((This story will obviously break from reality at this point, but it is fiction - be aware that this story has no bearing on reality, any lawsuit against Lou Pearlman or Transcon either a current one or any future action. No harm is meant.))
It was a tentative start to what had at best been a rocky friendship but Nick and Sully seemed to get on well. They shared a living space as best they could given the fact that neither was used to co-habiting with someone that was not sharing everything with them. For Nick it was a chance to see what college would have been like had he gone. Although Sully was probably cleaner than a roommate and the house was slightly larger than being in a halls of residence. Still, it gave them a chance to get to know each other better and that was what Nick had wanted. The pair were fast becoming close friends.
Alex had seen Sully once since their reunion, just a brief visit to discuss the tour, and things were still strenuous between them. Nick supposed that it was to be expected given the strain of their split and the amount of time that had passed since that time. They had grown as people, had grown apart, and now they were trying to find where they stood with each other. There was bound to be some faltering steps before they found their feet, so to speak.
For the most part the the largest concern Nick had was the upcoming tour, they had postponed it because of AJ's need to go into rehab, now they were due back out there and he didn't want the stress of the tour to affect AJ's health. There was a secret meeting at Jive that day to discuss just that.
"You okay?" Sully asked as he looked up from his TV viewing to see a nervous Nick pacing the room. "You do know that you'll wear a hole in that if you're not careful," he joked to lighten the mood.
"Ha Ha." Nick glared. Still, it worked because he stopped mid pace to glare. "I just have a meeting that I don't really want to go to."
"You want me to phone your boss and tell him you're sick?" Sully asked with a faint smile.
Nick didn't laugh.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Sully asked concernedly.
"It's Alex." Nick said with a sigh. "I'm worried that the tour will push him to the limit again, maybe over the edge."
"You just need someone to make sure that he rests up and doesn't party too hard." Sully said. "Won't he have his buddy with him or something?"
Sully knew that there was something about going to a certain number of AA meetings and that you had a monitor, but he didn't know a lot more than that. Just that Alex was attending meetings daily until he felt safe again.
"There is a guy on the crew, someone that's been dry for a long while now." Nick explained. "He came to us when Alex admitted his problem to say that he would help anyway he could."
"Does Alex know him?" Sully asked curiously.
Sully knew Alex, or at least he had done, and he was pretty sure that whatever the reason was his friend was not so good around strangers.
"Yeah. Chris is one of the lighting crew. He and AJ were buddies on the tour, they played cards and stuff together." Nick said.
Sully wondered if that was enough. Maybe given the circumstances it would have to be. It was not as if they could take just anyone on tour with them and Alex wouldn't want a stranger there. Maybe this guy, this Chris, was for the best.
"I'm sure Alex will be fine." Sully said to Nick, trying to comfort him. "He's a tough cookie, he always has been. You go to the meeting and you tell them that."
"And that's the official word of Alexander Sullivan, Expert on AJ McLean, is it?" Nick asked sarcastically.
"No, it's a voice of experience." Sully said seriously. "I know that he can face a hell of a lot and that he has recovered from worse than this."
There was a faraway look in Sully's eyes and Nick didn't want to ask. Maybe if they were better friends he would have done, but it sounded as if this was a secret that Sully was not ready to share. And if it was a secret about Alex then Nick could understand why.
"Anyway, you had better go." Sully said as he came out of whatever thought he had been lost in. "Or else you'll be late for your meeting."
"Thanks." Nick said as he looked at his watch.
Sully thought that he was probably being thanked for more than the reminder of the time. Nick certainly seemed calmer now.
"That's okay." Sully replied. "You're welcome."
And he meant for more than Nick's thanks for the time prompt.
Sully sighed as he watched Nick retreat out of the house and to whatever meeting he had. He needed to sort out his own emotions and head before he dealt with Alex's but he also had to be here. They had spent too much time apart.
Maybe it was time to get another opinion on his predicament.
Sully stood decisively and grabbed his shoes. Willing himself to put them on before he lost the nerve.
Maybe it was time to go home.
AJ knew that something was up when he called Kevin's house and Kristen answered. That in itself was not strange, she did live there too after all, but it was the fact that she was defensive and wouldn't tell him where Kevin was. When Leighann gave him the same answer Alex began to worry that something was wrong.
AJ knew that it would be a while before anyone trusted him again, he had broken the brotherhood of Backstreet by hurting one of their own, not only that but he had not gone to them with his pain and had kept it to himself. They knew that he had lied about his drinking and lied about having a problem so now that he was back they were probably organising things without him. It hurt to have people lie to him though.
Alex wondered about brooding over this, his counseller said that it was important to get any ill feelings out in the open but he wasn't sure that he had the guts to tell them that. At least not yet.
He felt an urge to have a drink. His palms were itching for something to do and he could feel the voice in his head telling him that just one shot wouldn't hurt, it would calm him down and give him the courage to face the other boys. Thankfully AJ had expected this, he knew that there was going to be setbacks in his recovery and he had skills at his advantage to get over this without turning back to the bottle.
Alex was supposed to find one person that he could trust with his problem, someone that he could call at night or could go to if he felt the need to urge. He knew that the AA would help him get a sponsor and they had already talked to him at his first few meetings. But thanks to his hectic lifestyle he had discussed with his counsellor about having someone that was just there for him. Someone that could be with him on tour, or wherever he was and that could help him out when he needed it. They had discussed it not being one of the band because they were too close to him, Alex did not feel comfortable burdening them with this as well as what he had already put them through. That left him with one question. If not Backstreet, then who?
Nick frowned. This meeting was not going as he had expected. The Jive personnel and those from the Firm were worried that Alex would have a relapse. They were already talking about the amount of money and time that they had lost from his trip to rehab and not once did one of them think to ask if he was alright. Nick wondered what was going on, in public they were supportive but behind the scenes there was a little less diplomacy and tact and the gloves were off.
"We'll make sure that there is someone with him." Kevin assured. "We'll get him whatever help he needs, or his counsellors say he needs."
"He's our friend and brother. Of course we'll be there for him." Brian added, making it sound less business and more personal. Nick liked that. Frick was always watching out for others.
"Nick, you're very quiet. Do you have anything to add at this point?" One of the Jive bosses said.
He wondered why it was they even asked, it was not as if they would even really listen to what he said. He was about to fob them off with a muttered response, the type they expected from him, when Sully's words came to mind.
"Alex will do fine. He knows that people will be watching him but he's goten help and I think he'll get back on track. He's a fighter." Nick said.
No one seemed to have a response to that but Howie, who had long been Alex's best friend in the band, smiled at Nick and acted as if he had finally forgiven him for a little of his behaviour when Alex had gone into rehab. Nick supposed that he should be thankful for such small favours.
As the meeting droned on with other matters Nick let his mind wander. It was only when he heard a commotion of chairs moving and papers being gathered together that he realised that the meeting was over. It had been shorter than he had thought, either that or his mind had wandered further than he thought.
"Nick, Can I get a ride?" Howie called after Nick.
Howie lived in a different direction, favouring Miami to actually living in Orlando, but Nick paused anyway. He turned and looked expectantly at his friend. Howie looked slightly away.
"Actually, I just want a word." Howie self corrected. "I just..."
"You want to go for a coffee?" Nick asked. "Or come back to my place?"
"Sure. Your place is good." Howie said with a smile. "I wanted to say that I spoke to Alex earlier, he sounded happier than he has in a long time. He said that you'd been by."
"Yeah." Nick answered. "I should have gone earlier."
"No." Howie said firmly, surprising Nick with his adamance. "You found Sully. You thought that it was helping and I think that in a way it did."
"I had to make things right." Nick said with a shrug. It was part of what he had to do, he had explained it to Sully and to Ben.
The thoughts of the other man jarred Nick slightly. He had not thought that he would think of the guy he had been with just once and yet Ben had entered his thoughts again.
"Nicky?" Howie asked, calling Nick out of his daydream.
Nick shook his head to clear his mind of the images of a half naked young man and those leather pants and realised that they were at his car.
"Sorry. I got lost in my thoughts." Nick apologised.
"Good ones I hope." Howie teased.
"Yeah." Nick said, his expression a little dreamy.
Howie wondered if AJ wasn't the only one that was happier since AJ's return from rehab. He hoped that Nick was happy. The young man had his fair share of heartbreaks and problems and it would be a nice change to see someone other than Kevin or Brian with that well loved look on their face.
Sully had wandered around his old neighbourhood for almost an hour, just thinking things over in his head. He wanted more than anything to go and see his mother but he didn't know what to say. How do you explain that you had to leave everything you knew behind for a contract that wasn't worth the paper that it was printed on? Or that some old man had scared him away for over five years over one tiny kiss?
When Sully sought the words to explain his actions it seemed so petty that he could not begin to imagine what someone faced with such excuses would say. He had been scared, he had not known what to do and he had run. "A coward runs." He could hear the words that would have come from his father's mouth. Sully waited a moment, seeing the playground where he and Alex had played as boys, he was going to take the coward's way out again. At least on this one thing.
Maybe he would face Alex instead. That would certainly be easier than facing his Mom.
Being in Orlando Sully realised that he could drive again, not that he had a car. In New York he had not wanted to risk his licence being traced, or his car ownership being recognised. While he was with Drew his lover had driven anywhere that they needed to go and after that he had not really gone out a lot. Sully wondered, as he waited for a cab, if it would be a good idea to get back in the saddle, so to speak. It would certainly beat waiting for a taxi.
AJ's house was unfamiliar territory to Sully, thankfully the cab driver seemed to know where he was going and passed no comment on the type of neighbourhood that they had come to or the one that they were headed into. Sully was sure to give the guy a big tip. He used the silence of the journey to think over what he wanted to say, he wasn't going to throw all of his emotions out into the open immediately but he would at least see how his friend was.
When Sully got to Alex's house he was surprised that the door was not opened immediately. Instead after waiting a few minutes he was confronted with a very frustrated Alex who looked on edge.
"Oh, it's you." AJ said distractedly.
AJ was still trying to think about something else other than the feeling inside that was making him want a drink. Sully being there was not helping, if anything it would make him more uneasy.
"Hey." Sully said, a soft smile playing on his lips. "Don't be like that." Sully tried to pout but he looked too ridiculous to be taken seriously.
Alex tried not to smile, but it wasn't working. He remembered how bad at telling jokes his friend had been, some things obviously didn't change.
"Come in." Alex said. "Excuse the mess. I was cleaning."
Sully took in the scattered papers and wondered what it was that Alex had been doing, it certainly wasn't cleaning. He saw the unopened bottle of whisky on the table and knew immediately that something was wrong.
"I wasn't going to drink it." AJ immediately defended when he saw Sully's line of sight move to the bottle of Jack. It was true, he hadn't touched it yet and while he had been faceing a battle of wills to stop himself from drinking it he was winning at the moment.
"I didn't think that you would." Sully replied. "But I do think that it is a little too much temptation for you to have around."
"I can't..." AJ tried, but failed to voice his concerns.
He couldn't get rid of it. While he still had it there at his side he could use it if things got really bad, but if he still had it then Sully was right. Eventually he could easily lose ground and go back, ruining his hard fought for freedom in one sip.
"Well, how about you tidy up a little in here while I deal with this?" Sully said, not waiting for a response before taking the bottle into the Kitchen and, AJ assumed, emptying it down the sink.
When he heard the clunk of a bottle in the bin he knew that he had been correct.
Alex stopped trying to second guess what his friend was doing and instead organised, or rather reorganised, the papers that were spread around the room. He had tried to read them but had thrown them in a fit when he could not concentrate. Now they lay unread but neatly stacked on the table in front of him.
AJ took a seat on the sofa and was still there a few minutes later when Sully came in and took a seat next to him. AJ tensed a little, not having expected this type of proximity with his former lover, but relaxed when he realised that Sully was not about to do anything. In some ways Alex was a little disappointed.
"So..." Sully started after a moment. "Do you want to tell me where you got the bottle of alcohol? Are there any more in the house that I need to get rid of?"
"No." AJ replied, feeling a little chastised by the questions but glad that it was this man and not one of the band that had found him. "I got it from the store last night, just in case, I didn't think that I would need it, I just wanted it."
"Did you call your counsellor, or your sponsor?" Sully asked softly. "I know that they can help you on this stuff."
"I couldn't." AJ replied. "I mean, I didn't know what to say."
"Well, you talked to me okay. Told me what was wrong. Do you want to call someone now? Or for me to call someone?" Sully asked, careful not to push Alex too hard but trying to get him to tell whoever it was that was responsible for helping him that there was still a problem.
"No." Alex replied. The response was a little too quick for Sully's liking but he did not voice those opinions. "I don't want to anymore, at least not as much. I just need to get my head together for a minute."
Sully didn't do anything, didn't speak or move and Alex took a few faltering breaths before continuing with a few deeper ones.
"Are you okay?" Sully asked, allowing a tentative hand to brush AJ's arm after he had been silent for some time.
A simple nod of his head was Alex's response and it was then that Sully realised that his friend was crying. The faltering breaths had been suppressed sobs.
"Oh Alex..." Sully said as he pulled Alex close. After a moment AJ buried his head into Sully's shoulder. Allowing th hug but still fighting the tears. "What's wrong?" Sully felt obligated to ask.
"It's so hard." AJ replied, still desperate to maintain his composure and not give in to the emotion that was pulsing through him.
"It's okay, let it all out..." Sully replied as he stroked Alex's hair and tried to comfort him. "Cry it out, you'll feel better."
Alex finally gave in after a few more whispered words from Sully, through wracks of sobs and a long crying jag he held his friend.
Alex finally quieted after he had cried out all of the tears that he could for the day, but still Sully held him. If it had not been for Alex's misery he might have enjoyed the feeling of the other man in his arms but for now Sully knew that his feelings would take second fiddle to whatever else Alex needed. Right now he needed his friends and that was what Sully would be.
"I'm sorry." Alex said softly into Sully's shoulder once the tears were cleared up enough that he could talk.
"Don't worry, there is nothing to be sorry about." Sully replied. "We all have to cry sometimes. Besides, I'd rather you snotted all over me than bottling it up. Nex time you get stressed out come to one of us and let us know."
"They won't understand." AJ tried.
"I did." Sully retorted.
"Yeah, but you won't be on tour with us. You don't know what it is like. They won't have time to be with me and they shouldn't have to. I should be strong enough to watch myself." Alex responded, there was a clear note of self-depracation to his voice too.
"If I thought that you needed me there I would come with you." Sully said. "But you don't..."
"What if I said that I wanted you there?" Alex asked, Sully could not help but hear the underlying overtures that the statement was making. He chose to ignore them and instead smiled softly.
"If you can clear it with your record company then I'll come with you." Sully said. "I'll be the official friend of the band on this tour."
AJ laughed, but he was already feeling a little better knowing that there was someone on the tour just for him. Okay, so Sully was building a friendship with Nick and knew Howie from a while ago but really he was there for AJ. For some inexplicable reason that simple fact made him happy.
Suddenly the tour did not seem as daunting as it had. All he had to do was okay this with management and then he would be free and Sully would finally be able to see what it was that he did.
The record company were surprisingly accommodating with AJ's request to add Sully to the tour. He was not going to be working and he would room with AJ or Nick so they really saw it as just another set of eyes to watch over their wayward star. If nothing else it would given them someone to be there when no one else could and if they could keep AJ happy then he was more likely to stay with them and more importantly stay on the straight and narrow. At least that was the theory.
Sully had a lot to organise, he had sorted out cover for the bar for a period of time but he had not expected it to be too long, at least he had thought that he could check in every now and then, but being on the road would make that more difficult. As well getting the manager to take on more responsibilities he had to trust the man with Drew's legacy to him. Maybe it was a sign that he was moving on that it did not hurt so much to think of it as that anymore, that the bar was a place that made him money and not some posthumous message from his lover to tell him just how much he loved him.
The thought hit Sully as he was making phone calls to try and find someone that would be around for any problems. He loved Drew, he always would, but suddenly it did not hurt as much to think of his former lover. There was a dull ache of loss in his heart but a greater part of his heart felt more alive now that Alex was in his life.
Sully knew that they may never be more than friends but that was what he wanted and his heart was glad just to have Alex back in his life.
"You nearly done with the packing?" Nick asked as he poked his head around the door.
He had a pile of what appeared to be video games in his hand and Sully assumed that the youngest Backstreet Boy was the one that was in charge of bringing the games. Either that or Nick was organising a second hand sale of used computer goods because he certainly had enough in his hands.
"I'm packed, I just need to work out some business and then I'll be done." Sully replied. Nick looked at the one single suitcase that Sully had and raised an eyebrown.
"Is that all you're taking?" Nick asked in disbelief.
"Nick, that's everything that I brought down from New York with me. There isn't anything else that I needed although I have my carry on with a few other things in it." Sully defended.
"You'll have to go shopping when we're on tour." Nick said. Then his face lit up. "I could go with you, or better yet you could take Alex with you. I swear that boy was born to shop."
"Well, I wasn't. Contrary to popular belief not all gay men are great at shopping, and I have enough clothes to get by." Sully replied. "I don't have to have a different outfit for every day and a fresh one for each night."
"Are you saying I do?" Nick asked self conciously.
"Do you?" Sully retorted.
Nick huffed and retreated to his own room. Sully laughed softly to himself as he waited for Steve Fatone to answer. Maybe there was someone in New York that he could trust with the club. He knew that he would be too busy with the tour to worry about his club but if it was in good hands then he would not be worried and Steve had good hands.
To Be continued...
Note: I've been having problems with my computer lately, so if this is not updated for a week or so you'll know why...I'm trying to update when I can...
Thanks for reading so far.
Jez