"Tell him how you feel."
"I can't do that, Pat."
"Drew, yes you can. Just tell him that you love him."
"It's not that easy. He told me that he kissed Kyle and he realized he wasn't that way anymore. He doesn't want me. He wants Britney. Whatever confusion he had when we were younger, whatever doubt he may have had when he kissed Kyle, it's all gone. He's in love with Britney."
"Drew"
"Don't say anything else! It's already hard enough to deal with, without you making me talk about it over and over again. Just let it go. I'll never be happy. Maybe I don't deserve to be."
The sadness in his voice alarmed me. "You'll be happy one day, Drew. You have to believe that."
"Yeah, when I'm dead."
"That's not funny."
"I know, but it's the truth."
"No, it's not. You're just in a confusing place right now, but things will change. Give it time."
"Time won't help, and I'm not confused. I know that's what I kept telling you and John, but I only said it because I didn't want anyone to know the truth. I'm gay. I know I am. I've known for a while, but it was easier for me to pretend to be someone else. Whenever I have sex with Laurie, I close my eyes and pretend like she's a boy, usually John, but sometimes you. I don't want her, I've never wanted her, but I can't risk people finding out about me. I'm just getting so tired of pretending. I'm so fucking tired!"
We both were silent for a few seconds. I was trying to decide what to say to him, because something about the way he sounded scared me. "If it's hurting you not to tell, why don't you tell people so you don't have to keep it a secret anymore? I was scared to death when everyone found out about me, but now I wouldn't change it for the world because I don't have to pretend to be someone I'm not. It's so freeing to have that burden lifted from my heart. Maybe that's what you need."
"Are you crazy? I could never tell people! My father would kill me!" He took a breath. "I'm not like you, Pat. I couldn't deal with people knowing. I'm the freaking quarterback! I'm dating one of the hottest girls in school. I've worked too hard for the life I have now and I'm not going to ruin it! Not for some shit like this!"
"You were never going to dump her, were you?" The words came out of my mouth before I had time to think.
"What?"
"When we were seeing what was going on between us, you were never going to dump Laurie, were you?" I already knew the answer. I had known it all the time, but I wanted to hear it from him.
"I can't dump her. Not even for John. I won't have people questioning me. I couldn't deal with it." He sounded choked up.
"Do you want me to come over?" I asked.
"No, go on your date with Kyle. I'll be fine. I'm just having a bad night, that's all."
"Okay, but I'm coming over tomorrow and we'll hang out. Just the two of us, okay?"
"Sure," he said with a hint of torture in his voice.
"Are you sure you don't want me to come over tonight?"
"I'm sure, now hang up the damn phone and go get ready to see your boyfriend." He laughed a little, but I could tell it was a fake laugh.
"Okay, but I'll call you when I get back."
"Don't bother, I'm going to be with Laurie tonight. I probably won't be home until morning."
"Alright, I'll see you tomorrow."
"Cool." He hung up his end before I could say goodbye.
I hung up my phone, not sure what had just happened. I went over the conversation in my mind. `It's a good thing Kyle already told me about the kiss,' I thought. Then I realized I was being an idiot, worrying about Kyle when I should have been worrying about Drew. I had never heard him so sad before. I admit I was afraid of telling people I was gay, but now that everyone knew, it really wasn't that bad. I understood what Drew was feeling, right down to the pit in his stomach, but he seemed more terrified than I ever was. He had just revealed to me that he was gay and that shocked me, but part of me wasn't surprised. I knew something was wrong because of the way he was acting lately. At first I thought it was because I dumped him, but he talked to me with such ease sometimes, that I assumed it wasn't that. Plus I knew that I was second best because John had always been his first choice.
I had been talking to Drew over the past few weeks and each time he seemed to be a little sadder. The strange thing was that he would come to school or hang out with us and he would seem completely normal. I was beginning to really worry about him and now that I knew he was gay, I was even more worried. He hated himself and I knew from personal experience that there was nothing worse than hating who you are.
I got off my bed and started getting ready for my date. I really wasn't in the mood to go anywhere, but I didn't want to disappoint Kyle, so I forced myself to shower and put on some clothes. I was looking in the mirror when I heard a car horn. Kyle knew where my spare key was, but he rarely used it. I went downstairs and opened the front door to see Kyle bent over, with half his body inside the passenger window. I walked behind him and grabbed his hips. He jumped and hit his head. I gave him enough room so that he could stand up. He turned and smiled at me, then he gave me a hug and a kiss on my cheek before he walked towards my house.
Nick was in the driver's seat. "Hey, Nick." I said as I waved to him.
"Hey, Pat. Don't keep him out all night." He winked at me.
"I'll try not to. So what are you doing tonight?"
"Going to stalk John and Britney." He said it with such sincerity that I was stunned in to silence. I knew my face was in a state of shock. Nick laughed. "I'm just joking, goodness. Relax! John came to me man to man and talked to me about it and what can I say? I'm obviously the best man for Britney, but if she wants to test the waters a little more, that's fine with me." I was uncomfortable so I didn't say anything. Nick took his hand off the steering wheel and sighed. "You're no fun. Where's Drew? He would know that I was still joking." Nick grinned at me. "Britney and I are over and we're both moving on. As a matter of fact, I have a date tonight." I laughed. "That wasn't a joke. I'm serious."
"I know, I wasn't laughing at what you said. I was laughing at the expression on your face. Your right eyebrow went up and I don't know, it just made me laugh. So who's the lucky lady?"
"You know Chris' friend Jessica?"
"You're going out with Chris' Jessica?"
"Well I guess tonight she'll be my Jessica." His laughter put me at ease.
"You're joking again, aren't you?"
"Yes! But seriously, I'm going on a blind date with one of Jessica's friends."
"One of her friends from school?"
"I hope so. All those chicks are hot, so I'd take any of them, or all of them." He released an evil laugh, and this time I laughed with him. "You're finally catching on," he said with a smile.
"Well have fun on your date."
"I will, and I hope you guys do, too." He paused. "On that note, I must be on my way. So see ya." He flashed me the peace hand sign and took off down the other side of my driveway. I turned around to see Kyle sitting on my front steps.
"Your friend has issues," I told him.
"And yours don't?" he asked with a smile.
I punched him on the top of his shoulder. "So what do you want to do tonight?" I sat down next to him.
"Movies? Jimmy's? Bowling?"
"How about dinner at Jimmy's and then bowling?"
"Sounds good to me." He leaned in and planted a tender kiss on my lips.
"Okay, let me grab my wallet and lock up and we can go." I stood up.
"I'll wait here, I'm enjoying the fresh air." I ran up to my room and grabbed my stuff. As I was coming down the stairs with a smile on my face, I thought about Drew. I could feel my smile fade. I hoped I would see him and Laurie so I could make sure he was alright. I locked the door and turned to face Kyle. "What's wrong?" he asked.
"Nothing, just a little worried about Drew."
"Is everything okay with him and Laurie?"
"I don't know." I was pleasantly surprised when Kyle didn't push me for any details. We got in my car and listened to the radio as I drove to Jimmy's.
We were almost done eating when Laurie and a group of her friends walked in. Laurie looked like she had been crying and she was leaning on one of the girls. They sat down in a booth. I told Kyle I was going over to say hi, and I got up to go over there and find out where Drew was. I walked towards the booth and when the girls noticed I was walking over to them, they all shot me death looks. I wanted to turn around and retreat, but I needed to find out why Laurie wasn't with Drew. I stopped at the side of the booth. "Hey Laurie, where's Drew?"
"Fuck you!" she said.
"What?"
"I said, fuck you! Now get away from my table!"
"What the hell is your problem?"
"Drew and I broke up."
"What? He dumped you?"
"No! I dumped him."
"Why would you do that?"
"You know why!" she shouted.
"No I don't!" I shouted back.
"He's gay!"
I almost bit my tongue. "Did he tell you that?"
"No, but I know he is!"
"How do you know?"
"I got to his house a little early tonight. His father let me in and told me Drew was in his room. I went to his door and I was about to go in, but I heard him talking. I don't know why I did it, but I stopped to listen and I heard what he said to you! He's gay! And he's in love with John! And he's just using me!" she said as tears began to run down her face.
"He's not using you. He does care about you a lot." I told her, trying to calm down the situation.
"No he doesn't! But it's okay because he's going to get what's coming to him. I'm sure his father overheard me cursing him out for being a faggot and we both know tolerant is not in that man's vocabulary. And I promise you that on Monday, the whole damn school will know that the captain of the football team, the fucking quarterback, Mr. Manly Man himself, is a cocksucking faggot!" She wiped a tear away.
"You can't mean that!" I said just as loudly as she was speaking to me.
"I do! You wait and see! He's going to pay for what he's done to me!"
"Yeah girl, that's right!" came the cheers from her friends and some other people in the diner. `What idiots,' I thought.
"You're not thinking straight," I told her.
"Don't try to reason with her, she's just showing her true colors. I told you she was a bitch!" said Kyle as he stepped beside me.
"Oh and there's your little boyfriend, right on cue! God, you two are sick!" Laurie told us as she looked at us in disgust. "You two pansies probably did this to him. I told him to stop hanging around with faggots, but he wouldn't listen, now look what you've done to him. And what about John? Is John one, too? I called Britney to warn her but I couldn't reach her. I don't want another innocent girl to get hurt by a lying faggot!"
"Must you use that word?" asked Kyle.
"You got a problem with it, Faggot?" she asked, with the tears gone and a look in her eyes fueled by pure anger.
"Yeah, I do!" he shouted.
"What, are you going to hit me?" asked Laurie.
"No, I don't waste my time with trash." Laurie lunged at Kyle, but he stepped back and she ended up in the laps of the girls sitting next to her.
"I hate you! I hate all of you!" yelled Laurie.
"Good, because I hate you, too!" Kyle told her.
I grabbed Kyle's arm. "Come on, let's go." I walked to the register and pulled out thirty dollars. "Keep the change." I told the cashier. He nodded and Kyle and I walked out the door. We got in my car and I said, "We need to go check on Drew."
"Whatever," said Kyle. I looked at him and saw that he was crying.
"Don't let her get to you. She's just hurting right now because she really loved Drew. She's probably named their children by now and picked out the type of house they would live in."
"It's not that."
"Then what is it, Kyle?"
"Everyone knows about us."
I looked in his eyes and it clicked. Laurie had basically pulled him out of the closet. "Oh, Kyle, I'm sorry. I didn't realize"
He cut me off. "No, it's okay. I was planning on telling everyone anyway, just not like this. I guess I waited too long."
I put my arm around him and pulled him towards me. "It'll be okay, Kyle. I promise." I kissed his head.
"I know, Pat, I know." Then there was a loud crashing sound. I looked up to see a group of people in front of my car. Someone had thrown a rock or something because there was a crack spreading across my windshield. Kyle moved away from me.
"Get out of here, faggots!" yelled one of the guys.
I started the car and backed out the spot. A rock crashed through my back window as I stopped to turn out of the parking lot. "Shit!" I said as I turned out of the lot and sped down the road until we reached a stop sign. My heart was still racing. I had never been treated like that before. "Are you okay?" I asked Kyle.
"No, but let's go check on Drew since all this shit is his fault."
"It's not his fault."
"Don't defend him! Not now!" Kyle was angry with me and that hurt.
We didn't say anything for the rest of the ride. I parked in front of Drew's house and we got out and walked up his front steps. His father's car was missing. I knocked and his mother came to the door. "What are you boys doing here?" she asked.
"We need to see Drew." I told her.
"Come back tomorrow." She moved to close the door, but I pushed it back open and walked in.
"Get out or I'll call the cops." she threatened.
"Call them!" I told her as I went up the stairs to Drew's room. Kyle followed silently behind me. I opened Drew's door and there he was, lying on his bed, crying. I sat down next to him and put a hand on his shoulder. His body tensed and he screamed out in pain. I tugged at the bottom of his shirt and he pushed against his bed so I could pull the shirt up. There were bluish, reddish, brownish marks all over his back.
"Oh my God!" Kyle gasped. Drew turned his face to look at Kyle and Kyle's face went white. He stood there with his mouth open, gawking at Drew.
"Call John." I told him.
c Lustyville 2006 Please send comments to lustyville@yahoo.com and check out my yahoo group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/lustyville.