
"Fuck!" shouted Brian as he took off towards Kevin's room. Once inside he rushed to the bathroom door. "Kevin!" he shouted. "Come on cous. Open up we are worried about you!" Brian was answered by something breaking against the door. He jumped back. Turning to Justin and Nick. "You two get your asses moving and get Jason here now!" Justin and Nick nodded silently and rushed out to contact Jason and get him on the next flight from Orlando. Brian turned back to the door. "Kevin!" he called out in what he hoped was a calm voice. "You're starting to worry us now. Why don't you come out so we can talk about what is bothering you?" pleaded Brian.
"Go away!" screamed Kevin throwing another bottle of cologne at the door. It shattered and the contents ran down the door. Kevin slumped to the floor sobbing. "Why does this shit always have to happen to me?" he wailed to himself.
In Kevin's apartment.
Jason was sleeping soundly. Probably the soundest he had slept in weeks. He heard the phone ring and groaned and turned over and covered his head with his pillow.
"Jason?" asked Tom. Jason let out another groan and turned over on his stomach. Maybe Tom would go away if he thought he was asleep. Tom called him again and tapped him on the shoulder. Jason let out a growl and sat up in bed.
"What?" he demanded.
"You have a phone call," said Tom grinning and pointing at the phone.
"Hello?" asked Jason into the phone.
"Jason!" said Nick into the phone. Jason picked up on Nick's frantic voice at once.
"Nick? what's happened? And what is wrong with Kevin?" asked Jason starting to get worried.
"We need you to get packed and come up to New York right away. There is a first class Ticket waiting for you at the airport," explained Nick.
"What is wrong with Kevin?" demanded Jason tears coming to his eyes.
"We'll explain that when you get here," insisted Nick. "Justin and I will meet you at the Airport. Now hurry!" With that said Nick hung up on him.
Jason hung up the phone and grabbed the suitcase he had packed the day before. "I have to go to New York! Something has happened to Kevin," he explained to a confused Tom.
"I'm going with you!" he insisted. Jason didn't have time to argue they would sort that out later. Right now the only thing that mattered was that Kevin needed him and he was going to his rescue. Little did he know that his life would be turned upside down.
Back at the hotel room
"Brian," said Ben softly. "Let me try."
"You!" shouted Brian. "Why should I let you try? It's because of you that he is like this!"
"And that is precisely why I have to try and help him!" Ben shouted back. He was getting tired of Brian. Brian used to be so sweet before. He had grown into a complete Jackass now. Brian glared at him and stood his ground.
"Come on B-rock let him try," said AJ putting his hand on Brian's shoulder. Brian let AJ lead him away.
"He is just going to hurt him again Bone!" explained Brian with tears in his eyes.
"I don't think he will. He loves Kevin still. I can see it in his eyes," AJ said leading Brian into his room. "Here have something to drink," AJ said handing him a glass. Brian took a drink and coughed.
"What is this?" he exclaimed looking into the glass.
"Rum and Coke," explained AJ. "You look like you needed a drink."
Brian shrugged his shoulders and took another drink. After he was done he asked for another one. AJ gave it to him.
Back in Kevin's room
"Kevin babe?" asked Ben leaning against the door. "Come on Kevin let me in. I just want to talk to you." He heaved a sigh of relief when the door opened. He walked in and found Kevin sitting on the floor. Ben sat down next to him. Kevin's eyes were still red but it looked like he was all cried out. "Jason is on his way," he said softly. Kevin nodded listlessly staring off into space again. "Please say something?" Ben pleaded. Kevin looked at him and Ben gave a gasp. There was nothing in Kevin's eyes. They were blank of all emotion. The love that was once there was gone. He wrapped his arms around Kevin and pulled him close. Kevin pulled away and got up and went to the bed and sat down.
"Why did you come back?" he asked harshly looking out the window. "I have my own life. I am happy with Jason. I don't want any other!"
"I don't know why I am here. For the longest time I didn't know who I was. Luke just called me Ben. We got married?" he asked lightly stroking Kevin's face. Kevin involuntarily leaned into the touch savoring it.
"Yes we did," answered Kevin looking into Ben's eyes. "Than you got sick and I was a fucking coward and left you!" he said harshly. He looked away in shame. He felt the gentle touch of Ben's thumb on his chin. With the softest force he had he turned Kevin's face so it was looking him in the eye. Kevin saw only love and forgiveness. It did not make the guilt any better. If anything it made it worse.
"I've forgiven you Kevin. You were young and had a bright career ahead of you. I didn't need to stand in the way of that. If you remember I told you to go," Ben reminded him. Kevin got the defiant look in his eye when he was about to argue. Ben smiled at the memory of many of their arguments. Kevin was so young back then.
"I was your husband and I should've stayed with you until the end!" argued Kevin with his mouth set stubbornly. "That is what husbands do!"
"And you said those exact words all those years ago Kevin. But you went anyway. You went, as I wanted you to. My sickness was destroying you. I couldn't allow that. It was my duty as your husband to let you go," he said. Kevin wrenched himself away and glared at Ben. Ben cringed at the upcoming retort.
"I didn't want to go!" sobbed Kevin. "But I went any way because I was a fucking coward!" He fell to his knees sobbing into his hands. "I loved you man!" Benjamin got up and went to Kevin. He knelt down and wrapped his arms around him.
"You loved me Kevin," he said slowly. "But you moved on as I have. You moved on and found love in a great man. You're married to him and now you have the chance to do it again. Only this time you will do it right," Ben said gently rocking Kevin in his arms. Soon Kevin fell asleep in Ben's arms. Ben picked him up with difficulty and laid him in the bed. He climbed in ontop of the blankets and held him close. "I loved you too Boo," he whispered in Kevin's ear.
"I love you Jason," Kevin mumbled in his sleep. Ben smiled when Kevin said that.
"I can't wait to meet him. He sounds like a great guy Boo," sighed Benjamin.
At the Airport.
Jason and Tom walked out the gate and Jason spotted Nick and Justin right away. Justin was waving like a maniac to get their attention. Jason smiled and waved back. Once reaching Justin he pulled him in a hug. He noticed a difference in the way Justin hugged him. Frowning he looked at Justin. "Tell me what is wrong with my husband!" demanded Jason.
"Not here Jason," whispered Nick as he spotted some reporters headed their way. "Let's get your luggage and get you checked into the hotel. You have got to be tired." Jason reluctantly agreed and followed Nick and Justin to baggage claim. Justin looked at Jason and grinned.
"What is so funny?" asked Jason.
"You're wearing the sweat suit I got for you," he pointed out.
"I've been cold all day," explained Jason.
"Well it looks good on you. Have you been getting enough rest?" he asked looking him over. Jason sighed and rolled his eyes at him. "Hey you keep doing that and they will roll right out of your head," Justin scolded shaking his finger at Jason. Jason giggled and messed up Justin's hair. This of course threw Justin in a fit. He spent the next twenty minutes complaining about how he was going to have to fix his hair when he got back to the hotel. Jason and Nick just laughed at him. Tom had fallen asleep in the seat next to them.
"Now tell me what is going on?" asked Jason again. Nick looked at Justin and Justin shook his head no. "Juustiiin!" scolded Jason.
"It's not in my place to tell you. Kevin needs to tell you!" Justin said a little loudly.
"Fine!" Jason grumbled.
"Fine!" Justin grumbled back. Nick choked back a laugh and Jason and Justin both glared him down. They spent the next fifteen minutes in silence. Jason had nodded off to sleep lying in Justin's lap. Justin was playing with Jason's hair and humming quietly to him.
"So you like Ben?" asked Nick suddenly. Justin shot up looking at Nick in fear. "Oh come on Justin it was as plain as the nose on your face. You have the hots for him. Come on admit it!"
"He is good looking," admitted Justin blushing.
"He likes you too!" teased Nick.
"How do you know" demanded Justin.
"I just know!" laughed Nick.
"I am way out of his league, he can never go for a guy like me," mumbled Justin. Nick put his arm around Justin.
"Stop saying that about yourself. You are a great guy and you are not of his league. If any thing he is out of yours!" scolded Nick. Justin smiled and kissed Nick on the cheek.
"Thanks Nickie!" he said. The limo finally got to the hotel and they got Jason and Tom up to the rooms. When they got to Kevin's room Nick stepped in front of it.
"You might see something that you're not going to understand. So please don't jump to conclusions. Give Kevin the chance to explain," said Nick. Jason nodded and opened the door. It was dark inside and he walked towards the bed. He could make out that someone was in it.
"Kevin?" he asked quietly. A figure sat up and climbed out of the bed. Walking over to him Jason saw that this was not Kevin. The frown on his face was evident. "Who are you?" he asked forcing him self to remain calm.
"Why don't we step into Nick's room so we can talk," the man said. Jason glared at him but went out of the room any way. Once inside Nick's room Jason turned on him.
"Now enough stalling!" he demanded. "Who the hell are you and why are you sleeping with my husband?"
"Have you ever heard Kevin talk about Benjamin?" asked the man.
"Yea, his former husband," answered Jason. "Why?"
"I'm Benjamin Richardson Jason," he said looking down at his feet. Jason stumbled back and sat down in a chair hard. He shook his head to clear it. Benjamin knelt by him and took Jason's hands in his. Jason looked away anger, confusion evident in his eyes. Benjamin looked closely at him and gave a small gasp. "You have cancer," he stated. It wasn't a question for he had been through it too. Jason nodded and looked at Benjamin. He too was struck by the beauty of this man.
"Why aren't you dead?" Jason asked.
"Alot of people have been asking me that," Ben replied softly laughing. When Jason didn't join in Ben got serious again. "Luke lied to alot of people Jason. I went into remission about three months after Kevin left me. I've been in remission for the last seven and ahalf years now." Ben saw that Jason was tired. "Why don't you go to bed and get some rest, trust me I know that you need it."
"Where do I sleep?" asked Jason sadly.
"With your husband of course!" replied a shocked Benjamin. Jason looked at with tears flowing down his face.
"You're his husband Ben," he whimpered.
"I may have been his husband at one time Jason. But you are his life now. He is tore up inside with worry about how this is going to affect you. He needs you now more than ever," Ben stopped at the point of tellling Jason the whole story. Jason got up and walked into Kevin's room. He looked down at his Husband.
Chapter 12
Kevin woke to a pair of lips on his neck. He brushed them off and groaned and turned over. The lips returned to his back and traveled up to his neck. Kevin groaned again and scotted over away from the annoying lip monster. The monster let out a giggle. That giggle sounded familiar. Kevin grinned and decided to play hard to get. The lips found his ear lobe and started to softly nibble on it. Kevin stiffled a giggle but was unsecsessful. "So my sleeping beauty decided to join the world of the living. Kevin turned around to see Jason grinning down at him.
"Jason!" he shouted grabbing him in a vicious hug. Jason started making gagging noices
"Cough Cough!" he gasped out. "Must have air," he weezed out. Kevin laughed and let him loose.
"Jason!" he said again in pleased shock. "What are you doing here?" he demanded suddenly worried. "How are you feeling?" he asked noticing the worry lines around Jason's eyes. "You should be home resting."
"I am home," Jason said with a smile. "Wherever you are Babe is where my home is." There was few moments of silence before Jason spoke again. "Ben seems like a nice guy." Kevin started sobbing falling into Jason's arms. Jason just held him rocking him softly. "It's all right Babe. I don't blame you for anything. I still love you, nothing has changed Kevin," Jason soothed him. He wondered who he was trying to convice. Kevin or himself. Kevin finally calmed down enough and looked up at Jason and saw only love and understanding. Kevin reached up and grabbed him by the neck and pulled him down and pressed his lips to Jason's. Jason let out a small sob and joined in on the kiss. Once again they found their tongues involved in the never ending duel for control. Jason hands travled down Kevin's chest and than to his rock hard stomach and finally to his cock. Since Kevin slept in the nude it made it much easier to seduce him. Kevin let out another groan as soon as Jason's hand came in contact with his cock. Jason broke off the kiss and pushed Kevin back on the bed. Kevin looked down in wonderment as Jason began his assault on Kevin's body. Starting with his chin he covered Kevin's chin and neck with a combination of love bites and kisses. Reaching his pecs his attacked the rock hard nipples biting and sucking on them until the stood at sharp points. Kevin ran his fingers through Jason's hair gently pushing his head towards his groin. But Jason would not be rushed. Using his fingers he travled lightly down the insides of Kevin's thighs. Kevin through back his head and groaned loudly. "
"Oh fuck Jason, Please?" he whimpered. Jason looked up at him and grinned and than buried his face in Kevin's groin. Taking one of Kevin's balls in his mouth he gently massaged it by rolling it around his mouth with his tongue. "Uhhhhh Jason, Fuck man," Kevin rasped out. Jason just let out a giggle and resumed his assault on his other ball. Letting the other testicle fall out he blew on the soaked balls. Kevin's cock jumped in excitement. Jason giggled again and started tonguing the inside of Kevin's thighs. "OOOOHHH Jesus Jason!" yelled Kevin as he thrashed on the bed. Jason just let out another laugh and engulfed Kevin's cock. That was all the incentive that Kevin needed. With one plunge he had his cock buried down Jason throat. Jason let out a muffled groan as he savored the feeling and taste of Kevin's cock ramming in and out of his mouth. He could tell that Kevin would not last long. So he took Kevin's cock out of his mouth and climbed back up so that he was face to face with his angel. Kevin glared at the smiling face.
"Hi!" said Jason in a cheerful voice. Kevin growled in frustration. "What?" asked Jason all innocent. Kevin flipped him over so that he was strattling Jason's chest. Kevin's rock hard cock was pointing right at Jason's mouth. Jason opened his mouth and Kevin slowly began to feed Jason his cock. Once he got the head in he drew it back out. Jason let a wimper and Kevin giggled.
"Oh so you want this?" asked Kevin grinning as he pointed at his cock. Jason licked his lips and nodded. Kevin let out a laugh and slid his cock back down Jason's mouth. Jason was happy once again. He was pleasuring the man he loved. He looked up at his husband as he gently made love to Jason's mouth. His balls lightly slapping Jason's chin. Jason felt Kevin's balls grow tight and his cock head swell. Jason knew it would not be long before he would recieve his gift. Kevin let out another grunt and pumped his cock in one last time before he blasted his load down Jason's throat. Jason eagerly swalled it most of it leaving the last few drops to savor. Finally Kevin's spent cock slipped out of Jason's mouth still coated with his cum. Kevin fell back onto the bed breathing heavily. Jason scooted down so that he was face to face with Kevin's cock. With gentle licks he cleaned Kevin's cock off so that not a trace of cum was on it. Scooting back up to Kevin he grinned in Kevin's face. Kevin reached out with his tongue and caught a drop of his cum on the side of Jason's face.
"You missed a spot," he said softly pulling Jason in a hug. Jason snuggled up to Kevin burrying his head in Kevin's chest. Soon Kevin heard the regular breathing of his lover. He gently untangled himself from his sleeping husband and went to take a shower. Looking back at Jason before he walked into the bathroom he smiled at his sleeping angel. "God I love him so much," he whispered lifting his eyes up to heaven.
Justin woke with a start. He looked over at the sleeping stranger next to him. Than he remembered that he offered to let Benjamin sleep in his room. He groaned as he climbed out of bed and padded over to his clothes. Grabbing a pair of boxers he shuffled into the bathroom. Starting the shower he climbed. He leaned against the shower stall letting the hot water hit him square in the face. He could not get Benjamin out of his mind. He was the best looking man he had ever laid eyes on. Hell he was even better looking than Kevin and Jason put together. If that was possible. He shook his head and slowly came back to reality. He finished his shower and climbed out of the shower only to walk right into Ben. He let out a small shout and scared poor Ben to death. Ben looked at Justin standing there in all of his naked glory. Justin blushed and grabbed a towle and went to cover himself. Ben's hand stoped him
"Don't cover yourself Justin," he wispered. Justin stood there staring as if in a daze. "You are too beautiful to be ashamed of your body," whispered Ben as he reached out and touched Justin's face. Justin leaned into the touch. "Do you and I have a chance?" asked Ben boldly. Justin shook himself free of Ben's gaze. Grabbing his towell and boxers he brushed by Ben and into the bedroom. Ben followed Justin into the room. Justin slipped on his boxers and finshed drying his hair. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that," mumbled Ben. Justin looked up at him and gazed at him for a few moments before he spoke.
"You need to understand," started Justin pulling a shirt over his head. "I'm involved in a relationship at the moment."
"Yea I know," replied Ben. "But a three way relationship will never work. Believe me I've tried."
"When did you try?" asked Justin. Ben smiled a small smile as he allowed his mind to travel back in the past. But soon his face was clouded with saddness. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want."
"No I need to talk about it," Benjamin shook his head clearing it of the painful memories of the past. "Luke brought home a wayward young man. He didn't have anywhere to go. He had just been kicked out of his home. Luke was good at bringing home guys who needed help. But all Luke wanted them for was for sex. Well this young man was different. Luke and I developed an attraction to him. It worked for about three weeks than it fell apart."
"There is something you should know," said Justin looking at the floor. "I love Kevin with everything I have. I haven't been this happy for a long time."
"Let me ask you a question," Luke said sitting beside Justin. "If you are so happy than why aren't you in bed with Kevin and Jason making love right now?" The question hit Justin hard. Ben had a point, he should be in there with Kevin and Jason. But he wasn't.
"I don't belong there," he mumbled. "They need their private space and I don't want to intrude on them."
"But if you are truly a part of their lives than you do belong in there. So back to my question. Why aren't you in there with your lovers?" Ben asked again before heading out of the room leaving Justin there to think about what he had said.
In Brian and Nick's room
Nick laid back in bed watching his angel sleeping. Brian had spent most of the night tossing and turning. Every once in a while he would wake up in a cold sweat begging Ben not to leave. Nick was a little upset. It was obvious that Ben played a larger role in Brian's past than Brian was willing to admit.
"I love you Ben, Please don't leave!" wimpered Brian in his sleep. The words hit Nick like a ton of bricks.
"Brian!" shouted Nick. "Wake up man!" Brian sat up in bed looking around franticly. "You're dreaming about him again!" Nick hurled at Brian.
"About who?" asked Brian still confused.
"About Ben," Nick told him glaring at him. "You've been dreaming about him all fucking night!" Brian looked away in shame. "Something you are not telling me?" demanded Nick. Brian shook his head no. This only served to piss Nick off more. "Bullshit Brian!" yelled Nick. Brian cringed at the words. "You were in love with him!" Nick stated.
"Was is the key word Nick!" shouted Brian at him. "I'm not inlove with him any more!"
"Than why are you dreaming about him now?" demanded Nick.
"I don't know Nick!" Brian got up and walked to the window. "Maybe it's because he came crashing back into our lives after almost 8 years. Those were powerful memories. Very painful memories. But it is in the past. I love you Nick. Not Benjamin." Nick swore under his breath and stormed out of the room.
"Fuck!" shouted Brian. He took off after Nick. He finally caught up with him at he elevators door. Nick was still in his boxers. "Nick?" Brian asked softly.
"What?" Nick asked harshly.
"Do you want to go back into the room and get some clothes on?" asked Brian raising an amused eyebrow. Nick looked down at his boxers and grinned sheepishly. Brian offered him his hand and he took it and they walked back into the room.
Jason and Kevin walked out of their room and headed down to AJ and Howie's room. It was decided that they would have breakfast there this morning before getting on the plane back to Orlando. Kevin knocked on the door before entering. AJ and Howie were up talking to Justin and Benjamin. Benjamin was laughing at AJ's jokes. Justin was sitting there rolling his eyes.
"Is this a private party or can anyone join?" asked Kevin to get everyones attention. The joking and laughing stopped as they looked at Kevin and Jason. Kevin gave Jason's hand a squeeze and moved into the room. Justin looked very uncomfortable sitting next to Ben so he got up to move. Ben looked a little hurt but didn't say anything.
"Morning Jason," said Justin giving Jason a kiss on the cheek. "Did you sleep well last night?"
"Like a baby," grinned Jason as he looked at Kevin. Kevin coughed softly and looked to the ground.
"You look better this morning than you did last night," Justin commented as he moved towards the breakfast carts. Jason nodded silently and looked at Kevin. Kevin was looking at Justin and than at Ben. He was not happy.
"Something wrong babe?" asked Jason whispering in his ear.
"Nothing I can't handle," he whispered back a little harshly. He removed himself from Jason's grip and made his way over to Ben. "Can I talk to you outside for a moment?" he asked Ben. Ben nodded and got up and followed Kevin outside. Jason went to follow him but was stopped by Justin.
"Let them work it out for themselves Jason. They have a lot stuff to work out," pleaded Justin.
"And where do you fit in to this?" asked Jason. Justin blushed and looked down for a few seconds and looked up at Jason. Jason was shocked to see anger in his eyes.
"Dammit Jason!" he whispered harshly. "I deserve to be happy! And if Ben is going to make me happy than so be it."
"Whoa slow down Justin," said Jason in a soothing voice. "I want you happy to. Aren't you happy with us?" He asked. Justin looked down and Jason could see tears forming in his eyes. He took Justin by the chin and brought his face up to his. "Than you must do what you must to make you happy!" instructed Jason wiping a tear from Justin's face with his thumb. Justin nodded and wrapped his arms around Jason. "Whatever you decide Curly, I will be here to support you," Jason whispered in his ear.
"Thanks Jason," sniffled Justin as he kissed Jason lightly on the lips. Jason's stomach made a loud growling noise causing Justin to laugh. "Sounds like you need to eat Mister!" he said in a scolding voice. With that said he made it his business to fill Jason's plate with Jason's favorite breakfast foods. Jason made it his business to fill Justin's plate. Once they were done they traded plates and found a quiet corner where they could eat in peace.
Ben followed Kevin out into the hall. Kevin spun on him and grabbed him slammed him against the wall. "What the fuck are you doing with Justin?" he demanded. Ben shoved Kevin back.
"Don't you ever touch me like that again!" Ben yelled at him. "Now as for Justin, I don't know what is going on. You will have to aske him. Besides you are married to Jason so what business is it of yours what Justin and I do?" Ben asked, although he knew the relationship that Kevin had with Justin and Jason. He didn't like it one bit.
"I love him!" yelled Kevin. Ben just looked at him and shook his head. "What?" demanded Kevin. "I can't love two people at the same time?"
"No Kevin!" Ben shouted at him back. "You can't love two people like that. You are married to Jason and your feelings should only be for him. God man he is sick and could be dying. You need to give him all of your love. Not deviding it between two men. You're going to end up breakin two people's hearts if you don't break this off!" Kevin just leaned against the wall glaring at him. "I'm right and you know it Kevin," Ben said quietly as he turned around and headed back into the room. Kevin continued to stare at the floor even after Ben left to go back to the room.
"Hey Cous!" said a cheerfull voice. Kevin looked up to see a beeming Brian staring at him.
"So why are you so fucking happy?" snapped Kevin. "Did you and Nickie get some last night?" Brian let out a giggle and nodded. "Spare me the details. Where is the golden boy any way?"
"He is still in his room getting ready," Brian said. Kevin and Brian headed into the room and filled their plates and sat down to eat. Kevin looked around the room to see where Justin and Jason were. He found them in a corner eating and joking around. Kevin smiled a little for it was good to see Jason smile again. But his smile soon turned into a look of concern. Jason was losing weight again. He could see it. And he noticed that he wasn't eating like he should. He had a plate piled high with food but he had hardly touched it. Kevin got up and went to his husband and sat down next to him. He leaned his head on his shoulder. Jason jumped a little but smiled brightly when he saw who it was.
"Hi!!" he said excitedly. He frowned when he saw the concerned look on Kevin's face. "What's wrong babe?" he asked wiping a tear from Kevin's face.
"Well you see I have this friend," Kevin started. Jason nodded for him to continue. "Well he is sick and I am real worried about him, Kevin continued looking down at his feet. "Please Jason," he said with his lip trembling. "You need to take care of yourself."
"I'm not hungry," Jason replied. Kevin just stared at him for a few moments and than nodded and walked away. "Kevin," pleaded Jason. "Don't be that way." Kevin turned back and walked back to him.
"Don't be what way Jason?" he asked with anger and hurt in his voice. "Don't worry about you?" Jason set his plate down and walked to him and took Kevin's hands in his. Kevin jerked them back. "Well it's to late for that Jas!" he sobbed. "I do worry about you! You have a disease. A disease that is killing you! And you refuse to take care of yourself!"
"Let's go somewhere where we can talk in private," urged Jason. He took Kevin's hand and led him out on the balcony. "Kevin there are things about this chemo that you don't know."
"Suppose you tell me what you think I should know," Kevin walked to the railing and looked out over the city. The sun was just starting to rise over the buildings. It cast a golden glow over them. He turned and looked back at Jason. Jason was also cast in gold glow as well. "God Jason, you are so awesome. But I see what is happening to you. This cancer is eating you up. The chemo makes you sick, I understand that. Soon you're going to be starting Radiation treatments too. I just want you to take care of yourself. I don't want to loose you like I lost Benjamin!" Kevin sobbed out.
"Kevin, Ben is back alive and well and if---," started Jason. Kevin reached up placed a hand over Jason's mouth to stop him.
"No, Jason," interupted Kevin. "I did loose him all those years ago. His cancer may have went into remission. But it doesn't change the fact that I lost him. I left the man I love because I didn't have the courage to stand by him like I should've." Jason looked into Kevin's eyes and saw the guilt and regret of leaving Ben all those years ago and he wished he could take away that pain. "I've been given a second chance with you Jas. And I am not going to squander that chance. I love you and only you. No more Justin and us. We can't build a solid marriage or beat this cancer with a third party in this." Kevin knelt down before Jason and took his left hand in his and brought it up to his mouth and graced it with his lips.
"Kevin," stuttered Jason. "What are you doing?" Kevin looked down at his feet for a couple of seconds and than looked up at Jason.
"You know that I love you?" asked Kevin. Jason nodded. "Than I want to make this oath to you. I will stand by you and together we will beat this cancer. If other singers can put a halt to their careers for their life mates illnesses than dammit so can I." Jason started to get this feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach. He shook his head no but Kevin plunged forward. "Jason what I am trying to tell you is that I am quitting the group." Jason stood there looking at Kevin in shock.
"Kevin,you don't have to do this," urged Jason. Kevin shook his head no. "Please Kevin, don't do this," pleaded Jason. Kevin stood up and pulled him into a hug.
"I must do this," he said quietly. "My husband needs me and nothing is as important to me than my husbands needs." Jason took a couple of steps back and looked at Kevin. His eyes were bright and full of love. His mouth was set with a little frown. Jason knew he had made up his mind. He nodded and reached for his hand and Kevin gladly took it.
"So be it," stated Jason. "We fight this disease together as life mates." Kevin got this huge grin on his face and buried his face in Jason's shoulder sobbing in reliefe.
"Thank you!" he breathed as Jason kissed him lightly on the lips. "Now come on we have a press conference to set up. Management is going to love this one," he sighed as he escorted Jason into the Hotel room.
Justin looked over at Benjamin eating alone. He felt drawn to him. He was so beautiful. The way those few strands of hair graced his forehead. The way his mouth was set when he was in thought. Even the way he moved turned Justin on. 'Come on Justin!' he scolded himself. 'You don't even know what love is,' He shook his head and took a huge drink of water. A shadow crossed over him. He looked up at a God.
"You want some company?" asked Benjamin. Justin nodded at the empty seat. "I was wondering if you wanted to go to dinner tonight?" asked Benjamin.
"Dinner?" asked Justin. Benjamin smiled at Justin and Justin felt his heart skipp a beat. 'Please smile at me again,' he pleaded with him silently.
"Yes dinner. You know where you go into this um building and they sit you down at this thing called a table and you order from this thing called a menu and and---," teased Benjamin. His eyes were all lit up with amusement.
"Yea," mumbled Justin.
"Yea what?" asked Benjamin smiling at him again.
"Yea, I would love to um have um dinner with um you," suttered Justin. 'God I feel so stupid!' he shouted at himself. 'Maybe if I am lucky the floor will open up and swallow me whole.' Benjamins face lit up and he smiled again. 'Yess!!' shouted Justin in his head. 'He smiled at me again!!'
"So how about seven tonight?" asked Benjamin. 'Yesss!! there is a God!!!' he shouted to himself.
"Seven would be great," Justin said giving him his trade mark smile. Benjamin blushed and looked away. 'God I love it when he does that!'
"Good it will be a date than," Benjamin said smiling. Justin nodded yes not trusting himself to say anything.
Ok there you have it. Justin is officially out of the picture. So let me know what you guys and gals think. Just quick note to all of my supporters out there. I love you all!! You are the best. I love the feedback I get. Even the negative feedback is positive. It helps me write better and to keep the story streamlined so that my readers will continue to follow it.
A very special thanks go to David at Nifty. You are the greatest!! I've never met someone with such dedication. Thanks again for posting my stories.
Comments or feedback welcomed e-mail me at frnceso@yahoo.com