This is a story about gay love, so if reading such things is offensive to you or if it is not legal for you to do so, proceed at your own risk. This is fiction. All people, places and events are the product of the writer's own imagination. All rights are retained by the author.
Please send your comments to sanansaattaja2003@yahoo.com I would love to hear from you. When you write me about the story be sure to write `Sam' in the subject line. (Emails with an attachment will not be opened.)
Sam, chapter 10
Sgt. Martin and Officer Perez led Irene, Sharon and Mack to a secluded little alcove down on the first floor of the hospital where they all sat facing each other around a low, circular coffee table. Sgt. Martin asked Officer Perez to get them all coffee from a dispenser nearby, and Sharon jumped up at once, saying, "Let me help you."
Sgt. Martin waited until they all had their coffee and everyone was seated, and then he cleared his throat and began talking. "What we have to say will no doubt come as a shock to you, Mrs. Evans. I'm sorry. You've suffered enough shock already today, seeing your husband in the condition he's in, but there's more, I'm afraid."
Irene stiffened noticeably and paled. She looked at Sgt. Martin and waited, saying nothing.
"When did you last see your husband?" he asked.
"He left home only minutes after six o'clock last evening, officer," she replied.
"You're sure about the time, Mrs. Evans?"
"Yes. He always comes home from work a few minutes before six and then we eat supper. I was just getting supper on the table, and he had only been home five minutes or so when he left again."
"Do you know where he was going?"
"No."
"And he was driving, I assume?"
"Yes."
"Your address is 2037 Jefferson Street, is that correct?"
"Yes, sir."
"There was a hit-and-run on Jefferson, about four blocks further on from your home, at about ten minutes past six, Mrs. Evans. Maybe you've already heard about it?"
"No-o-o-o."
"A little girl riding her bicycle on the street was hit by a speeding car. The car swerved slightly in an attempt to miss her, but she was hit, and unfortunately the driver just sped on and disappeared down the street. An eyewitness gave a rather detailed description of the car and it matches to a tee the one your husband was found in. There are also dents and scratches on your husband's car which indicate rather conclusively that it was the one involved. I'm very sorry, Mrs. Evan, but you will have to know."
"Oh my God," Irene murmured, and buried her face in her hands. She began trembling violently all over and then a sob shook her slight frame. Sharon moved close to her on the sofa they were sitting on and put her arm around her. Irene made a valiant effort to calm herself and looked up finally at Sgt. Martin.
"How... what about the child? Was she killed?"
"She's still alive, the last we heard. But she's very critically injured, naturally. I'm afraid I can't give you much detail about that."
"What... what will happen now?"
"I understand your husband is not expected to live, Mrs. Evans. I'm sorry. I'm afraid I can't tell you at this point what course things will take from here, but it was necessary to let you know what has happened. None of us can undo what is done, unfortunately. My sympathies are with you and I wish somehow I could make it easier. I guess we have nothing more to tell you now, Mrs. Evans, so you are free to go. We know how to get in touch with you, of course. Thank you very much for your help and cooperation today. You've been most brave and I admire you very much."
"Thank you, Sgt. Martin, Officer Perez," Irene murmured, and they all arose and shook hands.
"You'll find your way from here?" Sgt. Martin asked, and they all nodded in the affirmative.
"Then please excuse us. We must go." And the two officers hurried away down the corridor, leaving three stunned people in a little huddle behind them.
Irene was left more or less in a daze and was at a loss about what to do. Mack reminded her that Doctor Warrington had requested she stop by the admissions office before leaving the hospital, so he led the way and the three of them found it without difficulty. There she filled out a couple forms, giving all the pertinent information about Gene, and was handed a bag containing the clothes he had been wearing when he was admitted to the hospital the night before. After that she was free to go.
It was nearly one o'clock by that time, and Mack suggested finding a little restaurant somewhere for a bite of lunch. They settled on a pizzeria which they spotted just a stone's throw from the hospital. Both Mack and Sharon ordered pizzas, and Irene decided on lasagna. She knew she should eat but she didn't really feel hungry. She felt oddly empty, drained and wrung out, but she forced herself to eat and managed to get down most of her lasagna and drank a glass of coke. Sharon and Mack were very sensitive and in-tune to her feelings and didn't try to force conversation. They ate mostly in silence and they said very little on the drive back to their own side of the city as well.
Irene broke the silence once, saying, "That poor little girl. And her parents. Oh my God..." And then, after a lengthy pause, "Why? Oh God, why? Why so much grief and suffering?" She started to cry quietly, daubing at her tears with a handkerchief.
Jay woke up in the early hours of Sunday morning, soaking wet. The skimpy gown he was wearing and his sheets were wet and even the pillow, and he felt very uncomfortable. Lee had directed his hand before he left the night before to show him where the call button was beside his bed in case he needed anything. He still couldn't see anything, since his eyes were swollen shut, although he thought maybe he could open one of them now - just a slit, really. But it was still too dark in the room to be absolutely sure. He groped for the button and pressed it, and then waited for a nurse to come. He wished it would be Nurse Hellvig, who had been so nice to him after he woke up the previous afternoon, but she had told him she was going off shift then and that she would see him again the next morning sometime after seven.
He didn't have to wait long before the door opened and he heard footsteps approaching his bed. Whoever it was touched him on the shoulder before speaking, and he could tell at once that it wasn't a woman. It was a man's hand—a big hand, but very gentle. And then the man spoke.
"Jay?"
"Yeah."
"I'm Nurse Dennison, Jay. Did you call for something?"
The voice sounded quite young, and was very pleasant. Deep, but soft at the same time.
"I just woke up," Jay said, "and I'm all wet. I've soaked everything."
The nurse laid his hand on Jay's forehead for a moment and chuckled. "Your fever broke, my boy! It looks like the antibiotics they've been dripping into you are doing their stuff. I'll go get you some clean things and be right back, OK? We'll have you dry again in no time."
And then he was gone. But in just a moment he returned and lifted the top sheet away from him and then stripped off his gown too, leaving him naked. The air of the room against his damp skin felt chilly, and Jay shivered and said, "Brrr!"
Nurse Dennison chuckled again, and said, "Hold tight, tiger. We'll soon have you warm and snug again!"
Jay heard him swishing his hand around in a basin of water and then he felt a warm -- almost hot -- wet washcloth applied to his face, oh so gently. It felt so good, and he let out a long sigh of pleasure. Swiftly and expertly, the nurse bathed his shivering body, rubbing him gently with the washcloth and soothing him with his touch. Then he dried him off with a warm, fluffy towel and deftly lifted him up and pulled the wet bottom sheet out from under him and spread out a clean dry one in its place almost before Jay knew what had happened. He laid Jay back down again on the fresh sheet, tucked it in all around, and put a dry gown on him. Then he covered him with a clean top sheet and tucked it in.
"There, all set, tiger!" he said, as he quickly took his temperature and smoothed his hair with his big, gentle hand.
"Mmm, that was nice, nurse! You can give me a bath any time!" Jay said.
The nurse didn't respond to that verbally, but he caressed Jay's uninjured cheek lightly with the backside of his fingers and then gave him a pat on the shoulder. "You're a real champ, Jay. I wish all my patients were as nice as you."
He made a notation on the chart and said, "Things are looking up, tiger. You're temp's almost back to normal. And it seems like you're feeling a bit friskier too, right?"
"I feel much better than yesterday, all right. But I wish I could see you. I hate being blind! I wonder if you look as nice as you sound, and as nice as you are."
"Consider yourself lucky, champ! I'm ugly. But you're spared having to look at me!" the nurse chuckled, and then added, "Compared to that hot boyfriend of yours I'm a downright ogre."
Jay blushed furiously and the nurse laughed. "I've got eyes, tiger! And you're a lucky boy. But so is your boyfriend! Now will you promise me something, my boy?"
"Yeah?" Jay said, hesitantly.
"Promise me you'll always stay as sweet as you are."
Jay blushed again, and Nurse Dennison squeezed his hand once and said, "I gotta run now, Jay. No doubt other patients are pressing on their buttons and getting impatient. I'll try to look in on you before I go off shift at seven, though. See you."
And then he was gone, and Jay lay awake in the dark, alone, thinking, remembering. He was quite alert now, but he had slept most of the day Saturday, after all, and then a good part of the night besides. And his fever was gone, his head didn't throb nearly as badly as it had before, and some of his other aches were gone too. Or at least receding.
He had only snatches of memory from the day before, mostly of Lee being with him. He knew Jenna had been there, too, and Lee's mom and Sam, but he had slept most of the time they were there and they had left early in the afternoon. Lee had stayed though, until way into the evening. Every time Jay woke up, Lee was there, and it had comforted him immensely. They had talked a little now and then, but mostly he was too tired to concentrate enough to talk. He mainly remembered Lee's touch, soothing and reassuring. He was always touching him, rubbing, caressing, even hugging him sometimes, and kissing him lightly on the cheek, on the forehead, on the top of his head. Dear, sweet Lee, he loved him so much he thought his heart might burst!
Whenever dark, frightening thoughts of his dad intruded, and of his beating, he struggled to push them away. They were too painful to deal with. He knew he was loved anyway, and nothing else mattered, so he just tried to concentrate on pleasant and positive thoughts of Lee and Sam and Jenna and of his mom and Sam's parents and Lee's mom. He couldn't remember his mom being there the day before, but Lee assured him that she had been. She had had to leave early, Lee told him, to take care of some business.
Such a short time ago, Jay had thought that hardly anyone in the world loved him or cared about him, and he had felt so alone. He had had only Jenna, always Jenna, and his mom, of course. And he thought surely his uncle Robert loved him too, although he rarely saw him. Besides those three there was hardly anyone else he could think of. And now, all of a sudden, he had a whole passel of other people who loved him! First of all, Lee, of course! And Sam. And he had never felt happier.
Jay must have dozed off again for a while because the next thing he knew he was awakened with a start by the feel of someone patting his head and smoothing his hair. It was a man again, he could tell. The hand was very large.
"Nurse Dennison?" he asked, thinking it must be him coming to check on him one last time before going home, like he had half promised to do. If only he could see!
"Guess again, punkin," a familiar voice said.
"Uncle Robert!" Jay almost shouted. He would know that voice anywhere, but also `punkin' had been Uncle Robert's pet name for him ever since he was just a wee kid.
"Don't pee your pants, Jay!" Uncle Robert laughed.
Jay, of course, blushed hotly when he said that. It was a little joke between them. Jay had actually peed his pants one time when he was about nine or ten and Uncle Robert had startled him real bad. So he would remind him of it again whenever he gave Jay a surprise. He loved to surprise Jay too, because he always reacted so beautifully, making it very worthwhile!
"Oh my God," Jay said, "I can't believe you're really here!"
"Oh punkin! If I wasn't afraid of hurting you worse than you already are, I'd give you the biggest bear hug I've ever given you."
That was saying quite a bit, because Uncle Robert gave major bear hugs, and Jay had always loved them even though he feared he would squeeze the very breath out of him sometimes. How could two brothers have turned out to be so unlike each other? Jay's dad never touched him, let alone hugged him. But Uncle Robert was very affectionate, and not afraid to show it physically like that, as well as in many other ways. It was just a pity that they had always lived so far apart and rarely saw one another. That was partly due, of course, to the fact that Jay's dad absolutely loathed his brother and refused to ever let him visit their home. Jay had often wondered why. But no one had ever given him an answer.
"I wish I could see you, Uncle Robert," Jay said, wistfully.
"Well, Jay, I don't look any better than the last time. In fact, I've got a few gray hairs now, believe it or not, and maybe even a wrinkle or two! Your ol' uncle is getting older. Anyway, I'll tell you what; I'll likely still be around once you get your eyes open again so you'll get your fill of seeing me before I leave."
"Really? Promise?" Jay said, thrilled.
"Promise, Jay."
Jay got very quiet for a minute and then he said, "Um, er, Uncle Robert?"
"Yeah, punkin?"
"Does, um, does my dad... Does he know you're here?"
"No, Jay."
"What will...? How...?"
"Jay, punkin," Uncle Robert said, very softly, and then he did embrace him, but as gently as a big, strong man could possibly do, and in spite of the awkwardness of Jay lying in the bed and all. Then he paused for a moment, and finally continued, "Jay, your dad is dead."
"WHAT?" Jay cried out, and began to tremble violently in his uncle's arms, and Uncle Robert crooned to him softly and rubbed his back and his shoulders and rocked him back and forth until he started to calm down again. Jay sobbed a time or two and then was still, sniffling softly against Uncle Robert's shoulder.
"I didn't mean to tell you so soon, Jay. I was going to see how you are first. We wanted to make sure you were over the hump and could take the shock of it. Are you gonna be all right, Jay?"
Jay nodded his head against his uncle's shoulder, but said nothing.
"We've got an awful lot to tell you, Jay, and none of it's good, I'm sorry to say."
Uncle Robert then told him what they had been able to piece together from the scraps of information they had gotten about what had happened to Gene. He left out, however, the part about the hit-and-run. No use burdening him with that news unnecessarily at this stage.
"Your mom called me yesterday afternoon, Jay. She had had to go earlier to the hospital where he was and identify him for the police and all. He was still alive then, but barely, and she knew he was dying. All she told me on the phone was that he had been the victim of a mugging, nothing about how he had beaten you and left home in a rage. I promised to come at once, as soon as I could get a flight. Then I called your grandparents and told them. They're not able to travel right now, sorry to say. Your grandpa has just had open heart surgery and your grandma has to look after him. I got a flight at nine o'clock last evening, west coast time, and got here at four this morning. I took a taxi to your house from the airport like I told your mom I would do -- she had given me the address, of course -- and when I got there it was after five. She had just gotten a call from the hospital a half hour earlier saying that your dad was dead.
"While we were sitting drinking coffee, she said, `There's more, Robert, more that I didn't tell you on the phone.' And then she told me about your dad beating you up and about you being in the hospital, and all. Oh my God, I thought I would go crazy! To think of that bastard... Uh, sorry, Jay. To think of my brother doing that to his own sweet boy. It about drove me wild, and I really had to fight to get a grip on myself. I'll never understand it, Jay. And I don't know if I'll ever forgive him for it. Maybe eventually. I never hated your dad, punkin, even if he hated me. I've just felt sorry for him. I think he was sick, actually, and I think he was a very unhappy person all his life.
"And now he's dead. Oh, Jay, I can hardly believe , and I have such a crazy, mixed-up jumble of feelings about it. I can't imagine how you must feel. Uh, Jay, I hope you can talk about how you feel, OK? Don't clam up. Please feel free to talk to me or to your mom or to anyone you love and care about, OK? Promise? About everything, punkin. It really does help. The worst thing is to bottle it all up inside."
"Uh, Uncle Robert?" Jay said, almost in a whisper.
"Yeah, Jay?"
"Um, I... Well, I... I..." And then Jay started to cry again, quietly.
"You can tell me anything, punkin. Anything. I love you, Jay. You do know that, don't you?"
Jay nodded vigorously against his chest and cried harder.
Finally, without further ado, he blurted out, "I'm gay, Uncle Robert. I'm sure that's why my dad hit me. He called me a damned worthless fag and hit me and then he left. I never told him, and I don't think he actually knew, really, but he must've guessed it. I know my dad hated gays more than anything and I didn't ever want him to know. But it's true, Uncle Robert. I hope you won't hate me too." And then he was weeping again.
"Punkin, punkin, punkin," Robert said, "now it's my turn. I'm also gay. That's why your dad always hated me. He walked in on me and a school friend one time years ago. We were just lying together and kissing on my bed after school when he came barging in and saw us and immediately went stark raving wild. He didn't get physically violent, but he yelled and screamed at us and your grandma came running, and oh God, it was such a mess. I thought I was going to die of shame and embarrassment. What a nightmare! It still makes me shudder to think of it. It was the worst coming out you could imagine. Your grandma told your grandpa as soon as he came home from work what had happened and it was awfully tense in our house for awhile, let me tell you. Well, my parents eventually got more or less used to the idea. They never have hated me, mind you. Never. But they've been very disappointed, and they've never been able to understand me, or how I could turn into a pervert, as they call it, and they've never really fully accepted me for what I am. Oh well, I can live with that. It's my life, not theirs. But your dad was another matter. I'll never know why he had such an unreasonable hatred for gays, but he couldn't stand the sight of me ever again. Actually, he didn't like me much before that either, but at least he was half-way civil."
Just then they were interrupted by a knock on the door, and then someone opened it slowly and Robert, who could see who it was, called out, "Please come in, Nurse Hellvig." Then when she looked at him questioningly, he gave her a nod and she knew he had already told Jay about his dad.
Once she was in the room, the nurse said, "I met your uncle Robert when he arrived, Jay, and he told me about your dad. I'm so awfully sorry, sweetheart. I just wanted to stop by and see how you're doing." Then she stooped over and kissed him on the forehead and patted his shoulder while fussing with his sheets for a bit.
"Nurse Dennison told me about your fever breaking, Jay, and about getting you dried off and fixed up again. I'm so pleased that you're starting to feel better, honey. Now, I don't want to interfere further with your visit with Uncle Robert, so I'll run along. I'll check in on you again later. Breakfast will be coming shortly and I've ordered one for your uncle too, so you two can eat together."
"Thank you!" both Jay and his uncle said in unison. Nurse Hellvig turned to leave the room after giving Jay another kiss on the forehead, and then she startled Robert by planting a smooch on his cheek as well on her way past.
"Wow, she's incredible, isn't she, punkin?" Uncle Robert said after she had gone. "I can see you've really made a hit with your nurses. Nurse Hellvig introduced me to that gorgeous hunk, Nurse Dennison also, when I arrived. She explained that he had been looking after you during the night. She had just come on duty when I got here and he was preparing to leave. He chatted with me a minute before he left, and I could see he was really smitten by you! By the way, your mom told me specifically to ask for Nurse Hellvig when I got here and to get her on my side before coming to see you so early in the morning. I had thought I needed to wait till nine or ten o'clock before I would dare come up here, but your mom was sure Nurse Hellvig would approve of my coming earlier. And you know, she was right!"
After a while Jay said, "Uncle Robert, I can't wait for you to meet my, uh... my boyfriend! His name's Lee. He'll be here sometime this morning. Actually, there are several people you're gonna meet, and you'll love them so much. Besides Lee, there's Sam -- that's a girl, by the way -- and her parents, and Lee's mom, and..."
"Your mom has already told me about the McMillans, punkin, and the others. She thinks they are angles from heaven, believe me. And from what she's told me, I think she might be right. I didn't know if I believed in angels before, but after listening to her I might be changing my mind."
"How does my mom know them?" Jay asked, genuinely puzzled. He had no idea, of course, of all that had happened since he had been hurt.
"That's a rather long story and I think your mom would like to tell you all about it sometime herself. I could hardly recognize your mom when I got here this morning, Jay. She has changed tremendously and she told me it's all a result of your dad beating you, can you believe it? And also of the way the McMillans stepped in, seemingly out of nowhere, and have helped her and stood by her. She said she feels like she's been reborn! Oh Jay, you're going to love the change in her. I didn't know what to expect when I got here; I wondered how she would ever be coping, but I needn't have worried. She's amazing."
"Uncle Robert, my mom doesn't know yet -- that I'm gay, or about Lee and all. I'm scared to tell her." Jay said, and then the tears came again.
"I think you'll be surprised, Jay. I don't think you have any reason to worry. Your mom has known about me all these years. She knew long before she and your dad were married that I was gay, and she has always liked me. So I know she hasn't had the same opinion as your dad on that score."
That comforted Jay tremendously, of course, and he felt much more relaxed.
"Will you be with me when I tell her, Uncle Robert?" he asked.
"Of course, punkin, if you wish. She may not be as surprised as you think, either, you know. Lots of women seem to have a special intuition about such things, I believe. And especially mothers regarding their own sons."
"Uncle Robert, you can't imagine how much it helps me to know that you're gay too!"
"Don't be so sure, Jay. I think I might have a pretty good idea!" he replied.
They were just hugging each other again when the door swung open and a rather grouchy woman pushing the breakfast cart cleared her throat loudly and came into the room. She glared at the two of them as she placed Jay's tray on the little table beside his bed and then handed another one to Robert.
"Thank you, ma'am," Robert said cheerily, but she just snorted at him in reply and turned away.
"Damned fags!" she spat out half under her breath as she left the room, giving the door a slam behind her.