Single and Sad. Chapter One.
I have known for years.
Since those sex games with Freddy and Lee when I was nine, ten and eleven. We would meet near the old railway track in the thick bushes. Soon the game turned to show us your arse'. All our trousers dropped within seconds. We knew it was going to happen. We knew it was not quite right, our parents must never find out, but we literally couldn't help it. I can still remember that seductive smell as the underpants were slid down. Slightly musky, with a hint of urine and boy sweat. Lee's arse was somehow larger than Freddy's. He was blond and had a sort of down covering his lower back. I found the urge to touch and stroke him irresistible, my hands sliding over the cool, smooth surface. He remained totally silent with his eyes gently closed. Freddy was engaged in rubbing bums' with me at the same time. He would reverse up to me and make circular movements as our cheeks met. I think we all got slightly hard but that was not important. The main enjoyment was the silence and intensity of the touching.
On later occasions we actually put our faces against eachothers' arses and dicks. I remember the intense aroma of Lee's slightly dirty hole as my nose and mouth got within touching distance. I didn't like it but I couldn't help forcing my nose into the crack briefly and lashing out with my tongue into the darkest place. We would rub our semi hard dicks together and once Freddy licked my smooth balls. A sensation I can't forget. I gently pushed forward and he took all of my cock into his warm, active mouth. It never lasted for more than a few seconds and we certainly never `climaxed'. It was regular, short and loving. There was never any mention made of what we did away from the scene of it. It was a genuine, bonding secret. This happened every day for about three summers until we all went to different schools.
I started at my new Grammar school after that last summer. All boys. I found it an intimidating place but had the cheeky personality to survive and prosper. I remember that time in the changing rooms when we were all naked and pretending to play guitar using our dicks as the instruments. The strings were supposed to be our hairs but unfortunately none of us had any. All of a sudden the room went very quiet as the Fifth Form football team came in from practice. They were grown men as far as we were concerned, as tall as our dads. They shut us up with mature glares and proceeded to strip off. All of us stared and I think they were proud of their effect on us. I had never really seen a naked adult before and the image of a row of sixteen-year-old boys, with their hairy dicks wobbling in front of me is fixed in my mind. They were incredible. I wanted to touch them and run my fingers through that hair. I found the hair totally erotic, short and wiry, in a variety of shades not always the same as the owner's head! Their balls swayed as they dried themselves. I wanted to be that age immediately. I knew I preferred to be at a boy's school from that instant.
School went on uneventfully for several years. I developed adequately although my dick never got as big as some others in the class. I had been checking them out in PE lessons for some time. Andy had the most beautiful cock and balls. Circumcised, like me, but perfectly proportioned and with an almost manicured appearance. He had black pubic hair in the neatest of bushes. I also liked Gary's equipment. He was blond and his pubes were only visible close up. His foreskin hung over the end of his dick and I loved the way it pulled back so easily as he dried himself, revealing a shiny pink version of my leathery end. I started wanking at least twice daily, my fantasies always about touching, stroking and sucking the cocks of a variety of naked teens. Being gay was not an option and these feelings were kept completely to myself, my sense of humour deflecting all hints when the subject of sex came up.
I tried going out with a couple of girls when I was fifteen and sixteen. I liked the social side of things, the discos, bowling, cinema and gangs. I can't remember much about the intimate side of these relationships. Perhaps that explains how much I put into them. I still wanked about boys. My family was not saying anything, even if suspicious about my sexuality. They still don't.
I went to college to train as a teacher. No big plan -- I just drifted into it. I shared a room with Dave. He was not confident like me and came from a humble, working class background. He was, however, very ambitious and saw me as a useful ally. We made no attempt to hide ourselves when changing clothes but always went quiet. This was not a time to talk! That quietness reminded me of the games with Lee and Freddy. Pretty soon I was wanking about a naked Dave. I studied art and decided on a plan to get my hands on him. I asked him if he would mind doing an experimental exercise with me, as we were about to turn in one night. He was interested so I proceeded with caution. With sculpture in mind, I asked him if he thought he would recognise a part of the human body by touch alone. He thought so. I suggested that if I got naked, in the dark, and struck a strange pose, it would be interesting to see how long he would take to touch a specified part of my body. We both laughed but he was hooked. I stripped and in the pitch-blackness of the room curled into a ball. My left bollock' I called. He was trying to be cool and said OK. As he approached in that strange silence I know so well, I was almost unable to contain my anticipation. His hand gently touched my shoulder. It was like an electric shock. It moved and immediately stroked against my knee which was pushing into it. I could sense the confusion in Dave's mind. He withdrew his hand and I feared that was going to be the end of it. He shuffled round and the next sensation I got amazed me. He put his fingertips straight on my arse hole. He felt the hair and texture -- he knew where he had landed. This must be the end I thought. Shall I laugh to break the tension? No. He knew where he was and slid his hand between my legs, forcing them apart. I opened them slightly to give him access. His fingers moved through the gap, beyond my balls, into the small void between my stomach and legs. His hand turned. I was hard and thought about springing up and saying well done to avoid him finding out. I was frozen, in my mind this was Lee in the bushes. His hand gently touched my dick, left it and returned. He was checking that he had been right, that I had an erection. This could be the end of a good relationship I thought. His hand moved on, carefully grabbed my left ball, rolled it gently and stopped. Got it!' he laughed and we quickly disentangled ourselves. He put the light back on by which time I was sitting on the edge of my bed my legs crossed, covering my waning erection.
That was too easy' he said, it would be better if you had to find the place with a specified part of your body.'
No mention of the hard-on. He knew and didn't care. He started to strip. He got to his underwear and stopped. I was disappointed but didn't want to push it by demanding more.
`OK, you have to find my left nipple. With your nose!'
This was unbelievable. A wanking fantasy come true. The light went off and I heard him approach me and get into a position on the floor. Almost immediately he said `Wait'. In the dark I heard him get up and the sound of cotton sliding over flesh. I smelled that scent of musky urine and sweat. His underpants hit the floor on the far side of the room and he resumed his position. I was hard again. I approached him slowly. My nose touched his! He was sitting upright; our lips must have been almost touching. I smiled and moved down until my nose touched his chin. This was too easy. He must want to get it over with. I continued downwards but hit tight flesh. He must have his arms folded over his nipples! What should I do? Try from below, but he knew that. I sat back and re-approached very low. Too low -- we both knew. I caught the smell of dick and carried on. My nose touched the end of Dave's cock before I reached anything else. It must have been standing proud. I went further and his hard dick slid across my right cheek as my nose buried itself in his pubes. The only way was up now but I couldn't resist his balls. I moved down a fraction and allowed my lips to rest on his sac. I breathed through my mouth and he gave out a little sigh of pleasure. As I moved up to the real target, I allowed my lips to travel the full length of his penis and noted the sticky drop of pre-cum on my mouth. I left it standing. He moved his arm slightly to allow access to his nipple.
`Got it' I said.
He lay back on the floor breathing heavily. I tried to imagine what he must look like. I waited a few seconds then got up to put the light on. As I moved he jumped to his bed and in a single movement was under the sheets before the room was lit.
`That was pretty interesting' he said in a calm voice.
`We should do it again' I dared to venture.
`Yeah, maybe.' Only about twice more but I'll never forget it.