I know, I would have had this out two weeks ago but my lovely little laptop decided to go on the fritz and I had to retype it. If you saw my schedule recently, you'd all cry for me. It's been so hectic that I am just happy I got this done. Hopefully it meets some standards and answers the questions I received. More to come. All is fictional. Contact me at BrwyDevil@aol.com. Kev.
Running Thoughts Part Twenty-One: "Only Love"
The beeping of the machinery was punctuated and serene. The shrillness was something to get used to. Chris had woken up to hear it constantly echo around the white room. He didn't know what had happened but mis mind was cloudy and he felt almost completely limp. His eyes darted to the left and to the right and he saw a large window looking out onto the dark sky. His arm, which seemed to be composed of lead and iron, slowly moved from his side up to his face.
He felt stubble on his cheek which indicated he had been out for quite a few hours. Perhaps an entire day. The last thing he remembered was eating dinner. Maybe there had been a case of severe food poisoning or something.
His eyelids dropped again and the white room faded away. His breathing was shallow and weak but the confusion kept him conscious. He felt something holding his wrist. When he got the strength to turn his head upwards, he found he could make out a blurry face before him. It looked concerned and somehow pleasant.
"Just lay back- everything will be all right." The male nurse reassured. Chris felt the hand leave his arm after his pulse had been taken. The words he heard were muffled and slow. Finally his concentration returned and his eyes adjusted. Speaking was difficult, but he said, "Where am I?"
The nurse was glad to hear a full sentence escaping the groggy celebrity's mouth. "You're safe- in the hospital."
"What... what happened to me?" Chris moaned as he tried to move his neck.
"You were knocked out- but you're going to be fine, okay?"
A doctor entered the room next. SHe was short and pleased to see that Chris was awake. "Hello Mr.Kirkpatrick. I'm Dr.McShane. It's good to see you're all right." She smiled over her clipboard.
"I don't feel all right."
"That's understandable.You ingested quite a heavy dose of pavulon- a very strong paralyzer. We didn't expect you to regain consciousness until tomorrow." She explained. "Your friends are waiting outside for you. I'll show them in two at a time ina little while."
Chris followed her story and nodded when he heard her stop talking. His ears were ringing furiously. He had no idea what was going on and everything seemed to be occurring so fast, no matter how sluggish he himself felt.
He watched the two medical personnel exit the room and then he attempted to sit up. It was not a successful try. His upper body seemed to be made of very heavy and maleable rubber while the rest of him remained immobile and numb. Keeping his head up was very difficult.
Chris wasn't sure if he had fallen back asleep or not, but the next thing he knew, Lance and JC were at the foot of his bed. He smiled wearily and waved at them. He noticed that they looked tired too. "Sorry to worry you, guys." He murmured.
Lance walked around to the side of the bed and flashed his expressive eyes compassionately down on Chris. "Are you feeling all right?"
"I'm peachy. Just give me the next decade off so I can sleep." Chris responded.
"We've been waiting for you to wake up for the past twenty six hours." JC informed him as he stepped closer. "I brought your video camera with me." He said as he handed a black bag over to the weak, bedridden patient. "They told us you'd have to stay here an entire day after you woke up as a precautionary measure. It could be a good documentary."
Chris touched his camera lightly and said, "I'll be sure to film every dish of Jell-O they bring."
"We've got a private investigator named Travers figuring out how this happened." Lance moved the camera over to the tray table. "It's not gonna be an issue anymore."
"I'm glad to hear that."
"But do you remember anything in your room last night? Did you see anyone before you got in bed?" JC asked.
"No, I don't think so." Chris seemed to wake up a little more. "I was so exhausted. I guess the drug was put in me before I got into my room. It had to have been during dinner."
"We'll make sure Travers knows about that."
"It could narrow down the search parameters..." Lance took a seat over by the window. It was very dark outside and he began to yawn. "We've canceled the beginning of our tour, so just rest up and feel better."
Chris seemed disappointed to hear it. "Awww, man. I'm sorry, guys... I didn't mean to ruin the whole schedule." He slumped back against the pillows.
JC laughed. "I'm pretty sure this isn't your fault."
"Have those doctors given me a time when I can leave? They said another whole day?"
"Yeah, for observation. But hopefully we'll have you out of here by tomorrow night." Lance nodded as his eyelids fell very slowly. No one in the group had been able to sleep without knowing Chris' situation. They were all relieved when they heard he had woken up.
"Lance, lets get you to bed." JC said as he saw his friend descending into dreamland. They both moved towards the door and turned back to Chris. "We'll stay here until you're free to go."
"Feel better." Lance whispered. They shut the door gently behind them and left Chris alone in the sterile, quiet room. His headache slowly faded away and he actually began to return to normal. He was very hungry, though. He imagined they had pumped his stomach in order to purge his system, but he didn't feel any pain in his abdomen.
He had read once that stomach pumping was a painful procedure. The door opened again as Chris adjusted his body in the bed. Justin and Joey peeked inside and smiled to see him.
"You look better than I thought you would." Joey smiled. "You doing okay?"
Chris nodded. "I think so."
"I wanted to bring you some tacos, but apparently you're only allowed nutrients through the IV" Justin said, as he leaned against the door and closed it.
"Bummer... but thanks for thinking of me."
"That's all we've been doing!" Joey commented. "We didn't know what the hell was going on. We're all just happy that you're safe."
Justin moved from the door to the window. "Well, he'll only be safe when we catch whoever did this."
Joey turned to him. "Stop raining on the parade, dude."
"I'm not- I'm still optimistic. We're all relieved that you're okay- but its important to be practical."
Joey ignored this. He knew very well that there was going to be an awkward tension following them around until they could be sure the danger had passed. He knew there were issues yet to be completed... but he just wanted to cheer Chris up. The stark truth could wait. "So, Chris... are you up for a game of basketball when you get your sorry ass out of bed?"
Chris grinned. "I could take you on right here, right now."
Justin looked down the side of the building to see that a police barricade had been erected. Cop cars and media vans dotted the ground below. News of Chris' situation must have leaked. Most likely through a hotel employee. Swarms of fans would be advancing on the hospital in a matter of hours. *NSync couldn't leave if they wanted to.
"Well, now that we know you're doing better, I think it will be good for me to go to sleep. Nightmares pending." Justin put his hands in his pockets and moved towards the door.
"Thanks, Jus." Chris cleared his throat. "Tell the rest of the guys that I'm glad you're here for me."
"Anytime." Justin said as he closed the door behind him.
Joey was still intent on keeping the mood light. "Anytime? What did he mean by that?" Joey sarcastically said. "Does he expect you to be drugged and hospitalized often?"
Chris laughed and shrugged. He noticed that the window was slowly growing into a navy blue color. The sun would be rising soon. He looked back to Joey who was also watching the transforming sky. Joey was in quite a jovial mood but that wasn't surprising. Chris knew how Joey handled being worried.
Though there were no bottles around on his person, he knew some could be found somewhere. Nevertheless, Joey was his best friend. The good side and the bad side. He started feeling better still and the lightheadedness was fading. He looked forward to the arrival of this new day.
The sooner it came, the sooner he would be able to leave and the sooner he could recuperate with his friends.
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They were having sex, but this time, Kevin knew it was a dream. His dreams refused to masquerade themselves as reality anymore. AJ was kissing slowly down Kevin's neck and his hands were placed very lightly on his hips. Kevin closed his eyes and stroked AJ's dick very slowly and rhythmically.
He saw no reason not to enjoy this... After all, of he couldn't have what he deserved for real, he might as well use it for all it was worth within his dreams.
AJ's warmth mixed with his own to cause a very intense heat. It was visible that both of them were affected by the increase in temperature. AJ's chest soon glistened with sweat and Kevin's eyes became bright and insatiable.
They looked at each other and Kevin licked his lips. AJ grinned very slowly and then forcefully attacked Kevin's lips with his own. Their heads maneuvered and craned slightly as their tongues ran circles together in their hot oral cavity. AJ's hand was now caressing Kevin's package and they both jerked each other in unison. The physical movements caused heavy breathing and an even more overwhelming yearning for this moment.
Kevin's hair was now moist from the sweat he was now exerting. He pushed it back with his hand as the making out progressed. They were now laying on the floor, wrapped into each other's body like a single unit.
AJ moved his hand down Kevin's smooth spine and across the globes of his ass. He drew him closer and their hard cocks collided. Both boys gasped and opened their eyes to look directly at one another.
They trembled with anticipation and panted uncontrollably. AJ's hand separated the cheeks to Kevin's virgin asshole and massaged into it very gently. Kevin's eyes shut tight and he grunted to show his satisfaction. He wanted to connect with AJ so desperately. He wanted them to be one. A finger successfully penetrated his body and moved into him and then out of him. Kevin kissed AJ again, with more passion and energy then before. This sensation was one he had never experienced before. He felt exhilarated and extremely turned on. He would have lost control and cum prematurely had AJ not slowed down the incursion. Their kiss slowed down as well. It was as if their bodies had melted in the heat and disintegrated into a puddle of sweat and pure pleasure.
AJ was the first to move after the heat had frozen them in their place. He got up onto his knees and looked down at Kevin laying breathlessly naked on the ground. He ran the palms of his hands over Kevin's thighs and stimulated the tiny hairs leading up to his crotch. The ticklish, rapid sensations drove Kevin wild. He wanted to be touched more. This was just like teasing. He needed more. The craving had become an addiction.
AJ bent over at the waist and flicked his tongue along Kevin's inner thighs. Kevin's back arched and he moaned loudly. His balls were soon engulfed by the hot, prodding mouth. He clenched his fists and murmured AJ's name.
Meanwhile, AJ took his free hand and jacked the shaft very very slowly. Kevin was in ecstasy. He had never had sex even close to this. AJ's mouth moved away from the scrotum and licked up the length of his dick. Kevin felt another finger enter his virgin hole. This stimulation was too much for him. The long tongue expertly causing massive amounts of pleasure to his organ and the hand that was entering his forbidden body drove him right to the end. AJ took his hand away from Kevin's ass and took his entire dick down his throat. Kevin felt the twitch of AJ's muscles as he saw himself disappear past the burning, perfect lips. AJ's tongue, with the penis inside his mouth, began to rub into the sensitive underside, causing Kevin to hold back his load. He moaned and bucked his hips wildly.
AJ moved his mouth up the shaft, leaving a shiny trail of saliva behind. He bobbed his head on the cock several times and deep throated Kevin again. He then took his head away from the crotch and began to breath heavily. He had enjoyed giving the blowjob as much as Kevin enjoyed getting it. But he had stopped before it was completed.
AJ leaned back up towards Kevin's head and licked his neck and shoulder. He kissed Kevin's lips one at a time and then sat back on his heels. AJ took his own prick into his hand and stroked it erotically.
He licked one of his fingers, moved it back to Kevin's hole and teased him with the wet tip. Then he moved forward and placed his cockhead at Kevin's entrance.
Their eyes met. Time stopped. It was so obvious that they wanted each other. Neither boy was having sex to simply orgasm and say goodnight. Their eyes showed the desire to fulfill every want the other man had. It was not unadulterated lust. This was love. Kevin, though he was fast asleep, could finally see the difference between obsession and love. AJ grinned and proceeded to inch his penis into Kevin's waiting body.
The pain was stifling but completely worth it. A new feeling entered his groin. A sensation he had never known before. AJ sucked in air as his member was enveloped by the tight opening.
Kevin guided the dick inside of him. He adjusted his body and enjoyed every drop of sweat he made while being filled up by AJ. He was finally completely inside of Kevin and even his own experiences with sex had never brought him this much physical and emotional pleasure. He pulled out slowly and pushed himself back in.
The tactile bonding of bodies increased their urge to climax. Their skin stuck together and pulled apart in rapid succession. Kevin had never felt this way before as he laid back to feel every angle of this new fulfillment. AJ was also getting more involved with this action as he saw the response he was getting. His strokes grew more intense and his punctuated panting got louder. Their hips were meeting together in sensual rhythm. AJ balanced himself over Kevin's body and continued pistoning deep with him. His hand tightly grasped Kevin's as they released together. A simultaneous moaning exploded vocally yet breathlessly from them.
Kevin's eyes, which had been clutched shut, opened very slowly. He was alone in his bed. Surprisingly, he wasn't depressed. After intense dreams such as these, Kevin often felt very lonely and dreaded the fact that he was single. This time, though, was different.
A split second in this dream, Kevin witnessed something he'd never noticed before. A sort of understanding of his personality and of what he wanted became clear. He saw the illogic that accompanied lust and the magic that arose through love. He knew AJ would never be with him the way he wanted... but a part of him would always be grateful to the lesson he learned. He smiled to think of the frequency his lust ran through him mind... and of the control he now placed over his own body.
Kevin adjusted himself on the bed and freed himself from the boxer shorts he had been wearing. He laid back and finally had the best night of sleep he'd ever had.
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Justin looked at the letters Nick had given him. He had been sitting in this hospital lounge for so long that they were all nearly memorized. He adored the penmanship. He couldn't explain why or anything- it was just one of those little quirks that tickled him pink.
Justin had been so happy waking up with Nick beside him. It had felt so right. He wished he could spend the entire day with the blond boy but this whole bizarre situation exploded all around them. He regretted having to leave Nick behind at the hotel, too. His mind was just so boggled, he had lost focus.
This stalker had once targeted Justin, and he was so glad when the threats and communication attempts ceased. It was a relief to bid farewell to such an eerie mystery. But now, the identical letters had returned. Surely it could be a copycat crime but that didn't make him feel any better. The first one had never been caught, this could be their return.
Chris and Joey had known about it for quite some time before the attack took place. Justin wasn't sure how to feel about that. He knew they were looking out for his best interests, but he also knew that he should have been informed at the very first second it started. The group needed to stick together. After all, its not easy to be a successful band if secrets are held between a few members. Stability breaks down under those circumstances.
Since they were not going to be allowed to meet and some crazy superstition prohibited the use of cell phones in hospitals, Justin decided he would try to write a letter of his own to Nick. It was definitely not his area of expertise and his spelling could have used some brushing up, but it was the thought that counted.
He found every one of Nick's letters to be romantic and poignant and sweet. They were never boring and their honesty and intelligence made his interest in Nick's persona grow. He hung on every word. He didn't know if he had that way with expressing himself. Then again, the opportunity had not come until now.
Justin stared down at the blank pieces of paper. He placed the blue fountain pen at the top of the sheet and watched a drop of ink expand and bleed into a tiny circle on the first line. It became:
'Dear Nick...'
He looked at it and scowled. It seemed so common and generic and cheesy. 'Dear'. He wished he had another way to start it. Justin let it go and decided to think of qa perfect first sentence. Nick wasn't expecting anything, of course- but Justin wanted to impress him.
Dear Nick,
Most people don't go to the trouble of sharing their most
intimate thoughts. Even modern relationships seem to have
a limit as to what information is released. When you gave me
that first letter, I was so surprised. I had read somewhere that
letter-writing was a dead art. You seem so good at it too. I was
blown away by what you had to say. You have a way with
words, Nick. You were so straight-forward and sweet. It kind of
amazes me that we found each other.
Justin glanced back down at his own writing and nodded as he looked over it. He was expecting it to be a lot worse. Maybe Nick's letters had given him an inspiration to get this done. He knew he had felt an internal change ever since he started dating Nick. It was definitely a positive change. He nearly felt complete.
He was so proud of his handwriting, too. It was legible and original. You can tell a lot about a person's life and personality in their handwriting. He wasn't going to analyze himself now, though, and he hoped Nick wouldn't either. He looked back up from the page and flipped the pen in the air. He knew he had a lot to say, he just wasn't sure how to go about saying it.
He rubbed his forehead as he tried to focus. He was so glad everything was all right with Chris. His mind was able to wander and his body could do more than panic now. He would never be able to write a lengthy poem as Nick had done and it wasn't in his nature to spew out prose, so Justin figured out the one area of expertise he did possess. Music.
JC had been the master of it, but in his heart Justin had always wanted to be a songwriter. What could be more personal and unique than to write a song for Nick? Lyrics would come later, he decided. Immediately he got up and tried to find Lance's guitar. Their belongings had been brought here from the hotel a few hours back.
Justin located the black case and took out the red and black instrument. Really they had all played around with instruments before.. but Justin felt he had learned enough to actually succeed in getting a song out. It was the least he could do for Nick.
In the corner of his eye he saw the unfinished letter sitting on the chair. He sat there and weighed his options. Start a song or finish my thoughts. He was being bombarded with so many ideas now. He wanted to do so much and give so much to Nick. The choices made him feel so useful, vibrant and happy. Justin had come to the place where there was so much to do for his lover. He realized that Nick was his muse.
Quickly he snatched up the papers and diligently scrolled out his anxious hopefulness on paper. He didn't stop for a full hour.
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The cup of coffee was placed down by JC's foot which was up on the table. He was slowly fading into and out of sleep. Lance smiled over at him and sat down with his own cup. "I thought you might need some caffeine."
"Mmm- hey, thanks." He sat up and nearly kicked over the hot beverage. "Whoops."
Lance sipped his cocoa and leaned back. "I can't wait till we get out of here. These same four walls are starting to give me a headache."
JC stretched. "Yeah- but it was nice of the hospital to set aside this lounge for us..."
"I don't think I'm going to feel safe anywhere."
JC added more sugar. "It doesn't matter. I never felt safe to begin with."
Lance shook his head disapprovingly as he smiled comfortingly. "Can I depend upon your pessimism all year round?"
"I'm a realist."
"You're a fatalist. We've got nothing to really worry about. I just have a feeling of nervousness." Lance explained. "I'm pretty sure you're not like this all the time?"
JC had actually lightened up a lot since Lance had discovered his strange dreams were meant to bring them closer as friends. Lance never outright explained the nature of his visions but made it an effort to hang around with JC as much as possible and always show him the ways to being positive.
"You've known me for years, Lance... do you think I've changed much." JC grinned.
"No, I wouldn't say you have- but you have a pleasant duality about you." Lance took some more cocoa in his mouth. "I just wish I knew how to determine which is really you."
"It's not like a massive personality puzzle. I am who I am. Whichever side you see..."
"No, that's not true." Lance sat indian style in the chair. "When I look at you, I see so many thoughts going on in your head. I wish I knew how to dissect that."
"Not a pretty picture." JC laughed to himself. "But I guess most creative people have thing angst inside of them... moods change fast and thoughts run wild." He placed the styrofoam cup in the palm of his hand and balanced it. "I guess I am just tired today. When I get tired, I get contemplative."
"My time of day is the dark time." Lance hummed. JC looked up and shrugged. "Well, I am just glad you're doing better than before. We're too young to be unhappy."
"I didn't know there was an age limit."
Lance finished his hot chocolate and threw the crumpled cup across the room into a trash bin. "We have conversations that should be reserved for retired old farts on lawn chairs in Miami- did you ever realize that?"
"Aged talking makes for a youthful soul."
"Good philosophy."
"At this time of the night, I'm full of them."
"You're full of something." Lance chortled. JC joined in and they started laughing together uncontrollably for a very long time. Neither of them really knew what was causing this reaction but they also didn't care. Chris was safe. They were safe. And for the time being, they were stress free and quite amused. JC drank the last of his coffee and tossed the empty container at Lance. The laughing could be heard down the corridors and cheered up nearly all the patients.
====================================================
Joey laughed to himself for a moment as he swaggered out the stairway and through a heavy metal door leading out behind the hospital. He noticed that this side of the building was pretty vacant. The limo they had called for their departure was already waiting for them and the driver was sitting on the hood, turning through a newspaper and eating orange slices.
Something was definitely amusing Joe, though. He chuckled heartily. As he moved towards the car, a person stepped in his path. It was Detective Travers. "Hey, son... shouldn't you still be waiting upstairs?"
"I was looking for the morgue." Joey stifled his laughter at his own joke and let his head wag from side to side. Travers just looked at him.
"You know, you probably shouldn't be drinking at a time like this." He mentioned as he took his notepad out of his pocket. "But I am glad I ran into you... If you're up to answering some questions?"
Joey nodded and smiled widely, his mind wandering already. Travers asked, "Can you recall when you received each of the threat messages?"
"Uh, yeah. Yeah. A bellhop had the first one at our hotel. The second came with the bill at the diner we went to... The third was at our door. And the last one was found in Chris' room."
"Mmmhmmm, and if this is a repeat, do you know where the original threat messages are that started the whole thing?" Travers never looked up from his pad.
"I think Justin has them. He was so flattered at first. I think he kept them." Joey started swaying as he stood there.
"Do we know what we're looking for? Male or female?"
"Actually we have no idea. Guess it could be either."
Travers looked up finally and checked over both of his shoulders. He stood there silently for a moment and then said, "Thank you very much." And he strolled away.
Joey bowed at the waist and walked in a very silly way over towards the limousine. It had usually been his way to avert any situation by drinking. The stress of losing his closest friend seemed like a god enough excuse at the time. What he was about to do, however, could have been thought out more.
Joe hopped up nto the hood of the car next to the chauffeur. "Good evening, Mr.Fatone- will we be leaving soon?" He asked as he gathered up his snack.
"Well that depends- are the keys in the car?" Joey asked with wide eyes.
"Yes sir."
"Is the air-conditioning on?"
"Yes sir."
"Is your license expired?"
He looked at Joe oddly. "Ummm no, sir."
Joey had made his way from the hood to the driver's side. He flashed a very large smile and swiftly opened the door and jumped inside. He started the engine and locked all the doors. The chauffeur ran to the passenger side but was unable to get in. "Excuse me! You can't do this!" He shouted.
But it was too late. Joey stepped on the accelerator and sped out of the lot, awkwardly maneuvering the stretch limo behind him.