Subjects: Secrets Uncovered - Chapter 10
Warning: The following story has homosexual content. If you are offended or made uncomfortable by material concerning sexual relations between consenting young men, then don't read. If it is in any way illegal for you to be reading this, then don't. Otherwise please continue reading.
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
Sorry it took me so long to write this chapter, guys. It is a pretty serious one so I wanted to take my time when writing it. I'm not completely happy with it, but I want this to be the last chapter on David's death. Thanks for all the support and good comments you've sent about my stories. I will keep writing 'em as long as you keep the comments coming!
Tomorrow did come. The world just continued as it always did. I don't remember falling asleep or waking up. It seemed like one long stretch of time from the moment I opened David's letter to sitting in the car with my family. I stared out the window and watched trees and grass rushing past. My mom turned the corner and I saw the cemetery. I hadn't been here since my grandmother died a few years ago. Memories of that came rushing back to me. I wasn't crying though, yet.
We got out of the car and walked in silence to the congregating hall. It was the main hall where everyone gathered before walking to the grave. There were a lot of people there.
I wasn't surprised that it was pouring with rain. I hardly noticed it though. It was about a five minute walk to David's grave, with me, another one of his close friends, and other family members being the pallbearers to take his coffin to the grave.
A short sermon and memorial prayer was said, and it was handed over to David's father to give the eulogy. It infuriated me - the things he said, the falseness, it boiled my blood like you couldn't believe.
"....My little boy, my innocent angel..." he said. "You left us in the prime of your life. You were so special to your family and friends..."
And that was my breaking point. I stood up and started screaming at him.
"You knew nothing about your son!" I screamed. "How dare you claim to know what he felt?! What he was going through?! You made his life a living hell, and now you are desecrating him in his last moments on this earth!"
I'd never seen myself speak the way I did. It was as though I seperated from my body, and hung in the air above myself, watching myself scream at David's father. I didn't care though. I was so enraged and fed up with all this hypocrisy and falseness.
"I hope you lie in bed tonight, and for every night for the rest of your life and think about the way you treated him, and how now it's too late! I hope you can never forgive yourself for driving him to do what he did, you cold-hearted bastard!"
I ran from the gravesite with tears streaming down my face. I ran as fast as I could, as far as I could. I knew what I was running from, though. It wasn't David's father, or David's suicide, or David's history. It was David. I knew that I was in denial. And that I hadn't accepted his death yet. But that always seems to happen to me - that when someone close to me passes away, it only actually hits me a few weeks or a month or however long after they've been gone. But with David it was different. I never wanted to accept his absence. He was such a big part of me. And he was gone. But my mind would not believe it, would not accept it.
My mom caught up to me. She was gasping for breath. I was sitting with my back propped up against one of the trees, about a kilometer from David's grave. I could see practically the entire cemetery from where I was sitting. The entire place was covered in pine trees. Any attempt that was made in order to try and beautify this place failed miserably. Anywhere else, these trees would look as though they were flourishing and happy. But here they were stained with the same foul stench of death as everything else was.
"Jason," my mom started.
"I'm sorry, mom. I don't know what came over me. It's just, the things he said..."
"I understand," she said. "I know that you knew things about David that no-one else knew."
She sat down next to me.
"You know that anything that's on your mind, you can tell me, right?" she asked.
"I know mom," I replied automatically.
"Jason," she said, sternly. "Look at me." I turned to face her.
"Anything," she emphasised. A tear rolled down her cheek. I wasn't sure why she was crying, or what was going on in her mind. But the site of her crying always made me cry. So I started as well. She took me in her arms. After about 5 minutes of just holding eachother, she pulled away from me.
"You okay to drive?" she asked.
"Yeah," I said.
"Here," she said, handing me the keys to her BMW. "Why don't you go to Ricky's?"
"Why would I want to go see Ricky now, mom?" I asked, getting a little uneasy.
"Oh, I don't know," she said, almost teasingly. "You guys seem pretty close. I'm sure he's worried about how you're doing."
I realised that I hadn't thought about Ricky for about a day. That's a pretty long time, if you think about how much I loved him. I smiled, and realised I hadn't smiled once since the night of the party. It felt good.
"That's not a bad idea, mom." I said.
"I'll see you back at the house, sweetie. I'll get a lift with Sharon," she said, and gave me a long kiss on the forehead.
"Bye," I said, as she stood up and started walking away. I sat there, silently staring out into nothingness, processing what had happened. One thing came out of the processions - I needed to see Ricky.
I stood up and walked the few meters to my mom's car. I pressed the unlock button and got into the driver's seat. Slipping the key into the ignition, and reversed out the parking, put it into first, and pulled away out of the cemetery. As I was driving out of the gates, I glanced in the rear-view mirror.
"Bye, David," I said to myself. "Forever, my friend."
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Satori.