Title: Set Adrift Author: Jezebel the Temptress Feedback: eh_oh_po@yahoo.com
Disclaimers: This story is fiction and it is not intended to imply anything about the true sexuality of the celebrities mentioned or any personal knowledge about their private lives. If you are underage for your area or if it is illegal for you to look at this why not go somewhere else, if you don't like the thought of two men together in a loving, sexual way this isn't for you either.
Summary: Nick finds out that one small act can have severe repercussions for a long time to come. Who would have thought that one kiss could cause so much pain?
Check out the following stories by the authors that inspire me: Maze of Moments (Nsync - Lance) On the Streets (BSB - Kevin) Under Management (Nsync - Lance) Brian and Me (BSB) JC's Hitchhiker (Nsync) Double Take (BSB) My New Life (Nsync)
Note: Another jump in time but this will bring us a lot closer to the present and finally to the part that we have been leading up to. This deals with some tough issues, alcoholism, some minor violence and finally some sexual intimacy; you knew they had to get some eventually.
Two Years Later - 2001
AJ was drunk. This was hardly a new thing for him, at 23 he was used to drinking, he had grown up around alcohol but lately he seemed to be spending more time in a state of inebriation than out of it. It was just easier that way. Life had handed him too many lemons to make lemonade and so he had to find other ways of dealing with it, alcohol numbed the pain and when that didn't work he was glad to have some chemical stimulation to do the rest for him.
It was as if all of the bad stuff in his life had come to a head, he had lost his grandmother, the only woman other than his mother that he truly trusted and had split with his girlfriend at the same time. Amanda was a great girl, she got a tough time from the fans and an even tougher time from the press but it had finally been him that had driven her away, he had been drinking back in the day when it had still been only an occassional occurrence and he had made the mistake of chatting up one of her friends. Amanda was usually open to that kind of thing, okay with him flirting with other people, especially on tour or when it could not be helped but he had made two fatal mistakes; one she had been right next to him at the time and two it had been one of her male friends that he was chatting up. He didn't know why but apparently his being bisexual worried her and she was worried that he would go off with another man.
Life was hard, they were in the middle of a tour that was not going well and AJ couldn't really see a way out of this rut. As he reached for another bottle of Jack Daniel's from the mini bar, a brief thought of his pups at home made him think of his Mom and that led back to Sully, at the end of the day it always came back to him. AJ sighed, he needed to get his mind out of that train of thought before he arrived at depression city.
Scouting around for something to do AJ was surprised to find that Nick had left out his notebook, he was never usually that careless and the notes that he kept in there were a closely guarded secret that not even his best friend Brian or his younger brother Aaron were privy to. AJ was sharing a room with the youngest in a hope that it would moderate his drinking, of course it didn't help when Nick had gone out for the evening and left him behind with a full mini bar, they had not really thought it through properly. AJ hated the fact that they thought he needed a minder and decided that reading Nick's diary cum notebook would be the perfect revenge. He didn't know that he would find out what he did nor what it would mean to them both as a band and as brothers.
AJ turned it to the first few pages and flicked through pictures from their first photo shoots and some lyrics that Nick had obviously toyed with in the early days. It was obvious that this was only for the most special occassions as it was rarely written in for more than a few words, a name or possibly a number, a snippet of a thought or a lyric. The first full entry was about touring Germany and meeting Mieke and Felice, two girls that had gone on to be Nick's first and second girlfriends. The next was about England, the rest of Europe and drinking in a bar despite being underage, the type of things that a sixteen year old would have been excited by. It was the next page that amazed AJ, merely because the date was one that was important to him too.
June 15th
I can hardly believe it, after a few weeks of confusion and despair I finally did it; I kissed another man. I can't say that it was much different to a girl and yet it felt better in some ways, perhaps because it is so secret and it feels dirty (but in a good way if that is even possible!). Alex said I'm too young, that he is with AJ and a whole barrell of other excuses but I know that he wants me, he must do or else he wouldn't have kissed me back. It's great, I feel as if I want to tell the world but I promised that it would be our little secret and the amazing thing is that I want to do it again.
It took a moment for AJ to realise that this was written the day before his friend had left, and that the Alex that Nick had written about was his Alexander, Sully to his friend. Nick can't have known him too well, no one called him Alex, least of all a lover. AJ knew what his lovers called him because once, for a brief moment in time he had been one of the people that called Sully a lover. Not Nick. Never Nick. If he had truly had a secret affair with Sully he would know that no one called him Alex, only his father and the man was long gone from his life.
"Hey." Nick said, having come in unheard as AJ was deep in thought and seeing the other man reading his private thoughts. "That's private."
"You BASTARD!" AJ screamed as he threw the book at Nick, watching as it missed the blonde and flew directly into the terracotta coloured wall on the other side of the room. He must be more drunk than he first thought if his aim was that out. Maybe he should leave the room and calm down a little, he couldn't face the other man at that moment.
AJ moved to leave but Nick made the mistake of grabbing the door to their shared hotel room as AJ moved out of it. AJ pulled the door firmly behind him and watched as Nick's hand got shut into it, trapping him with a loud crack as the heavy safety door crushed his hand.
Nick screamed out in pain and two doors on their corridor flew open, obviously worried people coming to check what the racket was about. Brian ran to the door that AJ was holding loosely and pushed it open, wincing himself as he heard the yelp of pain that Nick emitted as the door moved away from his damaged hand. Howie too had come out and went to AJ, wanting to make sure that whatever had taken place did not erupt into a full scale brawl.
By the time Kevin came out he could see Brian staring daggers at AJ while soothing Nick and Howie half holding AJ up and half pinning him into the wall. Kevin was about to lay into AJ when he saw the tears streaming down his friend's face. This was not the time for laying blame it was the time for getting them help, both the immediate medical help that Nick needed for his now very purple hand and the long term psychological help that AJ so obviously needed to deal with the problems that they had ignored for too long.
It was not normal for someone to drink this much, he should have seen it before but as he smelled the alcohol so clearly on AJ he knew that he had let him down, spending too much time with Kristen. They had all let AJ down, ignoring the problem in the hope that it would go away or clear up on its own. A lot of people had problems that they alleviated with a little drink every now and then but not all of them were prone to alcoholism as he could now see AJ was. After tonight none of them would make that mistake again and ignore something so huge. Not if it meant more broken bones. Maybe they had gotten off lucky, after all AJ could have been driving or could have gotten into a fight with someone bigger. Maybe a broken hand was a small pennance for their ignorance. Either way it would not happen again.
"AJ. Why did you do it?" Howie asked, trying his best to soothe his friend while getting to the bottom of the problem. "What made you lash out at Nick tonight? Why now?"
"He knew." AJ said through the deep sobs that were now wracking through his body as he tried to let out all of the pain. "He knew why Sully left and he didn't say. He kissed him, scared him away and he didn't even say that he made him leave. I thought...He made me think..."
"Shhh..." Howie said as he pulled the still drunk but nonetheless depressed man to him in a brotherly hug. "It's not your fault. It wasn't ever your fault."
And for the first time in five years AJ began to believe that it was not his fault that Sully had gone.
"...Backstreet Boy AJ McLean was today admitted into a rehabilitation clinic for alcohol and narcotics abuse after a problem that has been plaguing him for quite a while has come to light. The band made a brief statement saying that all current tour dates will be rescheduled but that AJ would need time..."
Alexander Sullivan felt his ears prick up at the news, he of course had gotten used to hearing of his friends over the years, hearing people discuss if their music had any cultural relevance, if it had staying power or just seeing their picture on just about every girl's magazine, billboard and shop window he had passed for the last four years and yet here he was, still worried at the sound of that name. The name of the only man that he had ever truly loved.
"Yo, Sully, you okay?" A voice asked. He looked up and saw the waiter that was serving him breakfast, the same man that had served him at this truck stop every Tuesday for the last few years. He smiled and nodded.
"Get me the usual Tony, with extra bacon. I feel hungry today."
Tony smiled and put the full fried breakfast in front of the other man, still awed that anyone would eat blood pudding, it was an acquired taste but one that he had imported especially for this regular as well as a few others and did the full "English" breakfast for once a week.
As Sully took a bite from the artery clogging dinner he could almost feel the lump forming in his throat. It was not that the food was inedible but he suddenly had no appetite, seeing AJ on the screen, his face gaunt and sickly as he was at a recent interview he could barely swallow the mouthful he had. Suddenly the greasy food did not seem so appealing.
"Sorry Tony, I'm not as hungry as I thought." Sully said, sliding the plate away and going down to the restroom where he lost his lunch.
It hurt him to know that Alex was in pain, that the other man would need a lot of support and friendship, but what hurt most of all was that he could not be there to give it to him. They had shared so much in their pasts and now just as his friend needed him so desperately he was helpless, all thanks to one kiss and a piece of paper that barred him from ever meeting with one of the band or anyone associated with them ever again. He could not even call to see how Alex was. He would have to put up with inadequate news broadcasts and websites that would only ever tell half the story; he just hoped that wherever Alex was he was doing better than him and that he had the love, support and friends around him that he would need if he was going to get over his problems.
Tucson, Arizona was hardly the most glamorous of locations for the rehabilitation clinic that would be his home for the next month but at least it was quiet and out of the way. He had been there for a few days and so far no one had recognised him as AJ McLean. Of course it helped that they had very little contact with the outside world, he was there with people that were not only alcoholics but those that needed other help and some of them were better off not seeing the news, what television they did see was closely monitored and supervised. It therefore made it easier that no one could link him to the Backstreet Boy that had the same problem that they all faced.
Therapy wasn't so bad after a while, once you got over the initial worry that it would all be blamed on your parents or on some sexual deviation it was really just a case of talking through problems with an impartial third party. Someone that would provide help and advice and would help you sort through the mess of your life. AJ had been clean for less than a week and was already seeing that the drinking had done just as much damage as it had helped, he had let down his family, his friends and his fans and most of all he had let down AJ McLean. AJ was a mask that he wore to be famous and he was supposed to be the moody one, not the one that smoked crack or drank too much. Part of the main problem his therapist told him was that he was trying to keep AJ and Alex as two separate entities when they were in fact the same person. Trying to control two personalities had been a large strain, perhaps larger than anyone should have to cope with and he had not wanted them to merge.
He was also working through his issues of anger and hate, he knew that they were irrational but he still wanted to blame Nick for sending Sully away even though he believed the other man that they had kissed once and that it was not something that he had expected, he knew that Sully was AJ's lover and he did not want to split them up, at least that was what he had said. At the time it may have been a different sentiment but he was older now, more responsible and AJ knew that he would not make the same mistake again. However, it still made him want to rip Nick's head apart, even if it was the Nick of five years ago and not his more mature friend that he wanted to kill. He would have to make do with the throbbing of the broken hand that his friend had to endure. He wasn't sure if it would make up for his five years of pain though.
Neither was Nick.
The younger man was upset as soon as he found out why AJ had been so upset when he had come in that night. He had never meant for anyone to find his private journal but on hindsight he had left it in a rather obvious place and it was partly his fault that his hand was broken, it was also his fault that Sully had left in the first place. At least in part. He felt some responsibility for Alex's being alone and wanted to help him. With the tour suspended for at least two months while AJ recovered and got back onto the wagon Nick knew that he had time to at least try and correct the mistakes that he had made in the past.
Nick wondered for a moment if he should have done more when the other man first disappeared, if he should even have kissed him in the first place but this was no time for regrets. All he had was now and the future and he vowed that he would reunite the two Alexanders even if it took another five years to do it because he owed it to them both to at least try. Maybe it was time for Alexander Sullivan to come back into their lives. All they had to do was find him first.
Nick knew very little about looking for missing people, especially when like Sully they weren't really missing just misplaced or moved on. However as a rich, young and busy man Nick knew a lot about paying people to do things that you didn't have time for or had no inclination to do. A private investigator, though expensive, would have the tools, the expertise and the contacts to do such a job.
He called two investigators before he found one that would take the case, he was not too well known and relatively expensive but he promised to make Nick's case top priority and promised that he would give weekly updates on the case. He said similar things to the police, he had read the initial report that the police wrote during his own search and Nick was inclined to agree that Alexander Sullivan was not missing, just misplaced. The only problem was that after five years he could be well hidden in the system and even more so could be settled down in a completely different state or worse than that in a different country.
Nick's only hope was that the man came through and that it would be soon, because although he was committed to this in the long term there was a chance that AJ would not forgive him and if he did not then their entire careers could be trapped in the balance. Nick was beginning to see just how disastrous something as simple as a kiss could turn out to be.
To Be Continued.
I don't beg, I leave the puppy dog eyes to Justin or Nick because they look cuter when they do them, but do let me know what you think.
I know it is dark now but there is light at the end of the tunnel, and it's coming soon - I'm a sucker for happy endings so they'll get theirs too.
Also, what do you guys think of Nsync? Should they be here too?
Jez