Hey fellas. Thanks to everyone who wrote after chapter one. I tried to write everyone back. But I was out of town for a wedding for most of the last week. It was torture too. I can shake my ass pretty good for a white boy, so I was a big hit with the girls...even though that wasn't what I was really after. Anyways, on with the story. I don't know how long it's gonna be. I think every story sort of tells itself. It's like that quote from the movie about Jackson Pollock. Someone asks him when he knows when one his paintings is done.
He says "How do you know when you're done having sex?" Okay okay, that doesn't mean this one will be over the first time Sean and Dan get off together, if that's what ends up happening. Some of you noticed there wasn't any sex last time. There will be. But I don't know when. Well...I do know when, but I'm just not saying.
Part of what I'm doing with this story is trying to explain how a guy like me, and maybe like you, finds himself dealing with a situation he never expected to deal with. Sex and being attracted to guys is a huge part. But it's not the only part. And the more I think of it, not even the biggest part (although sometimes it sure as hell seems like the BEST part. But my point is that this is the story of how I got to be who I am today, or maybe how I was all along and didn't know it. Maybe you'll recognize some of yourself in it. Maybe not. I don't really know. So I guess I'll quit screwing around and get on with the show...
Straight Boys Sean and Dan: Chapter Two
So Sean had winked at me. Now I was in trouble for sure. I know what you're thinking. He'd winked at me. Now you can get to the good part. The part where you show up at his door later that night wearing a baggy white tee, your favorite worn in dodgers ball cap with the bill creased just the right way, and loose fitting cargos, the kind that make your ass look like a million bucks. You knock on his door and he opens it instantly. He's wearing green lacrosse shorts and a wife beater. You can see where his nipples are under the fabric. He invites you in. You notice the fine hairs just under his armpit and his slightly athletic smell.
And as soon as you're two steps in the door his hands are under your tee shirt, pinning you back against the door. Your pulse picks up and your face flushes. But you let yourself get pinned and in a second his hands are tracing over your flat stomach...slowly up your chest, until you lean your head back and let out a sigh that's been building up for 5 years as his thumbs brush over your nipples and you feel his hot breath on your neck and his soft voice in your ear whispering that "I've wanted you for so long."
I know that's what you're thinking happened. That's exactly what I was thinking about as I walked out onto the quad. It seemed like a thousand times before in the last few years these fantasies ran over and over in my head like a bird outside your window when you're trying to sleep in. Except these fantasies always made my dick hard. And they always left me a little more confused each time.
"A thousand times before..." I said out loud to myself as I scuffed my New Balance cross trainers across the ground and kicked a pebble. I must have looked like an 11 year old who had just lost his baseball behind a fence with a big old dog barking from the other side. Game off.
"I've felt this way a thousand times before...about a dozen different boys...and nothing's changed. I wonder if it ever will." Except this time was different. I had Sean's phone number crumpled up on a piece of paper in my pocket. I was supposed to call him. To be in the same room with him. Alone.
Shit, what had I gotten myself into? Sean must've seen me staring at him. I had practically drooled on his shoes. I may has well given him an invitation inside my boxers right in front of everyone. It's not like I have gaydar or anything. But that boy would have to be a fucking imbecile to not know I was into him.
Then again, he didn't seem to mind. He'd winked even. I mean HE had stared at ME too. And HE had winked at ME. That's not something straight guys do right? Is it?
I felt the crumpled ball of paper in pocket and remembered how close I'd come before, the first time, when the same type of thing had happened.
It was in high school. I was 16. Sophomore Geometry class. I was scribbling away on a piece of paper, trying to cheat on my homework at the last second when I heard someone laugh and looked up. It was Mark Miller from the golf team. I'd never really noticed him before. But when he walked in I looked at him in his board shorts and sandals, his smooth strong calves showing, a nice deep tan on his face, with short brownish-blond hair, I dropped my pencil. I'd never felt anything like that. My stomach got all knotted up and I'm sure I blushed. What the fuck? I buried my nose in my textbook and went back to the rhombus problem. But I'm pretty sure that's when it all started.
I had never really talked to Mark or anything. He was a year older. And we didn't have any reason to talk. He was on the golf team. I was on the baseball team. But one day in class he came up to me and asked if I could help him with some homework.
Looking back, I can see it's a pretty classic approach to getting to know a guy. At the time it didn't make any sense though. I was practically failing the stupid class. And Mark was kicking ass. But I didn't think anything was up. Honestly, the whole time he was asking me I was stealing glances at the bulge in his jeans. My mouth was drying up and I barely heard him when he said "Uh, so is that cool Dan?"
"What?"
"I'll drive you over to my place after practice gets out and we can hit the books in my room for awhile?"
"Oh. Yeah dude. Sure. That's cool."
"Excellent bro. Later then."
School flew by. And about 5pm, after I booted about ten grounders at third thinking about Mark's ass, I jumped out of the shower, got dressed, left the locker room and met Mark in front of the school.
"Hey bro. How was practice," he asked.
"Uh not bad dude. Bad day with the ol' leather. The ball was jumping on me everywhere. I got bruised up some."
"No shit bro? Lemme see." And before I knew it he had the tail of my shirt up under my chin. He had stepped close enough so I could see that his hair was sticking to his forehead from sweat. And I could just see the edge of his collar bone under his short sleeve red polo shirt. He was wearing a thin silver chain. Then I felt his hands on my skin.
"Damn Dan. You gotta keep your eye on the ball bro. That shit's gonna bruise." He was lightly tracing his fingers just under my left nipple, which was getting hard fast. I pushed his hand away.
"Yeah bro I guess. Goes with the game. But baseball players are tough, unlike you fag golfers." I punched him in the arm and he smiled a little but mostly looked at me funny for a second, like he was thinking real hard about something.
"I'll show you who's the fag candy ass." After he said that he slapped my ass hard and took off running toward his car.
"LOSER," I yelled as I watched his calves clench and unclench for a second before I took off after him.
We got to his car, a blue jeep wrangler, and he let me in. He turned the key and we set off toward his house. He left the stereo off, so I figured maybe he wanted to talk.
"So this is a nice ride dude. You must have had to suck a lot of cock to pay for it."
"Yeah dude," he said with a straight face. "But it was worth it."
"Damn Mark, I didn't realize you liked sucking cock so much."
"I doubt you'd be complaining dude," he said and squeezed my thigh just above my knee, and then he winked at me.
I laughed hard out loud and so did he. This was cool. Yep, there was a little sexual tension going on. But we were both playing it safe, not being obvious enough to tip our hand to the other one. I was pretty fucking scared too I'll admit.
Sometimes your hormones and instincts take over and do your thinking for you, otherwise you'd totally lose your nerve. And as he cruised into his driveway I noticed him looking at me out of the corner of his eye, I figured I'd go with this. Why the hell not? I mean I wasn't gonna do anything gay. I'd just go with the flow.
This is the fucking enigma about guys too, if you ask me. I like guys. I like hanging out with him. Playing sports. Watching sports. Maybe drinking a beer. Just being guys and enjoying the easygoing camaraderie. No pressure. No stress. Just buddies hanging out.
As I looked at Mark I knew sucking cock would change all that. Guys like me and you, we wear baseball caps and sometimes wear dirty socks if the laundry's not done. We say fuck in front of girls and like to drink cheap beer. We work out cuz we like how it makes us feel and sometimes how hot a hard body looks, a nice round bicep, firm toned pecs. We like to look at other boys-boys who we know watch sportscenter just like us, most of the time for the highlights and other times for the freshman point guard from Gonzaga or the jr second basemen from LSU.
But hell, boys like you and me, how do we meet boys like us? I don't know. I didn't know it then with Mark. And I was sure I didn't know it now with Sean. How does a guy who acts like a guy and is into guys who act like guys...well, uh, how does he let those guys know he's into them? "Hey dude, did you catch the score in the Braves Mets game? No. Damn. Do you suck cock? I wouldn't mind going back to your place and licking your balls while you rub your big hard cock on my face, and then maybe, if you're cool about it and don't tell anyone, spraying your load on my face. But fuck dude you better not tell anyone or I'll kick your ass. What's that? Well sure man, if you WANT to fuck me like a bitch I guess I'm cool with that."
See? It just can't happen that way. There's only one way it can happen. Someone's got to take a chance. To pick up on the signs and say what the fuck I'm going for it. That's what Mark did.
"You wanna beer Dan?"
"Sure man, that's cool. But dude, don't think you can take advantage of me if you get me all liquored up."
"From what I hear bro it doesn't take any booze at all. You mean you haven't seen that sign over your bed, Dan Jacobsen, over 1 billion served?"
"Fuck no dude. No one told me about it. I thought they still had the take a number dispenser outside my door."
Mark laughed as he sat down next to me on the couch. We had thrown our bags down by the door on the way in and somehow I didn't think we were gonna be doing much studying.
We weren't sitting far apart. Maybe a foot. It was a small couch. And suddenly I was noticing every single detail about Mark that I hadn't studied before. I held my beer in my hand and looked at the sock which was cut short and just below his thin ankle. Up his leg he had a light dusting of brown hair. His right leg was folder under his left leg...and his shorts were opened just enough that I could look a little ways up the inside of his smooth inner thigh. I noticed he had shucked his red polo shirt and was wearin just a thin white wife beater. His silver chain hung down just below his neck.
"So bro, you wanna just shoot the shit some before we hit the books?
"Yeah sure, that's cool with me," I said.
"Cool."
"Cool."
I looked up at him and he was looking at me, smiling a little. We both laughed out loud. He looked away and scooted his leg out to straighten up. It brushed against my right leg.
"Ooops, sorry bro."
"No worries man."
He left his leg there though. We both got really still. I could feel his leg on mine. His skin was hot to the touch. I didn't look up at him. But I could hear him breathing some. I pushed my leg back against his. He didn't move.
He set his beer down on the table and I looked at him. I'd never noticed his eyes before which were very dark green. I couldn't turn away.
"Just tell me if you want me to stop dude," he said. I didn't even know how long it had been since I wanted some like this to happen. Sitting there, finally being touched by another guy, letting myself and all the stress and tension go. It was like I'd been waiting for this moment my whole life. It was just him and me breathing in the room.
I couldn't speak. I just nodded. I felt his left hand just above my knee on my thigh. I was wearing shorts. His skin felt so good. He traced his fingers lightly up my leg a little further.
I closed my eyes and leaned back a little. I bit the bottom of my lip and moaned when I felt his finger tips brush inside the edge of my boxers and trace the hairs on the very upper inner part of my thigh, right next to my balls.
Then I felt him shift. He wrapped his left arm around my shoulder and draped it just over my chest. He was facing me now. And his right hand was on my thigh. I looked at his green eyes. They were glazed over. He had little beads of sweat building up on his sideburns and lip. I looked down at his right hand and he brought it right up on to my balls and cupped them in his hand squeezed.
I moaned louder. It felt like my chest was on fire. I was breathing harder and Mark grabbed the outline of my cock in his hand and pumped it a little. I lifted my ass off the couch to push more of my cock into his hand. His left hand had crept down to my left nipple and was rubbing back and forth across it, getting it to stand up hard. I'd never felt like that there before.
I pushed my head back on the couch and moaned again. I felt his breath on my neck. He was kissing me. His lips felt so incredibly soft I couldn't believe it. They were feathering kisses up and down my neck. Over my collar bone and back up to my ear lobe. He gently sucked it in his mouth and I moaned louder. His tongue played over the edge of my ear as he pushed me legs further apart.
I spread them for him and his hand went to the top of shorts to unzip them. I looked down at his hand just above my cock and almost came right there. He kept licking the edge of my ear as he pulled the zipper down.
"Oh god Mark, this is so fucking awesome..."
"Just wait dude...," he licked my ear again, "It gets better." Right then his hand disappeared inside my boxers. I felt his hand wrap around my dick and squeeze. My boxers already had a wet spot but it got bigger now. Mark ran his thumb over the head of my cock and on the under side. I shuddered.
He was licking the bottom of my chin now. He pulled his hand out of my boxers and it was sticky with my precum. I watched his hand as it moved up slowly to his face. He stuck out his tongue and rubbed my precum on it. I couldn't fucking believe it. My dick got even harder than I thought was possible.
Then Mark took his index finger and slowly pushed it across his lips, which were now shiny with my precum on them. As I stared at his mouth I felt his hand go back to my balls and start rubbing that spot under them. I closed my eyes and felt Mark's lips press against mine. At first I just arched my back and met his kiss. But I felt his tongue on my lips and slowly, not caring what it meant, I let his tongue in my mouth.
I had tasted myself once before. But tasting myself on Mark's tongue was completely different. He leaned into me harder and started stroking my rock hard 6.5 inch cock even harder. His left hand was on the back of my head, stroking my neck, pulling me in
harder for the kiss.
Before I knew what hit me my dick was fucking exploding. I moaned really loud and bucked my hips. I looked down at Mark's hand as rope after rope of hot white cum shot out of my dick landed on my bare stomach and all over Mark's hand. He had pulled off my face but kept pumping my cock.
He kept it up until I pushed his hand away. It was sooo sensitive. I leaned back and tried to catch my breath.
Mark still had my cum on his hand. He was looking at it. And then he was looking at me.
He looked nervous. And very fucking hot.
"Um Dan, I'm sorry dude."
"huh?"
He wiped his hand off and got up. I could see he had a big hardon in his shorts.
"Fuck dude, I'm so sorry." He started pacing around the living room. I could tell he was really nervous and afraid I was gonna freak.
"Look dude," he said "just please don't tell anyone man...shit dude please. I just thought...I mean I don't know...it looked like maybe....I figured you were...oh shit man I'm so sorry."
He looked like he was about to cry now. I got up and walked toward him in two steps. I put my arm out to rest on his shoulder. He flinched. He thought I was gonna hit him.
"Dude, Mark. Relax."
He wouldn't look at me. His bottom lip was trembling. I took his chin in my hand and stared into his green eyes.
"Mark. Dude. Listen. It's okay. O-K. I ain't gonna tell no one dude. Not a soul"
He looked up at him tentatively. "Really man? Dude, I don't know what I was thinking...I've never done anything like that before...I mean I'm sorry I just saw you and you were there and I couldn't help it and I liked it and I figured you did cuz it sure looked like you did and I thought if you did then it was cool but I didn't know and now I'm wondering if I fucked up and-"
I had my lips on his now. And it lasted longer this time.
"Dude, I liked it. I LIKED IT. It's okay."
He smiled now. "Yeah?"
"Yeah bro. Totally okay. In fact, I was thinking we should fuck this studying idea and....uh..."
"Yeah?" he said.
"Yeah man. Definitely," I said.
Hard to believe that was almost 7 years ago. And hard to believe I had fucked it up that bad after such a good start. But I guess guys like us are up against it. No easy rows to hoe. No free lunches. No simple cliches to make it all easier. It had started so well with Mark.
But here I was, 7 years later, with Sean's practically worn out piece of paper in my pocket, wondering if I'd finally get it right. Wondering if I was bigger than this thing, or if it was bigger than me. It was only 3 o'clock. I had four hours before I had to call Sean.
I was tired by the time I dragged my ass back into my dorm room. I needed a shower. And I needed a nap. Maybe that would clear my head before tonight. I sure needed it.
Okay.....that's it for this chapter. Took a bit of a twist. But I think it'll make sense if you stick with me. Be patient. I'm new at this. Send me any suggestions or comments you got. And go Orioles. By the way, for you baseball fans, I saw Hideo Nomo's no hitter the other night. Not a bad night at all. And there's something about boys at a baseball game...