Legalities: Its just a story folks. It is not intended to imply anything about any of the Backstreet Boys or anyone else. If you're offended, please go away. If you're curious, read on, you might like it! If you're too young, don't get caught.
Notes: Hi again. This is Kenitra, author of 'Fates Reason'. If you liked that one, hopefully you'll like this one. If not, you may still like this one anyway ;-) This one has more action in it than Fates Reason, but it still has a story. I'm also writing another one that is more of a romance called Millennium Love.
Any comments about any of my stories, please drop me a line at kenitra_canada@hotmail.com Please include the story title somewhere in your message so I know which story you like or hate ;( In case you didn't read Fates Reason, guys - I'm a gal, to all the gal writers - Hey!
Hope you enjoy. Kenitra
I'll Set You Free ******* Part 2 *******
Jason woke up the next morning feeling remarkably relaxed and refreshed, for about ten seconds until the memory of the night before came rushing back. He covered his mouth, afraid he would be sick. What had he done? He tried not to move, afraid he would wake up the men either side of him and see their pity, or worse. Slowly he slid down the bed and crept out of the bedroom after stopping to pull some clothes out of a drawer.
He sat down on the stairs shaking. God, what have I done?' he thought. They could only be laughing at him, thinking what a slut. That's what he was, wasn't he? They got their pictures and a good fuck too. Jason wiped tears from his eyes. They were so sweet and nice, why'd I have to fuck it up?' He threw on his clothes and went downstairs. He wrote a note for Nick and Brian.
Nick and Brian,
I'm sorry. I can't believe I did what I did last night. I know you must think I'm horrible, a real slut or something. You have what you really came for, so please leave. I can't face either of you. I'll be back late in the morning, just close the door on your way out. Jason.
They were probably laughing at the stupid, star-struck kid. He left the note on the kitchen table and headed out the door for a run.
"Jason!" He heard Brian call his name, but he ignored it, taking off down the road and around the corner. He needed to clear his head. `No. You know where you need to go.' A voice in his head said. Jason turned down the next street heading for the river.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Brian and Nick woke up at the same time. Brian opened his eyes to find himself looking at Nick's back. He knew immediately that Jason wasn't there. He reached over to touch Nick's shoulder.
"Nick, where's Jason?" he asked.
Nick rolled over and looked at Brian, shaking his head. "Don't know. God, B, what did we do last night?" he asked.
Brian rolled onto his back, remembering. "I don't know Nick. We really need to find Jason and apologize." Brian rolled off the bed and found his discarded clothes, tossing Nick his as he found it.
Nick sat on the side of the bed. "All I wanted to do was comfort him, but when he kissed me, I couldn't help myself. Geez, he was so sweet and vulnerable and we took advantage of that." Nick pulled on his clothes as Brian went out. He saw Jason walking out the door.
"Jason!" he called but Jason ignored him. By the time Brian reached the front door, Jason was no where to be seen. "Shit!" Brian swore and slammed the door.
Nick ran down the stairs. "What B? Where's Jason?" he asked.
Brian shook his head. "He just bolted out of here. Probably can't stand the sight of us." They made their way to the kitchen. Brian found a coffee maker and coffee, Nick found Jason's note and read it.
He slumped down in a chair. "Oh God, Brian, he thinks we wouldn't want to see him. He's afraid we think he's a slut." Nick's hands released the note as Brian grabbed it and read it himself.
Brian sat down heavily in a chair. "How did we mess things up so badly, Nicky?" he asked softly.
Nick covered Brian's hand with his own. "Dunno. So what are we gonna do?" Nick asked.
Brian stood up. "I want to go look for him."
"But you want me to stay here in case he comes back," Nick said softly, reading Brian perfectly.
Brian bent down and kissed Nick's lips, wrapping his arms around his lover's neck. He finally broke the embrace. "I love you Frack," he said.
Nick grinned. "I know Frick. Now go find Jason." He turned Brian, giving him a slap on the ass. Brian giggled, grabbed the car keys and left.
Nick poured himself some coffee and sat quietly, thinking about things. He could hardly believe that it was June 2000. The band had been touring for so long, and finally had gone back in the studio in April. They were on a two-week break right now. Denise McLean had found Jason's letter about a month after the film had gone missing. Nick and Brian had told the other guys. They all knew that if the pictures came out, it was all over.
He and Brian had been lovers for three years, since he turned seventeen. Nick had known before that, that he loved Brian, but Brian had insisted on waiting before they consummated their relationship. Nick smiled to himself. He knew their relationship was strange. He and Brian were so much alike; they were like extensions of the same person. Neither had opposed the idea of a third person in the relationship. They'd had a few one nighters before but nothing like last night. Nick went over everything in his mind. Maybe it was just because Jason was so lonely and vulnerable, but Nick thought it was something more. He smiled, Brian would be able to verbalize it better; he'd always had a way with words that Nick envied. Nick finished his coffee and decided to take a tour of the house.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Jason ran hard, not caring that he was out of breath. He just had to get there. He ran along the path, ignoring other people on the trail. He could feel the tears running down his face. He crossed the abandoned rail bridge over the river and ran up the stairs. At the top, he had to stop and catch his breath. He looked around at the manicured grass and tall, stately trees. Cemeteries always made him catch his breath. The combination of nature's beauty and humanity's sadness overwhelmed him. He began to walk slowly along the paved pathway twisting its way through the headstones. Row after row, entire families buried beneath his feet; his entire family down there too. Eventually, Jason reached the newest section and found the two headstones he'd been looking for. He flopped down onto the green grass, still able to see the outline of the recently added sod.
"Damn you both," he said softly. "Are you going to continue ruining my chance for happiness, even in death? You cost me the one person in life that I loved. How am I supposed to let go of what happened and find love again. How could you do that to me?" Jason sighed. He knew he'd never get the answers he needed. He stood up. "Goodbye." He wouldn't come back again. He walked a few rows over and then down to the end of the row. Cory had the last spot.
Jason walked right up to the headstone and put his hand softly on it. "Hey, Cory," he said quietly. "Don't be mad at me for the gun. I know it was stupid. I promise I won't do it again." He sighed and sat down beside the stone. "I'm so confused right now, Core. Everything used to be so simple. We were going to go to university and be together forever. Sounds so nice and simple doesn't it?" He looked up through the thick umbrella of leaves above him. "Why Cory? I wish you could tell me, not just in any stupid letter, but to my face, why it had to be this way. I want to apologize for last night, but…Cory, why'd I do it? I mean they were so nice to me. I really enjoyed talking to them, just hanging out. I felt as comfortable with them as I used to with you. I think we could have been friends and you know me Cory, real friends are hard to find." Tears started down his face. "I know I didn't betray you, I know you only ever wanted me to find my own happiness, but maybe I'm not supposed to be happy." Jason stood up. "You know I will always love you Cory. I haven't decided about university yet for the fall. I thought that I'd try the photography, like you suggested. Yeah I know, you told me so." Jason laughed softly remembering Cory telling him he'd end up a photographer no matter what he took at school. Cory had known him so well. "I'll see you again soon, love," Jason said, and slowly began walking through the cemetery. He wasn't sure where he was going, but it was too soon to go home.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Brian got out to the car and sat there. How would he ever find Jason? He didn't know the city at all, and didn't know where Jason would go. `Damn!' he swore to himself. Nick was right, they had taken advantage of Jason's vulnerability. He felt like shit. Jason had been so sweet; Brian had felt some kind of connection almost immediately. Now he was afraid he'd never get to figure it out. Brian started the car and began to drive slowly, looking down each side street to see if Jason was there. Brian went over Jason's note in his head. Cory. It sounded like Cory was Jason's Nick. Jason would want to talk to Cory. Brian looked around and saw a middle-aged man walking a dog. He pulled the car over.
"Excuse, me. Do you know if there are any cemeteries around here?" Brian asked the man.
The man thought for a moment. "Sure. There's Westmount Cemetery across the river, and St. Mary's right beside it."
Brian got directions from the man and sped away. He could only hope that Jason was there, and that he would talk to him. Brian shook his head. He loved Nick and always would, he always had, but the thought of losing Jason was suddenly frightening. Brian knew Nick had felt something different with Jason too. They didn't care that no one understood what they had. Besides, Kevin, Howie and A.J. were currently playing musical beds, so who were they to judge. Kev and D had admitted they were gay. A.J. was the only switch hitter. All that mattered was that it was right for them. Somehow, Jason was right.
He pulled into the cemetery and began driving slowly along the winding road, looking for Jason. He'd driven through all of St. Mary's and was starting Westmount when he finally saw a lone figure. The man stood up and walked a few rows away before stopping at another grave. Brian had no intention of intruding. He let the car crawl along the road. He would wait until Jason was ready to leave before speaking to him.
Brian watched as Jason finally stood up, touched the headstone one more time and began to slowly walk away. Brian pulled up behind, parked the car and walked up to Jason.
"Jason?" he said softly. Jason jumped and spun around. When he saw Brian, his face turned red.
"Brian, what are you doing here? Please just leave me alone." Jason turned and began to walk faster. Tears quickly formed. `Why was Brian there? Does he want to torment me?'
"Jason, I'm sorry. We're sorry," Brian apologized as he ran to catch up with Jason. "What Nick and I did, taking advantage of you last night was unforgivable."
Jason slowed as Brian's words sank in. Brian was apologizing? But Jason was the one who'd acted like a whore. Jason turned to look at Brian's face. What he saw there shocked him. He could see Brian was truly sorry, but he could also see fear and confusion. Jason was feeling the same way. Jason shook his head. "I don't understand. I'm the one who came on so strong. You guys were just being nice to me, so you could get your pictures. I figured you were laughing at me, you got your pictures and a freebee," Jason said in self-disgust.
Brian walked up to Jason. "Jason, you were scared and lonely. All you wanted was some company, some closeness. That's all Nick and I wanted to do, was make you feel less alone." Brian ran his hand through his hair. "I don't know what happened. You were so intense, so sexy. I couldn't help myself. But that wasn't what you needed. We should have stopped, but we didn't. I hope you can forgive us, we never meant to hurt you." Brian let his voice drop and looked away from Jason.
Jason was more confused than ever. "Brian, I don't know what you're trying to say," Jason said. Brian returned his gaze to Jason's face; he saw his lower lip tremble slightly.
Brian stepped right up to him. "Perhaps this will explain it better," he said softly before pulling Jason's face to his and tenderly kissing those trembling lips. Brian increased the intensity of his kiss and Jason leaned into him, wrapping his arms around Brian's neck. Their mouths opened and Brian's tongue quickly found its way to Jason's. Their tongues danced an erotic dance around and around, teasing and tempting. Jason's head was spinning. Finally, he pulled back, regretting the loss of contact, but needing to understand.
"What about Nick?" he asked, still confused.
Brian smiled a most wondrous, tender smile. "Jason, will you come back to the house with me? You, Nick and I need to talk."
Jason nodded, wanting and needing to know what he was feeling, and why. He climbed in beside Brian and sat quietly, trying to sort his feelings. They returned to the house in less than ten minutes. Nick saw them pull up and opened the door, welcoming them back. He looked intently at Jason.
Once through the door, Nick couldn't stop himself and pulled Jason into a hug. "I'm sorry Jayce. I'm such an idiot; sometimes I do things before I think."
Jason hugged Nick back. "Its okay Nick," he said, trying to breathe within the bear-hug.
Brian noticed. "Hey, Nicky, try not to strangle him, okay." Nick laughed self-consciously and released his hold.
The three walked into the living room. Jason flopped down on the couch, mentally and physically tired. Nick sat down beside him while Brian sat on the edge of the coffee table facing him. Jason watched as the two exchanged a glance. He was amazed at how much that single glance conveyed. Brian looked at Jason intently.
"Jason, I don't know where to begin so I'm just going to throw some thoughts out and if any of it makes sense, let me know, okay?" Brian smiled sweetly and Jason caught his breath. He nodded.
"Nick and I love each other. We always have, although we've only been lovers for three years. People say our relationship is strange, and I don't mean just because we're gay." Brian shrugged his shoulders. "Its difficult to explain. Nick and I are so much alike. Over the years, we've experimented, mainly by adding a third person. Nothing has ever become serious because no one has fitted perfectly with us." Brian raised his eyes to look into Jason's green ones. Jason felt like he was drowning in the clear blue water. Jason was listening, but his mind refused to translate what Brian was saying. It was too much. "Jason, despite the circumstances of last night, both Nick and I felt something …click…when we were with you." Brian looked at Nick for help, it was so hard to explain.
Nick stepped in to try to help. "I guess what we're saying is that we'd like to spend more time with you Jason. Get to know you, and see what happens." Brian couldn't help but laugh, leave it Nick to put it out so bluntly. Brian could see the confusion on Jason's face.
"Jason, I know this all sounds strange. We've never had to try to explain it before. We don't want to push you into anything you're not completely comfortable with. Do you want us to go?" he asked gently, waving his hand to stop Nick's protests.
Jason shook his head. "I don't know. I think I'm going to go lie down for a while, if that's okay?"
Nick reached over and picked up Jason's hand, raising it to his lips, kissing the back softly. Jason met Nick's gaze. "Of course Jason," Nick said softly, his eyes clearly showing want and desire and something else Jason couldn't define. Jason left them sitting there and walked upstairs to his bedroom.
As soon as he walked in, he was overwhelmed by a wave of confused and diverse emotions. He knew he was definitely feeling something for the two men downstairs. But he didn't deserve them. Jason walked over to the bed and looked at it remembering the night before. He threw out his feelings of guilt and focused on the other emotions. He remembered Brian asking if he was sure he wanted Nick to make love to him. He remembered his feeling of want, the desire he'd felt when Nick entered him. He felt his face redden at the memory. It had been so incredible. Jason crawled up on the bed. He could smell the male scents of Brian and Nick; the scents enveloped him, surrounded him like a blanket of air.
What did he want? Could he tell them the truth? It would be difficult to hide, but would they still want him if they knew? He knew he didn't want to just be a boy-toy for them. Could there be more? More importantly, was he willing to risk himself? `God Cory, I wish you could tell me what to do!' Since the accident more than three months ago, Jason had been alone. He had no other relatives around; he was the only beneficiary of his parents' wealth. Sure he had high school friends, but none knew his true self. Not like Cory had, not like Brian and Nick did. Jason realized that was what frightened him the most. These two strangers had entered his life and could read right to his soul; he couldn't hide from them. Jason rolled over and closed his eyes. He hadn't planned to sleep, but before he knew it, he had drifted into oblivion.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Nick and Brian watched Jason go upstairs. Brian moved to sit beside Nick, leaning his head back and closing his eyes. Nick leaned in and kissed him softly.
"Mmm," Brian murmured.
"I'm sorry, B," Nick said and Brian opened his eyes. "I shouldn't have said it so bluntly. I think I scared him away." Brian could see the sadness in Nick's eyes and reached up to stroke his cheek.
"No, Nico, I think he needed to hear exactly what we were thinking. I never realized how complicated it would be trying to explain." Nick wrapped his arms around Brian, holding him tight against his chest.
"I want the chance to know him," Nick whispered.
"Me too," Brian whispered back.
They sat there for a while until the inevitable, Nick's stomach growled. Brian laughed. "Okay, I get the picture. I'll go see what I can find in the kitchen. I imagine Jason will be hungry too." Brian stood up, but Nick grabbed his hand.
"I was thinking B. if Jayce agrees to come with us, he could be our official photographer. Andre is busy touring with some other band, and Jayce is really good. I was looking at some of his photos this morning."
Brian smiled to himself; Nick already has a nickname for Jason. Brian leaned down to kiss Nick. "Good idea, Blondie."
Brian went into the kitchen and went through the cupboards and fridge, seeing what was there and what he could make. The simplest was spaghetti. He pulled out some pots and began cutting up some fresh vegetables, onions, celery, tomatoes and peppers. He wondered if Jason shopped for himself or if there was a housekeeper who came in. He thought the latter was probably the case. Brian found a loaf of bread and decided to make garlic bread too. He hummed as he cooked and didn't notice when Nick walked in; smiling and watching him work.
Nick loved it when Brian cooked; Nick who was lucky if he didn't burn toast. He grinned as he watched Brian deftly cut food, mix things and hum, all at the same time. "How's it going?" he finally asked. Brian looked up and grinned.
"It's almost ready. Why don't you see if Jason's awake and wants to eat?" Brian suggested.
Nick nodded and went up the stairs. He knocked softly on Jason's door, but didn't get a response. He quietly opened the door and walked in. Jason was curled up on the bed, wrapped around a pillow. `God what an angel,' Nick thought. Even though Nick was only twenty, he thought Jason looked so young. He walked over to stand beside the bed.
"Jayce?" Nick said softly.
Jason's eyes fluttered open. He smiled at Nick, the most amazing open and honest smile Nick had seen. "Hi," Jason said, still partly asleep. He reached out and took Nick's hand, pulling him down to sit on the bed. Jason looked at Nick, "Are you for real, Nick?" Jason asked intently.
Nick smiled gently and stroked Jason's cheek. "What do you think? What does your heart tell you?" he asked never taking his eyes from Jason's.
Jason broke eye contact and sighed. "I'm afraid," he whispered.
Nick leaned closer, "Of what?" he whispered, his hot breath caressing Jason's face.
Jason looked up into those intense blue eyes, "Of love, of being loved."
A tender smile fluttered across Nick's face, "Never be afraid of love, Jayce. Love is all there is." He was so close to Jason's face that he couldn't stop himself from softly kissing those incredible, sexy lips. Jason moaned quietly, craving the touch of lips on his lips. Nick didn't demand and push, he simply tasted the sweetness that was Jason, before pulling back and smiling at the younger man.
"Brian wanted me to see if you were hungry. He's cooking up a storm in your kitchen." Nick said with a grin. Jason matched the grin.
"I'm starved!" he said truthfully. Nick moved back and allowed Jason to climb off the bed. Nick held out his hand, Jason looked at it, then put his in the larger hand. They walked downstairs.
Brian looked up when they walked in. He grinned when he saw that they were holding hands.
"Wow, that smells good," Jason said smiling shyly.
"Thanks," Brian replied smiling happily.
He had set everything on the table so all three sat down to eat. Nick and Jason dove into the food, filling their plates to overflowing with spaghetti and garlic bread. Brian looked from one to the other and began to laugh hysterically.
Nick and Jason looked at each other, then at Brian. "What?" they asked simultaneously, both grinning.
Brian just shook his head. "Well I got used to cooking enough to feed four," he said looking directly at Nick. "I guess I can just double everything."
"When do you two have to leave?" Jason asked suddenly.
TBC