Hello everyone! In the last couple of chapters, we're finally getting to see some relationship development between our beloved girls. I know it took a little while to get that going, but hey, that's life. Not all romances are "love at first sight". We all know these things take time.
Once again, I'd like to thank everyone who wrote in with their comments. I hope you like this installment of "The Silent Cellist". *********************************************
Chapter Eighteen: Diary Entry of a Sane Mad-Girl
November 8, 2154
Dearest Illitor,
Hello once again my old friend. Things have been pretty dull around here lately. Brittany, her mother and the entire team flew out to Japan to meet with the Nissan executives the day before yesterday. She told me that they want to do a meet-and-greet session with the entire team--especially now since they won the World Cup title--and put them in a new advertisement. Brittany couldn't give me any specifics since she herself didn't know exactly what was going to happen, but Nissan paid for the trip so it must be more than a typical congratulatory meeting. Flying that many people that many miles is not cheap. Roger drove me to the airport to at least say good bye to her and I haven't heard from her since. Granted it is a twenty-four hour flight plus getting around town and knowing where her hotel room is, but a simple phone call to say they've arrived would be nice. After I saw her through the security gate and around the corner, I couldn't help but feel a wave of sorrow wash over my heart. I only wished to be sitting next to her on that plane, holding her hand or stroking her hair the entire time. She's been gone for barely forty-eight hours and I miss her this badly already. No, Illitor, I haven't slept since she departed the airport. I miss her just as much as Sarah, who I haven't heard from in a while come to think of it. I guess that means that my feelings for this girl are genuine, and that is enough to keep Him at bay.
Oh yes, my dear friend, I've been hearing His voice in the background of my mind ever since we arrived at the asylum. He came to me, trying to welcome me home but I paid Him no mind. I had my Brittany holding me and that's all I needed. Even though I haven't slept these last two nights, He still comes to me; however, His voice is much quieter than normal. He thanks me for not taking my medication and allowing Him free roam of my conscience, but now I am able to tune out His insidious voice. That hate- filled, icy voice that makes my skin crawl at the very mention of it is now nothing more than a mere whisper. A whisper my mind's ear can easily ignore... and without taking my pills. This is just one more reason for me to love Brittany as much as I do. She is His true bane.
As happy as all of this makes me feel, I still feel the hole in my heart that only she can fill... when she's here. In just these few short weeks I've grown so attached to her that Roger has called me "her new appendage". I hang on everything she says and does, even though we often disagree. It makes me feel closer to her to know that we are so different, and that difference is our chemistry. I guess the old adage "opposites attract" holds true. She is Sarah reincarnate. I can feel it in the way she holds my hand, in the way she kisses me. There is an energy, a current, between us that only Sarah managed to equal. I will forever love Sarah, but I'm glad that Brittany has come into my life and Sarah told me it was O.K. to let her go. Wow... Illitor, I just felt my heart skip a beat at the idea of entertaining that notion. I think that was a sign. Oh my God, my hand's trembling right now! If only my Brittany were here right now to share this moment with me, only that would make it perfect.
With Brittany away in Japan, Inikye's songs are becoming much more sad by the minute. He misses her too. I can feel it in the way his strings feel under my fingers as they dance to the music. I can hear it in the sounds he bellows out during our sets. My usual fans have even taken a notice to this as most of them haven't heard me play like that since I first arrived here. They enjoy it still, but Inikye's and my emotions are laid over their own hearts and they too weep for the loss that we're feeling. It's a beautiful notion, but sadly they will never know the true depth of this loss until they have experienced it first-hand--and that's something I wish on no one. We've seen enough pain and suffering to fill two lifetimes. Unfortunately that is the message that gets through to everyone who cares to listen. It pains me to say it, but it's true, however, once Brittany comes back to us, Inikye's songs will become happy once again.
Well, my old friend, the hour grows late and I am utterly exhausted. Inikye wanted to play an extra long set today and I can't ever refuse him. My fingers actually started bleeding at one point, but they continued to dance without fail. I will let you know when Brittany calls me or Roger. I do hope it's soon, but it will never be soon enough. Good night, Illitor.
Love, Amanda
Chapter Nineteen: Connection of Aching Hearts
Brittany was waiting for her luggage to come around the carousel. She was standing there, utterly exhausted from her twenty hour flight, listening to the rest of her teammates bitch and whine about the trip. The Nissan executives treated them with the respect they deserve and were happy that the Japanese are nice people, but that flight was excruciating. The movie sucked, the stewardesses were rude, the food was terrible and it seemed that no one could get comfortable enough to sleep. Not only that, but they seemed to get the most obnoxious people on Earth sitting around them. More than once did they have to restrain themselves from reaching over and bitch-slapping whoever it was that was annoying them that minute. Brittany was just happy that her feet were on the ground and getting ready to depart this place. As she watched the parade of baggage come through the plastic flaps, Brittany started stroking the small pendant that Amanda had given her after the World Cup tournament. A nostalgic smile came across her lips at that sweet memory.
Amanda was finishing her last song of the set when the raven-haired teenager arrived. From what she could tell, Amanda and Inikye were playing a song of triumph over some kind tyranny that held their hearts in it's grasp. Brittany watched Amanda's fingers run up and down Inikye's neck as the song grew to a climax. Naturally, Amanda was so into the song that her head bobbed and banged with the notes she was playing and didn't realize Brittany had arrived.
She held the last note of the song for a good fifteen seconds, allowing her enthused audience time to reward her efforts. Amanda, in her now customary routine, stood and took her final bow before setting to work putting Inikye away. Brittany came up to her after she had her good friend packed up. She surprised her girlfriend by coming up from behind her and wrapped her tightly into her chest. Amanda held fast to Inikye's case as her Brittany picked her off the ground and swung her around without any difficulty, a testament to how hard she trains for her beloved sport. Brittany gave her a quick peck on the cheek, good enough to say 'hello' while avoiding any odd stares from the people still in the area. Amanda reciprocated the gesture once Brittany finally put her down. She took her hand and led her inside. Brittany made arrangements with her mother to stay for dinner with Amanda and Roger, which she regularly agreed to. During the home-cooked meal, Roger kept asking Brittany if all of what Amanda was bragging about was true; she answered all of them with a confident and cocky smile on her lips.
After supper, the three were watching TV in the adjoining living room. They talked about this and that, but Roger kept bringing up how much he's been wanting to get rid of that damn statue that's standing in the alcove between the dining and living rooms since he moved in. Right after Roger made that comment, Amanda handed a small box to her girlfriend. A bit puzzled, Brittany took the small token from her, looking into her eyes. She wasn't expecting anything, especially not this early in their relationship, but a random, loving gift is not something you just refuse. Brittany opened the small velvet-covered box to see a gold heart. Inscribed therein were the words "For My Angel". Brittany's expression of kind curiosity quickly changed to a loving smile. She threw her arms around her girlfriend's neck, kissing her with all the passion she could muster. Amanda smiled broadly when she saw Brittany's reaction to her gift. That smile of hers was enough, but that passionate kiss was very much appreciated. As Brittany wrapped Amanda into her neck, pressing her cheek against her girlfriend's, and held the pendant in front of her. She giggled a little when the literal meaning of the "Angel" reference came to her. The two girls parted after a few tender moments. Amanda took the necklace from Brittany and softly hooked the chain around her neck. Brittany look into her girlfriend's eyes and said aloud, "I'll never take it off."
"Hey Brit!" Brian called out.
"What?!" she yelled back at him, pissed that he took her out of revelry. She found her hand unconsciously rubbing the gold against her beating heart, still living up to her promise. How she missed her dear Amanda, and god was she pissed at herself for not calling at all during the entire trip.
"Your bag!" he answered the edgy girl. "It only circled the carousel three times. The security guard was about to take it to the lost luggage room."
"Oh, thanks," Brittany said after catching the bag Brian threw at her. Her voice was relaxed some, but tainted with sarcasm.
"Don't mention it," he said as her walked passed her. Brittany blinked a few times, allowing the image of Amanda to linger on her thoughts for a few more minutes then followed her captain out to the parking lot.
Brittany and her mother were talking about nothing in particular on their ride home from the airport. They kept coming back to the topic of what happened with the Nissan people. Mrs. Williams couldn't be more proud of, or impressed with, her daughter. She had just won her third World Cup, with three different teams at that, landed a damn good job and personal sponsorship with her favorite company and now she was just given a huge endorsement deal from one of the biggest Fortune 500 companies in the world. As soon as she gets on a Pro team, after she graduates high school of course, Nissan was offering her a brand new car of her choosing and a six figure check (the exact amount was to be discussed after she secured a spot on a Pro roster) to wear the Nissan brand and act as a marketing spokeswoman in all of the tournaments in which she plays in the U.S., European and Asian Pro circuits. Not to mention they were offering her even more marketing opportunities as time goes by and her career grows. Never once throughout the entire meeting did Brittany's nerve and confidence wane. She held her ground and negotiated the contract, with her mother's input of course, without coming off as rude or ungrateful. Even Coach Wilson was impressed by her candor. Mrs. Williams just smiled at her daughter's natural ability to handle these business situations. Her daughter is only a junior in high school and she has already accomplished more than she ever dreamed possible.
"So honey, when are you going to call Amanda?" she asked as they neared their exit.
"I was hoping we could surprise her at the bookstore," Brittany answered with a smile on her face. "I have something I want to give her."
"Really?" her mother answered with some curiosity in her voice. "What would that be? I didn't know you bought any souvenirs."
"It's not exactly a souvenir," she answered her mother bashfully. "I only hope she's not mad at me for not calling her all this time."
"I'm sure she's fine honey," her mother soothed, patting her leg. "What is it anyway?"
"I got us V.I.P. tickets to a Sting Metal Septet concert this weekend. And before you say anything, they were complimentary of the Nissan execs... there is no way I could've afforded these passes."
"That was awfully nice of them," her mother commented, blinking at this new surprise. "Do you think you'll need a ride?"
"Roger said he'd take us," she answered softly, playing with the gold pendant around her neck. She knew that Amanda would love to go to the show and was a fan of theirs, but there was still a nagging fear in the back of her mind. 'What if she's upset about me not calling her this weekend? What if she turns me down because of that? How am I supposed to answer those questions?'
"Honey? You O.K.?"
"Yeah, I'm fine mom. Just worried that Amanda's mad at me."
"I wouldn't worry about it," her mother answered with a smile, but felt she had to get her stab in. "Maybe if you would have called her, like you said you would, then you wouldn't have to worry."
"NOT funny, mom!" Brittany snapped. "Don't you think I feel bad about that? I feel like shit because I lied to her! I'm scared out of my freaking mind!"
"Calm down, honey. I'm sure she's just missing you as much as you miss her."
Brittany looked out to the road, taking a deep breath before she spoke. "You do know where we're going, right?"
"Yes, the Borders book store downtown," her mom said with a smile on her lips. "And hey, with any amount of luck she'll be playing when we arrive."
"Don't bet on it," Brittany said smiling, "she doesn't normally play this late on Mondays."
"So you've got her routine down, huh?"
"Wouldn't make much of a friend, not to mention gilrfriend, if I didn't now would I?"
"I guess you're right," her mom said smiling, more inwardly that out. She's never had a problem with her only daughter (and now only child) being a lesbian. Sexual orientation was never an issue in their house. It made her happy to know Brittany was happy and comfortable with who and what she is. If loving other women made her happy, then why not embellish it? She felt a current of warmth flow through her heart to see Brittany so choked up about her new girlfriend. It proved that she really did have feelings for her. Then a thought hit her, she didn't do such a bad job of raising her by herself.
"I'm really proud of you, Brittany," she blurted out suddenly. She had that smile clinging to her lips and a tear in her eye.
"Thanks," Brittany answered, not knowing what else to say. She looked over to her mother and saw her gaiety expression. She saw her mother crying, however softly, and that was enough to make her understand.
"I've raised a good little girl," she she just above a whisper. "I wouldn't trade you for the world."
"Well, I had good parents," Brittany said, rubbing her hand against her mother's cheek.
"Thank you, honey."
"You don't need to thank me, mom. Things weren't perfect, but I think you did a great job if I may say so myself." Brittany's face turned over snobby. She smiled that playful, fake uppity smile when she has these feelings of haughtiness. Her mother just laughed at her.
Brittany and her mother walked down the street listening for Amanda's beckoning. Brittany thought she heard Inikye's calling from the parking lot five minutes ago, but it has since gone quiet. Over the weeks the two of them have been together, Brittany picked up the timing Amanda normally puts between her songs. With the amount of time that's passed, she knew that her set was over. Although saddened by this realization, she at least knew where to find her girl. Brittany picked up her pace to catch Amanda before she retired to Roger's apartment for the night, like she always does after her sets.
The pair of Williams' walked in the front door, each one carefully looking over the area. There were a few people at the counter paying for their merchandise, behind which stood Roger. He turned his head in their direction when he heard his door open and smiled and waved at them as they strode into his establishment. The mother-daughter pair smiled and waved back, returning the gesture, but Brittany had a lost look on her face. Mrs. Williams took her daughter over to the magazine rack to wait for Roger to come by after he finished with his customers. After a sigh, Brittany picked up the latest issue of her favorite magazine. Paintball 2Xtremes. She skimmed through the pages, not really caring too much to read the articles. She knows all about playing strategy (hell she's written a half-dozen of those for this one and other magazines) and what it's like to live out of your gearbag. She saw her latest advertisement that Angel Sports just released featuring her and a few guys from the various Angel sponsored teams. Just as she smiled at her own image, she heard a familiar voice call out to her.
"That's called loitering, you know?" she heard Roger tell her in that cynical sarcasm of his.
"Not if I intend to buy it, smart ass," she retorted, smiling brightly.
"Hey, that's a bad-ass picture of you," Roger's complimented, looking at the page in Brittany's hand. "You should remind me sometime to come watch you play. Amanda tells me that you're one of the best."
"I'm only the best because I play with the best," she answered confidently. "I put myself in the best company and play with the best equipment. Not to mention I spend nearly forty fucking hours a week training." She was smiling ear-to-ear by the time she finished her little speech.
"O.K., Brit, I get it. You don't need to sell me on anything," Roger said, completely blown away by her outburst. "A simple 'yes I am' and 'thank you' would have sufficed."
"Is Amanda upstairs?" Brittany got right to the point after making herself look good.
"Yeah. She finished her set and went up just before you and your mom walked in. You know she's been pretty down and out since you left for Japan. Care to tell me why?"
"Not really," the teenager answered, her eyes fixed to the floor. "Is she mad at me?"
Roger shook his head. "I wouldn't say she's mad at you, but she isn't happy with you either. Want me to go and get her for you?"
"Can I go up there myself? You've got some people waiting to check-out."
"Sure you can, Brit. You know you don't have to ask me that. Hell, why don't you take your mom and show her around..."
"Oh no, I'm fine," Mrs. Williams said in a hurry after, finally realizing she'd been acknowledged. Brittany just gave her a pleading look. "Brittany, this is your problem, you deal with it." She glanced over at Roger with a smirk on her face, "I'll be right her loitering for a little while."
Roger chuckled at the older woman's comment as he gave her daughter the key to the door upstairs and left to tend to his customers. Brittany felt her nerves turn into shit as that small piece of brass landed in her palm. She closed her eyes and curled her fingers around the key. The brunette gave her mother a quick hug before heading to the door that conceals the staircase to the apartment. Each step she took was harder than the previous, every inch added a pound to the weight in her heart. Brittany felt her palm aching from the grip in which she held the key. Without ever taking her eyes off the door, she walked up to it and turned the knob. The wooden obstacle opened with an eerie creaking sound, this only added to Brittany's nervousness.
After she closed the door, the teenager looked up the stairwell feeling all burdens of the world fall on her shoulders. Her heart began a slow, heavy thumping in her chest timed with every step she ascended. With every thud of her foot, she heard the same eerie creaking sound when her weight shifted over the wooden planks. One by one she climbed. Brittany would have thought the simple act of climbing this flight of stairs was taking hours to accomplish, but in reality it took her less than a minute. What a difference relativity makes. Brittany stood on the final step before the threshold staring at the locked door. How she wished to have X-Ray vision right now, how she wished she knew exactly what mood Amanda was in. Brittany's grip on the key finally loosened. She put the small piece of brass into the lock, but before it turned, she heard a noise from within the apartment. It sounded like a fairly heavy object falling to the floor and shattering on impact. Quickly then did she turn the key and knob. In her brazen haste, she fell into Roger's apartment and right into her beloved Amanda.
Brittany gasped at the impact. She noticed that Amanda was just as startled as she was. "You O.K. in here, hon?" she asked, not seeing any evidence of what caused that noise just three seconds ago.
Amanda just nodded to the positive. She saw in her Brittany some kind of fear and doubt that she hadn't seen since the second time they met. She thought about why she would be so affright, but then the answer came to her. The porcelain statuette she dropped just before she came in. 'How foolish do I feel?' she thought to herself. Amanda put on a good smile for her girl and brought her fully into her embrace.
Brittany felt a wash of panic overtake her for a brief moment, but decided to just enjoy the hug. She truly missed her and although she felt guilty as hell for leaving her in the dark all weekend, this was definitely a good welcome. Right after they broke apart from their tender, loving moment Amanda nodded over to the archway between the living room and dining area were the porcelain monument once stood but is know lying on the floor in a million pieces. They both just laughed. What else could they do, especially after what Roger said about how he wished he could just get rid of it? Brittany looked at the mess and said, "Careful what you wish for, huh?"
Brittany helped Amanda clean up the mess she made. She couldn't help but notice that all of her worry was for nothing. Amanda never once gave her so much as a questioning look or the slightest grimace about this weekend. In all honesty, Amanda was disappointed but she knows that Brittany had a lot going on. She knows how important this sport is to her Brittany and what kind of bullshit she has to go through to secure a good paycheck once she gets her career going. Why be a bitch about such trivial issues like a phone call? Amanda found her answer the minute Brittany came through the door with that worried look on her face.
A short while later, the girls were sitting in front of the TV watching something on the History Channel--neither one was paying much attention. Brittany had her mind focused on the tickets she had in her front pocket, Amanda had her mind set on what was up with her girlfriend. She is normally quiet around her (the exact opposite than when she's on the field) but there was an awkwardness about her silence. She kept staring at the coffee table in front of the couch and fidgeting with the gold chain around her neck. Even though it pleased her to see Brittany was still wearing her gift, Amanda was bothered by the situation.
Amanda pulled out her notepad and tugged on Brittany's sleeve. "what's wrong with you tonight?"
"Nothing is wrong, I'm just kinda out of it." That statement only added to her frustration.
Amanda grimaced/smiled at her girl's admission. "You don't have to lie to me, Brittany. If you've got something on your mind, just tell me."
Brittany has always been amazed by her ability to see through the bullshit anyone throws at her. Her lips curled up a little before she spoke. "I'm sorry I didn't call you this weekend, for one. I feel like shit for that, and I'm scared..." Brittany felt her voice trail off before she could finish. Her own guilt has always been a roadblock whenever she tries to explain herself, either it be her mom or back when her and Kayla were dating.
Amanda answered her fear the best way she knew how. She leaned over and lightly ran her finger's through her girlfriend's long ebony locks. Amanda put on her best smiled and continued to run her fingers through the hair of this angel beside her. Every so often, she would stop to caress her cheek with her palm. Brittany mewed at her girlfriend's touch. This quiet action spoke louder than any words. After a few short minutes, and Brittany's heart turned into melted butter, Amanda wrote on her pad again. "what are you scared of?"
"Nothing now," Brittany answered, smiling broadly. The look in her eyes instantly transformed from frightened to content.
"what are were playing with in your pocket? did you get me something when you were over there?" Amanda's smile did not go unnoticed.
"Maybe," Brittany answered smugly. Amanda put on her best sad puppy face, trying to get Brittany to just come out with it. Brittany couldn't last long against the master of beguile, especially not with how goofy and cute she looked right now. "Well, if you insist, I got us V.I.P. tickets to the String Metal Septet concert this weekend. We get to go back stage and meet the band, front row seats and a limo ride to and from the event. All compliments of the Nissan executives."
Amanda stared at her girlfriend in utter disbelief. Her mouth hung open and her heart sped up. "how the hell did you pull that one off?" she wrote on her pad.
"I just asked," Brittany said in her matter-of-fact tone. "It's amazing what a simple question can accomplish." Brittany took a deep breath before speaking again. It was Amanda's answer that scared her so much, but in light of what she just said, Brittany felt her courage rebuilt. "So, Amanda, will you go with me to the concert?"
Amanda felt a warming in her heart. The two of them may have been seeing each other for nearly two months, but this was the the first time either one of them brought up an actual date. Granted it wasn't of the romantic variety, but it was a date nonetheless. All they've ever done is hangout at each others houses, and they weren't even alone on any of those occasions. "yes I'll go with you, Brittany" Amanda wrote with glee.
Brittany was beside herself when she read Amanda's words. She jumped up and lunged at her girlfriend. Wrapped in Brittany's strong arms, Amanda fell back against the armrest. She had that gleeful smile on her face as she reciprocated. Brittany melted into her when she felt Amanda's skilled hands caressing the back of her head. The feeling in her heart was beyond happiness and elation. She hadn't felt like this since Kayla asked her out two years ago. Then a thought occurred to her. Now she could officially say that the two of them are, in fact, going out. That silly realization made her giggle a little. They may have referred to each other by the distinguished title of "girlfriend", but only know did the idea of "dating" pop into their heads.
"You know what?" Brittany said, sitting back up. Amanda smiled at her and shook her head. "This means we're actually going out." A silly, schoolgirl giggle escaped her lips. Amanda brought her hand to her mouth when she too realized that. She looked over at her girl as she continued this little giggle fit. After a couple minutes of this, Amanda cocked an eyebrow at Brittany, wondering why she couldn't stop. Her girl was beet red with embarrassment. "Sorry," Brittany offered, with a hand to her own mouth, "I don't know why I found that so funny. I guess I never really had to think about it before."
Amanda reached over for her paper and pen. "do you have any idea how cute you look when you're flushed?" She smiled at the raven-head beside her the whole time she read her words.
"Hey!" Brittany play-smacked her in the arm. "It's not my fault you make me do that. I don't know why, but whenever I'm around you I get this feeling that makes me so... so..." Brittany couldn't find the words that would best describe it.
"girly?" Amanda wrote with a grin on her face.
"Yeah," she said, feeling a bit down about that thought. All her life she's spent trying to prove herself as one of the guys (with great success, mind you). The people she respects the most even refer to her as one of the guys, which only served to further the notion. She's rarely one to act "all girly-girly", even when she was away from the field and with her female friends. Brittany left that kind of behavior to the preppy cheerleaders and their mindless cohorts. She actually felt insulted in a way to refer to herself like that, but for the moment it was the truth. Besides, this wasn't the first time that Amanda forced this kind of behavior out of her.
Amanda reached over to her girlfriend and shook her out of her own little world. She saw the hurt on her girl's face, but couldn't figure out why she would be pained by such a tiny little word. "Brittany?" she lipped to her.
Brittany put a semi-convincing smile on for her girl. "It's nothing, babe," she said halfheartedly, patting Amanda's thigh.
Amanda shot her one of her famous dagger-looks that told Brittany to fess up.
"Sorry, Amanda," Brittany answered, looking down at the cushion. "It's just a pride thing. It took me years to get rid of that name and become what I am now. And to have it thrown back in my face... and it be true... I don't know..."
Amanda kissed her on the cheek and started writing on her pad once again. Brittany gave her a weak smile as she watched Amanda begin to write vigorously, and with a determined continence. "You should NEVER have to think of being what you are as being below your status quo. There's nothing wrong with being 'girly' on occasion. You are a girl!..." Amanda hesitated a moment while Brittany read. And she did so for two reasons. One, she wanted her point to get through Brittany's thick skull and two, she wanted a minute to think over her next choice of words. "I don't want you to ever feel uncomfortable around me anymore. I think we had enough of that when we first met."
Brittany smiled a little when her eyes skimmed her girlfriend's words. "Yeah, we did. Look Amanda, I want you to understand where I'm coming from here. I really care about you and I have problem just being myself when I'm around you. Acting like an airheaded fool is not me..." Brittany's tone lowered to just above a whisper by the time she finished. She wanted so much to know why Amanda had this way with her. This hold she had on her heart, her soul and her emotions. All Amanda has to do is be near her, either physically or emotionally, and that repressed "girly" attitude comes to life. "Why do you think that is?"
Amanda was taken back by the sound of her girlfriend's tone. It was... scared, worried and bitter at the same time. She wanted so much to just tell her everything that was in her heart. She wanted her to know exactly what she's been feeling since that night at the party, but the tone of her voice proved to her that Brittany wasn't sure about her own feelings. Soon, Amanda was so far gone into her own world of thoughts that she forgot that Brittany had asked her a question. "Amanda?"
Amanda closed her eyes and smiled at her. "do you have feelings for me?" she asked pointblank via ink. She had a sweet yet serious expression on her face, but it still threw Brittany for a loop at it's bluntness.
"Of course I do," she admitted. "How could think I don't?"
"There's your answer, Brittany." Amanda wrote with a confident smile.
Brittany felt a little bit of resentment filling in her heart with the attitude Amanda just showed. She felt tears falling from her eyes as she read Amanda's response again. "Why do you have to that?! Huh? Why can't you just come out and tell me what you're feeling? Instead you seem to get some kind of joy in making me feel like a fucking idiot..." She didn't have the strength to argue beyond that point. Her eyes had gone red and her cheeks were flooded.
Amanda was stunned by her response to such a simple sentence. She quickly reached out and pulled the sobbing girl into her. The thought of making her feel like "an idiot" never once crossed her mind. Just the opposite. Amanda has always been one to help people figure things out for themselves. That's how she and Sarah lasted in that place. Every night they were together she would do the same thing to her. That was how she and Sarah were as strong as they were. It is the same reason why she does it to Brittany now, only it's now have the exact opposite effect.
All Amanda knew to do at that point as stroke her hair and let her emote. She knows that her girl was still tired from the long trip earlier today and the emotional strain she just put herself through. Any moron with half a brain could see that Brittany was hurting like she was. Unfortunately for Amanda, she didn't have any words for her like any other person would. She was forced to coo her in silence.
After a few minutes of Brittany letting everything out, she sat back up with a questioning look on her face. Amanda knew that this was not a matter that will blow over. "Amanda, why do you do that?" The hurt was still evident on her face, but she added that determination that everyone loves.
Amanda sighed before she picked up her pen once again. "I will never intentionally hurt you, love. I do that so you can see the answers for yourself. It worked the first night we 'spoke' if I'm not mistaken. It worked when I told you what you my story"... Brittany read her words and nodded at spots where she agreed. She also hated, yet loved, the amount of truth that Amanda always placed in her words. Amanda yanked on the pad, telling Brittany to let her continue. "This isn't the first time I've pissed you off though. For that, I apologize."
Brittany thought for a minute before she spoke. "No apologies needed, babe. You have enough to be sorry about. You shouldn't have to be sorry for being the way you are." Once again that old habit kicked in. She looked at her watch before saying "Shit, babe, I've gotta be going." The pair got off the couch and headed for the door. Brittany looked at her girlfriend with a smile on her face. "When do you want me to arrange the pick up next weekend?"
Amanda thought for a moment then realized that she had no idea what time the show even started. She just looked at Brittany with those sad puppy eyes. "I'll have them pick you up at six. That cool?"
Amanda just smiled and nodded. With her eyes closed, she leaned in to give her girlfriend a kiss, but Brittany was one step ahead. She grabbed Amanda by the cheeks before she passionately pressed her lips against her girl. Amanda, though stunned by the sudden contact, immediately wrapped her arms around Brittany's waist. She held on to her with all the strength in the world. Brittany moved her hands to wrap her Amanda around her neck. Both of them felt the unspoken love flowing through each others hearts and souls. The two of them felt the earlier aching in their hearts melt away with each passing, passionate moment. And damn was that ever a good feeling!
Brittany was the one who ended their loving moment. She receded away from her Amanda, but held her arms around her neck. As she opened her eyes she saw that Amanda was still living the moment, with her eyes closed and lips holding their "kissing posture". This made Brittany giggle a little, which brought Amanda out of their created reality and back to the real world. Even though her eyes were as black as Death's face, Brittany could see the love she had running rampant in them. She too felt it, running wild through her own heart. After a moment of just gazing into each other's eyes, Brittany decided to speak up. "I guess I'll see you later, hon."
Amanda just nodded and loosened her grasp on her waist. Brittany took off down the stairwell with the bounce and glow of someone madly in love. Amanda stood there, watching her skip down each step. She smiled knowing that she caused her to be so "girly" only this time she seemed to enjoy it. Brittany paused for an instant at the door that leads into the store and looked up at her. She smiled, blew her a kiss and walked out.
As she watched her disappear from the stairwell, Amanda silently lipped "I love you, Brittany".