I, being a college freshman, wasn't prone to rash motion. Reid's invitation to live in his house and accept not only his hospitality but his food and him as my primary source of transportation, fell into the category of, if it sounds, too, good to be true, it probably is. I'm certain that other like minded folks as myself would come up with that piece of wisdom under similar circumstances, and as pieces of wisdom go, I'd have to say that one is likely ninety-nine percent accurate.
On the other hand, while being conservative in my actions, I couldn't resist an opportunity to totally piss off my mother no matter how insane the plan. The likelihood of my doing something often hinged on how pissed off it would make my mother. My motivation here was twofold, the piss off factor along with something I had never experienced, freedom.
Reid was the honey and I was his fly. No matter what the circumstances, everything came to a screeching halt once Reid showed up. The first few days I was there, he drove me to school, handing me a key to the house on the first day, and he drove me home three days a week. I used my board the other two days and didn't question him about his whereabouts. It was an easy skate to his house from school and once there, I was free to do anything I wanted.
Reid kept his distance, except for meals, when he prepared or ordered prepared food, and served me. There was access to his room, a huge third floor sprawl that included two bathrooms, one a toilet and sink and the other a walk in affair that was roughly the size of my old bedroom, when I lived a few blocks from his house on the other side of Route 1. There was a step down bathtub that was four feet deep and built into the floor. I stood and stared down into it the day I discovered it, while going to pee.
Everything was immaculate. My bed was made when I arrived home from school each day, and the clothes that I tossed off once I arrived home, were always clean and neatly folded and on my dresser after school. I kept my eye on Reid, while I was at the house, but I never caught him cleaning or making beds. It all seemed to be done by magic and during our absences. It would be Friday night before I learned the truth about the self-cleaning house and the fact that my mother wasn't the only bitch on the planet.
There was also a theater television system at one end of Reid's room, a stereo of studio quality, and enough computer gear, games, and software to open his own branch of Circuit City. I was free to come and go from his room with the door that was always open and use anything I liked. There was one closet full of clothing that he invited me to select items from if I had the need or desire. His shirts cut for his big chest were way big on me and his pants were 28 waist with a 33 leg, which precluded me from buttoning them, because my waist ranged from 31 to 32, depending on the season.
The one desire I had, and it was overwhelming at times, was the desire to get naked with him, but that subject never came about. The first four days I was there, Reid was there to make sure my needs were met, most of them anyway, and then, he disappeared. Leaving me alone in the house for hours at a time and never telling me he was leaving or bothering to mention where he was going or when I could expect him to return. It was obvious to me he was involved with someone or ones and he spent a lot of time sampling the local fair.
If I looked like Reid I'd have had more dates than the law allowed. It didn't bother me to know he was popular and made the most of it. What did bother me was that I wasn't on his to do list, and I lacked the sophistication to explain to him how I felt. My early visions that he had brought me home to ravage my body and make mad passionate love to me were dashed in opulence and an abundance the likes of which I had never imagined. If I was to be miserable this sure was the place to do it.
It took until Friday for me to meet his mother. I wasn't certain she even existed until I showed up in the kitchen at 6 p.m., the time we'd eaten each day I had been there. I was shooed out of the kitchen and into the main dinning room by a very large and formally dressed cook. The table was big enough for twenty guests but was set for three very distant fellows. Candelabra were a blaze as violins and a piano made music that soothed the background, coming from a source I couldn't find.
Seated at the far end of the table was a formally dressed woman with bright red lipstick and a single strand of pearls. She had a briefcase open beside her and she was going over documents, when she looked up over the top of her glasses as I made a less than graceful entry into her world.
"Hi," I said as she examined me for way long.
"Good evening," she said in a voice that indicated my inappropriate attire. "You are?"
"Dane," I said with certainty, not letting her confuse me.
"Reid's new friend I assume?"
"Yes, in the flesh."
"He's invited you to stay with us, I believe."
"You know he has, Mother," Reid said, rushing into the room as if he was on a mission to rescue me from the wicked witch of the west.
He continued moving toward his mother until she presented her cheek, which he kissed. I suppose it was better than the part of her anatomy I imagined a woman of such breeding to present for lesser mortals to kiss. The entire scene seemed awkward at best and out of a bad play at worst.
"Sorry, I was held up. Come on, Dane, I'll get you a jacket and shirt."
"That's not necessary, Reid. He's fine. If he's still with us next Friday he'll know better."
"He's quite healthy, Mother, I don't anticipate his demise before next Friday. I know how you feel about wearing T-shirts to the table. It'll only take a minute and I can warn him about your stinger."
"We'll forgive him this one time," she said, sounding as though she did not forgive much as she waved for us to take our seats.
"That's quite white of you, Mother," Reid quipped to a harsh stare. "Mother likes to come by on Friday evenings so we can eat together. I've been so busy all week, I forgot to mention it, Dane. She doesn't actually bite. She just looks like she might."
"Reid!"
"You don't, Mother, and I won't pretend you do."
"Reid!"
"Yes, ma'am. She merely nips at the heels to keep het sheep in line."
"Reid!"
I sat in the middle, an equal distance between the two. It was at times like these that I wished I had kept track of my glasses. The intense candelabra's blaze had me fearful that the food might get scorched and the constant flickering gave me a headache. I was left in the dust as Reid and his mother fenced over a meal I was unable to identify. It turned out to be Salmon in a sauce of some kind with midget broiled potatoes and carrots with a variety of midget vegetables I lacked familiarity with. It wasn't bad once you got use to the taste.
"How's the House?" she asked.
"Fine."
"You still going every day."
"Most days. Rand is quite ill. I read to him and try to make him comfortable."
"Rand?"
"Rand Walker? He's been to Friday night dinner numerous times. The author? You made the board give him a private room, when they balked at losing all that money from not having two beds in his room."
"The old fellow you made such a fuss about? He was dying of cancer as I recall. I was sure he had died. Two years ago as I recall. He's still with us?"
"More like he's still at the House. He didn't feel comfortable here for some reason. We eat out when he's in the mood."
"Writers are a strange breed," she observed.
" They aren't optimistic," Reid advised. "He doesn't want to be hospitalized and they are limited with what they can do for him."
"He's been rather fortunate compared to some with cancer."
"Not fortunate enough," Reid said, sounding bleak. "He's probably dying."
"Well, it's a far better place he's going than where he has been," she said, using a tiny corner of the huge cloth napkin to blot at her tiny tight lips.
"Yeah, the worms crawl in the worms crawl out and get what's left of him. I think he'd rather stay here with us."
"Reid!"
"Yes, Mother dear?"
"Your disrespect will do you no good when it comes time to make your way in the world. You've had an exceptional childhood, but it's time you learned to become productive. You can't live such a carefree life forever."
"We're going broke. You've found a way to squander the family fortune, Mother? I thought my grandparents had it in a trust that you couldn't violate."
"You are impertinent. I hope your new friend doesn't think he can depend on you."
"My new friend is a big boy. He depends on himself, don't you, Dane."
"Me? Oh yeah, I depend on myself," I said, not being convincing.
"Reid is an idealist, Dan. He thinks that by flaunting his independence he'll put me in an early grave, but I plan to be around for a long time administering the Winthrope Estate, until he finally grows up and can appreciate the magnitude of the work we do for others."
"Winthrope?" I asked Reid.
"Dane, Mother," Reid corrected carefully. "My mother doesn't use my father's name. Winthrope is her maiden name. Once my grandparents croaked, she took over as conservator of the Winthrope Foundation. It finances philanthropic endeavors in the family name. Winthrope House being an institution we underwrite."
"Your father was a mistake. Nothing that came from him ever amounted to much. My maiden name goes back centuries in this country. It's a proud name."
"Yes, Mother."
"I have a meeting and a cocktail party to attend. I wanted to bring you the papers to sign for the annual meeting of the board. They are to keep your inheritance funds in place for another year. There's a proxy for the board you need to sign so I can cast your vote. I've written a generous check for your expenses. I'll stop by for the papers in the morning."
"Ah, my bribe. Yes, I'll look the papers over, Mother."
"Just sign them so I can exercise the proxy. You needn't worry yourself with the details."
"I wondered why you stayed for so long. I'll sign this last time, Mother. I'll be twenty-one next year before the annual meeting and then I'll look more carefully at my options," he said distinctly.
His mother tossed the papers onto the table a few feet in Reid's direction. She closed the briefcase, stood, and straightened her dress carefully.
"I'll see you next Friday, Reid."
"Yes, Mother. I'll be looking forward to your visit," Reid said as she made her getaway.
"Martha, we'll have dessert in the den," Reid yelled. "You had enough to eat?"
"A bit rich," I said.
"I'll order pizza later. Don't say anything in front of Martha. She cooks for mother, when called on to do so and my mother eats some strange shit. Wait until you taste Martha's bread pudding. It's to die for. You eat enough of that and even pizza looses its appeal."
We went into the den and Reid made a fire in the fireplace and then poured two glasses of wine from a crystal decanter he took off the big mahogany bar. He handed me one glass and set the second down next to the big easy chair that faced the couch where I thought we were both sitting. He poured a third glass and brought it back and he sat next to me, smiling and patting my hand. This was more like it. I finally had time with him alone.
"I love a fire," he said.
"Me, too. We didn't usually have one at my house though," I confessed.
"No. How sad. A nice glass of wine in front of the fire is really relaxing after a tough day. I sometimes read here at night."
"Yeah, but we didn't have a fireplace."
Martha brought in a tray with dishes and a huge bowl filled with what I assumed was bread pudding. She carefully and quietly dished up two huge servings, covered them with cream, setting them on the coffee table in front of us.
"You brought an extra dish, Martha?" Reid observed.
"Uh, huh," she said without looking up from her chore.
"You're going to join us, I suppose?"
"Uh, huh," she said smiling fondly at him.
"I poured you some wine. How's Henry."
"About the same, Master Reid. You don't know how good it's going to feel to get off these old legs," she said, preparing a bowl of bread pudding for herself.
"Martha, this is Dane, my friend. He's going to stay with me for a while."
Martha stopped what she was doing and offered me her hand, giving me a big smile and then smiling warmly at Reid.
"Nice to meet you, Dane. I noticed the guestroom was being used. This one is awfully young, Reid."
"He's also very innocent," Reid said as if I wasn't there. "That's so charming. I don't know the last time I met some one as innocent as he."
"You boys be careful, now. Don't do to hurt no one if you don't need to."
"We're fine, Martha. We're fine, aren't we, Dane."
"Yeah, we're fine."
Martha sat down and kicked her feet up, sipping her wine before she dug into a mountain of bread pudding. It was every bit as good as advertised. I went back for seconds but Reid didn't finish his first bowl. I remembered the size of his waist and I left one spoonful in my second bowl, having visions of fitting into his pants if I did.
"Your mother asks you how the house is?" I asked.
"Not this house. Martha keeps her posted on what goes on here. Don't you, Martha?"
"Uh huh. I tell her what she needs to know, Master Reid. I wouldn't divulge no confidences."
"Martha's been with me since I was a baby," Reid said. "My mother was never around even when I was a kid. Martha use to stay here with me until I started college. Now I'm a big boy, huh, Martha?"
"Uh, huh. You got into your share of mischief. I don't know how many nights I sat up waiting for this one to come home. You shouldn't ought to have made me worry all them nights, Master Reid. It's made an old woman out ah me."
"You're as beautiful as you've ever been, Martha," Reid boasted.
Martha laughed from deep inside her and smiled pleasantly, drinking her wine and scooping in more bread pudding with an appreciation she wore on her face.
"Your mother would have skinned me alive if she had known all the times I covered for you. This boy was more trouble than he was worth. Now, he's so quiet and predictable, I keep lookin' to see if someone done switched him on me."
"Sowed my wild oats, Martha. Don't do anything but take care of business now."
"You sure turned out to be a handsome one. Your father never looked near as good as you."
"I got my looks from my mother," Reid bragged with a giggle.
Martha started laughing down deep again.
"Your mamma done ate too many sour pickles. She's a hard woman. Your grandma had such a sweet disposition. Don't know where your mamma got her meanness. Left her own child to be raised by the housekeeper. No, I don't know what makes a woman act like your mother."
"You've stayed with her forever," Reid said. "I'm glad though. I wouldn't have made it without you."
"No, honey, I never stayed with your mamma. I stayed with her son. I see you as my boy."
Reid's smile was an appreciative one. He knew what the answer was going to be but he liked hearing her words. Martha seemed right at home with him but while she was serving us at dinner, she was rigid and without expression. Now, her stockings sagged around her ankles and her apron had been discarded next to her chair as she slumped deep down in it.
"Your grandpa, now there was a handsome man. You takes after your grandpa, I'd say."
"I wish I had known them," Reid said. "I can't remember them."
"Your Grandma passed sudden. One day she was radiant and as handsome a woman as I'd ever seen. Next thing you know, she was gone. They loved each other so much. Your Grandpa sat down here in the den and wasted away, God rest his soul. Three months to the day, after we put your Grandma in the ground, he was laid to rest at her side. That man was strong as a horse and he was never sick a day in his life. That man died of a broken heart. Yes, sir. Never seen the likes of it. No, sir."
"And my mother has carried on the family tradition."
"Smartest thing your grandfather ever did was signing over the house to you instead of your mother. She'd have sold it all by now. I know about what happens when you're twenty-one. I witnessed those papers he signed the week before he died. He told me, "Martha Myers, don't you ever tell my daughter about this arrangement of ours. Your mamma is going to get a freightful surprise when you is an official man, Master Reid. She thinks my that one percent your granddaddy gave me and the vote that goes with it is in her pocket. She'll be mad as a hornet when it goes to you. I done signed them papers and I be given that one percent to you next year. You'll be controlling fifty and one half percent of the Winthrope Foundation. That's what I agreed to and that's what be done."
"Yeah, well, I'm just as happy working at the House and helping out where I can. It's a big responsibility and I'm not sure I'm ready for it."
"That's what all those lawyers and advisors are for. You don't think your mother knows anything about it. You'll be a far better caretaker than your mamma's been She takes all she can get to live like she does. Sometimes I wonder if that woman was born with a heart."
"Martha, of course she was. She can't help it's black."
The laugher started in her belly and burst through her chest and tickled her all over. She jiggled and giggled and shook her head at Reid's humor. I felt as though I was witnessing an intimacy that few people knew about. I had known Martha for a few minutes but I took to her every bit as quickly as I had taken to Reid. Seeing this friendship had me hoping that I could become someone Reid enjoyed and liked as much as her.
We listened to some music I couldn't identify. There were no lyrics. It was a bit more upbeat than the dinner music. After an hour of socializing with Martha, she had to clean up the kitchen and get home to her husband. We went up to Reid's room and he put on some rock and turned on the theater, which was playing one of the Star War movies. The sights and sounds would have been awesome if we hadn't started playing computer games.
Reid was able to make me feel totally inadequate as he conquered each game, leaving me in the dust. He seemed perfectly tuned to everything he did. We hadn't done a lot of talking, since I had moved in. In the mornings on the way to school I was still half-asleep and at night he was in hyper drive and it was difficult just keeping up with his energy, when he was around.
"Why am I here?" I asked, during a lull in the action.
"Why are you here? You're here to be close to school. You're here because I hate being alone and you're good company. Why do you think you're here?"
"I do, too, like your company. I mean, I like being here. I like you. I even like Martha, but you're never here. I know you have people and things you do and that don't bother me. I don't want to mess up your life, but every day you take off and leave me here. I wish that one day we could do something together. I wish you wanted me to come along. I don't like being alone."
"You don't? I should have figured that out. Look, Dane, I do a lot of stuff that would bore you. I thought you'd be studying and enjoy all the peace and quiet."
"I do. I'm not complaining. Well, maybe a little. When we met, I felt like we hit it off. It just felt good to me, being with you. It feels good being with you right now, but then you're gone. I don't know where, or when you'll be back. I'm all alone here."
"Dane, you can do anything you want. I can take you with me but I don't think it's your cup of tea," Reid said, putting his arm around me as he explained, hugging me once he touched me and he looked at me with what looked like desire, pulling me back into his chest and rubbing my back gently with both of his hands.
"That's what I need," I said, snuggling against him with my own desire. "I don't like being alone. I like it even less when I feel alone. I don't want to keep you from going out with your friends. It's not that. It's the fact we haven't done anything together, besides go to school and eat, and I might give up eating after having dinner with your mother."
"It's been a tough week. I couldn't take you along. Next week will probably be worse. I'm trying to protect you from things you don't need to be exposed to, Dane. Trust me. I'll tell you everything. It won't be long and I'll have more time for you. This hasn't been a good time for me but if I hadn't asked you to stay, you might have disappeared on me."
"I'm innocent and I'm naïve, but I want to know about stuff. If we can't be boy friends I want to at least be friends and know the guys you are going out with instead of me. Maybe I can figure out what you like and I could surprise you. I only want a chance, Reid."
"You surprise me all the time," he said, kissing my forehead and making me feel like I was with my grandfather. "I'll explain things next week. It's too early and I don't want to upset you with the crazy details of my life. You may not understand some of it. I don't want to scare you off before we get to know each other. It's just been a bad week for me. It's going to get better."
"Next week?" I said.
"It's very hard to explain, Dane. I'd rather wait until the right time. This just isn't the right time for me. I know it isn't fair. Be patient with me. Give me a little more time and I'll tell you everything. We've got plenty of time."
"Yeah, I suppose we do. How do I be more like someone you like? What do I need to do? I want you to like me," I said, searching out his deep blue eyes. "I want you to like me more than you like everyone else. I'll do whatever you want and I won't get in your way."
"You're exactly what I like. It's just not a good time right now. I'll do better next week. I think you might understand that I'm not trying to exclude you. I'm trying to protect you. I'm in the process of tying up some loose ends and I have no control over the timing. You came along at exactly the right time for me, Dane. You don't know how much I need to have you here with me. Please, don't get impatient. Give me a little time and just relax and enjoy everything I can provide for you. Everything will be clear to you in a week or two. I promise."
That helped some but it still left me in the dark. As we lie on the bed together, he held me and I fell asleep in his arms. No one had ever held me like that before. It was broad daylight when I woke up, still in the clothes I'd worn to school the day before and to dinner last night.
The house was empty and I was no longer sure I made the right decision about moving in with Reid so quickly. Just being closer to school made my life a hundred times easier but being there with him and not being with him made my life very hard. I'm not certain why and I can't explain what I expected of him, but whatever it was, I wasn't getting it, and after five days, I was unhappy again.
The unhappiness ran through my entire life. Reid had dashed my expectation that I had finally found love or something akin to it. The emptiness I was left with, knowing Reid was out there sharing his body and soul with other boys, and even after finally ending up in his bed, I was still `chaste. It was a cursed purity I'd been trying to forego for as long as I could remember. My fear of rejection amidst hysterical laughter had kept me silent.
I rehearsed my speech to Reid daily, begging him to deflower and devour me as I devoured Martha's pudding the night before, but in his presence I was dumb. I wanted to fall on my knees and pray to his God of desire, until I drained him of all and any passion he held for anyone else. I'd had these thoughts about dozens of unattainable boys from my adolescent years, but the desire to survive high school kept me silent about what I dreamed of doing to their prime young bodies, either singularly or in groups. A perennial coward, I was likely destined to die a virgin, the boy who dared not take a risk.
My life until that day had been about being alone in the world and being alone with Reid was fast becoming the most alone I had ever been.
rumbustiousboy@yahoo.com