Set Adrift

Title: Set Adrift Author: Jezebel the Temptress Feedback: eh_oh_po@yahoo.com

Disclaimers: This story is fiction and it is not intended to imply anything about the true sexuality of the celebrities mentioned or any personal knowledge about their private lives. If you are underage for your area or if it is illegal for you to look at this why not go somewhere else, if you don't like the thought of two men together in a loving, sexual way this isn't for you either.

Now on with the story.

Four am is perhaps the oddest time in the day to get up, it's too late for partying and too early for breakfast and going back to sleep at that time is almost pointless. And yet here they were, at 4 am trying to manouver their way off of the three main buses and into the hotel where they were due to check in.

Kevin and Brian seemed rested and chirpy, causing Sully to wonder if the good Southern boys had hit the hay straight away and slept until they pulled in. Howie too seemed rested and ready for the day. AJ, Ben, Sully and Nick were a little worse for wear.

The check in was good but there were obvious grumbles when Kevin insisted that they be up for a communal breakfast in his quarters at by 7.

Three hours. Not enough time to get any good sleep but sleep was calling them all. Of course by the time they had sorted out room assignments and key cards to the main suite there was more like two and a half hours left.

"Here." Sully said to the dishevelled Ben who was standing meekly in the centre of the room feeling lost and confused. "Take these and use my room. It's not as if I'll be needing it."

"Are you sure?" Ben asked. "I'm pretty sure that I could share with Nick."

"And ruin your love life?" Sully joked. "It's fine. I'll be in with Alex anyway."

Ben nodded and gratefully accepted the key to Sully's room. At least this way he would get some privacy and peace. He still had to work out how he was supposed to approach Sully and Alex and he knew that he would have to do it soon. Drew's messages were important and he had promised to deliver them, no matter what.

"Come on, we might get a few hours sleep at this rate." Alex said as he tugged on Sully's arm, pulling his lover away from Ben and towards his room. "I thought maybe we could..." but the rest was lost in giggles from both Alex and Sully.

At least someone was happy Nick thought as he watched Ben retreat into his own space. Nick had hoped that they were making progress, he knew that it was going to be a long journey but he didn't have Kevin's patience when it came to such things. After that one gentle kiss Nick was hungry for more and he was upset that he would not be living in such close proximity to Ben over the next few days as he had hoped.

Still, at least Ben was here. That was something that he could build on. And maybe he could work on Alex and Sully too, they would definitely be able to advise him on how to make a move on Ben. Nick corrected that mentally as he realised that Sully was the only man that AJ had been with, Sully would help him.

Nick didn't want to dwell on his realisation that he hadn't seen AJ with another guy. That was something that didn't need exploring and he had other thoughts on his mind. Like just how soft those lips had felt as they touched his.

Sully woke up with an immense feeling of peace flowing through him, as if he had had a good night's sleep and not just the few disturbed hours that he actually had. Checking his watch Sully knew that it was nearly time for them to be up but he wanted at least a little time to just revel in his happy moment.

Alex lay next to him, completely sound asleep and as Sully watched his lover sleep he could see that all of the pain and torment of their every day lives seeped away in sleep and he looked almost as angelic as the man that Sully had left behind five years ago.

Just as he was about to wake Alex the phone rang with their morning wake up call and instinctively Alex reached over and knocked it off the hook so that it would stop its incessant ringing.

AJ groaned at the fact that he was waking up and Sully watched as his sleeping angel turned into a morning grouch. He smiled at that. Watching as AJ tried desperately to burrow under the duvet for just five more minutes.

"Uh uh." Sully said. "Time to get your cute butt out of bed."

"S'not cute." Alex said into his pillow.

Sully laughed this time and pulled AJ from his slumber, leaning over and kissing his shoulder before grabbing the corner of the duvet and throwing it off them and onto the floor on his own side of the bed. AJ reacted, sitting up immediately and blinking at the violence and speed of the act.

"Morning." Sully singsonged in a far too happy voice for this early in the morning as he went out to the bathroom.

AJ watched the retreating figure and shook his head, partly in disbelief that Sully was now in his bed and partly to clear the recesses of his sleep addled mind. Once he was fully awake he had to fight the urge to follow Sully into the shower. They were taking things slowly and he respected that but seeing who he wanted so close and not being able to touch him was infuriating. He just hoped what they said about the act being better the longer you waited was true, and not just something that parents told kids about some toy that they couldn't afford that month.

While Sully was in the shower Alex fell back onto the bed and rested, not wanting to go back to sleep, but doing so anyway. There was something about a still warm bed and sheets with Sully's scent on them that was alluring to Alexand called him into sleep.

When Sully re-entered the room he found Alex asleep again and threw a wet towel in his friend's direction as he finished drying himself and begant to get dressed.

AJ woke to a cold wet towel smacking his face and he jumped from the bed thinking it was one of Nick's juvenile attacks. When he saw a naked Sully crouched on the floor and digging into his case he smiled, taking the towel that he had cast aside and taking a breath, revelling in the scent of a wet, clean and straight from the shower Sully.

He made his own way to the bathroom still clutching the towel and went in for his own shower. When he came from dealing with his morning erection Alex still had the scent from Sully's towel in his nostrils and he hoped that this was just a small taste of things to come.

After finishing his usual routine AJ left the bathroom and found the still semi-naked Sully now looking through AJ's case.

"Did you lose something?" He asked as he watched in amusement at his friend rooting through AJ's clothes to find something to wear.

"Yeah, any clean clothes." Sully answered, having lost some of the chirpiness of that morning.

"I did wonder why you only had one bag." Alex replied. "We should be about the same size though so if you need anything..."

"Yeah, but you don't seem to own anything that is relatively sane. What is with these net shirts and butchered tees anyway?" Sully asked. "Can't you just dress like a regular, normal person?"

Alex went over, opening his second suitcase and within a moment had a dark blue T- shirt with only a small Nike logo on it. He handed this to Sully and didn't speak up.

"I am normal." AJ said, his voice low and pained.

Sully looked back at him and was reminded of just how fragile his friend was. He had forgotten that AJ was just a few months out of rehab and still on the road to recovery. They had been having some good days and that had made him forget, or maybe it was just the part of him that wanted them to have a normal relationship that made him forget. Either way he should have realised that somethings were still going to cause problems.

"No, you're not." Sully said as he put aside his scrounged clothes and went to Alex who now sat on the bed. "You're way too beautiful to be normal." Sully said. "And far too talented."

"Why can't I just be normal?" Alex asked softly.

"Because you're special." Sully answered, placing a soft kiss on each cheek and tasting the salty water of tears that had fallen. "Because I would only love a special guy like you. I don't just love anyone."

"I love you too." AJ said as he hugged Sully tightly, taking comfort in the embrace.

Only after a minute spent reveling in the feel of each other did they finally pull apart and Alex went to get dressed.

Sully realised that there was still a long way to go.

"You should go shopping this morning while we're working." AJ suggested to Sully. "You could maybe take Ben with you. I'm pretty sure Nick won't get any work done unless he's free from distraction."

Sully tried not to show how he felt for Ben, there wasn't really any part of him that wanted to spend time with the other man, but he supposed that if Nick got his way and Ben did end up playing a more significant role in his life then they would have to get to know each other better. Maybe in time they would grow to be friends. There were certainly two large parts of his life that he could share with Ben that he would not be able to share with others. One was Drew and the other was the Backstreet Boys; that in itself would give them something in common.

"Yeah, I guess." Sully said, trying not to commit himself to anything concrete until he had a chance to talk with Ben. "I need some new clothes and I need to get these laundered."

"Wardrobe do most of ours." AJ said. "I'll ask them to pick up an extra load."

"They won't mind?" Sully asked. AJ smiled.

"If I don't tell them then they'll just think it's mine. Although they might wonder when I switched to having such pedestrian tastes."

Sully laughed at that. AJ was forgiving him for his unkind comments by returning with his own and Sully was sure that the matter was dealt with. At least in this part of their life there was no significant drama, that was saved for the other areas.

It was 7 am and time for breakfast, so they went out to Kevin's suite and waited for the others.

Ben knew that the sooner he got the talk with Sully out of the way the better. The longer he left it the more difficult it would be to explain why he had kept these letters for so long, especially as Drew had been dead for months now.

As he left for breakfast that morning he made sure that he had the letters in his back pocket and that he was ready to give them to the relevant people later that day.

Breakfast was familial, it reminded Ben of the type of gatherings that one might have after a house party, a large number of people grouped in one room and eating and talking amongst themselves. It was the only time that Ben ever really ate breakfast - other than his usual fare of a large black coffee that was.

The fact that everyone was talking as a group though did not give him the oppurtunity that he had hoped for so that he could approach Sully and Alex. He was glad therefore when Sully approached him although he didn't know why the man that had hated him only weeks before was now being friendly.

"Hi." Sully said as he moved closer and took a seat next to Ben.

"Hi." Ben responded.

Nick looked over, worried that there was something wrong, but Ben waved it off. Alex didn't seem too worried and that hopefully meant that it was not an argument that they were going to have. So Ben decided that he didn't need back up either.

"I was wondering if you wanted to go out today..." Sully suggested. "I need to get some more clothes, and get some more books or something to fill my days. I thought that you might want to come while the boys are doing their every day routine of interviews and photoshoots."

"You don't go with them?" Ben asked, he was a little surprised that AJ didn't want his boyfriend with him every part of the day, wasn't that what people that were in love were supposed to want?

"No." Sully said. "It'd be a little strange if I suddenly appeared with them and Alex isn't exactly out..."

"Obviously." Ben replied with a roll of his eyes. He wasn't stupid enough to believe that, he had fucked Nick Carter after all and he had known that was secret, why would AJ be any different?

"So, do you want to come...I mean go..." Sully corrected himself with a blush before Ben could comment on the faux pas.

"Sure." Ben said. "It could be fun to shop in some old man stores..."

Sully was about to retort with a comeback when he realised that Ben was joking, but it did give him an idea for something that they could do. When the plan began to hatch in his mind Sully smiled wickedly.

"Actually, I wouldn't mind your advice on something for Alex..." Sully said.

"Shouldn't you consult him about what he wears?" Ben asked innocently.

"It's not for him to wear..." Sully replied lewdly.

Ben realised what it was that Sully meant. He smiled. Yes indeed, this could be very fun, maybe he had underestimated Sully and maybe he would get a chance to speak to the other man while they were out. It would given him a chance to give Sully the letter from Drew and perhaps discuss the one for Alex.

"Are you okay?" Nick asked, having finished his own breakfast and wanting to know what it was that the two men were talking about. The last thing that Nick wanted was for Sully to tell Ben that Nick had feelings for him.

"We're fine. Just planning our day without you." Sully answered.

"We're thinking of starting a support group, abandoned friends of the Backstreet Boys." Ben joked.

Nick's face fell.

"We're talking about going shopping." Sully clarified.

"Oh. Okay." Nick responded. Then he turned to Ben. "So, have you run out of skin tight black denim and lace up leather pants or are you just going to browse?" He asked with a slight leer.

"No." Ben deadpanned. "It's Sully we're buying the leather pants for."

Nick's choking on a sip of coffee that had suddenly gone down the wrong way drew the attention of the rest of the room and ceased conversation, but at least it had given everyone the comic relief that would be needed. Especially for Sully and Ben who had a lot tougher things than shopping on the schedule for that day.

The mall that the girl on the reception desk had suggested was impressive. It was large enough to have all of the regular stores like JC Penney's but there were also a number of exclusive boutiques and specialist shops which were interesting to look in.

Sully had not been joking when he said he needed new clothes and had raided one of the men's clothing stores for three pairs of jeans, six t-shirts of varying colours and a good set of slacks and a smart shirt. Through Ben's nagging he had also ended up with a black and silver brushed cotton jumper that he was sure he would never wear.

They were half way around the mall when Ben suggested coffee in a little bistro to one side of the mall entrance. Sully was pleased with the excuse to rest his feet and put down his heavy bags, he didn't expect what was coming.

"I have to be honest with you." Ben said.

Sully tilted his head to one side to indicate that he was listening and then nodded for Ben to continue.

"I didn't only come out here to see Nick." Ben said calmly. "I also came out here because I wanted to speak to you and I had something for you."

At this point Ben reached into his pocket and pulled out one of the two letters that he had been entrusted with from Drew. He slid the envelope across to Sully and then reached his hand back.

Sully looked down at the envelope and went pale. He reached out to touch it reverently, as if testing whether or not it was real, but almost as soon as he had touched it he pulled his hand back as if it had been burned. The handwriting was too familiar and the connotations of it were too much for him to work through.

"Is this some kind of sick joke?" He asked, suddenly angry that Ben would do something like this. He knew that the other man had no real feelings for people but he had not thought that he would do something this hurtful. Not even Ben Maloney could hate him this much, could he?

"Let me explain." Ben urged as he tried to calm Sully down.

He had known that this was going to be stressful but he had not wanted it to be harmful.

"Okay. Tell me why you would do such a thing." Sully spat out.

"I didn't." Ben said. "Drew called me into his hospital room one day, and asked me to hold onto this, and a few other letters for other people." Ben said this and then thought of the one that sat in his pocket, first things first, he had to deal with Sully. "Drew told me that if I ever saw you get into another relationship with a guy that I should give that to you and that you would know what to do, he said that it would explain a few things that you might need to know, or tell you something that you needed to hear."

"Drew gave this to you?" Sully asked, his voice laced with disbelief as he tried to decide if he believed this or not.

"Drew said that I should tell you that it was the end of Chapter Three and the Beginning of Chapter Four." Ben said. "He said that you would know what it meant."

Sully's intake of breath as he spoke the words told Ben that Drew had been right and the tears that subsequently fell told Ben that Sully believed him.

Sully could hardly believe what he was hearing, no one could have known those words except for Drew. They had spoken once about Sully's life story, it had been after he had told Drew about Nick and Alex and his life in Orlando, but before the couple had quit sharing a room. Drew had asked him about his life and Sully broke it down into three parts, his childhood was chapter one, the introduction to his life; Alex was chapter 2, and that ended with the debacle of the kiss with Nick and Lou catching them; then he had moved to New York with the hopes of studying and met Drew. At the time he had told him that the rest was still yet to be written and Drew had told him that he looked forward to them writing it together. Of course then Drew had gotten ill but he still was a large part of Sully's life. He always would be. Sully wondered what it was that the letter said.

"Go ahead." Ben said. "Open it."

Sully waited still not sure of what to do.

"Do you want me to go?" Ben asked, sensing that this was something that Sully might need to do alone. But Sully's hand stilled on his arm as Ben tried to stand, gently tugging his sleeve so that Ben knew to stay in his seat.

"Stay." Sully said, his voice raw with emotion as he comtemplated the letter.

So Ben stayed, a moment later Sully took the letter in both hands and gently slid a finger under the flap of the envelope. It took a moment but soon it was open and the envelope looked as if it had never been sealed, Sully slid out the letter and something else that fell out besides.

Sully unfolded the letter and silently began to read as Ben took the time to just study his reactions, he would know how well it was taken just from the expressive face, even if he would never know what the letter said.

My Darling Alexander,

If you are reading this then at least part of my wish for you is coming true and you have found someone else to love, or perhaps my prayers were answered and you are with the man that you always did love, either way I am glad that you are moving on.

I hope that you are not grieving too much, try to remember the happiness of life rather than the sad moments, I fear there were more of the latter in my last months but I hope that we had a good share of the former as well.

I loved you with all my heart but I do not wish you to spend the rest of your life waiting for me, Death is the one place that I cannot return from, and I do not wish for you to spend your life alone. Your heart is too large and your soul too generous for you to never share that warmth with someone.

Know that I will always love you and that you are always in my heart, but do not hold anything of yourself back if you can help it and allow someone else to witness the light of your love.

I am sorry that I am not with you to write the rest of your life story, but I hope that you have now found someone else to finish the story with, I am happy just to have been a supporting character in your life.

Loving you always,

Drew.

Sully put down the letter, aware that the tears were now falling freely. He slid it back into it's envelope as if by doing so he could shield himself from the impact of the words and then sat back and cried for the man that he had loved and lost. After a few moments the tears began to subside and he felt a paper napkin pushed into his hand by Ben.

"Thank you." Sully said as he dried his eyes. "Thank you." He repeated for emphasis.

"Drew was a great guy." Ben said. "It was the least I could do for him...and for you."

Sully finished drying his eyes and nodded to Ben, who seemed uncomfortable with the whole emotional event even though he had tears in the corners of his own eyes.

"So, are we shopping?" Ben asked after another moment's silence. "We still have a pair of leather pants to buy for you and I really should check out that sex shop that we saw on the way in."

"Planning on getting lucky?" Sully joked, although his mind was on Nick and what the youngest Backstreet Boy would think of Ben's statement. It wouldn't hurt to do a little digging, Sully thought.

"We're in a big city, lots of men, I figure that I should share my expertise with at least one of them." Ben said. "We wouldn't want to deprive them of the Maloney magic." He leered.

Sully rolled his eyes, but really his mind was on what Nick would think and how he would react if Ben brought another man back to the hotel. Somehow Sully could almost see himself picking up the pieces he just hoped that Nick wasn't too shattered by it.

He guessed that he would have to wait and see.

As the day wore on the other Backstreet Boys watched as Nick grew more and more restless and more and more testy. There had been a time before Alex went into rehab when they thought that Nick might need the same, but he seemed to have straightened himself out and gotten over whatever it was that was worrying him.

Brian was pretty sure that getting Sully and Alex back together and righting what Nick saw as his wrong had helped a lot. But now Ben was in the picture and Nick was acting up again. It was only the threat that Kevin would ban Nick from going out that night if they were late in that was keeping Nick there and working. If they made a scene it would only mean more work to clear it up.

Thankfully by the end of the day of interviews and local press they were running on time and would be back at the hotel for seven thirty at the latest.

There was still plenty of time to go out and eat, maybe go to a club afterwards.

Otherwise Brian wasn't sure if Nick would survive the fallout. They weren't sure that Ben was staying long and he only hoped that it was long enough for Nick to act on his feelings or get this out of his system, otherwise it would be a lot more unbearable to finish the tour.

They found Ben in the corridor talking with one of the security guards and they looked as if they were pouring over a map. Nick's foul mood shifted as soon as he saw his friend and to anyone that was paying close enough attention it was clear that Nick had a crush on Ben. Ben however seemed oblivious to it.

"Where's Sully?" Alex asked concernedly when he saw that Ben was in the hall but that Sully was nowhere to be seen. They were supposed to spend the day together and Alex was worried that his friend was not having fun on tour.

"Uh uh..."Ben tutted. "Sully is in my room getting ready to go out. I'm discussing where it is safe for us to go with Brent and Mac." He continued, referring to two of their security team.

"We're supposed to be going to the opening of that new club 'Liberty'" Kevin said sharply. "The tickets are booked."

"And Ben here brought up the point that there will be a lot of people and press there." Mac, their local security chief, told him. "We think it would be better to keep it low key given that you have 'guests'."

Kevin frowned, he should have thought of that. It was his job to think of that. Ben, who he had been distrustful of before this, had gone up a few points in his estimation on this alone. The boy was certainly working hard to make an impression.

"Okay. Well, whatever you decide." Kevin said without argument. "We'll meet you back here at 8.30."

Howie grumbled under his breath that this wouldn't be enough time to do his hair but Kevin ignored him. He headed off to his own room and expected that the others would do the same. The others did disband, each heading to their own rooms to get ready and soon only Nick remained with Ben.

"If Sully is in your room then where are you getting ready?" Nick asked.

Ben turned and raised an eyebrow as if questioning Nick.

"Are you saying I don't look ready?" Ben challenged.

Nick stuttered out half an apology before he realised that Ben had been playing with him and that he was not actually being serious.

"I'm going back in there to change with Sully. I promised him that I wouldn't look." Ben smirked.

"Did you really buy him leather trousers?" Nick asked, not sure if he could believe anything that Ben said. Especially not when it was about something that seemed so unlikely.

"I guess you'll have to wait and see." Ben said, heading towards his room and knocking once.

Nick watched as Ben squeezed through the tiny gap in the door that Sully had allowed and then hurriedly made his way to his own room. If Sully was wearing leather and Ben was too then Nick knew that he too needed an outfit that would make an impact. Especially if he was going to impress the wandering eye of Ben Maloney. And he was pretty sure that somewhere in his suitcase was the perfect choice, the problem was that he had less than an hour to find it.

It was eight thirty on the dot and Nick, Kevin, Brian and Howie were ready and waiting for the others to come out of their rooms. All were dressed accordingly for a night of clubbing. Kevin and Brian in relatively conservative shirts and slacks, although Kevin's was open a little more than Brian's at the top and showed a slight tuft of chest hair there. Howie was wearing tight, black denim jeans with a button down shirt over the top and Nick, dressed the most prominently had on blue jeans and a tight t-shirt that showed his muscles.

When Alex came out of his room, he was dressed rather conservatively for his usual fare. The jeans were similar to Howie's, tight and black with only one subtle difference and that was the belt that he wore on them, he wore a plain black shirt that had small flecks of silver weaved in with the black and underneath he wore a plain white wifebeater. From experience the others knew that this was because Alex liked to dance when they went out and his shirt was the first casualty to his exhausting and energetic dancing, usually it was cast aside half way through the night so that he could cool down.

"What's the hold up?" Nick asked, checking his watch for a third time and showing all of them just how nervous he was.

"I don't know." Alex said honestly. "But it must be Ben that is taking the time, Sully never takes this long to get ready."

"Let's see." Kevin said. He crossed the corridor and banged on the door, giving three short, sharp raps. "Guys, you nearly ready?" he asked.

"I'm not going." A voice called.

"Ignore him. We're coming out now." A second put in.

Alex was a little worried as to why Sully wouldn't want to go out. When the door opened and Ben came out he wondered if being around Ben was making Sully feel uncomfortable.

Ben was wearing jeans that were more patches than actual jeans and a pale blue t-shirt that was so tight you could almost see his nipples through it, not that Nick was complaining. He also had a leather jacket slung over one shoulder although AJ wasn't sure that he would wear it.

Then he heard a gasp from Nick and AJ's glance shifted and landed on Sully. When he saw his friend there was an audible gasp from him too. He didn't know what had happened but he wanted to get rid of this pod person and get back his normal Sully. It must be a crime for anyone to let someone that fine out in leather.

"I knew it, I look like a total idiot." Sully said. "You guys go on, I have to stay here and hide my shame."

"You look gorgeous." Ben said. "Doesn't he guys?"

Kevin was about to say that he was not qualified to judge when Nick let out a low whistle.

"Man, you're hot." Nick said.

Alex felt the tension build in his chest. Deep down he knew that Nick was no threat to him but he couldn't stop his subconcious mind hearing that. He wanted to trust Sully but there was something in him that said others shouldn't see this. Maybe he needed to remind Sully just whose boyfriend he was.

AJ advanced forward, slow and deliberate as he pushed Sully back against the door. Sully gulped but gave in, not wanting to feel the fear that was building in him because of the storm that was brewing across Alex's face.

"You look beautiful, baby." Alex said as he pushed Sully fully against the door.

He pushed one thigh between Sully's legs and made certain that their groins were pushed together as he leaned in for a forceful kiss. Sully was surprised and shocked and turned on by it all. Finally the kiss broke and Sully could feel Alex's hand gently caressing his ass.

"You're beautiful and sexy and you're all mine." Alex said.

"I told you we should have gone with the collar as well." Ben said with a small smile. Alex growled, pulling Sully down for one final kiss before letting go and taking his hand.

"Are you ready to go now?" Kevin asked sarcastically.

Alex smiled and nodded, leading the way down the corridor with he and Sully still hand in hand.

"They do know that they can't do that outside, right?" Kevin asked, still a little bitter about the fact that they were here and together at all. He accepted that Alex was gay but Kevin's mind was on business and this type of scandal could ruin their careers if it ever got out. He had to think about that first, because at the end of the day no one else would.

"Yeah. They know." Howie said.

"Can't you just let them be happy?" Nick asked.

Kevin guessed that inside the hotel, in a secure area that yes, he could let them be happy. He supposed that it was the least he could do for the fact that they could never express that love outside the walls of Backstreet. He had never really thought until that moment just how hard it would be to be gay and in a boyband.

"As long as they know." Kevin relented.

"Oh they do." Ben said. "Sully is more aware of it than you'll ever know."

And with that cryptic response he moved forward so that he was waiting with AJ and Sully at the elevators. He leaned in close and whispered something to Sully, low enough that it appeared only the two of them could hear. Sully nodded to whatever it was that Ben had said, pulled AJ close, whispered something to his lover and then dropped hands.

Neither of them seemed too annoyed with it.

Kevin, Nick, Brian and Howie were all surprised and wondered what it was that they had missed, Nick especially wondered when it was that Ben and Sully had become such close friends.

AJ watched the others as they neared the club, at the back of his mind he was wondering when one of them would give him the lecture about not drinking, despite Sully's earlier teasing he was tense and wondering how he would get through this. He wanted a cigarette but he knew that they hated him smoking on tour because it messed with his voice, he just felt as if he needed something to get him through this. It was ironic, once it was alcohol that had been his crutch and now he needed a crutch to get over the alcohol. They had warned him at AA about replacing one addiction with another and he could see now how easily that could be.

"Are you okay?" Sully asked him, nudging Alex's knee with his own in a friendly manner.

Ben had told them that they needed to tone it down a little and Alex had agreed when Sully promised him a surprised later if he was good. Now all he wanted was to forget about the club and go somewhere else. Once upon a time he had loved going out dancing, but now it was surrounded by all of the hang ups of drinking and his addictions. Maybe it was too soon.

"We're here..." The driver announced.

He guessed that the decision had been taken out of his hand.

They pulled up outside the club, it was difficult not to be noticed in the large people carrier, but they hoped that there weren't too many girls that would recognise them. Alex climbed out after Kevin had and took a deep breath. It felt better to be here than he had thought. The music called to him as it had always done and he could feel it in his bones, if he could avoid the bar he might be okay, although he would need to take it one step at a time.

"You ready to party?" Ben asked to no one in particular.

It was clear that he was in his natural habitat now too and all vestiges of responsibility and caution had slipped away. This was the Ben that Nick recognised from that night when they had first fucked, a carefree party animal that lived to have fun. It wasn't this Ben that he wanted but all were different faces of the man that he had come to love and he supposed that he would have to take the good with the bad.

It was obvious that someone had recognised them because one of the doormen came out to meet them and take them into the club.

"You want to dance a bit first?" Sully asked as he walked in, close enough behind Alex that he could put his hands on the hips in front of him and for it to just be perceived as him getting close to speak over the loud music.

AJ nodded, breathing in the sights and smells of the party atmosphere that he had missed from his life since going into rehab. He knew that he was tempting fate by being here but he supposed it was a step in self control. He had admitted that he had a problem, sought help for that problem and now it was time to move on with his life. Maybe this was one of those tests that life hands you that you know you have to get past.

Sully pulled him towards the dance floor, signalling to the others that was where they were going. Ben followed and then Howie joined them, leaving Kevin, Brian and Nick to find a table and get settled.

The four boys took up residence in one corner of the dance floor and were soon enjoying themselves, not caring that some of the girls close by were moving closer or that some were whispering about how that really looked like AJ and Howie from the Backstreet Boys. They were there to have fun and that was what they were doing.

At least they were having fun.

Nick sat at the table that they had picked out in the VIP section nursing a beer and trying hard not to feel sorry for himself. He had thought that this would be a good night, a chance for he and Ben to spend some time together and maybe get to know each other a little better. The previous night on the bus had been perfect, he had thought that there was hope for them and then they had disappeared onto the dance floor and nearly and hour later they were still there.

A few girls had gotten up the guts to dance closer to them and currently Ben was dancing with a good looking blonde girl that reminded Nick of a bustier Britney Spears. She was hanging all over Ben and Nick felt jealous, even though he knew that Ben would not go home with the girl it made him aware that he and Ben were not together and it made him wonder if they ever would be.

"You okay Nicky?" Brian asked, taking a few moments out of his conversation with his cousin in order to check on his best friend.

"Yeah. Do you want another drink?" Nick asked, realising that his own glass was still half full. He drank down what was left and then stood to leave.

"No thanks, we're fine." Kevin said, answering for them both. Nick shrugged and then made his way out of their booth.

"I'm going down to dance for a bit." He said before leaving them.

Brian let his gaze follow Nick for a moment and then turned back to his conversation with Kevin, it looked as if Nick was okay and had his new friends to play with. They would look after him, Brian was sure of that.

As Nick made his way onto the dance floor the song changed to something fast and he was surprised to see the busty blonde that Ben had been dancing with hand him what looked like a card with her number on and then walk away. She really looked as if she was there for the night.

"Hey." Ben called over the music, putting a hand out and beckoning Nick to him. Nick moved forward and stopped only when he was close enough to Ben that they didn't have to shout over the music.

"She looked happy." Nick said, nodding his head sideways towards the blonde.

Ben shrugged, he leaned forward to speak to Nick and Nick felt a shiver build inside him.

"She gave me her number." Ben said with a smile as he reached around and slid the card with her number on into Nick's back pocket. "You might have more use for it than me."

Nick didn't return Ben's smile. He pulled back a little and began to move to the music, he saw a brunette come over and whisper something to Ben. Ben's eyebrows rose and then he shook his head. The brunette walked away and seemed a little annoyed.

A moment later a redheaded girl approached them and danced close to Nick, rubbing her back along his body. Ben moved forward a little and she pulled him close with a lecherous grin. A moment later the redhead was between Nick and Ben, grinding and gyrating against them as they too moved with her. Ben seemed lost in the music but Nick wasn't that lucky and his only thought was that he really wished that the redhead was not in the way.

They danced for two songs before Nick saw the brunette approach again. He stiffened a little and then moved behind Ben, Ben was still lost in the rhythm and didn't really mind the man behind him, Nick minded though. The redhead was one thing, because she was with them and she wasn't likely to capture Ben's attention, but this man had been turned down once and was still coming onto Ben.

Nick saw red. Marching over to the man he tapped him on the shoulder and forcibly pushed him as he turned. Ben felt the nudge as the guy stumbled and turned to see what it was that was going on. Nick watched as Ben's face went from enjoying the music to horror at the fact that Nick had pushed the brunette. Ben offered the guy a hand and the guy took it, careful to glare at Nick as he did so.

"Ben, I thought..." Nick began.

"Not now Nick." Ben said angrily.

He ran his hands down the shirt of the guy that Nick had pushed and Nick stormed off the dance floor. He was angry and hurt that his so called friend would chose a stranger over him. He loved Ben, had wanted to protect him, and this was how he was repaid. It certainly told him just how little Ben cared.

By the time Nick got to the door of the club hot tears were prickling in his eyes and threatening to fall but he didn't want to give the other man the satisfaction of making him cry. One of the things he remembered his Dad saying to him as a boy was never let them see your tears - he hoped that he could hold up long enough to make that happen now.

Elsewhere on the dance floor Sully and Alex had seen the commotion, Sully tensed when he saw Nick push the other guy and AJ had been equally worried. When they watched Nick storm out Sully looked on after him and paused a moment before taking AJ's hand and leading him to one side.

"Someone needs to go after Nick." Sully said urgently. AJ could feel the fun draining out of his evening as the words were spoken. "I should probably explain a few things to him."

"Okay." AJ said, wondering if he could bum a cigarette off someone and fighting the urge to listen to the small voice in his head that told him he could use a drink. "You want me to come with you?" He asked, assuming that Sully was going after Nick.

"Could you try talking to Ben?" Sully asked him. AJ didn't answer. "Look, whether we like it or not Nick loves that man and I don't think he even knows it. Nick isn't going to tell him but maybe someone else should."

"We shouldn't interfere." AJ said.

"And where would we be if Nick hadn't interfered?" Sully asked.

The question hung between them for a moment, reminding them both just how much they really owed Nick and what he had done for them. AJ gave a curt nod in response and then headed for Ben.

Sully gave the table where Brian and Kevin sat engrossed in conversation a quick glance and then headed to the door. They had lost sight of Howie at some point but that was the last of Sully's problems. Right now he needed to find Nick and get this end of the disagreement sorted out. He also prayed that AJ would have some luck with Ben. Either way this issue would have to be resolved soon, for everyone's sake.

Nick stood outside in the cold night air waiting for the taxi that he had asked the doorman to call for him. He knew that he could call the hotel and ask them to send the car but then people might question why he was returning early. The last time they had done that it had ended up on the front page of one of the papers and that was the last thing that he needed right now.

The frigid air almost froze the tears on his face but Nick was not going to acknowledge the few that had managed to escape. No one could see that he was crying and he felt that if he wiped away those that had fallen the others would follow and then he might never stop crying.

He was so lost in thought that he jumped when he felt a hand fall on his shoulder and grasp him. He turned quickly and saw Sully, who had a look of both concern and regret on his face.

"I'm sorry." Sully said. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"You know?" Nick asked flatly. This was met only with a slight nod of the head. "Great." Nick said sarcastically. "The whole world knows that I'm a loser."

"Not a loser Nicky." Sully said. "He doesn't know what he is missing by turning you down. If anyone is a loser it's him."

"You don't know him like I do though." Nick countered.

"Oh, I think I do." Sully said. Nick was about to protest but Sully silenced him with a finger pressed to Nick's nearly blue lips. "This isn't a conversation for out here but you'd be surprised what I do know about Ben, and what I didn't know I think I learned earlier today."

Nick nodded against the finger still pressed to his lips and only then did Sully drop his hand. They stood in silence for a few minutes and then the cab that Nick had called came.

"You don't have to babysit me." Nick argued as Sully moved to get into the other side of the car. "Why don't you go back inside and stay with Alex?"

"And leave you to mope on your own?" Sully asked knowingly. "Not a chance. Besides, I meant it when I said I knew Ben better than you might think and there is something that we need to discuss."

"What?" Nick asked confusedly.

Sully paused to give the driver the address of the hotel and then turned to Nick.

"Well, for one thing, that guy in the club isn't who you seemed to think. He's an old friend of Ben's, or at least he was what Ben would have once called a friend."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Nick asked.

"It means that he fucked him already." Sully said, wishing that there was a less crude way of putting it. "And we both know that Ben doesn't visit the same honeypot twice."

Nick looked down, defeated and lost and Sully realised what he had just said. He had forgotten that Nick and Ben had been intimate, he made sure that he wouldn't forget again.

Meanwhile AJ was talking with Ben.

He had made his way across the dance floor quickly, pushing through the throng of sweaty bodies until he found Ben, the other man was kissing the brunette on the cheek. AJ stopped him with a solid hand on Ben's chest as he pushed him away.

The brunette frowned but Ben didn't. Calmly he took AJ's hand in his own and removed it from his body.

"Outside." Ben said curtly. Pointing AJ in the direction of a small terrace that was part of the appeal of this club. Slowly and silently they made their way out there and into the cool night in order to talk. AJ had a few words for Ben but he wasn't expecting Ben to have a few in return.

"Are you okay?" AJ asked Ben once they found a private enough area to speak. The terrace wasn't particularly crowded in the cool evening air and it was quiet enough that they could speak in hushed tones.

"Are you asking for Nick's sake or for Sully's?" Ben asked.

"Well, Sully sent me out here." Alex replied. "But we're both worried about Nick. We saw the two of you arguing."

"It's nothing." Ben said. "Nick and I just had a falling out over some guy. I think he was a little worried that I was cruising, I know that he has to be careful about that stuff and that it seeps over to those that you are with." Ben replied.

"That's all you think it is?" AJ asked incredulously. "You think that he was annoyed because you're open about your sexuality?"

"Yeah." Ben said. "What else would it be?"

"You broke his heart in there." Alex said. "He really thought that you might actually be interested in more than warming your dick in his ass. But I guess I was right when I thought that you weren't good enough for Nick."

Ben was speechless.

AJ felt guilty. He hadn't meant to be so harsh, he had never really thought that Ben was not good enough for Nick, the two seemed to get on well, at least from the little that he had seen but he was angry and wanted to let that anger out.

"I'm sorry." Alex tried after a moment's silence. "I shouldn't have said that."

"Nick isn't in love with me?" Ben asked humourlessly.

AJ didn't speak.

"So he is in love with me?" Ben asked to clarify.

This time AJ nodded in response but still said nothing.

"Fuck." Ben exclaimed before kicking the wall that they had been standing next to. "Fuck. Fuck. FUCK!!!"

"Look, you don't have to let this affect anything." AJ said hastily. It had obviously been a bad idea to tell Ben how Nick felt. He hoped that his younger friend would not kill him completely for ruining his life. "You and Nick can still be friends."

"No." Ben said. "I don't think we can."

And then he turned on his heel and walked away, quickly moving through the club and leaving a bewildered Alex alone on the terrace.

AJ's first thought was that he had fucked up, his second thought was that he needed a drink. Thankfully his third thought was to get back to the hotel and try and warn Sully before Ben got there. As he saw the retreating figure walking out of the club he knew that he would have to hurry, otherwise they could really do a lot of damage.

When Sully and Nick had arrived at the hotel Nick had gone straight in and up in the elevator. He had ignored the small group of fans that stopped him in the lobby, just pushing past them to get to his room,, and he had walked straight past the reception where one of the receptionists had called that he had messages.

Sully ignored everyone too and headed up after Nick.

They got to the floor a few moments apart, and Sully called after Nick, stopping him in his tracks as Nick tried to get into his room. If it hadn't been for the keycard being the wrong way up Sully may not have caught up with him.

"I'm sorry." Sully said. "I didn't mean what I said back there, about Ben."

"But you did, didn't you?" Nick said and he sounded more defeated than anything else. "Ben doesn't do the same guy twice and you think that I am deluding myself into thinking that he would come back for seconds. I know that he doesn't normally but I just thought..."

"Nick, you are something special." Sully said softly.

"You didn't think so a few years ago." Nick retorted. "You thought that I was just some dumb kid. You didn't care enough that you were my first kiss or that I had a crush on you."

Sully felt the words as if they were knives that cut through him. The truth was that he hadn't thought that Nick was special, in fact he had held the younger man in contempt for a large part of his life, at least until Nick had come to find him in New York. This man had changed his life and still he was ruining Nick's.

"You were special, I just didn't see it." Sully replied softly. "I guess that Ben can't see it either."

"Yeah, I guess not." Nick said bitterly. He opened his door then, Sully made to follow him but Nick shook his head. "Go and find Alex." Nick said. "At least you get to be happy."

"I wish you could be too Nick, and you will be one day."

But Nick didn't respond to that, the words were cold comfort and all he needed right now was a bottle of whisky and a pen to add tonight onto his growing list of regrets. There was no way to undo tonight but with enough time and alcohol he was sure that he could forget it.

Nick was three shots into the half litre bottle when the pounding started, it was not in his heart however but on his door. Strong, hard thumps in no particular rhythm. He stood, wavering a little as he tried to regain his balance, and made his way to the door. However when the voice joined the cacophony of bangs he froze.

"Nick. Nick. Open the door it's me. It's Ben."

Nick wasn't sure that he wanted to speak with Ben right now. He wanted to forget Ben existed, that was what he had been trying to do, and Ben being there wouldn't help his forgetting.

"Nick Carter, open this fucking door before I break it down." Ben screamed.

Nick felt the scream reverberate around his head and so he went to open the door. The alcohol was getting to him and he didn't need Ben shouting. His mind told him to open the door, tell Ben to be silent and still and then go back to his drinking, but the plan stalled on part one when Ben pushed his way into the room as soon as Nick answered and slammed it shut behind him.

"Hey." Nick said, a goofy smile playing on his alcohol logged face.

Ben didn't return the smile.

"Time to get naked Nicky." Ben said, his voice dripping with anger and sarcasm. "I hear that you want a good fuck."

Nick tried to pull off his T-shirt thinking that this was one of his fantasies but it got stuck on his head. He pulled it back down for a second try and then saw the look of contempt on Ben's face. Fantasy Ben never got that look and Nick sobered a little as he realised that this was not an alcohol induced fantasy but the real thing.

There was a real live, and angry Ben in his room and Nick wondered how it was that Ben had found out.

"I'm sorry." Nick said, because they sounded like the words that he needed to say.

"Sorry for what?" Ben asked, and he was still upset about something. "Sorry that you want to fuck me? Sorry that you treat me like everyone else in my life, like some piece of meat? Sorry that you pretended that you actually wanted to be my friend?" Ben asked. "What exactly is it that you're sorry for, Nicky? Because I am really not that interested in your apologies right now."

Nick knew that Ben thought he had lied about their being friends, it was in his words and his voice but he had never known that Ben felt objectified, he had always assumed that his friend just liked getting laid. He certainly did it often enough.

"Ben, I love you." Nick said. "I admit that, but I don't want you to think that I wasn't your friend. I just...I wanted you anyway that I could get you and friend seemed to be a good place to start."

"You've already fucked me Nicky, there is nothing new for you here. Why would you want me?" Ben asked.

"There is more to you than sex." Nick said, Ben frowned. "You're a beautiful person, you helped me, a virtual stranger, when I was looking for Sully, you like to play games with me even if you're tired and you don't mind sleeping in my bunk and..." Nick paused sensing that this was getting him nowhere. "There are a million reasons why I want you but it all boils down to one thing. I'm in love with you."

"You don't even know me." Ben said harshly.

"I'd like to." Nick said. "And more than just what your favourite position is or what noise you would make if I licked your elbow."

"I don't know what to say." Ben said. The bluster seemed to have dropped from his voice and he was quieter now. More reserved.

Nick sensed that Ben had more to say so he stayed quiet and just listened. Ready for when Ben wanted to add something else to to that statement. A moment later he did.

"Do you know how many friends I have?" Ben asked.

"Dozens I guess." Nick replied honestly.

Ben let out a short bark of laughter.

"They're all acquintances Nicky, people that I have fucked or wanna fuck me. They're not my friends." Ben said. "They don't really care about me, they don't call me at the end of the day just to talk about the day we had or to see how my day went. They don't even know what I do for a living."

Nick felt guilty because he didn't either.

"You were probably only the second person that even cared to call me for something other than sex. And I connected with you." Ben said. "I don't want to lose that."

"Who was first?" Nick asked. It sounded odd to ask but part of him had to know.

"Drew." Ben said softly.

Nick recognised the name and then it hit him who Ben meant.

"Drew was like me, the kind of guy that only stays one night, I was new on the scene and I asked him out. He told me that he didn't sleep with young men but that if I stopped by his club he would get me in, no alcohol but a safe place to hang out. It was the first place that I had ever been accepted and the first place that I felt safe enough to be myself. After Drew died..." Ben trailed off and Nick could hear the pain in his voice.

Nick moved closer and held out his arms. He was a little surprised that Ben went to him, allowing himself to be guided to the sofa where Nick then held him tightly.

"I never thought that I would ever find that safety again. I was partying harder than ever and then you called..." Ben said. "I won't risk our friendship for a few nights."

"Ben, I love you." Nick said softly. "It wouldn't be a few nights."

"No, because you'd get tired of me, or we'd fight, or something...and it would never be the same, no matter how hard we tried it would never be the same." Ben said. "I can get sex anywhere but I only have one friend, and that's you."

"I don't know if I can be around you when you're with others." Nick said truthfully. "I didn't mean to interfere tonight, but I just...I'm tired of not being able to have the person that I love."

"So we're stuck." Ben said. "I want to be just friends and you can't be my friend anymore."

"I didn't say that." Nick protested but Ben shook his head.

"You won't want to be around me if I'm going out and I would like to see my best friend every now and then." Ben said. "I could stop going out when you're around me but we'd still have a friendship built on a lie."

Nick liked being called Ben's best friend but the rest of the sentence and the larger meaning behind it just sucked. Ben was basically saying that they were screwed if they did and screwed if they didn't.

"What about if we had just friends with benefits." Nick said. "I mean I could be with you and we could still be friends. I'll try not to screw up again like I did tonight and even if you and I don't work out, I promise we'll stay friends."

Ben sighed.

This was so fucked up. He was tired and confused and he knew that Nick was hurting. Sometimes talking was overrated and even unnecessary

"Come on then." Ben said, standing and pulling off his pale blue T-shirt and then unbuttoning the top of his jeans.

Nick stood, shaking slightly and began to undress too although there was a distinct lack of passion in either of them as they undressed, almost as if neither of them really wanted the sex that Ben had initiated.

Ben was down to his underwear, about to take it off when Nick stopped him. Nick was still in his pants and underwear while Ben was almost nude.

"Kiss me." Nick said softly.

It was almost pleading and Ben pulled him to him and tried to get in a deep kiss but Nick turned away. Ben was even more confused than he had been. Instead of pulling away Nick placed a feather light kiss on Ben's cheek and then stepped back.

"Have you changed your mind already?" Ben asked, suddenly feeling very self conscious about his nakedness. His voice was sardonic but there was a tone of self depracation in there too. Nick did not miss it.

"No." Nick said. "But I want something else tonight."

He pulled off his own pants and left them both in their underwear alone.

Nick pulled Ben towards the bed. Ben felt himself calm again as he realised that they were fucking after all, only to be puzzled as Nick turned down the bed, got in and held the blankets open for him at the other side.

Ben reached for Nick's cock but felt his hand stilled by Nick's own hand. Nick kissed Ben's fingers lightly and then pulled him to him for a hug. Placing a gentle kiss on Ben's forehead before just holding him.

"I thought you wanted to fuck." Ben said as he remained rigid. He didn't know what to say to this intimacy with Nick, it was unexpected. Sharing it the night before had friends seemed different, now there was expectation and lust.

"Ben Maloney doesn't fuck the same man twice." Nick said as if it made some sense.

Ben didn't know what to say.

"Ben Maloney doesn't fuck the same man twice." Nick repeated. "So, next time we have sex it won't be fucking but making love."

Ben wanted to tell Nick that they were the same thing, that he always made love, but he knew that Nick saw a difference and deep down he knew that he did too. Nick was his friend, maybe he would be more and Ben decided that it was time to tell the whole truth.

"I don't know how to make love." Ben said honestly. "I don't think I even know what love is."

"That's okay." Nick said, with a kiss for Ben, this time on the lips. "I'll teach you."

And then they exchanged a brief kiss and Ben knew this was part of the difference, soft and feathery, the kiss warmed parts of him that he had thought long dead and he realised that this was the difference.

This was love.

Alex found Sully in their room, he had not come to the door when Ben had started shouting which worried AJ but he wasn't going to start along the train of thought that Sully had left. He had to trust his friend.

The door was shut but Alex had a key, they were sharing the same room after all, he went in and found his lover laying across the bed. There was something in his hands that looked like a letter.

For a brief moment AJ wondered if it was Sully's letter to him, his rejection, the one that AJ carried in the back of his journal with the other important documents of his life. But it wasn't from AJ's side of the bed and his personal belongings looked undisturbed.

"You okay?" AJ asked him softly, hoping that if he kept his voice low his lover would respond.

There was no answer and Alex moved around the bed, wanting to see what was wrong. Sully seemed to react as soon as AJ came into his line of sight, tucking the letter away and sitting up. He pulled Alex to him and held him tight. Sully's tears fell of their own accord and he felt as if he was finally washing away the past.

"What's wrong?" Alex asked. "Is it your Mom?"

"No." Sully said. "It's nothing."

AJ was about to ask a question when Sully continued.

"Nothing is wrong. I just...I love you so much." Sully said.

"Well, I love you too." AJ replied automatically. He really didn't know what was wrong with his lover. "What brought all of this on?"

"Drew wrote to me." Sully said.

AJ pulled back from the embrace, wanting to seek the answers to his questions, the first being did he mean his ex-lover Drew and the second being was he crazy. Drew was dead. Dead people didn't write letters.

"He wrote it before he died." Sully explained, obviously seeing AJ's disbelief. "He wanted me to move on, to find someone else. And I just realised that I am glad it was you."

"Did he have anything else to say?" AJ asked.

"He wanted me to be happy." Sully said with a smile. "There was something else..."

Sully paused and AJ didn't like that. It was like the but that would always come after a piece of praise - I like it but^Å - I love you but... . AJ didn't like the but that Sully's statement implied.

"What?" AJ asked.

Sully pulled out another envelope, not the one that he had been reading but a different one.

"Aren't you going to open it?" AJ asked.

Sully shook his head and held the envelope out.

"I can't." He told him. "It's for you."

And sure enough the words "Alexander McLean" were printed in clear script on the envelope. AJ never really thought of himself as an Alexander but he supposed it was his name - of course it was Sully's too.

"Do you want me to open it now?" AJ asked. He wasn't really sure what he was supposed to be doing with the envelope or it's contents.

"It's up to you." Sully said. "I don't know what it says, I'm not even sure if I'm supposed to, but if you want to read it later that's fine. I guess it must be weird to get a posthumous letter from your lover's ex."

AJ smiled but part of his was curious about what Drew had to say. So he opened the letter and looked up at Sully, making a brief eye contact before reading the words.

"To the other Alexander,

You don't know me, I suppose if you are reading this then you never will. It is a shame really, I would love to actually meet the man that has captured my darlings heart. I suppose I call you the other Alexander because there were always two men of that name in my life, Sully and you.

I am not bitter about this however, I just thank you for sharing him with me. I feel as if I was a tenant of his heart for a few years, and I am grateful for that time, but we both know that you have owned it from the beginning.

Please take care of him for me as I took care of him for you. He needs you now more than ever and I have a feeling that you need him too.

Drew."

"I did love him." Sully said as he heard AJ recite the words.

AJ nodded, folding the letter and pulling the other man to him. He held Sully briefly and then stood, motioning that they should get some rest.

"I'm sorry." Sully said as he undressed. "I really wanted tonight to be special. I didn't mean to spring all of this on you at once. And you didn't get your surprise either." He said.

"Oh, I know." AJ replied with a lascivious grin. "But you know that I am not one to let a debt go unpaid. And I really would like to see you in those leather pants again."

Sully smiled and playfully swatted Alex as his lover went to use the bathroom.

As Sully lay on the bed, thinking things over he realised that he was with AJ now and Drew had been right - this was where he belonged.

As the boys slept on what was their night off the rest of the crew were already packing up the rigging and stages to move on to the next city. A procession of trucks and buses that would move from city to city as the tour and their lives wore on.

Touring was stressful and like life it was hectic at times as well as being fun and fulfilling. That was all part of the experience. But for four young men that night things were a little easier. Two were just finding love and two were rediscovering it but all of them were safe and well in their knowledge that they were loved.

It was not exactly a happy ending, but it was a beginning of sorts and it was enough for them.

END SEASON 1.

Note: I realise that this kind of leaves a few things open ended, but I was looking for a place to stop and this seemed like as good a place as any. There are already 150 pages to this story and I need to take a little break to just work out what happens next.

There will be a lot more to come if and when I write season 2 but I need to regroup and get the ideas together for it together first. Let me know what you think, if you have any ideas or if you want to see something particular.

Thanks for reading this far. Hopefully I'll be back soon, in the mean time do go and try the other stories on the archive, I don't do this at the beginning anymore so here are a few suggestions.

Brian and Me: As a rule I don't read Brian stories, but this is so well written you can't pass it up. Rebound: This is really taking off, it's by the author of "JC's Hitchhiker" so you can't go wrong. On The Streets: A Kevin story that makes me smile all the time :)