*********** DISCLAIMER: This story is not real. Comprende? *NSync (ie-- Chris and JC) may or may not be gay. Who cares? Whatever floats their respective boats is their business and not mine. I just like playing with them a little. No actual *NSyncers were harmed during the creation of this story.
Thanks go out to the nsyncslash list, SCOTT, Red, Jayne, DARA, Jackie, Angel, Demona, and everyone else who's e-mailed me about this story. I have a horrible memory for names, so forgive me if you're not mentioned here. I appreciate the feedback, I really do!
Special thanks to Kenitra ("Millennium Love") for the idea for the story's format. The song & lyrics are by the Beatles. **********
Scarce Heard Amid The Guns Below Crying, Waiting, Hoping - Chris POV By Colleen
Scott and I have been talking a lot over these last few days. We talk about many things, but the most recent conversation we had was about our past relationships. He told me just the other day that he was gay, so it's opened up a whole new world of possibilities for us. We have so much in common right now, making him my lifeline here in Louisburg. He's probably the only friend I have here -or in Orlando- seeing how Lance and Joey have forgotten the promise we made to keep in touch... no, don't go there. Just concentrate on what's going on right now. Scott and I are eating yet another lunch together, talking. I could fall in love with this guy if I let myself.
"So tell me about your last boyfriend," Scott asks through his drink. I nearly choke on my own. This is the only time since that first day we went out for lunch that he's asked me for really personal details.
"Umm..."
"Was he in the business?"
"Yes." Telling him that is OK, there are a lot of people in the business.
"Was he an employee of your record company?"
"Yes." It's not a lie-- technically, we are employees of Jive. If they really wanted to, they could force me back to Orlando to be with the others because I haven't exactly quit the group; I'm just taking a leave of absence. But Jive is being nice to me, God bless their souls.
"Was he..."
"Scott, please." I don't want to answer these questions of his anymore. "We broke up and that's that."
"Why did you break up?" OK, how am I going to answer this one?
"There was a lack of trust, for one thing," I start. "The biggest reason was I cheated on him."
"WHAT?"
"I got drunk one night and slept with someone else. At least it was a man. If it had have been a woman, it probably would have driven him over the edge."
"Chris, I never thought you'd be the type to DO that to someone..." Scott is almost speechless.
"So many sob stories are written like that- get drunk and sleep with someone else. It's just J... his ex-boyfriend had slept around a lot, which nearly destroyed him when he found out. To have the boyfriend he took forever to trust after that cheat on him... let's just say it was not pretty."
"Why?"
"Why did I cheat?" I ask. Scott nods. "I don't know. The night I got drunk, I don't even know why I was that way. It's not like we had a fight before we went to the club or whatever. It just... happened."
"Is that why you're here?"
"I couldn't face him, not after everything that's happened between us. We've both hurt each other so much..."
"What do you mean?"
"Scott, please don't make me talk about this anymore," I plead, fighting tears. "It was hard enough to live it, never mind re-live it."
"I'm sorry, Chris," he says sadly. "I didn't mean to hurt you." I let out an ironic laugh.
"You didn't hurt me. I hurt myself, and I have to live with it." A funny look crosses Scott's face and I frown. I don't like that look. But Scott doesn't say anything, just flags down the waiter and pays the cheque. We take turns paying, and it was supposed to be my turn... I'll make it up to him next time.
"Chris, it's me," Lance's voice says from my answering machine. "I'm sorry I haven't called for a while. I've been really busy with the reps from Jive working out a story for why you left..." Lance drones on and I tune him out. I don't really care what they tell the world about why I left. The doorbell rings, startling me. I open the door to find Scott on the other side.
"Hey," I greet him.
"Can I talk to you?" he asks. I nod and let him in. He sits down on a chair and studies the answering machine, still droning on. "Is that Lance?"
"Yeah. I don't really care about half this stuff anyway. I don't know why he bothered calling."
"He cares about you," Scott reproaches me. I sit back, properly chastised. "You know how we were talking about your ex-boyfriend?" he starts suddenly.
"Yeah."
"Why did you leave, instead of talking to him?"
"We're both too stubborn," I tell him with a sad smile. "Neither one of us is willing to make that first move."
"Will you at least try and save your friendship?"
"I wanted to try, but he made it quite clear that he didn't want to see me ever again."
"How do you figure that? Chris, he was there at the airport the day you left... SHIT." He realizes he's said too much.
"Who have you been talking to?" I demand. "Lance? Joey? DANI?"
"They're worried about you!" he protests. This does nothing for my anger at him for going behind my back like this. Before I can lay into him for his under-handedness, the doorbell rings again. I answer it, and look in shock at the figure standing on my doorstep.
"JOSH!"
***** Crying, crying, tears keep a-falling all night long. Waiting, waiting, it seems so useless, I know it's wrong to keep on... ...Crying, crying, waiting, waiting, hoping, hoping, you'll come back Maybe someday soon, things will change and you'll be mine. Crying, crying, waiting, waiting, hoping, hoping *****