Well, here's chapter five. It isn't a very good chapter, but it kind if sets up for the rest of the plot. I have to thank Aaron who has been a constant source of support throughout this whole thing. I was very unsure of myself and the strength of my writing before he encouraged me. Go read his story, "Curly and Josh", you won't be disappointed. (If chapter seven sounds familiar, that's because I wrote it! Yay me!). I also have to thank Psychotic Angel, Tina and Jeff for giving me some new responses and renewing my excitement for writing this story.
Disclaimer: Everything you read on this page is a product of my twisted (yet brilliant) imagination. I don't know if any members of N Sync are gay. This is because I don't know them. In my own little fantasy world however, JC is completely gay and Justin is somewhere inbetween. So if you have a problem with any of that, then go away.
Chapter Five
Christina walked down the hall on her way to Justin's room. Sara, Joey, Lance and Chris were all in Joey's room playing video games and they were planning on going to get some dinner soon. Christina had heard from Sara about JC's date with Luke and immediately knew that Justin was probably an emotional mess. She had waited awhile to go and see him, wanting to give him awhile to cool off. But with Justin you never knew how he was going to react or what it was that he really needed.
Christina knocked on the door and heard Justin yell to hang on a minute. Then, a few seconds later, he opened the door. His hair was a big mess and his clothes were all wrinkled.
"Hey Christina," he said, trying to sound cheerful, but doing a really bad job of it.
"Hey Justin. How are you?" she asked softly.
"I assume you've heard?" Justin said as he stepped aside and Christina walked in and sat down in a big comfy chair.
"Well yeah, it's the only thing Sara talked about for like an hour," she said as Justin plopped down on the floor in front of her.
"Obviously I'm not too thrilled. I've spent the last few hours trying to think of other things. But I can't. I can't even sleep."
"Well, we're all about to go for dinner. Maybe that'll help," Christina offered.
"No," Justin said, "I'm not going anywhere tonight. I don't have the strength."
Christina looked at Justin and realized how worn down he actually was. He had a beaten look in his eyes. She slid out of the chair and put her arms around him.
"Chrissy, I'm going crazy," he whispered, "I've never been so jealous or worried in my whole life."
"JC's a big boy," Christina said as she pulled away, "He'll be fine."
"I know. Trust me, worry isn't the worst of my emotions right now," Justin said.
"You're that jealous?" Christina asked.
Justin gave her a look.
"You don't even know," he said, "I keep thinking of them, remembering how it was when they were together. I have all these images in my head. What if he brings him back to the hotel? What if I wake up tomorrow and open the door and see that bastard leaving JC's room? I won't be able to stop myself Chrissy, I'll kill him."
"Calm down," Christina said, "You know JC isn't like that. They aren't gonna sleep together. At least not tonight."
"You think they eventually will though?" Justin asked in a panic, "Do you think they'll get back together?"
"Justin, take a few deep breaths. You're losing your mind."
Christina was getting scared. Justin was really angry and he wasn't thinking straight.
"I can't concentrate enough to take deep breaths," Justin said.
"Yes you can," Christina encouraged, "just keep thinking in and out."
Justin began breathing deeper, but he still had the crazy look on his face. His eyes were staring blankly ahead of him and his hands were clenched into tight fists.
"Justin, the next time you see JC you have to tell him how you feel because this is getting out of hand," Christina said.
"But what if the next time I see JC he has a boyfriend?" Justin asked, turning to look at Christina.
"It doesn't matter. He can make that choice when he has to. But you need to tell him you love him. You're going out of your mind."
"I want to tell him. I wish I could get it all out," Justin said, "but every time I think I'm ready I start picturing all the things that could go wrong. I mean, life could really suck for me if JC completely rejects me. Which is entirely possible."
"Can that be any worse than how you're feeling now?" Christina asked.
"I don't know. I can't even imagine how bad it would hurt. But then again, this sucks, too. I can't function properly and I'm so worried that I'm making myself sick," Justin replied.
"How long has JC been gone?"
"I don't know. It feels like it's been a really long time, but I can't tell. I just want him to come home. I want him to come to my hotel room and spend the night with me," Justin said.
Christina looked at Justin and wanted to cry. He just seemed so hopeless and lost.
"Justin, just come out for dinner with us. It'll pass the time. And maybe you'll forget about JC for awhile."
"No," Justin replied, "I really can't. Everyone will see how upset I am and I won't be able to explain it."
"Justin, they all know you don't like Luke. Even before you had feelings for JC you didn't like him. They'll expect you to be upset. Nobody's going to think anything," Christina told him.
"I don't know. I just don't have the energy. I want to stay here. I need to be here when he gets back."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah. I'll be okay."
Christina kissed him on the cheek and walked out of the room. She softly closed the door behind her and began to walk down the hall, back to her own room. She didn't want to leave Justin alone, but she knew he wasn't going to leave the hotel. So she thought of a compromise.
"Sara?" Christina asked as she entered her room.
"Yeah?" Sara replied.
"Do you think the guys would mind if we stayed here for dinner. We could all get together in someone's room and order pizza or something," Christina suggested.
"That's fine with me, I didn't really want to go out anyway. I doubt anyone else will care. Why aren't we going out?"
Christina walked over to where Sara was sitting.
"Justin's a bit upset," she said, "He's worried about JC and he doesn't want to leave in case he gets back. But I don't think we should leave him all alone."
Christina watched Sara's face for a reaction. And she got one. Sara's eyes widened a bit as she turned toward Christina.
"Justin's really that worried about JC?" she asked.
"Yeah. Why shouldn't he be?"
"Oh, I don't know. I mean, I know they're really close, but JC can take care of himself. We all care about JC, but Justin's the only one making himself so sick over it."
"So?"
"So I'm just surprised, that's all."
Christina went over to the bed and sat down on it. It was obvious that Sara knew something. She was acting extremely suspicious. And Christina was pretty sure she knew what the big secret was, too. The only problem was getting Sara to spill. Sara was one of the most trustworthy people in the world, which was usually a good thing, but right now it sucked. It would be difficult for Sara to break JC's confidence.
"Why are you acting so weird?" Sara asked.
" I could ask you the same thing," Christina replied.
"Me? I'm not acting weird!" Sara said.
"Look, there's something we need to talk about here," Christina began, "so we can be ambiguous or we can be honest."
"Wait a minute, I have no idea what's going on!" Sara protested as she moved to the bed beside Christina.
"Okay, you know something about JC and I know something about Justin. We were both sworn to secrecy, but in this case we should tell eachother. Because we can help them out," Christina said.
Sara looked at Christina and narrowed her eyes, trying to decide what she should say, and trying to make sense of the whole conversation.
"What I know about JC couldn't possibly have anything to do with what you know about Justin," she said, "I don't think that me telling you would be able to help them out."
"Trust me," Christina said, "It would totally help them out. If I'm right about this, and I think I am, the thing you know about JC is the same thing I know about Justin."
"No way," Sara said, "that completely isn't possible."
"You think it isn't possible, but I'm telling you it is!"
"You must be totally on the wrong track. You probably think the thing I know about JC is something else. Because trust me, Justin wouldn't be happy about this."
"Yes he would!" Christina said, getting exasperated, "He would be so happy! This is the only thing in the world that he wants!"
"It can't be, it would make no sense!" Sara said. She was starting to wonder, though. Maybe it really could be true.
"Okay," Christina said, "I'm gonna tell you what I know about Justin. If I'm wrong, then you have to swear you won't tell anybody and we'll forget I ever told you. But if I'm right, and it's the same secret you're keeping for JC, then you have to tell me. Alright?"
Sara bit her lip and looked down. She had never broken a promise, especially one she made to JC. But in this case she had nothing to lose. If Justin was keeping the same secret, then she'd be doing JC a favour. And hopefully he'd forgive her.
"Okay," Sara said.
Christina drew in a deep breath. She didn't want to do this to Justin, but she was almost one hundred percent sure it would help him in the end.
"Justin is in love with JC," Christina said.
Sara just stared at her for awhile, unable to speak. She was completely shocked.
"You're sure?" she asked.
"Of course I'm sure!"
"You mean he told you?"
"Sara! Of course he told me. It's the only thing he ever talks about. He's miserable."
"Oh my God," Sara said, "I can't believe it. I never thought it was possible. Justin's straight!"
"Well, apparrently he isn't completely straight," Christina said.
"So is he gay?" Sara asked.
"Nope. He's just in love with JC. I don't completely understand it, and I don't think he does either. But you can tell when they're together. I can't believe I didn't notice it before," Christina said.
"Wow," Sara said, "I don't even know what to say."
"So JC's in love with him, too, right?" Christina asked.
Sara shook her head.
"Yeah. He is. He has been for a long time. But I never thought Justin would return his feelings."
"I knew it!" Christina said.
"So what now? Do we tell them?" Sara asked.
"No, we can't. It wouldn't be right. I mean, we can push them, but we can't do everything for them. They wouldn't have a proper amount of honesty in their relationship."
"This is gonna be so frustrating."
"I know. But we'll help them in any way we can. We have to push them to admit their feelings for eachother."
"So how did you find about JC?" Sara asked.
"I don't know. I mean it hasn't been that long. I only found out about Justin this morning. I could tell there was something up with him, but I didn't know what it was. And then when he came knocking at our door looking like he had been hit by a semi, he broke down. He told me. And then when I was leaving his room I ran into JC. I remembered that he had been upset last night and Justin told me that he wouldn't talk to him about what was wrong. So I started thinking, you know? And then in the elevator I got even more suspicious."
"Wow. You're quite the little Nancy Drew, aren't you?" Sara said.
"I guess so. But what about Luke? JC's gonna lose Justin before he even has him."
"I doubt it," Sara said, "he's trying to use Luke to forget about Justin. I can tell. And it isn't gonna work. Luke is an asshole and JC never stops thinking about Justin. He'll keep comparing them in his head and it'll drive him crazy. Even though he thinks he can't have Justin, deep down he won't let himself be with anyone else because he's holding onto any tiny hope he can."
"Good. So right now you should round everyone up. If they complain about staying in, kick them where the sun don't shine. Then bring them all down to Justin's. I'll go over there right now so he can clean himself up a bit. He's such a mess, you should see him."
"Hopefully that won't last much longer."
Sara quickly kissed Christina on the lips and went out to find the guys. Christina stepped out into the hall and turned back toward Justin's room. She hoped they'd be able to cheer him up.
She knocked on the door and waited for him to answer it. He peeked out into the hall squinting in the bright light. Christina noticed it was completely dark in his room.
"Why are you back? I thought y'all went out for dinner," he said.
"Um, change of plans," Christina said, "Are you gonna let me in? Why are all the lights off?"
Justin stepped back and opened the door. Christina flipped the light switch on as she went in.
"I don't know. It just felt better. I didn't want to be in the light."
"Well we're all gonna help cheer you up. Everyone's coming over here and we're gonna order pizza."
"Chrissy, I wanna be alone," he whined.
"That isn't what you need right now, Justin. Trust me, you'll feel better. Now put on some clean clothes and for God's sake, fix your hair!"
Justin just stood where he was and stared dumbly at Christina.
"Fine," she said, "I'll help you out!"
Christina started rummaging around in an open drawer and threw a T-shirt at Justin. It landed on his head, but he made no move to take it off. Christina giggled a bit, but stopped when she met Justin's angry glare as he roughly pulled the shirt away from his face.
"This is JC's" he said.
Christina felt bad, but she was getting sick of his attitude.
"Well then find something else and stop being such a grouch! We're having dinner with you and there's nothing you can do about it!"
Justin knew that when Christina made up her mind there was no changing it. So he grabbed some clothes and slowly walked toward the bathroom. But he wasn't gonna act like he was happy! He dragged his feet and slumped his shoulders the whole time.
Inside the bathroom Justin stripped down to his underwear. He stood over the sink, turned on the water and splashed his face with it. It was cold and refreshing. Then he looked up at the mirror. He was a bit shocked at what he saw. He stared into his own bloodshot eyes, wondering how the person he was looking at could actually be his own reflection.
"Josh," he whispered, "Please come home."
Justin sighed, not wanting to be alone with himself anymore. He was disgusted at how pathetic he was. He wanted to not care. He wanted to see JC the same way as he saw Chris, Joey and Lance. But he knew it wasn't going to happen.
He reluctantly put on the crisp, clean pair of khakis and dark blue T-shirt that he had picked out to wear. He tried to tame his messy curls, but didn't succeed. Still, it was an improvement from earlier.
When Justin stepped out of the bathroom, Christina had cleaned up the mess and turned on as many lights as possible. She had also pulled up the shade on the window, revealing a magnificent night time view of they city skyline.
"You clean up nicely," she said.
"Thanks," Justin replied, not sounding too enthusiastic.
Christina noticed that although Justin had changed and (sort of) fixed his hair, he still had the same look in his eyes.
Just then there was a knock on the door.
"Room Service!" someone yelled.
Justin pulled the door open to find Sara, Joey, Lance and Chris standing in the hallway with bright smiles on their faces.
"I didn't order any," Justin said with a scowl, and slammed the door back in their faces.
"Justin!" Christina said, as she opened the door up and let their friends in.
"Someone's not getting any!" Chris commented as he strolled into the room and took a seat on one of the beds.
"Shut up Chris," Justin shot back, "I'm not really in the mood."
"Wanna talk about it?" Lance asked.
"No," Justin said.
"Okay. Whatever. Let's order pizza," Lance said as he opened the phone book.
The night didn't get much better. Justin insisted on sitting in a chair and barely talking the whole time. Everyone tried to get him to join in on their conversations, but he wouldn't. Chris kept making jokes about it, which only made Justin angrier.
Finally everyone decided to give up. Nobody felt comfortable in Justin's room where they clearly weren't wanted.
"I guess we'll talk to you tomorrow," Sara said as they were leaving.
"If you need anything, just call," Christina told him.
Chris and Joey didn't say anything, they just left. Sara and Christina followed. Justin waited patiently for Lance to go back to his own room.
"Bye Lance, I'm closing the door now," he said.
"I'll do it for you, " Lance replied as he stepped back into Justin's room and closed the door behind him.
"You're supposed to be on the other side," Justin said, clearly annoyed.
"I think I'll stay for a bit," Lance said, stretching out on the bed.
"You aren't welcome."
"Justin, what's wrong?" Lance asked, "You're scaring me."
"I'm fine."
"No you aren't."
"I'm just worried about Josh."
"Is everything okay between the two of you?"
Justin suddenly took interest.
"Of course it is, why would you ask that?" he said.
"Well, because you guys were acting weird this morning and you've just been sort of off lately," Lance replied.
"It's nothing Lance. Just go back to your room and don't worry about me."
Lance sighed and stood up. He could see that this wasn't going anywhere. He walked to the door and let himself out, not even saying bye.
Justin knew he was being rude. But he wasn't in the mood for company. He wanted to tell Lance everything, but he was scared that Lance would tell JC. For now the only person he could trust was Christina.
Justin paced back and forth around the room. If JC would just come home, everything would be okay. If he could just see him for one second it would make him happy.
JC picked up his crystal champagne glass and took a sip. He felt awkward and out of place. It suddenly dawned on him that he was sitting in the middle of a ridiculously expensive restaurant eating bad food with the one person he hated most in the world.
"How's the champagne?" Luke asked with a smile.
"Uh, it's fine," JC replied.
He hated the way Luke looked at him. It made him feel dirty. He didn't know what he was doing there. He wasn't having any fun and he kept thinking of Justin. He imagined it was Justin sitting across the table from him, smiling and laughing.
But thinking of Justin was what stopped JC from leaving. He had to find a way to get over him. Maybe if he stayed with Luke for a little bit longer he'd rediscover his attraction for him. He kept thinking that if he loved Luke before, he could love him again.
"Are you finished?" Luke asked.
"Yeah, I'm done," JC replied.
"You wanna get out of here?" Luke asked, with a wink.
"Sure," JC answered, feeling kind of sick.
Luke paid and the two of them left the restaurant. The valet brought the car around and Luke started driving.
"So, do you want to come over for awhile?" Luke asked.
JC swallowed hard. Did he really want to do this? COULD he really do this?
"Yeah, that'd be cool," JC said.
What had he gotten himself into?
Luke pulled up to the front of a very swank building. The two of them got out and made their way up to an equally swank looking condo.
"So, this is my new place," Luke said.
JC looked around. It actually was a really nice place. It was obviously decorated by a proffessional with an expensive taste in furniture and a good knowledge of colour schemes. It had a large balcony over-looking the city and a very calming feel about it.
"It's nice," JC said.
"Here, have a seat, I'll get some wine."
JC sat down as Luke poured him a glass of wine. JC sipped at it and Luke put on some music. Then he sat down beside JC.
"So..." JC said.
"Have you been thinking about me?" Luke suddenly asked.
"Uh, I...."
"Because I've definitely been thinking about you."
Luke took JC's wine glass out of his hand and placed it on the table. Then he shifted closer to him on the couch. He started playing with JC's hair.
"JC, I know I hurt you, but I want to show how wrong I was. I've changed."
JC was feeling very uncomfortable. His whole body was tense. Luke was breathing in his ear and touching him all over the place.
"Just give me a chance JC, let me prove myself to you."
JC jumped as Luke's hand moved to his thigh. He was dangerously close to JC's crotch. JC turned to look at Luke and Luke's mouth immediately went to his. They kissed for awhile and JC tried to find some sort of flicker of what he used to feel for Luke. But it just wasn't there.
The only problem was that JC was determined to go through with this. At least Luke wanted him. Justin never would. Justin didn't even like men.
JC let Luke push him back on the couch. He ran his heands through Luke's coarse, dark hair.
Hair that he noted was nothing like the soft curls on Justin's head.
Justin lay in his bath tub with his eyes closed. He was imagining that JC was in the tub with him, placing kisses all the way along his naked body, making sure that he covered every inch of bare skin. He would kiss his way down Justin's chest, licking his nipples, then proceed down his stomach, around his belly button untill he reached-
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
Justin jumped in the tub, surprised that someone would be at his door. He knew it was probably Lance or one of the other guys coming to get mad at him again. He hopped out, grabbed a towel, wrapped it around his waist and went to answer the door.
"What do you want now?" he asked.
Then he looked up.
"Josh!"
Okay, so there it is. I know I left you hanging, but there was a reason for it. I wanted to get all the junk out of the way in this chapter so that the next chapter is really good. Well, at least I hope it'll be really good. I'm not making any promises. As always, feedback is more than welcome, even if it's just to say, "Your story sucks and I think you should quit writing it." But please, if you're gonna hate what I write, give me a reason. Complaint without justification makes me mad!