****This story is completely fictional. It is not meant to imply anything about the sexuality of the real Ryan Phillippe or about any of the other people mentioned. Nor is it meant to be representative of the relationship of the real Ryan and Reese.
"Thanks," I said, smiling at the waitress as she seated me. I glanced around the restaurant, alight with the warm afternoon sun. I'd been in town long enough now that whenever I looked at any group of people, I automatically looked for anyone who was someone before I studied the rest. It may sound like snobbery, but I was well aware that I myself fit in the category of 'the rest' and probably always would.
"Can I get you something to drink while you look at the menu?" the waitress asked. I interrupted my perusal of the others diners and looked up at her. An actress, of course. Nearly everyone you met in town was an aspiring actor, actress, writer, director, etc.
"I'll have a coke, please. And I'll wait to order until my friend gets here," I smiled. Jotting down a notation on the receipt, she nodded and left me in peace to finish looking around.
One of the stars of Ally McBeal was sitting on the other side of the room with a man in a suit that just screamed 'Agent'. A few tables down from them was an actress who'd hit it big in the movies in the late eighties and early nineties, even winning an Oscar, but after several well publicized flops, she hadn't worked in awhile. Everything about her called out for attention, and it was obvious that she was trying to be noticed while pretending to be absorbed in a script that lay before her on the table.
"Seth? Hi," AJ's voice broke into my thoughts as she sat down across from me. "Am I late?"
"Nope, right on time in fact. How's everything?" I asked.
"Pretty good. How about you? Everything okay with Ryan?"
"It's more than okay. It's Heaven on Earth," I smiled.
"Really? That's great. I can't believe the three of you, just living together like one big happy family," AJ shook her head, looking amused.
"I know. It's definitely not Norman Rockwell material, but it works out really well for us. We're all happy. Ryan's working on his next movie, Reese is getting everything ready for the baby and the wedding, and I just finished the script I was working on," I said.
The waitress returned with my drink and two menus just in time to hear the last of my words. Glancing at me with real interest for the first time and then obviously recognizing AJ as a fellow actress who'd actually made it, she carefully set down my drink. Looking over her shoulder, as if afraid she'd be caught, she quickly ripped part of a receipt out of her book and scribbled something on it.
"If you need an actress, I'm available," she smiled, handing me the piece of paper with her name and number. Then, resuming a blase attitude of a busy waitress, "Let me know when you're ready to order."
"Ugh. I remember those days all too well," AJ sighed as we watched the waitress walk away.
"Yeah, but look at you now," I said.
"And look at her," AJ nodded in the direction of the Oscar winning has-been. "It won't be long before she's back in the position that waitress is in. Oh, she'll probably have the money not to have to work, but she'll still be begging for acting jobs, if she's not already. Kind of makes you think, huh?"
"Yeah. But listen. You didn't ask me to lunch to ponder the fickleness of the business, did you? I haven't seen you forever!" I smiled, changing the subject.
"Forever, huh? Didn't we got to a club opening together about two weeks ago? I know I remember Ryan being there, so I guess you were, too," AJ grinned.
"Oh, thanks! But that was different. We didn't really get a chance to talk or anything. As much as I love not having to panic every day over scripts and scenes that don't work, I can't wait to get back to it all," I admitted.
"I know. Me too," AJ said. We gestured towards the waitress and ordered our lunch. Once we were alone again, AJ sighed.
"Have you heard from Scott?"
"Your Scott? Or Simon's Scott?" I asked, taking a sip from my drink.
"I guess you haven't then," AJ said. Seeing the confused look on my face, she continued. "Simon and Scott are finished. It happened last weekend."
"Oh, no. What went wrong? They seemed so happy!" I said, feeling shocked. Poor Scott. He'd been so in love the last time I'd seen him, at the club.
"I don't know the exact details or anything. I ran into Simon at the gym, and he was telling me all about his pilot getting picked up for next season. I said something about how happy Scott must be for him, and that's when he told me they'd broken up," AJ explained.
"Have you talked to Scott at all?"
"I called him as soon as I got home that day, but he didn't really want to talk about it. Just said that he was okay and that it had been a mutual decision."
"I don't believe that. Scott was so happy with Simon," I said, shaking my head. "Maybe I should call him."
"I don't know if that's such a good idea, Seth," AJ said.
"Why not? Scott's my friend, AJ. I'm worried about him."
"Seth, listen. Scott just got out of the first and only real relationship he's ever had. He's probably going through a lot, and seeing you might make it worse. You know how he felt about you. I think, in spite of what he felt for Simon, that a lot of those feelings are still there," AJ's voice was calm and reasonable, like she was trying to convince a wilful child of something important.
"But AJ, I've got to do something. I'm probably the only person who knows exactly what he's feeling," I said.
"Why do you say that? I think most of us know what it's like when your first serious relationship ends," AJ pointed out.
"Yeah. But you don't know what's it's like for someone who's kept his real self hidden away for most of his life. When you first take that step to tell someone the truth about yourself, and they accept you and return your feelings.... It's not exactly like the first time a guy and a girl get together, AJ," I said, trying to explain the feelings involved to someone who just couldn't really know what they were like.
AJ sighed. "Okay. I see what you mean, I guess. But I still don't know if it's such a great idea, Seth."
"What am I supposed to do, avoid Scott from now on just because he broke up with Simon? He's my friend!" Before AJ could reply, the waitress returned with our food. We both waited in silence until she'd gone again.
"Seth, listen. I'm not trying to upset you. And I'm not saying you shouldn't see Scott. I just think you need to give him time. He needs to deal with things on his own. Seeing you will just be another reminder of what he doesn't have. When he's come to terms with things, it'll be different," AJ said softly, looking across the table at me earnestly.
Was she right? I certainly didn't want to add to the pain I knew Scott must be going through. At the same time, though, I didn't want him to have to go through everything alone. Then again, he hadn't called me or asked for my help in any way, so maybe he didn't want or need it.
"All right, AJ. You're probably right. I'll let things settle down before I see him," I said. AJ smiled and reached across the table, putting her hand on mine.
"You're a great friend, Seth. You care a lot about everyone around you. That's pretty rare, especially in this town."
"No, it's not. You're the same way, and so is Scott," I smiled.
"And Ryan?"
"Of course! Ryan is the greatest guy on the planet, AJ. You must know that by now!" I laughed.
"Oh, I think everyone does. In fact, I was reading that in the newspaper just this morning. 'Ryan Phillippe voted Universe's Number One Guy', or something like that," AJ said.
"I wouldn't doubt it for a minute," I replied.
"You're really in love, aren't you? I mean, I knew right from the beginning that you loved this guy, but I had no idea just how deeply. It's amazing, Seth. I hope...." AJ's words trailed off.
"You hope what?" I asked softly, feeling certain I knew what she'd been going to say.
"Nothing. I was just going to say that I hope I find that kind of love some day," AJ's smile didn't reach her eyes, which looked pensive.
"Is everything okay with you and Scott?" I asked, worried. Surely her relationship wasn't faltering, too?
"It's fine. I just... I don't know, Seth. I like Scott a lot. I even love him. But I don't think I love him as much as I should."
"AJ, you've got to give these things time," I said.
"Do you? What about you and Ryan? Did you have to give that time, Seth? Or did you feel right from the beginning that you were in love? Like you couldn't even breathe if you weren't with him?" AJ asked. I stared at her, uncertain what to say. My feelings for Ryan had been very strong right from the beginning, it was true.
"AJ, not all love starts out that way," I finally said.
"I know. It's just.... well, Scott feels that way about me, Seth. I know he does. But I don't feel that way about him. I have a lot of fun with him and everything, and I care for him. But I don't think I'm head over heels in love with him, like you are with Ryan," AJ sighed.
"Can I get you anything else?" the waitress returned, butting into our conversation once again. I shook my head without turning to look at her, my eyes still on AJ, who was looking down at her plate.
"Seth, I'm sorry. God, I never intended to say any of that! This was just supposed to be a carefree little lunch with a friend. I don't know what came over me," AJ said, shaking her head and attempting to smile.
"AJ, if that's how you really feel-"
"I don't know how I feel, Seth. I'm an actress, okay? I go through every emotion known to man on a regular basis. Is it any wonder I'm confused?" AJ interrupted, laughing unconvincingly. The look in my eyes must have told her that I didn't buy her attempt to laugh everything off.
"Listen, Seth. Don't worry about all of this, okay? It'll work itself out. Now, if we're going to make it to a movie, we'd better get going. I'll just run to the ladies room really quick, all right?"
I sighed as I watched AJ walk across the restaurant and turn the corner. Scott Foley and Simon were history, and AJ didn't feel the same way towards Scott Speedman that he felt towards her. I'd been going around for the last several weeks, feeling happy and confident in my own relationship with Ryan and also feeling an almost paternal feeling towards the happy relationships of my closest friends. Now that I knew the truth, I felt a sense of personal failure.
"Well, hello. We've got to stop meeting like this," Scott Wolf grinned as he sat down in AJ's empty seat. In my preoccupation over everything AJ had told me, I hadn't seen Scott come in.
"Yes, we really do," I said, my voice making it clear that I didn't mean it as a casual opening line. "That seat is taken, and we're leaving anyway."
"You and Ryan?" Scott asked, glancing around the restaurant.
"No." I said, not bothering to elaborate.
"If I were Ryan, I wouldn't want to let you out of my sight for a minute," Scott grinned, his eyes once again taking in the upper half of my body that he could see above the table.
"Well thankfully you're not Ryan, Scott. Let me just get one thing across to you, okay? I have no interest in you at all, and I never will. I'm very happy in my relationship, and nothing's going to change that." I made a point of looking him directly in the eye, hoping my point would reach him successfully this time.
"Don't worry. I don't want to interfere with your relationship. I couldn't care less about you and Ryan living happily ever after. But hey, Ryan doesn't have to know everything, does he? And what he doesn't know won't hurt him," Scott smiled, putting his famed dimples on display.
"You really are an asshole, you know that?" I asked, smiling back pleasantly as if I'd just paid him a compliment. I was very much aware that we were in a very public place and that quite a few eyes had been on Scott since his arrival.
"Tell me, does Ryan still do that little trick I taught him? With the ice cube?" Scott asked, still smiling.
"What Ryan does is none of your business any more, Scott. Personally I don't think you ever cared anyway," I said, struggling not to let him get to me.
"Oh, I did care. He's quite an animal between the sheets, isn't he? Insatiable! We had a lot of fun together," Scott said. "Of course, he was still pretty raw then. You know, just a couple of flings when he was in high school. I was his first, really. The first that counted. I taught him just about everything he knows. So, you should be really grateful."
"I was wrong, Scott. You're not an asshole. Words can't even describe what you are," I said, seething inside but attempting to keep a polite smile on my face, which I could feel flushing with anger.
"Oh, come on. I know Ryan must have told you about me. Don't you want to find out first hand what it's like, so you can compare notes?"
I stood up quickly, feeling a white hot anger flush through my body. I'd never wanted to smash my fist into anyone's face as much as I did at that moment.
"Seth? Are you ready? Oh, hi," AJ smiled, returning to the table and taking in the scene. "I'm Amy Jo Johnson. We've met a few times, at parties." She held her hand out to Scott, who took it and smiled up at her in his most charming manner.
"Of course. I know who you are. It's nice to see you again."
"Excuse me. Mr. Wolf, would you like me to show you to your table now? Or should I bring another chair over for this table?" the waitress asked in her most ingratiating manner, making the words Mr. Wolf sound akin to Your Majesty.
"No, that won't be necessary. We were just on our way out," I said through my teeth, trying to smile once again. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw AJ glance at me curiously, but I kept my attention focused on Scott.
"I'll see you later. Say hi to Ryan for me, will you?" Scott smiled, standing up to be shown to his table. I felt my hand clenching itself into a fist, my fingers digging into the skin on the palm of my hand.
"Nice to see you again, Amy Jo," Scott said as he followed the waitress to the other side of the room. AJ nodded and then turned to look at me, her face a mask of curiosity. I just shook my head and threw some cash down on the table to cover the check before making my way outside.
I took a few deep breaths of smog filled air, trying to calm down. AJ joined me and put a hand on my shoulder. "Seth? What's going on? You looked like you were ready to kill the guy!"
"Let's just say I'm not a Party of Five fan," I smiled weakly. "Come on, we'd better get going. Don't want to miss the movie!"
AJ opened her mouth to say something further, but then obviously changed her mind. "Okay. Come on, the popcorn's on me."
I didn't hear the door open, so the first indication I had of not being alone was the warm feeling of Ryan's lips pressing softly against mine.
"Reese, we can't. Ryan will be home soon," I joked, keeping my eyes closed. I was lying on our bed with all the lights out, my head pounding with a painful headache.
"Very funny," Ryan laughed, placing his hand gently on my chest. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine. It's just a little headache," I smiled, opening my eyes and looking up into his.
"Oh, sure. I see how it is. Just like with old married couples. 'Not tonight, Ryan, I have a headache.'" Ryan grinned, his blue eyes twinkling.
"Like a headache would stop me!" I said, taking hold of the front of his shirt and pulling him down for a kiss.
"Do you know that that was about the ten thousandth kiss I've had today? And it was the first one I've enjoyed," Ryan smiled when we'd pulled apart. He was lying across my chest, his fingers playing with my hair.
"It better have been! I can't watch any of your movies any more, you know that? It makes me too jealous to see you kissing all those women," I smiled.
"Really? I guess coming to my next premiere is out then, huh?"
"Oh, I guess I could close my eyes during the sex scenes," I laughed. Ryan smiled and lightly kissed the tip of my nose.
"How was your afternoon with AJ?" he asked. I felt the smile slowly fade from my face, like someone had flicked a light switch.
"It was okay," I said. Ryan sat up, looking down at me with a worried expression on his face.
"What happened?" I sighed and rolled over onto my side, facing away from Ryan. My head was pounding again, even worse than it had all through the movie I'd seen with AJ.
"Nothing, really. Nothing we need to worry about," I replied, staring into the darkness.
"Seth, what's going on? Tell me what happened. It's obviously upsetting you," Ryan said, his voice filled with concern. I felt the mattress shift as he scooted over next to me, his hand resting on my shoulder. "Please talk to me."
"It's no big deal, Ryan. I ran into Scott Wolf again, that's all. He just really knows how to push all my buttons," I sighed.
Ryan's lips brushed against my temple. "Damn him. What did he say this time?" he asked softly.
"It's not important, Ryan. He was just being a real asshole and I let him get to me. It's over, though. Next time I'll just walk away before he has a chance to open his mouth," I said.
"I'm so sorry, Seth," Ryan sighed, his warm breath on my cheek as he rested his head on my shoulder.
"Ryan, you don't have anything to be sorry for!" I said, turning over again to face him.
"Yes, I do. I shouldn't have ever been involved with him to begin with. Any idiot can see through his game, but not me. Oh, no. I fell for it," Ryan's words became bitter. "Now he's out to prove he can get you into bed, too, if he wants to."
"Well, he can't. You know that," I said, leaning forward to kiss his lips softly.
"Yeah, I know. I just wish you didn't have to go through all of this every time you see him," Ryan sighed.
"I can handle it, Ryan. Besides, Scott wasn't the only thing that upset me today," I said.
"What else happened?" Ryan asked, lightly caressing my cheek with his fingers.
"Well, Simon and Scott broke up, and I think Scott's taking it pretty hard," I explained. "And AJ doesn't think I should see him until he's had time to work through it all on his own."
"Why?"
"You know how he felt about me. AJ thinks that maybe seeing me would be a reminder of all that while he's still trying to deal with losing Simon. I guess she's right. I just feel I should be there for him, though."
"Poor guy. I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like for me if I lost you," Ryan said. I looked into his eyes and smiled.
"You'll never lose me, so don't even try to imagine it."
"Promise?"
"Of course," I said. Ryan brought his mouth to mine again and we kissed for a few minutes. It felt wonderful just lying there, his arms wrapped around me, looking into his eyes and seeing the love in them.
"Hey, I do have some good news, though!" Ryan said after our lips had parted and we'd laid there for a few moments, staring at each other and smiling.
"What?"
"My people set up a meeting about your script," Ryan said the words casually, but I could tell he was excited.
"Already?" I asked, sitting up in surprise. Ryan followed suit and nodded as he did so.
"Yep. A week from today," he smiled.
"Who with?"
"Miramax," Ryan grinned. I couldn't believe my ears! Despite Ryan's confidence in the script, I'd seriously doubted it would get very far.
"Oh my God. I can't believe it!" I said, shaking my head.
"Believe it, babe. I never doubted it for a minute! I'm sure Miramax will buy it," Ryan said.
"This is incredible! Ryan, I don't know how to thank you!" I almost felt like crying, I was so happy. My dreams were coming true, and all because of this wonderful man.
"Seth, you're the one who wrote it. I just had my people send it out and let it be know that I was interested in making it," Ryan said.
"Oh, that's ALL, huh? Ryan, that's the only reason anyone even looked at it to begin with!"
"Well, you don't have to thank me. I'm doing it for selfish reasons. I want that movie, Seth. It could make my career. Besides, I want you to be happy. I love you!" Ryan whispered.
"I love you, too. More than anything!" Ryan leaned forward and pulled me into yet another kiss. Before we even needed to pull away for air, though, there was a knock at the bedroom door.
Ryan groaned a little, looking into my eyes. "Yeah?" he called out.
"Can I come in for a second?" Reese's voice came through the closed door, sounding hesitant.
"I don't know... Seth's got me naked and tied to the bed, but if that doesn't bother you...." Ryan called out.
"Ryan!! Yes, Reese, you can come in!" I yelled, smacking Ryan playfully.
Reese opened the door and came in about two steps. The room was still dark. "You can turn on the light, Reese. We're decent," I said.
"I'm really sorry to interrupt," Reese said as she flicked the switch. The room was flooded with bright light and I squinted my eyes in pain.
"That's okay. What's up?" Ryan asked.
"Well, theres someone here to see Seth. At least... I think that's why he's here. It's kind of hard to tell," Reese said.
"What? I didn't even hear the doorbell. Who is it?" I asked.
"He didn't ring the doorbell. He's asleep in his car out in the driveway," Reese explained.
"Who?" I asked.
"Scott... um... I don't know which one, I can't keep them straight. One of the Scotts from your show," Reese said. She was obviously very embarrassed to have had to come in while Ryan and I were alone, especially since she'd found us with the lights out. She didn't seem to quite know where to look.
"Oh God. It must be Scott Foley," I said, looking at Ryan. "Thanks, Reese. I'll go see what's going on."
"Do you want me to come out with you?" Ryan asked.
"No. I think I should go out alone. It would probably be easier for him that way," I said.
"What's going on?" Reese asked.
"He broke up with his boyfriend," I explained as I pulled on my shoes and headed for the front door. Scott's car was parked in the driveway at an angle, it's front end pointing not at the garage doors as it should have, but sideways towards the lawn and the front door of the house.
Scott's face was pressed up against the driver's side window, his eyes closed in sleep. I made my way around to the passenger side, but the door was locked. Going back around, I knocked lightly on the glass, but Scott didn't move at all. I knocked a little harder, but still there was no sign of life.
Sighing, I took hold of the door handle and quickly pulled the door open. Scott fell out, into my arms. Even though I'd been ready for the impact, he was heavier than I'd expected and I tumbled over into the yard, Scott on top of me. Even falling from the car didn't awaken him, and I could easily tell why. He stank of alcohol, and there was a half empty bottle visible on the seat of the car.
I rolled him over onto the grass and stood up. I went back into the house for Ryan, and together we half carried, half dragged the inert body of my friend into the house and deposited him on the sofa.
"Oh, boy. Looks like we've got company for the night, huh?" Ryan asked. I nodded, my eyes on Scott's unshaven face. He looked terrible, like he hadn't slept in days until this alcohol induced coma. "I'll go get some blankets."
Almost as soon as Ryan had left the room, Scott slowly opened his eyes. After a few seconds, they focused on me and Scott started to struggle to sit up.
"Seth! How you doin? Why're you in my apartment?" Scott asked, slurring his words.
"I'm not. You're at my house, Scott. Mine and Ryan's," I said softly.
Scott started to giggle and fell back over on his side. "You're so cute! Ryan's lucky, you know. Lucky, lucky Ryan. Ryan," Scott said, his voice starting to drift off a little, like he was falling back to sleep.
Just when I thought he'd dozed off, though, Scott sat back up. "You know who else is cute? Simon. Simon's cute, don't you think?" I nodded my agreement. Scott was obviously taking things harder than even I had thought he would be.
"Simon made videos, you know," Scott said, leaning back on the sofa. I looked up at Ryan, who'd returned with a blanket and pillow and was standing quietly against the wall.
"Scott, it's going to be fine. You need to get some sleep now, okay? Things will look better in the morning," I said soothingly.
"The morning? Okay. Whatever you say, Seth. You're cute, you know. Lucky Ryan. Did you know that I had a boyfriend, Seth? His name was Simon. Do you know Simon?" Scott continued on, his eyes closed. I looked helplessly at Ryan, who shook his head sadly.
"Yes, Scott. I know Simon. Come on, lay down. You need to get some rest," I said, putting my hands on his shoulders to guide him to lie down.
"All right. Rest. The rest is history," Scott started giggling again. "Simon is history. Did you know that? He made videos, you know. Can't be with me, because he made videos."
"Okay, Scott. Lie down," I said. Ryan came forward with the blanket and covered Scott with it while I slipped the pillow under his head.
"What're you doing here?" Scott asked, opening his eyes and looking at me again. "Did I let you in?"
"Shh. Scott, go to sleep," I said. Scott nodded and closed his eyes again. Ryan and I stood there for a few minutes, until we were sure he was asleep. Then we quietly made our way back to our bedroom.
"My God. Ryan, he's a mess. What are we going to do?" I asked, leaning against him for comfort.
"I don't know. He's probably just letting off steam, though. A lot of people get drunk at times like those," Ryan said, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me to him tightly.
"I can't believe this. Poor Scott," I sighed, a tear slowly rolling down my cheek.
Ryan pulled me even closer and kissed the side of my head. "Thank God I have you Seth. I think about what my life would be like without you, and that's it. Out there, on the sofa. That would be me if you'd left me over this whole thing with Reese."
I wrapped my own arms tightly around Ryan and we stood there for a long time, holding each other in the dark, thinking of all the terrible 'might have been's and silently thanking fate, destiny, God, or whatever it was that had allowed us to find each other and stay together.
***** 13 is such an unlucky number, I almost didn't want to write this one! I hope you'll enjoy the story anyway! Send comments to justins_boy@hotmail.com