Disclaimer: The following is a work of fiction. It contains characters who share names, descriptions, etc., with real-life people (specifically members of the group *N SYNC and their families); however, this is all fantasy and in no way is to insinuate anything about those people.
Thanks to several good friends who have encouraged this story-- especially Raul, Rick, Terry, and Tonny. And as always, very special thanks to Eriker!
Thanks for reading--hope you will enjoy. Comments are welcome. E-mail me at storywrightr@aol.com. Thanks.
Note: In the earlier parts of this story, I tried very hard to work with the publicized schedule for *N SYNC. In this and future parts, I will vaguely follow information I have, but will take much more license with that part of reality as well as the rest.
December 11, 1999, 9:45 AM
The two men made their way down the stairs and out the door onto the sidewalk. No words were spoken as they walked side-by-side toward the lake. The lake with the cross and the benches. It had taken on a special meaning for the two. It was, after all, where they first spoke to each other--in person. Where they had first laid eyes on each other. It had become a ritual to visit the lakefront "chapel" last thing before JC had to leave town.
As always, they took the same seats they had that first evening-- the front row of benches, JC on the left side of the aisle, Jared on the right, facing the lake. They sat in silence for several moments.
"I love coming here. It's so peaceful," JC said softly, as if he didn't want to disturb the peace.
"I used to think of it that way."
"What? You don't like it here?" JC questioned with concern in his voice.
"No, it's very beautiful. It's just what it's come to represent. It means 'goodbye.' Not the most pleasant of thoughts for me." Jared looked out over the lake, aware that JC had turned to stare at him.
"I'm sorry. We don't have to do this anymore. You should have said something."
"It's okay. Rituals are good, right? I guess I'm just feeling a little down. You're going to be gone for quite a while this time. I'm going to miss you."
"Hey, I'm going to miss you too. But it's so wonderful to know you're in my life. It's like this wonderful foundation for the rest of my crazy life. You're like my rock. I'm not sure I could do all the rest anymore if I didn't know I had you in my life. And even if I can't see you, I can talk to you. Or get wonderful e-mail notes from you." "Yeah." Jared still stared at the lake. He was afraid to look at JC at this point. Afraid he'd start to cry. Why was he feeling this so hard today? It sure wasn't the first time they had said goodbye.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I don't give you that kind of happiness."
Jared jerked his head toward JC, brows almost meeting as he frowned at him. "You bring me more happiness than all the rest of the world combined! Don't you know that?" He almost yelled the words at JC.
JC's expression went from mild shock to a soft small smile. "Thanks. . . . Jared, I'm so sorry that I can't be here with you always. Especially right now. Something is really bothering you, isn't it?"
"I don't know. Holidays maybe. I don't do holidays well. They make me feel so alone."
"Alone? You aren't alone! Not as long as I'm alive. Not REALLY alone."
"Thanks, sweet boy. It's just some old demons haunting me today, I guess."
"I'm sorry. And I'm sorry I can't scare them away."
"You do. That's probably the fear--that without you here, they'll come back to haunt me more. But that's not your problem."
"HEY! Your problems ARE my problems! You've made so many of my 'demons' go away. I'd like to do the same for you. . . . We gotta go."
"Why? I thought we were early enough to be here a while. What's up?" Jared asked, fearing he had less time with JC than he had thought.
"I need to stop at the apartment before I leave."
"Oh. Did you forget something?" Jared asked curiously.
"Yeah. I forgot that I'd really, really need to hug you and kiss you again the last moment before saying goodbye to you--and that I couldn't do that out here."
Jared smiled a small smile at JC. "You are the most special person in the whole world. And I'm the luckiest person."
JC smiled broadly. "Well, I'd argue those statements with you. I know this guy named Jared--now HE'S the most special person! And I'M the luckiest!"
"Let's go. I want that hug."
Jared and JC walked out of the apartment again a half hour later. They went toward JC's car.
"I have this for you," Jared said as he held out a small package.
"Left over chicken?" JC asked.
"NO, silly! Open it if you want to see what it is."
Opening the folded plastic bag, JC reached in and took out a CD case. "Hey! The Ella CD I like so much! You played it the first night we were together. But you'll miss it--it's one of your favorites."
"Yeah, and I'll miss you too--you're one of my favorites too. I've been meaning to get you a copy and keep forgetting."
"That's okay. I sort of liked that it was something I only heard when I was at your place."
"Oh. You don't want to take it?" Jared asked with concern.
"No! I mean yes! I mean I'd love to take it with me. I'll probably wear it out. It'll make me think of you . . . and of being here with you."
"Good. I like the idea of you thinking of me sometimes" Jared looked at JC with a kind of innocent and somehow self-deprecating expression.
"Yeah. This will really help, actually--if it weren't for this CD, you'd probably slip my mind before I even got to the airport." JC was shaking his head and acting relieved--before he burst into laughter.
"Asshole," Jared responded, before joining in the laughter.
"I'm sorry. Had to kid you some. If you don't know that you're constantly on my mind, you haven't been paying very good attention to me."
"Sorry. Like I said, old demons visiting today."
"You know I can't hug you out here on the street. But maybe a word hug . . . Jared, once again last night, you made me feel more special than any person has a right to feel. Until the day I die, I can't imagine ever forgetting you for a single moment as long as I breathe."
Jared drew a quick breath. "Wow. You sure give great word hugs."
"Good. I wanted you to feel as if you were held strong and hard and would never really be alone." JC looked into Jared's eyes so intensely that Jared could hardly stand to return the gaze.
"You better go, cause I'm not so good with word hugs--and if I keep feeling like this, I'm going to resort to the old-fashioned kind--you know? With arms. Maybe even legs!" The two men smiled at each other.
JC walked around the car and got in. After starting the ignition, JC lowered the window on the passenger side where Jared was standing. Jared leaned down, resting his arms on the window sill. JC reached over and ran his finger down the side of Jared's face to his chin. Then he tapped Jared on the nose, making him smile.
"Soon," JC said softly.
"Soon."
December 11, 1999, 2:35 PM
Jared: Hello?
JC: Hi! How are you?
Jared: Hey! WHERE ARE YOU?
JC: The airport. The flight will probably be called in a few minutes. So this is how I chose to spend the time!
Jared: That's sweet. Thanks.
JC: How are the demons?
Jared: Better. Thanks. And sorry.
JC: Hey! Nothing to be sorry about! Forgot to ask you what you're doing the rest of the day.
Jared: Going to try and do some writing. Seeing Paul tonight-- movie, something to eat, whatever.
JC: Well, have fun. I just wanted to have one more chance to tell you--wait, just a minute. . . . Um, let's see, uh . . .
Jared: Let me guess, someone just moved close to you.
JC: Yes, that's right.
Jared: Hmmm . . . Now I guess I'll never know what you were going to say to me.
JC: I think you can figure it out.
Jared: Really? Hmmm . . . let me see. OH! I got it! You wanted to tell me that you liked my chicken again last night!
JC: [sounding as if he were talking through gritted teeth] No, that wasn't it, though that's true too.
Jared: Let me see, what could it be? OH! Now I got it!
JC: Good!
Jared: The Ella CD--you wanted to say that you're really happy to have it to take with you! You do have it right?
JC: JARED!
Jared: [laughing] I'm sorry.
JC: Shit. You should be. Everyone in the room just looked at me. God I must be blushing like a idiot.
Jared: [trying to control his laughter] I really am sorry. Is it okay? Will you have to make up some story?
JC: Probably. Any suggestions?
Jared: Well, who might you be talking to?
JC: My sister maybe?
Jared: Okay, if anyone asks, she said she likes some guy named Jared--and you think he's a jerk.
JC: That's good--staying close to the truth.
Jared: WHAT? That was mean!
JC: [laughing] And what you did wasn't? I have to be careful with you. Talk to you only in private! I like being very, very private with you.
Jared: Me too. Hey! Is this how you talk to your sister?
JC: [laughing again] No, silly. I walked over by the window--no one's close now. Meaning I can tell you that I love you. And I miss you. And you are always in my heart and always on my mind.
Jared: [softly] Oh Josh--I love you too. You know we're almost to our three-month anniversary?
JC: I know--next Friday. Sorry I won't be with you. We'll celebrate later though.
Jared: Every time I'm with you is worth a celebration. Thanks for making this work, Josh--with the distance, the secrecy, the superstardom, and all the other shit.
JC: I think that should be MY line. I should be thanking you for making it work.
Jared: Guess it takes us both. I'm going to keep trying!
JC: Good! Me too. . . . I guess I better go; looks like we're about to board.
Jared: Talk soon. Thanks for calling. Have fun!
JC: You too.
Jared: Bye.
JC: Bye.
Subj: Hello Date: 12/12/99 2:33 AM EST From: wrightr To: sing4u
Hey there, big guy,
I miss you. It's the middle of the night. I should be asleep. But there's no reason I have to get up early tomorrow, so I've just been up trying to do some writing--and not succeeding. The demons, I guess. Got to get to the bottom of that--someday. Whatever.
Don't work too hard, okay? I know it's a really busy time and all. Be sure to sleep and eat right, okay? Just want my man to stay healthy!
Love you--a lot!
Jared
Subj: Re: Hello Date: 12/12/99 2:51 PM EST From: sing4u To: wrightr
Hey sweetie,
I'm so sorry I'm not there with you. You sound like you need an extra pair of hands (or lips?) to fight those demons. And here I am useless all these miles away. I hope it helps a little for me to tell you how much I love you. I really do, you know? Maybe if you tell me more about what's bothering you? Just to talk about it? Just to put it into words? Would that help? Ha ha. Me telling that to a writer. Guess you already know that, huh?
Jared--I love you so much. You have done so much for me. Please let me help you too, okay? Can't wait to see you.
Love,
Josh
Subj: You there? Date: 12/13/99 1:40 PM EST From: sing4u To: wrightr
Hey sweetie,
Where are you? Didn't hear from you last night or today. You just really busy? Hope so. Hope you got into your writing big time last night. Back at work today, right?
I was dead last night. I could hardly stay awake long enough to get to bed. Didn't even get undressed! Just fell into bed, pushed off my shoes, and slept.
On lunch break now. Brought my laptop with me so I could log on.
Okay. Please just send me a note that you're okay, okay?
I love you,
Josh
Subj: Re: You there? Date: 12/13/99 7:40 PM EST From: wrightr To: sing4u
Hey Josh,
Sorry--didn't mean to worry you. I'm okay. Just working through some things. NOT about you and me. Just me. Left over family stuff, I guess.
Don't worry about me, okay Josh? You have enough on your mind with work.
Take care, my sweetheart.
I love you,
Jared
Subj: Thanks Date: 12/13/99 11:21 PM EST From: sing4u To: wrightr
Hi Baby,
Thanks for writing. On my way to bed, but had to check for a note from you! So nice to find one.
I DO worry about you Jared. Why wouldn't I? How could I not? You mean the world to me. Can't I help you work the things out? You know, you've never talked about your family. I've avoided asking cause I thought you didn't want to talk. But if it's bothering you, shouldn't you talk about it? I'd like to listen.
Write me soon.
Love,
Josh
Subj: Hello Date: 12/14/99 1:44 PM EST From: sing4u To: wrightr
Hey Sweetie,
Lunch break again. And guess who I thought of? These rehearsals are getting so tiresome. So much to learn. I just want to sleep though.
How are you? What's going on at work?
Okay. Write soon!
Love,
Josh
December 15, 1999, 1:34 PM
Jared's Work Voicemail: You've reached Jared Wright in the Art Department. I can't take your call right now, but I'd be happy to return your call as soon as possible. Be sure to leave your number. Thanks.
JC: Hey Jared, it's me. On my lunch break and thought I'd try and get you by phone. Missed getting an e-mail from you. Call me, okay? I'll either take the call or if I absolutely can't, you'll get my voice mail. It'd be great to hear your voice. So call me! Kay? Bye.
December 15, 1999, 3:31 PM
Jared's Work Voicemail: You've reached Jared Wright in the Art Department. I can't take your call right now, but I'd be happy to return your call as soon as possible. Be sure to leave your number. Thanks.
JC: Hey Jared, it's me again. Bathroom break. They're really drivin' us today! Um, was hoping I'd catch you, but missed you again. Maybe later. Bye.
December 15, 1999, 4:44 PM
Jared's Work Voicemail: You've reached Jared Wright in the Art Department. I can't take your call right now, but I'd be happy to return your call as soon as possible. Be sure to leave your number. Thanks.
JC: Hey did you leave work early or something? Maybe you're in meetings. Hope you find these messages. Or I'll try you later at home or something. Ah oh--they're coming for me--better go! Call me!
December 15, 1999, 11:13 PM
Jared's Home Answering Machine: Hey it's Jared. Leave me a message. Thanks.
JC: I just got in to my room--you believe how long a day we had? Sure wanted to talk to you today. Sorry I kept missing you. You out with Paul tonight? Call me, okay? I don't care if YOU wake me! Call me.
December 16, 1999, 10:01 AM
Jared's Work Voicemail: You've reached Jared Wright in the Art Department. I can't take your call right now, but I'd be happy to return your call as soon as possible. Be sure to leave your number. Thanks.
JC: I really thought I'd catch you this time. You gone into meetings already? PLEASE call! I want to talk to you! Bye.
December 16, 1999, 12:54 PM
Jared's Work Voicemail: You've reached Jared Wright in the Art Department. I can't take your call right now, but I'd be happy to return your call as soon as possible. Be sure to leave your number. Thanks.
JC: I'm getting worried now. What should I do? Please call me!
December 16, 1999, 3:15 PM
Receptionist: Bartles, Bacon, and Michaels, how may I help you?
JC: I've been leaving messages on Jared Wright's voice mail but I haven't heard back from him. Is he in?
Receptionist: Just a moment sir.
Art Department: Art Department, may I help you?
JC: Oh, sorry. I was trying to reach Jared Wright.
Art Department: He's not in today, may I help you?
JC: Oh, I see. Um, no it's personal--I'm a friend of his from out of town. Is he on a business trip or something?
Art Department: No, he's out sick. I'm not sure when he'll be back.
JC: Oh, okay. Thanks for the information. Thanks.
December 16, 1999, 3:19 PM
Jared's Home Answering Machine: Hey it's Jared. Leave me a message. Thanks.
JC: Hey. They just told me at your office that you're out sick. I hope it's nothing too serious. Also hope I didn't just wake you. Rest. Do whatever the doctor says to do. Wish I was there to play nurse. I feel pretty helpless here. If you think of anything I can do, let me know, okay? And let me know when you're better. I'm worried about you. And I love you. Bye.
December 16, 1999, 7:13 PM
Paul: [sounding irritated] Hello?
JC: Um, hi. Is this Jared's place?
Paul: [more irritated] Yes.
JC: May I speak to him?
Paul: He's asleep.
JC: Oh. Who's this?
Paul: [very irritated] Who are you?
JC: Um, I'm, uh, Josh.
Paul: [with surprise] Josh? THE Josh?
JC: Um, what do you mean? There are lots of Joshes in the world.
Paul: I MEAN, you're JARED'S Josh?
JC: Um, yeah, I guess so.
Paul: Hmmm . . . and I thought you weren't real.
JC: Huh?
Paul: I thought he had just made you up to get me to stop setting him up. And here you are. Well that takes care of my first assumption.
JC: Assumption?
Paul: Yeah, about you.
JC: Oh. Um, what were the others?
Paul: Oh, I have a few. [pause]
JC: Um, they told me at his office that Jared's sick.
Paul: Bright one, aren't you? Yes, he's very sick. Some stomach thing or food poisoning or something. He's sleeping now. He's pretty weak.
JC: Has he been to the doctor?
Paul: Yes, junior. I took him myself on my lunch hour today.
JC: What did the doctor say?
Paul: What I just told you. Somethin' wrong with the tummy. He just has to be careful about what he eats for a few days and try to get his strength back.
JC: When did it start?
Paul: Couple days ago, I guess; not sure. Where are you?
JC: Um, where am I?
Paul: Is it a hearing problem? Language? Stupidity? AVOIDANCE?
JC: What are you talking about? Who are you anyway?
Paul: Paul.
JC: YOU are PAUL?
Paul: Yes--what about it?
JC: Um, nothing. I guess you just aren't what I expected.
Paul: Ditto.
JC: Huh?
Paul: HUH? YOU are not what I expected either.
JC: Oh. I see. Um, Canada.
Paul: What? Oh, I get it--the question about where you were just sunk in, right?
JC: Just realized I hadn't answered it.
Paul: Figures. WAY out of town. As usual. By the way, how's the wife and kids?
JC: [incredulously] WHAT? What wife and kids?
Paul: Just checking. That was another assumption. I mean, you're always gone. When you are here, the two of you just sit around this stinking apartment. I mean it's strange. Jared used to be a lot of fun--now he just mopes around when you're supposedly out of town and hides out when you're in town. Becoming a major drag.
JC: Oh. Sorry. I guess we do stay in a lot. But we enjoy it that way.
Paul: YOU enjoy it that way. Jared always liked going out-- dinner, movies, dancing, whatever.
JC: Really?
Paul: So you aren't married, huh?
JC: NO!
Paul: That was my strongest hunch. Thought that was why Jared kept you such a secret. He knew you for like months or something before he ever even admitted to me that there was somebody. How'd you meet anyway?
JC: He didn't tell you?
Paul: [drawn out with attitude] Nooooo.
JC: We met online.
Paul: OH GOD! No wonder he wouldn't admit it! I don't believe it! How crazy is he?
JC: What's wrong with that? We got to know each other online, then we met. It's been wonderful.
Paul: For you maybe. What about poor Jared? Sitting around waiting for you to grace his apartment with your presence. He needs to have someone who's really available--wife or no wife. And I'm still not completely convinced on that one.
JC: [getting angry] Who cares if you are? Who are you to treat me like this? What right do you have? Jared and I love each other.
Paul: [full of sarcasm] Ain't that sweet! A lot of good it does him!
JC: It makes him happy.
Paul: Oh yeah, he seems really happy to me!
JC: Shut the fuck up! Listen, can you manage to just tell Jared that I called? Is that too much to ask? I think he'd like to know, okay?
Paul: Sure junior, whatever!
JC: Man, I'd never have thought Jared's best friend would act like you.
Paul: Same for me, babe! You ain't all that impressive either.
JC: Just tell him, okay?
Paul: Sure. I'll tell him.
Subj: Sorry Date: 12/16/99 8:23 PM EST From: sing4u To: wrightr
Hey Sweetie,
My poor sweetie. I'm so sorry you are sick. Paul told me you went to the doctor and all. Hope you are feeling better soon. You think it was food poisoning?
I wish I was there. Wish I could do something to help. I'm pretty useless, huh?
I love you, Jared. I hope that means something to you.
Josh
Subj: Hey again Date: 12/17/99 12:14 PM EST From: sing4u To: wrightr
Hey Sweetie,
I wanted to call you, but was afraid I'd wake you. I hope you are resting and getting well. I miss you SO much Jared! They're starting to yell at me in rehearsals; guess my heart's not in it. It's so weird, you know? When I can talk to you or get an e-mail from you each day, it's like I'm on top of the world. It's not as good as seeing you, but it's enough. It's enough to make me know I'm connected to you. And that you love me. And that gives me all this energy or something. I'm not explaining this very well. You know me, just a song writer; you're the one that can really write!
I love you, Jared. I wish that would make you feel better.
Josh
December 17, 1999, 9:01 PM
JC: Hello?
Jared: [weakly] Hi, Josh. How are you?
JC: JARED! Oh baby, I missed you SO much! How are YOU?
Jared: [laughing softly] Much better talking to you.
JC: Oh Jared, I'm so sorry I'm not there. I'd love to be your nurse and take care of you.
Jared: Nurse? Don't you mean play "doctor"?
JC: Silly. You must be feeling better! Are you?
Jared: Yeah. Still kind of weak. Whatever this was, it really took all my energy. I'm trying to eat right to get my energy back.
JC: I wanted to call every hour, but I was afraid you'd be sleeping.
Jared: You were just afraid Paul would answer again. [laughing]
JC: Huh? Oh. [joining the laughter] Yeah, maybe you're right. You heard about that? I don't think he likes me much. Doesn't think I'm very good for you--or to you.
Jared: Hey! That's Paul's problem--not ours. Don't worry about Paul.
JC: But he's your best friend. He cares about you. He said you've changed. I'm sorry if I've changed you.
Jared: Can we talk about this later? I mean, when I'm not feeling well physically, I don't feel so good emotionally either. I get kind of mushy and sappy and sad.
JC: Now I really wish I was there--I'd like taking care of you while you were all mushy! And maybe I could help with the sad.
Jared: I'm sure you could. You have now--on the phone. You make me feel much better.
JC: Oh Jared . . .
Jared: Josh . . . are you . . . crying?
JC: [sniffs] Um . . . I just feel so useless. You do so much to make me feel better all the time. And I can't even be there for you. Maybe Paul is right. You should be with someone who can take you out and do things with you.
Jared: Josh, I love you. And I know you love me. That's more important to me than anything. It does make me feel good--like you said. Please don't worry about Paul. He has ideas of what I should be doing all the time. And guess what? We seldom agree! So I want you to feel better too. I get to see you soon, right?
JC: [sniffs again] Another week. I'm not sure which day we'll get out of here.
Jared: I'll be looking forward to it. And to talking to you between now and then.
JC: Thanks Jared. [laughs] I was supposed to be making YOU feel better, not the other way around.
Jared: Hey, you did make me feel better! You made me feel like you really care about me.
JC: YOU DIDN'T KNOW?
Jared: [laughs] Yeah, I knew; but it's nice to be reminded. And it's nice to know we can be there for each other--even miles and miles apart.
JC: You always know what to say to make me feel better. I really do love you Jared! I really do. Enough that if you would be happier with someone Paul can fix you up with, I want you to do that, okay?
Jared: Hey! Trying to get rid of me? [laughing]
JC: NEVER! Never as long as I live! . . . Unless it would make you happier.
Jared: Okay. I'll keep that in mind. I'll let you know if I ever want to take you up on that. In the meantime, FORGET IT! [laughs]
JC: [laughs] Yes sir!
Jared: Now you're getting the attitude right!
JC: Sleep. Feel better. Get well. . . . Know I love you.
Jared: Yes sir, yourself! I love you. Sleep well.
JC: I will now.
Jared: Night Josh.
JC: Night baby.
Jared: Night.
JC: Night.
Subj: Hi Date: 12/17/99 10:11 PM EST From: sing4u To: wrightr
Hey Sweetie,
Thanks for calling. You made me feel so good. So loved. Not sure if it helped YOU any! hahahaha But it sure helped me.
Are you eating right? Are you feeling better? Stronger? Ready to wrestle? (Or play doctor?)
Hope you see this. I forgot to ask if you were using your computer yet.
We also forgot to talk about it being our three-month anniversary today. At least the anniversary of us meeting face to face. And the anniversary of something else too. I wish I was there to celebrate with you.
I love you, Jared. Just one more week, right?
Josh
Subj: Re: Hi Date: 12/18/99 10:31 AM EST From: wrightr To: sing4u
Hi Josh,
You're so sweet to me. I love you. Thanks for being worried--but try not to be, okay? I'm feeling much stronger than I was. I'm sure I'll go back to work on Monday (I better!).
It was fun to find your e-mails when I finally signed on today. Can you believe I hadn't signed on for so many days?
I can't wait to see you. We'll celebrate our anniversary right-- in every way we can (know what I mean?).
When exactly will I see you--I mean for Christmas and all? What are your plans?
Love,
Jared
Subj: Hey Jared! Date: 12/18/99 11:51 PM EST From: sing4u To: wrightr
Hey Jared,
LOOK WHAT TIME IT IS!!! We didn't get a real break all day! And had to work until we went to eat about an hour ago! I am SO beat! Really wanted to talk to you by phone, but was afraid this was too late--especially with you having been sick.
Thanks for the e-mail! Glad to have you back on-line!
They told us tonight that we'll probably be taking flights the morning of December 24, putting us in Orlando midday. My family is coming to Orlando for the week rather than me going to them, which is nice. We'll do Christmas with Justin's family.
I love you, Jared. See you soon!
Josh
Subj: Re: Hey Jared! Date: 12/19/99 4:38 PM EST From: wrightr To: sing4u
Hey Josh,
Sorry you're having to work so hard and such long hours. You're really going to be ready for a break, huh?
I'm feeling better. Being lazy today--want to feel strong enough for work tomorrow.
So you get here on the 24th--that means I won't see you before Christmas; I'm going to drive down to my friend Debbie's Thursday evening. She lives in Lauderdale. I'm going to be there for the weekend.
Hope you enjoy your time with your family. That's great that you will all be together.
Talk soon.
Love,
Jared
Subj: Re: Re: Hey Jared! Date: 12/19/99 11:21 PM EST From: sing4u To: wrightr
Hi Jared,
Thanks for the e-mail. Just got it. Another late night. We aren't even really getting breaks during the day. But we're down to the last week up here, so I guess it's understandable.
I didn't know you were going to be away. You never mentioned it. Are these new plans? When do you get back? When will I get to see you? I miss you so much.
Hope you are really well now and will feel okay at work tomorrow.
I love you, Jared. I miss you.
Josh
Subj: plans Date: 12/20/99 7:19 PM EST From: wrightr To: sing4u
Hey Josh,
Lousy week for you guys, huh? Will you finish everything in time? What happens if you don't? Will you have to go back after Christmas?
Work went okay today--mostly spent the day just catching up on things--figuring out what other people did and didn't do on my projects--what deadlines are critical and so forth. Actually, it wasn't too bad a day--just a lot of organizing things. With the holidays there isn't really all that much going on.
I've gone to Debbie's the last couple of years for Christmas eve and Christmas day. We just talked on the phone and confirmed things for this year. I kind of hate being at home on Christmas-- just makes me feel alone, you know? I don't feel comfortable going to my brother's, and Paul always goes home to his parents' place in Atlanta. Debbie's Jewish, so she doesn't celebrate Christmas, but she enjoys the company. We have fun. Rent movies. Fix dinner. Go out to movies and dinner. Stuff like that.
Good luck with getting through this week! Hope it's not too awful!
Love,
Jared
Subj: Hi Date: 12/20/99 11:58 PM EST From: sing4u To: wrightr
Hi Jared,
Yeah, it is a busy week for us, but they promise us that we'll be done before Christmas and won't have to return.
Glad you're getting back into things at work.
You didn't tell me when you're coming back from Debbie's. When do I get to see you? Or are you taking Paul's advice and realizing I'm not good for you? Maybe he's right, huh? Just want to know when I can see you. When I can give you your present and stuff.
I'm so tired. Someone has to explain to me how these really long days make sense. We're all so tired we keep making mistakes. Wouldn't it make sense to rest and do it then? Sorry, not making sense I guess. Just tired.
I love you and I miss you.
Josh
December 21, 1999, 8:01 PM
Jared's Home Answering Machine: Hey it's Jared. Leave me a message. Thanks.
JC: Just on a break and checked my e-mail again. Nothin' from you. You busy getting ready for your trip? Out shopping or something? Seems like forever since I heard your voice. I miss you. And I still don't even know when I get to see you. Please call me back. If I'm working, you can leave a voice mail message, okay? I love you Jared.
Subj: Miss you Date: 12/22/99 11:13 PM EST From: sing4u To: wrightr
Jared,
Are you okay? I hope you aren't sick again. I hate to start on a thing about why aren't you talking to me if you aren't cause you can't, you know? I mean if you are sick in bed or something. But Jared, we have to do this better, you know? We have to stay in touch better. I miss you so much. You aren't leaving me are you? I don't know what I'd do if you were. I know I don't deserve you, but I love you so much. I'm sorry I'm away all the time.
You still haven't told me when you're coming back from Debbie's. When do I get to see you? Please tell me Jared.
I love you and I miss you. I really do.
Josh
Subj: Re: Miss you Date: 12/23/99 5:19 PM EST From: wrightr To: sing4u
Hey Josh,
I'm really, really sorry. I think I told you before you left that holidays are kind of hard for me. They always make me feel so alone--so lonely. That's why I can't stand to spend them at home--that really makes me feel alone.
Paul always goes home to his parents. I guess I'm a little jealous of that. Also sometimes I don't really understand it very well. To hear him talk about them, you'd think he hates them. But I guess when it comes down to it, people want to be with their families. Funny, even when my parents were alive, I didn't really want to be with them. But I usually was--at least it was someplace to be. And my mother would say she wanted me there.
Don't mind me; just kind of feeling sorry for myself I guess. Like I've said, the demons. I get really depressed this time of year. Someday I just want to be in a relationship that's like a family, you know? Where he's my family and I'm his and we spend special times together. Fantasyland! Guess that's why I like to write so much--escape!
Sorry you thought I was sick. Ha! Maybe you were right!
I'm leaving in a few minutes. Got away from work about an hour early. Have the car all packed. Not sure when I'm coming back from Debbie's. Guess I'll call you at some point.
I really want you to have a wonderful, wonderful Christmas, okay Josh? Enjoy it and treasure it!
I really love you too. And I really miss you too. I'll see you soon.
Love,
Jared
I'm sorry.
Subj: Re: Re: Miss you Date: 12/23/99 11:49 PM EST From: sing4u To: wrightr
My wonderful dear Jared,
I'm the one who is sorry. Really, really sorry. I'm so sorry that you are upset and not feeling well. In all the time we've known each other, before and after we met, you've still not told me about your family. I don't know what happened. I guess it wasn't too good, huh?
But why are you closing me out? I have to be with my family some of the time, but not all of the time. I could have slipped away sometime. I really wanted to see you. This is our first Christmas. It should be special for us.
It kind of hurt my feelings when you talked about the kind of relationship you want to have someday. I guess it felt like a shock that you were thinking about another relationship. I just think about ours. I just want ours to last forever. Are you telling me it won't?
I don't even know if you can pick this up from Debbie's. You taking your laptop? You going to sign on any? I hope so. You didn't give me a number to call you at. I don't know Debbie's last name.
I hope you have a good time down there. Enjoy the movies or whatever.
I don't know what to say. I just suddenly feel so empty. Please call me.
I love you and I miss you.
Josh
December 24, 1999, 2:15 PM
Jared's Home Answering Machine: Hey it's Jared. Leave me a message. Thanks.
JC: Hey. Just thought I'd leave a message in case you are picking them up. I'm back in Orlando. Waiting for the luggage at the airport. Standing in a corner trying to look inconspicuous. And leaving a message for my beloved Jared. To wish him a happy Christmas eve! I miss you. Call me.
December 25, 1999, 1:19 AM
Jared's Home Answering Machine: Hey it's Jared. Leave me a message. Thanks.
JC: It's officially Christmas day. Merry Christmas. My family just left to go back to the condo they rented for the week. It just seems easier for me to stay here at Justin's. Nice to not live out of a suitcase for a week. We're all celebrating together here tomorrow anyway--or later this morning, I guess it is. I think everyone will start arriving about 10 to open presents and then have breakfast. We'll do a big dinner in the afternoon. It's always a lot of fun. Somehow it doesn't seem as much fun this year. Hope you're having fun. Bye.
December 25, 1999, 2:10 PM
Jared's Home Answering Machine: Hey it's Jared. Leave me a message. Thanks.
JC: Hey. It's me. I'm out in Justin's back yard--escaping everyone. It's kind of crazy in the house. A few too many people. . . . And one very special one is missing. I wish I was with you. I'm sorry I'm not. [sniff] I better go.
December 26, 1999, 2:44 PM
Jared's Home Answering Machine: Hey it's Jared. Leave me a message. Thanks.
JC: Hi. Back from church. The whole family went. Everyone is resting now before we go to Disney at 4:00. . . . I wish I knew if you were picking these messages up. I have finally figured it out Jared. I fucked up. I just thought it was natural to be with my family for Christmas. It's what I've always done. I never thought what that would feel like for you. That you'd feel left out. Especially since you wouldn't be with family. But guess what? I never thought about what it would feel like for me either. God I miss you! I just kept feeling like I was supposed to be with YOU and I wasn't. I'm sorry I hurt you Jared. But you know what? You could have talked to me about it. You could have helped me see what I was doing. We have to talk more, Jared! About how we're feeling and what we do and stuff. But you just kind of ran away from me. I mean, it's like you didn't want it to work out--you didn't even give it a chance. Did you ever think maybe you didn't WANT to be happy on the holidays? That you're so used to being sad that [BEEP]
December 27, 1999, 9:13 AM
Justin: Hello.
Jared: Um, Josh?
Justin: No, he's in the shower I think--or someplace; I just heard his phone ringing.
Jared: Oh, okay, thanks.
Justin: Wait! Who's calling?
Jared: Um, oh nobody.
Justin: [laughing] Wow, for a nobody you sure do a great imitation of a somebody! At least tell me your name, then I can tell JC you called.
Jared: That's okay.
Justin: What? Is it some big secret? A drug deal! Is it a drug deal?
Jared: WHAT? NO! Josh doesn't do drugs!
Justin: [laughing again] I know. I was just kidding you. Sorry. Come on, tell me your name.
Jared: Um, I'm Jared.
Justin: JARED?
Jared: Um, yeah; why? And, um, who are you?
Justin: Oh sorry--that was pretty rude of me--I'm Justin. Justin Timberlake.
Jared: OH!
Justin: So you're the guy JC talks to all the time, huh?
Jared: What? What do you mean?
Justin: I mean whenever he's off in a corner, if I sneak up close I sometimes hear your name.
Jared: Oh. Um, I guess we talk once in a while.
Justin: Hey, look, don't get nervous. It's cool with me.
Jared: WHAT'S cool with you?
Justin: You and JC.
Jared: I don't know what you mean.
Justin: Well, you do, but you're trying to play dumb. That's okay. If you guys want to keep it a secret.
Jared: I'm not sure what all this is about, but I think you should probably be talking to Josh about it.
Justin: Okay, sure. . . . I thought maybe I'd finally see you or meet you over Christmas. Are you in town?
Jared: I just got back. I was down in Lauderdale.
Justin: Cool. That where your family lives?
Jared: No, I just went down to see a friend.
Justin: Oh, I see . . . I thought you must be away. JC's not been himself. He's been kind of moping around.
Jared: Huh? What do you mean?
Justin: I don't know; just not himself.
Jared: Why would that have anything to do with me?
Justin: Okay, we can play coy or whatever. But I'm not as stupid as I look. And I don't care what they say, all that bleach has not killed my brain cells. JC's on the phone all the time. He checks his e-mail at all hours. Anytime we're in Orlando he's always off on his own, never time for the guys. And now, he's been moping around. I ain't no Einstein, but I can add up that stuff and figure out boyfriend.
Jared: God . . .
Justin: Hey, I told you, it's cool with me. But why's he moping around? You guys have a fight or something?
Jared: You really aren't going to give up on this, are you? You really believe what you are saying.
Justin: [small laugh] Yeah, I do. . . . Hey, you coming to Hawaii?
Jared: WHAT?
Justin: Hawaii. We have to work, but there's no reason you couldn't be there. Be at the party. Have a private celebration before hand.
Jared: I think I must be dreaming. I gotta go wake up or something. My head is kinda spinning.
Justin: Oh sorry, you not feelin' well?
Jared: Something like that.
Justin: Okay, well, I'll tell JC you called. And you're home?
Jared: Yeah. If he wants to call me.
Justin: He will! Believe me!
Jared: Um, thanks.
Justin: Later Jared!
Jared: Yeah. Bye.
December 27, 1999, 9:41 AM
Jared: Hello?
JC: Jared! I can't believe I'm finally talking to you! I miss you! And I love you!
Jared: Hi Josh. I miss you too. And I love you too.
JC: I'm sorry about that last message. It was pretty mean of me. I didn't mean--
Jared: No, no, it was okay. I think you were probably right about some things. Especially about me needing to talk more. And maybe I'm so used to being lonely I'm comfortable with it. Maybe it's being with someone that's uncomfortable. I gotta think about that and figure it out.
JC: Can WE think about it and figure it out?
Jared: [small laugh] Maybe. That would be nice. . . . But Josh, I think you have to deal with something else first. Did you talk to Justin?
JC: Huh? Yeah. He said he had answered my phone. Took the message to call Jared.
Jared: Well, we talked for a while actually. Well, HE talked. I just sort of sat here--not answering for the most part.
JC: What did you talk about?
Jared: Josh, I think you need to talk to him. He was making a lot of assumptions about who I am. I tried to play dumb, but he didn't seem to believe me.
JC: WHAT DID YOU SAY?
Jared: Nothing! When I told him my name, he said something about me being the one you talk to on the phone all the time in corners and stuff. And that you were moping around.
JC: Oh SHIT! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!
Jared: [silence]
JC: I can't believe this. No wonder he had that smile on his face when he told me you called.
Jared: [pause] Smile? That's a good thing right?
JC: Shit.
Jared: Um, I'm going to go, okay? Sounds like you need to do some thinking. Or talking. Or something.
JC: I can't believe this.
Jared: So, um, I guess, um, I'll be talking to you or whatever. . . . I hope.
JC: I just can't believe this.
Jared: [silence]
JC: I gotta go. I just have to hang up now.
Jared: Kay.
JC: Bye.
Jared: Bye.
December 27, 1999, 2:01 PM
Jared was startled by his door bell. Not really a door bell--a buzzer. A really awful sounding thing. A loud, obnoxious, ugly sound. It always startled him. Even if he was expecting someone. And this time, he wasn't expecting anyone, so it was almost a shock.
As he made his way down the stairs, he set his facial expression and his attitude to be ready to deal with the religious proselytizer or salesperson or whoever was disturbing him. He wasn't happy about being interrupted; he was right in the middle of a new story, and for once, it felt like it was just flowing out of him. He was honestly expressing some important feelings. Getting a lot of stuff off his chest. He could often do that through his stories. It was so much easier to express feelings through his fictional characters than as himself with the real people in his life.
Reaching the bottom of the stairs, he swung the door open.
"Hi," JC said meekly.
Jared just stared at him, eyes wide open, mouth open.
"Is it okay I came? I'm really sorry about how I acted on the phone. And about Christmas. And about a lot of things. Will you forgive me?"
Jared recovered from his surprise. "What? Forgive YOU? Will you forgive ME?"
JC's eyes looked sad but compassionate. "I don't think I have anything to forgive you for. Not as long as I get another chance to do better."
Jared reached out and grabbed JC's arm, pulling him through the doorway, shutting the door behind him. They stared at each other for a couple moments, then moved simultaneously into a tight hug--neither wanting to let go of the other.
"I'm so sorry I fucked up about Christmas," JC whispered near Jared's ear. "I just didn't think. And I hurt you. And I hurt me too--I missed you so much."
"I'm sorry I didn't talk to you about what was bothering me. I'm sorry I ran away--again," Jared whispered back.
They slowly pulled back and looked deeply into each other's eyes, then moving into a kiss--sweet, gentle, then more and more passionate, each trying to express the depth of their feelings.
When they finally pulled apart, Jared motioned up the stairs and followed close behind JC. At the top of the stairs, JC took Jared's hand and pulled him along toward the sofa. They sat side by side, not too close, turned toward each other.
"I missed you so much," JC told Jared, holding Jared's hand between his, playing with it gently.
"I missed you too. I was very stupid to deny myself even a second with you."
"No, you did what you had to do. I was just really insensitive."
"I should have talked to you--you were right. I tend to run away or put it all in a story or something. It's just really frightening to me."
"And I had no idea how hard it is for you to talk about it. I hope you'll trust me enough someday to know you can say anything to me."
Jared's eyes filled. He was overwhelmed by how he felt at that moment. He could only nod his head in response.
They sat silently for a few moments.
"So, um, did you, uh, talk to Justin?" Jared finally managed to ask.
JC nodded. "Yeah. Pretty weird. Still seems so strange."
Not being able to read JC's face or words clearly, Jared asked, "What happened? Did it go okay?"
"Yeah, it did. It was all so amazing." JC seemed awed by his experience. "I went to his room. He was sitting on his bed listening to some new CDs. I just stood in the doorway watching him for a couple minutes. Then he noticed me. He looked at me with this wonderful smile. It was like so compassionate. So loving. I guess I must have been looking pretty scared. And he just said, 'I know, JC.' I just stared at him. 'Cept I couldn't see him so well--my eyes were all full of tears all of a sudden. He just kept smiling, but he got up from the bed and walked over to me and grabbed me in this big hug. And he said, 'I know, and it's okay.' And I grabbed him and hugged him back."
Jared felt the tears start to fall from his eyes as he listened to JC. He wondered when he had become such a crybaby, but he realized that he was really touched by the depth of emotion JC had shared with Justin.
"After we hugged forever, he pulled me over to the bed and told me to sit down, and he sat down next to me. And he asked me to tell him all about you and how we met and how long we've known each other and everything. God it was so wonderful to be able to talk about you--about us. To tell him about all these really important things. The most important things in my life--and they've been secrets from everyone I knew."
Jared smiled as the tears continued to run down his cheeks. JC reached up and wiped the tears away as he smiled at Jared.
"How'd he know? How long's he known?" Jared asked.
"He said he's kind of known forever. But it really became clear in the past few months when I was always wanting to go off to my room alone or would check my e-mail a lot. And would spend time on the phone, kind of secretly and stuff. And was always disappearing when we were in Orlando."
"Smart fellow, huh?"
"Yeah. And a good friend."
"Sounds like it."
"Yeah. And he really yelled at me for not planning Christmas with you."
"He yelled at you? I'm sorry. He shouldn't have done that."
"Yes he should have--but he didn't need to. I'd already figured out what a mistake that was--for both of us."
"Hmmm . . . And the others? Does he think they suspect anything about you? Has he ever talked to them about it?"
"No, they haven't talked about it. We don't know what they think. Probably just that I've been moody or something."
"Hmmm . . ." Jared smiled as he thought about it. JC looked at him and smiled. "So it's okay?"
"Yeah. It's like unbelievably okay. So cool. . . . So Jared, how are we? You and me? How are we?"
"Um, okay, I hope. Are we?"
"I want us to be," JC said seriously. "I'm really sorry I didn't understand. But you have to tell me more, okay? Don't close me out. Don't run away. I know it's hard, but please trust me."
Jared looked down, sure that his face was turning bright red. "I'll try. . . . Um, I decided something. I went to a therapist last week. I decided I want to start seeing him. Do you think that's weird? Think I'm crazy?"
"NO! I think it's great! Like you said, you have 'demons' to deal with--he can help, right? And I want to help--if I can; if you'll let me."
Jared looked up into JC's eyes. "Thanks. I was kinda scared about how you'd feel about the therapy thing."
"It's good, right? You like the guy? Think he'll help?"
"Yeah, I do like him. I told him about some of the basic stuff, and he said that we could look at it together, learn about why I do some of the things I do. What I'm afraid of or whatever."
JC smiled. "I'm really glad, Jared. I'm glad you went--and are going to go."
"Thanks Josh."
"I want you feelin' better--you should be happy. I want you to be happy." They smiled at each other. "HEY! I have a surprise for you," JC said, suddenly very excited. "It's one of your Christmas presents--if you'll take it."
"Okay," Jared said, curiosity showing in his voice and in his expression.
JC smiled. "It was kind of Justin's idea. I think he even mentioned it to you."
"What?"
"It's a plane ticket. To Hawaii."
"WHAT?" JC was shocked and then thrilled by Jared's scream.
"You know I have to work--we have concerts Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. But you can come to those. And we can be together whenever I'm not working. . . . We can sleep together." JC comically moved his eyebrows up and down quickly. "And most importantly, I can see you the last day of this millenium and the first day of the next. . . . Will you go?" JC asked as he looked into Jared's wide, excited eyes.
"Really? Really? Hawaii? With you?"
"YES!" JC laughed. "Yes! Hawaii with me!"
"But when?"
"We have to go tomorrow night. Your ticket is for Wednesday morning. When do you have to be back at work?"
"I'm supposed to be in the office Monday morning."
"Okay. So you'll have to come back Sunday, I guess; you can't get any more time off?"
"I can call and ask; don't know, with being out sick."
They sat and looked at each other a moment, then Jared screamed in delight. "I'm going to Hawaii! I'll see you on New Year's eve!" The two men grabbed each other and bounced up and down on the sofa, squealing like two prepubescent *N SYNC fans.
As they calmed down, still grinning at each other, Jared whispered, "I love you so much."
"And I love you so much. . . . I have another gift for you. But you have to promise to use it--a lot!"
"Hmmm . . . that's mysterious."
JC pulled a small package from his pocket, wrapped in crinkled Christmas paper with a hand-tied bow. "This is for you."
"Nice wrapping!" Jared said with a small laugh.
"Hey! It looked better before I got here. It's your fault--all that hugging smashed it."
"Well, okay--wrinkled for a good cause." Jared pulled the bow and the ribbon fell away. He then ripped open the paper to reveal a cellular phone. His eyes got big with excitement. "For me?"
"Yes. And my number is already in speed dial--and voice dial! So you have to promise to use it, okay?" JC asked, with a serious look on his face.
"Yeah," Jared said, staring at the phone. Then he glanced up and saw the worried look on JC's face. "YES, I will use it!"
"You better. We have to start talking more, remember? More connected. More honest. More open."
"Yes sir, I will do my best, I promise."
"Good. At least once every day, okay?"
"Okay."
"PROMISE!"
"YES, I promise!"
"Okay."
"Let me get your presents--though they aren't as good as mine," Jared said, kind of sadly.
"Hey, if they are from you, they are wonderful."
"I'll get them," Jared said, starting to rise from the sofa. Before he could get to his feet, JC pulled him back. He lost his balance and fell onto JC's lap. "Hey!"
"Hmmm . . . this is nice."
"Why'd you do that?"
"Cause this is the best present you could ever give me--letting me hold you."
"Silly."
"That's me. And I also need to ask you something."
"Okay."
"What are you doing the rest of the day?"
"Nothing. Spending as much of it as possible with you--till you have to leave."
JC held Jared close. They had ended up with Jared leaning back over JC, the back of his head resting against JC's chest, just below JC's chin. JC rubbed his cheek and then his lips across the top of Jared's head, savoring the feel of Jared's soft hair against his face. "I have a favor to ask you," JC whispered.
"Anything for you," Jared answered immediately.
"Well, I won't hold you to that. I'd like you to have dinner with me tonight."
"Of course! You want to go back to Max's? They gave us that table back in the corner last time. Anyway, most people there were too old to have any idea who you were."
"Um, no," JC answered nervously, "That's not where I wanted to go."
"Where then?" Jared asked curiously. "Some new place?"
"New to you. Old to me."
"Oh, cool. Someplace you like?"
"You could say that. . . . I want you to go to a barbecue with me--at Justin's house."
Jared jumped away from JC turning to stare at him in disbelief.
"You don't want to go. It's okay, I understand. You'd be uncomfortable," JC responded to Jared's reaction.
A few more moments passed before Jared regained the ability to speak. "No. I mean, yes. I mean, I don't know about being uncomfortable, but wait . . . are you sure? Really sure?"
"Yeah," Jared said in a calm voice, a slight smile on his face.
"Who will be there?"
"Justin. His mom and step-dad. Chris and his family. Lance and Joey are both doing something with their families. And, um, my parents and my brother and sister," JC finally managed to get out, looking at the sofa between them. He finally glanced up to Jared's face to find a look of total disbelief. It made him smile--almost laugh. "You look like you're in shock."
"I think I am. You want to take me where all those people are going to be? Who will you tell them I am?"
"My friend Jared. I mean, I wish I could tell them the truth--I mean, that is the truth, or part of the truth. I'm sorry Jared. I'm just not ready to walk in there and tell them all everything. But I want to be with you. And I want you to meet them. I want them to meet you. I may not be able to tell them how important you are to me, but at least you all can meet."
Jared stared at JC for a moment. "That's really sweet, but don't you think they might start figuring something out? And what are we going to answer when they ask things like how we met? How we know each other. All that."
"Well, we'll just make something up. You're a writer. You can make something up, right?" JC asked hopefully.
"Oh sure, no problem!" Jared answered sarcastically. After a pause, "Seriously?"
"Yeah, seriously."
"Well, I don't know. The best lies are close to the truth, probably. And if they ever found out the truth, they wouldn't be hurt as much. Maybe you read a story I wrote about *N SYNC--it just can't be gay. Fanfiction isn't all gay--or sexual--or romantic."
"Okay. Yeah. What's the story then?"
"Give me a minute, will ya! Sheeze!" Jared said, then laughed. "Okay, seriously, let's see. Um, some story where *N SYNC like saves someone's life or something. Some kid's life. You guys are like heroes."
"Okay. . . . Maybe no-one will ask for details," JC said hopefully.
"Oh, thanks."
"Well, we just want to be able to answer the broadest questions. So, I wrote you about the story. And we started e-mailing, cause it was nice to have a friend outside of music--someone who wasn't just a kid in love with *N SYNC."
"That was tactful."
"Shut up. Anyway, I found out you lived in Orlando, so we decided to get together when I was home a couple months ago--to have dinner and discuss your writing."
"What if they ask for the site? The website?"
"We'll put them off. We'll tell them we'll e-mail it to them later."
"'What a tangled web we weave . . . '"
"Shut up. You want to do this or not?"
"I'm sorry. . . . I want to do it. I just don't want to feel so awkward or scared that I'll look like an idiot. . . . And I don't want to mess things up for you."
JC smiled. "You won't. Don't worry. Hey, we'll get Justin to play along--like you guys have met before. Then it won't seem like you're just my friend."
"That helps," Jared said as he nodded his head sideways.
"So you'll do it? You'll come?"
Jared took a deep breath, audibly. "Yeah."
JC smiled broadly. "COOL!"
"What time?"
"We should leave in an hour. Hey, that means we have time to play around some!"
"No we don't! I have to figure out what to wear and iron it and shave and shower and get my hair to look okay and everything."
"It's just a barbecue!"
"It's just meeting everyone who is remotely important in your life!"
"Not everyone," JC chuckled.
"Thanks."
"Well, can we play a little if I iron for you?" JC asked with his best sad little boy face.
Jared laughed at him. "Can you iron or will you just burn everything?"
"Hey, I know how to iron!" JC answered indignantly.
"Okay. But just for a few minutes. How late will this thing go on?"
"Not too late. Then we can come back here!"
"Will you? For the night?"
"Sure! I'll have to give you a ride home anyway."
"So good, we can play around then."
JC looked dejected. "Wait, that wasn't the plan!"
"It is now! But you can still iron for me."
"Goodie," JC answered, showing he could use sarcasm too.
"Come on, help me figure out what to wear," Jared said as he stood and pulled on JC's hands trying to get him to stand up. But he had made himself dead weight.
"Only if you pay me--in kisses!" JC smiled up at him.
"Will do. I love you Josh."
"I love you Jared."
December 27, 1999, 3:31 PM
Jared stood in the shower, head back under the spray, rinsing his hair. He thought he heard JC calling his name; but then nothing. He finished up and pulled back the curtain, grabbing the towel. He finished towel-drying his hair and his body, then wrapped the towel around his waist as he combed his hair.
JC walked into the bathroom with his cell phone to his ear. "Yeah . . . yeah. . . . Okay. . . . Hold on a minute."
Jared curiously watched JC's reflection in the mirror as he heard him speak into the phone. JC came up behind Jared and rested his chin on Jared's naked shoulder. "Hey sweetie. Um, Justin's on the phone. Wants to talk to you."
"Huh?" Jared said to JC's face in the mirror.
"You know, so he can seem like he already knows you when we get to his house."
"Oh. Okay." Jared took the phone and put it to his ear. "Hello?" JC turned his face to Jared's neck and began first to nuzzle it, then kiss it, moving from the side to the back.
"Hey Jared. How ya doin'?" Justin's voice sounded very friendly.
"Hey Justin." That felt weird; saying that to Justin TIMBERLAKE. "Sorry about being an idiot on the phone this morning. You really caught me off guard, you know?"
Justin laughed into the phone. "Hey no prob. I was kinda pushin'. Didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."
Just then JC licked down Jared's bare spine. "Uh," escaped Jared's mouth, at least an octave higher than his voice would usually be. He arched his back away from JC's tongue. "Josh!" he whispered.
Justin laughed again. "What's he doing?"
"Um, nothing. He was just, uh, annoying me," Jared tried to cover. JC began to massage Jared's shoulders.
"Yeah, I bet! He said you were in the shower. My imagination is going crazy."
"Um, okay. Um, it will be nice to meet you," Jared hoped he was managing to be coherent.
Justin was giggling at this point. "I'm sorry. It just seems like JC's making you really uncomfortable."
"Or too comfortable," Jared let slip.
"OH! Good one!"
"Sorry about that. Didn't mean to say that out loud." Jared tried to elbow JC behind him and to wriggle away from his grasp, his hands still firmly holding Jared's shoulders.
"So, Jared, we're supposed to know each other already. Think we can pull that off?"
"I hope so. I'm kind of nervous about embarrassing Josh."
JC leaned into Jared's right ear (the phone being at his left). "Hey! You could never embarrass me!" JC said, then grabbed Jared's earlobe in his mouth, nibbling gently.
"Watch it. I may CHOOSE to embarrass you!" Jared responded. JC gave up, with a smile, and stepped back into the bedroom to leave Jared to peacefully talk to Justin.
"Come on you guys. Get serious," Justin's voice came from the phone.
"We are; sorry," Jared responded. "So, what would you like to know to pull off this charade?"
"Um, let's see. We've met a couple times, right? But I've never been to your apartment--it's in Winter Park, right?"
"Right. Winter Park. Okay, so we've had dinner a couple times? The three of us?" Jared asked.
"Yeah. JC read the story, then had me read it. The only question is why we didn't show it to Chris or the others," Justin continued.
"No. Let's say you did not read the story. It'll be bad enough to coordinate information about the story between Josh and me without you adding to the story," Jared said, in a surprisingly firm tone.
"Okay," Justin responded. "I can live with that."
Jared walked into the bedroom where JC was sitting on the edge of the bed looking at Jared's new phone. "Did you get that Josh? Justin has NOT read the mythical story, okay?"
"Sure, whatever," JC responded.
"Josh, pay attention, please," Jared requested of him.
"So where would we have had dinner?" Justin asked through the phone.
"Um, where do you guys go? You know the restaurants at Downtown Disney?" Jared asked both to the phone and to JC, nudging him to pay attention.
"Yeah, that could work," Justin said, as JC was nodding.
"House of Blues or Rainforest?" Jared asked.
"Rainforest," Justin said.
"House of Blues," JC responded.
Jared laughed. "You each chose a different restaurant. Have you both been both places?"
"Yeah," Justin responded; JC nodded again.
"Okay, we had lunch once at Rainforest--we lucked out that we got there about 11:00 a.m. and slipped in without being noticed or without standing in line. Another time, an evening, we went to House of Blues. There, the manager recognized you guys and gave us a somewhat secluded table. How's that?" Jared asked.
"Wow, you ARE a writer," Justin said. "We could use your scenarios more often!" Jared smiled.
"What'd he say," JC asked as he moved over behind Jared, wrapping his arms around Jared, crossing his hands at Jared's waist.
"He said it was fine."
"I said more than that! Don't be modest!" Justin said into the phone.
"What would we have talked about when we met? Let's see, I work at an ad agency. I don't particularly like it, but it's okay-- pays the bills while I hope to write something that will be published. I have no pets. I live just off Park Avenue in downtown Winter Park. I drive a VW Golf--an old one--silver."
"Okay, okay. I assume you know about *N SYNC? So you'd have information on us--on me from that," Justin said.
"Well, at least how I'VE written you guys! And how the other fanfiction writers describe you!" Jared laughed
"Ah oh," came JC's response into Jared's neck.
"I want to read the REAL story!" Justin told Jared.
"That could be embarrassing! But we'll see," Jared responded.
"Listen, tell JC to call my cell phone when you guys are like five or ten minutes from the house. That way, I'll make sure I'm the one who comes to the door--giving us a minute before you see everyone else, kay?"
"Sure. That makes sense. I'll tell him," Jared said to Justin. "Justin, I really, really appreciate this. For Josh and for me. He really does mean the world to me. I'd never do anything to hurt him--I hope you know that."
JC pulled back from Jared's neck, still holding him around the waist, and just stared at the side of his head.
"Hmmm . . . ," Justin said in to the phone--almost an audible smile. "Jared, from everything JC has told me and from talking to you, I think you sound like a great guy. I just wish we really had already gotten together a couple times--I'd like to be that much closer to being friends with you."
"That was very sweet of you. Thanks Justin," Jared said, with a smile. "I better go finish getting ready. Do you want to talk to Josh?"
"No. OH! Hey! It just struck me. You ALWAYS call him 'Josh,' don't you? Almost everyone else calls him JC. I mean, it's probably okay, but some people might notice. You guys talk about it and see if y'all think it's a problem, okay?" Justin suggested.
"Good catch," Jared said. "Thanks again. See you soon."
"Later!"
Jared looked at the phone a moment and determined how to turn it off. He turned his body toward JC, still within JC's arms.
"What was that last bit about?" JC asked.
"He said some really sweet things. He also pointed out that I call you 'Josh' all the time, instead of 'JC'; think that's a problem?"
JC had moved his face to Jared's neck. "Hmmm . . . I love it that you call me Josh. I don't want you to call me JC."
"Even in front of everyone else? I mean, will it seem strange?"
"I don't think so. We've gotten to know each other separately from the others, so it would make sense. The old 'I'm JC to the fans--I wanted to be Josh to you' routine."
Jared looked concerned. "Whatever you say. Just remember I offered. Listen, as much as I hate to leave your arms--ever--I have to get dressed. In that nicely ironed shirt you did, right?"
"Um, oh, uh, I called Justin . . . I'll do it now," JC said apologetically.
Jared smiled, "I'll do it. Just giving you a hard time."
"Interesting phrase," JC said with his eyebrows bouncing up and down.
"Get over it. Tonight I plan to take you to all new heights of ecstasy--but not until we get back here."
JC looked at him seriously. "The barbecue was just cancelled."
"STOP! Silly boy!" Jared laughed, quickly joined by JC in the laughter.
December 27, 1999, 4:45 PM
Justin looked at his ringing phone's caller ID and saw JC's cell number. "Hey JC, where are you? You almost here?"
"Um, JC is here, um, driving; I'm not sure where we are, but he said to call and say we are about five minutes away," replied Jared.
"Oh Jared, sorry man," Justin answered. "So you guys are almost here?"
"Josh, we almost there?" Jared asked.
"Yeah, just turning onto Willow."
"Did you hear that? Just turned onto Willow," Jared reported into the phone.
"Cool. Oh, Joey's here; you'll get to meet him. And Chris's mom isn't here--just Chris," Justin told Jared, who repeated the information for JC.
"So are there many people there?" Jared asked.
Justin let out a small laugh. "You aren't getting nervous, are you?"
"GETTING? I passed nervous over an hour ago," Jared responded with a laugh. He looked at JC to see a concerned look. "I'm kidding Josh; I'm okay."
"No you aren't, are you," Justin asked. "But don't worry, everything will be okay."
"Thanks. I'm going to hold you to that!" Jared spoke into the phone again. "See you soon, kay?"
"Yeppers!"
Driving up to the house, Jared noted eight cars in the drive and on the street out front. He was torn between being more nervous at the size of the gathering and relieved by the number--a larger number might mean he would be less noticeable.
JC parked then reached over and grabbed Jared's hand. "It's going to be fine, okay? I promise! And if it isn't, we'll make some excuse to leave."
"Okay. You know that we can't just hang together the whole time-- that would look suspicious."
"Justin will help. He's cool with it all," JC said, trying to calm Jared's nerves.
Just then the front door opened and out walked Justin Timberlake-- right there in real life. Jared was suddenly more nervous than ever. Justin walked directly to Jared's door and opened it. With a huge smile he held out his hand to shake Jared's. Jared managed to take Justin's hand. "Hey Jared. Great to meet you--or great to SEE you AGAIN!" Justin exaggerated with a laugh. Jared found Justin's laugh contagious, joining in and feeling relieved.
"Thanks Justin. Good to meet you too," Jared responded.
Justin continued to smile broadly as he looked over to JC. "How you doin' JC?"
"Good."
"You guys ready?" Justin asked them.
"Yeah," they responded together.
"Okay. But, I think you may want to let go of each other's hands before getting out of the car!" Justin was obviously having fun with this whole thing. JC and Jared quickly let go, but shared a sincere and loving look as they did so.
The first people they came to inside the house were Justin's mother and JC's mother who were chatting in the dining room just off the entry way; they were gathering some serving dishes to take to the kitchen. They both looked up as the three young men came in the front door. "Hi sweetie," Karen Chasez said to JC as she walked over to give him a hug. Lynn Harless looked on, curious about the young man she didn't know.
"Hi Mom," JC said, returning the hug. "Mom, Lynn, I'd like you to meet our friend Jared. Jared, this is my mom, Karen, and Justin's mom, Lynn."
Both women smiled warmly at Jared. "Nice to meet you, Jared," Karen said.
Lynn walked over and extended her hand to shake Jared's. "Welcome to our home. Very nice to have you."
"Thanks so much for having me. Nice to meet you both," Jared responded, only somewhat nervously. He hoped it didn't show.
"We're just getting some dishes. Why don't you guys go on out back. Chris and Joey and the others are all out there," Lynn told them.
"On our way," Justin said, leading the others through the house toward the back yard.
"So far so good," JC whispered to Jared as he followed closely behind him. Jared just smiled over his shoulder.
Out back, Jared discovered a large lanai opening onto a screened pool and patio area. Outside the screen cage was a beautifully landscaped yard including several tables and chairs. He quickly counted some ten or twelve people, some inside, some outside the screened area; all involved in conversations of two or three people. Jared experienced only a slight panic feeling, realizing that it was a relief to not have to face the group as a whole.
As they came into view, a girl who appeared to be eighteen or twenty years of age started toward them. "JOSH!" the girl called out.
"Hey Heather! How are you. What'd you guys end up doing today?" JC asked.
"We just went shopping. Had lunch at Rainforest. That was pretty cool."
"Cool," JC responded. Jared stood watching the encounter.
Justin turned to Jared. "JC's sister," he said softly.
"Oh, I'm sorry. Heather, this is our friend Jared. Jared, my sister Heather."
"Hi, nice to meet you," Jared said.
"Nice to meet you too," Heather responded, looking at Jared curiously. He wasn't sure if she was suspicious or attracted.
Just then, two men came toward them. Jared recognized Joey and Chris from the many photos and videos he had seen of them.
"JC! Man how are you?" Joey said in a big, full, happy voice. Jared felt an immediate liking for this guy.
"Hey guys, what's up?" Chris said in a more subdued, but still friendly voice.
Jared looked on as the four members of *N SYNC greeted each other. He was suddenly aware of eyes on him; looking to the side he saw Heather staring at him. He just smiled and looked back at the four band members as JC pulled him forward by the arm toward Joey and Chris. "Guys, I want you to meet our friend Jared."
"Hi! Nice to meet you," Joey said, grabbing his hand in a firm shake.
"Hi. Nice to meet you too," Jared responded with a big smile.
"Hey," Chris said, as he took his turn shaking Jared's hand.
"Hi."
"So is Paul cooking yet?" Justin asked, looking out toward the yard, thereby turning everyone's attention toward the back lawn as they started making their way past the pool and out of the screened area.
Going into the lawn area, Jared watched the group disperse some, JC being pulled along with Chris and Joey. Heather walked over toward a couple men who were talking; Jared assumed that one must be JC's father.
Justin came up next to Jared. Smiling he asked, "How ya doin' so far?"
"I'm okay. How AM I doin' so far?"
"Doin' fine. Tell me more about your writing. After all, I'm supposed to know." He half whispered the last sentence.
They talked for a while, Justin seeming to be genuinely interested in Jared's work. Eventually, Paul, Justin's stepfather, called Justin to come and help him. "You be okay?" Justin asked Jared.
"Sure, no problem." Justin bestowed Jared with one more smile, full of caring and friendship, and walked toward his stepfather.
Before Jared had time to even look away from Justin, Heather spoke to him from behind. "Hi again."
"Hi!" Jared said as he turned toward her.
"You live here in Orlando?"
"Yeah, actually in Winter Park. Know where that is?"
"No. It's another part or something?"
"Yeah, the other side of Orlando from here. It's a separate city, but sort of surrounded by Orlando. It's nice there. I live downtown near a nice shopping street. Very nice area."
"Cool. How did you meet Josh and Justin?"
Here it was. Somehow he wasn't surprised that it was Heather who confronted him first. "I'm a writer. Josh read one of my stories. Then got in touch with me."
"Huh. Must have been really good. Was it in a book or a magazine or what?"
"Um, actually, it was on the Internet. It was in an on-line archive."
"That's interesting. What's it about?"
"Well, this is kind of embarrassing. You'll think I'm some kind of obsessed fan or something," Jared said laughing; but noted that Heather was not laughing. "It was a fanfiction piece--a story about *N SYNC." Jared could feel himself blushing. And Heather was doing nothing to make him feel more comfortable.
"And Josh read it? Wonder how he found it."
"I don't know. Don't know that he ever told me. But he wrote me an e-mail about it, and we started corresponding. He found out that I lived in Orlando--"
"Winter Park."
"Um, yeah, Winter Park, and when he was here one time we got together for dinner." Jared was feeling ill. None of this sounded remotely innocent--at least not to his ears.
"You write other things than *N SYNC stories?"
"Oh, yeah. Only the one fanfiction piece. I've been working on lots of short stories. One full-length novel. I work at an ad agency to pay the bills." Jared looked to the side away from Heather and rolled his eyes. He now heard himself as sounding defensive. He really wanted to crawl into a hole.
"Heather, would you come and help Lynn and me bring out the things from the kitchen?" It was her mother calling her. "Excuse me Jared; hope you don't mind me taking her away from you."
"No, that's fine. But may I help too?" Jared responded.
"No, no. You enjoy yourself!" Karen responded as Heather followed her toward the house.
"So who is that guy?" Joey asked Chris. They were standing alone at one side of the yard, both looking toward Jared where he stood alone as Heather walked away with her mother.
"Not sure. They said he was a friend of theirs--Justin's and JC's?"
"I guess. I didn't really get it. Doesn't seem to know anyone else here."
"Nope."
"Hey, how ya doin'?" JC said as he approached Jared from behind him. What is it with this family? Jared wondered. Always seem to sneak up from behind.
He looked to see JC approaching with two cans of Coke, holding one out for him. "Hey. Doin' okay. Interesting chat with Heather."
"Really? She's cool. Glad she didn't leave you alone."
"Curious girl. Asked a lot of questions. She usually so protective of you?"
"Protective?" JC laughed. "Naw. She was probably just being nice. Don't be paranoid."
"Sorry." Jared's voice couldn't hide his hurt.
"Hey, I'M sorry. I didn't mean it that way," JC said with concern. "I don't think she was meaning anything by it. I really do think she was probably just curious. Or maybe she wants you." Then he whispered, "But she can't have you."
Jared smiled back at JC's big smile.
"Come meet my dad." Great, Jared thought. Out of the frying pan into the fire.
"That looked cozy," Chris observed.
"Uh huh," Joey agreed.
"So were you getting to know Jared some?" Karen asked Heather as they were each placing food on platters in the kitchen.
"Yeah. Just talking a little."
"How do Justin and JC know him?" Lynn asked from the other side of the kitchen where she was preparing a large salad.
"Josh read a story he wrote on the Internet and then contacted him."
"Really? I didn't know he was a big Internet surfer," Lynn observed.
"Apparently."
"What was the story about?" Karen queried. "Must have been a good story to make him want to know the writer."
"It was about *N SYNC." Both mothers looked up from what they were doing to stare at Heather; she looked back and forth from one to the other. "Don't ask me. I didn't read it."
"Is that what he does for a living?" Karen continued the questions.
"Nope. He works in advertising. He's writing a book or something."
"About the boys?" Lynn asked.
"I think a novel. You guys should really interrogate him yourself; that's about all I know," Heather said with a crooked smile.
"Dad, I want you to meet my friend Jared," JC said as he approached his father who was taking at turn at the barbecue.
Roy Chasez turned toward JC, then looked beyond him to Jared. With a big smile, he extended his hand, "Howdy, Jared. Nice to make your acquaintance."
Jared felt a smile spread across his own face in response to the friendly greeting. "Hello, sir. Very nice to meet you."
"Sir? Hey, you be sure to stick around. You could be a good influence on these guys!" Roy said, laughing.
"Hey, don't make us look bad!" JC kidded Jared. "Paul give you cook duty?" JC asked his father.
"Yeah, I think he was heading into the house for something. Hope he doesn't think I've taken over for the duration. Everyone will be sorry--never was any good at this stuff!"
"Catch that. Meetin' the 'rents," Chris nodded his head toward Jared, JC, and Roy.
"Sounds serious," Joey responded.
"Let's make this fun," Chris said to Joey, with a smile. "Come on." They moved toward JC. Yelling across the distance between them, Chris called to JC. "Hey JC, could you come over here a minute? Need to talk to you about something."
"Sure, be right there."
"You are a shit!" Joey whispered to Chris with a smile.
"Be right back," JC said to his Dad and Jared.
"You any good at cooking, Jared?" Roy asked, continuing in his friendly manner.
"Oh, I can do okay with a stove--but I'm not a real cook. No experience with outdoor cooking, I'm afraid. Guess I won't be much help."
"That's okay. Keepin' me company while I'm roasting my arm and face is good help!" Roy told him.
"I can do that."
"What kind of work you do, Jared?"
"I work in advertising--I'm a copywriter. But I really consider myself a writer. I hope to publish a novel someday. I write a lot of short stories too."
"An author. That's great. What kind of writing do you do?" Roy asked, as he continued to stare at the grill, moving the meat around as he thought best.
"Um, fiction. I guess mostly real-life stuff; least I hope so! I mean, I don't do mysteries or sci-fi or any of that. Mostly interactions between people. Romantic encounters. Stuff like that."
"How do you come up with the ideas?"
"Hmmm . . . I wonder too! The better ideas seem to just come to me. If I try to force it, I get into trouble."
"That makes sense. Also sounds like that makes you a REAL writer--I bet you'll be well-known one day!"
"Thank you sir, I appreciate your confidence."
Justin came up just then, thinking Jared might need or want rescuing. "Hey Jare--you get pulled into working?"
"No, just keeping Mr. Chasez company."
"Hey, I was kidding about the 'sir' thing--call me Roy," JC's father said to Jared.
"Thank you, sir--Roy."
Justin watched and smiled. "Hey Roy, looks like some of those burgers are almost ready to be hockey pucks!" Justin laughed.
"I never claimed to know what I was doin'--go tell Paul he shouldn't have left me with this thing."
"Come on Jared, let's go get something to put this stuff on before it all gets burned up."
Turning to follow Justin toward the house, Jared looked back and said, "Good to meet you, Roy."
"Good to meet you, Jared."
"So how's it going?" Justin asked, as they walked away.
"You keep asking me that," Jared laughed. "I appreciate the concern--but can't help but wonder if you think it's all going to explode in my face."
"Naw! Just curious."
"Well, Roy was great. Heather seemed like she was doing an inquisition earlier."
Justin laughed at the thought. "I bet she could!"
"That was mean," Joey said to Chris when they were once again alone.
"It was FUN! Anyway, he seemed to be doin' fine even before Justin saved him."
The food was laid out on several long tables and all were told to help themselves. Some stood and ate, others found chairs at the various tables.
JC found Justin and Jared and walked with them toward the buffet. They got there just as Tyler Chasez approached. "Hey little bro. How ya doin'?" JC greeted him, and they grabbed each other in a brief hug. "You buy anything good today? Heard you guys went shopping."
"Got some great new CDs. Have them in the car. Finally got Savage Garden. And Blaque," Tyler answered.
"You just now got Blaque? What were you waiting for?" JC questioned with feigned indignity.
"I was waiting for you to give me one, that's what I was waiting for!" Tyler laughed.
"Hey Tyler, want you to meet Jared--friend of JC's and mine," Justin said to JC's younger brother.
"Hey, how ya doin'?" Tyler said, holding out his hand.
"Good. Good to meet you," Jared responded, shaking the hand.
"That completes the family meetings, doesn't it? Assuming he met Mom in the house."
"Yeah, they wouldn't have gotten through the house without meeting the mothers," Joey agreed with Chris.
"So who are all these other people?" Jared asked JC when they were sitting alone at a table, waiting for Justin and Tyler to join them.
"I don't even know. Looks like there are three or four couples that must be friends of Lynn and Paul. Not sure."
"How's the food, guys?" Justin asked as he arrived at the table.
"Good. Very good," Jared replied.
"Recon time. You go join them, I'm going for Heather. She was talking to him for a long time," Chris told Joey.
"Yes, general," Joey laughed.
"Hey, it's the only thing remotely interesting about this little gathering! Give me a break!"
Chris took his opportunity when Heather headed for the kitchen with an empty platter her mother had given her to refill.
"Hey, need any help?" Chris offered.
"No, but you can come with me."
"Cool. How's college?" Chris asked to continue the conversation. They talked briefly about the classes Heather had just completed before Christmas break and those she would be starting in January. They had become casual friends over the years, and it wasn't unusual for them to spend some time chatting.
Chris finally approached the subject of greatest interest to him. "So that Jared guy. What's his deal?"
"Friend of Josh's--and Justin's too, I guess. You never met him before?" Heather asked.
"Naw, never seen him before."
"Hmmm . . . He lives in Winter Haven or Winter Park or someplace? Somewhere on the other side of Orlando."
"Oh. That where they all met?" Chris continued the interrogation, trying to sound as casual as possible.
"What am I, your news source? I AM majoring in communications, but not journalism!" Heather laughed at Chris and his curiosity.
"Hey, just askin'; no big deal," Chris answered, feeling the blush in his face--knowing he'd been caught.
Heather laughed at Chris's discomfort. "Here's what I know. Jared wrote a story about *N SYNC; posted it on the Web; Josh read it; e-mailed him; they wrote back and forth; found out he lives here; met up when Josh was in town. That's as far as I got before Mom dragged me away. Oh, and he writes short stories and is working on a book. Works at an ad agency. And if you have any poop I don't have, SPILL!"
Chris smiled. "You're good. No, I don't have anything else. . . . So, you interested in him?"
Heather looked at him, cocked her head to the side, and simply said, "No."
"Okay."
Outside, Tyler had left the table to change into his swim trunks to go into the pool; he had promised his mother he'd only paddle around until the requisite hour had passed after eating. Joey had taken his seat, joining Justin, JC, and Jared.
"We may be back in Orlando, but it's still too cool for swimming, if you ask me--even in a heated pool!"
"Got that right! But Hawaii! THAT'll be warm enough!" Justin said with a big smile! "Can't wait!"
"A lot of work, but afterward, it'll be great!" Joey agreed.
"This be your first trip to Hawaii, Jared?" Justin asked, smiling toward him.
Jared literally choked on his Coke as he heard the question. JC looked at Justin with nothing short of a panicked look on his face, then turned to pat Jared on the back--in the usual response that is of no real benefit to someone who has swallowed wrong.
Jared regained his composure, though his voice came out a little like a croak. "Um, no, never been before."
"Cool, you'll love it. It's beautiful, and the weather is wonderful," Justin continued, refusing to be flustered. He turned toward Joey, whose eyebrows were raised in a questioning expression. "Jared's getting away to go to Hawaii the same time we're there," Justin answered Joey's unasked question.
Both Jared and JC admired how Justin had just casually informed Joey of Jared's trip to Hawaii, while also making it seem as if he had just chosen to make the trip at the same time--no reference to a connection to JC and certainly not to the fact that the trip was in fact a gift from JC. They both hoped that their own responses hadn't ruined the impression.
As the last remnants of light from the setting sun disappeared, Paul lit torches around the yard, but most people chose to start moving into the lanai area or even into the living room as they continued their conversations.
Joey and Chris came together near the barbecue under the pretense of helping to clean up the area.
"Get anything good?" Chris asked.
"Oh yeah," Joey said, his smile threatening to stretch his face beyond its physical capacity.
"WHAT?" Chris practically yelled.
"You first, what did you get from Heather?"
Chris related the information about Jared's writing, his work, and how he and JC had met. Joey listened intently, but could not wipe the smile off his face the whole time Chris spoke.
"Okay, Smiley! What did you get?" Chris asked.
"He's going to Hawaii with us!"
"GET OUT!" Chris yelled again.
"Shhhhhhh. Quiet!" Joey cautioned him.
"He's going with us? Are you sure?"
"He's going to be there when we are--not sure when he's going or if it's with us. But he'll be there at the same time. Justin mentioned it like it was no big deal, but Jared started choking on his Coke and JC looked like he was about to shit his Calvins." The two couldn't have been more thrilled than they were sharing this bit of gossip.
Jared carried some empty dishes into the kitchen, finding himself there alone with Lynn and Karen.
"Oh, thank you, Jared. You didn't need to do that," Lynn said, taking the things from him.
"I don't mind. May I help? It seems like you two have been stuck in here all day," Jared offered sincerely.
"Don't be silly. We were out in back. And this gives us a chance to visit with each other. You go back out there with the guys," Karen told Jared.
Lynn, however, found herself too curious to allow Jared to get away quite so fast. "Before you go, if you really don't mind, you could help me put some of these dishes away on the top shelves of the cabinets." She was very proud of how fast she thought of the excuse. "Just give me a minute to finish washing them. Why don't you have a seat here on this stool." Karen watched her friend Lynn, curious about her intentions, but not sorry to have an opportunity to learn more about Jared herself.
"Sure, no problem," Jared answered as he took a seat.
"I'm so glad you were able to join us today, Jared. I hope you will come back often," Lynn said. "This is sort of *N SYNC head- quarters in Orlando, with Chris and JC living here along with Justin."
"Oh, well, thank you; that's very kind of you. I would love to visit again. You have a lovely home, and you both have wonderful families."
"Thank you," both women said at once.
"What kind of work do you do, Jared?" Lynn asked, knowing the answer from her earlier discussion with Heather. Karen threw her a glance.
"I work in advertising. I do copywriting," Jared answered, aware that perhaps high shelves had nothing to do with Lynn's desire to have him stay in the kitchen.
"Oh, that must be interesting," Lynn offered.
"Only rarely--at least to me. I guess my heart's just not in it. I dream of writing novels and short stories. Actually I do write--it's the getting published that's the dream; at least for now."
"What kind of things do you write?" Karen asked.
"Oh, stories of people interacting. Sometimes it's family members, sometimes it's friends, sometimes it's lovers. I guess I'm more into characters than plot--I mean, I don't write mysteries or anything like that."
"Hmmm . . . sounds interesting. Sounds like the kind of books I like to read," Karen told him. Lynn looked on, happy that Karen was sharing the interrogation duties.
"Well, I hope one day to have something for you to read," Jared told her.
"Don't you have things now?" Lynn asked. "Have you had any of your work published?"
"No not yet. I've not really tried yet. I guess I've been wanting to get something to the point that I think it is good enough to show someone. I don't relish the idea of rejection--or a series of rejections. So, I want to know that it's as finished as I can make it."
"You sound like Joshua; he's such a perfectionist about his music," Karen noted.
"I guess I misunderstood something earlier. I thought I had overheard someone say that you met JC after he read one of your stories." Jared realized that Lynn knew more than she wanted to let on--was trying to play ignorant to see how he would answer the questions.
Jared let out a small laugh. "Oh that. That's kind of embarrassing."
"Embarrassing?" Karen asked.
"Well, I stumbled onto a genre known as fanfiction--stories about famous people, put in totally fictitious situations. I read several of them, and being between more serious projects, I sat down and wrote one--and the subject was *N SYNC. It's embarrassing because I hate for anyone to think that I'm some crazed fan. I do own their CD, but before reading some of the stories, I wasn't even sure which of the guys was which." Jared laughed nervously, as the women continued to work, glancing at him periodically.
"So anyway," Jared went on, hoping he wasn't digging his own grave, "I did a little story and posted it, just to see if anyone would like it. And one of the responses I got was from Josh. I'm not sure how he happened onto it; probably just laughing at all the *N SYNC stuff out there. He didn't tell me it was him--and I wouldn't have believed him if he had. But he liked the story, and we ended up having an interesting correspondence. I guess it's sort of like penpals of fifty or a hundred years ago; e-mail has opened up all kinds of possibilities. Somewhere along the way, he told me who he was, and I told him I lived in Winter Park, and we decided to get together when he was in town. Then later I met Justin as well. They're really great guys. And I guess they like knowing someone who isn't a crazed fan. Guess they have to deal with that enough, huh?"
"Yes they do. And people who want things from them," Lynn said.
Her comment felt like a slap to Jared. He wasn't sure it was intended that way--she hadn't even looked up from her dishwater when she said it. Jared noticed Karen look quickly to Lynn and then toward him; he looked away before trying to read her expression.
Karen tried to steer the conversation in a different direction. "Jared, were you with your family for Christmas?"
"Um, no. I was with a friend down in Lauderdale. My parents are both dead," Jared answered. Karen had no way of knowing that this change of subject would do nothing to put Jared at ease.
"I'm so sorry," Karen said, as she gave Jared a look of sympathy. Lynn looked up and toward him as well, looking as if she were trying to judge his sincerity.
Jared looked at them in turn. "It's okay. I certainly wasn't looking for sympathy. My mother has been dead for quite a few years; my father for about two."
"Do you have other family?" Karen asked.
"I have one brother. He's much older than me. We aren't really close." Jared was aware that his voice was sounding tired--or even strained. He hoped it didn't show too much. He knew it was because he wanted out of there. He wasn't feeling nearly as welcome as he had earlier. But in fairness, these women were just looking out for their sons and their families. He had to respect that. It was just tough being on this end of their scrutiny. It must be nice to have someone look out for you, he thought.
"Jared? Jared?" Jared suddenly realized that Lynn was standing in front of him holding several large dishes.
"I'm sorry, I guess my mind was somewhere else for a moment," Jared said to her.
"That's okay. I was just saying that if you'd help me with these bowls--put them up in that cabinet--we'd let you get back to the others. I think you've been stuck in the kitchen long enough." Jared hoped that what he saw in Lynn's eyes was an expression of trust; that she didn't believe him to be looking for something from the guys. Perhaps she just felt she had gotten as much information as she could for this visit.
"Sure, no problem." Jared stood and easily placed the bowls on the top shelf. "Anything else?"
"No, I think that's all," Lynn said. "Thanks."
"Sure." Jared's voice was again showing far more emotion than he wished. He turned to leave the kitchen.
"Jared?"
He turned to see what Karen wanted.
"I'm glad Josh and Justin had you come today. I'm glad to have had a chance to get to know you. And I'm glad you are their friend."
Lynn looked on without saying anything.
"Thanks," Jared managed, though he was very aware that an attempt to say anything further would be a mistake. He walked out of the kitchen and quickly darted into the bathroom off the hall. Locking the door, he sat down and allowed his tears to flow. He wasn't even sure why he was crying. Because he had felt attacked by Lynn? Because he had felt genuine concern from Karen? Because he had been running on adrenaline and nerves for the past three hours? Because he missed having a family of his own that he felt a part of? Because he dared to dream of one day feeling a part of this family--this extended *N SYNC family?
The tears didn't last long, but the release was a comfort. He walked out of the bathroom and down the hall toward the living room. JC met him in the entry hall.
"Hey, how ya doin'?" JC asked.
"Okay," Jared answered.
"I'm not sure you look okay--did something happen?" JC was immediately concerned.
"It's just been a really long day. Lots of emotions, you know?"
"Yeah, I DO know. This morning seems a million years ago."
"Sorry, I was forgetting all that you went through today--with Justin and all. But I'm glad it went so well." Jared longed to hold JC in his arms; to comfort and be comforted.
"Hey, let's get out of here. I just need to tell everyone bye."
"I do too, huh?" Jared asked.
"Not if you don't feel like it. You don't have to be a good little boy!" JC laughed.
"Thanks for the pass, but I think I can face this one!"
Jared followed JC from room to room where JC would announce that he was leaving to give Jared a ride home. They said their good- byes to everyone without incident. Jared again felt a real liking for Roy, who made a point of saying a sincere goodbye to Jared, saying he looked forward to seeing him again. Heather said nothing to Jared; he said nothing to her.
In the den, Joey, Chris, and Justin were watching TV. JC told them that they were heading out.
"Nice to meet you, Jared," Joey called with a smile.
"See you in Hawaii," Chris added. Jared knew his face was blushing, and he saw JC's doing the same. Oh yeah, we're fooling everyone, Jared thought.
"Yeah, see you," Jared managed out loud.
"I'll walk you out to the car," Justin said, standing to follow them out of the room.
"You're wicked," Joey whispered when the others were out of the room.
"Just have to stop at the kitchen, and then we can go," JC said.
"Um, I've sort of already said goodbye in there, I'll just head on out to the car," Jared said. Both JC and Justin looked at him curiously, but he ignored their looks and turned toward the front door. Justin followed.
Outside, walking toward the car, Justin asked, "Did the moms give you a hard time?"
"Huh? Oh, um, not really. I think they were just a little curious--as everyone was. And maybe a little protective. That's nice, actually; for them to be protective."
"Not if you feel like you're the one they're protecting us from," Justin said intuitively.
"Yeah, I guess. I guess I'd like someone to protect me too." Jared laughed. "Isn't that silly? I'm twenty-nine years old and want someone to protect me!"
"I think it makes lots of sense," Justin said. "Hey, it really was nice to get to know you some. I'm lookin' forward to really spendin' some time with ya." There was that smile again. Jared thought Justin deserved every adoring fan he had.
"Thanks for all your help," Jared responded.
Justin stepped forward and grabbed Jared in a hug--surprising him. "Everything will work out fine! Trust me!"
Jared allowed himself to relax into the hug for a moment. It felt good.
Justin pulled back. "See you soon, okay? I'll go send JC out here so you guys can get going."
"Thanks Justin."
JC unlocked the car with his remote. He and Jared got in and sat in silence for a moment.
JC finally looked over at Jared. "We made it!"
Jared smiled and turned toward JC. "Yeah."
"You sorry you came?"
"Not right now. But I'll also be happy to be home."
JC understood the gentle hint and started the car.
On the drive home, Jared related his various experiences to JC, trying to be as objective and fair as possible. JC didn't question any of Jared's reactions or feelings; he acknowledged that the mothers were probably curious. He also felt proud that it was his mother that had seemed to reach out more to Jared.
"Your dad's great," Jared told JC.
"Yeah, isn't he?" JC smiled. "I really love him."
"You surprised me. You weren't nearly as nervous as I expected you to be. Why?" Jared questioned.
"I don't know. I really don't know. I noticed that too. I only lost it when Justin said what he did about Hawaii. A little warning would have been nice!"
"You're telling me! Actually he was really smart about it--but we screwed it up."
"Yeah, afraid we might have. But you know what? It's not nearly as scary as I thought it might be."
"That's good," Jared smiled. He allowed himself to imagine for a moment a time in the future when their relationship might be known--and accepted--by all of Josh's friends and family.
They rode in silence for a while.
"It seems like so long since we've been together," JC said.
"Hmmm . . . Somehow I don't think you mean 'for dinner'!" Jared said with a smile. "Nervous?"
"Anxious," JC smiled.
"You haven't opened your Christmas presents yet. We have to do that when we get home."
"COOL! Can't wait!" JC acted silly and excited making Jared giggle.
"Hope you like them. They aren't as expensive as your gifts to me," Jared said with some embarrassment.
"Hey! What I gave you had nothing to do with money--they had to do with being with you and talking to you. Being closer to you. That was the point--not the money," JC clarified.
"Well, I appreciate them. Even if the trip makes me a little nervous." JC turned to start to say something, but before he could get a word out, Jared put two fingers on JC's mouth, "And it makes me very, very excited!"
JC parted his lips and used them to pull the fingers into his mouth.
"NOT while you're driving!" Jared yelled. They giggled as they approached Jared's street.
Upstairs, Jared had JC take a seat on the sofa but had difficulty getting free of his hands to get the gifts. JC finally acquiesced, allowing Jared to walk away from him.
Jared returned from the kitchen with a bottle of champagne and two flutes. He placed them on the coffee table in front of the sofa.
"Mmmm . . .," JC moaned, as he made a grab at Jared before he ran away toward the bedroom, leaving JC laughing behind him.
Jared reentered the living room carrying beautifully wrapped packages.
"Wow! Santa sure left a lot of things here! ALL for me?" JC asked, doing a very good impression of a little boy--though Jared suspected he wasn't acting.
"You are SO cute!" Jared laughed. "Let's open the champagne first."
Jared placed the packages on the coffee table and slapped JC's hand as he reached for them. "Wait! There's a special order." Jared carefully opened the champagne, twisting the cork slowly, not allowing a single drop to bubble over.
"Wow--you're good at that!" JC said, impressed by Jared's skill.
"I have all kinds of talents you haven't seen yet!" Jared said, as he filled the two flutes, handing one to JC.
"May I make a toast?" JC asked.
"Please."
"To my Jared--my love, my soulmate, my life. I thank God for bringing you into my life." JC spoke the words with such feeling that it took Jared's breath away. JC clinked his glass against Jared's as he stared into his eyes.
"I love you so much."
They each sipped from their glasses.
"You are so amazing, Josh. I don't know what to say."
"You said it--you said you love me. That's all you ever have to say."
They smiled at each other for a long time. Then JC suddenly put his glass on the table and jumped up and down on the sofa. "Time for presents, time for presents, time for presents."
Jared laughed loudly. "You are such a silly boy!"
JC just agreed by smiling a silly smile.
"Okay, one at a time--as I give them to you. NO grabbing!"
"Okay, okay," JC said quickly.
Jared handed him the first package. JC put aside his silliness to carefully unwrap the package.
"We're not saving the paper! You can actually rip into it!" Jared told him, but JC ignored him and proceeded slowly.
Inside he found a multi-CD box. "Billy Holiday!"
"Yeah. It's this full collection--all 'digitally remastered' or whatever."
"COOL!" JC said as he leaned over and gave Jared a kiss. "I love them! Can we put one on now?"
"Sure. Pick one, I'll put it in the stereo."
As Jared returned to the sofa, JC was shaking a box.
"STOP!" Jared reprimanded. "But that is the next one. You can open it."
Inside, JC found beautiful silk pajamas. "Beautiful! And ORANGE!"
"You like them?"
"YES!"
"There's one stipulation, though. You have to leave them here. You're cute in your boxer briefs--or less! But there's nothing sexier than a man in jammies! Nice, soft, silky jammies!"
"Ooo, you are getting me hot! Shall I change?"
"Yeah! Do! Model them for me."
"Okay," JC said, as he stood and headed for the bedroom. "No peeking!" Jared laughed. He refilled the glasses while awaiting JC's return.
JC made a grand entrance from the bedroom. The pajamas hung perfectly on him--just large enough to seem to flow around his body.
Jared let out a whistle. "I am in love!"
Laughing, JC asked, "With me or the pajamas?"
"Don't ask questions you won't like the answers to!" Jared laughed. "And come closer!"
"I love the feel of them--they're wonderful!" JC said as he moved toward the sofa.
"Mmmm . . . I see what you mean; they DO feel wonderful!"
"You better stop, or we'll not be opening any more gifts!"
"Well, there IS ONE gift I hope to open later . . . "
"Later!"
"Sit. Next gift!" Jared smiled as he handed JC the next package.
"I LOVE my presents! That CD is great!"
Opening the package, JC found a small book. He looked at it quizzically.
Jared looked over at the book. "OOPS! That's MINE!" He screamed.
"Ha, ha, very funny!" JC said, as he handed Jared the book, "Justin: Unofficial N Sync in My Pocket." "I can't believe you bought that!"
"Hey, everyone knows he's the cutest one!" Jared kidded JC.
"Hmmm . . . Do I need to worry about you two?"
"You should be VERY worried!" Jared laughed.
"NEXT PACKAGE!"
"Do the little one."
JC ripped off the paper to find a small jewelry box. He lifted the lid. Inside was a key. JC looked up at Jared with a questioning expression.
"It's a key to this apartment. I've never given you one. I want you to have it. So you can come and go any time you want. So you'll think of this as kind of your place too," Jared said softly.
"I love it. It's my favorite gift yet!" JC said sweetly. "Well, except maybe for the Justin book. That picture on the cover is pretty hot."
"STOP!"
"This one next?" Jared nodded, as he sipped his champagne.
The next package contained a beautifully bound, leather-covered journal.
"It's for you to write in. Whatever you want. Maybe a poem. Or lyrics. Or whatever. Maybe just your special thoughts. And you don't ever have to show it to anyone. But if you ever WANT me to look at it . . . I will."
"Ha! That was subtle! It's beautiful. I don't know if I want to write in it!"
"You better! That's what it's for. And you have to fill it up by next Christmas, so I can give you a new one!"
"Yes sir!"
"One more present. It's not something I bought. But I hope you'll know how much it means to me."
JC frowned as he looked at Jared, trying to understand. He picked up the wrapped box and carefully unwrapped the gift. The paper tossed aside, he slowly opened the box. Inside, he found a book. It was hand bound--one of those things you can have done at Kinko's.
JC didn't understand at first. He lifted it out of the box and opened the front cover. The page inside the cover gave the title: "A Long Way to Here." Below the title was the author's name: Jared Wright.
JC looked up at Jared with a huge smile on his face. Jared was staring at him with a questioning look. "It's a wonderful gift! You finished it?"
"Yeah. Just last week. . . . No one else has read it--not even any pieces of it."
"It's the most wonderful gift, Jared. Thank you so much! I can't wait to read it!"
"Look at the next page."
JC turned the page. It read: "Dedicated to Josh, who made the 'long way to here' worth every minute." JC looked up at Jared. Both men's eyes were full of tears.
"You know, if you read that, you'll really, really know me. They say everyone's first novel is autobiographical. It's certainly true of this one. Maybe you'll understand me more. Especially how I feel some times. I'm sorry you have to put up with me being depressed. I hope the therapist will help. You've given me the best reason I've ever had to want to feel better. I don't want to subject you to my problems."
"Jared, I'm so sorry you get depressed. I don't really understand it, but I want to. I want you to explain it to me. I want you to let me help you with it. Please?"
"You do help me. Thanks Josh. Thanks for being you."
They hugged and held on to each other; loving the feel of each other; the smell of each other; the sound of the other one breathing. After a few minutes of holding each other, they gradually parted.
"How about some more champagne?" Jared asked.
"Hmmm . . . sounds nice."
"You almost ready for bed? I know how much you like to sleep," Jared said to JC with a smile.
"Well, I was thinking about bed, but not necessarily sleep." JC wiggled his eyebrows up and down.
"You look so silly when you do that! I love it!" Jared laughed.
"Tonight was my favorite Christmas ever," JC said seriously. "Thank you."
"You're welcome. I hope it's just the first of many."
"It will be, I promise."