Say You Love Me

"Say You Love Me""Say You Love Me" Chapter 14-"The Confession"

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JESSIE'S POINT OF VIEW-THE CAR

Stacy: "Later guys...and-uh, don't tell anyone what happened, okay?"

Like we were all that thrilled about it. We had just pulled up in front of Stacy's house and dropped her off. Now it was just the three of us guys in the car, Brad, Josh and me. It was good to see that making conversation wasn't as hard as it seemed before with Josh and Brad. After all, we had PLENTY to talk about after Jessica's lashing out. It seemed like they were well on their way to being friends, if they weren't already.

Josh: "Brad, I gotta say, I didn't know you were into girls like Jessica, the bitch is bad!"

Brad: "Yeah, well, I'm not with her anymore-didn't know that she had it in her to-do that."

Josh: "Me neither, she seemed like all bark and no bite to me."

Brad: "Oh, she bites, believe me."

Josh: "Hahah...yeah, I'll bet."

So NOT what I wanted to hear. The way they were laughing...it could only mean one thing. Ugh... It dampened my mood. They were practically the ones doing all the talking. I was glad when we pulled up to Josh's house and he got out. At least the talk of Jessica dropped. But my thinking about her didn't. I wondered...she was so pretty, and she she seemed to know exactly how to get guys turned on and I was beginning to wonder, why did Brad dump her? I mean, he didn't dump her for me, I knew that. He was single and we just-happened. And it did worry me...a little. And then there was the fact that she obviously wanted him back, and was willing to really try to get him back with her. If it came down to it, who'd he choose, the super sexy Jessica Warden or...me? Some choice...it was really depressing to think about it. I mean if she was just the run of the mill whore, I'd understand, but I got the feeling that she REALLY wanted him, the way she had lashed out at Stacy proved it. Just when things were shaping up so great, psycho girl had to make her debut in my life. I was shaken out of my thoughts when I felt the car pull over.

"Huh, why are we stopping?"

Brad: "Something's wrong, you seem different from the boy I saw yelling out from the crowd this afternoon. What's up?"

"It's no-"

Brad: "Nothing...don't you think I know you enough by now to tell when you're lying?"

I sighed, might as well just talk and get it over with.

"It's Jessica."

Brad: "Oh-her. Well, I'm done with her. Especially after tonight."

"It's not just that I mean, why did you break up with her?"

Brad: "She and I just didn't seem to be going anywhere good."

"It seems like she really wants you back."

Brad: "Yeah, well, she can't have me."

"She's very...she's very pretty."

I can't believe I said that. I looked away from him and for some stupid reason that I couldn't comprehend, I started sulking. He leaned over to me and whispered in my ear. I swear I'd never forget the words that he told be.

Brad: "She's an old hag compared to you. You are the most beautiful person I've ever laid eyes on, and don't ever let anyone make you feel you're not. You hearing me?"

He started giggling a little.

"What-is it?"

Brad: "I-uh-remember back when I called you a-dickhead?"

I giggled.

"Yeah."

Brad: "Well, I had just saw you laughing with Josh and Stacy and, I couldn't help but think how beautiful you looked when you laugh. And then, when I was dropping you off back home from the food court, I just couldn't get my eyes off of you."

"Aww, you're making me blush."

Brad: "You look cute when you blush."

"You, used to-do it, sex I mean, a lot with her, right?"

He looked at me a little weird.

Brad: "How do you-"

"I'm not dumb Brad, I know her reputation, everyone does. It just reminded me of something I had to talk to you about. Today, when we kissed in the restroom, I felt you-I know you wanted more from me."

Brad: "Listen, I-"

"I know you weren't pressuring me, it's just I don't think I'm ready yet and I know you say you can wait. But I know what I felt and seeing Jessica, I know she'd be just too willing to-"

Brad: "I'd never, I promise."

"It just makes me feel bad that I can't give you that."

Brad: "Don't feel that way..."

"I mean, I'm not like her. I can't dance up a storm, I don't know how to turn a guy on, I don't look like I stepped out of Victoria's Secret and-"

Brad: "While we're on the subject of what you DON'T do...you don't try to control me, you don't try to change me. You don't try seducing other guys even though you have a boyfriend and you don't nag, nag, nag...happy?"

"Hehehe...yeah."

Brad: "And believe me...whether you know it or not, you turn this guy on big time, twenty-four seven...if I'm not daydreaming about you, I'm dreaming about you."

"You dream about me? What do you dream about me? Hmmm..."

He started blushing profusely.

I smiled.

Brad: "Now after I go through all the trouble of snapping you out of your blue funk, won't you even kiss me?"

For the next five minutes we were litterally tongue tied and wrapped up in each other. I pushed him off when I heard footsteps, running up to the car. Brad leaned back over to his seat and checked himself. I tried to make my clothes look like I hadn't just walked out of a bar fight. Then we heard urgent tapping on the window. I tried to make out who it was, but the glass was too heavily tinted. Then I heard a familiar voice.

Josh: "Guys, open up!"

Josh! Brad rolled down the windows and we saw a very concerned, out of breath Josh.

Josh: "Jessie-uh-Brad, are you two alright?"

"Yeah, we're, we're fine."

Josh: "I mean, you guys dropped me off and when I came back outside to put out the trash, I saw the car parked at the side down the street. I thought you could be having, like tire trouble or something."

Brad: "Nah, everything's fine."

Josh: "Then...why did you-pull over..."

Brad was stumped. I had to answer for him.

"Uh-his cell phone rang. And you know about talking and driving when you don't wear a headset. So we pulled over."

Brad caught the tide.

Brad: "Yeah, road safety and whatnot...mom wanted me to stop at the supermarket..."

Josh: "Oh, so you heading there now?"

Brad: "Yeah, right after I drop off Jessie."

It put Josh at ease and he said goodbye and started walking back up to the house. I was a little jitterey at how close a call it had been. He couldn't have seen us. The illegally dark tint that Brad's windows had made sure of it. But damn close though. The door wasn't locked. What if he had just opened the door on us? I mean he came here thinking something was wrong. I was greatful he was still I the dark, but sad that he still didn't know about me and Brad. And after what had just happened, it got me thinking. What if another, more damaging incident happened and he found out the wrong way...I was giving serious consideration of telling him. I wouldn't tell him about Brad, I think it's Brad's choice who he wants knowing...but I could tell him about me being gay, that at least would be a start. I didn't want him to feel bad that I'd told Stacy before I told him though. Gosh, I wished I knew how he would react, but this was going to take some faith. But one thing was certain, I couldn't keep living a double life where my best friend was concerned for much longer. This was going to have to change. Tomorrow was another day, and I'd at least try, I promised myself.

Brad: "Well, see you tomorrow baby. Love ya!"

And he was off to the "Supermarket".

I went into the house.

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It had been a tiring evening for Josh. Sure he was in great shape, but roughing it on the field for the entire afternoon with experienced jocks had taken its toll. He had been skulking around in the locker room too. He had tried out for the football team for one main reason. To be as near to Brad as he could possibly be. After all, you keep your friends close, but your enemies, even closer. He had his suspiscions about Brad, but that was all they were, suspiscions. He needed proof, and that was what he had come to get. He didn't know for sure why Brad's asswipe of a personality had suddenly altered, or why he had decided to take such keen interest in Jessie's life all of a sudden, but he did know it couldn't be good.

He kept a close eye on Brad in the locker room. He was watching to see if he was checking the other guys out, or anything else out of the blue. Josh remebered the kind of look that he saw Brad throw Jessie, on multiple occasions no less. Thankfully Jessie didn't seem to notice them. If anyone was going to be converting anybody, it was going to be himself, that much was certain. But Brad didn't even pay any attention to any of the other guys in the locker rooms, so Josh was stumped. Maybe he was blowing this thing out of proportion, he just was so-not his logical thinking self where anything to do with Jessie was concerned. And Brad had been real buddy buddy to him...maybe he could actually like the guy, a little...well...not HATE him at least. All of that was to change once they went out on the field however.

They were out practicing when this girl started tearing the place up, shouting all kinds of cheers and basically setting the field on fire. Josh heard the coach swear under his breath. Some of the guys weren't able to focus with the action going down with the cheerleaders. Josh laughed mentally, if he were straight, he be doing it too, because this girl was hot, hot, hot. Then it became apparent just who she was trying to attract. She had "GO BRAD!" emblazoned on her top. It put Josh at ease. She must be Brad's....Girlfriend! Brad has a girlfriend! "Man, I'm bitching for nothing!", he thought. Changed real quick however. Brad seemed to be looking for someone. The next thing he knew the girl was screaming out,

"Brad baby, I'm right over here!"

Brad looked at her with the meanest face Josh had ever seen anyone pull. But worse was to come. He started scanning the crowd and it looked like he found who he was looking for too. Josh followed his gaze. At first he thought it was Stacy, but then he saw that it wasn't her, why the hell couldn't it be her?! It was his Jess. Jessie was screaming his lungs out, Josh hadn't ever thought he had it in him. Brad seemed to think it was for him, hmpf!

"He's screaming for me asshole!", he thought, "I'm the one trying out."

He got so mad he tackled Chad a little too roughly, honestly he was sorry about that, but they were wearing padded uniforms, so he didn't think it hurt. But it seriously worried him. Brad had spurned who had to be one of the hottest girls in the school, hadn't even looked at her more than three seconds and had instead chosen to look for Jessie. What if he was some sort of sick perverted prowler...Josh didn't think Brad was Gay. Not really, but you don't have to be Gay to be a pervert. He'd have to keep both eyes on him.

And the drama that went down afterwards in the stands with Jessica was not helping. It shocked him that Jessica could attack someone like that, over Brad or any other guy. She apparently thought that Brad was into Stacy. Josh wondered how she could have gotten that idea. Then she mentioned something about him letting her make a fool out of herself in front of the entire school. So she must have seen him looking at the stands. Guess she must have missed who he was really looking at. It would have been great if she had seen that it was Jessie. It would have made his job so much easier. Then again...maybe not. But now at least Josh knew for sure that what he'd seen before was true. Brad was developing feelings for Jess.

He saw his car stop when they dropped him off at his house. He went in and stretched out on the sofa before his mom came in and asked him to throw out the trash. Which he did. While he was heading back however, he saw a familiar Civic parked up the side of the street. It was...Brad's car. They weren't still here were they? Then another thought struck him. Jessie could still be in the car with him...alone! Was Brad trying to...He would have felt more comfortable if Stacy were in the car with them. Brad had feelings for Jessie, confirmed, but Jessie was straight. What if Brad was trying to force him to...

"Hold on Jess! I'm coming!" , he thought whilst he sped down the street as fast as his fatigued leg muscles could carry him.

A dozen thoughts were running through his brain.

"Oh no, he's done something to Jess."

"I'll kick his sorry ass!"

"Mess with my Jess will you-"

He started tapping urgently on the glass.

"Guys open up!", he said, yelled rather. Then Brad rolled down the windows. He found out that Brad had been on the cell phone. If he was the one who had told that to him, Josh would have thought twice, but since it was Jessie who said it to him, Josh believed it. He felt a little stupid for just bolting and he hoped his parents didn't think he was "running away" or anything. They were STILL watching him like hawks. He walked back slowly to his house and went in. oh the drama...he wondered what tomorrow would bring.

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JESSIE'S POINT OF VIEW-LUNCHTIME

We were at our table in the cafeteria. Josh, Stacy and me. Brad was eating somewhere off with his jock buddies. So it was just the three of us, like the good old days. Stacy and I had already gotten our food, but Josh was STILL ordering. The boy is picky when it comes to food. Me and Stacy were talking.

Stacy: "I swear, why can't he just grab a damn burger and just get on over here."

"Awww...you miss him don't you.", I teased. She ignored me.

Stacy: "And the amount of food he's eating...like an animal."

"What? Afraid he's gonna go fat? If you really love him it shouldn't matter...hahaha, you'll have more of him to love."

Stacy: "But we're not! Jessie stop it, I don't love Josh! We're just friends...that's all. I can't believe you, and think about how you felt when your parents thought we were into each other, and when Josh's parents thought that."

I did think about it.

"So, then it's not true? Really?"

Stacy: "Really. Now drop it, I can do a whole lot better, hehehe-owww..."

He fingered her neck. She was wearing a scarf to disguise the red bands on it from Jessica's grip. She thought it wise to do so. Josh had by this time come back to the seat, and with what a tray!

"Josh, are you eating for two?!"

Josh: "What? I'm an athlete now, I burn every calorie I eat. High metabolism."

Stacy: "You're going to blow up."

Josh: "Will not."

"Uh, if you keep eating like this, you are going to have to drop football, and take up...hmmm...Sumo I think."

Josh: "Really, you think I'll get fat, I'll just-"

He called out to some guy and just started dropping food onto his tray. The guy was glad, free food! Then he came back. Stacy was cracking up with laughter.

"I was just joking Josh."

He started looking longingly at the food he'd just given away.

Josh: "NOW you tell me. A minute sooner would have been just fine. Don't suppose I could just take it ba-"

Stacy: "NO!-owwww.."

She was rubbing her neck again. Part of the scarf came away and revealed the red weal. She quickly re-adjusted it.

Josh: "Ooooooh, Stacy has a Hickey, Stacy has a Hickey!"

I started laughing.

Stacy: "Josh, not so loud and don't joke about it...I was scared that's what my parents might think and you know the rumor mill in this school. They'd just like to start something up on me."

Just then I decided to cheer her up by surprising her.

"Josh." I said looking straight at him as I said it.

"I wanna talk to you after school today, it's about something important. Ah-can you walk with me to my house after school?"

Stacy was watching me attentively.

Josh: "Huh, yeah okay. What's this about?"

"I'd really rather tell you when we're alone and not being listened to."

Josh: "No prob."

He got up and went to the cafeteria lady AGAIN and Stacy took the time to grill me.

Stacy: "Is this what I think it is?"

"Yes girlfriend, I'm going to confess, happy?"

Stacy: "Thank God you've finally staightened out that head of yours."

"My, what an interesting choice of words."

We laughed. Josh came back.

Josh: "Just what the hell is so funny? An why do I always miss out on these jokes?"

"Oh it was just-well, nothing.."

If things went well, he wouldn't have to miss out on them anymore.

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JESSIE'S POINT OF VIEW-THE CONFESSION/REVELATION

I was nervous as hell. It was one thing to broach the idea of confessing to Josh in front of Stacy, but another matter entirely to actually do it. I told Brad what I was planning to do after school in the restroom. I'd called him on his cell-phone and told him to meet me there and told Josh that I'd be right back.

Brad: "You're sure this is what you want to do? Once you tell someone there's no going back."

"I know, but he's my best friend Brad and my parents know, you know, Stacy knows, everyone who means anything to me knows, but him, and I hate it."

Brad: "You won't tell him-"

"No, I won't tell him about you. That's up to you if you want to or not"

Brad: "Baby, I would if things were different, you know that right, but-well I don't know if I can deal with all the drama and-"

"I didn't mean it like that, I'm sorry if it sounded that way. I'm just a little nervous. I just don't want to lose a friend, or have him hating me, but I can't live like this forever. Anyhow, if he hates me.."

Brad: "He won't hate you. You two seem real tight, and you said it yourself, you've been friends since...forever, right?"

"Right...you're right, I tell you how much I love you today?"

Brad: "Yeah, but that's not good enough.", he pouted.

"How's...this."

After our quickie peck, I went back out to the Quad where Josh was waiting for me. Stacy had already left, but she had told me her Good Luck in our study period. Now it was just me and Josh. I went up to him. He was calm, the exact opposite of what I was feeling.

Josh: "You ready?"

"Yeah."

The walk home was unnerving. I mean we didn't say a word to each other. He was probably wondering what I wanted to tell him tha it couldn't be said in public. I didn't blame him. It must have seemed dark and mysterious. I was just trying to keep my cool. Which I was so not doing right. When we reached my house and I reached into my bag for the house keys my hands shook so much they went clattering onto the floor. He reached down and picked them up. I was so nervous I was probably just staring at then. "Keep it together", I kept telling myself. I opened the door and we went in. I was greatful the parents weren't going to be home till later. I didn't want anyone to see what an absolute wuss I was being. He took a seat on the sofa.

"Uh, do you want something to drink?", I asked, trying to be routine, to do anything I would normally do, because what I was about to tell him would be far from normal.

Josh: "Coke-Diet?"

"Diet, now you think about the calories..."

Josh: "You said I could go fat...."

"You went back to the cafeteria lady though."

Josh: "For juice..."

"Okay, okay..", well at least the mood was lightnening some.

I came back with his coke and took a seat next to him. I couldn't bring myself to drink anything. He took it and I waited till he was done.

Josh: "So, what is this you were saying about wanting to tell me something."

Oh dear God it's here...umm.....ah....say something fool, anything, don't act like a,

"It's like this....I don't really know how to tell you this."

Josh: "Just spit it out...get it over with."

"I'm afraid."

Josh: "Of what?"

"Of how you'll react. I'm afraid you'll hate me."

Josh: "You don't have to be afraid of me, you know I could never hate you."

"What I want to tell you, it's not going to be run of the mill, this isn't like when I lost your favorite comic book, or killed your goldfish or anything..."

Josh: "You killed Rocky, I NEVER would have guessed, hehehe....come on just tell me."

"Okay, Josh, I'm-I'm..."

Josh: "Boring me to death with the melodrama..."

"I'm....."

Josh: "He's going to say it folks, finally, and the crowd draws breath...."

"I'm...Gay."

If you ever heard the saying, "Silence is deafening", it was so applicable to what was going on. He was watching me with a totally unreadable look. I gasped at the horror that I'd listened to Stacy and went and told him and was probably on the verge of losing my best friend. He wasn't saying anything, I wasn't saying anything, gosh this was pathetic...then I became pathetic...I started to fucking cry.

"Why am I such a crybaby?"

"Gosh, he's probably thinking-SUCH A FAG"

But he reacted to it in the last possible way that I thought he would. I wasn't looking at him for a good five minuted, but when I mustered the courage to glance at him he was-SMILING! I didn't get it. It must have...been too much for him to take. I wiped the tears away and his expression changed. The next thing I knew he was next to me, wiping my freaking tears and then I felt it. He had his arm around me, I was so shocked, I didn't know how to respond. His face started closing distance, and the next thing I felt was his tongue forcing entry into my mouth. I was downright confused, shocked and scared by now. I struggled free of his hold and put some distance between us on the sofa. My emotions were probably just bleeding out of my face.

"You, you.." , was all I could muster.

Josh: "Please Jess, don't be scared, I wanted to tell you so bad, everyday for the last five years but I was so scared of what you'd think of me."

"I, don't know-"

Josh: "God, I love you so much. It killed me that I couldn't tell you. But now, well everything's okay now."

He closed distance and started to try and kiss me again. I was pushing him off.

"Josh, stop it. You don't understand. I-"

Josh: "I-I'm sorry, am I hurting you?"

"No it's just that, well. I don't like you that...way. I-mean, I do like you, a lot, but, you're like my big brother, I guess."

Josh: "But I-that's cuz you didn't know about me before...now that you know how I feel about you...I'm not pushing, but you might be able to see me differently, I mean-you don't think you could ever love me like that?"

"I can't."

Josh: "Why? You could give me a chance? That's all I want. You can decide after, just give me a chance."

"I...can't, because I'm already, with-someone."

The look on his face was heartbreaking. He looked broken. I hated to see him like it. He normally just bottles everything up inside. It must really be hurting for him to show it. Then his face hardened.

Josh: "Who?"

"It doesn't matter."

Josh: "Don't give me that shit! You tell me you won't give me a chance cuz you're with someone and the won't tell me who?"

"He's not ready for people to know yet."

Josh: "Oh, so he's not very comfortable with being Gay, but just wants the benefits, no strings attached, huh?"

"It's not like that at all, we haven't done anything and he just needs some time..."

Josh: "I'm not just playing around here, I KNOW who I am, I'm gay and I love you, I'm not just some guy who's confused or out for a fuck buddy. Just give me a chance, if I mean anything at all to you, if our friendship means anything to you..."

"He's not confused, he-he loves me. I know it. Josh, I'm really sorry, but I can't, I just can't. I love him, I love him and I can't just leave him for someone else."

Josh: "Not even me huh?"

"We're still friends, right. You're my best friend Josh, always were, always will be...right? Please just be happy for me, don't-where are you going?"

Josh: "Out, just away from here, away from you."

"I'm sorry. But I just don't love you like that..."

He stopped at the door and looked at me again. He opened his mouth like he was going to say something, but checked himself, left it unsaid, and left. I fell back on the sofa. I'm going to finish the job Jessica started on Stacy, I swear...

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Okay that's chapter 14. I hope you people like. Email at phoenix_587@yahoo.com or post on the group. Give your boy some credit! HUGZ! Thanks to everyone who's emailed so far. Thanks for the feedback! It's what keeps me writing...By the way, my group's at:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/phoenix_587

If yur interested. Feel free to send comments to birdofflame_587@yahoo.com or the previous email addy.

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