Before I get into the story, let's get the legal stuff out of the way. I am above the age of 18 at the time of writing this story. I own all rights to this story. Any likeness in name or actions to any of the characters in this story with someone in real life are purely coincidental. If it is illegal for you to read/view something like this in your area, you should leave now. This story includes scenes of male/male sex with high school aged men. If this is considered offensive, you should, once again, leave. If nothing else, then read my excerpt, and enjoy.
This is my first stab at writing a story that is not just purely about sex. The story is made up, although it does draw some influences from real life scenarios. This is not a story that is all about 12 inch cocks, and buckets of cum. This is a love story of sorts. Albeit is about teenage boys, so there will be sex, but that is not what it is all about. I would appreciate emails explaining suggestions, and how you liked the story. Also, I am my own editor. I read the story more than once to check for mistakes. I do know, however, That I am not perfect. If you find a mistake, let me know. I will greatly appreciate it. Without further explanation, enjoy my story.
Secret Admirer-1 Background
"Hey, want one of my cookies?" "Uh huh. You can have one of my grapes." "OK. You're my best friend now." "OK."
That happened 11 years ago, and thinking about it still makes me smile. Talan was the first person to talk to me in Mrs. Thomas's kindergarten class, and he was telling the truth. I was his best friend, and I have been ever since. I guess that's what makes everything so hard. We're both Juniors now and still the best of friends, but I wanted more. I so desperately wanted to wrap my arms around him, not just as a friend, but as something more.
I developed these feelings in the 8th grade, and when I realized that nothing was going to come of them, I slipped into a spiraling depression. I didn't know what to do, who to talk to, nothing. All I knew was that I wanted it to end. I don't know why I decided on that day. It was going to be so cruel, but I just couldn't bare it anymore. I decided that since the end was near, I would write a note.
I'm sorry, I just can't do it anymore. Goodbye Mom and Dad.
Goodbye... T.
There was a knock on the door. I knew it was him. His knock was his own, special, so I would always know it was him.
"Natty, you're decent right?" He called from behind the door. I didn't answer. "Natty, will your hurry up. We are gonna be late for my party!" I heard the door open. "Nate, man, are you going to sleep. You can't nap now you ass..." He stopped mid-sentence.
I could barely see him pick up the note. My eyes were even heavier as he picked up the bottle. He shook me violently. My eyes closed.
"Nathanial, wake up! Please, Don't leave me!" Those were the last words I was going to hear. Laying in my bed, be shaken by the one person who I truly loved, I was leaving this earth. The date was October 6th. It was Talan's 17th birthday.
I could see light through my closed eyelids. I felt warm. I felt at ease. I wasn't sure how, but I knew I was in heaven. I felt something squeeze my hand, and that forced me to open my eyes. I saw Talan's face, I knew I was in heaven. He appeared to be smiling. However, the more I looked into his eyes, the more the reality set in.
Talan wasn't smiling. He wasn't even awake. He was laying his head down next to mine. His hand was locked around mine. I wasn't sure what was going on. I tried to speak, but I couldn't. I tried to sit-up, but, once again, I couldn't. The only thing I could do was try and squeeze Talan's hand.
Nothing happened. I tried again. Once again, nothing happened. I figured I would try one last time. I got a little movement this time. I tried once more, more movement. The last time I tried, I didn't stop. I was finally able to squeeze Talan's hand.
He stirred in his sleep. He obviously felt the squeeze. He moved his head, and when he opened his eyes, his sleepy-eyed gaze was locked on our hands. He saw that my hand was wrapped tightly around his. He studied it for a minute or two, until I was beginning to feel completely drained. My grip released, I no longer had control over my hand. However, the action did not go unnoticed.
He continued to look at our hands, and then his eyes shifted. He went from looking at our hands to looking at my face. He looked surprised, almost like someone just punched him in the gut. His eyes started watering. He looked liked he stopped breathing. I was completely confused.
"Nathanial, are you awake? Are you really awake?" He asked in an almost pleading tone. `Why is he calling me Nathanial? This heaven is not anything like I imagined it would be.' I thought to myself. I decided I would try to squeeze his hand again in an answer. My lack of strength ended up making the squeeze a simple pulse, but that was enough for him.
"Natty!" He hugged me hard. This was more like I expected heaven to be. "You're awake! You're awake!"
He kissed my forehead. Case closed, I was in heaven. "I'm so glad you're awake! You scared the shit out of me!" He hugged me again. I could get used to this.
"Talan, honey, what's with all..." there was a voice I didn't expect to hear. I mean sure, I loved my mother, but I didn't expect her to be a staple in my heaven. However, before I had time to process what was going on, I felt myself being pulled into another hug. "My baby! My precious baby boy!" It was then that I was snapped into reality.
Looking at mother, I happened to look behind her as well. I noticed I was in a small room. It was not a room I recognized. Then I realized why I couldn't talk. There was a tube in my throat. I heard a faint beeping sound. I wasn't in heaven, I wasn't even dead. I was in the hospital. I didn't understand. I should be dead. I took the entire bottle of muscle relaxers, all 90 pills. The bottle even said, "Fatal if consumed quantities exceed prescribed amount." I should be dead right now! What the hell is going on?
I was distracted from my thoughts when I heard something hit the floor. I moved my head as best I could to see my father collapsed on the floor, crying. I was so confused. I needed answers. I looked at my mother, she had tears in her eyes. She was getting ready to embrace me again. I looked at Talan. He had a steady flow of tears falling down his face. It was all too much. I felt myself falling asleep again.
When I woke up the next morning, I knew something was different than my previous, very confusing, awakening. Talan was still there, as were my mother and father, but I felt different. I felt stronger. I looked at my father, who had once again started crying. "Daddy..." It was so faint, I wasn't sure if I had actually said it or thought it.
My father stood and rushed to my side. He began running his fingers through my hair. "Nathanial. I'm here baby. I'm here." He leaned over and kissed my forehead. I felt the warmth of his tears as he embraced me and our faces touched. I didn't know if I would have the strength, but I was going to try. I lifted my arms as best I could, and wrapped them around my fathers back. His crying intensified as he held me in my bed.
When he finally released me, I realized that Talan, too, was crying. I was still really confused. "T, what?" Still fainter than a whisper. He seemed to hear me, though.
He quickly took my fathers spot and held me in the a very similar embrace. "I thought I lost you Natty! I thought I lost my best friend on this whole damn planet! Don't you ever do that to me again."
My father placed his hand on Talan's back. "Talan, maybe you should get some rest, son. I will keep Nathanial company. You haven't slept since he woke up yesterday. You need some sleep."
"Okay Mr. Q. Just wake me up if he asks for me, k?"
"Will do kid." My father took Talan's place sitting next to me as he got up to get some rest. He looked into my eyes. He was still crying, but they weren't sad tears. He had a smile on his face. "I thought I lost my baby. I am so glad that I have my little boy here. Awake, and trying to talk to boot. This is better than when you were born."
He stopped for a minute and looked back at mother. She was asleep in the chair directly across from my bed. "You gave us one hell of a scare kiddo. When I saw you like that I picked you up and ran with you here. I guess it's a good thing we live so close to the hospital." He smiled when he said that. "Now that is just one of the many reasons why I love that woman more and more everyday. Her falling in love with that house helped me save my baby."
I was still confused as hell, but I was getting my senses back. From what I could gather, it has been almost a week and a half since I tried to kill myself. Damn. I have been out that long? And what is with my dad? This is way to much affection for him to show me. It's not like him at all. Just as he is giving me another strong hug, the door to my room opened.
The doctor came in. "Ah, Nathanial. You're awake again. How are you feeling?"
"Bad. Can't move much." My voice was a little bit louder, but still not quite a whisper.
"Well, that much is to be expected when you swallow a bottle of muscle relaxers. The feeling should start to return slowly, and you should be able to do some walking around by tomorrow.
"Mr. Quincy, we have Dr. Rowland here. He is the psychiatrist that specializes in attempted suicides. I know that Nathanial isn't going to be doing any talking with him today, but he wants to go ahead and get his background stuff done with you and Mrs. Quincy."
"Alright, Dr. Petters, go ahead and send him in. Well be happy to get this done." The way he said it, he didn't sound like he would be happy. He sounded more like he would be relieved.
Dr. Rowland asked my parents countless questions. It lasted for more than two hours. I honestly had no idea how much my parents actually knew about me. They told him how my behavior shifted starting in the 8th grade, they told him how I was only genuinely happy when I was around Talan, and they told him that I was only the shell of the child they used to have.
I wasn't upset at all by what they were saying because it was true. I was just genuinely shocked at how much my parents paid attention to me. I know my parents love me. We haven't always have been one of those "over-express your feelings" type of families, so I really had no idea exactly how much they cared. It made me think that maybe they would be able to accept my secret. However, it wasn't them that pushed me to attempt suicide. It was the person that my secret is centered around.
I knew I would never be able to tell Talan about my true feelings. That's why I wanted to die. I wanted to escape the reality of living in a world where I couldn't be with the person I loved. I was tearing my brain apart thinking about what I was going to do. I didn't even notice that Talan had woken up. He sat next to me and placed his hand on my leg.
"Man, you really scared me." He was looking in my eyes. He looked genuinely upset.
"I know. I'm sorry." Barely a whisper, but it was improving.
"Why did you do it Nat? What is so bad about life that you don't want to live anymore?"
"I have just been really confused. I wanted it to end."
"Well, you listen and you listen to me good. I do not know what I would have done had I arrived at your room too late. You are one of the most important people in my life, if not the most. You know almost everything about me, and I don't keep anything from you. I love you, Nathanial. You are my truest friend. I just want you to know, if you ever get confused again, come to me. You can talk to me about anything. Absolutely anything. I do not ever want to have to be here again. Do we have an understanding?"
I had started crying at that point. His words meant so much to me. I wanted to tell him everything, but I knew even though he meant what he just said, he would never be able to accept my secret. "Yes, we have an understanding. I am sorry Talan. I really am. I love you too."
The doctor was right, the next day I was walking around a bit, nothing too strenuous. Just trying to get my strength back. A few days later I was back to my old self, physically, and I was getting ready to be released from the hospital. I just had to have my session with Dr. Rowland.
I ended up telling him everything. Honestly, just being able to say it out loud took some of the pain away from it. It still hurt that I could never be with Talan, but not enough to want to end my life. At least, not anymore. After our session, Dr. Rowland gave me his number and told me he wanted to see me once a month. Of course, when he informed my parents, they totally agreed.
That was two weeks ago. I have since returned to school and gotten back into my sports. Everyone at school was super supportive of me. They didn't really have the details, but they were all there to help. In fact, I was kinda getting annoyed by the overwhelming amount of "help" offered to me by my class and teammates.
Even though this next part is going to sound super creepy, I have to include it. It is a very crucial part to my existence today.
I had just got home from cheerleading practice (say what you will, but my parents forced me to do it for the scholarship opportunities), and I was feeling a little horny. I mean this is the first time since my attempted suicide that I had had any sexual feelings at all. I went up to my room, and I was just getting ready to do my homework. My parents were going to be home soon, so there was no point in trying to jerk off, because they would not let me have a lock on my door anymore, understandably. If we're being honest, my parents took away many luxuries of my life. They are afraid that I will try committing suicide again, so they have placed very strict rules on me. I am not allowed any more than 10 minutes in the bathroom for a shower. I am to answer their phone calls by the second ring. I have to leave my door open at all times, unless I am asleep. My parents get to do weekly room inspections, and daily body inspections. Essentially, while I thought it was a good thing at the time, attempting suicide was stupid. I will have to live with the consequences of that mistake until I move out, and even after that. My parents are pretty much going to be on me for the rest of my life.
When I got to my room, however, I got a nice little surprise. There was a note left on my bed.
Nate, I am taking mom on a date night tonight. We need a little fun. We will back tomorrow around 5 in the afternoon. However, we will be calling you frequently. We will gladly come home if you need us. Love You, Daddy
This meant I had the house to myself. Screw not having a lock on my door. I was going to jerk off. I started to head towards my computer, then I got an idea. `Why look at guys I don't know when I can look at the guy I love' I thought to myself. I went to my closet and pulled out three things. By the time I set them on my bed, I was already hard as a rock.
I dropped my shorts, and then my jock. I took my shirt off. I was ready to go. I grabbed the lube I had just put on my bed, and squeezed some onto my hand. I slowly started to rub the liquid onto my aching cock. It has been almost a month since I experienced any kind of sexual relief. I really needed this.
As I stood there, slow stroking my shaft, I picked up Talan's shirt off of my bed. I held it to my nose and sniffed it. It smelt just like him. A mixture of his sweat and cologne, masculine and sweet all at the same time. My favorite kind of drug. While keeping the shirt pressed to my nose, I began to look at the picture I had put on my bed. The badly stained picture still showed what I have came to so many times before. Talan and me at my 16th birthday party. It was in August so I decided to have my party at the lake. My mom told us she wanted to get a picture so we posed.
Talan being the goof ball he is, right as she snapped the picture, he kissed my cheek. Of course, at that time, I punched him and we both laughed. I'm sure he didn't realize his action was going to fuel my many sexual fantasies. Looking at the picture, I couldn't help but be reminded why I was so attracted to him. He was an Adonis. About 6' 1", he didn't have an ounce of fat on him. His well sculpted pecks were a great opening for his washboard abs. He was absolutely chiseled. He had that perfect "v" shape that lead my eyes to his board shorts. You could see a hint of a tan line. His skin is perfectly tanned. Although his eyes are closed in the picture, they are the most pure crystal blue I have ever seen. Framed by his black eyebrows, which matched his shaggy black hair. He had some facial hair, but not too much. What he did have, he kept neat and clean, in the chin-strap fashion. That only helped to draw my eyes to his lips. Those luscious lips looked so kissable. Those lips framed my favorite part of him. His smile. He had the most perfect smile. Perfectly straight ivory white teeth. Of course I felt special when I saw that smile because I was the only person he smiled like that at. Everyone else got his closed-lipped smile. Not me, I got his toothy-grin.
Just thinking about that, I started stroking my cock a little faster. I was fully hard and my 7 and half inches needed some major relief. That is when my thoughts took a dirtier turn. I was done admiring what everyone admired. I was moving into the parts I really loved to think about in times like this. I started thinking about the locker room. The time I walked in on him when he thought he was the only one left after practice. I remembered that day like it was yesterday.
I had to go to the nurse because I thought I may have sprained my ankle. When she told me I probably just landed on it the wrong way, I decided she was probably right. I returned to the gym to catch a shower before heading home. When I walked through the door, I heard a shower running. I remember thinking `Who would still be here'. I investigated. What I found surprised me.
Talan was standing under the running water. I was about to say something to him, but I got distracted by his ass. It was absolutely perfect. Two firm mounds of pure muscle, and for some reason they were flexing. I was slightly confused. That's when he turned around.
He was jacking off! He turned around, and I saw him snaking his hand up and down his shaft. It was the most beautiful erect cock I have ever seen. It looked like it was roughly the same length as mine, but his was fat. Much fatter than mine. I was so captivated by watching him, I guess I sorta lost track of how long I was staring. The next thing I know, I hear him moaning, and he is shooting cum all over the shower floor.
Just reliving that part of the memory never failed me. I was moving my hand quickly over my erection. I was nearing orgasm fast. Just as I was about to cum, Talan walked in.
"Hey, do you wanna..." He stopped talking when he noticed what I was doing.
I couldn't control myself, I started cumming. I came hard too. A month's worth of ball build up releasing. It was intense. I almost fell backwards. Then I heard laughing, followed by clapping.
"What a fucking load. Didn't know you had something like that in you Natty! Great show," he teased.
I was mortified, but I tried to play it off. "Yeah, its been building for a while. I needed some release."
It was then that I realized I was still holding his shirt. I quickly, but nonchalantly, tossed it to the floor. Then he looked at my bed.
"Dude, good luck explaining that stain to your mom." He bellowed laughter, and I couldn't help but laugh along. He walked closer. I didn't know why. I was about to find out.
"Natty, whose picture did you cream man?"
"Huh?" I was genuinely confused.
"The picture laying on your bed. You were looking at it when you came. You creamed it! I bet its Tabatha, isn't it?" However, he didn't wait for a response. I couldn't believe what he did next. He reached over and picked up the picture. It was soaked with my cum, but he obviously didn't care.
I was on the verge of tears. He looked at the picture, then at me, and then back at the picture. He had this troubled look on his face. He dropped the picture back on my bed, " I have to go." That was all he said. He darted out of my room.
I felt a very familiar feeling sweep over me. I knew what this feeling was. No matter, I wasn't going to try and do that to myself again.
I tried to call after him, but I wasn't able to speak. I didn't know what I was going to say if I did call his name, so I guess it was for the best. I had to think of something to tell him.
I heard his car door open and shut. I rushed to the window. He was in his car hurriedly backing out of my driveway. He was definitely too far away for me to be able to read his expression. However, I didn't need to read it. I knew he thought the absolute worst. But still, I couldn't help but think to myself if my eyes deceived me. Did I really just see Talan smiling as he was pulling away?
No, it had to be some sort of grimace that my heart tricked my eyes into believing was a smile. I don't even really have time to be thinking about stuff like this. I have to come up with something to say him. It was going to have to be super convincing, and, unbeknownst to me, it was going to have to really soon.
I barely had time to clean myself and my bed up and put on some clothes when my phone went off.
"I don't have time to deal with you right now dad. I have much bigger fish to fry," I said aloud to myself while reaching for my phone. I did think it was weird that my dad would be sending me a text instead of calling, but it was around the time for him to be checking in.
I picked up my phone to see what my dad wanted. I pushed the unlock button up top to light up the screen.
Talan Ivory New text Message
Damn! I wasn't expecting this so soon. I really wasn't expecting to even talk to him until tomorrow. I very slowly slid my finger across the screen to unlock my phone, I put in my pass code, 1006 (I'll let you figure that one out), and clicked my text message application. I tried to avoid reading what the message said. I tried concentrating on the conversation we were having through text in our 3rd block class. However, my eyes were drawn to what he wrote.
Talan: Dude, what was all that about?
Me: All what dude? I was just getting a little release is all. I haven't drained my balls in a while man.
Talan: You know damn well what I'm talking about here Natty! Don't you dare play dumb on me!
Me: I really don't know...
Talan: Why did you cream that picture of us?
Me: I did not, as you put it, "cream" that picture of us. It was simply already on my bed. I can't help it where I shoot! It's not my fault it got drenched, but while we're asking questions, why did you pick something up that was covered in my cum Tally?
Talan: Don't flip this shit on me! I was just asking a question Nathanial. I mean I thought it was a little weird that you were cumming on our picture, but if you say it was just a case of wrong place, wrong time, then I believe you. As for your question, you had your first wet dream in my bed when we were 13! This isn't exactly the first time I have had your cum on me. At least this time it was on my hand and not my leg. Haha
Me: Haha, I forgot about that. Sorry I over-reacted. We cool Tally?
Talan: Never weren't Natty.
Me: Cool. So what were you here for anyway. Just checking up on me for my dad?
Talan: Naw man. I was going to see if you wanted to come over. Since your house is on my way home, I figured I would just pick you up.
Me: Offer still stand? I'm bored as hell... Now anyway. Ha
Talan: Haha, yeah man. Offer still stands.
Me: Cool. I'll be there in like 30. I have to get a shower.
Talan: Alright man. Just let yourself in when you get here. I'll probs be hiding all the picture of us. My dad will get pretty mad if you start creaming the house. There are a shit ton of pictures of us here...
Me: HA HA. Very fucking funny. I'll see you later, ass.
Talan: See ya then, cunt!
I jumped in the shower very relieved. My crisis had been averted. I just had to call and tell my dad I was going to Talan's house.
My dad was fine with me going to Talan's house. In fact, he sounded relieved. Ever since my attempt at suicide, my dad has been the most worried about me. I guess him knowing I would be at my best friend's house eased his mind about being away from home.
As I hung up the phone, I started getting ready. I pulled on some gym shorts and a tee. I went back to the bathroom and brushed my teeth, then looked at myself in the mirror. I looked pretty attractive, I thought. Man it had been a long time since I thought that, but looking at myself now, I couldn't believe I ever doubted what people told me. I know, I know. This sounds totally conceited, but I was just glad that my self-doubt was slowly slipping away.
I continued to look into the mirror. I shook my head a little to the side to get my cotton-blonde hair out of my eyes. I could finally see my eyes, and I realized that everyone was telling the truth, I had the most emerald green eyes that I had ever seen. I couldn't help but smile at that, which showed me my smile. It was nice enough, straight white teeth framed by soft, pinkish lips, accented by two very pronounced dimples. I then looked at the bit of a goatee I had going on. It was slightly darker than my hair, but matched the color of my eyebrows. It set nicely on my square jaw.
"You look good kid," I said to myself in the mirror,
I left the bathroom, and went back to my room. I grabbed my flip-flops and my wallet. I threw my hoodie on(even though I had on gym shorts, its almost November) and grabbed my keys. I was out the door, and in my car in a flash. I hooked up my iPhone to my radio, and went to my favorite play list. As the beginnings of the first song started playing, I backed out of my driveway and headed to Talan's house.
About halfway there, a song came on that I hadn't listened to in a while. While the name and artist aren't important, I can tell you the message screamed volumes at me. The song is about the artist telling the person he loves to tell him that they love him. I couldn't understand why I was so shaken by this particular song right now. Then it hit me. My subconscious wanted me to tell Talan I loved him!
There was no way I could do that. I mean I just couldn't. However, I knew that I was going to have to do something, or I would never have any peace of mind, at least not that particular night. I decided I would just drop a bomb. I would tell him I was gay. He was my best friend. He wasn't going to care.
"What am I thinking. Of course he is going to care. He isn't going to my best friend anymore. He is going to dump me, and send me straight back into my dark place." I couldn't help but speak my thoughts. I was so worried. However, I knew I had to tell him. I had kept it from him for so long. It was time he knew.
I didn't even realize it, but through all of my thinking and worrying, I had arrived at Talan's house. I parked where I usually did, right behind his garage spot, and proceeded to get out of my car. Half way up the stairs, Talan opened the front door.
"Natty my man. Glad you made it. Don't worry, all our pictures are hidden," he kidded me as he pulled me into a hug.
"Fuck off Tally!" I replied returning the hug.
He laughed, and then pulled away from me. He looked at me and then smiled. "Dude, you are always wearing my shit."
"Huh?" I had no idea what he was talking about.
"My gym shorts dude. Those are my basketball practice shorts man. I forgot I left them at your house. Of course you wouldn't return 'em. All you ever do is wear my shit."
"Aww, I'm sorry dude. I didn't even look as I pulled them on. They were just sitting in my draw...hey! That a way to call me out when you are just as guilty. I do recall those being my baseball shorts!" I looked at my shorts that he was wearing. I started moving my eyes up from the shorts and something else caught my eye. "Dude! That's my cheer sectionals shirt too! Don't you own any of your own shit?"
"Oh, don't get your panties in a wad. You know I was just kiddin'. Now come on in. It's pretty cold out here, and I got that new madden game. I'm ready to pound your ass, once again!"
I blushed slightly at his word choice. If he only knew the double meaning I took his phrasing in. He noticed the blush, and started ushering me into the house. "Dude, get in here. Your cheeks are starting to turn red. I don't want you getting sick man."
We went inside and directly up to his room. We were playing the game, and he was indeed "pounding my ass." We had been playing for about an hour when he started talking.
"So, what's with the worried look you've had on your face? Something you need to get off your chest man?"
"Well," I so wasn't ready for this. I had all but forgotten about my plans to tell him, but I wanted to prolong it as long as possible. "I guess I sorta have something to tell you."
He put his controller down and stared at me contently. "I'm all yours Natty. Lay it on me."
Again, I blushed. Him and his double entendres today. "Well, I have known for a long time...and I have always meant to tell...you. I guess...I just didn't know when the time was...right." I managed to stutter out.
"Dude, never be afraid to tell me anything! I will always have your back." He placed his hand on my back, and started to pat it a little.
"Well, Talan, what I've been meaning to tell you is tha-" I got cut off.
"Talan Ashleigh Ivory! Get down here at once!" Talan's father sounded pissed. I, on the other hand, was relieved.
"Natty, hold that thought. Let me go see what I did this time." He jumped off the bed we were sitting on and darted out of the door. I tried to listen, but all I could were bits and pieces. From the jist of what I was hearing, someone had fallen behind on the chores, which caused something to fall on Talan's dad's motorcycle, breaking a light or something.
"Sorry about that. I'm in pretty deep shit, but I told dad we were talking about something important, so he said we would deal with it tomorrow. You were saying?"
"Well, I was trying to tell you that I'm...I'm...g...gay." I looked down when I said the last part. I felt a wetness in my eyes. I was tearing up. I just told my best friend I was gay, and now I was going to cry. He would surely never want to be around me now. Who wants a pathetic pansy gay boy as a friend?
"I know. I'm just glad you finally told me." He stated matter-of-factly.
I was stunned. He knew? He never acted like he knew. But moreover, it didn't seem like he cared. I was really confused. "You know? How?"
"Well Natty, let's be honest for a minute. You have had countless girlfriends, but you never talk about them much. You certainly never look at girls the way most guys do. Not to mention, you spend an awful lot of time comparing in the showers after gym. I have known since we were in the eighth grade. The wet dream you had. You were talking in your sleep. Brad Pitt, eh?" He was laughing. He was taking this so much better than I had expected. I was relieved, and yet also terrified.
"Do you think anyone else knows?"
"No. Everyone always says you are so quiet about girls because you respect their pride or some shit. Apparently you are snagging more pussy than anyone at school! Pretty impressive for a gay boy."
"Really? People are really saying shit like that? That kinda strokes my ego a bit, but its also pretty gross. Thinking about doing a girl...makes me sick."
"I can tell. You're practically turning green." He laughed and grabbed his trashcan. "Hurl in this, and not on floor, k?"
"Fuck off Talan!" I laughed nervously. He was still sort of smiling, then his face took a very serious look. Oh no, he was going to tell me we couldn't be friends any more. I couldn't do this! My eyes were watering again. I got up to go before he could say anything.
"Wait!" He stopped me and pulled me into a fiercely tight hug. "Gay, straight, bi, I don't care! You are my best friend Natty! There is no way I would ever let something like this ruin our friendship! Something as small as you being who you are, that is just stupid. I love you, man. Nothing is going to stop that. Had you died when you, ya know, I wouldn't have had a say in whether or not I lost you. I do have a say now! I am not going to lose you Natty!"
I lost it. I started sobbing. I couldn't control myself. Talan was still hugging me fiercely, and he began stroking my hair. "Natty, its going to be alright. I am here for you now, and always will be. I will get you through this. Even if its just you and me in the end, I will stand by you no matter what."
I looked at his face. He was crying too. I could tell he meant everything he was saying. "Thank you so much Tally! I wasn't sure I was going to be able to make it without you."
He was still stroking my hair. "Is that why you tried to kill yourself? You thought you would lose me?" I nodded. He started crying harder, and he pulled me into another strong hug. "Don't you ever think something like that! You are never going to lose me! Never! I will always be there for you. No matter what."
We held that embrace for a long time. When we both stopped crying, we went back and set on the bed. We were silent for a good while. I didn't exactly know what to say, and I don't think he did either. Like usual, though, he broke the ice.
"You know, this doesn't change anything Natty. Nothing is going to be different between us."
I was hurt by his words. Did he think I was coming out and coming on to him? I started in on the defensive. "I didn't tell you that in hopes of you saying you loved me Talan. I didn't expect anything from you at all!"
"Wow, dude, that hurts. I didn't mean it like that. I meant our friendship is not going to change. I'm not going to act weird around you, and vice versa. But its good to know you think so highly of me." He got up from the bed, and started to leave his room. Great, I jumped to conclusions. Now I needed to apologize.
"Talan." He turned around. "I'm sorry. It's just, my emotions are on overload right now, and I am not really sure how to take things. I didn't mean to make you feel bad. You should know how highly I think of you! I love you! You are my very best friend in this entire world! Please don't let what I said come between us!"
He smiled my smile. "That's what I was looking for! Just because you're gay, you think you get all the attention. I was giving you everything you needed, and you hadn't once helped me out. I need some love too!"
I couldn't help but crack a smile. We sat in his room, and talked for hours about everything. It was about ten when my dad called me.
"Nathan, son, its time you headed on home. We will be here waiting on you."
I was about to respond when Talan grabbed my phone. "Mr. Quincy, can Natty stay over tonight? We have been playing my new game, and we almost have it beat. I just can't have him leave me high and dry right now." After he said that, he put the phone on speaker.
"Talan, did Nathanial put you up to this?" My dad inquired. Just like him.
"No sir. It's just that I really wanna finish this game. I promise I will have him to school in the morning, and his homework is already done. Please?"
"Well, I guess its okay. You take care of my boy. Call me if anything happens. I'm available all through the night! No matter the time. Can you give the phone back to Nathanial please?"
"Yes sir! Thank you sir!"
Talan took the phone off of speaker and handed it back to me. "Thanks for letting me stay dad."
"Nathanial, you be honest with me. Do you two have girls over there right now?"
"No sir!" I blushed. Talan gave me an inquiring look. "It is just us and Mr. Ivory. I promise."
"Okay, well don't you two stay up too late, and you call me if you need anything at all? Understand?"
"Yes sir."
"Even though I believe you, listen to me perfectly. I know the rumors about what a stud you are at school. If there is a girl there, and you get her pregnant, you are going to have to deal with me. I may love my son, but I'm definitely not afraid to light into his ass, you understand?"
I blushed a deep scarlet red. "Yes sir. I understand"
"Just make sure to wrap it up son. I love you, and I will call you in the morning. Sweet dreams Skipper."
"Awh, dad. Still with that nickname? I love you too. Good night Daddy." I hung up the phone.
"Dude, what the hell did your dad say? You were so red." Talan inquired.
"He asked me if we had girls over, because apparently he has heard the same rumors about me that you were telling me about, and then he threatened me."
"Threatened you?" Talan looked nervous.
"Yeah, he said if I got a girl pregs he would kick my ass."
Talan bellowed out laughter. "If he only knew, Natty. If he only knew!"
I hit him with a pillow, and we both started laughing.
At about midnight, I decided it was time to hit the hay. Talan apparently had the same idea as me. He got up, and started turning down his covers to get into bed. I got up and headed for the door. As I was turning the handle, he called to me. "Where the hell are you going? I thought you were spending the night."
"I am. I'm going to the guest room."
He looked at me puzzled. "Why?"
"I just thought that since I told you I-" he cut me off.
"I thought I told you nothing was going to change. It's not like you are going to rape me in my sleep. And if you do, I will at least let you get your rocks off before I kick your ass, but I will kick your ass. Besides, you know I can't sleep without something to hold onto."
"You sure?"
"Shut the fuck up, and get in the damn bed."
I walked back over to his bed and climbed in. I pulled the covers up, and started to close my eyes to go to sleep. Just like every other time I spent the night, Talan scooted close to and threw his arm over me. He pulled me in close to him, and snuggled me close. I remembered this happening for the first time in 7th grade. I went into a flashback.
"Umm, Talan, why are you cuddling me." I was really confused.
"I heard him start crying. I went from being confused to worried. He had only lost his mom a week ago, I knew he was still dealing with a lot.
"This is the first night that I haven't slept with my dad since momma died. Dad cuddles me as I cry myself to sleep. I don't think I can sleep without someone holding onto me, or me holding onto someone. If you aren't cool with it, I'll just go get in bed with my dad. He knows I'm going through a lot. He says I make him forget, even if just for a minute, that momma's gone when he holds me close."
That was not the answer I expected. I knew he was deeply affected by the loss of his mother. Understandably so. They were close. Even as he was getting older, he was not ashamed of the love he showed his mother. Anytime he would have a nightmare, his mother could almost sense it, and he would wake up in his parents' bed, cuddled between his mother and father.
"You don't have to go to your dad's bed. You can cuddle me. I don't care."
Ever since then, that's how we slept at his and my house. I explained to my parents what he told me, and they understood as well.
Snapping back from my flashback, I heard his breathing steady, and I knew he was drifting to sleep. I also began to close my eyes. I was really tired. I guess coming out takes a lot out of you. Right as I closed my eyes, I heard him start to speak.
"Nothing is changed Natty. Goodnight."
"Goodnight Tally. I'll see you in the morning."
All through the night. I had the most amazing sex dreams. They were all starring my bed mate. At one point, I knew that the orgasm I was having in my dream was causing an orgasm in reality. However, I couldn't bring myself out of the dream. Talan's sucking felt so real. Dream or not, this was going to give me jack off material for the rest of my life. Looking down and seeing his head bob up and down on my prick. Feeling him pull his mouth off of it and licking the sensitive head. Watching him sticking his tongue into my piss slit, and get some of my pre-cum on his tongue. Then he would launch back down on my dick. Feeling his throat contract around my cock is what sent me over the edge in the dream, and that is what sent me over the edge in reality.
When I woke in the morning, I began to panic. I knew I had an orgasm in my sleep, and that was going to freak Talan out. Waking up, and finding I had came while sleeping with him, only hours after I told him I was gay. It was going to be too much for him. I looked down, under the covers, at my crotch in order to clean things up a little bit before he woke up.
Much to my surprise, there wasn't anything there. No cum, no anything really. Just my usual morning wood. Talan shifted a little in his sleep, and pulled me closer to himself. He never moved much while asleep, and I always woke up still in his arms. He cradled me closer to his body.
In this new spooning position, I found that were in the same situation. We both had morning wood. His was placed right against my ass. I guess that the sensation must have been pleasant because he subconsciously began to hump my ass.
He was still humping and he began to grunt slightly. He was picking up speed. I could feel that his erection was no longer just morning wood, it was now a full blown sexual erection. I glanced over my shoulder, and he was still asleep. I figured, no harm no foul, so I let him continue what he was doing.
His breathing became erratic and his movements became much more eager. Soon, I felt something warm on my butt. He was cumming through his underwear, and he was soaking my backside in it. This sent me over the edge, and I came without touching my cock. I was really embarrassed now, but I didn't know what to do.
I heard him stir, and knew that he was starting to wake up. I closed my eyes, and acted like I was asleep. I felt him pick himself up, arm still draped over me, and I heard him chuckle. He ran his hand along my back and ass, tracing the remaining cum. He took his arm from around me, and reached in his floor to pick something up. I felt something rub against my back, and I realized he was cleaning me up. When he was done, he put his arm back around me and laid back down.
I had started drifting back to sleep, and I guess he did the same thing. The next thing I hear is a loud beeping noise. The arm he has around me reaches over and silences his alarm clock. He stretches a bit, and the he calls to me.
"Natty, wake up. We need to get ready!"
"I'm up. I heard the alarm clock.."
I turned over and looked at him. He smiled my smile, and very sleepily said, "Good morning sunshine. How did you sleep?"
I rolled my eyes. "You are always so cheery in the mornings. I slept fine. Yourself?"
I had gotten up to stretch as I answered his question. "Looks like you slept about as good as I did. Wet dreams? Still?"
I looked down at my crotch. I was crusty with dried cum. "Yeah. I guess so." I tired to laugh it off.
"Brad Pitt again?" he laughed.
"Ha Ha Ha. No. It was actually George Clooney." He roared laughter.
"Dude, shut up. You are gonna make me wet the bed. We gotta get showers, and you gotta take off my shorts. I want them back, but we gotta wash the cum off." He was still laughing.
"Talan, y'all need to start getting ready. I want y'all outta the house before I leave." Talan's dad poked his head in the door. "Jesus Nathan, how did you get cum on the back of those shorts?" Talan exploded with laughter when his dad asked that.
"Uh, I don't know." I replied while scratching my head. I began blushing.
"Oh, I guess Talan got you, huh? That's why the boy can't sleep with me anymore. He ruined all my pants. Now hurry up boys. Let's get this show on the road."
By this point, Talan had stopped laughing. His dad's story must have embarrassed him because he was redder than I was when my dad and I had our talk on the phone last night. "Natty, give me my shorts, and you can go hop in the shower first."
"Dude, do you still have any of my clothes here? I didn't think I was staying, so I didn't bring any."
"I only have what I have on. The rest of what I had I gave back. Go on ahead and get in the shower. I'll get you something to wear."
"Okay, thanks."
"Welcs. Just make sure to save me some hot water. I hate taking cold showers."
"I'll do what I can." With that, I hurried to his bathroom. I hopped in, scrubbed, and hopped out. It couldn't have taken me more than five minutes. However, that was plenty of time, apparently, for Talan to piece me together an outfit. I just figured he was going to get me some sweats or something. That wasn't in his thoughts, I guess, because when I got back to his room, he had me a nice outfit set out.
Damnit, he thought of everything. I walked over to the bed, and finished drying off. I then reached out and picked up the underwear he laid out. I knew he still had some clothes of mine. These were my favorite pair of Calvin Kleins. I slipped them on first. Next I picked up the undershirt. I started to put it on, and then I remembered something very important, deodorant. I went to his night stand and pulled out the extra stick that I keep over at his house. I applied some, and then went back to dressing. After I pulled on the undershirt, I picked up the pants. I had never seen Talan wear these, so I assumed they were new. I slipped them on, and the fit me perfectly. I mean we always wore the same size clothes, but these seemed like they were made for me. The fit snugly across my firm, but rather large, ass, and only left a little to the imagination in the crotch department. Just how I liked my pants. `He's not getting these back,' I thought to myself.
"Dude, you still aren't dressed yet? I figured you would be downstairs getting breakfast by now. Worse than a damn girl." Talan said as he walked back into the room with just a towel on. I took a minute to admire his body from head to toe before I retorted.
"You were what, in the shower for like 3 minutes? It takes me longer to scratch my ass."
"I was in there for ten minutes, and that's understandable. You have a big ass."
"Dick! No I do not. Its very average."
"Natty, chill. I didn't say it wasn't nice or anything. Just big. There is definitely nothing wrong with a big ass." He smiled my smile. I let the subject go.
"Anyways, I'm almost done getting dressed. What's with this outfit though? I figured you would just get me some sweats."
"Dude, you are so dense. It's picture day. Gotta have you looking fresh for picture day."
"Oh shit, I totally forgot about that. Good lookin' out."
"That's what I'm here for. Now hurry up and finished getting dressed."
"Just let me put on the shirt and I'm done."
"Well, stop talking about it and do it. I gotta get dressed too, and you are sorta standing right in front of my spot."
I finished buttoning up the shirt as I turned around to respond, "Sorry, I'm done now."
My smile crept across his face again. "Damnit I'm good."
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"Dude, look at yourself in the mirror."
"Okay." I walked over to the mirror, and almost immediately realized what he meant. I don't know if he intentionally picked the clothes he did, or if he just reached for something nice, but either way, I looked hot. The jeans looked better than they felt, and the subtle fade in them really accentuated my nicely sculpted legs. My bulge looked pretty impressive as well. Looking at the shirt, I realized that the colors in it made my eyes shine. The shirt was mostly black, but it had several emerald vertical stripes on it, that really complimented my eyes.
"Dude, you weren't kidding. I look damn good today."
"Oh, no thank you? No `Talan you dress me better than I dress myself. What can I ever do to repay you?'"
"Oh shut up! And thank you."
I grabbed my shoes and headed down the stairs for some breakfast. I guess because I have been friends with Talan for so long, I am used to just helping myself to whatever is in the fridge or cabinets. I decided on a bowl of cereal, and I also decided that Talan would be having the same thing. I poured two bowls, and, after pouring milk in my bowl, left it sitting on the counter. As I took my first bite, Talan was walking into the kitchen.
"So, am I picture worthy?" He asked as he came up and grabbed his bowl.
With as good as he dressed me, he did a hell of a lot better on himself. I couldn't speak. He looked...beautiful. That's the only way I can describe him. His pale blue button up was the PERFECT compliment to his eyes, and provided such a striking contrast to his hair, I almost gasped when I saw him. His pants were the exact same as mine, but they seemed to fit him better. I couldn't take my eyes off him.
"Earth to Natty. Hello! You in there?" Talan's hand was waving in front of my face.
"I'm sorry...what?"
"I said do I look picture worthy?"
I wanted to tell him he looked gorgeous, but of course I didn't. Instead I settled for, "As long as you're in the back of the yearbook."
He punched me in the arm and we started laughing.
We were cutting up and carrying on while we ate. Just as we finished our cereal and were pouring out the remainder of the milk, Talan's dad walked into the kitchen.
"What? Are you two auditioning for a modeling agency or something today?" Talan's dad asked.
"Huh?" We both replied in unison.
"You guys look good. GQ material, most definitely."
Once again, he got a unison reaction from us. We blushed, and replied, "Thanks."
"Anytime studs." He laughed. "Y'all have a good day at school. Remember to take a big stick. Y'all will need it to keep the ladies from jumping you." He laughed once again, grabbed an apple, and headed through the garage door. We heard the garage open and close, and took that as our cue to leave as well.
"I have to admit, we look pretty hot today," Talan said as he got into the passenger seat of my car.
"Well, you do. I look like this everyday. No matter what I'm wearing." I teased. "You on the other hand, this is an unusual day for you."
"Oh please, without my exceptional sense for what suits you style wise, you would be all ass, as usual."
"You are hung on my ass today," I replied.
"Well, its so damn big, it's the first thing anyone sees when they see you."
Damn, I could feel my insecurities setting in. "Is it really that big? I do squats all the time. I don't want a fat ass. I just don't know how to get rid of it." Was I tearing up? What the hell was wrong with me?
Talan put his hand on my shoulder, "Natty calm down. It's a nice ass. May be big, but its all muscle."
I decided to take this and twist it. "So you like my ass?" Damnit, what the hell is going on in my head today.
"Yeah, its nice." Did I hear that correctly? He likes my ass? I decided to let it go. I didn't need to pop a boner on the way to school. In these pants, he would definitely notice.
As we pulled up to the school, Talan reached over and turned the radio down. "Hey, drop me off at the front. I have a couple things I have to take care of in the office today. I'll meet you in the caf before first."
"Okay," I said as I let him out. I wondered what he had to do.
I parked in my usual spot after letting Talan out at the front, and walked into the cafeteria. I went to my usual table and joined my friends. A loud whistle came from the whole group.
"Look at sexy walking up." Brad Sterno, my second best friend, said.
"Yeah, looks like I'll be dumping Stacy for Nate." Mike Collins, a good friend, said.
"Oh shut up guys. I gotta look good for picture day, don't I?" I responded as I sat down.
"Oh, they're just teasing. That shirt makes your eyes look beautiful, by the way." I blushed as Stacy Bradshaw, Mike's girlfriend, said after hitting him for his comment.
"Thanks Stace." I replied.
"Well, must be hottie day or something." Kelly Rollings said looking over my shoulder.
"Damnit boy, what the hell are you two doing? Trying to steal our girls?" Matt Thompson, another good friend ,said to me.
"Huh?" I replied as I looked over my shoulder. I realized Talan had walked in and was making his way to table.
"Y'all look gorgeous today. Just like everyday, except today y'alls' eyes look spectacular." Brenda Thompson, Matt's twin sister, said to both Talan and me as he sat down.
"Thanks," we replied in unison. I then looked at Talan, "Get your shit done?"
"Yeah, Miss H. needed me to do some stuff for her this morning. Nothing major."
"Cool."
We sat there and talked until the bell rang. I'm not really sure how, but all of us managed to get lockers right next to each other, so we continued to talk on our way through the halls to our lockers. When I opened mine to get out my calculus book for first block, a note fell out.
"Oh, what's that? A love letter?" Brad cooed as he picked the note up from the floor. He started reading it aloud.
I long to see your face, To never be alone in any place. To be yours and call you mine, Would be the greatest gift of all time. I want to know you, Body and soul. The sight of you makes me lose control. The love I feel cannot be bound, Through these letters I shall be found. I will write you again, And then once more. Upon which we will meet, And our love will soar.
Your Secret Admirer
"Oh my god! That was beautiful!" Brenda said.
"Dude, someone has it bad for you!" Mike added.
"Apparently. I wonder who it is?" I replied.
"Who knows, but whoever it is, they want you real bad, and sound pretty confident that they will get you." Talan stated.
"Yeah, I know." I answered. "This pretty much made my day. Who wants to skip? I'm too happy to be brought down by first block Calc."
Everyone hit me, "Don't go getting a big head. Let's get to class." Brad said.
"Okay, okay. Let's go." We all headed towards class. I couldn't help but trail a little behind the others. My mind was racing. I had no idea who wrote this, but it touched my heart. I just hoped it was a guy, because while the words were beautiful, they weren't life changing. It was going to take more than a few words to make me swing for the home team.
Who could it be? Who could be my secret admirer? I had no idea, but I did know one thing, I wasn't going to be doing much Calculus. I had way to many other things going on in my head.