********** DISCLAIMER: This story is not real, aka: "FICTION". I don't know *NSync, nor do I know their sexual preferences. If you're underage or homophobic, GO AWAY. Everyone else is welcome! Feedback to reader_colleen@hotmail.com, please.
Thanks to Kenitra of "Millennium Love" for giving the inspiration for the format of this story. And, as always, many thanks go out to the nsyncslash list (Jayne, Red, Wen, Becca, and the rest of you wonderful people!).
The song lyrics and title are from the musical "Whistle Down The Wind," by Andrew Lloyd Webber. **********
Scarce Heard Amid The Guns Below Tire Tracks and Broken Hearts- CHRIS POV By Colleen
***** ...If there's a slower death than living here and now They haven't found it yet. I need a man that knows what I am really worth. Well, I don't give a damn about life after death, But I gotta get some proof that there's a life after birth.
Tire tracks and broken hearts, That's all we're leaving behind. It doesn't matter what we're losing, It only matters what we're going to find. Tire tracks and broken hearts, Lets get away from the past. So many ways to stay hungry baby, So many ways to go fast... *****
Tire tracks and broken hearts... how fitting. Ever since I left Justin's yesterday, I've been crying. I'd thought I was all cried out, but I guess I'm not. Josh's words yesterday drove a knife into my heart. I asked him for an answer, and I got one. It was painful, but I got one. And now I know where I stand with him. Nowhere. That's more painful than knowing what I did to him. And so the tears come yet again.
After JC went back into the house, Joey and Lance both came running. Once they got what had happened out of me, Joey went back inside, vowing to murder someone, and Lance... what can I say about Lance? I'm mad at him in a way. After all, he did convince me to come back, and I got THIS. At the same time, I know he only meant well, so I can't stay mad at him for very long. But Lance stayed with me, and got me to his house. Somehow I don't think I'm welcome at Justin's place anymore.
Joey came by about an hour ago. He and Lance are downstairs, talking. I can't hear what they're saying, but I can imagine. They're talking about JC, I know they are. They're talking about me, too. I wish they wouldn't. I don't know what's going on with myself, so how can they? And I hate speculation. Always have.
"Chris?" Joey calls as he knocks on my bedroom door. I groan and roll over in bed.
"Go away!"
"No, Chris. Come on, it's nearly six o'clock!"
"In the morning?"
"No, dimwit! At night!" Involuntarily, I laugh and Joey opens the door, encouraged.
"I thought I told you to go away."
"Since when do I listen?" Joey asks sensibly. I laugh again. "It's nice to hear you laugh." I stopped laughing and Joey looked as if he were mentally kicking himself.
"S'okay," I said quietly, looking the other direction.
"Get dressed. Lance is ordering pizza."
"I don't feel like it."
"Too bad, Christopher. You are getting dressed and coming downstairs or I will kick your ass."
"But..."
"No argueing. Get dressed. If you are not downstairs in ten minutes, you are in deep trouble." I sighed and obiedently went to my new closet. I heard the door close as Joey left, and as soon as he was gone, I returned to bed. Instead of climbing under the covers, though, I sat on top of them and thought. I thought about Josh. I thought about me. I thought about what had happened. I thought about the fact that I ran away from my problems. But most of all, I thought about Josh. I was so deep in thought, I didn't even notice Lance had entered the room until he cleared this throat.
"Chris?"
"Yes, Lance?"
"You looked like you were so far away for a minute there."
"I was just thinking."
"About Josh?" Damn him. He always knew exactly what the problem was.
"What else?" I asked dryly and he smiled slightly.
"It wasn't your fault, you know."
"How do you figure? I slept with another man, ran away from Josh when he caught me, and I yelled at him yesterday. So tell me, WHICH PART WASN'T MY FAULT?" For his part, Lance didn't change expressions.
"The part about him not loving you. He doesn't know what he's missing, Chris." I gave him a look, trying to read the expression in his eyes. Was he hinting...
"Lance, is there something you want to tell me?" I finally asked. Lance looked confused for a minute before he started laughing.
"God, no!" he gasped. "It's just I know what a wonderful person you really are. I may not appreciate it as much as a gay man would, but I can still see the genuine sweetness in you... did I really say that? God, I am a big, walking greeting card here!" I laughed so hard that I started crying and fell off my bed, Lance soon joining me on the floor. The twin thuds brought Joey running.
"Um?" he asked when he saw me and Lance on the floor. From the look on his face, he was imagining some pretty kinky things!
"Lance, how do you do this?" I asked him.
"Do what?"
"Make me forget what my problems are." He smiled then, and I saw the fond look in his eyes when he looked at me. It wasn't the look of love, true, but it made my heart mend a little anyway. If he could still look at me with affection after all that I've done, then I guess things aren't really so bad after all.