****This Story is a complete work of fiction and is not meant to imply anything about Ryan Phillippe's actual sexuality or about the true nature of the real Ryan and Reese's relationship.
I took a deep breath to clear my head. There was a reasonable explanation for what I'd just heard, of that I was sure. I started the engine and pulled back into traffic. Sitting in my car on the side of the road wasn't going to help me get to the bottom of the situation, I reflected. The only logical thing to do was go home and call Ryan in New York.
Logical or not, I was a bundle of nerves as I finished driving home and made my way up to my apartment. The first thing I noticed as I walked through the door was the blinking red light on my answering machine. I hit play, hoping one of the messages would be from Ryan, telling me he'd heard of the reported engagement and that it just wasn't true.
"Hi Seth, it's Ashley. I haven't talk to you in ages! Give me a call, maybe we can get together this weekend. I'd like to meet your new guy, if your still seeing him that is. I assume you are, because you've dropped off the face of the Earth lately. Call me!"
"Seth, it's AJ. I really have to talk to you. You're not going to believe what happened tonight! I'm dying to tell you, but I don't want to do it over the machine. Call me when you get home, okay? Bye."
I sighed as the machine informed me that I had no further messages. It's a good thing, though! I told myself. It meant that Ryan probably hadn't even heard the ridiculous rumor and didn't need to call and tell me not to worry. Still, I had to settle the growing feeling of doubt in my stomach, so I picked up the phone and dialed Ryan's number in New York. As I did so, I looked once again at the gold band on my finger. Yes, everything was going to be just fine.
I let the phone ring over twenty times, but there was no answer. The feeling in my stomach grew, but I took another breath, reminding myself to stay calm and not jump to any wild conclusions. There was probably an excellent reason that Ryan wasn't home.
It was late in New York, though. But, he'd probably just had to work late shooting some difficult scene. Everything is going to be fine, I told myself calmly. I decided to proceed about my business as if it was any other day. I made myself a sandwich and turned on the television, settling in to laugh at the over the top, cheesy antics of an old rerun of The Dukes of Hazzard.
The phone rang about half an hour later, causing me to leap off of the sofa like it had suddenly caught on fire. I raced for the phone, forgetting that I was intentionally keeping all thoughts of what I'd heard out of my mind.
"Hello?" I couldn't keep the sudden surge of expectation out of my voice. Ryan's voice was going to respond to mine and tell me everything was fine.
"Seth? I've been sitting here frothing at the mouth waiting for you to call me! Didn't you get my message?" AJ asked over the line, sounding impatient.
"Oh. AJ," I said, as unable to keep the disappointment out of my voice as I had been the expectation when I thought it was Ryan.
"Oh, thanks. That makes me feel great," AJ laughed and I smiled in spite of myself.
"Sorry, AJ. I thought you were Ryan," I explained. I briefly debated whether or not to tell her what I'd heard on the radio, but decided against it. It was nothing, I reminded myself, just an error on the part of the radio station.
"No, sorry. It's just me. Are you expecting a call from lover boy this late? It's tomorrow already in New York, isn't it?" AJ asked.
"Yeah," I said noncommitally. "So, what's this big thing you're dying to tell me about?"
"Oh my God, Seth! You're not going to believe this! Scott asked me out," AJ sounded excited and I smiled again.
"Scott Foley? I AM surprised," I joked.
"Funny. You know who I mean! Scott Speedman. I ran into him in the parking lot on my way out. I think he might have been waiting for me, maybe. Anyway, he was so nervous, it was so cute! He asked if I'd like to see a movie or get some dinner one night. Can you believe it?" she asked, still sounding like a giddy school girl.
I smiled, feeling proud of Scott in a strange, almost paternal way. "Yeah, I can believe it. You're a great person AJ, who wouldn't want to date you?"
"You?" AJ laughed. "But seriously, I had no idea he was even interested in me. He's so quiet! And there are all those rumors going around about him and Gwyneth."
I'd heard the same rumors. Scott Speedman had just finished filming the movie 'Duets' with Gwyneth Paltrow, and rumors were swirling around Hollywood and in the gossip columns that he was her latest love interest. But of course, there was another example of how rumors could get started that weren't true at all, like the ridiculous engagement announcement!
"Every man who comes within a hundred feet of her is going to be linked with Gwyneth since she broke up with Ben Affleck. You know how it works, AJ. Besides, she's not Scott's type at all. She's too...." I sought for the right word, but couldn't quite find it. "Well, you know. She's just not Scott's type."
"Yeah. Don't you even want to know if I said yes or not?" AJ chided, laughing.
"From the way you're acting, AJ, I don't have to ask. Just tell me what night you two love birds are hitting the town," I answered.
"This Saturday. You don't think it's a mistake, do you Seth? I mean, we are co-workers and all. Maybe it's not such a good idea," AJ sounded suddenly doubtful.
"AJ, if you want to go out with Scott you shouldn't let anything that silly stand in your way. Besides, it's just a date. You're not walking down the aisle yet," I said.
"Okay, okay. I'll let you go so lover boy's call can get through. We'll talk more about this tomorrow, okay?" AJ said.
"Of course. I'm glad he finally asked you, AJ. I think the two of you will make a wonderful couple," I smiled.
"Hey, it's just a date, remember?" AJ laughed. "I'll see you tomorrow."
I smiled down at the phone after the line went dead, thinking of Scott Speedman pacing the parking lot, nervously waiting for AJ to come out to her car while he built up his courage to ask her out.
It's a sign, I decided. Scott Speedman had finally followed his true feelings and asked AJ out, Scott Foley had found a relationship with Simon Rex. Everything was working out for everyone. It meant that everything was going to be equally wonderful for Ryan and I.
I dialed Ryan's number again, sure that he'd be home this time. I felt a little guilty for calling so late when he might have gone straight to bed after an extra long day at the studio. I let the phone ring over twenty times again, but there still was no answer.
I hung up and went back to the living room, where the Dukes of Hazzard had given way to The Waltons. I turned the television off and went back to my bedroom, fighting the growing doubt. The announcement alone wasn't much to be worried about, I reflected as I took off my clothes and slipped between the cool sheets on my bed. But added to Ryan's odd absence from his apartment so late at night, it did worry me.
I closed my eyes and willed sleep to come, certain that along with the sun would come a phone call from Ryan, explaining where he'd been and laughing over the radio station's stupid mistake.
The ringing of the doorbell made it's way into my dream. One moment I was standing on the set of the show, script pages fluttering everywhere as various people angrily demanded the new rewrites and I tried desperately to grab hold of some of the airborne pages and failed time and again. The next moment I was in Ryan's apartment in New York, still clutching at script pages, and trying to get to the door. I knew that it was important that I open the door, that Ryan was waiting just beyond it, but the more I moved towards it, the farther away it got and the doorbell just kept ringing.
I slowly came out of the dream and sat up in the darkness. Something wasn't quite right, but I couldn't put my finger on what it was. Then, the doorbell rang again and I realized that someone really was at my door.
I got out of bed and stumbled out into the living room and towards the door, still under the influence of sleep. I opened the door slowly, my sleep addled brain wondering who in the world could be ringing my doorbell in the middle of the night.
"Ryan?" I mumbled. I must still be asleep, I realized, as I stared at Ryan, standing right in front of me. He looked so real, though! He was dressed in khaki pants and a white sweater and his crystal blue eyes were staring at me intensely.
"Seth," the word came out of Ryan's mouth with a rush of breath, and he stepped forward, wrapping his arms around me tightly. So tightly, in fact, that I realized there was no way I was dreaming.
"Ryan, what are you doing here?" I asked into his shoulder, still incredibly confused.
"We have to talk, Seth," Ryan answered back, not letting me go for a second. I smiled, breathing in the scent of his hair.
"Okay. Can I close the door first?" I asked, feeling almost giddy from seeing him again.
Ryan released me and walked farther into my apartment without looking at me again. I closed the door and turned around to follow him. As I did so, the recollection of the previous night's events came flooding back suddenly. The announcement, Ryan's absence from his apartment so late at night, my own worries.
I walked into the living room, where Ryan had taken a seat on the sofa and was staring at the floor. A sense of doom overtook me, but I forced myself to sit down next to him and act calm.
"What's going on, Ryan? Does it have something to do with what I heard on the radio last night?"
Ryan glanced up quickly, looking into my eyes, and then looked back at the floor. "You heard? About Reese and I?" he asked, his voice filled with such mournfullness that my heart nearly stopped.
"Yes. I didn't believe it, of course. I tried to call you a couple of times, but you weren't home, obviously. You must have already been on your way here. What is it, Ryan? I love you, you know that. You can tell me anything."
Ryan smiled sadly and looked into my face again. He slowly began to shake his head. "You may not feel that way after I say what I came to say, Seth."
"Just say it, Ryan. Please," I urged, feeling a tightness come into my throat.
"Seth, I'm going to marry Reese," Ryan's words were like a knife to my heart. I nodded slowly, still willing myself to remain calm.
"Why? I thought you were in love with me," I asked, keeping my voice steady.
"Oh, God, Seth. Of course I'm in love with you. I always will be," Ryan said quickly, touching my face gently.
"Then what's going on? Why would you marry Reese when you love me and she already knows the truth?"
Ryan sighed and looked away again. "I have to Seth. She's pregnant." The words seemed to dance before my eyes as he spoke them and I felt light headed.
"Pregnant." I repeated the word, my voice sounding hollow.
"Yeah. She's pregnant," Ryan sighed again and then looked towards me quickly. "Not with my child, Seth!"
"Not with your child," I repeated his words once more, as if weighing them in my own mind. "Then why-"
"It's a really long story, Seth. After I broke up with Reese, she was really upset and she did something stupid. Now she's pregnant," Ryan explained softly.
"But Ryan, why do you have to marry her?" I asked, feeling like I'd missed an important fact somewhere along the way.
"Seth, she wouldn't be in this mess if it wasn't for me. Listen, she doesn't even know who the guy was. She was drunk. Because of me and what I'd done to her," Ryan said. When I didn't reply, he continued.
"She just found out. And some asshole on the doctor's staff leaked the news already. Seth, you wouldn't believe the hell she's going through. I don't have a choice. If we hadn't announced our engagement word would have gotten out. It would have started rumors about her cheating on me and the child not being mine. She would have been blamed for everything. Not to mention the fact that she'd have a fatherless child to explain."
"Ryan....." I couldn't even find the words as I stared at him, my mind reeling.
"Seth, she's in this mess because of what I did to her. I can't make it even worse. I have to marry her. I owe her that much," Ryan sighed.
"What about us?" I asked, feeling numb.
"That's why I'm here, Seth. I love you. You know that," Ryan took my hand in his and squeezed it gently. "I know this is going to change everything, and I want you to know that as much as it would kill me, I'll understand if you want to end this right now."
I stayed silent, my heart and my head both pounding.
"But if you'll bear with me, there's a way we can work this out. When Reese and I get married, it will be in name only. That goes without saying, of course. You could still move in with me, only Reese would be there too. You'd be a friend who'd be living in our guest room for awhile. The press would never have to know that it's really Reese who's living in the guest room. And it would only have to be for a few years. That seems like a long time, but it'll go quickly, and then Reese and I can divorce. The baby will have a father, and there won't be any scandal. Divorces are an everyday occurrence around here," Ryan exhaled suddenly. I could tell that he'd been rehearsing the words in his mind, hoping to get them just right.
I stood up and walked slowly across my living room and then back to the sofa, Ryan watching me anxiously the whole time. Finally, I sat back down next to him and sighed.
"I love you, Ryan. A lot. But I don't know if I can live such a lie. Keeping our relationship a secret from the press is one thing, but doing it while your married and I'm living with you and your wife..." my voice trailed off hopelessly as I pictured the situation and cringed.
"You don't have to give me an answer now, Seth. I just wanted to get here and tell you in person what's going on. I know it would be asking a lot of you, and like I said, I'd understand if you wanted to end it. But think about it, okay?" Ryan pleaded. He stood up and started for the door.
"Where are you going?" I asked, fear in my voice. It felt like he was leaving me already.
"To my place. You need time to think about this in peace, Seth. I'll only be here for twenty-four hours, but you don't have to give me an answer then. You take all the time you need," Ryan said. He walked back towards me slowly and took my face in his hands. Our lips met and he kissed me softly.
"I love you," he whispered. "Don't forget that." Before I could find the words to answer him, he was gone.
"What is it? What's wrong?" AJ's voice was almost to the point of panic as she stared at me. I'd called in sick to the studio that morning, and it hadn't really been a lie. I'd gotten no sleep after Ryan had left. Instead I'd spent the rest of the night thinking over everything Ryan had said. Without Ryan there to see me, I'd finally given in and allowed myself to cry for awhile, hating fate for taunting me with a chance at happiness and then throwing me such an evil curve.
It was around noon when AJ showed up, worried about me, and panicked upon seeing the shape I was in.
"Everything's wrong, AJ. But you didn't have to come check on me. I'll be okay," I smiled half heartedly.
"Don't give me that! What happened, Seth?" AJ took me by the arm and lead me to the dining room, where she pushed me into a chair and sat down next to me.
"It's simple, AJ. Reese is pregnant and Ryan is going to marry her to spare them both from a scandal," I said the words calmly. I'd been saying them all night, in my mind.
"Oh, God. I was afraid something like this might happen. That bastard! How could he do this to you?" AJ demanded. She jumped out of her chair and just stood there, fists clenched. If Ryan had been there at that moment, I felt certain she would have given him a black eye. She hadn't played a Power Ranger without learning a few things!
"AJ, Ryan isn't to blame. He's trying to do the right thing. He's always felt guilty for how he treated Reese. This whole thing is happening because he used her. If he didn't do right by her now, I think it would eat away at him for the rest of his life," I explained.
"So that makes it okay for him to just drop you like you never meant anything to him?" AJ asked, her voice furious.
"He didn't drop me, AJ. He wants me to move in with him still, live with him and Reese until it's safe for them to get a divorce in a few years," I defended Ryan.
"What? He wants you to live with him and his wife? Like some kind of live in mistress? That son of a bitch!" I'd never seen AJ so irate in all the time I'd known her.
"AJ! Don't talk about Ryan that way. It's not like that. We're in love and it's the only way we can be together. It'll be hard on all of us," I said, standing up to look her in the face.
"You're going to do it??" AJ asked, her face and tone incredulous.
"I don't know," I sighed, sinking back down into my chair. AJ sat back down, too, and grabbed both of my hands in hers.
"Listen to me, Seth. What happens when Ryan falls head over heals for that baby that he's going to raise? Hmm? What then? What happens to you when Ryan decides that it's for the child's own good that he and Reese stay married and present him with a happy family? Where is that going to leave you?"
I slowly raised my eyes to hers. "AJ, don't think I haven't thought of that. I know it's a real possibility. I know that if I agree to do this, I could be letting myself in for more heartbreak than I can bear. But I love him," I whispered.
AJ dropped my hands. "You've already made up your mind, haven't you?"
I thought about it for a moment and then sighed. "Yes. I guess in a way I made up my mind the minute Ryan told me about it. I love him, AJ, and I have to be with him. It's that simple. I can't stand the thought of trying to move on in my life without Ryan's love."
AJ shook her head slightly and then leaned forward and wrapped her arms around my neck, hugging me tightly. "Okay. I'm here for you Seth, no matter what. If you think that's what you need to do, I'll support you."
"AJ, you're more than I deserve. I couldn't ask for a better friend," I smiled, hugging her back.
After AJ left I showered, shaved, and dressed in a hurry and then drove over to Ryan's house. I smiled a little as I pulled into the driveway, remembering the first time I'd been there.
I rang the doorbell and waited, feeling nervous. I was about to ring again when I heard footsteps approaching the door from the inside. The door opened and I stared in shock at Reese, dressed in a pink shirt and shorts.
"Seth. Come in," Reese quickly stepped aside to let me pass. I moved forward, feeling like I was walking in slow motion. Why was Reese here? Had she taken up residence already? Even if she hadn't, I already felt like a guest in a house that seemed to belong to Reese. Was this how it would be? Would I always feel like a third wheel? What about when the child was born? Doubts assailed me and I felt like turning and running.
Instead, I walked into the living room, smiling again as I recalled the dance Ryan and I had shared there. "Is Ryan here?" I asked, trying to keep my voice even. I didn't want Reese to know that I was already feeling jealous of her.
"Yeah. He's actually in the shower, though. Sit down, Seth. I want to talk to you about all of this," Reese motioned towards the sofa. I sat, again feeling like I was a guest in her home.
"Seth, I'm really sorry about this whole thing. I feel terrible about it. I want you to know that I didn't ask Ryan to marry me. I didn't even tell him about the baby, the P.R. people did when they started getting asked for confirmations," Reese explained, looking at me earnestly.
"Reese, I believe you," I assured her.
"Thank you. A lesser person would think I'd arranged it all to get Ryan back. But that's not true, Seth. I know he loves you, and that he's gay. Nothing is going to change that, either."
"I don't know about that, Reese. What about when you have the baby and Ryan becomes a father to him? Where do you think I'll rate in his life compared not only to his son or daughter, but his child's mother?" I asked, voicing my biggest fear. I knew Ryan well enough to know that, paternity aside, he'd never consider the baby as anything but his own.
"Seth, listen. I want to be with someone who can love me one hundred percent. I want the special kind of love that you and Ryan have. I'll never have it while I'm with Ryan. You don't have to worry about us staying together out of loyalty to the baby. We both know that it's better for a child to be brought up with two sets of parents who love each other than one set who doesn't," Reese said.
"She's right, Seth. No matter how much I love the baby and think of him as mine, I'm not going to stop loving you," Ryan's voice came from the hallway. I turned and looked at him, standing there in a white bathrobe, his blonde hair tousled and wet from the shower.
Reese stood up and started for the hallway. "I'll let you two talk," she said as she disappeared into the guest bedroom. Ryan and I both watched her go and then Ryan turned back towards me.
"Have you decided already?" he asked, his eyes a mixture of dread and hope.
"Why didn't you tell me Reese came with you?" I asked, still feeling a little jealous.
"I had other things on my mind, Seth. Like trying not to lose you. It wouldn't have looked right if we'd announced our engagement and then I'd flown off to California and left her. Besides, it was easier to get time off from the movie if we both asked for it," Ryan explained, coming over to the sofa and sitting down next to me.
"Okay. Sorry if I sounded like a jealous boyfriend," I smiled weakly.
"Seth, you have a right to sound and act any way you want. I'm the one who's messed everything up, both for you and for Reese," Ryan sighed.
"Ryan, I love you. I can't imagine my life without you in it," I said simply. Ryan looked at me, his face uncertain.
"Does that mean yes?" he asked.
"It means that I'm not giving up on us. I don't know yet about moving in with you and Reese. That might be too difficult for me, considering everything that's gone on," I said.
Ryan leaned forward and pulled me into another hug. After a few seconds he pulled back and brought his mouth to mine, his tongue dancing it's way into my mouth. I placed on hand on the back of his head, running my fingers through his wet hair.
"It's going to work out, Seth. I promise. I love you too much for it not to," Ryan whispered when we broke away for breath.
I laid my head on his shoulder and sighed. "I trust you Ryan. When do the two of you have to leave for New York?"
"We have a flight later tonight," Ryan sighed. "But things have been going really well on the movie, so it shouldn't be all that much longer. Then I'll be back here and..."
"And we'll see what happens from there," I said softly.
"Hopefully you'll move in here with me, Seth. I need you so much. I can't stand the thought of being in the same city and not being with you every night," Ryan sighed.
"I know. But it would be so awkward, Ryan. Having to see Reese every morning and every night, knowing she's your wife. And the two of you will have to go out to all the premieres and all the parties together. Have you thought of that? What will I be doing then? Sitting here alone," I sighed, feeling another wave of sadness come over me.
Ryan kissed my neck gently. "Don't think about all of that. Maybe you can go with us," he said. In spite of everything, I laughed.
"Oh, right! That wouldn't cause any suspicion, would it? Me trailing you and Reese everywhere you went, standing between you in all the publicity photos of the happy newlyweds," I said.
"I didn't mean it like that. We could get you a date. Or you could take AJ or one of the other actresses from the show. Besides, we're not going to be going to every event. The press can just think of us as one of those married couples who prefer to stay at home with a good book," Ryan said, kissing my neck again.
"Mr. Phillippe, control yourself. Your fiancee is in the other room," I laughed as Ryan began to nibble on my earlobe.
"But my soul mate is right here with me," Ryan whispered. I sat up and looked into his sparkling blue eyes. I smiled and his devilish grin quickly spread across his face.
"I've missed you, you know. A lot," he said, running one hand along my thigh in a teasing way.
"Oh, really? I haven't missed you all that much. What with all the gala events I attend and all the good looking men slipping me their numbers," I joked, waving a hand carelessly in the air.
"Hey, not funny! I'm sure a lot of guys would slip you their numbers if they had a chance," Ryan said, pretending to pout.
"But I wouldn't call any of them," I smiled, running my hand into his robe and caressing his chest.
"Maybe we should go to my bedroom before things get too out of hand. We wouldn't want anyone walking in on us," Ryan smiled.
"Sounds like a good idea to me," I said. We both got up and walked quietly down the hall, past the door to Reese's room, and closed Ryan's door behind us. As soon as it was shut, Ryan pulled me into a deep kiss.
"God, I've missed you," Ryan moaned as he began to unbutton my shirt. I reached for the tie to his robe and let it fall open, displaying his perfect body in the afternoon sunlight that came through the bedroom window.
Ryan quickly undid my pants and I pulled off my shoes and then my boxer briefs, as Ryan dropped the robe completely. We were left standing there in the middle of the room, each drinking in the sight of the other as if we'd been apart for years.
Ryan moved towards me and guided me back to the bed. He started kissing my neck again and then moved his mouth down to my nipples, making me moan with delight. After a few moments of that, he continued to kiss his way farther down my torso, until his mouth reached my hard cock.
I sighed in pure ecstasy as Ryan took me down his throat slowly, inch by inch. He then began to move his head up and down with a sensuous rhythm that soon began to drive me out of my mind.
"Oh...Ryan...God," I groaned, feeling nothing in the world except Ryan's mouth and the magic it was working on my body. Ryan continued his motions, slipping one hand between my ass cheeks as he did so. I gasped as his finger slowly made it's way inside of me and began to move in and out gently.
"Ryan.." I said softly as I arched my back off the bed and began to cum inside of his mouth. The intense pleasure seemed to last for hours, but I finally came back down to Earth slowly and found Ryan lying next to me on the bed, running one hand through my hair and looking at me with love.
"That was incredible, Ryan," I sighed.
"You're incredible, Seth. I want to make love to you," Ryan kissed me on the forehead.
I nodded silently, smiling. Ryan rolled off the bed and returned quickly with a condom. I moaned again as I felt his fingers slip inside of me, spreading the lubricant. Then, Ryan slipped my legs under his arms and leaned forward, easing his cock inside of me.
Ryan moved slowly, tenderly. There was nothing hurried or frenzied about this. There was no other term to describe it but Making Love. Ryan's mouth met mine as he continued the steady rhythm and I stared up into his eyes, intense with pleasure and love.
After several minutes, Ryan suddenly stiffened and raised his head. "I love you," he gasped, and then collapsed back down on top of me. He kissed my lips softly and smiled before putting his head face down into the pillow, next to mine.
As I ran my hand up and down his back and felt his chest rise and fall against my own with each breath, I knew that I'd made the right decision. I might end up regretting it one day, but it was the only choice I had. I was in love with Ryan, and nothing could change that. Not Reese becoming Mrs. Phillippe, not a baby, not even death. Ryan was a part of me, he was half my soul.
****I'd like to apologize for the long delay. I was on Spring Vacation for a week and spent awhile after I got back working on a different part 10, which some of you may have read before it was removed, because of the demand for a new episode. I'm sorry for the delay and the confusion, but here is the REAL part 10. Hopefully it's enough to make up for the wait.
Send comments or suggestions to justins_boy@hotmail.com