Disclaimers: This is fiction. None of this is true. I don't know any of the people mentioned herein and AJ is happily married as far as I know.
While Alex and Sully discussed the simple parts of life, on another bus behind their's in the convoy Nick and Howie were settling in too. Nick had barely boarded the bus before Howie was on him, not physically of course because Howie was the least confrontational person that you would meet, but verbally.
"I hope you know what you are doing Nicky." Howie said as he sorted through some of his bag and took out a few things he wanted for the trip. "This is a very tricky path that you are building and I am not too sure if you know where it will lead."
"What do you mean?" Nick asked, his head hurting from the metaphors that Howie was using.
"I mean Sully."
"What about him?" Nick asked.
At the same time Nick tensed as he wondered if Howie shared Kevin's view of his new friend but had not expressed it. The tour would be hard if none of them wanted Sully there.
"I mean what happens if he and Alex have a falling out?" Howie asked. "What if Alex goes off the rails again and he has a relapse?"
"That won't happen. AJ is stronger than that." Nick replied unwaveringly.
"No Nick, he was stronger than that once. But going into rehab was like ripping off the old wounds, he needs time for them to heal." Howie said. "You don't know what it was like for him, you weren't there."
Nick's face clouded as he heard the words, wondering if he would ever live this down. Alex had forgiven him but it appeared that the others had not.
"This is what this is about isn't it?" Nick accused. "You just want this to go wrong so that you can prove that I shouldn't have brought Sully back here. You're just trying to get me to prove you right."
"Nick, one day you'll realise that not everything in this world revolves around you." Howie said. "I'm worried about Alex and Sully. They both went through hell after their first separation, I don't know if they can do that again."
"What do you mean?" Nick asked. "AJ hardly noticed that Sully was gone. I don't remember him getting upset at all."
"Oh grow up Nick. You're not a kid anymore." Howie said madly. "Alex was heartbroken. Do you really think that the sunglasses were just a part of the image? He didn't have them in Europe."
"I didn't know, I mean..."
"Yeah, well, I guess that is the problem isn't it?" Howie interupted angrily. "You never think."
Before Nick could answer him Howie had gone to the back of the bus and locked himself in. Nick would not follow. Howie very rarely blew up but when he did it was better to just let it lie. As Nick finished with his bags and settled on to his bunk he thought over what Howie had said and let the tears fall.
No one really understood how hard all of this had been on him. No one had cared about his tears back then. Brian had tried but he was just a tired little boy that missed his family, that was what it was always written down as. No one thought that Nick had lost someone too. Sure he and Sully had not been friends, they barely even known each other, but he had a crush. Having that ripped from him at such an early age had made Nick feel cheated somehow. Instead of nurturing dreams of a happy life or the safe daydreams of holding hands and kissing Nick had experienced none of that and none of what it meant to be a 'normal' kid growing up.
Nick had always wondered what it would have been like if Sully had stayed, or if he could have gone to Alex to tell him that he was gay too. Instead Nick had held the secret in until Kevin had caught Nick with another man in his room.
Nick hadn't been with a man in a long while, instead he had chosen to remain celibate but he was becoming more and more isolated from his friends. After Brian and Kevin had married he had found himself spending more time alone. Of course it had nurtured his writing and his guitar playing but was that enough?
Sometimes being a Backstreet Boy was a very lonely place to be in and there were times when he wondered if he had any friends at all. Like now, when he wanted to call someone to pour out his heart and he realised that there was no one to phone. Sully would either hate him for this or be too busy with Alex to care and there was no one else. Nick hadn't even had a decent conversation since he sat in the bar with Ben.
Nick reached into his bag, sorting out his diary and flipped through it impulsively, the thought had made him think of something that he had not thought before.
There, just as it had been preserved all those years ago was the card that one Ben Maloney had left on his bedside after their first and only fuck. Nick hadn't tried the number, by the time they had been back in New York he had not wanted to sleep with anyone. Nick had been in the process of re-evaluating his life and the last thing that he needed was the man that had kick started that revolution in his bed again. Now though, Nick wondered if the number would still work.
Before Nick realised what he was doing he had dialled the number instinctively on his cell and was waiting for the phone to ring. He wasn't really sure what to expect.
"Hello?" A voice answered, it was a deep male voice but it was not Ben. Nick knew the other man well enough to recognise his voice.
"Hi. I was wondering if I could speak with Ben Maloney..." Nick said.
"BEN!!!" The voice called. "He's just coming." It told Nick. "Can I ask who's calling?"
"It's Nick." Nick replied.
In the background he could hear voices, listening to Ben tell the other man that he didn't know anyone called Nick made his heart fall, he had thought that Ben might remember who he was. Just as he was about to hang up and go back to moping Ben came on the phone.
"Hello?" He asked dubiously.
"Hi Ben it's..."
"Carter, is that you?" Ben asked. The voice in the background said that he thought it was Nick, but Ben shushed them. "Well, dang boy. I didn't expect a booty call from you."
"I just called to talk." Nick said, his voice more hollow than he had meant it to be.
"You want to have phone sex?" Ben asked sarcastically. "You can't be that desperate for a date."
"No." Nick replied earnestly. "I just wanted to talk. You know, the weather, sports, music, what you did today...just talk..."
"Oh." Ben said, sounding as if he was more surprised than disappointed. "Okay."
"Did I call at a bad time?" Nick asked, wondering if that was why Ben sounded so different.
"No. Now is good. So, what are you doing?" Ben asked as he got comfortable and opened a conversation.
As Nick began to talk about the non-essential things in his life he felt himself relaxing. Just listening to Ben and making small talk. After a little while he wondered if maybe he did have one friend in the world after all. And by the time that they had hung up he was sure that if he hadn't before that he had one now. After all Ben had agreed to call the next day to tell Nick about a party he was going to and Nick was going to tell him about the tour. Wasn't that what friends did?
While Nick was on the phone Howie was feeling guilty. He remembered that it was hard for Nick to get over Alex in rehab and that in some ways it was there fault for protecting him so much, but sometimes it rubbed on his last nerve that Nick could not take a hint.
Howie was worried that Alex and Sully were not getting on, or worse that they would get on a little too well and that this too would lead to disaster when there was a problem with their relationship. Surely Nick knew how vulnerable Alex was right now. Nick had seen him since rehab even if he had not seen him in that place.
Part of Howie wanted to call his best friend on the other bus, what was supposed to be his bus, and see if things were okay. But what could he do if they weren't. Alex knew where they were if he needed them and they had to let go sometime. They had to trust him eventually and Howie was convinced that sooner rather than later was the best way to go. At least that way Alex would get used to his real world again.
Still, it didn't make Howie feel any better.
As soon as Nick woke up he would apologise and then he would wait until the next stop to talk to Alex, maybe he could even speak with Nick in the mean time and see if he could get him to have a word with Sully. Maybe instead of alienating Nick he could use his friendship with Sully to their advantage. If nothing else they would be able to deal with both sides.
Howie wasn't going to start on the issue of Kevin and Brian until he had the others sorted out. The cousins' objections to Sully being with them could wait until Alex was settled. First things first, he would speak with Nick.
The conversation finally tapered as the sun began to set. Alex let out a yawn as Sully told him of New York and the club that he ran, conveniently missing out the fact that he had inherited it from his lover.
"Oh...excuse me." Alex said as he tried to cover the yawn.
"I'm sorry that I am boring you." Sully said with an amused smile. Alex smiled in return. It was easy for the two of them to be comfortable together and that in itself was reason to be happy.
"Maybe we should get some coffee at the next rest stop." Alex suggested playfully. "I'll need to stay awake if you keep talking about stocks and bonds or long term business plans. Don't you know what an accountant is for?"
"Hey, I have an accountant." Sully responded. "I just know what he does with my money, unlike you."
Alex just laughed. He was sure that Sully's indignation was real and that just made it even funnier.
"What?" Sully asked. "What's funny?"
"I never saw you as someone with an accountant. You were always going to save the world on your lunch break. It's just funny that's all." Alex said.
He remembered picturing Sully as a teacher or an outreach worker, helping people get on the straight and narrow, not running a club that was probably contributing to the delinquency of minors. It probably helped people like him get access to alcohol.
"Alex. I never wanted to save the world. I just wanted to make it a better place." Sully said. "Maybe I don't do it as well as you, I can't have a children's charity or sponsor some huge event but I'm not a capitalist either."
"I'm sorry." AJ said solemnly. "I didn't mean..." He paused when he saw that Sully was smiling, the bastard had been joking with him all along.
As AJ was about to retort something rude about Sully's parentage the bus veered to the side and they came off of whatever road they were on. Alex still wasn't sure where they were headed but he was glad that they were well on their way and he didn't only mean that with the journey on the bus. It referrred to the journey that he and Sully were taking together too.
Nick got off at the bus stop in order to use the bathroom. Of course there was a toilet on the bus but unless it was avoidable they preferred to use a proper restroom, that way there was less chance of getting lumbered with a tourbus that smelled like a fertiliser factory.
Nick also knew that he had a mission. Howie had eventually come to apologise for their quarrel and had told Nick some of his concerns. Nick was still smiling from talking to Ben again and from the revelation that he had a potential friend outside the group so he had forgiven Howie and listened.
Nick wasn't sure about the plan but he knew that Howie had been right. Sully and Alex were in a volatile place and there was one rule in the Backstreet book that you did not break and that was not letting stuff affect your work. Nick wasn't sure that AJ could break this one again and they needed to be careful. If Sully and Alex were aware that this could affect the rest of the boys if they had another argument then they might be more cautious and that would be a good thing.
Nothing else could ruin this tour or the band would have to rethink their careers. The fans might not take yet another postponement well especially if it was over one of the band's ex-boyfriends.
"Hey Nick. You coming in for a meal?" AJ asked as he climbed down off the bus that he shared with Sully. "I need some good red meat and some decent food."
"Don't get too comfortable, we're only stopping for thirty minutes." A stern voice told them. It was the only words that Kevin spoke before he too headed off to wherever he was going.
"I'll come with you." Howie said quickly. "I wanted to talk anyway."
"Well, I guess I'll catch up with my roommate then." Sully said as he nodded to Nick and indicated that he would wait outside for him. "You boys go off and have fun."
"You sure?" Alex asked Sully. Howie was wondering if he was too late and if they were together but there was only concern between the other two and not lust. That had to be a good thing.
"Yeah. " Sully replied. "You have a whole day with me, go spend some more time with your boys."
Alex nodded and waited a moment for Howie before heading inside.
The plan had started, Nick thought, now all he had to do was talk to Sully about keeping it cool with AJ. Somehow he thought it sounded easier than it would be.
Howie waited until they were inside and seated with plates in front of them before he started. He knew AJ well enough to know that the other man was always more amiable after he had been fed.
"So, how are you and Sully getting on?" Howie asked conversationally.
AJ looked up from his burger and fries and frowned.
"What do you mean?" AJ responded, his mouth still full of something.
"God." Howie said as he rolled his eyes at the display. "I mean how are you getting on. It's kind of sudden for you to ask him on tour and he hasn't been back that long."
"It's okay." AJ said.
Howie raised an eyebrow, as if willing Alex to go on and his friend watched him for a moment.
"I haven't fucked him yet if that is what you're implying." AJ said, timing it so that Howie had just reached for a sip of his drink as he spoke the words.
When Howie choked, soda coming out of his nose and his eyes watering, Alex knew that it had worked.
"Alex..." Howie protested as he coughed and wheezed.
"What?" AJ feigned innocently. "That was what you were implying."
"I wasn't I just..." Howie paused. That was exactly what he had been implying he had just hoped that he was being more subtle than he had been. "Okay, I'm just worried about you Bone."
"Don't be." AJ responded. "There is nothing to worry about. We're both adults and even if anything did happen, which it won't, I know how to be careful."
"It's not that I'm worried about." Howie responded. "I know that you're careful with your health but you're not always so careful with your heart. If you give it away again I am worried that this time we'll lose Alex for good."
"I can't give him my heart." AJ responded to Howie seriously.
"I know that you think that now but..." Howie began, thinking that AJ was saying that he was not ready for a relationship. AJ held up his hand.
"It's not that D, I know that it will be hard to build a relationship now but that is not why I can't give him my heart." Alex replied. "I can't give him my heart because it is already his."
To be continued...
And I promise that Sully and Alex will be back together soon :)