****This story is completely fictional. It is not meant to imply anything about the sexuality of the real Ryan Phillippe or about any of the other people mentioned. Nor is it meant to be representative of the relationship of the real Ryan and Reese.
"Action!" That one simple word brought the silent set to life as I stood quietly in the shadows, watching as AJ and Kerri Russell vanished in an instant and were replaced by Julie and Felicity, their characters.
It had been a very hectic week and every person on the set was unconsciously holding their breath, hoping that this would be the last take needed on the final scene.
"And Cut! Print. That's it ladies, very well done," The director announced, genuine happiness in his voice at being finished. The soundstage burst into mild applause and several voices suddenly talking at once. The week's show was in the can.
"I'm so tired," AJ sighed as she made her way towards me and laid her head on my shoulder, pretending to fall asleep.
"Tell me about it. I may fall asleep on the drive home," I smiled, rocking her back and forth a little.
"If you keep that up, I'm going to fall asleep right here," AJ laughed.
"Good night guys, see you later," Kerri gave us a friendly wave as she passed us, heading in the direction of her dressing room. We both smiled and nodded back at her. Things had been tense around the set ever since Kerri's well publicised walk out and her demand for a larger salary at the beginning of shooting for the season, but everything was slowly getting back to normal now.
"Any plans for the rest of the evening? Romantic candle light dinner? Stroll on the beach? Moonlight serenade?" AJ asked flippantly.
"Just a date with my bed. I'm going to be dead to the world the minute I hit the pillow," I smiled.
"Won't Ryan be disappointed?"
"We've both had full schedules lately. I doubt he's even home yet," I sighed.
"Trouble in paradise?" AJ asked, her voice half joking and half concerned.
"No. Nothing like that. We've both just been really busy. I think I've seen him for a total of 10 minutes this week. But he's not shooting tomorrow, so we're going to make a day of it," I smiled at the thought.
"Uh huh. You probably won't even get out of bed," AJ grinned.
"Such a dirty mind," I laughed. "Well, we do have a whole week to make up for."
"Spare me the details, lover boy. It's bad enough that you've got a hottie like Ryan while I'm committed to the role of Ms. Lonely Heart," AJ grinned again.
"Somehow, I doubt you'll be alone long, AJ," I smiled, stifling a yawn of pure exhaustion.
"Thanks. I see I'm boring you so I'll say goodnight," AJ smiled. "Call me tomorrow, okay? Provided you do manage to get out of bed."
"You got it. Drive safely," I smiled, kissing her cheek. I watched her walk away and sighed, feeling another little stab of sadness at the way things had turned out.
A month earlier, just before we'd begun shooting our second season, AJ and Scott Speedman had decided that they were better suited as friends than lovers. Their break up had been completely amicable and so far there hadn't even been a trace of the usual 'oh God, we used to date so now it's all awkward' syndrome.
At least the two of them were still friends, though, and neither had taken the break up too badly, unlike Scott Foley. Over two months had passed since Scott's break up with Simon, but I'd still managed to make no progress at finding out just what the cause had been. Scott had more or less become the same person he'd always been, but there was a new sadness to him and I knew that his heart was still very broken.
Not that he'd ever talk about it with me, or anyone else for that matter. It had quickly become an accepted fact that Simon Rex was a non-subject where Scott Foley was concerned, something you just didn't even mention around him.
I made my way to the writers office slowly, my legs feeling almost too heavy to move. There'd been an unbelievable number of difficulties with the script this week and everyone involved with the show had been working on it non stop.
I checked the time and then picked up the phone. Reese answered on the fifth ring, sounding out of breath.
"Reese? Everything okay?" I asked, worried. Her due date wasn't all that far off, after all.
"Seth? Yeah, I'm fine. It's just a little hard to get off the sofa sometimes," Reese laughed.
"I'm on my way home. Do you need anything?" I asked, knowing that her cravings always seemed to be worse at night. I certainly didn't feel like having to go out again once I was home. All I wanted to do was sleep for the next few years.
"No, I'm fine. Hard day?" Reese asked.
"You could say that, yeah," I sighed. "Are you sure you don't need me to stop and pick anything up?"
"Positive. Just come home and crawl into bed and go to sleep. I know what it's like to have a long day on the set," Reese said.
"Okay. Ryan's not home yet, I suppose?" I asked.
"Not yet, no. It's still pretty early, though. For him, I mean."
"Yeah. All right, I'll be home shortly. Bye." I hung up, smiling despite the intense feeling of weariness that had been building all day. It was nice to have people to go home to, a family really. In the few months that Ryan and Reese had been married the three of us had really developed some sort of a close bond that could only ever exist in a place like Hollywood.
"Seth? What are you still doing here? Don't you think you've worked hard enough for one day?" Scott Foley's voice broke into my thoughts and I looked up to see him standing in the doorway, smiling.
"One day? Scott, I've worked enough for a lifetime this week! We all have," I grinned.
"I know. You look exhausted, man. Go home and get some sleep," Scott instructed me, his mouth smiling but his eyes never losing that look of sadness that was with him constantly now, except when the cameras were rolling.
"Why are you still here? Didn't they shoot your last scene a few hours ago?" I asked, watching his face closely. Ever since the night he'd shown up at our house drunk, I'd found myself watching Scott whenever I was around him, hoping that he'd give me some sign that he was ready to talk about what had happened with Simon. The fact that he hadn't, that he was still carrying everything around inside of him, worried me a lot.
"Yeah. I had some calls to make and then I got engrossed in a movie script my agent sent over," Scott explained. "I'm on my way out now, though. Walk to me to my car?"
Neither of us talked as we walked down the darkened hallway and out into the studio parking lot, but as we made our way towards our cars, Scott suddenly began to laugh.
"What's so funny?"
"I was just thinking of that night when I gave you a ride back to your apartment. Do you remember? I kept going on and on about the hot date you'd had, hoping you'd give me some clue as to whether it was with a guy or a woman," Scott chuckled.
"That's what you were doing? You looked so surprised, though, when you heard the message on my machine from Ryan and realized I was gay! I had no idea you suspected before that!"
"Suspected, no. Hoped, yes," Scott grinned. For a moment, his eyes matched his face and he looked happy, but it passed quickly.
"You know, if one of us had just had the nerve to make a move on the other before I met Ryan...." I smiled, letting my words trail off.
"Yeah, I know. We'd be going back to my place right now, only it'd be our place and it wouldn't be so damn empty there."
"I'm sorry, Scott. That was a stupid thing for me to say. I-"
"No, it wasn't! I'm sorry, Seth. It's just been a long week, that's all," Scott tried to pass it off with a smile.
"Yeah. Listen, I was thinking. Maybe you'd like to come over tomorrow afternoon and we could do something. I'll call AJ and Scott, and Ryan and Reese don't have anything going tomorrow either. We'll all have some fun. We'll need it, after this week. What do you say?"
"Thanks, but I don't think so. I've got to finish this script and I was planning on hitting the gym tomorrow afternoon. You know how it is. Maybe some other time, okay?" Scott said as we reached his car.
"Are you sure? Come on, it'll be fun. We can just hang out around the pool all day and if you really want to work out, we've got a gym right there in the house," I said, trying to interest him.
"Some other time, Seth. Good night." Scott opened the door to his car and got in.
"Scott, this isn't healthy. You're going to have to talk about all of this sometime, you know. You can't go on closing that part of your life off from everyone forever," I pleaded as he started to close the car door. He stopped and looked up at me, his face unreadable. We stared at each other for several moments, my words hanging between us in the warm night air.
"Some things hurt too much to talk about, Seth. I'd really appreciate it if you didn't bring it up again," Scott said. There was no anger in his voice, just sadness, and he shut the door and started the engine before I could reply. I raised my hand in a wave as I watched him drive to the gate, feeling once again like I'd failed Scott as a friend. I was beginning to think that he was never going to open up.
I sighed and walked the short distance to my own car and left the studio and it's problems behind me, for awhile, as I drove home through the darkness.
I moaned, still half asleep, as I felt Ryan's soft lips kissing the back of my neck. It was so wonderful to feel his warm body pressed against mine as I drifted from dreamland back into reality, to feel his hot breath tickling my cheek.
"Mmmm. I must still be dreaming, right?" I sighed happily.
"If you are, you'd better be dreaming about me," Ryan whispered.
"Oh, I am Matt," I whispered back, a smile on my face that I knew Ryan couldn't see.
"Matt? Who's Matt?" Ryan asked, playfully nibbling on my ear. I turned around to face him and felt my heart skip a beat as I looked into his crystal blue eyes.
"Oh, Ryan, it's you," I sighed, pretending to be disappointed. "I was having that really great dream about Matt Damon again."
"Ewww! Matt Damon? I thought you had better taste," Ryan grinned, his eyes sparkling.
"Of course I do. I'm with you, aren't I?" I smiled, kissing him softly on the lips.
"Even in your dreams?" Ryan asked softly.
"Especially in my dreams, lately. Do you know how long it's been since we've woken up together like this?" I asked, running my fingers through his curly hair and making it stand up even more than it usually did in the morning.
"Too long. We should just run away together, Seth. Just you and me on a tropical island for the rest of our lives, sipping drinks from cocoanut shells and watching the sunset. What do you think?" Ryan asked, his fingers beginning to play with my chest.
"I think that if I had you all to myself on a tropical island, we'd do more than sip drinks and watch sunsets," I grinned, running my tongue across his lips slowly.
"Really? Like what?" Ryan asked, putting on a show of childlike innocence.
"Would you like me to demonstrate?" I asked, keeping my face serious.
"You'd better. I don't want to sign up for this whole tropical island thing until I know exactly what I'm getting into," Ryan replied, his eyes flashing with humor but his face just as serious as mine.
"That's very sensible of you, Mr. Phillippe. Well, first of all, there'd be lots of this going on," I said as I brought my mouth to his and slipped my tongue between his lips. We kissed for several seconds and then I pulled away.
"I like it so far," Ryan smiled.
"Good. Let's see. There'd also be a great deal of this," I said as I slowly slid underneath the blankets, kissing my way down Ryan's chest until I reached his black silk boxer shorts. I smiled as I encountered the growing bulge in the front of them and slowly began to work my mouth across it through the silk.
Ryan moaned and raised his hips off the bed as I pulled the shorts down and wrapped my lips around the head of his cock. Stroking him with one hand, I slowly took his cock down my throat, inch by inch, as he groaned. His hand found it's way under the blanket and rested against the back of my head as I continued to suck him slowly and sensuously, enjoying having Ryan in my mouth again after what seemed an eternity.
"Oh, God, Seth. I've missed you so much. Mmmm. Don't stop. It's been so long," Ryan sighed in pleasure and I found myself wanting to see his face as I made him happy.
Ryan groaned again as I released him and worked my way back up until I was laying on top of him, my face inches from his. I brought my mouth to his again for a few moments and then pulled away.
"Make love to me, Ryan. Please," I whispered. He smiled up at me and raised his head a few inches off of the pillow so that he could kiss me again.
"You don't have to say please, Seth," he smiled. He wrapped his arms around me and rolled me over, reversing our positions. I smiled up at him, feeling incredibly safe and content in his arms.
"I could hold you like this for the rest of my life and be perfectly happy," Ryan smiled.
"I love you so much, Ryan," I said softly. He brought his lips to mine once again and then reached across the bed to the nightstand to get the lubricant and then slipped his hand down to remove my boxer briefs.
I sighed as Ryan's fingers applied the lube, and then wrapped my legs around him, pulling him forward. He looked into my eyes as he slid inside of me and whispered,
"I love you, too, Seth. Forever." We began to kiss again as he rocked back and forth slowly, his cock moving in and out of me, sending sensations tingling throughout my body.
We made love to each other without haste, savoring every thrust and every feeling as we slowly began to build towards our climaxes, the rhythm of our bodies unbroken.
"Seth... I'm....ohh," Ryan groaned as he began to cum. Feeling him explode inside of me set off my own eruption, covering both of our stomachs and chests.
We laid there for several minutes, catching our breath and sharing a few more kisses before Ryan finally pulled out of me and rolled over. He leaned over and kissed my damp forehead.
"That was fantastic. I wish I could wake up to this every day," Ryan grinned.
"Me, too. You're such a great lover, Ryan. Do you know that? It doesn't really seem fair, does it? You've got talent, looks, charm, a great sense of humor, a kind heart, and you're great in bed. Someone up there sure likes you," I smiled, resting my head against his chest.
"You're a fine one to talk! You've got all of the same things going for you!" Ryan laughed.
"I've got a great man, I know that much," I replied.
"A great finance," Ryan reminded me with a kiss. "Come on, let's hit the showers. I don't think I've sweated this much since my last trip to the steam room at my old gym."
"I think I'll take that as a compliment," I laughed as I followed him across the room to our bathroom.
"What do you want to do today?" Ryan asked a hour later. I was lying back against Ryan on the sofa and Reese was sitting in the chair across from us, looking through a parenting magazine.
"Nothing. I want to sit around with absolutely nothing on my mind but relaxation. And you, of course," I smiled.
"Sounds good to me. Maybe we could go for a swim, though. It's going to be hot today," Ryan replied, kissing the top of my head.
His words reminded me of my conversation with Scott Foley the night before and I sighed as I pictured his face and the loneliness and sadness that I'd seen in his eyes.
"Maybe we should have some friends over," Reese suggested, as if reading my thoughts. "A sort of informal pool party."
"That could be fun. I was just thinking about that, actually, and whether or not I could convince Scott Foley to come," I smiled across at Reese.
"Ryan? What do you say? Pool party?" Reese asked.
"I don't know. I kinda wanted to spend a nice quiet day with Seth. We've barely seen each other this week," Ryan sighed.
"We'll be together, Ryan. We'll just have a few friends around, too. Come on, I've never really met your friends, you know. Are you ashamed of me?" I joked, twisting around to look him in the face.
"You've met some of my friends! And no, I'm not ashamed of you. That could never happen," Ryan smiled.
"I've met Jennifer Love Hewitt in a club for about sixty seconds and Reese. That's really it, you know. What about Seth Green? And Breckin Meyer? The three of you have your own production company, for crying out loud, and I've never even met them," I pretended to pout.
"He's got you there, Ryan!" Reese laughed. "Don't feel bad, Seth. It's not just you. I hardly ever saw his friends when we were dating. Now that we're married, forget it!"
"All right, no fair ganging up on me! Are you sure you're up to it, Reese?" Ryan asked.
"Yes. Let's do it. It gets so boring around here now that I'm not working. Who should we invite?" Reese asked.
"Well, it's kind of last minute, so I guess we shouldn't be too picky," I laughed. "I'll call AJ, the Scotts, Tangi, and a few of my friends from work."
"I'll call Breck and Seth, see if they're up to it. Who else?" Ryan asked.
"Try Love, see if she can come. And Sarah Michelle, I guess. I'll get my address book," Reese struggled out of the chair and went down the hall to her room. I sat up and kissed Ryan's hand.
"Thank you. If I can just get Scott here, it might be just what he needs," I smiled.
"You're too good to be true, Seth Barnes. Always thinking about other people first," Ryan smiled.
"Hardly! Think of it, Ryan. A pool party with Hollywood's finest young studs. That's all I'm thinking of!" I grinned.
"Hey, you're only supposed to have eyes for me!" Ryan laughed as I went to the phone to make the calls.
"Well?" Reese looked up from the snack tray she was preparing in the kitchen. "Did you invite everyone?"
"Sorry, Ree. Love is working on her new show, Sarah Michelle and Seth both have something going on with their show, and Breck's in New York for the week," Ryan sighed.
"Oh. I guess it was kind of last minute. What about you, Seth? Did you get in touch with anyone?" Reese asked, looking very disappointed. I hadn't realized until just that moment how lonely Reese must be feeling.
"AJ's going to come over. Scott Speedman has some post production stuff to do on that movie he made with La Paltrow, though, and no one else was in. Well, I suspect that Scott Foley was in, but he didn't answer his phone."
"Well, at least AJ's coming. I'll have someone to talk to while you two play kissy face all day," Reese smiled.
"Like this, you mean?" Ryan asked as he grabbed the front of my shirt and pulled me into a brief kiss.
"Yeah, yeah. Don't start again!" Reese smiled. Underneath the smile, though, I could see a little of the loneliness still there. If only Scott Foley were straight, they'd make a perfect couple, I reflected.
"Ryan, I'm worried about Scott. He's just not coming out of this the way he should be. He's got to talk to someone."
"Well, you've been patient with him. Maybe he needs someone to make him talk about it, after all. Getting it off his chest is the only way he's going to get over it," Ryan said.
"He's not going to talk about it, though. Not with me or anyone else," I sighed. "If I just knew what had happened with him and Simon, maybe I could help him open up somehow."
"Have you ever thought of asking Simon?" Reese asked.
"Yeah. But that would be like going behind Scott's back. I don't want to put our friendship in danger."
"Seth, maybe he doesn't want to talk to you because of the feelings he has for you. Maybe he needs someone who's more neutral," Reese suggested.
"He doesn't have feelings for AJ, but he won't open up to her either," I pointed out.
"Maybe AJ's just too close to him. Some people have a hard time opening up to friends. They need a stranger to feel comfortable talking about themselves to. That's why so many people go to therapists," Reese said.
"So you think Seth should get Scott to go see a shrink?" Ryan asked.
"No. I don't think he would go. But maybe he'd open up to me," Reese suggested. "He doesn't really know me at all. And what's less threatening than a very pregnant woman?"
I stared at Reese for a few moments, thinking about what she'd said. "Wow. That makes a lot of sense, Reese. I wonder if he'd go for it?"
"There's only one way to find out, right? We've got to get him to come over here. Why don't you call AJ and have her stop by his place on her way here. I think she could convince him to join us."
"Ree, you're scaring me here. You're like Dear Abby all of a sudden. How long have you had all the answers?" Ryan asked, smiling.
"What can I say? I guess it's just a mother's intuition kicking in a little early."
"Stop pacing! You're making me nervous. Not to mention the fact that you keep blocking my sun!" AJ laughed, looking up at me from the deck chair she was lying in next to the pool.
"Sorry. I just wish I knew what was going on in there!" I said, sitting down in the chair next to AJ's with a thud.
"Well, he hasn't run screaming from the house yet and she hasn't come flying through the window, so I think everything is probably okay," AJ smiled.
"I'm still amazed you got him to come with you. I thought it was a long shot," I said, keeping my eyes on the patio door. Reese and Scott were inside somewhere, talking.
"It wasn't easy, let me tell you," AJ sighed. At the same moment, Ryan pulled himself out of the pool, where he'd been swimming laps, with a splash. AJ and I both turned our eyes towards him.
"Life is so unfair!," AJ grinned as she looked at him in his tight swimming trunks.
"Speak for yourself!" I laughed as Ryan ran over and sat down on my lap.
"Mind if I get you wet?" he asked, grinning.
"It's a little late to ask that now," I smiled.
"Oh, I'm sorry," Ryan said sarcastically as he leaned in and kissed me again.
"Is that all you two do?" AJ demanded as she rolled her eyes.
"No, but I don't think it would be polite to demonstrate what else we do in front of guests," Ryan smiled.
"Ryan!" I blushed a little. Before anyone could say anything else, the patio door opened and Reese came out, followed closely by Scott Foley. I looked anxiously at Reese, who nodded her head slightly and smiled.
"Ryan, could you help me bring out the food I made?" Reese asked. "If you could tear yourself away from Seth for a minute, I mean."
"I guess I could manage to be away from him for that long," Ryan sighed dramatically. "I'll miss you, Seth. Promise you won't forget me while I'm gone?"
"Okay, okay, you made you point, lover boy. Come on!" Reese smiled as Ryan pulled me into another kiss and then followed her into the house. Scott watched them, smiling, and then pulled up a chair next to me.
"I know you two have been pretty worried about me since Simon dumped me. I'm sorry I've been so weird about it all. I guess I should have opened up to you guys. You're the best friends I've ever had, but I didn't even want to think about it, let alone talk about what happened," Scott sighed.
"You don't have to now, either, if you don't want to. As long as you talked to someone about it, that's all that matters," AJ assured him.
"Reese is great," Scott smiled. "She's a great listener. I didn't even realize how much I wanted to talk until she got me alone. But now that I've told her, it doesn't seem as awful any more. I think I'm ready to just let it go."
"Thank God. I was so worried that you'd been hurt beyond repair, Scott. You have so much to give, I couldn't bear to see that happen," I said.
"I don't know how soon I'll be giving anything, Seth. I can't see myself getting involved with anyone again. Not for awhile anyway. I guess I should explain what happened, though.
"When Simon and I got together, I was on top of the world. It was the most amazing thing that had ever happened to me. I'd never been in love with someone who returned my feelings. I'd never really been in a serious relationship at all.
"It was going really well, too. Then he got the word that the WB picked up his pilot for this season, Jack & Jill," Scott sighed and shook his head with a sad smile on his face. "I was going to make us a romantic dinner to celebrate. But he came back from a meeting with his manager and that was it. It was over."
"Why?" AJ asked, echoing the question in my own mind.
"Because he made those videos. You know about them. The solo videos he did when he was 18, catering to a gay audience," Scott explained.
"But what-"
"If he was going to be a leading man," Scott interrupted my question, "he couldn't take the risk of dating me. With you and Ryan, Seth, there's always a risk of being found out, but there's also no basis for serious suspicion that Ryan's gay. With Simon, he has a history in gay porn. His managers been promoting the story that Simon was young and naive and just did the videos because he was offered money. If the pilot really takes off, they'll be more scrutiny into his private life and that story has to hold up. He has to distance himself absolutely with anything and everything that could be considered part of the gay lifestyle even more than most actors who are in the closet. A boyfriend is certainly part of the gay lifestyle, don't you think?"
"He dumped you because his manager told him to?" I asked, incredulous.
"Yeah. The worst part wasn't so much being dumped, as being suddenly faced with the shame he felt. Like what we had was a dirty secret that he didn't want found out by anyone. I've always had a difficult time accepting who and what I am. With Simon, it suddenly seemed so right. And then there he was, basically saying that it was a dirty secret and had to end. It made me doubt everything again and hate who I am."
"That prick," AJ was seething with anger towards Simon.
"Scott, not everyone out there is like Simon. You're going to find someone who loves you as much as you love him. Someone who appreciates what he has in you. Simon was a fool," I said.
"Maybe. It just hurt a lot, losing him. I'm not stupid, I didn't expect us to flaunt our relationship. I knew we both had careers to protect. I just didn't realize that his career meant even more to him than I did."
"Anyone hungry?" Reese called out cautiously from the patio door. The three of us looked up and saw Reese and Ryan both standing there, each with a platter of food in their hands.
"I'm starving. I feel like I just woke up from a really bad dream that lasted for months and I haven't' eaten since before I fell asleep," Scott smiled. His eyes were smiling, too, even though there was still sadness in them. For the first time in months, I felt like Scott was going to be okay.
Ryan and Reese set the food down on the table near the pool and while Scott and AJ were both filling plates for themselves I pulled Reese aside and kissed her on the cheek.
"You're my hero," I smiled.
"Just try and remember how much you like me at this moment the next time I wake you up at 2 am to get me something I'm craving, okay?" Reese laughed.
"Hey, you two, I'm starting to get a little jealous," Ryan called out. I turned and walked over to him.
"Ryan, you have nothing to be jealous about. You're my life," I smiled.
"I know that. I meant I was getting jealous seeing someone kiss my wife like that," Ryan flashed me his devilish little grin.
"Oh, really. Can I ask you a question?"
"Anything," Ryan smiled.
"Mind if I get you wet?" I asked as I pushed him backwards into the pool and felt myself falling with him as he grabbed my arm on his way down.
"Backfired, didn't it?" Ryan laughed as we both surfaced in the pool.
"Not really. I like my men wet," I smiled as I brought my mouth to his.
"Not again!" AJ groaned. "Get a room!"
****** There it is, part 16. I know it took nearly two months, and I'm sorry. I'll try to get the next one out faster. Sorry if there are any glaring grammar errors, Hotmail is acting up again.
I'd like to thank the few loyal people who write me about Ryan's Love, especially Tom! I don't think this would have gotten done at all if you hadn't been there to let me know that someone was still interested in reading it! And congratulations to the real life Ryan and Reese, who welcomed their daughter on September 9th. No word yet on her name, but you know she's going to be a beauty with them for parents! Let me know what you think at justins_boy@hotmail.com or justinsboy@yahoo.com!