*********** DISCLAIMER: This story is not real. Comprende? *NSync (ie-- Chris and JC) may or may not be gay. Who cares? Whatever floats their respective boats is their business and not mine. I just like playing with them a little. No actual *NSyncers were harmed during the creation of this story.
Thanks go out to my muses: Dara, Red, Scott, Jayne, Leash, and Jules. Without you guys, I wouldn't be writing so much. And that goes for everyone who has e-mailed me, too. If I didn't get such wonderful feedback from my readers, I wouldn't write. SO THANK YOU, all of you. And thank you to my muses. You guys rock.
Special thanks to Kenitra ("Millennium Love") for the idea for the story's format. The song & lyrics are by the Backstreet Boys (sorry!). **********
Scarce Heard Amid The Guns Below It's True- Chris POV By Colleen
"What have I done?" I whisper to myself once Josh is gone. "What the FUCK have I done?" Our conversation plays back in my head. Every word that was spoken, every facial expression, every gesture, and every twinkle of his eyes are permanently emblazoned on my brain. In my anger at myself, I pick up a nearby vase and throw it at the door. It shatters into thousands of tiny pieces, spraying all over the room, but I make no move to clean them up. The vase looks like how I feel right now-- broken. A knock at my door makes me jump. Once again, my mouth drops open at the person on the doorstep.
"What was that?" JC asks, looking worried. I thought he'd left! "I heard a crash. What happened?"
"A vase fell," I lie. He looks at me, not convinced.
"You threw it, didn't you?" Damn he knows me too well. I only nod and he sighs. "You're making this difficult for me, Chris."
"I'm making what difficult?"
"I left, not intending to come back. I don't want to hurt anymore, Chris, but I don't want you to hurt either. So I tried to make a clean break."
"And you thought it would help?"
"It was worth a try. Now, why would you throw an innocent vase at the wall?"
"That's what I'd like to know," Scott interrupts from the doorway. Josh and I both turn in surprise, not having heard him come in.
"Hi, Scott," I greet him. "What are you doing here?"
"I saw JC start to leave and figured you would need a friend."
"Are you lying to me again?"
"Again? When was the first time?"
"When you tried to make me trust you about my relationship. You slipped up tonight, Scott. Do you really think I'm going to tell you anything now? I know you talked to either Lance or Dani, probably both if I know them as well as I think I do."
"They're worried," Scott protests. "Lance called me, yes, but everything I did for you, I did in friendship. I swear, Chris."
"He's telling the truth," JC chimed in. "I can see it on his face. He's worried about you, too, Chris."
"Don't be. I brought this all on myself." I feel so... defeated and it comes out in my voice. JC suddenly gets mad and I raise an eyebrow at the expression on his face. I honestly think that if Scott weren't here, he'd slap me.
"Is that what you think?" I nod and he gets angrier. "Don't you DARE think that, Christopher. Yes, you cheated, but I didn't trust you. I know you would never intentionally do anything to hurt me, but I let the shadow of my ex-boyfriend get in the way of my heart. In my own way, I'm as much to blame for this mess as you. Don't ever think that you deserve this pain, because you don't."
"Pretty words, Josh. But words don't heal hearts."
"I know that, Chris, but they're a start."
"Why did you come back?" I asked them, not quite sure if I was talking to JC or to Scott. The sudden change of subject surprises them both.
"I told you-- I thought you'd need a friend," Scott answers first. He looks at JC, but JC is looking out the window, so I turn to Scott again.
"Why?"
"Because I had a feeling who your ex-boyfriend was. You talked about Lance and Joey all the time, but hardly ever Justin or JC here. So I figured it was one of them. And when he showed up, it confirmed."
"And I came back because..."
"Because why, Josh?" I'm so tired of this. I'm tired of life in general. I'm tired of feeling like I still belong to Josh, even though we broke up. But most of all, I'm tired of this pain I'm feeling.
"Because... because I still love you, Chris." I can only stare at him, not quite understanding until he starts to sing. And then, the tears fall because I know he means what he said, and I know that we still have a chance to rebuild what we lost. Maybe I'm not so tired of life after all.
***** Even a lover makes a mistake sometimes Like any other Fall out and lose his mind And I'm sorry for the things I did For your teardrops over words I said Can you forgive me and open Your heart once again? *****