Rick and I shared three more great days, and three more incredible nights, at the condo before the inevitable time to go home arrived. I say great days as opposed to incredible nights because that was pretty much the way of it. The nights were filled with our lust for each other, and the new sexual discoveries we were making, and he seemed so into it, fucking me with wild abandon, and a passion that seemed to equal my own. But, in the cold light of day that eventually followed, he brooded about his actions of the previous night, going frequently quiet on me, and doing a lot of pensive staring out to sea.
It was, I knew, the "gay" thing that was eating at him, and he just couldn't seem to get past the need to label what we were doing. I tried, over and over, to make him see it as what I believed it to be, great sex, unbelievably great sex, being shared between two people who genuinely cared for each other, and obviously wanted each other in that way, who just happened to both be males. The difference, I suppose, was that while I had pretty much accepted the fact that this was my orientation, and I had gotten comfortable with who I was sexually, Rick clung desperately to a self image that insisted he was straight, and therefore was required to hate all things "gay," and he was beating himself up for caving to his urges where I was concerned. It pained me greatly to see him brood this way, but, not to the point that I was willing to give up that great sex with him anytime soon.
It was morning now, on the day of our departure back to the real world, and, as we packed up our stuff, and loaded the car, he was in one of his blue funks, and had hardly said five words since we had begun the day with a raucous fuck, followed by a shared shower that had led to my sucking him off again as he leaned against the bathroom vanity. Personally, I thought it a perfect windup to a perfect few days, but Rick, well, was apparently going to just be Rick. Sigh.
As I was making a last check of the condo to ensure that all was secure, and properly squared away, and to also ensure that we had not left any obvious dna lying about, Rick walked through the living room, and deposited his sport bag next to the door. He looked over at me, and actually gave me the closest thing to a real smile that I'd seen since the bathroom blow job, and he said,
"Hey Ry....I gotta tell you, dude, this get-away has seriously rocked for me....in a lot of ways, actually......and I flat needed a break from home....the old man....all the shit....so hey, Bud....serious....thanks, OK?"
I smiled right back at him, and quickly crossed over to stand in front of him, and slide my arms around his neck as I pulled him close, and looked him in the eye, saying.
"That's really good to hear, Rick.....really....and....this has all rocked for me, too....all of it....and I need you to be OK with it....all of it.....and stop, already, with the self-hate campaign, OK?"
He was still grinning his killer smile, which I took as a good sign, and he nodded slightly, as he said, very softly, as he hugged me tighter,
"You are so the best, Ryan....really...sometimes I actually think that you know me better than I know me....and, I really am Ok with.....all of it...too OK, actually.....just....well shit, Dude....you already know how it is with me.....shit...I love it.....and then....I fucking hate myself because I love it!"
I hugged him, actually feeling tears well up in my eyes, which is like the last thing I needed, to be acting like a total queen in front of my macho guy, and I buried my face in his chest so he wouldn't see me like that. I struggled, and got it together, then, lifted my head, and told him,
"See big-guy....that is exactly what I'm talking about....why can't you just stop thinking about it, like, when you reach the "loving it" part, and skip all the rest?"
He stared at me a long beat, then slowly shook his head, as he said,
"I know, Ry....that's exactly what I tell myself every time...like, what's the big deal....it's fun....it feels freeking awesome....you seem so really Ok with it all...I love you, for sure....so why the hell I hammer myself about it.....I just don't know!"
I shook my head, at a loss for what to say beyond what I had already said, so I just planted a small kiss on his cheek, and said,
"Well, maybe it just needs more time, try and not think about it so much, Rick....just go with your instincts, and relax about the whole thing....what the fuck, nobody but me and you have a clue what's happening with us, so give it a rest, already."
He sighed heavily, but nodded his head, and we separated, and got on with loading up for the trip home. When we were all set, I locked the condo, and we climbed in the car, me driving, and Rick settled in beside me. As we drove along, savoring the stunning coastal views, as the hiway followed along the beach, Rick suddenly seemed to want to talk, uncharacteristic as that might have been, and I just shut up and let him ramble, tossing out the occasional uh-huh, or wow, or really, as he seemed intent on pouring it all out, finally.
Yes, he confirmed, a lot of his angst stemmed from the sheer "gayness" of our fooling around, given that his strict upbringing had continuously stressed the "wrongness" of that. To make things even worse, his fathers attitude toward the subject seemed to escalate in direct correlation to the amount of alcohol he had consumed, and when he and Rick went off at each other, as they did frequently when dad was drinking, he had of late taken to verbally labeling his son as a "fag," or some similar vulgar reference to his sexuality. Rick, it seemed, was more bothered by the idea that his actions with me gave credence to his fathers abusive accusations, than he was by the verbal assault itself. I wasn't really surprised to hear of his passionate desire to one day have a wife, and kids of his own, given that for as long as I had known him, he was incredible with kids of all ages, and seemed to enjoy his interaction with them as much as they hungrily drank in the attentions of the older boy. I was, though, somewhat surprised when he voiced a concern that our "fucking around," as he called it, was going to one day extract a price from God, something evil, like maybe making him unable to father kids, or something. I had no idea that he held any particular religious beliefs, and certainly not anything of such high order. As he went on, I began to understand the depth, and breadth, of his personal torment, and I vowed to help him through it in any way possible, short of giving him up. The one common thread that seemed to run through his whole dissertation was not so much the sexual acts that we had been doing, in and of themselves, but more the idea that participating in that behavior would, in fact, "make" him gay, and that, he just couldn't seem to live with, period. In an attempt to detour his closed end thinking, and possibly provide him an alternative label, since he was hell-bent on having one, I suggested,
"Here' an idea, dude....when you get a chance, check some data on bi-sexual people....must be ton's of them out there...and their philosophy, which pretty much says, sex is sex, a physical act in the main, but emotional, too, on some level....but not an act requiring any particular title, or life style label, other than it is safe, consensual, and fun."
For the first time since we had started driving, he fell silent, as he seemed to chew on that idea, and I prayed that just maybe I had planted a small seed that could, with sufficient nurturing, grow into a concept that he could accept, and chill about.
We were rapidly approaching the area where the hiway would take a more inland direction, turning away from the coastline, and I suddenly wanted to cling to the great time we had had at the beach, so on impulse, I seem to have a lot of those, I turned off on the last off ramp to the beach, and cut back under the freeway, driving into a small, nearly deserted parking lot overlooking the ocean from a high bluff. I shut off the car, and sat back, gazing at the soothing view of gently rolling breakers washing their white foam onto the golden sand of the beach below, and savored the incessant sounds of the ocean pounding the shore in its unending rhythm. Rick sat silently beside me, his gaze focused the same as my own, and after a few quiet minutes, he turned to me, and said,
"I know, dude.....really....I don't want to go back, either."
I nodded, acknowledging that he had read my very thought, and replied,
"It's just been so....special....really special, for me....just like....you are, for me."
He nodded, and flashed me his killer smile, as he winked, and said,
"Yea....well, dude....you aren't exactly just some average dude to me, either, you know."
Don't ask me to explain it, or even understand it, but between the look he was giving me, and the words he had just said, I sprang an instant boner, my cock rapidly swelling in my shorts, and threatening to burst through the silky shorts I was wearing. Rick must have read the expression on my face, and his eyes darted down to my tented crotch, and when he again met my wide eyed look, he grinned, and said,
"How about last walk on the beach, sailor?"
I felt myself blushing like some school girl, but definitely caught his drift, and nodded, saying,
"I think I'd really like that, Mister."
He chuckled, and dropped his hand into my protruding lap, and gave my erection a firm squeeze, as he said,
"Cool.....oh, and bring this along too.....we can probably find some use for it."
I giggled then, actually sounding very much like some school girl, and nodded, as I quickly climbed out of the car, not caring in the least if some casual observer caught sight of my hardon, as long it continued to hole Rick's interest. He slid out his door, and, holding hands like two school girls, we headed down the trial that led to the beach below.
We walked a long way up the deserted stretch of sand, and even took off our shoes, and socks, so we could walk in the foaming surf, and when we ran out of beach due to a rock outcropping, we moved back away from the surf, and settled to the soft sand, our backs resting against the huge rock wall. In a day that had seemed strangely filled with Rick- type surprises, he gave me another one, when he suddenly groped my crotch, and said, all mock anger,
"Hey...what's up with this....I told you to bring that nice boner with you!"
I laughed, and nodded, saying,
"Yea...well....just keep that going another minute, and you will have all the boner you want!"
He chuckled, and he kept it going, and, as promised, in less than a minute he was stroking a very rigid penis, namely mine!
"Now....." he said, "that's what I'm talking about....lets get this bad boy out here....I'm kinda missing him, all of a sudden!"
Laughing, just letting loose, and going for the moment, we grappled with shorts, and tee shirts, and in no time both of us were totally naked, right out there on a public beach, and oblivious to the element of danger that we might be seen. As crazy as it seems now, in a matter of minutes we were all over each other, kissing, groping, stroking, laughing like fools through it all, until we were no longer able to laugh, given that each of us had a serious mouthful of the others rock hard cock, as we settled into a sixty-nine that would have made the average porn star proud. For a guy who was just recently professing his abject straightness, Rick deftly worked my rampant cock to an explosive orgasm, and, trooper that he was, stayed right with it, as I flooded his mouth with a copious load of my semen, which he gamely swallowed right down. He soon returned the favor, and I hungrily feasted on his creamy offering until both of us were spent, and once more laughing at our wild, and crazy antics.
As the heat of the moment drained away, we realized how nuts we had been, given the location, and we quickly donned our shorts, and shirts, and headed back to the car, each of us still baking in the sweet afterglow of another round of awesome sex, as we sheepishly scanned the beach for any possible witnesses to our romp. We reached the car without encountering any people, and climbed aboard, saying a last farewell to the sea, as we turned toward home, and reintroduction to the so called real world.
( To Be Continued) Storyguy22@yahoo.com