Running Thoughts

Why if it isn't my favorite number! 17! I don't know why- it just always has been. That doesn't guarantee that this will be a favorite chapter, but we'll see what we can do. This takes place one month after the last segment. This is fictional and all characters, celebrities, events and mentionables are respectfully written from my own experiences and imagination. Contact or mail me at BrwyDevil@AOL.com. Kevin

Running Thoughts Part Seventeen: "Every Day A Little Death"

ONE MONTH LATER

The Florida coastline was dotted with tiny distant boats and puffy bright clouds. It was a warm sunny afternoon that occasionally slumbered inside a wafting cool breeze. The black tar that made up the streets was not too hot and it was the perfect day to be at the beach. But Howie and Brian were not.

They were very glad to be back in their own apartment. The stress and pressure of their trip to New York had been left behind them. The issues were not completely resolved, but they had been placed on a backburner. Brian was not the type to let major problems lie for very long, but he trusted that his boyfriend would be able to take charge of his own life and get the relationship back in focus.

Living together was very helpful in spending romantic time together and working out any living difficulties. Having Kevin living in the same place helped them hide the rumors of sexuality as well- despite the fact that they just so happened to be true. Hiding it from Kevin was the hard part... They knew he must have had some inklings regarding the arrangements and arguments but so long as it wasn't scowled upon or spelled out to them that it was forbidden under the roof, they were content.

They were lucky to have found a nice space for themselves that was secluded enough from the public yet close enough to society. It was an ideal location. The bathroom was presently dimmed and scented with a stem of strawberry incense. A single candle was placed on the vanity next to the sink and a tape of Bach's classical conciertos lightly escelated around, ceramic tiled walls.

Brian turned the warm water on and let the tub begin to fill up. He dropped a few gel cubes into the stream of water and watched bubbles slowly form. The colors that twinkled inside of each bubble mesmerized his eyes. He stepped back, closer to the door and let the candlelight direct itself closer to the tub. A wide spectrum of colors spread out across the suds. Brian smiled and drew his robe around him as a breeze passed by. The door had just opened. He turned back to the hallway where Howie was standing.

He only had a pair of black silk pajama pants on, which complimented his well defined body and darker hued skin. He had just recently shaved and his goatee was perfectly formed around his full face. He smiled at Brian. "We've never done this before..."

"Its always worth a shot, isn't it?"

"What if we don't fit?" Howie looked at the tub.

"Then we take turns..."Brian stepped over to his boyfriend and pulled him inside by the waistband of his pants. He shut the door quickly and the movement of air nearly blew out the single candle. The lock to the bathroom door had been broken during a game of house hockey (which was a long story) but the lovers simply hoped that Kevin would have good sense not to come inside. Besides, he wasn't even home at this time.

Brian wanted to talk to Howie about what had gone on during their New York escapade. The month that had passed since then had been romantically passionate and simply blissful. He had reservations about trusting Howie after seeing his outburst of insincerity, but hormones and love got in the way of his better judgements.

Howie had undergone a change and he honestly felt it. The strange visions he had experienced led him to the arms of the man he truly loved and needed. He knew he had made mistakes, but hopefully he would never have to face them again. Everything was how he wanted it now... nothing about the past could help matters.

The dim light in the room set parts of their faces in shadows. Brian looked meek and timid as he lowered his eyes. Howie took him in his arms and hugged him. They rocked slowly and Brian put his hand on Howie's chest to feel the heartbeat. The first Bach selection ended and the room filled with silence.

"Oh- let me turn off the water..." Brian said softly. He turned around and twisted the handle down. Howie hugged him from behind and breathed on Brian's neck. They caught each other in the mirror and smiled. It was always perfect to see each other side by side. They were not necessarily a couple that anyone would have picked right away- but surprising everyone was lots of fun. At least in their imagination.

"Do we want to try this then?" Howie gestured to the bathtub as he ran his hand under Brian's robe and rubbed his hand along the left leg.

Brian returned the gesture by running his left index finger under Howie's waistline. "Sure, why not. Experimentation is half the fun."

"And what's the other half?"

"Ummm- bragging about it,I guess."

"Who are you going to brag to?" Howie kissed up Brian's neck and let his lips tingle the skin slightly before moving on.

"Well I don't have to kiss and tell if you don't want me to..." Brian arched his neck and gave Howie more access as his hand entered the smooth silk pants and caressed the skin within. He ran his hand very lightly down the left side of his leg.

Howie opened Brian's robe and smiled as their naked chests drew closer to each other. They pulled their heads apart and stared into their lover's eyes. Brian quickly leaned forward and kissed Howie. Their lips firmly connected. Brian brought his hand around to the front of the silk pants and brushed his fingertips along Howie's expanding penis. Their tongues waged a war of passion between their hot mouths as their bodies pressed against each other.

Their hands made their way to each others waists. They slowly and rythmically stroked the erect cocks that protruded from their bodies. The kiss ended and they breathed heavily into each other. Their eyes disconnected and looked down to admire each others size.

They often paused in their sessions of lovemaking to focus on the perfect shape and size of each other. Their love overpowered their lust. Just having a penis wasn't enough. They loved every inch of their partner. Brian let his hands stroke the abdomen and hairless path to Howie's package. He took the pants off. Their bare skin making contact sent shivers through them both.

Howie felt Brian's pecs and shut his eyes to take in the scene. He took a moment and then put his hands over his lovers. He stepped in front of the tub and stepped into the steamy water. The temperature was a little too hot but he got used to it and brought his other leg in as well. He slowly lowered himself down and immersed himself in the semi-bubbly tub.

Brian turned the music down a little bit and checked the incense. He snuffed it out and let the odor linger as the steady smoke stream drifted up into the air. He moved Howie's pants and his robe behind the door and turned back to see Howie playing with the soap as a little boat. He smiled.

"You're so cute."

Howie acted coquettishly and hid behind a washcloth. Brian stepped over to the edge of the tub and stepped in between Howie's legs. His leg muscle tensed at the heat. He made sure he had enough room and brought his left leg in. He looked down at Howie, sitting in the water below. The dim shadows made him look very sensual.

Brian slowly lowered his naked body into the water but was slowly stopped by Howie's hands which ran up his thighs. They directed his body at the waist to sit on the edge. Howie sat up and his body dripped down into the pool. He took a handful of bubbles and spread the warm fluid up Brian's legs. His slippery hand made its way to his lovers third leg. He jerked it slowly and looked at Brian's eyes which stared back with breathless vulnerability. The hand rubbed every sensitive line on the shaft and pulled at the head very smoothly. Howie moved his head between Brian's legs and licked his lips. His tongue lightly made contact with the tip. Brian spread his legs a little more. The bubbles, glittering in the candlelight, wavered around them.

Howie's hands continued to pulse around the hard cock and increased speed as his tongue moved down its length. He made eye contact again with his boyfriend whose eyes immediately shut with pleasurable overload. Brian's hands massaged Howie's neck and shoulders as he prayed to enter the hot mouth at his waist.

Finally, with his eyes closed, he felt the new texture of his dick entering into Howie's mouth. The warm, wet tongue running towards the base as two-thirds of him disappeared into the opening. Howie had never been able to get the whole thing down, but Bri would never have it any other way. He felt his hips start to buckle as Howie's head drew back, his lips being dragged along. The sensations in his dick caused him to moan and his breath to shorten. He never got tired of this. How could you?

He felt the tongue zigzagging down the shaft again and quickly back to the head. He was devoured once more- nearly all the way- and he shivered, his hands gripping at Howie's neck. He moaned louder still. The hand began to jerk in rhythm with Howie's bobbing head. The motion of the water shifted with their excited bodies. Brian's hand found its way to Howie's dick underwater and he jerked it in sync.

Time stopped. He released with a verbal explosion and lifted his hips up from the tub. Howie's hands continued stroking as he swallowed and rubbed Brian's bare back. The climax subsided, but Brian's breath seemed to echo around them. The Bach music had ended. That's a powerful orgasm.

Howie leaned back in the water and sighed. Brian remained motionless but soon opened his eyes and visually thanked his lover. He slid into the warm water and felt Howie's hard member against his leg. They barely both fit. "Well- it was worth a shot!" Howie groaned as he attempted to make them both comfortable.

They fell into silence. This was beautiful- despite the fact that it didn't work. Sharing this intimacy and sex was so comforting. Brian opened his mouth to speak but there was suddenly a sound on the door. His eyes shot open and he looked at Howie. They didn't know what to do. Kevin must have come home. The timing could have been worse. Like during the intense blowjob, for instance.

Brian stood up and let his soaking body drip to the tub. He stepped out and grabbed a towel. Maybe he could escape.

Howie looked to Brian for some signal as to what they could do. Brian finally ran behind the door and picked up his robe. The bathroom door suddenly opened and Kevin stood there in shock. He didn't see Brian on the other side.

"Woah-man!" He turned around. "I didn't know you were home! Why are the lights out?" Brian remained behind the door in silence. His wet body shivered as the outside air rushed in.

"I like relaxing in the tub..."Howie answered quickly.

"Could I get some aspirin,man? I just saw one of the worst movies."

"Yeah sure."

Kevin stepped inside and averted his eyes. He opened the medicine chest and picked up the bottle of aspirin and turned back to Howie. "Do you relax in candlelight often?"

"Its very soothing."

"And...strawberry?" He sniffed.

"Its incense."

"Ah."

"Yes."

They stood in silence. Brian's teeth nearly began chatting. Kevin smiled. "I am surely glad its a bubble bath, How. If it wasn't- I'd really be intruding."

"Yes, lucky for us all. Don't worry about it." Howie nodded almost impatiently.

Kevin walked back to the door and Brian crouched closer to the tile. "Hey- do you know if Brian's gonna be around for dinner?"

"Oh I think he'll be around."

Kevin nodded and left, shutting the door behind him. Howie looked at Brian grimacing in the corner.

They stayed silent until they were relatively sure Kevin was out of earshot. "That was close."

"It was funny!" Howie chuckled as he hopped out of the tub.

"Would have been funnier if you were freezing in the corner!"

"What do we do now?" The two boys cuddled up together in one towel.

"Well... we'll have to sneak to the bedroom, I guess. If we're caught, we'll just have to tell him. What's the worst that could happen?"

"Do you want me to answer that?"

They kissed each other and the towel fell to the floor. They used each others warmth and felt each others closeness. Brian broke the embrace and picked up his robe.

"We're getting a new lock for this door."

"I couldn't agree more."

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"What a month!" Joey leaned back.

"No regrets?" Chris smiled as he looked through his sheet music.

"Not a one."

"We're all set." He announced as he found the new song in his manilla envelope.

"I really must confess, I feel a lot less stress. Could it be our stalker's gone away?" Joey sang his feelings to one of his songs. Chris smiled. He put his knapsack down as he looked through his papers.

It was true, though. One month had passed and there had been no more threats. There had been a buildup and then the whole issue just dropped. It was peculiar but they didn't complain. The stalker seemed to be on vacation if they were lucky, she or he had found another person to follow and bother.

Even a case as uncommon as this in life had a logical flow. Not many people can say that they have actually had someone follow them around and secretly drop messages. But those who have seen it realize that human failures can be beneficial when they halt an imposing incident.

Joey and Chris didn't know what had happened to stop their intimidating shadow but they also didn't care... It was all so foolish. But that was life. You can always be frightened by the scary pile of clothes that resembles a man-eating people-eater in the corner. Just make sure you never encounter a wolf in sheep's clothing.

The release of their new album had given them a lot to do. Radio shows, autograph sessions, interviews, photo spreads and relaxation from the time-consuming tour schedule they were used to. Even if the stalker had still been around, they wouldn't have had time to worry. Maybe the stalker knew that...

"The high harmony sounds great- just not when I try to do it..." Lance entered and picked his music up.

"Bass is bass." Chris grinned. Joey ignored his predictable humor but laughed inwardly. Getting used to Chris was easy. Encouraging him was another story.

Lance sat down on the floor of the recording studio and studied the song. The tinges of blue in his hair reflected off the light. Chris threw down his manilla envelopes and joined Lance. Joey cupped his ear and hummed the melody to himself.

"Where's Justin?" Chris rolled his neck.

"I don't know... is he ever on time?"

"I'm usually too late to realize."

Chris opened his envelope and pulled out the contents. He was expecting to find the new music but instead, he was looking at several photos of elevator passengers. His eyes went wide and he attempted to put them out of sight right away.

"What's that?" Lance had seen them. Chris decided to think fast and cover it up. He opened his mouth.

"Uhhhhhh..." was all he managed to get out.

"Those the new publicity shots?" Lance scooted over towards Chris, who drew back further.

"No, no- they're sending those out next week."

"What've you got there, then?" Lance sat Indian style next to Chris and poked at the envelope. Joey had overheard and stopped singing. He stepped over and looked to see what Chris had to say. It had been an entire month. Thirty days. Would there be any harm in telling the other guys?

"Just some project I'm working on."

"Are you always busy?" Lance smiled.

"If I'm not singing, I'm working on something else..."Chris shot a nervous smile. He had put it off this long-talking about it wasn't on his to-do list.

"Well let me take a look." The group had always been open and honest with each other. For the most part, Chris had no choice but to cover it up...or tell the truth.

He loosened his grip and let Lance take the pictures away from him. Lance looked through them gleefully until about the sixth one. "What is this anyway?"

"Elevator passengers at the Marriot." Chris offhandedly mentioned,while looking for the response in his expression.

"Why do you have thirty pictures of different people on Marriot elevators? What's our next music video about anyway?" Lance giggled but was obviously confused.

Joey moved over to them and leaned against the wall. His participation was purposefully masked. Chris was blank as a sheet of paper. His improvisational skills could have used a little brushing up. He gave into the pressure.

"Actually,I was seeing if I could find any familiar faces."

Lance just looked at him and then back to the pictures. "Why?"

"Uh,well...a few weeks back, I'd say six to eight weeks...yeah,like two months ago...we started getting threat notes and they resembled the style of our first stalker,so I got these pictures to see if anything rang a bell." Chris felt a lot better getting it off of his chest.

"Our first stalker? Why didn't you tell me?"

"We didn't want anyone to worry." Joey said as he stepped over to them.

"Only you two know?" Lance's brow was furrowed. Chris and Joey nodded. "I don't understand. That stalker was never found- we also never actually saw her..."

"I know but they returned a little while back and I thought I could find out if I'd seen them before."

"And Justin and JC?" Lance questioned.

"We'd rather not tell them unless its necessary." Joey squatted down to their level.

"Who's gonna decide when its necessary?" Lance shook his head defensively.

"Listen, we've been left alone for a month now. It could be a dead issue." Chris shoved the envelope back into his bag.

"I don't like having to keep secrets." Lance murmured.

"We did it for a good reason." Joey shrugged.

The door opened up and Justin and JC walked in. They both looked exhausted. They smiled politely and meandered over to the coffee maker in the mixing booth. It was going to be one of those days. Lance stood up and made sure everyone had their music. He nodded to Chris and Joey and waited for the band to arrive. As Justin and JC were in another area of the studio, Lance said, "Will you at least tell me if this situation comes up again?"

Joey and Chris looked at each other and shared a simultaneous exhale. Chris threw his arms up in the air and agreed. It wasn't the solution he wanted to come to but it was better than weighing him down. Joey ran his fingers through his hair and turned around, giving Chris a look of judgment. Chris stood in the center of the room by himself and looked around him. He couldn't speculate where this was going to wind up but he had a feeling it wasn't where he wanted...

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He rolled onto his back and yelled out in frustration. AJ ran his hand across his chest. Kim rubbed up close against him and put her hand to his cheek. She was young and attractive and surprisingly understanding in this circumstance.

"Don't worry- it happens to a lot of guys..." her voice was obviously disappointed. She was just glad to be with a famous boy band member.

AJ got out of the bed and pulled the comforter along with him. He wrapped it around himself and sighed. "It shouldn't happen to me!"

Kim pulled the sheet up around her. "You've got a lot of stress on your back, lover. We can just talk for a little while if you want."

AJ ignored her and wandered over to the window. He didn't know what was wrong with him. He could usually have sex at the drop of a hat. Any hat. He was trying to get the face of another girl out of his mind. It was one of his fans... She had just struck him while he was in a restaurant. She had politely asked him to sign their CD and then spoken to him honestly and openly for quite some time.

AJ didn't prefer the giggling fans that nearly attacked him after shows and in public. He didn't prefer the type of girl that was laying the bed at that very minute. This one that showed him what she was truly made of couldn't get out of his head. He was glad,too.

He didn't want to have any more confusing visions of Kevin again. AJ didn't know where those had sprouted from but this woman was predominant now. He had sat there and discussed the most trivial of topics with her and never wanted it to end. She had walked him back to his hotel room at around three in the morning and AJ didn't even feel the urge to seduce her into his bed. She was different.

"Could I order calamari from room service? I've never done that before. I've always wanted to but I'm never in these hotels..." Kim droned on in a high-pitched voice. AJ just nodded aimlessly to get her to stop talking.

He wondered where that girl had gone. After their evening, he got her address and sent her flowers to tell her how much he had appreciated their conversations. He hadn't gotten a response from her, though. Maybe he wouldn't. She didn't need a celebrity to pine after her. She cared more about actual love and companionship than paparazzi and red carpets. She was a fan of the group but she was also independent.

Maybe AJ had fallen for her. He knew it seemed ridiculous. He met her once! What were the odds of getting knocked off your socks by someone after one night? Nevertheless, he couldn't get her out of his mind. He couldn't even have sex with this teeny bopping space cadet in the sheets. That had never happened to him before. He needed to focus and see what was happening to him.

A knock came on the door. AJ found himself back in the room as his turrent of thoughts subsided. Kim must have ordered room service. He realized he was only wearing a tan comforter so he wanted to check first. He walked to the door and asked, "Yeah? Who's there?"

"AJ?" A female voice whispered tentatively. "It's Lana. Do you remember me?"

It was her. He instantly smiled and unlocked the door. Then he realized Kim was sitting behind him attempting to leaf through the Bible. He swallowed quickly and moved to her.

"Kim... uh...get dressed!" He said to her urgently.

"Oh...are we done- or are starting over again?"

"Yes-yeah-yes...sorry it didn't work out!"

She shrugged. "Its not my fault you couldn't get it up."

AJ grit his teeth and ignored her as he threw his clothes at her. "AJ? Are you in there?" Lana's voice sounded sweet and concerned.

"Yeah, just hold on one second." He spoke through the door as he pulled on a pair of green sweatpants. Kim had gotten into her underwear but AJ still didn't know how he could get rid of her. He looked out the window as he rapidly dressed. ~Damn! If only we were on a lower floor...~ He picked up Kim, who yelped, and carried her into the bathroom. "Stay in here and get dressed already... I have to take care of something. And be quiet!" He shut the door and pulled on a tank top.

He opened the door and finally saw Lana again. She looked as lovely as she did the other night. She was tall with short red hair and bright blue eyes. Her sweet smile brightened the hallway. She was wearing a long grey coat and looked a little cold. AJ just watched her. She looked past him at the messy hotel room.

"Am I interrupting something?" She tilted her head slightly.

AJ shook his head slowly. "No. I was just thinking about you." A taller man stepped in behind Lana. It was one of the BSB bodyguards, Perry.

"Is everything all right, Mr.McLean?"

"Yeah. Better than ever, thanks." AJ nodded as he showed Lana into the room. Perry gave him a bemused look and AJ ignored him as he closed the door and asked, "What are you doing here?"

"I got your flowers... I didn't know how else to thank you but to come here."

"I didn't leave you my phone number." AJ realized and put his hand on his forehead. "I hope it wasn't a problem, coming here, I mean."

She touched his arm and giggled. "Of course not!" AJ felt his heart stop as they met. "I just hope I'm not in the way..."

"Never."

"I bet you say that to all the girls."

AJ honestly smiled. "I really don't." He then remembered he had a bimbo in his bathroom. "Ummm... do you wanna go get something to eat?"

Lana was surprised that he was asking her out. She nodded eagerly and her eyes lit up. AJ grinned and grabbed a pair of pants from the dresser. He walked over to the bathroom door. "I'll just get changed. Excuse me." He slid into the doorway slowly and shut it quickly.

"OK,Kim. I have to leave. You wait here ten minutes and then get yourself home, all right?"

"You're so my favorite,AJ." She twirled her hair.

"Yeah, you're my favorite too." He rushed as he changed his pants in front of her. "Will you be okay?"

"Sure."

"Good. Thanks for the lovely day... sorry it didn't work out."

There was a knock on the door and AJ nearly jumped up three floors. He put his hand up to Kim's mouth to make sure she stayed silent. "Yes?"

"Room service just showed up. If you ordered something, we can always stay here." Lana's voice came through.

AJ glared at the calamari lover at the end of his arm. He inhaled and said, "No,no...I'll save that for later. Tell him I'll be right out."

"Ok."

He checked himself in the mirror and patted Kim on the back. It was the first time he was leaving a girl while she was still awake- and unpleasured. He opened the door and came outside. The room service attendant smiled at him and bowed in acknowledgment. AJ fumbled for his wallet and paid the men handsomely.

There was another knock on the door. AJ sighed and opened it. Nick was standing on the other side.

"Are you having a party?" Nick looked at the three people and grinned.

AJ started thinking about the stateroom scene from "A Night At The Opera". This was a little more tense. Nick let the hotel worker pass by and then stepped inside. "Could I use your shower? I have no pressure in my room."

AJ was so flustered he just nodded and took Lana's hand. He grabbed the black blazer from the cubby next to the door and the two of them left. Lana was walking on air.

Nick started undressing and he began to sing to himself softly. He threw his pants over the arm of a chair and ran his hand through his soft blond hair. He walked over to the bathroom and stepped inside. There was a high scream from Nick followed by a moment of silence. Nick came out again. Kim followed after him and took the plate of squid off of the cart.

"You are so my favorite, Nick." She giggled and waited for a response. He turned around and went back into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

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Carpe Dium. Kevin had said that every day for months. It wasn't working, though. He couldn't seize his senses let alone anything else. Confusion was really the only sensation that pulsed through his body. He just didn't know what to do with himself. He was well aware of his feelings for AJ. He knew he cared about him and was attracted to him... He just didn't see how he could proceed. It was all played out in his own head but the variable of reality still stood in his way.

He began to feel like a third wheel around Howie and Brian, so Kevin had taken to going on long walks every night. It had followed him to New York and become a habit. At least it was a healthy addiction. Taking walks was much better than smoking or drinking- both of which he had fallen into as well from time to time. It was all he could think to do. Now that he was back in Florida, he wasn't sure which destination would be most private and secluded for his thoughts.

Kevin found himself on the south side of his town. The streets were less populated and barely appealing. The cracks in the sidewalk made it difficult to walk. He wasn't entirely sure what he was doing there, but it was a good a place as any. After a difficult patch of rubble, Kevin took a right turn and nearly tripped over a bundle by the curb.

It wasn't a bundle, though. It was a man- who instantly reacted to Kevin's interruption. "What the hell are you doing? Can't you watch where you're stepping?" He called out. Kevin moved back and let the homeless man rise. He was relatively tall and wore a trench coat that was well kept for the weather and experience it had survived through. He wore a dark grey suit- that had probably once been light grey- and looked as if his last haircut had been given to him by himself, with no mirror. Grey highlights streaked through the brown hair.

"I'm sorry. I didn't see you."

"I should hope not. If you had seen me and stepped on me anyway, I'd be even more pissed."

Kevin backed away and apologized again. The man brushed himself off and straightened his collar. He sat on a garbage can and flicked the dirt off of his loafers. Kevin watched him and was about to turn around and leave him alone when the fellow spoke. "You look perplexed."

Kevin heard an intelligence in the unfortunate soul in front of him. "Yeah...well, that's why I'm out here walking."

"To clear your mind?"

"Something like that." Kevin put his hands in his pockets and looked down the bleak street.

"My names Kay." the homeless stranger extended his groomed hand to the celebrity. Kevin took it after a moment. "No one ever really walks this way... I've gotten used to sprawling out on the cement. It does wonders for the back."

Kevin let curiosity get the better of him. "How long have you been on the streets?"

"On the streets?" Kay laughed heartily. "You make me sound like some pitiable worthless ragamuffin. Come now, sir... do I really look that bad?"

"I'm sorry, I-"

"Don't apologize." He raised his hand up. "In this light, anyone can look bad." He smiled. "But to answer your question, I lost all I had three years ago, I'd say."

"You've just hung around Florida for three years?"

"If people can retire here, why can't I stick around?" Kay tucked in the back of his shirt. "Besides, where else could I go?" He clasped his hands in front of him and sighed. It looked as if the street was as comfortable as his office in an upscale skyscraper. "Now, young lad, tell me what dire issues bring you to the dank south side?"

Kevin shook his head and wiped at his mouth nervously. "It's not anything to go into... I'm just feeling a little lost."

"Indulge me. I haven't seen a soap opera in a long time. I need a fix."

Kevin shook his head as he thought. This man really didn't deserve what he was going through. He seemed very level-headed and focused for someone who had no place to call his own. Most people who existed as he was for a long period of time went crazy. He seemed to be holding together well. He decided to vent.

"Let's just say I'm in love with someone who I can't tell."

Kay seemed to take in the sentence. He stroked his chin and smiled inwardly. It looked as if he had lived a similar scene in his own youth. He observed Kevin and ran his tongue along his teeth. "Well, you've seemed to have resolved it already." he shrugged.

Kevin looked at him again and shook his head. "I'm guessing you weren't a counselor or therapist before you got laid off."

"I just wanted to hear your troubles. You'd need to ask for advice, kid."

Kevin was getting a light headache. This strange man, who came from nowhere, was interested in his life and problems. Kevin couldn't even believe he was sharing this all with him- and to top it off, he had turned it around to make it seem as if Kevin was asking him for direction. For guidance.

"I think I'll handle it on my own." Kevin nodded and turned away.

"No... you misunderstood." Kay spoke up. "I'm merely telling you that you don't have to ask anyone for advice because you've already solved it all yourself."

"How did I do that?"

"By telling me you can't tell this person your feelings, you limit your actions. You can't get over it because you can't be honest."

Kevin put his hand on his face and sighed with his eyes shut. "You have no idea what the story is... Its not honesty or limitation- its right and wrong." Kevin grumbled. "Thanks for trying but this isn't a soap opera or a dime novel- its just life and the way it is."

"Life is a soap opera. There's no denying that reality." Kay took a tattered yellow necktie out of his pocket and smoothed it out. "If you can't vent frustration, you'll be doomed to wallow in it."

Kevin was seething and he was confused but this person seemed very wise. He wasn't in the mood to debate an issue he wasn't even sure he completely understood. "Fine, then tell me what you would do."

Kay smiled. "I'd tell the person exactly my wishes. What's the worst that could happen?"

"I could break up one of the most sensational friendships and talented bands that's existed in ten years."

Kay didn't understand- nor did he know who Kevin was. "Would getting it out into the open be the healthiest thing for you?"

Kevin nodded. He truly felt that it would. AJ had always been an understanding person. It could work out in the end. Maybe not the way Kevin could envision it but still better than it was now. "I'd need the right moment- and the right words."

"Those will come to you in time... and they'll come to you exactly when you need them." Kay began to loop the tie around his neck. "Nothing in life can be spelt out as clearly as we'd want. If that was the case, hardship would never befall us. Let yourself free and be open to mistakes. They mold the man you are. And the man I am."

A light rain formed around them. The drops seemed to completely miss Kay as he stood looking dapper in the street. He put his hands in his worn pockets and swayed in the breeze. "Regretting something you could have done isn't worth the pain. Bearing the pain of doing it might be. I'm not a sage. Just seasoned. You don't have to keep it in mind. You don't have to pay attention either." Kay moved to a stack of newspapers and took a hat off the top if it. He popped it onto his head and started down the street with a nod.

Kevin took it all in. Yes, it made sense- but things like this are much easier said than done. He knew he had to relieve this stress regarding AJ. He had been determined to talk it out before. Too many doubts overshadowed his conscious. Maybe this was the right way to go. He let the rain hit him and turned down the street. He had somewhere to get to. Kevin remembered that Kay had give him this confidence. He turned back to the street to find the old gentleman. But there was nothing left on the strip but a fine whisping mist.

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The limo pulled up and the doorman opened the door. Nick ran from the awning of the hotel into the long black car. Several fans cheered and chased after him, waving cameras and banners. They had been camping outside of the hotel for nearly a week. Fortunately the band wouldn't be in town much longer. The door shut and Nick breathed a sigh of relief. He had signed enough autographs to break his hand. He was so grateful to see a cluster of AJ fans moving away from the red carpet.

The teens attempted to see who was inside the vehicle, but got pushed away by security and hotel officials. The limo driver pulled away and the surrounding windows fell silent. Nick opened his eyes and saw Justin sitting across from him, in a grey suit with a silvery shirt on. He wore black sunglasses and lounged comfortably.

"You're a sight for sore eyes?" Nick said in a Humphrey Bogart voice.

"It hasn't been that long has it?"

"An hour is too long. How was Hawaii?" Nick found the switch on the control panel and raised the soundproof glass divider behind the driver.

Justin reacted to the privacy with a grin and leaned forward to grab his bottle of water. "It was hot... and muggy... and sandy..."

"Wasn't it beautiful?" Nick got himself more comfortable.

"I guess. After a few days, I just wanted to be back on the mainland. Water and bonfires can get so monotonous when you are missing someone." Justin took off his glasses and looked into Nick's eyes. He scooted his way over to the other side of the limo, next to his friend.

"Oh and who were you missing, pray tell?"

Justin's face turned. Nick was so close he could smell the intoxicating aftershave or cologne that made his knees melt. "Take one guess." Justin's face moved closer and then he suddenly pulled back and took another swig of water. He was such a tease. Nick loved it.

"So... why'd you want to see me today?"

"It was the first time we both had time off in a month. I jumped at the opportunity. You know I miss seeing you. Our nightly phone conversations are nice, but sometimes you need more." He explained as he patted his hand down on top of Nick's.

"Ain't that the truth. So where are we going?" Nick tried to look out the tinted windows but nothing around him seemed to look familiar. Big cities had the tendency to do that. Justin pretended to zip his mouth closed and turned away.

"I hate surprises."

"You love them."

"How would you know?"

"I am taking a guess." Justin leaned back on the leather seat and smiled. They both looked into each other. Being in person was so much nicer than dreaming about each other. Especially when they were the only thing on each other's mind. Justin nearly said Nick's name out loud during their concert in Hawaii. He had to stop himself from daydreaming about him during the photo shoots as well. "Don't worry. We're just getting a bite to eat. Its nothing fancy."

Nick couldn't break his eye contact with this angel seated beside him. He wished he could explain how much it meant to be so close to someone he admired and cared about so much. Not to mention lusted after. He finally swallowed and let his eyes wander. "I wish I could dress as good as you though." He grinned as his pointer finger traced their way up his lapel.

"Fashion is too much a part of this music industry now. People don't think we have talent because we are all representations of designers and never really given the freedom to be ourselves." Justin philosophized.

"But this is your free time. You still dress like that, don't you?"

"Hey... if someone gave you an eight hundred dollar suit, you'd make sure it saw the light of day."

Nick looked down at his own black sweater and blue jeans. He usually pulled off a more casual look. Justin had costumers that allowed him to explore every dimension of clothing. Nick had been so grateful to wear that tuxedo on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine. Dressing up gave him an extra thrill- despite whether or not he was uncomfortable or not.

Justin sat up and put his hand into his jacket pocket. He pulled out an envelope. "I wrote you a letter... I thought it was fair since you took time to write me one."

"I sounded so bad in that letter. I'm sorry."

"What are you talking about? It was perfect. Here." Justin extended his hand and Nick made it a point to touch Justin's hand as he took the envelope. Nick didn't mean to sound like he lacked confidence but he felt some kind of intimidation. They were both the young guns in their groups but he just saw Justin as having so much more going for him than in himself. Perhaps he was putting the boy on a higher pedestal than he should.

The limo stopped and Nick slipped the letter into his pocket. The driver stepped around and opened the door. The two climbed out and walked towards the entrance of a very well decorated bistro. It was an Italian place with bright lighting and yellow brick. Elaborate tree sculptures and fountains adorned the outside of the restaurant. Nick nodded in approval. "You have good taste."

"I did pick you." Justin smiled. He was surprised he even said that. Flirtation was one thing... that statement was something more. Nick looked at him again, positively beaming. They really never formalized their relationship because of their conflicting schedules and popularity. It would be too hard to be exclusive- though it was pretty obvious that they both wanted it.

After only a few seconds of entering the establishment, a good looking maitre'd stepped over to them and recognized Justin immediately. Their reservation was honored and they were sat in a secluded booth. Nick smiled as their waitress handed them menus and rushed back to her other tables.

"So how long have you been planning this little rendezvous?"

Justin took a sip of his water glass... his throat kept seeming dryer and dryer. He knew that he wanted a romantic dinner with Nick ever since their initial phone conversations. He wanted to tell him that. He just didn't know if it was too much too fast. Men in this generation had a way of shying away from commitment and responsibility. It was a weakness in the breed. Justin decided to take the plunge and say what he felt in his heart. "I like to consider it more of a date. If that's okay?"

Nick was speechless, of course. They had discussed things like this over the telephone but very briefly and usually in a joshing manner. He didn't know how happy he should be- or how much emotion he could actually show. He just moved his mouth, and no words came out. Eventually, he decided to just nod. ~God, I'm a goofball.~ He thought to himself.

Justin picked up on this vibe. "Stop acting so shocked. Do you have any idea how lucky I feel?"

"I just can't believe this... Just a few months ago I was so lost..."

"Well, I found you, so don't worry anymore. Just order something that will fill you up and make you happy."

Nick decided to ignore his urge to make the obvious perverted comment on that and looked down to his menu. He knew he wanted a chicken parmesan dish... he just wanted to check the prices first. He assumed Justin would be paying and he wouldn't feel right getting an expensive plate. A shadow cast itself over the table and both boys looked up to see Jack standing there with another guy that Nick had not seen before.

"Nick!" Jack smiled. "What are you doing here?"

Nick was surprised to see his manager's assistant at this place. He thought that it looked odd to be seated with Justin Timberlake, but then again, there was no reason to make excuses or be worried. They were just having a meal. Its a common occurrence, or so he had heard.

"Hey, Jack... how have you been, man?"

"Fine, fine. I didn't know you came here."

"This is my first time!" Nick grinned. "This is Justin... Justin, this is Jack." He introduced them and they shook hands immediately. "Who's your friend?"

Jack turned a shade of red and turned back to his dinner companion. "This is my friend Thomas... he's been at a few of our concerts... he is a professional lighting designer from London."

The game of greetings commenced again and everyone nodded and shook and smiled and bobbed. Thomas leaned over and whispered something to Jack. They both reacted and turned towards Justin. Apparently they just realized who it was. Usually response time was much quicker but they were so used to being around celebrities that it never occurred to them to be impressed.

"Oh! Timberlake... I never even realized you two had gotten so close after our concert." Jack laughed heartily to himself.

"Yes, yes... close." Justin winked at Nick seductively and licked his water glass out of the sight of others. Nick raised his eyebrows and bit his lower lip. He then crossed his legs to avoid the arrival of unwanted guests.

Jack looked back and forth between the two boys and the Italian gentleman stepped over to them and showed them to their table. Jack nodded and looked back and Nick. Thomas tipped his hat and followed the maitre'd. "I think its your hair that threw me off, Justin." Jack explained himself. "From across the room, I thought Harpo Marx had come back from the dead." He chuckled, knocked a few times on the table and joined his friend on the other side of the room.

Nick waited a few seconds before he spoke again. "Sorry about him. Its a small world. Too small."

"Harpo Marx? Is it that bad?" Justin put on the cutest face of disappointment and put his hand up to his curls.

"Don't change a thing. I love the Marx Brothers." Nick laughed.

They both closed their menus and placed their orders. Nick still had the thought of this being a date on his mind. He wasn't sure how to do anything like this. Justin had told him that he was involved with a guy before. This was all new to Nick. He was so excited and intrigued and scared and confused. He had barely been in relationships with women before. There were the occasional couple but nothing that made him feel this way. Justin was still self conscious about his hair.

Nick reached across the table and tousled the blondish locks. His hand caressed the back of Justin's neck and they looked at each other. For a moment, they didn't care who saw them. Being intimate and being able to touch each other like this felt so right. Their eyes met again. "I love... your hair." Nick said. "Its part of you. Don't change it because of what people say."

"I wouldn't dream of it." Justin nestled against Nick's hand.

They were sure to have a perfect meal and an even more perfect ride home. They were both determined not to let it go quickly. Incidentally, they were both more interested in being romantically involved than sexually involved. It was better for them. It was better for everyone in a lot of respects. No one was really ever ready to take on something this heavy but that was the point of experience. Innocent tactile contact sent shivers through them both... but it wasn't necessary to move any faster than that. Nick moved his hand away from Justin's neck and drew it back. Justin took it in his own hand and kissed it quickly.

They both smiled and sat back, just taking in the ambiance and lighting that perfectly framed each other. Neither of them felt as lucky as they did right then. They had found what they wanted. Each other. They couldn't tell from their expressions, but they both had a feeling that something seemed so right. They were young and these types of relationships never made it permanently, but perhaps fate was on their side. For once.

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Okay... thats 17. It took some time, but hopefully it was worth it! Send all comments and criticisms and all that jazz to BrwyDevil@aol.com. Best wishes, Kevin.