The urge to leave was only subdued by visions of Reid and what those visions had me feeling. Besides, crawling home to my mother would have been such an overwhelming victory for her, I might never escape the web she'd woven me into. I thought about dropping by to see the old man and maybe he'd extend an invitation to stay, after confessing how much he missed me, but there was always the chance he'd recognize me but couldn't be certain from where, since I don't ever remember having a conversation with him.
By late afternoon I had eaten two ham sandwiches and enough bread pudding to feed the entire relentlessly chirping bird colony in the backyard for a week. Each time I stopped doing what I was doing I went back to lie on Reid's bed. When I went in the bathroom to relieve the soda I'd ingested, there on the floor was a pair of navy blue Calvin underpants and a matching T-shirt beside a still damp towel.
Without taking the time to piss, I carried my booty to his bed, peeling back the covers for the first time. I stripped and slipped between the fresh cool sheets. Even with fresh bedding, his smell was everywhere, especially in his underwear. I hadn't paid attention to his smell before but I recognized it easy enough tucked in his bed. I put on his underwear for greater excitement, after getting my fill of the smells. I don't recall ever being so involved with myself as I was there in my true love's bed. My body came alive with feelings that are difficult to describe. My exhilaration intoxicated me with desire.
I relieved my increasing tension twice. The first time I merely took possession of my overheated flesh and I nearly didn't get the towel in front of the blast area in time to prevent making a mess. I only took a moment's sabbatical before I was back at myself. The second time was more controlled and after taking the time to cultivate my heightened arousal, I let loose with my most intense orgasm ever.
I was certain, while perform this oft-practiced devotion to myself, that my dick had grown longer and wider than ever before. The feel of it was gratifying indeed. So many of my feelings had become super sensitive, since I first encountered Reid in the park. What I had seen him do excited me, though I had little understanding of what he got out of it. There were mysteries all around him.
If he had some kind of fetish that made it rewarding for him to sell his underwear to strangers in the woods, I could handle that, but what if that wasn't all he did in the woods with these shadow fellows. Lying there, feeling myself inside his Calvin's had me more understanding of the buyer's side of it. What would I pay to feel this way?
No amount of money could have been, too, much for the satisfaction I'd gotten out of one use. An hour ago I had no knowledge that indicated being so close to where he'd been could be that exciting. I'd never smelled a smell as intense as his. I had found the locker room at school and the boy's bathrooms somewhat enticing. I assumed it was the nature of what boys did there that got me going. It never occurred to me that it was the smells that excited me, not the vision of the boys doing their business there. Maybe it was both.
After my second successful launch, I hugged Reid's pillow and fell asleep. When I woke up he was kissing my forehead, while sitting on the bed beside me. The evidence of my indiscretion was everywhere, especially on my body. He rubbed my chest, which just happened to be inside his T-shirt as I came back to his room.
"Oh... I...," I didn't say, unable to come up with anything reasonable to explain my appearance, but he said it all for me.
"I've got a T-shirt that exact color and style. Only mine fits."
"Yes, well, I can explain this," I said, hoping I could, but at that instant I saw Reid bending over in the woods to take off his underpants and that vision left me speechless.
He put his finger to my lips as if to tell me not to speak. He leaned and gently kissed my lips. It wasn't a production kiss or anything like that, but my grandfather never kissed me like that. It sent tiny little tingly shocks through me and I was aroused again, which wasn't all that unusual, but this time there was a reason.
"I'm glad you are able to get there without me right now. You don't need to explain anything to me, Dane. Anything you do is fine."
While we were that close together, I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him close, inhaling the smell I'd only recently discovered. There was no resistance and he was suddenly in my hands. The fact he needed a shave and smelled a bit stronger than his clothing revealed was fine by me.
This was it. We were finally going to do it. Even after two rides on the self-satisfaction pony, I was ready for him in a big way. Nothing was going to stop us this time and I let my hand slip down the arch of his back and into the back of his pants. He had both of his arms around me, holding me in what seemed like a death grip. It was hard to breathe but if this is what he liked, I was all for it. Squeeze me tight big fellow.
As I searched to get my hand inside of the back of his underwear, I felt his body shaking. I must be pretty good at this, was my first thought. With his face buried between my neck and shoulder an unmistakable sob came from him. The shaking persisted and increased as Reid cried uncontrollably for a long time. I fished my hand back out of his pants feeling a bit like a fool. He just let it all out as I held him close to me and fought back my own tears.
He was way bigger than me, wide wise, but it was no problem at all holding him, comforting him, doing everything I could to ease the terrible pain that had suddenly devoured him. He was suffering and all I could think about was getting into his pants. I wondered if there was any hope for me.
There we were, lying together as we had done the night before, but this time he fell asleep in my arms. I did not dare move for fear of waking him and he seemed exhausted and there was no explanation forthcoming, but it was okay. I wanted to be there for him and the idea of leaving left me completely that night. Reid needed me and I'd never been needed by anyone before. I wouldn't leave him.
I'd rather been a pain in everyone's ass most of my life, but it wasn't much of a life. I'd known my family and one or two social friends, but I'd never let anyone in on my secret. Had I not met Reid, I might not have ever told anyone that I was gay. Now, that was unthinkable, but a few weeks ago, it was my plan. I was going to be successful at business and play, but I was going to be alone. I'd always been alone and it was okay.
So, there I was, holding the boy of my dreams, my savior, the guy who had found me out, or rather, that I could not resist. I suppose that's how love should be if this was love, and if it wasn't, I never wanted to stumble onto it.. I'd never been so high or so low in such a short period of time as I was when I was around Reid. One word or touch from him could make me euphoric and another word could drop me like a rock. It had to mean something.
The phone woke me up. Reid rolled out of my arms in a mechanical motion, falling onto the other side of the bed, making one swipe at the phone as he came to rest on his face.
"What?" he said in a muffled yell.
He lay still, holding the receiver to his ear. I suppose he was listening to someone talking. He stayed like that after saying, "I'll be right there."
He lay there like he had gone back to sleep, but he hadn't. He pushed himself up, like he might do a pushup, looked at me with a half-smile.
"I've got to go out," he said, struggling to stand and put the phone away.
He stripped out of the clothes that looked like he had slept in them.
"Is there anything I can do, Reid?" I asked, now more concerned with what he felt than what I felt.
"Be here for me. That will help most right now. I might not be back for a while."
"I'll be here. Can I sleep in your bed?"
"Yes. Sure you can. You can sleep anywhere you want."
He passed through the shower in the big bathroom and dressed again but didn't shave. He put on a very nice pair of slacks and a great looking shirt and he took a charcoal gray suit out of his closet and laid it on the foot of the bed. There was a lovely delicate baby blue shirt on the wooden hanger inside the suit and a brilliant red silk tie was tied around the neck of the shirt.
Once he got back into his shoes, he picked up the suit by the hangar and came around to where I was still laying. He bent to kiss me. It was a soft easy kiss in passing, but it was the thought that counted. He still looked tired to me but I kept it to myself.
"I'll be late. Don't wait up. The numbers for food are on the fridge door. If you have any questions about anything, Martha's number is on the fridge door. She knows everything about everything."
Once again I was in an empty house. It was a different kind of empty this time. There was a major mystery in my midst and I didn't know what it was or what it meant. I would wait until he decided to tell me.
I had a long wait. He could have called me, but he didn't. I probably wouldn't have answered if he did. It wasn't my house and we hadn't discussed phone etiquette. If I got worried enough I'd answer, but the phone didn't ring and I was left to wonder, what's going on?
The truth is, I was afraid to ask. I wasn't afraid he wouldn't tell me if I asked. I was afraid of what he would tell me if I asked. If he was involved with someone else, and I was just a little piece he was keeping on the side, I wasn't that little, and Reid wasn't the kind of guy that I'd want only a piece of. I was on his side and I didn't want to know anything that would shake me off or disturb the feelings and emotions he had awakened in me. I'd wait a while and maybe he'd tell me what was going on. Then, if he didn't, I'd have to ask, but I'd still be afraid of the answer.
He was in the kitchen when I came down for something to eat Sunday night. He had his shirt and shoes off and he was drinking a beer. His stubble was becoming a beard, but not in a convincing way. It was out of character from what I knew about the immaculate Reid. He smiled weakly and leaned on his forearms once the beer was on the table.
"You okay?"
"Yeah, I'll be fine. I brought some Subway. I didn't know what you liked so I got a bunch of them."
"I'm easy," I admitted.
"Yes, you are. I've got the hot tub going. I really need a soak. Want to join me hot stuff? I know I haven't been very good company."
"Well, sense you put it that way, I can hardly say no, stud boy."
Reid smiled weakly and stood up from the chair, loosened his pants and he pushed everything to the floor. The urge to gasp was subdued by the shame that came to me from admiring his body. He might have needed a shave but he looked like a million bucks to me. He wasted no time going out to the hot tub. I followed him without taking off his underwear and T-shirt that I'd been wearing for two days. I watched his ass as he walked in front of me.
He was sitting in the hot tub with his head leaning back against the redwood decking as I stepped over the side and sat next to him way close. He eased his long arm around my shoulder but didn't look at me. I looked up at his face.
"Thanks," he said softly as the hot tub bubbled up around us.
"Thanks?"
"For being here. For putting up with this... me. You've helped make it easier for me. Just knowing you are here when I come home makes it all easier."
"You aren't hard to put up with," I said, putting my arm around his waist, feeling his thick chest and flat stomach as I leaned against him.
If he didn't stop me I was going for the gold, the gusto. I'd waited as long as I intended to wait. I'd drown myself trying to service him but service him I would, no matter the pain, I intended to lighten his load, even if only for a couple of minutes.
"Rand died this afternoon," he said, and my bubble burst as the bubbles boiled around us.
"Your friend?"
"Yes, my friend. He was a dear sweet man. He had suffered long enough. It's almost a relief."
"That's why you were... upset last night?"
"He was in a coma. The phone call last night was about him having organ failure. He was DNR. Do not resuscitate. It was just a matter of time once it started. It was peaceful. He didn't wake up. There's no more pain."
"I'm sorry," I said, taking my arm off his body.
My lust left me as I pondered his words.
"What do you want me to do?"
"You can put your arm back where it was," he said,
"Sure," I said, snuggling back against him as he tightened his grip on me.
"There will be a funeral, some loose ends need tidying," he advised.
"I'll go with you," I said.
"No, that's not necessary. It will be hard enough taking care of things."
"I want to. Won't his famliy do that?"
"I am his family. Rand didn't have anyone else. He didn't like many people. He hadn't seen his wife in years. He dealt with people concerning his work mostly."
"He must have had pretty good taste. He had sense enough to liked you."
"Oh, I don't know it had anything to do with taste. He was stuck with me. He saved my life. He saved me from myself and I never let him forget it."
"How?"
"It's a long story and I'm too tired to go into it tonight. Now that it's finally over, things will improve. I'll have more time but I had to be there for him."
"You must have been a good friend to him," I said.
"It wasn't hard. He was a good friend to me. He taught me the value of life. He taught me to be myself and not to compromise that by letting people shame or humiliate me into changing."
"How do you do that?" I asked.
"You make a stand," he said. "You let people know where you stand and you stand there. You take some hits but you can look yourself in the mirror each night and know who you are. It took a long time for me to know who I am."
"Do people really care? I don't know who I am and I don't think anyone cares."
"The ones that do will be cautious not to cross you and the others don't matter. They're just mouths that aren't connected to substance."
"He was a writer?"
"You remembered that," he said, seeming surprised.
"Sure. I remember everything that involves you."
He kissed my forehead and held me tight. I kept my hand above his waist, although my mind kept straying below the belt. He wasn't as emotional as he had been the night before. I imagined that he had let it all out by now. I was curious and I wanted to ask him questions, but it wasn't the time for that. He'd need a few days to bury his friend and then he'd explain things in his own time.
Reid took me to school Monday morning, but he wasn't dressed for class. He told me that Rand would be buried on Tuesday afternoon. I told him I was going with him. He started to object and then didn't.
"I don't have a suit, even at my mothers."
"There are some at the house that should almost fit you."
"No 28 inch waist?"
"We'll fix you up with suspenders and a belt to keep anyone from noticing the gap. You'll need to keep the coat buttoned is all."
"Fine," I said, wanting to give him no reason to deny me.
I went to class Tuesday and skated back to the house before ten. He had a suit laid out on the bed for me and I took a quick shower before dressing.
"Pretty snazzy looking," he said, when he came into his room. "I might not let you wear it after all."
"Why? Even the pants fit," I argued.
"Yeah, but as good as you look, someone might try to take you away from me."
"Right, I've managed to get through nineteen years without anyone taking me anywhere."
"That makes me feel a little better about taking you to a funeral as our first date. You really found a winner when you came home with me, kid."
"I'm not a kid. I'm a year younger than you, old man."
"You don't know how old I am. I've lived more in twenty years than most people do in a lifetime."
"That's a story I want to hear," I said hopefully.
"I'm not so sure you should. I've sucked a lot of cock in my time. It's not a pretty story. I wasn't always the nice wholesome lad you see before you today."
"Yeah, but it's your story and I want to know everything about you, especially about how Rand helped you."
"He helped me by teaching me, no matter how many cocks I sucked, love was never going to come out of one. He was convinced we were all in a search for love, but some of us never knew love as children, so, we don't know what we're looking for. It can swim up and bite us on te butt and we never notice."
"He sounds like a good friend."
"You didn't hear what I said about sucking cock?" Reid asked, holding my hand to distract me as he spoke.
"I heard you," I said, feeling suddenly warm as his eyes danced on me.
"That doesn't make you think twice about getting mixed up with me?"
"No. I figure you must have sucked them for a reason. I might be a little jealous. I haven't sucked one, so I guess, if we average it all out, we've both sucked the right amount to get us here, huh?"
"That's a pretty clever observation for a kid."
"I doubt that seriously," I said, helping him swing our arms.
Reid laughed and swung my arm as he stared at me with misty eyes. I wasn't sure if his eyes were misty over us or over Rand. I don't suppose it mattered as long as he kept holding my hand that way.
I was surprised that he had lightened up considerably since Saturday. He didn't seem nearly as upset as he had been before Rand died. Maybe I was helping him by being there for him.
We drove to Chamber's Funeral Home down off Route 1. There were only nine people counting Reid and I. I walked him up to the casket as he looked in at the elderly man. He was wearing a charcoal gray suit with a delicate baby blue shirt and a broad bright red silk tie. The picture had been shaping up inside my head for several days.
After standing for a respectable few moments, Reid took the gold ring off his pinky finger and clasped it in Rand's folded hands. He leaned into the coffin to kiss his forehead. He had tears in his eyes as he walked me to where we sat in the front row. The picture had developed.
There was to be no official ceremonies. People paid their respects and we walked out into the crisp spring air as they prepared Rand for transport. We were one of two cars that followed the hearse to Cedar Hill Cemetery, where Rand Walker was buried on a hill overlooking a small grove of trees that hid Suitland Road.
Almost too fast, we were in the car heading home.
"He was your lover?" I asked out of the blue.
"Uh huh," he said, looking at the road ahead for some detail to give me.
"Okay, Martha, it doesn't bother me. I want to know about him. I want to know about you. What did he write anyway?"
"I have his books at the house. I'll set them out for you. There were nine. Three sold well and the other six were from when he was struggling to find a niche."
"I can relate to struggling," I said.
"You've been a prince about all this. Giving me time to deal with it and not fussing with me."
"Look, I'm here because I care about you. Whatever you need is what I want to give you. I'm nineteen. If we live as long as Rand, I figure that gives us about fifty years to get acquainted. I'm in no hurry."
"Thanks," he said.
"I haven't done anything... yet."
"Yeah, you have. You could have made comments. You could have said something about Rand being old enough to be my grandfather."
"I figure you were with him for a reason. You seem intelligent. That's all I have to know, even if I am curious about the rest."
"He was my lover until he died. I use to run around. A lot. I wasn't a prince to him. I had a lot of guys I went out with. Rand never wanted to be lovers. I decided that's what I needed and he wouldn't put up with me running around once we sealed the deal. He'd never taken a lover before. He'd sucked a lot of cock, but our lives became about each other. I don't either of us expected it to last."
"How long?"
"Almost three years. I've known him for six."
"Since you were fourteen. He saved your life?"
"Yes, if he hadn't agreed to being lovers and had told me to take a hike, I might not be here. He wasn't a man that liked being crowded. Writers are strange that way. When they're in that zone, it's not a good idea to get in there with them. Some times it's down right dangerous, but he put up with me. He was incredibly patient with me."
"I'll take your word for it. He was at Winthrop House? I suppose that was your doing?"
"Yes, it was. When he got sick, he hated the hospital. I couldn't do what needed to be done after awhile. I took courses on nursing and I could inject him or see to it that he didn't get bed soars and that kind of thing, but he needed more help than I could give him. He wouldn't live in the house that my mother made so cold. I made arrangements for him to move his things, while he was in the hospital one time. I set his room up to be like his writing room at his house. He was blown away by that."
"I see. That was your interest in Winthrop House?"
"No, I work there. I have people I see every day. That's one of my pet projects. It started with Rand but there was a lot of times that I read to other clients and helped with care. The fat ass bureaucrat that was running the show for my mother was useless. He was never there, so, I made his absence permanent and official. One more reason my mother hates me."
"She let you do it?"
"No choice. I took the records to the board that supervises the house. They fired him. I put two doctors that were already on staff in charge of decision making and I brought in a student from school to keep the books and the orders straight. It saved a bundle of money for other things."
"You'll take me one time?"
"You've got school. You don't want to get involved up there."
"You've got school and I want to be involved where you're involved."
"Okay," he said, being agreeable to my request.
I went to my afternoon classes in a suit and tie. No one recognized me. I made no attempt to socialize with classmates. I never felt that I could trust anyone with my true identity and being superficial was a waste of time. I knew people and they knew me, but no one knew me.
Reid was waiting for me at the end of my day and we went to Ledo's for pizza. It was insanely noisy. He wanted pizza with mushrooms and I agreed, although sausage and pepperoni were my cup of tea. It was a zoo and we stayed long enough to eat while draining a pitcher of Coke.
"There's been something on my mind," I confessed as we headed up University Blvd going toward Route 1.
"Shoot," he said.
"Magruder Park. Why Magruder Park?"
"Another long story. My quest for love started there."
"You're going to dump me out again and go somewhere?"
"Nope," he said, putting his hand on mine and smiling.
"You said you were faithful to Rand."
"I was, after we became lovers. It's why we haven't.... Even though he hasn't been able to do anything for over a year, I would never betray him. He told me I should go ahead if I met someone."
"Back to the park. I've seen you there and you weren't reading. What's that about."
"Why do you pick that particular place to read?" Reid asked.
"Not fair," I protested.
"Ah, you want to delve into my quirks but yours are off limits?"
"Quirks? So you go there because of the people that go there?"
"Yeah, that's part of it."
"Was that being faithful? It doesn't seem like it was."
"I didn't go there with the intention of hooking up. Going there reminds me of certain truths about myself and it keeps me from wanting to do that sort of thing."
"So what's the attraction?" I asked.
"Part of it is being around it. Sometimes I see what I see and it is exciting. I can toy with the inhabitants without getting personal. People need certain things to enhance their fantasy life. I'm not beyond providing a jolt of lust as long as they don't touch me. Maybe I go to see if I still have it."
"Do you still have it? What do you think I'm all about? You like being desired is what you're telling me."
"That, too. It's about being around the hunt, the hunters. Seeing if anyone takes an interest in me."
"Oh, give me a break, you've so got it that I can't believe I'm with you. I can't put you in the park without putting you with the perverts there."
"And you?"
"I wish. I didn't have the stones to go back there. I wanted to. I skated through at about fifty miles an hour. I've watched people do stuff from a distance. You go there looking for something?"
"I'll tell you a little story. We use to skate there when I was a young teen. It was a cross between a joke and a dare. I had two pretty good buds and we'd go back there and wait until some dude started coming onto us, and we'd skate off laughing. I'm sure they went back alone at times and I did a few times, wanting to see what it was like. Wanting to be wanted by men; lots of men."
"I did everything but stop back there. I did once to watch," I said, remembering the first time I saw Reid.
"Later on, as I was getting older, I went there one time and I caught sight of this young dude back in the trees. He was younger than me. No one that age went in the trees except for one thing. The guys he was with were college age. The age we are now, but way old for him to be courting. There were two and I watched. There was a big blond, broad shouldered and muscular. The young guy is feeling his chest through his shirt, staring at it. A dark hair dude about the age of the big blond came up and ran his hands up under the young guys shirt. He flinched at first as the hands felt his hot flesh. As the one guy felt his body the blond felt his crotch, rubbing it hard as the young guy ran his hands up under the blond's shirt."
"In a couple of seconds the kids shirt is off and his pants are down on his calves. He stands frozen as they felt his body and then the blond puts his hands on the kid's shoulders and pushes him down on his knees. It startled me how fast they had him next to naked and on his knees in front of them. I was about to move in and interrupt them with enough noise that they'd leave him alone. Before I can move more than two steps forward, the kid has his hands on the front of the blond's pants. I can see his hands shaking as he tried to get to what was inside them. He couldn't get the zipper down and so the blond unzipped his own pants and he watched the kid bring out the stiff contents of his jeans. The kid leans forward and sucks him in. I stopped dead and no one noticed me moving. They were concentrating on their fun."
"The dark haired guy reached down to feel his ass and crotch, while he was sucking. The kids leaning into his work and it doesn't take long at all before the big blond's hand is holding him in place as he started fucking his mouth in quick stabs. His hips keep pushing forward, even after it's all over, he's still holding the kid on him for another minute or two. When released, the kid sat back on his heels and coughed from the surprise he wasn't expecting so fast. As quick as the blond zips up and turns to walk away, the dark haired boy unzips to reveal his own raging expectations."
"I was really anxious to rescue him and the leaves were crunching under my feet as I closed in on them."
The dark haired boy said, "Do you mind? It won't take long."
"The kid leans forward and was every bit as anxious to try it again. This time the dark haired guy held the sides of his face and stood almost motionless except his hips made short jerking motions at the hungry boy. It took a minute longer before he was emptying out his passion and just as quickly, he was ready to leave the scene.
"An old guy started closing in on the kneeling lad and this time I managed to make the interception. I told the kid to come with me. He grabbed his shirt and pulled up his pants, holding them shut as he followed me through the trees. I don't know what he thought we were doing, but I had to tell him to get dressed before we walked into the park."
"Wow!" I said. "I never had that kind of guts."
"Well, I couldn't leave him there like that. It was getting dark. He'd have been a sitting duck for the rest of the perverts."
"No, I mean to go back there and do that. I thought about it a hundred times. I wanted to. I've wanted to since I was twelve. I skated down there with Dennis and Chris but we didn't stop. I don't know if they ever went alone."
"So you wanted to but didn't?"
"Yeah, what happened anyway."
"Took the kid home and couldn't get rid of him. He wanted to stay with me. He's like in the eighth grade or something. He didn't have to be home. I don't remember why but he said he didn't. I let him stay the night and I wake up and he's doing me. I'm like this close to unloading."
"You, too?" I asked. "Two didn't satisfy him?"
"Yeah, I watched him do two guys and now he's on me. I don't know what he wants and that worried me."
"What did you do?"
"What do you think. I wake up three beats from an orgasm and this cute kid is gobbling me up. He was a quick study. Twice more that night I woke up with the same deal. He wouldn't stop and I knew I shouldn't let him but I'm horny all the time anyway, back then."
"You let him go ahead?"
"I let him go ahead but he went home the next day but kept coming back. It was always the same thing. Five minutes after he got in the door he was after it. Even I got enough after a while. I told him he needed to grow up and find a new hobby. I told him sex was important but there were other things in life that came before and after sex. He said he didn't think so."
"What happened?" I asked.
"We didn't see each other for a while. He'd show up and want it and I'd argue with him after a few days and he'd disappear again. He met a weight lifter through another kid in the park. A bunch of them worked out at his house, both in and out of the bedroom. The weightlifter got them to make movies and in general made them his boys. He told me about all kinds of deals like that. He gave me some pictures the guy took of him. He clipped them as souvenirs once it got old."
"You've got pictures of him?"
"Yep, I'll show you if you want. He doesn't care. You'd hardly recognize him from them now."
"Sure," I agreed. "So what was with the weight lifter deal? Did he tell you what that was about?"
"Sure, he told me everything."
"He's still around?"
"Oh, yeah. You'll meet him."
"I will?"
"I'm certain of it."
"I'll feel funny," I admitted.
"Why?"
"All the stuff you told me. I'd be worried he'd want to...."
"You just told me you wish you had his nerve."
"Then, all those years I was alone. I'm not alone any more."
"No, you aren't."
rumbustiousboy@yahoo.com