Greetings Archive Visitors and welcome to the next segment of the story. I hope all is well with you... I recently celebrated a milestone birthday, so I have been busy with autographs, conferences, press meetings and interviews.... or small gatherings with family and friends. :) That is why it has taken me a little while to type this up. I have a special Christmas one that should be out extra quick- and just in time for the 25th- if you celebrate the season, that is. Anyway, I wish to thank everyone for your support and keep the emails coming to BrwyDevil@aol.com. This story is fictional and I do not mean to imply anything about the celebrities involved. Except maybe Justin... just kidding. :)
Running Thoughts Part Twelve: "Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again"
Kevin pulled the sheets up closer around his body. He drew the edge up around his neck and let one arm fall off the side of the bed. He remembered how frightened he used to be as a child to lay like this. He was either afraid of monsters under his bed or bugs crawling up his arm. It was a strange sensation, but it was how he felt. He used to get tucked in tightly and leave only enough leeway space in the blankets for breathing.
He was glad he was over that stage of paranoia- but he did find himself still snuggling up tightly from time to time. Slowly Kevin felt himself give into the powers of the sandman. When he blinked into his dreamscape, he saw his hotel room covered in a strange yellow light. The room had a gaping hole in the wall where the window was supposed to be and a mesmerizing sun was setting in the distance. A luxurious and lavish land of prospering trees and lakes receded into a beautiful fog.
He saw himself dressed in beige pajamas. They were very smooth and rubbed against his skin as a warm breeze passed by. The yellow hue grew brighter around him as he stared down at the wondrous landscape before him. He felt an arm wrap around his waist and warm lips kiss the back of his neck. Kevin attempted to turn his head and see who was behind him but his peripheral vision seemed to be blurred. He couldn't tell who he was with. The lips slowly began to massage the area between his neck and shoulder.
Kevin smiled and held onto the arm that held him closely. He had been so lonely and this felt so right. He closed his eyes and craned his neck so the mysterious someone could continue their activities. Kevin marveled at the reality he felt- and as happens in most cases- he forgot he was dreaming.
There was great strength in the arms of this lover- but he wasn't struggling to escape. Instead, he slowly gave into the hormonal powers inside of him. With his eyes closed, he arched his back and leaned into a passionate kiss with the phantom figure. His tounge danced around the warm wet mouth that he pushed into. A light stubble grazed his chin as their faces met. He was kissing a man and he was never more aroused.
Kevin wanted to open his eyes and see who he was with- but on the most basic levels- he already knew. It had to be AJ. The smells and the familiarity all around him instantly triggered AJ in his mind. It was all so weird. Where the hell was this coming from? And why did he never want it to end? He wished he knew. But if he was kissing AJ- then AJ was kissing him back and he was doing it quite well. Their lips were so smooth and fit perfectly with one another. Their tongues wrapped around each other and rubbed gently inside their mouths. Kevin felt himself let a grunt escape from his throat as the hand of his unseen counterpart began to rub his cock through the silk pajamas. They ended the sweet kiss and Kevin finally lifted his eyelids.
He stared into AJs face and he smiled. He wasn't concerned anymore with whether or not it was right or wrong or strange or improper. He wanted to be with AJ. He felt his lips part again and a heavy breath leave through them. He couldn't say a word. His heart felt complete and his body was so warm with AJ. He couldn't think of anyplace more perfect than where he was right now.
The intense yellow light was slowly becoming a brilliant shade of orange as the sun disappeared into the fog. AJ's hand was massaging Kevin through his pants very slowly and making love to him with his sensual eyes. Kevin turned towards his fantasy man and stroked his smooth chest. He wished he had a muscular physique like this... but then again, no one ever complained about the way he looked.
AJ slipped his hand underneath the waistband of the smooth bottoms and moved his fingertips along Kevin's length. He licked his lips seductively and leaned in for another kiss. Kevin opened his mouth willingly and slid his tounge into AJ's mouth. Kevin lifted his left hand away from the beautiful chest and gripped the back of AJ's head- hoping that they never had to part from such ecstasy. He shivered in pleasure and grinded his hips into AJ's awaiting hand. He slowly jerked the shaft in rhythm with Kevin's movements. He moaned again and there was a low ringing sound emanating from behind him.
He kept his eyes closed and kissed AJ again, ignoring the sound. His right hand traveled down AJ's torso and rested against his abdomen. The ringing got louder and Kevin broke the kiss to make sure no one was watching them. He turned around and suddenly he found himself in the dark hotel room. He had woken up.
Kevin was sweating and he was most disoriented. He sat up and looked around. Everything appeared quite normal. There was no AJ here, though. He shook his head and layed back down. The ringing of the telephone startled him. So that was the sound that jolted him back into reality. He leaned over and picked up the receiver.
"Hello?"... he answered groggily. "Right... 9AM... Set up a wake up call. Thanks Jack." Kevin hung up the phone and pulled the blankets up around him. He was confused and lost and extremely alone. He stared ahead into the darkness and felt himself begin to cry.
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Lance threw the robe around his wet body and toweled down his legs. When he stood back up he saw his hair was literally flopping all over the place in his reflection in the mirror. He laughed and thought of himself as a Muppet. He quickly grabbed a comb from the sink and slicked his hair back. Hopefully it would dry quickly so that he didn't wake up looking like something in a horror film.
He opened the door of the bathroom and felt a chill coming from the rest of the vacant suite. His teeth chattered for a moment and then he regained control of his internal heat. He jogged in place for a moment and then ran across the room to his suitcase. He usually brought his sleeping clothes into the bathroom with him before showering but he had forgotten this time and he nearly received frostbite as a warning to never make that mistake again.
He pulled on a pair of green sweatpants and rubbed the arms of his robe up and down to alleviate the goose bumps that had formed. Then he walked over to the heater underneath the window and he adjusted the temperature. Hopefully it wouldn't take too long for the place to heat up. Lance grabbed a small black book from his dresser and jumped into the Queen sized bed that was waiting for him. It was customary for him to write once a week in his journal after a tour was completed. He took a pen with the hotel logo on the side from his night stand and opened to the next clean page:
Concert With The BackStreet Boys Went Well. No Regrets. No Complaints. Still No End To My Strange Dreams About Nick- But There Have Been Significant Changes. I Sent The Letter To Dad This Morning And They Will Hopefully Receive It By Christmas. I Wish I Could Be There With Them But I Must Be In Hawaii Soon With The Band. The Other Guys Are Going Home For A Few Days. I Envy That. End.
He closed the book and placed it down next to him on the bed. He had developed a strange short hand over the course of the years but he always knew what he was talking about. He slid his legs underneath the covers and fluffed his pillow. He finally settled in and began to warm up. It was nice to be able and sleep the next morning. He looked forward to much needed rest and he started quite quickly as he faded into the realm of dreams.
He breathed a sigh of relief as he strolled across a brisk hill top. There was a dazzling sun shower in progress and he felt the heavy droplets cascade across the sky and spray around him. A bright rainbow glimmered from the horizon in the distance to the shimmering lake he stood in front of. Lance smiled at the relaxed serene scene he involved himself in.
His vision was distorted for a moment as a quick object moved in front of his eyes. He tried to see what it was but he couldn't determine which way it was moving. Perhaps it was a beautiful wild bird that existed nowhere but inside his mind's eye. Then it happened again. He caught a glimpse of a purple shroud of sorts and the figure of the same mysterious woman who had appeared in his dreams before. She had delivered a strange message once before. She had said, "Meet Your Road." Lance never fully understood this term or what it applied to. Fortunately, there was no reason to believe that dreams meant anything. Or did they?
He spun around and faced the tall mountains. They too were a deep purple. There was no movement that he could see- but he was being distracted for some reason or another... "What do you want from me?" Lance called out. He thought it would be best to confront the situation than remain confused and distraught. There was no response from Mother Nature or from the woman. Lance turned back to the beautiful dream and stepped forward.
He was pushed back towards the mountains by some unseen force. He spun around and looked to see who was keeping him here- who was stopping his advances. The hill that he often had seen Nick on was no longer in sight... he knew he had to find another path for himself. But how could he do that without being able to move? In a split second, the woman was in front of him and her purple cloak was waving in the breeze. Lance was unable to speak as he looked into her plain and hypnotizing face.
"Reflect." She whispered. Lance saw a lightning bolt strike the mountain range and he immediately woke up. It was already morning and he was not in a cold sweat or shocked to have had such a strange dream. He did see, however, that he had pushed all of the blankets off of the bed at some point during the night. He sat up and rubbed his eyes. What did the woman mean this time?
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Madison Square Garden was filled again for the Sunday performance of The BackStreet Boys. By noon, the whole area was congested with fans who were badly imitating the group and screaming out their names as if they could be heard. Oak tag signs, T-shirts, magazines and posters were waved around wildly and cameras were poised at every angle to behold the group when they arrived. (Little did the fans know that the band entered using a different route.)
Nick looked into the mirror and realized his excersizes were improving. He never wanted to be the buff member of the group- but he also never wanted to appear scrawny either. Now everyone just thought he was on drugs and steroids. It was awful being famous and undergoing a change at the same time... speculation was often the key behind tabloid gossip. Though the one thing about rumors is that they were almost always true...
Kevin walked into the dressing room and placed a coffee cup down on the table. "I took the whole mug from the hotel restaurant... I didn't even think to ask for a styrofoam cup..." Kevin smiled. Nick shook his head in amusement.
"Just remember to bring it back. I don't want to be billed for stolen china or silverware this time, Kev." he joked. They both reclined in their chairs and sighed simultaneously. "Rough night?"
"Sleepless..." Kevin mumbled.
"I know the feeling. I was on the phone with Just- I mean... with so many people till 5 AM... I am surprised I am still standing."
Kevin noticed the mention of Justin Timberlake but decided to give his friend his privacy. After all, he wasn't one to start babbling about his own life. Dreams of AJ- who was bound to walk in at any moment and make everything tense. He took the last sip from the mug and stretched his arms out.
"I guess I could take a nap before the show..." Kevin laughed and yawned at the same time.
"We have rehearsal on the mainstage in fifteen minutes." Nick popped the bubble quickly and frowned. "I wouldn't mind a nap,though. Maybe if we convince the others to hide we can avoid singing and dancing!"
"Well, I haven't seen Howie or Brian yet today."
"Thats not too surprising now is it!" Nick rose from his chair and leaned down to begin some push-ups. "But I assure you that when we see them, we'll see them together."
The door opened and Brian entered- alone. Nick stopped mid-push-up and stared into space for a moment. "Or I could be wrong." He completed his thought.
"You all right Brian?" Kevin asked.
Brian was obviously not in his happiest mood. "Yeah I am all right. Do we have rehearsal soon?"
"I think in about 15 minutes, why?"
"I thought Howie would be here by now."
"Oh..." Kevin was shocked to hear that Brian didn't know where Howie was. They didn't like to imply the relationship that they all knew existed between the two of them but it was quite present and quite noticable. "I am sure he'll show up soon."
Nick continued his push-ups and thought about Justin. He really missed him. He wished he didn't but there was no escaping his emotions. Hopefully he would be able to talk to him soon- considering they were going to be apart over the holidays. He wondered a lot about what Justin thought about their whole situation together. It seemed important to both of them... but unfortunately there was no way besides telephone conversations to explore feelings. Hopefully that would change over time but for now, this was all they could work with.
The door opened again and Howie and AJ entered. There was an instant shudder from both Kevin and Brian. Nick noticed it immediately and stood up. He raised his eyebrows and looked to his four friends who were obviously holding in a lot of what they wanted to say. Tension was never something good before a show- but this type of tightness was not going to be resolved in an hour of discussion. Nick never wished he could be somewhere else with Justin more than at that moment.
"You guys are late- report to the stage!" Jack called into the room. Kevin grinned and walked past AJ and Howie very quickly. Howie turned his back to Brian and followed Kevin. AJ gestured to Nick and made his way onto the stage. Soon the room was empty, but the cold air of emotional fragility never let up.
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After the concert was over, the dressing room was a bit more tolerable. Brian and Howie had not communicated with each other on the stage, but fortunately it was not picked up by the hyper audience. Brian was too angry at Howie's attitude and neither said a word to each other. AJ had no idea that Kevin was uncomfortable being around him but his own experiences with seeing Kevin in a sexual vision of his own was slightly disconcerting. He was able to ignore the images and act naturally.
"Nice job, boys..." Jack walked into the room with a dark stain on his white dress shirt. "I spilt coffee all over myself trying to get through the crowd..." he explained after a moment. He unbuttoned the soaked Van Huessen shirt and opened his briefcase. Another one was neatly folded on the inside. He smiled to the other guys. "Always be prepared..." He discarded the first shirt and revealed a well-defined body to the band. He had a smooth, hairless chest and a muscular back. He pulled the clean shirt on and regained the position of their managers secretary.
There was a light ringing and Nick immediately recognized that it was his cell phone. He hated having this device, since it had proved to be a nuisance in the past- but it was sometimes nice to hear it go off. Its good to have someone care enough about you to call when you're nearly unreachable. He took the green phone from under his sweatshirt and activated it.
"Hello?"
Its Justin.
"Hey, how'd you know the concert was over?"
I have a spy there!
Nick laughed and walked away from the other guys. He wanted to be able to speak freely. "And where is this spy now?"
I've recalled him. How did it go?
"One concert is very much like the others. I wish you were here, though." Nick smiled sheepishly.
And why is that?
"The concerts are more fun with you."
We only had one of those!
"And it was the most fun I have had on stage in a really long time!" Nick stated. He slumped into a corner by the stairwell and sighed. "What are you up to?"
I just took a bath. I wanted to come and surprise you there, but I couldn't get past the security here. There is someone from my side in that very building with you.
Nick switched the phone to his other ear. "What do you mean?"
JC forgot his wallet somewhere in that dressing room last night. He went back to find it. That's how I knew you guys were done!
"Aren't you clever." Nick lowered his voice as he heard the other guys grow silent. He didn't want his private calls to be public knowledge. "So what's your plan for the evening?"
Talking on the phone with you, I hope!
"I can't think of anything I'd rather do."
The door to the dressing room opened again and JC stuck his head in. He smiled to the guys and closed the door behind him. "Hi... I didn't want to interrupt. I just have to look around for my wallet!" He grinned. The BSB greeted him lowly and went about their business.
"JC is here." Nick told Justin as he waved over to the N'Sync member.
Tell him I got his message that you were done performing.
"Justin says that he got your message."
"Good. Our security guards are capable of something!" JC called across the room. He laughed to himself as he looked around the shelves and couches that lined the walls. Nick ended his conversation with Justin:
"I'll beep you as soon as I can, okay?" He whispered. "All right... talk to you then... bye bye." Their conversations were becoming romantic slowly but surely- and they included a lot of sexual diatribe which got them both excited but uncertain as to if they'd ever get a chance to be together in the relationship they thought they wanted. It didn't matter now, though. They were too young to worry about it. Nick turned off the phone and walked over to JC.
"Can you find it?" He asked.
"I guess it could have fallen out in the limo... but we don't know the name of the driver who took care of us yesterday. It was someone new with the company. Oh well. I didn't have that much in there." JC shrugged. Nick nodded and slipped his phone into his pocket.
"Hey... could I talk to you about something?" JC lowered his voice and turned his back to the rest of the group. Nick had a look of confusion but accepted. "I went out to celebrate my vacation last night and I saw your friend Howie in a club." He explained.
"That's not like him, but I have heard he wanted some time alone. Why do you bring it up?" Nick asked.
"Well, he left with a friend of mine who happened to be with me."
"One of the members of N'Sync?"
"Oh no... just someone I know here in New York. His name is Xavier." JC's voice was in a whisper now. He stressed the fact that Howie was out with another guy. Apparently his friend Xavier was openly bisexual and since Howie left with him, JC was automatically curious. Nick, on the other hand, knew about Howie's relationship with Brian and felt very confused.
"Well, I guess Howie is aloud to do whatever he wants, right?" Nick answered back, in order to disuade any doubt.
"I guess so- and I have no problem with him liking guys- its just that I heard Howie was in a committed relationship already and I didn't want to break Xavier's heart or accuse Howie of being unfaithful without knowing more about it. So I wanted to ask you if you knew anything about this."
Nick didn't know where he could have heard about Howie's involvement with someone but that didn't matter. What did matter was the fact that Howie had cheated on Brian- or at least that was how it sounded. Nick gritted his teeth and chose to remain loyal to Howie above all. He was left with little choice.
"I don't know Howie's take on relationships, JC. I just sing in a band with him." He swallowed hard. He wished he didn't have to belittle his friendship with Howie by saying that they only sang together, but as far as he could see, that was all that Howie saw in it.
"Well, thanks anyway." JC nodded. "I hope I didn't put you on the spot."
Nick wanted to respond with, "Oh no not at all, you've enlightened me with the truth behind Howie and how reliable he is as a boyfriend and as a human being..." but instead he said, "Anytime."
JC walked back through the doors and searched around the hallway for his missing wallet. Nick glanced over to his friends who were preparing to leave and watched Howie's cold shouldering to his unsuspecting lover.
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Okay, I wanted to get all of that out rather quickly so some of the details were slimmed down and some of the conversations were sped up. I hope you don't mind. The next installment should be lots of fun and I hope you all read it. To get in touch with me for anything at all, just send an email. Kevin at BrwyDevil@aol.com. Thanks!