*********** DISCLAIMER: This story is not real. Comprende? *NSync (ie-- Chris and JC) may or may not be gay. Who cares? Whatever floats their respective boats is their business and not mine. I just like playing with them a little. No actual *NSyncers were harmed during the creation of this story.
Thanks go out to the nsyncslash list, SCOTT, Red, Jayne, DARA, Jackie, Angel, Demona, and everyone else who's e-mailed me about this story. I have a horrible memory for names, so forgive me if you're not mentioned here. I appreciate the feedback, I really do!
Special thanks to Kenitra ("Millennium Love") for the idea for the story's format. The song & lyrics are from Matchbox 20. **********
Scarce Heard Amid The Guns Below Bent- Chris POV By Colleen
It's been a week since Dani left Louisburg and I haven't heard from any of them. Not even Lance or Joey. I wonder what's up with them. They're the ones that wanted to keep in touch, yet they've drifted away from me. Odd.
"Chris?" I don't even bother using my fake name, sucky that it was. Hey- it kept Lance from finding me for six months, so I guess it wasn't that bad. Shaking myself out of my thoughts, I glance over at the person who spoke to me.
"Morning, Scott," I say. Scott and I have started to become friends, even though I'm very wary of people right now. He's managed to bring down a few of my defenses, no mean feat! He's kinda like the boss's assistant, although he isn't licensed to practise. He's a pretty cool guy, though.
"What are you doing for lunch?" he asks shyly. I inwardly smile. So that's what this is all about.
"Nothing as far as I know. Why?" I play innocent, wanting him to come out and say it on his own.
"Wanttojoinmeforlunch?" he asks in once breath. I burst out laughing.
"Can you slow that down?" I tease. Scott blushes a very pretty shade of red.
"Want to join me for lunch?" This time, he manages to speak at normal speed so I can understand him. For the first time in almost a year, I seriously consider it, too. I glance up to say 'yes' just as -wouldn't you know it- a patient walked in. Sighing to myself, I turned away from Scott to deal with the patient and by the time that was cleared up, he was gone.
Damn, I mutter mentally. It would have been nice... I think. Even after seven months of being pretty much single, I'm still not willing to meet anyone else. Josh will always be the only one for me, no matter how much time goes by. I just wish he felt the same way.
"Scott?" I ask him the next day. I managed to catch him just before he slipped into the back for the rest of the day.
"Morning," he greets me.
"I got sidetracked yesterday and I'm sorry. Would you like to do lunch today?" His entire face brightens up at my words.
"Sure!" he exclaims, fighting the urge to jump in the air. Or so it looks to me.
"Come get me about 12:30 and we'll go," I promise. He almost skips into the back, he's so happy. I softly laugh. Was I ever that excited about Josh? I hope so. It seems so long ago that we got together. Despite all that has happened, I still cry about losing him. Then again, how can you lose something you never had? It seems I never had Josh's love, so I couldn't have lost it. Right? I fight those thoughts back and concentrate on my work, mentally counting down until lunch. I'm actually looking forward to it. At 12:30 on the dot, Scott appears.
"Ready?" he asks me. Nodding, I poke my head into the boss's office to let him know I'm leaving and we're off. Just over a week ago, I was going for lunch with my ex-girlfriend. Now I'm doing it with a potential male friend. I'm not saying 'boyfriend' because to me, that implies some sort of romantic relationship. And I don't particularly want one of those right now.
"Tell me about you," Scott asks after we've ordered. I freeze up. What can I tell him? I can't tell him about Josh-- one never knows who's listening in. Or who will talk, for the right price. I guess the look on my face speaks more than my voice does, because Scott sighs slightly. "I didn't mean the really personal stuff, Chris. General-- birthday, family, etc."
"You don't already know?" I ask dryly and he grins ruefully.
"You know?"
"Scott, I was almost expecting you to drop dead when you walked in on my first day here the second time around. It was obvious you recognized me."
"Is *NSync finished?"
"I don't know," I tell him truthfully. "I don't know if I could handle seeing certain members of the group on a daily basis without losing my mind."
"What happened?"
"Can I keep that to myself?" I request. "It's VERY personal, and I don't think any of them would be too happy with me if I blurted our dirty laundry to someone they don't know. I know you won't say anything, but they don't know that. Not yet, anyway."
"Even though it seems you're angry at them, you're loyal," Scott says admiringly. I smile at how sweet he is.
"They're my friends, no matter what." A faint pain hits me but I fight it back. Maybe someday Josh and I can work on rebuilding our friendship, but for now things will have to stay as they are. Neither one of us is willing to break down and call the other, thereby making the first step towards fixing things.
"Are you dating anyone?" Scott asks suddenly, breaking the silence that had fallen upon us. I ponder his question for a while, wondering just how much I can tell him without revealing anything.
"No," I finally say. "There's nobody special in my life."
And the scary thing is, I'm almost believing it.
***** Can you help me? I'm bent I'm so scared that I'll never Get put back together. Yeah, you're breaking me in And this is how we will end With you and me-- bent *****