Nick and I were parked in front of my house. "Just go in," he told me.
"I can't. I'm scared."
"I doubt if your parents have heard anything yet, and if they have, I'm sure they'll be cool. They always are."
"What if you're right and they haven't heard anything? Should I tell them?"
"Yes. It's better if they hear it from you."
"Will you come in with me?" I asked him.
"Of course. You were there for me three years ago when I had to explain to my mother that I wasn't gay, so the least I can do is be here for you when you tell your parents that you are." He smiled at me and I forced myself to smile back but he could tell my heart wasn't in it. "Come on, let's get out before you have a heart attack."
"I don't know if I can walk in there. My legs feel weak. I can't stand up. Why don't we go to your house and we can come back down here in an hour or so, after my heart slows down." He put his hand on my shoulder. "You'll feel the same way in an hour. The sooner you get it over with, the sooner you can relax." He got out the car and walked around to my side. He opened my door and reached to hug me or so I thought. The second I put my arms around him, he was pulling me out the car. I was a lot bigger than him, but he caught me off guard and I ended up on the ground. "Get up."
I stood up and walked towards my front door. My legs felt like jell-o. My hands shook as I fumbled trying to put my key in the lock. Nick took the key out of my hand and unlocked the door for me. "I can't do this," I whispered.
"But we can," he told me.
"Stop that. I'm supposed to be the strong one." I tried to smile at him to let him know I was joking, but I couldn't.
"Don't try to joke at a time like this." He pushed the door open and waited for me to walk in.
The first person I saw was my little sister. "Is it true, Kyle?" I couldn't tell my little sister that I was gay. My mind refused to form the sentence and my mouth refused to open, so I did the next best thing: I stared in her eyes hoping she would see the truth. She ran over to me and hugged me. "It's okay Kyle. I'll protect you."
If I wasn't afraid of talking to my parents, I definitely would have appreciated that moment. The only time she hugged me was when my parents made her, yet there she was, in my arms, squeezing me tight like she could save me from the world. I wanted to thank her but I still couldn't find the words. My eyes began to water and I pulled her closer. I leaned down and kissed the top of her head, catching a whiff of her hair. She had been washing her hair with some fruity smelling shampoo since the summer. I hated using the bathroom after her because that smell took over the room like the plague, but today, it almost smelled like fresh flowers.
"Where's Mom and Dad?" I asked her after my voice came back.
"They're in their bedroom talking."
I released my embrace, but she still held on tight. "You have to let go of me now. I need to talk to them."
"They know," she said.
"I figured as much."
"It's my fault," her voice cracked and I realized she was crying.
"It's not your fault. It's okay."
"It is my fault. I told them about the rumor last night after Becky called me to tell me what her older sister said. I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry. You didn't do anything wrong. Someone was going to tell them eventually, so why not you?" I started moving her arms from around me. "I'm going to go talk to them."
"Okay." She stepped away from me and I looked at her with her tears falling down her face. Lately I had only looked at her and seen a brat, but for those few minutes, she was my little sister again. She was the same little girl who followed me around the house when she was three, and the same girl who broke her arm trying to swing on the monkey bars like me and Nick when she was five.
I moved to walk down the hallway to my parents' room and Nick moved with me. I stopped him, "I think I need to do this alone," I told him.
"I thought you might say that. I'll be right out here if you need me."
"Thanks." I walked to their room and knocked on the door. "Mom, Dad, it's me. Can I come in?"
"It's not locked," said my mother.
I turned the knob and walked in. My mother was sitting on the bed and her eyes looked puffy, probably from crying all night. My father was on their exercise bike, undoubtedly working off some of his frustration. I closed the door behind me and stood there, waiting for them to say something.
"So you made it home," said my mother.
"Yes."
"How was your night?" asked my father with a hint of sarcasm.
"Not too great."
"Oh. Your mother and I had a rough night, too." He stopped pedaling. "Why the hell didn't you call us last night? Your mother was worried sick!"
"I'm sorry. Things were really hectic last night and I lost track of time."
"Hectic? Why?" asked my father.
"I think you already know why." I couldn't look at him, so I focused on the window instead.
"Why?" shrieked my mother. I turned to look at her and her eyes were shining with fresh tears.
"I'm sorry." I told her.
"I know you can't help it. I know that. I know it!" She grabbed a kleenex and wiped her eyes. "Is that why you didn't want me to meet your special friend? Are you dating a boy?"
"Yes." Seeing her cry made my eyes water.
"So it's true?" I shook my head `yes.' "Why didn't you tell me? You could have talked to me about it."
"I was afraid."
"Why?"
"I didn't know how you would react."
"What? Did you think I would stop loving you? Please don't tell me you thought that little of me."
"I, I, I"
"You what son? Spit it out!" yelled my father. He ripped the voice right from my throat and I was rendered speechless. "Say something!"
"I'm sorry."
"I don't want to hear how sorry you are, I just want you to apologize to your mother because you hurt her feelings. She's not some bigot, and you know that! She is much more understanding than I am." He was right about that. My mother had a natural way with people. Her mere being emitted an aura that instantly put you at ease.
"I didn't tell her because I didn't want her to look at me differently. I knew she wouldn't judge me!" I turned my attention back to my mother. "I knew you wouldn't judge me, but I knew things would change. Having a gay son isn't the same as having a straight son, no matter how hard you try to pretend that it is. I wanted everything to be normal."
"Come here," she said as she motioned for me to sit next to her on the bed. I sat next to her and she pulled me to her with my head resting on her chest. "Nothing will change. You'll always be my Kyle and it doesn't matter if you love a man or a woman. All I want is your happiness."
"I need some air," announced my father as he got off the bike and walked out the room. I sat up and looked at my mother. "He'll be okay. He just needs a little time to adjust."
"What did he say about me when you heard the rumor last night?"
"Hush, baby. Don't worry about that. You know he's already planned your life out for you and now he has to make some changes, but it's his problem, not yours."
"You did this to him!" We heard my father scream. I shot up and ran to the living room where I saw my father, pinning Nick to a wall. "You made him gay! I should have never allowed him to hang around with you. You've been soft ever since your father died."
"Get off of him," I shouted. I ran and pushed my father off of Nick. I didn't think my father would hit him, but I didn't want to take any risks either.
"He did this to you!" my father yelled. I looked around the room and saw my little sister with a horrified expression on her face.
"He didn't do anything to me! He's not even gay!"
"Kyle, everyone knows. There's no need to try to cover up for him anymore."
"I'm not covering for him! He's not gay!"
My father looked at Nick. "You're not?"
"No, I told you I wasn't!" Nick was red with anger so I decided to try to diffuse the situation before either one of them did something we would all regret. My mother must have had the same idea because she took my father's hand and pulled him towards their room, while I pulled Nick in to a hug and held him as he cried in to my chest. My father had no right to bring up Nick's father like that. I knew he did it because it was the best way to hurt Nick, but Nick didn't deserve to be hurt. He was an innocent target.
When they reached the entrance to the living room, my mother said, "I'm sorry Nick. You know he didn't mean it. He's angry right now and looking for someone to blame. I'm sure he'll be much calmer when we see you next time." She pushed her nails in to my father's hand. "Won't you, Honey?"
"Yes."
"Now tell the boy that you're sorry."
"I'm sorry," my father said without a hint of sincerity in his voice.
Nick kept his face planted in my shirt and didn't respond. "Let's go to your house," I whispered in his ear. "I don't think my father wants to see either one of us right now." We walked down the street in silence. His mother was at work so we knew his house was empty. Once inside, we made a bee line for his bedroom and both collapsed from exhaustion. Neither of us had slept well at Pat's house, mostly due to the fear of what was waiting for us when we left the security of his house. The sound of a phone ringing woke us up a few hours later. "Fuck!" I shouted as I realized it was my phone. I found it and answered it without looking at the name. "Yes?" I screamed in to the phone.
"Uh, hi," said Pat.
My mood immediately changed. "Hey."
"Hey. What were you doing?"
"Taking a nap with Nick."
"Should I be jealous?" he asked.
"Well he is an animal in the bed!" I laughed. "So what's going on over there? How's Drew?" I think my mind did a double take when I realized that I was asking about Drew. I cared about Drew about as much as I cared about Laurie. Well, okay, that's not exactly true. Drew's recent situation had me seeing him in a new light and I think, given Laurie's bitch move on Friday, Drew was safely out of the same category with her.
"I've got something to tell you," he whispered.
"Okay," I whispered back.
"We had to take Drew to the hospital today. He doesn't want us to tell anyone, but I'm going to tell so everyone knows to keep an eye out for him. He has three broken ribs."
"And the doctor sent him home?"
"Yeah, I don't understand that one either. I asked Drew about it in the car and he said he has seen that doctor a few times. Apparently the doctor is friends with his father. That's probably why the asshole takes such lame excuses."
"Huh?"
"Drew told him he was jumped by students from a rival school."
"Why isn't that believable?"
"Our rival teams get a kick out of beating Drew. The game is less fun if he's not in it because they know it means nothing. Our team is garbage without him and everyone admits it. Beating our football team without Drew is like beating up a disabled kid. You can't brag about that shit."
"Oh," I said. I knew nothing about our football team and our rivals, so I left it at that.
"Anyway, the doctor told him to rest for at least a week, but he wants to go back to school on Monday."
"Why would he want to do something like that? Especially with all the drama going on."
"He said he made this mess so he should face it with the rest of us."
"Well I agree with him about him making the mess, but he can't go back to school on Monday. He's going to be in too much pain."
"He'll try to fight through the pain. I told him he can stay here and relax as long as he wants to, but he said he was going to go back to school on Monday and he's going home Monday evening."
"What? Is he crazy?"
"Yes."
"What did your parents say about him going home on Monday?"
Pat paused. He never said much about his parents and I hadn't met them yet, but I assumed they would have something to say about Drew's situation. "Nothing really."
"Oh."
He then changed the subject. "Well that's the latest. How was your day?"
"Better than I expected, but still worse than I thought it would be."
"That bad, huh?"
"My mother and my little sister are cool, but my father flipped on Nick. It was horrible."
"Aww, I'm sorry to hear that. You want to come over and I can make it all better?"
"And just how would you do that?"
He made an almost sensual laugh. "I have my ways."
"John and Drew are still there, aren't they?"
"Yes, but I have other bedrooms in my house."
"I thought you were too worried about Drew to do anything?"
"That was last night. I know he's going to be okay today, so now I can have a little fun."
"Are you serious? With all that's going on, you want to mess around with me?"
"Is the sky blue?"
"Actually it's cloudy right now."
"Don't make me beg Kyle. Come keep me company. Please?"
"What about Nick?"
"You can bring him to keep Drew entertained while John takes a break. He and Drew seem to get along pretty well."
"They do. I guess it's a good thing they didn't meet until this year because I think John and I would be without our best friends."
"Stop exaggerating."
"It's true. You must not have watched the two of them in action. They're something else. They'll definitely be buddies for life. You know Nick kept talking to him during, you know?"
Pat knew I was referring to the period when he was confused about who he wanted. "Well, I think we're about to enter a time much worse than that."
"I thought you were trying to focus on happy thoughts," I said.
"The sooner you get here, the happier I'll be," he told me. I liked the idea of my presence bringing him happiness. `I could get use to him needing me,' I thought.
c Lustyville 2006 Please send comments to lustyville@yahoo.com and check out my yahoo group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/lustyville.