I found myself huddled next to the outhouse just as I was when Jack talked to me the day before. I had no recollection of how I got there, but it was becoming my place to hide when my emotions were out of control. I was furious, yet at the same time filled with sadness. Dad was now putting me on an emotional roller coaster that made me just want to punch a wall.
"He's such a fool!" I screamed out. I was convinced that he thought I was crazy also.
I couldn't believe I had spilled my guts out to him, and he didn't have the courage to admit that he was the least little bit homosexual. I felt abandoned by the thoughts he must have right now about his queer son. "How can a man have sex with a man, and not love that man, or be able to admit who they are?" I ranted on.
Dad and I had been so close all of our life. I was sure I knew who he was, and what he was all about, until we took this trip. Now the more I saw of him, the more I was unsure of my feelings for him. It wasn't that he was a total disappointment all of a sudden. It was that he wasn't the man I saw everyday.
I needed my mom more than ever right now. I missed talking to her as a child. She always knew how to make everything right, and everything was wrong between me and Dad.
I crunched up in a ball and while placing a vision of her in my head I started talking to her. "Mom," I whispered to myself. "I am really worried about Dad. You know how much we both love you, but he is not letting go of that. He is hiding behind your love, and afraid to accept someone else's love. I am praying to you to help him. Please help him realize that it is all right for him to love another. Oh Mom he needs your help right now. We both need you to help us get through this, so we can be sane again. I want so much for us to be just like it used to be!"
Tears started flowing from my eyes.
"I'm gay Mom," choked out of my throat. "I don't want to be, but I am. I hope you don't mind. You always told me that I needed to be who I am to be happy, and that is who I am. I don't think Dad is very pleased with the whole thing. He wants to avoid the issue, and acts like it isn't even there, but I know if he looked deep inside himself he would be right there by my side again. I can't live like this. Especially when I know he is in love with another man. Mom, please help Dad. Please help him see the light on all this, because he is throwing a good thing away, and I don't know why? I know I can count on you to do the right thing!" I finished as if she was really there beside me.
I stood up and took a deep breath. I felt a big burden had been lifted off my shoulders letting all my feelings out to her spirit.
I looked at the outhouse and the surrounding area. I saw piles of wood scattered throughout the grassy knoll, and I thought about how lucky I was that I didn't run through any of them the previous day. Then I looked at the outhouse again, especially at the holes where wood had fallen off. In a fury I started grabbing the pieces of wood on the ground, and matching them to a hole in the outhouse. I realized the wood on the ground had an identical match to every hole in the outhouse. I had to fix it. Just like I had a need deep inside to fix my relationship with Dad, and to fix my life. I wanted to fix this outhouse as a symbol of everything that had happened on the island.
Adam continually pushed bush branches away as he made his way through the island woods. As he trampled through the shrubs he had one goal on his mind; to get to his wife's sacred place.
When he and Jack first looked at the island, his wife had found the perfect cliff view off the cliff side of the island. She had told the two men that if they ever built a cabin on that spot, she would probably love coming to the island. With her quick illness and death, the cabin was never more than a thought. Now that she was gone, the land there was sacred to Adam. Every time he came to the island he tracked through the woods to talk to his wife there.
As Adam came to the opening his breath was taken away by the view. It was a view only a postcard could embrace. He always forgot how beautiful the site was until it grabbed him in again every time he visited it.
Adam came upon the rock that jutted out towards the heavens, and immediately climbed up to the top. He sat himself down, and folded his hands as he did every Sunday in Saint Anthony's church when he prayed.
"Maria! It's me Adam!" He wailed out into the salt air. "I miss you so bad Maria, and I need your help now more than ever," he continued.
Adam tried to hold in his emotions, but a tear ran down his eye whenever he talked to Maria.
"It seems our son is gay Maria. What happened to the perfect life I wanted so badly for all of us? It is gone, and I no longer have the power to try and keep it. Everything is changing. Everything is out of my control! Worse of all, I think I am the one who made him that way! Oh God Maria what have I done?"
Adam looked up into the sky in desperation. Tears started flowing down his eyes.
"I love him so much Maria, and I can feel his pain. I can feel his pain all to well! Do you remember when we brought you home at the very end so you could die at home in peace? You were so sick, yet you looked so beautiful lying there. You took all the energy you had left to tell me something. You told me that if I ever found another woman who I loved, and who loved Jett, that I should not feel guilty about bringing her into my life."
Adam began to sob, and his folded hands moved to hold his heavy and weary head.
"Well I have found someone I love Maria, someone who loves Jett just as much as I do. Someone who loves me more than anything in the world, but it's not a woman Maria, it's another man!"
Adam began weeping out loud. His love for his wife along with the love he had for Jack had taken control of him. He wanted Maria to give him her blessing, but he feared she would not, and there was no way he could ever know. The uncertainty was eating him up inside.
"Can you ever forgive me Maria!" His scream echoed through the cliffs below.
Adam tucked up into a ball, and continued weeping out loud. His body shiveredk as if it were freezing in the dead of winter. He tried to gain his composure, but every time he started to, he thought of his wife, and wept even louder. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity of sobbing he was able to speak again.
"I need this man Maria, and I am afraid I am going to lose him. He is everything in the world to me, and I need him for the rest of my life. I hope you don't hate me for this, but I have to live by who I am, and not by the picture I have drawn for myself. You know Jack is a great man. You know he would do anything for Jett and me. Please be happy for us! Please be happy for us!" Adam shouted as tears continued to flow down his eyes.
"Remember we will always love you in our hearts. You are the largest love in our hearts, but we have to move on Maria, and I know it isn't what you probably hoped for us, but it is what we will be happy with. Please be happy for us!"
Adam stood on the rock and stammered almost losing his balance. He looked to the heavens one more time and whispered, "I am leaving now Maria, until next time, please be with us always."
Jack lay semi-conscious on the king-size bed in the bedroom. After Adam and Jett left to do the dishes, he decided to try to get in a nap to rest his weary body. Too much had happened in the last couple days and not only was his mind weary from it all, so was his body. His ass ached bad from the pounding he took from Jett, and as much as he loved Jett, and knew it helped him, he had wished he fought harder to prevent it.
Suddenly Jack heard the door creep open, and he looked towards the doorway in the bedroom to see who was coming in. Standing there, barely in sight from the shadows, was Old Man Willard.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" Jack screamed out as a chill of fear ran down his spine.
"My beautiful Jack," Willard said as he started to unbutton his dirt packed jeans.
"How did you get out of prison? How did you get on this island?" Jack questioned in fear.
"Well the Warden let me fuck him one to many times. Poor boy is pretty dead now Jack! It's pretty easy to break out of prison when you got the keys. So Jack, did you miss me?"
"Leave me alone Willard. I got a man I love, I don't need you fucking with me anymore!"
"Oh that's right! You're in love with Adam! The man who thinks you are a piece of meat. Well at least I loved you Jack. This man he just wants a piece of ass!"
Willard pulled down the zipper on his pants, and started moving towards Jack. Then he reached a hand into his pocket and pulled out a small switchblade.
Fear ran through Jack's body, as he started to shake uncontrollably. "Stay away from me Willard! I swear I'll kick your ass now!"
"What did I say I would do to you if you ran away Jack?"
"You said you would kill me!"
"That's right Jack, and you ran away anyway!" Willard screamed into the bedroom. He then leaped towards Jack, and threw him down on his stomach on the bed instantly holding the knife to his neck. "I love to see blood squirt, Jack!"
Jack did not try to fight Willard. He knew the man was crazy enough to take his life away from him. He lay there hoping that Adam and Jett would stay away from the cabin in fear for their lives.
Willard used his free hand to pull his pants down, exposing his enormous raging hard cock. "Everyone seems to like my cock Jack! That's what happens when you are big as I am. You want my cock, don't you, you big pussy football player."
In one quick motion Willard shoved his pulsating cock into Jack. Jack let out a muffled scream in horror hoping that Adam and Jett would not hear him. As Willard began pounding Jack's ass, his pain grew more with each push. Usually Jack liked Willard's cock pounding in his ass, but this time the pain was so enormous he felt he was going to pass out.
Don't kill me Willard!" He finally screamed out in desperation.