If you are under age, or live in an area where reading stories that include sex between males is illegal, or if you're not into this type of story, please leave. This is a story of love between two men. As such there is some sex but it is really more about their relationship. If you're into romance, I hope this story pleases you.
I'd like to thank my friends in the Nifty Six for their support and encouragement, especially Tim for his advice and his editing assistance. The author retains all rights. No reproductions are allowed without the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at NJMcMick@yahoo.com.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Joey
Wednesday morning it was my turn to go to Paul's office. I gave James a ride to school and then Connor and I went to Millburn for my early appointment. My parents were going to see Paul later in the morning and there was no way I wanted to run into Mom. I was starting to get used to Paul by then. It was the third time in five days I'd been with him, after all. Chad was just a distant memory by now. Paul was a completely different, much more personable guy without him.
I gave my sworn deposition. It was getting easier and easier to tell my story each time I had to go through it. Paul did a good job with his questions, getting me to answer them in just the right words to make me sound like the world's best dad without sounding like I was blowing my own horn. When we were done I brought up a subject that had been on my mind but we hadn't yet talked about.
"I've been meaning to ask you, Paul, what is your fee going to be for this case? I know for some things lawyers charge by the type of case and some they charge an hourly rate. From what I've seen and what Ben's said, you're really good at what you do so I would imagine you're not cheap. If you win this case for me I don't really care how much it costs, but I'd like some idea so I can make arrangements. I'll probably have to make payments over time."
Paul was quiet for a moment and looked a little embarrassed.
"Have you ever heard the term pro bono, Joey?"
"I can't say that I have. It sounds Latin."
"It is. Literally, it means for good. When lawyers use it they mean no charge." I started to object but Paul held up his hand. "I've acted like a real shit toward both you and Ben the past several months. I treated Ben abominably and then was rude to you every chance I got. Let me do this for you to try to assuage some of the guilt I feel over that. I know I can't take back my bad behavior, but this is the least I can do."
"But your time is so valuable and you're putting in a lot of it on my case. You've got to charge me something."
"I make a very good living, Joey You've seen where I live. Look around this office. I can afford to give a little time for something like this. Not charging you isn't going to hurt me financially and will make me feel better."
I didn't like the idea of being a charity case but I didn't want to argue with him. "I'll talk it over with Ben and see what he says. I still think I should pay something."
"One other thing, Joey. I was wondering if there was someone outside your family I could interview for a personal reference, someone who knows you well and could vouch for you."
I thought for a minute. "Well, there's Father Vittorio. He knows me better than anyone I'm not related to, but I'm not sure he'd do something like this."
"A priest would be fantastic! Please ask him and have him call me if he has any questions."
When I got home I called the church and talked to Father Vittorio. I began to explain to him about the custody case but Mom had already been in to see him so he was aware of what was going on. He sounded like he wanted to help but was hesitant.
"I'd certainly like to give you a good recommendation, Joey. As I've said before, you're a good man and a wonderful father."
"Then what's the problem? I hear some reluctance in your voice."
"It's just that I'm not sure I want to be put in the position of having to comment on your relationship with Ben, of opposing Church doctrine while under oath. That is something I'd like to avoid, if at all possible."
I thought for a minute. "Well, Paul said he wanted a personal reference, not an opinion on my relationship. Maybe we could have him just stick to questions about me and not bring up Ben. You barely know Ben anyway and the only thing you know about our relationship is what I've told you."
"That would be fine if your lawyer would go along with that. I'd love to help you out in any way I can."
We talked for a few more minutes and he tried to build my confidence about the case. I gave him Paul's office number and he promised to call right away and make an appointment.
As I was making lunch I realized that I was exhausted. My workweek didn't start until the next day but I was dragging already. I knew that it was emotional stress but that made me feel just as tired as physical labor would have. Every day it had been something new. After eating and feeding Connor, I took him to the bedroom so we could both take a nap. I think I needed it more than he did. I cuddled with my boy and we slept.
Over supper Ben commented on how tired I looked.
"It's not that I need sleep or anything. In fact I napped with Connor today. But everything is getting to me. The stress has been building for a while and I guess it's just reached the point where I can't take any more. I feel like I'm tired all the time."
"I'm sorry, Uncle Joey."
"It's not your fault, James."
"But my being here just adds to your stress. You were having enough problems with my dad before."
"Yeah, I was, but I love having you here. Your presence actually offsets some of the stress from your father. Just like the custody fight is stressful but holding Connor in my arms is comforting."
"Well, as far as the custody suit goes, we've done all we can now, Joey. The interviews and depositions are done. It's up to Paul and the judge now. Everyone agrees it's no contest so try not to let it get to you. Like Paul said, it's more of a nuisance than a threat."
"I know. I guess it's just that on top of everything that's been going on with my family this has pushed me to the edge."
"Maybe we should start planning our party so you can have something to look forward to."
"I am looking forward to that but I don't want to start planning it until the custody hearing is over. At least I'm going back on full-time at work next week so that will leave me with less time on my hands. Of course that means more time for Connor in day care and I'm not crazy about that, but he seems to be doing well there. And it means I'll be working at least a couple of days a week with Vinnie, but when we're busy that doesn't matter so much. The best part is being able to get back to my design work, which is what I like best."
"Just try to focus on fun things, babe, like the party and the bowling tournament. The other things will take care of themselves sooner of later."
Ben
After dinner I was going to spend a few minutes making sure I was caught up on my tax work and James was helping Joey clean up in the kitchen. I no more than sat down at my desk when the doorbell rang. I got up and ran into Joey in the living room.
"Were you expecting someone?"
He shook his head and had a kind of, 'What now?' look on his face. I felt bad that he seemed to be anticipating the worst at every turn. He hung back while I opened the door. We were both stunned to see his parents standing there. Mr. Napoli took off his hat and looked a little apologetic. Mrs. Napoli was looking a bit disheveled and out of sorts.
"May we come in? I'm sorry about just showing up unannounced like this, but we'd really like to talk to you boys."
"Uh, sure, Pop. Come in. Let me take your coats." While I hung up their coats Joey came forward and kissed both of his parents on the cheek, his mother a bit hesitantly.
"Is everything all right? Nobody's sick or anything, are they?"
"Everyone is fine, Joey, but things haven't been right for a while now. I'm hoping we can start to fix that tonight." Pop had a determined look on his face but Mrs. Napoli kept her eyes lowered. I'd never seen her so subdued.
"Pop-Pop, Grandma!" I turned and James was standing in the kitchen doorway holding Connor. He was as shocked to find his grandparents on our doorstep as Joey and I were. Mrs. Napoli looked up and finally smiled. She rushed over to them.
"My boys! You both look so good. How are you?"
"I'm good, Grandma. And Connor's always great. What are you doing here?"
Pop walked over to them and hugged James and kissed them both. "We came to have a talk that's long overdue with your Uncle Joey and Ben."
James looked a little uncertain. "Okay, I've got some homework to do so I'll just go to my room and let you guys talk."
"We'd like to talk to you some, too, so maybe we could do that later if you're not too busy."
"Sure, Pop-Pop. No problem." James went down the hall and I took charge of the conversation.
"Why don't we all sit in the living room? Can I get you something to drink?"
Pop looked at Mrs. Napoli. "Maybe a glass of red wine would be good, if you have any."
I went into the kitchen and poured four glasses. I figured if the Napolis thought they needed a little fortification then Joey and I would probably need some as well. When I brought the drinks to the living room, Joey was sitting in an armchair and his parents were on the couch. There was an awkward silence as I handed out the glasses and sat down.
Pop turned to his wife. "Go ahead, Rose."
Mrs. Napoli took a small sip of wine and a deep breath. "I realize now that this whole custody suit is all my fault. I never meant for this to happen and didn't realize that anyone would take what I was saying the wrong way. You know I'd never do anything to hurt you, Joey, especially when it comes to Connor."
Joey just stared at his mother. He wasn't angry with her any more but he wasn't ready to forgive her either.
She took another sip of her wine and continued.
"While I knew that you had a point about Janice overhearing me at the salon, I was upset with you for talking to me that way on Sunday. I thought you were being unreasonable and irrational. I thought that maybe you were having problems again like after Jenny died. Your father kept telling me that while you did lose your temper, which isn't like you at all, it was because of what I had done. And then, this morning we went to your lawyer's office to make statements, or whatever you call it. After I told him again about talking to Dave and Alice, he started asking me all kinds of personal questions that got me mad. The way he put things implied that I thought you were a bad father and that you didn't care about Connor. He actually had the nerve to ask me if I loved you. I was about to tell him off when I remembered everything was being recorded for the court, so I had to stop and calm myself down. Then I realized that all he was doing was repeating what I've been saying the past couple of months in somewhat plainer language. I saw how bad the things I'd been saying were. I tried to convince your lawyer that I didn't mean them but I'm not sure I succeeded."
"Paul isn't the one you need to convince, Ma. It's the judge's opinion that matters."
"I know, Joey. Anyway, after we left the lawyer's office I was so upset with myself that I cancelled my appointment at the salon and went to see Father Vittorio. I'd talked to him before but I never really listened to him when he tried to give me advice. I knew what the church said about the way you were living so I assumed that he'd agree with me. Except he didn't. He says you've talked to him and he's convinced that you really are in love, so he won't condemn you. He says that you're a good man and that I should believe in you and try to understand. I know what a good man you are, Joey, but I don't understand. How can two men be in love? It just doesn't make sense to me. None of this makes any sense."
"I know it's different from what you've been used to all your life, but it isn't any harder to understand than any other two people falling in love, Ma. That's all it is -- two people falling in love."
"I'm coming from the same place you are, Rose, and this isn't easy for me either, but as I keep telling you, I love our son and I want him to be happy. This makes him happy. And the more I get to know Ben, the more I am impressed with him. He's a good man and I'm pleased to welcome him into our family."
I noticed Mrs. Napoli momentarily stiffen up at that but she took a deep breath and tried to relax. She was obviously trying but it wasn't easy for her.
"You both know how much I love Joey as well, but this is hard. All my life everyone said this was wrong and now all of a sudden it's not. But I guess if everyone else can change then so can I. It just might take me a while." She turned to look at me. "I've blamed you for all of this, Ben. My Joey was a nice normal boy before he met you so I thought you must have corrupted him."
"Ma, I keep telling you that I've always been gay but until I fell in love with Ben I never did anything about it. Falling in love is not corrupting."
"I know that's what you've said, Joey. And everyone keeps telling me what a nice man Ben is. My brother, Anthony, Sal, my husband. So I must be wrong about that, too. It seems like I'm wrong about everything anymore. I just don't know." She shook her head. "Maybe we could start over again if you're willing to try, Ben."
"I would love to, Mrs. Napoli. I'm sure we can do better on the second try. After all, we both love Joey so we've already got something in common."
Joey's smile was ear to ear. "I just know you're going to love him, Ma. You'll love having Ben in our family."
Mrs. Napoli gave a small smile and shook her head a little and gave a slightly hopeless shrug of her shoulders. "He doesn't even look Italian."
Joey
I couldn't believe my ears when Mom admitted she was wrong and that she wanted to start over again as far as Ben was concerned. Of course, it had taken Pop, Paul and Father Vittorio triple-teaming her and the specter of losing Connor to make her budge, but she was finally moving in the right direction. Obviously still a bit reluctantly, but she was moving.
We made polite, only mildly tense, small talk for a few minutes and then when Ben went into the kitchen for the wine to refill our glasses I went to get James from his room. I gave him a ten second whispered recap of the conversation on our way back down the hall. When we rejoined the family the conversation revolved around him for a while. Mom and Pop were concerned about how he was feeling, how his therapy was going, how he was doing in school. He assured them that everything was going well and that he was very happy with his new living arrangements.
"I wasn't sure this was going to work out at first. I didn't know Ben and didn't really want to know him, to be honest. It took a little getting used to but we're doing great now. Of course, I miss my family, but I stop by the house a couple of times a week after school and see Mom and the other kids."
"Have you talked to your father at all?"
"No, Grandma. Ben and I ran into him one day but other than that I haven't seen him or talked to him."
"I can handle Vinnie acting like that toward me, I'm only his brother, but I don't understand him not wanting to work things out with his son. He's being childish and stubborn about this."
Pop glanced sideways at Mom. "I wonder where he gets that from?"
"Well, you'll have to admit it was quite a shock to him, first his brother and then his son. Maybe I could talk to him and make a difference. If he sees that I'm trying to understand, maybe he will, too."
"It couldn't hurt, Ma, but he's a lot more riled up about this than you were."
James was squirming a little as the conversation focused on his problems with his father. He suddenly straightened up and smiled.
"So did you tell them about Monday, Uncle Joey?"
There was a long silence as everyone turned toward me.
"Actually, I completely forgot. Before they got here I was thinking about telling Pop at work tomorrow and then he could tell Mom."
"You're chicken! I can't believe you're afraid of Grandma."
"I'm not afraid, James. It's just that until an hour ago we weren't speaking." Actually, I was afraid and they all knew it, but I wasn't going to admit it, especially in front of Mom.
"So what is this news about Monday, Joey? We're speaking now, you can tell us."
I took a deep breath. "Well, Ma, Monday afternoon Ben and I went to the borough hall and registered as domestic partners."
"Domestic partners? What's that?" Mom looked at Pop but he shrugged and shook his head and seemed just as lost.
"It's a status the state came up with last year giving a few of the rights of married couples to gay couples." I tried for a simple explanation that didn't get tangled up in legal details.
"But from what I hear on the news gay marriage isn't legal."
"It's not marriage, Ma, just a step in that direction. It's mostly about tax benefits and certain medical rights."
"And this is official, like the whole town knows about it?" Mom hadn't made a complete turn-around yet.
"Yes, it's official, but no, the whole town doesn't know. I wouldn't care if they did, though. I'm not going to hide who I am or pretend my relationship with Ben is less than it is. That's part of what you're going to have to get used to."
"I suppose I will. Thanks to my big mouth all of Madison knows anyway, so who am I to talk?"
"Then I suppose congratulations are in order. Welcome to the family, Ben, officially." Pop raised his glass in a toast.
Everything got a bit more relaxed after that. Mom fussed with Connor and asked James a hundred questions about school. Pop had a few bookkeeping questions for Ben. I refilled my wine glass and sat back and tried to take in what had just happened. Earlier when I'd been feeling at the end of my rope I could not have imagined that the day would end with Mom and Pop here on the couch. Mom wasn't exactly comfortable and still seemed to be avoiding speaking to Ben directly, but it was a start. I noticed when she talked to James she didn't mention his father or say anything about his being gay, but she was at least talking. Of course, she probably hadn't had as strong an opinion against James in the first place since she didn't believe he was old enough to know what he wanted.
After a while Pop started making noises about going home. He wasn't much for late nights and I knew the whole evening had probably been pretty stressful for him, the beginning at least. Mom and Pop got up and Ben retrieved their coats from the closet. Mom turned to me as she was putting on her coat.
"I know this is late notice, but, as usual, your father and I are having the whole family for Easter dinner on Sunday afternoon. We were wondering if you'd like to join us. All of you, I mean."
It was nice that invitation was coming from Mom this time, but I knew it wouldn't be a good idea even if we hadn't made other plans. The trouble at their anniversary party hadn't been due to Mom's attitude, after all. Also, that was the scene that pushed James over the edge and I didn't think he'd want to be reminded of that.
"Thanks for the invitation, Ma, but we've already made plans to go to Ben's mother's house for dinner." Her eyes flared a bit at the mention of Ben's mother but she didn't say anything. "Besides, it probably isn't a good idea for us to show up at these family things until Vinnie and I are on better terms, not that I'm expecting that anytime soon."
"What about you, James? I'm sure everyone would love to see you."
"My father's gonna be there?" Mom nodded. "Then I think I'll stick with Uncle Joey and go to Ben's mom's."
"With the whole family there, I'm sure your father will behave himself and leave you alone."
"I'm not so sure about that. And it's one thing for everyone to know what's going on between us, but I don't think I could handle it if he rejected me in front of everyone. I'm just not ready for that."
Pop crossed the room and hugged James. "We understand, son. I'll talk to your father again although I'm not sure it will do any good. He's been totally unreasonable about this whole thing. But you know you're always welcome at our house. Your grandmother and I would love to have you stop by the house to see us now and then when you get a chance. We miss you."
The rest of the evening I felt like I was floating on air. Finally, something was going right. It had been over two months since I'd moved out of my parents' house and I'd had a few run-ins with Mom and I knew it bothered me, but I didn't realize how much until today. Now that things were getting better, it was clear to me how much Mom's rejection of me had hurt. But it was over now. Things were looking up.
Ben
Friday afternoon it was drizzling when I left the office, one of those cold rains that chills you to the bone. I picked up Connor at the day care center and continued home. As I was waiting to turn left from Ridgedale Avenue into my street I saw a slim figure with an umbrella walking toward me. As she turned the corner I recognized her as Cookie, James's friend. I made the turn, pulled up next to her and hit the button to lower the window on the other side of the car.
"Hey Cookie, hop in."
She looked startled and jumped away, but then bent down to look into the car. She smiled when she recognized me and moved toward the car. She opened the door and hopped in.
"Thanks, Mr. Donnelly, I was on my way to your house."
"I figured as much. Where's James?"
"I had drama club after school and James had a therapy appointment, so we're meeting at the house."
I pulled into the driveway and parked in the garage. I unbuckled Connor from his car seat and we went into the house. James wasn't home yet.
"Damn, it's cold out there. It may be spring but weather like this can feel worse than winter. How about some hot chocolate?"
"That sounds great, Mr. Donnelly."
"Please call me Ben. I know I'm twice your age but I'm not that old. James calls me Ben and so should you."
Cookie sat at the counter while I fixed the hot chocolate. I poured some lukewarm cocoa into Connor's plastic cup and put him in his high chair, then filled a couple of mugs with the hot stuff and sat at the counter across from Cookie.
"So how is James doing in school? He doesn't talk about it much but I know he was worried when he went back."
"He's okay, I guess. The kids all know he's gay now but nobody has made any trouble over it. Now and then somebody says something a little negative, but it's not like he and I were part of the big social scene anyway, so for the most part no one cares about us. They know he's having problems with his family over it but I don't think anybody knows about the rest, you know, the hospital and stuff."
The hospital and stuff, a very casual way to refer to an attempted suicide.
"So obviously you're okay with James being gay."
"Yeah, I realized it last fall but I figured he'd tell me when he was ready. He was obviously having problems and knowing his father that didn't surprise me."
"You've known him a while, then."
"Yeah, since we were seven or eight. For a little while a couple of years ago I thought maybe he'd be my first boyfriend. I mean, he's so cute of course I find him attractive. But he's never thought of me in any way other than as a buddy and that's fine with me. There are lots of cute guys but only one James."
"How did you know he was gay?"
"He never gave any real indication of it before last fall, but there's this new kid in school this year, Jared Winters. His family moved to town last summer. Anyway, he's gorgeous. Blond hair, blue eyes, about six feet tall and slim but sturdy, if you know what I mean. The first time James saw him his eyes practically fell out of his head. James is always pretty quiet, but he can't even speak when Jared is around."
"If he's that obvious I'm surprised others haven't noticed."
"James and I aren't the kind of kids the others pay much attention to. Jared is an exception to that. He's on the swim team so he's popular but he goes out of his way to be friendly toward everyone. Maybe it's because he's new, but he seems like he's a nice guy, too."
"And he hasn't noticed James ogling him?"
"Oh, I don't think James is that obvious. It's just that I know him so well so I can tell he's got the hots for Jared. Jared seems oblivious to it."
"I think it's cute, but I know how painful teen crushes can be."
"Well, since he came out he can at least talk to me about it. He's really got it bad for Jared but he knows it's hopeless so it doesn't bother him so much. Don't tell him I told you, though. I think he'd be embarrassed."
"There's nothing to be embarrassed about, but I know what you mean. I won't say anything to him it. Thank you for being such a good friend to James."
"There's nothing to thank me for. He's a good friend to me, too."
"Joey and I have been trying to be as supportive of James as we can be and I think he's getting comfortable here with us, but it's also important that he have a friend his own age who accepts him completely. You knew him both before and after he came out and I think the way you've stood by him has probably meant a lot to him."
"How could I not stick with him? He's James."
Just then James came in the front door. He came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me in a hug. That surprised me. He had hugged me a few times lately, but I didn't think he'd be that affectionate in front of someone outside the household. I smiled, realizing that he was finally getting comfortable with himself and his feelings. He put his books in his room and I poured him a cup of chocolate. When he came back he took my place at the counter and I went to my office to do a little work. I stopped in the doorway for a few seconds and watched him talking to Cookie. She was right. There was only one James. He was cute, but that wasn't what made him special. He was a sweet kid. He'd had a rough time lately but I hoped that his life was finally on track. Nothing was resolved with his family, but if Mama Napoli could turn around, maybe there was hope for Vinnie.
To be continued.