*********** DISCLAIMER: This story is not real. Comprende? *NSync (ie-- Chris and JC) may or may not be gay. Who cares? Whatever floats their respective boats is their business.
Thanks go out to the nsyncslash list, SCOTT (twice now, Scott!), Red, Jayne, and everyone else who's e-mailed me about this story. I have a horrible memory for names, so forgive me if you're not mentioned here. I appreciate the feedback, I really do! I'm lucky I remember my own name sometimes...
Special thanks to Kenitra ("Millennium Love") for the idea for the story's format. The song & lyrics are by Chantal Kreviazuk. **********
Scarce Heard Amid The Guns Below Leaving On A Jet Plane- CHRIS POV By Colleen
***** All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go I'm standin' here outside your door I hate to wake you up to say goodbye But the dawn is breakin', it's early morn The taxi's waitin', he's blowin' his horn Already I'm so lonesome I could die
So kiss me and smile for me Tell me that you'll wait for me Hold me like you'll never let me go 'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane I don't know when I'll be back again Oh, babe, I hate to go
There's so many times I've let you down So many times I've played around I'll tell you now, they don't mean a thing Every place I go, I think of you Every song I sing, I sing for you... *****
Joey, Lance and I have been talking a lot these last few days. Talking about life, and about love, but mostly about Josh. It's been good, but I don't think I can stay. It will be too hard to face Josh every day. So I'm running away again. But this time it's not to protect Josh- it's to protect me. Seeing the look on his face when he told me he never loved me nearly destroyed everything I'd worked to build up over the years. He meant it, which is what hurts the most right now. He wasn't lying.
"Chris?" Joey calls from the bottom of the stairs. I'm still at Lance's place, but Joey has moved in with us for the time being. The battle lines have been drawn.
"What's up?"
"You planning on joining us any time soon?"
"Eventually," I respond. Joey's footsteps start up the stairs and I groan. I don't really want to have to see his sad eyes. If I have to look at him, I just might change my mind about leaving. And that would not be a good thing right now. I throw some clothes in my suitcase and start folding others in order to avoid the upcoming scene.
"Chris, don't go," Joey pleads from the doorway. I glance up from my bed.
"Joey, you know why I want to leave."
"What if I told you I don't want you to go?"
"You've told me that. Joey, please don't make this any harder on either one of us."
"I need you," Joey's voice is so sad that I break down and cry, yet again. Joey comes into the room and just holds me, not saying a word. He knows my mind is made up, no matter how hard this is for me, but he won't give up trying.
"You guys OK?" Lance asks. He must have come upstairs when he heard Joey come up, and he now stands in my doorway, watching the two of us cry.
"We're fine," Joey manages through his tears. Gently, I pull away from him and resume my packing. Joey sniffles once more before silently leaving the room and leaving me and Lance alone.
"Chris, you're hurting him," Lance says simply. Even though he meant the words gently, I take offense.
"Don't you think I know that?" I yell. "I'm fucking hurting, too! Do you think this is easy for me?"
"I know it's not."
"Then WHY are you doing this?"
"Running won't solve your problems, Chris," Lance tells me. I collapse on my bed with a sigh.
"I know, Lance. But I can't face Josh every day. We've both hurt each other too much. Just let me go, please."
"You asked me this before, Chris. I'm not letting you disappear again. I expect to hear from you regularly, no matter where you go." I laugh lightly.
"I'm going back to Louisburg. I already called my former boss and he'll let me take my position back. I think my old apartment is still available, too."
"As long as you keep in touch."
"I promise, Lance. And this is one promise I don't intend to break." My tears are drying, so Lance and I hug before he helps me finish packing. My flight leaves in two hours. We manage to get my stuff downstairs, where we find that Joey's already gotten the car ready. Silently, we pack the car. I get in the passenger side and Lance hops in the driver's seat. Joey gets in the back, clutching a stuffed bear I gave him once long ago. He looks so small and pathetic that I feel bad.
"Joey, I'm not going far," I attempt to reach out. Maybe if he knows where I'm going, he'll make this a little easier on both of us.
"But you're still leaving," he shoots back. Nope, this isn't going to be easy at all.
"You know why."
"I know, but I don't have to like it." He turns his head so I can't see his face anymore and I sigh. Lance is silent, but he tosses a sympathetic glance my way. We arrive at the airport an hour before I'm supposed to leave, so we check me in. This leaves us with forty-five minutes to kill. The longest forty-five minutes of my life. We sit at a coffee place in an uncomfortable silence, waiting for my flight to be called.
"Flight 446 to Louisberg now boarding," the intercom goes. With a heavy heart, I stand up. This is it. The end of *NSync, unless the guys replace me. The end of a musical career I never expected to have. But most of all, this is the end of four friendships I hoped would last forever. When I get on that plane, everything will change. Even if I keep in touch with Lance and Joey, it won't be the same. Before I start to cry yet again, I wordlessly wrap my arms around Lance, letting a few tears fall. How can I repay all he's done for me?
"Good luck, Scoop," I whisper into his ear. "The right girl-or guy-will come along eventually." Lance just smiles and hugs me tighter. He finally lets me go and I turn to Joey. Tears are running down his face in great rivers. I open my arms and he falls into them, sobbing.
"Don't leave," he begs me once again. Against his chest, I shake my head.
"It's too late, Joe," I whisper. "There's no going back. But I promise to keep in touch."
"You better," he tells me. "I want to know, Chris."
"Final call for Flight 446," that pesky intercom breaks in. I disentangle myself from Joey's embrace and kiss him gently on the cheek. I do the same for Lance, and then I turn and walk away. I don't look back, because if I do, I'll break down again. I manage to get to my gate and I board the plane without incident. As it prepares to taxi down the runway fifteen minutes later, I look back. I can see Joey and Lance against one of the windows, but they're not alone. Four figures stand there, watching my plane. Four people. Suddenly, the tears start again as I realize who they are- Joey, Lance, Justin, and Josh. They're watching me leave. The tears continue to fall as the plane takes off, and they don't end for a very long time.
"Goodbye, Josh," I cry softly as I watch the Orlando skyline receed beneath me. "I'm sorry."