Disclaimer: This story is a work of fiction, loosely based on the members of *NSYNC. This story is not meant to imply the sexuality of the members of *NSYNC or that they would say or do any of the things mentioned. This story will contain explicit homosexual content. If it is illegal for you to read fiction of this type please stop reading now. This story is copyright 2000 T. Marie. Comments, suggestions, feedback... may be sent c/o ficklepickle76@hotmail.com
Searching For the Light (c) 2000 T. Marie
Justin hurried to get ready, pushing the new realization to the back of his mind. He rushed through his shower and slipped into some clean clothing. He reached Lance's room seconds before JC and then the group headed out to the limo. Lance shot a questioning look at Justin and motioned to JC. Justin made a sleeping gesture with his hands and Lance nodded in understanding. JC was his usual cheerful self for the remainder of the day. Predictably he poured 100 percent of himself into the performance that evening. Although Justin had tried not to think of JC he couldn't help watching him when he danced. Justin had never paid much attention to how naturally sexual JC was. Every movement of his body on stage seemed to mimic lovemaking. Justin had to swallow back the moan that unconsciously came to his lips as he watched JC move to the music. Justin shook his head to clear his thoughts and went back to concentrating on the dance moves.
The group arrived in Orlando about 2:00 the next afternoon. The bus dropped them all off at Lance's house. They had driven there before the concert series began and parked them in Lance's spacious garage. A service had been hired to keep the house clean and drive the cars on occasion. The five men said their good byes and loaded into their respective cars. Justin honked to get JC's attention before JC pulled away.
Justin pulled up so that his window was adjacent to JC's. "Hey C, your appointment with that doctor is tomorrow right?"
"Yeah, tomorrow afternoon."
"Well you want to get together and go out to dinner or something?"
"I really don't know if I'll feel up to it." JC responded. When he saw the crestfallen look on Justin's face he added, "But if you want to come over to my place we could order a pizza or something."
Justin grinned and said, "Sounds like a plan. I'll call you."
"Okay, see you tomorrow." JC said and took off to his newly purchased home It had taken him longer than the other guys to find a place that suited him. He finally decided on an older house that needed refurbishing. It was on the outskirts of Orlando in a suburb called Chuluota.
JC approached the door to the office apprehensively. He'd never been to a psychiatrist before and was unsure about what to expect. The receptionist was on the phone when he entered but she motioned for him to sign in. JC wrote the time and the doctor's name and paused momentarily before writing 'Josh Scott' in the patients name section. All of the paperwork had been filled out and sent via fax ahead of time. JC took a seat to wait for the doctor. After about ten minutes the doctor came out and led JC into his office. He asked a lot of questions and gave JC a few simple tests to take.
He never really felt comfortable with the doctor, more like he was on an assembly line. The doctor seemed to want quick answers and the entire visit seemed routine. He gave JC a prescription for antidepressants and some suggestions for a therapist.
JC left the office feeling a bit better, his depression wasn't "cured" but he was confidant that he was taking positive steps and that made everything seem more manageable. Telling Justin had helped as well, now JC didn't feel like he was facing this huge obstacle alone. In the interim between his first doctors appointment and the psychiatrist appointment JC had looked up information on depression on the Internet. Since his diagnosis he had a brand new view of the illness. On one hand, he was glad that the problems he'd been experiencing could be resolved with medication and therapy. There was a bigger part of him that resented the depression and the fact that he was going to have to take medication to control his emotions.
JC arrived at his home and called a few of the psychologists and therapists that the psychiatrist had given him. After a few brief questions he decided on one and made an appointment for the following day. He had gotten lucky and the therapist had a last minute cancellation. The therapist's name was Dana White and of the list of names that JC had been given she was the only one who was willing to answer the questions he asked over the phone. She immediately put him at ease and made him feel as if she really cared about what he was saying. She also seemed pleased that he asked about her therapy techniques and educational background. Her soothing voice and articulate speech contained a hint of California giving him the impression of a well-educated Valley Girl. JC hung up the phone looking forward to seeing her the following day.
The curly haired blond was lying on the couch of his spacious four-bedroom home. The television was on but he wasn't paying attention to it, instead he was thinking of JC. He'd known he was gay for quite a while. Several years ago he had tried dating a number of girls, but he was never attracted to any of them. Kissing as well as his one sexual experience had been awkward and uncomfortable and left him even more confused. It was then that he started paying attention to the fact that it was men, not women that he was attracted to. A girl in a short skirt did nothing for him, but a man in a tight shirt got his attention pretty quickly. Justin would see appealing men all the time, but because of his precarious position as a member of *NSYNC he never pursued a relationship. Up to this point Justin hadn't felt the need to discuss his sexuality with anyone. He had accepted the fact that he was gay and since he wasn't planning on dating anytime soon he just kept it to himself. The feelings he was having towards JC were unlike anything he'd experienced in the past. When he'd taken the time to think about it he realized that not only was he physically attracted to JC but he also respected him, loved his sense of humor, enjoyed spending time with him and felt better overall when he was in his presence.
Justin arrived at JC's house about 6:00 p.m. He had stopped by the video store to pick up a few movies. The two men talked about JC's doctor appointment over pizza and then settled in on JC's overstuffed couch to watch the movies. JC feel asleep about halfway into the second movie and Justin gently woke him up and led him to the master bedroom. As he removed the baggy clothing JC had put on to watch the movie he unsuccessfully tried to keep his hormones in check. Justin became aroused as he deftly slipped off his friend's sweatpants and T-shirt. When the outer garments were removed Justin stepped back from the bed and admired JC's sculpted body taking note of the way his boxers clung in just the right places. After JC was settled Justin went back to the living room, grabbed a blanket and feel asleep on the couch. His last conscious thoughts were of how the pillow he was using smelled like JC.