Hello young lovers, wherever you are. Welcome back! This newest chapter all takes place on the *NSync plane. Consider it an episode of The Real World- without the crazy bar fights. All of the events and characters are fictional and use basic fantasy as a foreground for storytelling. Enjoy and send any and all mail to Kevin at BrwyDevil@aol.com.
P.S- There was a typo in Chapter 15 which left out Nick Carter's mother's name. I apologize, Jane, I meant nothing by it.
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Running Thoughts Part Sixteen: "Travel Hopefully"
Her face appeared again. She was stolid. She was ominous. She was beautiful. She was blurred. Lance could only see her. But there was a difference. This time, he knew he was dreaming. He wouldn't have to wake up surprised this time.
The common hills where he had dreamed of Nick seemed darker in the shadows and brighter in the light. It was quite clearly meant to be surreal- or that was how he perceived it. He felt himself staring at her. She had no expression outside of staring back. It was eerie if not anything else.
Lance decided he had to talk to her- to see what was going on. "Who are you?" he asked her softly. There was no change. She just stood still as the hair around her head swayed in the breeze.
"I don't know what you want from me." He shook his head and searched her vacant mannerisms for some indication as to why she was haunting him in this way. Again, there was nothing. He longed for the pressuring images of Nick's toned body lounging just beyond his grasp. That may have been maddening, but at least he understood it.
He took a step closer to the woman. Her head tilted slightly and her vision readjusted to where he was standing. This alteration of expression gave Lance something to go on. At least he knew she was focusing on him. He sighed and looked right into her eyes.
There was suddenly a feeling of rushing wind and a sweet, lilting voice entered Lance's mind. "Time has no meaning here." Her mouth never moved but he knew the sounds were coming from her. He did not know what she meant.
"In this dream?" Lance asked her. "Time means nothing? What does that mean?" There was another silence. He remembered how he got her to respond the first time and he stared into her eyes again. They were constantly shifting colors.
"You will not leave here until you're ready." Her voice said.
Lance just looked at her. ~I'll never be able to leave my own dream?~ He thought. She nodded slowly and he finally realized she was in his mind as much as she was in his dream. He smiled to himself at the irony. What he didn't understand was why she was keeping him here (or if she even could). Was there some reason? Did she know something he didn't?
"You're not happy."
"What?"
She slowly closed her eyes and the dim background turned directly to black. Lance was confused now. What part of his consciousness was she here to represent?
Lance tried to look to the mysterious woman's eyes but they remained shut. "Not happy? What do you want me to do about it?"
"You will understand." The voice swirled around him.
Lance's eyes fluttered as an expression of intense concentration appeared across his face. Joey leaned back on the couch and smiled.
"You owe me ten bucks, Chris!" Joey called back to the aft section of the plane.
"No way!" Chris came rushing to the front and looked at Lance. "How does he do that?"
"I don't care how he does it..." Joey smiled. "But he's asleep less than ten minutes after we're in the air- so you owe me ten bucks!"
"I'd gladly pay him for the ability to sleep so quickly." Chris shook his head.
Lance had amazed everyone without his knowledge by being able to drift into sleep faster than anyone anywhere. Chris plopped down next to Joey and watched Lance on the other side of the plane. They were silent for a few moments.
JC walked past the doorway leading to the lounge and kept going. He ducked his head back inside and looked at the three silent friends. He noticed Lance was sleeping and whispered, "What's going on?"
"Lance is asleep." Chris answered without moving his head.
"So soon? You owe Joey ten bucks." JC grinned and moved back to the front of the plane where Justin was just hanging up the phone.
"On the phone already? You could have waited... The plane ride to Hawaii takes a long time." JC sat down in one of the revolving chairs near the observation window.
"I waited as long as I could..." Justin sighed and shut his eyes. "How long will we be up here?"
"I think its like 13 hours. I have no idea." JC watched the large clouds creep by. The low hum of the aircraft soothed his senses. "So how's Nick?"
Justin loved hearing the name. He just let his cheeks turn red as he smiled from ear to ear. "He's just fine. As a matter of fact- he's writing me a letter."
"Well isn't that romantic." JC laughed. "Maybe we should wake up Lance so we can all celebrate." He rolled his eyes.
Justin's eyes shot open and he looked to his watch. He stood up and rushed to the doorway. JC looked on in surprise. "Chris!" Justin called back, "Pay Joey!"
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The orange sun spread its majesty across the sky and enveloped the entire plane in a bright glow. It was setting very slowly and covered the earth with a multicolored display of nature and spectacle. Lance was still out cold but he'd be able to witness the beautiful scene on videotape as Chris recorded the end of the day out the window on his handheld camera.
"What do we have to eat around here?" Joey's voice exploded from the lounge. Justin, who was attempting to get sleep as well, sat up as Joey barreled in angrily. It was obvious that he had been drinking again.
"Check the kitchen, Joe. Then go to the bunk and relax, all right?" Justin calmly suggested.
"Don't tell me what to do."
JC came into the back and looked at them. He nodded to himself and approached Joey quietly. "What are you in the mood for?" he asked.
Joey flinched as JC spoke. He dropped his silver flask and cursed to himself. "I'm fuckin' hungry... we don't have shit on this thing."
"Tell me what you want, Joe."
He held his forehead and leaned over to get his drink. He stumbled slightly and grabbed the chair to steady himself. "Peanuts... somethin'..." he mumbled.
Justin looked over to JC. How ironic. He craved peanuts on a plane- and they didn't have any. The cabinets were usually well stocked but now and again, the little things were left out. There was no reason to be self indulgent- but Joey didn't have that viewpoint after drinking a little too much. He wanted what he wanted. Fortunately he didn't have access to a door or he'd decompress the aircraft in search of Planter's cashews.
All the rest of the group had gotten used to this side of Joe. They didn't know how to approach it. They didn't know how to handle it. They were superstars- was it in their power to limit one of their own due to something that no one had control over?
Joey lost his balance and landed on his side on the floor. He grunted to himself and began to laugh. "Are we crashing?" he chuckled.
"Something like that." Justin said under his breath as he grabbed a shirt and hopped off of the couch. He kneeled down next to Joey and smiled with him, feigning encouragement. He took the flask away from his hand and tossed it to JC. The great orange light was slowly fading to black as the sun disappeared over the distant horizon. Artificial light took over in the cabin.
"I'm just hungry." Joe groaned. He sat himself up after several attempts and held his head in his hands. No one liked dealing with this side of his personality. It was self destructive, cruel, unstoppable, irrational and far too frequently portrayed. JC wished he could just stop Joe from drinking all together. The one time he had tried that, though, he nearly got his skull smashed open. Violence was the most common response to Joey's moods while drunk.
Justin knew he had to humor him. It worked for a few minutes anyway. Joe was soon looking for his flask again and his voice was getting louder. He got himself standing and Justin tried to calm him down. "Get out of my way!" Joe shouted. His eyes were fiery and his commonly flamboyant hair was flattened down.
He suddenly shoved JC who dropped the silver bottle to the floor. "Don't... Don't touch my stuff!" He drew back his fist to strike JC but saw Chris standing at the end of the corridor with his camera rolling. He cursed under his breath and lumbered into one of the bunks, slamming the door behind him.
Chris turned off the camera and looked at JC who was not moving at all. "Déjà vu, eh, JC?" Chris' face was very serious and foreboding. Lance, who was drowsily awakening, and getting his bearings to reality, looked over to Chris.
"What's going on?"
"Joey's plastered." He said gruffly.
"You owe me ten bucks."
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The pot of coffee made its way around the lounge and emptied into Chris' mug. The deep black windows surrounded the four boys and the dim lights from around the room glowed individually. Joey had silently drank himself into unconsciousness. They were all grateful that he would be quiet for a while.
"How long are we going to avoid talking about this?" Chris sipped his black beverage grimly.
"There's nothing to say." JC shot back.
Everyone looked at him and considered his response with silent speculation. Joe had always seemed to take his frustration out on JC. Why would he be so nondescript about the situation?
"Joey needs help."Lance yawned.
"This isn't an afterschool special, ok?" JC gulped down some coffee. "If he thinks he needs help, then he can go for it himself."
"You know more than any of us that he won't remember any of this when he wakes up, JC." Justin stated. "He won't get help when he thinks he's fine."
"Well we can't blame him for that logic." Chris rolled his eyes.
"Its an age-old story, guys. I can't think of any way to stop this." Lance shrugged and ran his hand through his floppy hair.
"Talking to him while he's sober couldn't hurt." Chris stood up and began brewing more coffee- this time a french vanilla blend.
"Listen, we all have vices, okay? Leave it alone for now." JC clearly stated.
"He's struck you twice already, man." Justin pointed out as he laid out on the floor. "You're the last one to be defending him."
"Let's just say I understand him. Drinking to excess is stupid- even Joey knows that." JC spoke in retrospective monotone. "Its been going on for a while- but it can still die down. Like a phase."
"I don't think it will unless we step in." Chris downed his mug.
They were all quiet again. Justin began tapping on his cup as the others slowly let fatigue set into them. It was not particularly late but they had been on the plane for a rather long stretch.
Each of them felt a great deal of concern for their friend and bandmate. He had provided great amounts of laughs and insightful advice to them all in the past. Could they merely accept the flaw he was showing off here or was it their place to take action to help him? No one knew the response.
Chris felt it deep inside that he needed to aid Joey. They had been close friends for a long time and been through a lot. They were the only two who presently knew about the recent stalker incidents and relied on each other for a lot. Chris was strong enough to convince Joe but not enough to break him without the others.
Lance had his own dramas to worry about. He barely felt like he was even among them. The words of his female spectre rang true. The world and people around him seemed hazy and nearly unreal. He cared for Joey, of course, but he lacked the focus right now to do anything about it.
Justin saw that his life was going too well for everything to be in harmony. He had chosen to ignore Joe's problem. He had seen it develop over the course of their tours and his friend's hotel minibar raids. He didn't want to blame himself for the spiraling decline but he did seem to house a spark of guilt. That would do him no good, though. He could cover that up too, if need be. Guilt. He agreed with Chris but all he could think about was being with Nick again.
JC finished his coffee and poured milk into the empty cup. He could very well hate Joe. He could have said, "Enough is enough" and filed a complaint or poisoned his food or something... But he wasn't going to bother. He was never going to. He had seen alcoholism before... He was glad that Joey wasn't taking it out on anyone smaller or helpless. The bruises he got would always heal- especially when he knew he was taking the place of someone who couldn't fight back.
Chris began fiddling with his camcorder and began looking out into the black sky. "Storms ahead, me mates." he grumbled. Lance leaned toward the window and watched the dark grey clouds swirling past dimly. It was one of his worst nightmares to be in a plane crash. Weather difficulties weren't giving him any confidences.
"How much longer until Hawaii?" Lance swallowed. A streak of lightning illuminated the outer hull of the plane and everyone got a little startled. "Does anyone know?" Lance was edgy. They were told that they might encounter rough conditions, but they were hoping it wouldn't come to pass.
"Don't sweat it,Lancey..." JC put on a sympathetic grin (though he too felt some panic). "We'll go above the worst of it and land soon..."
Chris focused his camera on JC and announced in a fake narrator's voice, "And those were the last words spoken before the explosion of flight 666! Dum duum Doom!"
Justin put his hand in front of the lens and shook his head. "Cut it out. That isn't going to help..." Another blast of lightning inverted the light around them and brightened the darkness and silhouetted the light. There was a pause of complete blackout and a few red lights flickered on. The speakers clicked on.
"We got a power surge, boys- but there's nothing to worry about. Our systems are regulating. You might lose some light but it'll all be fine." The pilot explained. "Relax and we'll keep you informed."
Lance was gritting his teeth and clenching his fists. He wished he could be back in his dream. Intuitively he knew he had never left... he constantly saw the face of his woman. He had been awakened for some reason. He must have been needed here.
"Please shut off the camera,Chris- I'd rather not have a record of our version of the three-hour-tour." JC poured the cold coffee into his cup. He smacked the top of the coffee maker for power but failed to get a response. "This is why I demand everything runs on Duracel..."
The blurry red light was slowly giving Justin a headache. He began to do some stretches as he laid back. He shut his eyes and blocked out the stress. If he had enough room to do a few somersaults, he would have tried it. That always helped him remain calm. Fortunately he wasn't very concerned with this flight. Technology amazed him. He knew they'd be fine.
Chris put the camera bag away and walked close to the corridor that led to the bunks. He listened for any sign of life from Joey's cabin. He was grateful to know that his friend was sleeping off the brunt of his disorder.
There was a sharp jolt to the plane that sent everyone off balance. Justin slid towards the wall and Chris slammed into the doorway. JC steadied himself and looked to make sure Lance was all right. At least there was no vomiting yet. The storm clouds outside grew thicker and more brutal. They felt the aircraft accelerate under the deckplates.
The copilot, Jeff, stepped into the aft lounge and gave a soothing smile. "Sorry about the bumps... We don't make the wind. Everything okay back here?"
"I'd rather know that everything's okay up there." Chris stood up.
"There's no reason to be worried, yet." Jeff responded. It was the word 'yet' that lingered. "Navigating these storm patterns can get tricky- but we'll be in Hawaii in no time. I recommend you try sleeping through it."
"Just don't take that advice yourself." Justin smiled to the pilot. He tipped his hat and made his way back to the cockpit. A few lights returned.
Heavy water droplets cascaded across the thick glass surrounding the luxurious craft. They were passing through the clouds that formed the rain and ice. It was pummeling them- but not enough to cause treacherous damage. Justin stood at the observation port and watched nature in action. *NSync had flown all over the world. He could trust this plane and the ones in charge of it. But how were the forces of the universe feeling towards that? Was there an air of predestination here? Was fate about to play its hand?
"How about some poker, lads?" JC called out.
Perhaps fate could be bluffed for now. Justin joined his friends- but made sure to face the window in case there was something in the rain he was meant to see. He entered his ante.
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They had been tossed across the sky. They had escaped tumultuous wind tunnels and pressurizing clouds. They had also all fallen asleep. Playing cards could only entertain them for a little while before losing its steam. Especially when you could only bet pretzels and water bottles.
Lance was the first to drift away, mumbling something about his phantom mistress. It was unfortunate too, because he had a full house.
Justin slowly sat up, an ace of hearts sticking to his cheek. It toppled down to the floor as he rubbed his left eye and yawned. He nearly forgot he was still on the plane. He didn't hear the rumbling of the clouds or the groaning of the engine. He looked up and saw that they were no longer deep within a dangerous storm. The dark grey clouds sank beneath the plane and a blue and yellow sky stretched out in front of them. They rose above the whirlwinds. A red sun gleamed lower than the plane and seemed to be sleeping as well.
It was almost hard to believe that such a violent melee was occurring less than a hundred feet below them. Justin stood up and crossed over to the port, making sure not to trip over JC's slumbering body. Nick had told him once about the beautiful scenes he witnessed by himself in early morning vistas. Perhaps he was being inspired by his new boyfriend without even being near him. If only he could rouse Chris and get this on film... but he was content to watch alone. It made him feel closer to himself- and surprisingly closer to understanding what Nick meant.
How many people could say that they saw this picture on this morning? It was unique. He was seeing it and he would be able to share the experience through his mind's eye. Words would escape him when he attempted describing this later but for now it was breathtaking- and that was enough.
While looking out, he remembered a lesson he had learned once from JC. Back before they had made it big, each of them held petty little jobs just to keep some cash flow in their lives. JC was a waiter in a catering hall for a short time. He used to put up with angry patrons and picky attendants every weekend. After they left and the last song was spun, his work was still not done. He would have to set up for the next occasion no matter how late the party let out.
JC had told Justin about one table... It remained in the storage room next to the tallest stacks of chairs. Whenever the floor plan called for a new table, he used to pick this one up and lug it from the back room, through the kitchen, down the most tightest angles and into the party space. By the time he got it in there, he realized the rear legs were broken.
This wouldn't have meant anything, except JC didn't only do it once or twice but he did it almost every time. It was actually a joking matter by the time he quit. The owners of the hall could have discarded the old damaged table but instead, it lingered in the back and was mistaken for a usable material over and over again. Carrying the bulky piece of garbage could have been avoided had it not been amongst the functioning tables. But the whole experience was yet another metaphor for life.
Justin considered the table and how some people could feel as if they were castaways. Lifted up and dragged about only to be stuffed in the same place again. That dance, though, was important. The cycle of interest, travel, trial and rejection repeated in many walks of life and always set you back in a state of disarray. Into that back room. You may feel broken but you get back from it. Justin thought of his exboyfriend. The tiresome groupie who fell in love with the glamour and pomp of stardom. He missed him. He knew it was an unhealthy, unstable, and unworthy relationship but it did help him to appreciate himself.
The endless sky in front of him dazzled across the color spectrum and seemed to be performing for him. Performing in a voice that would put their talents to shame. He felt the beauty of nature and the spirit of the very moment actually living inside of his body. The cycle led to wonders such as this- even if you have to trip to achieve it. Justin put his palm up against the glass- wishing he could actually touch the magical powers before him. The plane entered a wide, thick cluster of clouds and the brilliant shades disappeared.
His eyes remained transfixed on the sky and then he pulled himself back inside. The calm, serene lounge came into focus. His sleeping friends all seemed so peaceful and controlled. He loved these guys... but probably not enough to let them in on his little secret affair with Nick. Not just yet anyway. He looked at JC and smiled. He was most comfortable around him. The twisting cycle of life had affected them all in ways that would be with them for the rest of their lives. And Justin knew that JC would always be there to pick him back up- just like the table that was surely still stacked neatly with the chairs in that cozy back room.
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"We're coming up on our arrival time fellas..." Jeff's voice announced. "You'll have quite a welcoming party to deal with, so get yourself composed. I'd say you have about twenty more minutes."
Chris put down the cardboard envelope that held elevator stills from the Marriot hotel and took a coin from his pocket. He looked at JC who reluctantly nodded.
"Tails!" JC called out quickly as Chris flipped the coin. The quarter sailed back down and Chris caught it expertly. He turned it over onto his arm and looked under his palm.
"Its heads. You lose, JC." Chris laughed.
"Why do we have to wake Joey up at all. Maybe the press won't notice if its just four of us." JC whined.
"Sore loser!"
"No,I'm not- but if he's got a nasty hangover, I will be the one to get sore."
"Good point." Chris rose. "I'll wake him. You can try to smack some life into Lance..."
JC leaned back and stretched his legs across the couch. He looked over to Lance. "Why has he been so exhausted? He doesn't do anymore than the rest of us..."
"He'd get tired if all he had to do was sleep... Its the way he is. I admire his tenacity." Chris made his way down the hallway to where Joe had closed himself up.
"Justin- are you all right?" JC stood up and looked to the boy sitting by the window.
"Oh yeah, I'm fine. I'm just thinking..."
"Anything you need assistance with?"
Justin shook his head as he thought. "I don't think so. I'm just wondering how I got so lucky."
JC smiled. "Its always good to have that realization. I say praise the maker and try not to take it for granted."
"Are you happy, JC?"
There was a long pause as they stared at each other. JC inhaled and said, "As long as I don't have to worry about you."
"But are you, yourself,happy?"
JC sat back down and looked at his hands for a moment. He opened his mouth to speak and Joey entered the room. Attention switched over to him. He looked very ragged and discombobulated. The bags under his eyes were dark and heavy. A pair of blue sunglasses were tucked securely in his shirt pocket. They would be used to also hide the bloodshot boundaries around his pupils.
"Hey guys," he nodded roughly. "I guess I didn't get over my fear of flying yet again." He laughed to himself and moaned as he sat down. The other four looked to each other knowingly and let it slide once more. Lance sat up with a startle and stared at the ceiling.
"Morning, sunshine." Chris grinned.
Lance looked over to Chris and got his bearings. He looked a bit bewildered, but not totally aloof. He turned and saw JC standing by Justin. The memory of his last vision slowly sank behind his mind. The faces looked familiar finally. He saw what he had to see.
"We'll be setting down soon, you might as well get dressed." Chris suggested. Lance smiled and rubbed his temples.
"Its so beautiful." Justin marveled as he surveyed the crystal clear waters and undisturbed sand banks below. The hills and coral reefs in the distance outlined a picturesque postcard of tropical wonderment. "Aren't we having a photo-shoot on those beaches?"
"Probably." JC chuckled. "Why would a magazine want to pass up a chance to snap those shots...'*NSync can't sink- the Hawaii files'..."
"Well I want copies of them all. The nature down here is amazing... Nick would really love it."
JC licked his lips and shook his head in agreement. No one else had had this effect on his friend and he was certainly glad he was seeing it happen to Justin. No one else really deserved it more.
The speaker system crackled to life again and the pilot's voice entered. "We'd like you to be seated as he make our approach. Its safer and we wouldn't want anything to happen to you!"
Justin took one more look out of the window as he made his way back to the couch. These planes did have their perks... He was looking forward to this experience and the performance he was getting the opportunity to participate in. He buckled himself safely down and watched Joey wane into and out of sleep. That problem was one they were all going to have to deal with some other time. Hopefully it wouldn't get in the way.
The airplane hit the ground and everyone breathed a sigh of relief. They were back on the ground and no longer puppets in the sky, much like the ones in their concerts. They would be going out and meeting with the public shortly. Justin couldn't wait... but he was more looking forward to getting back to the continental states and seeing Nick again. That was surely worth being happy about. So many possibilities.
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Well its not a climactic ending to a chapter but the next one occurs one month later, so I saw it necessary to move it along with a sense of hope than distress. Suspense can only carry us so far! Send all mail to Kevin at BrwyDevil@aol.com and thanks for being patient!