I dedicate this to Becca.. Her question inspired me.
Disclaimer: I don't know if Nsync is gay, Nether me, nor the Archivist imply that they are by this being posted. The song is "Always you" by Jennifer Paige
The Singing Madman Candy Kane Summery: This is in Chris's POV (Point of View).
Looking at myself til the mirror shatters
That is part of the small part of a song that is in my head. I don't know who sings it, some chick.
The next part goes:
I hear a mad man sing his tune, he says "It's only love that ever really matters"
It seems fitting that just that part is in my head. Here I am, standing in front of a mirror, evaluating my everything, like i had never seen it before, because I'm in love... with a man.
Yes, I, Christopher Alan Kirkpatrick, am in love with another man.
I know what I'm thinking. I have a girlfriend. The wonderful, beautiful, Dani. I love her, I do. She never misses a thing. That's why she was the one who told me I loved a man.
"I know you love him and you don't even know it," She had said. "I see the way you look at him You never look at me like that. He is the one who has your heart."
I will not use the word "gay", or "homosexual". I'm not either one! Never have been, never will be. I just happen to love someone. So what if that "someone" is a "he". I've loved guys before. The other 3, I love them.... just not like this.
He is just so..... him. His voice can drive me crazy with desire. He is so young.... and his eyes. Oh my God his eyes. I could forever get lost in their color. Nothing compares to his ass...... its just so..... cup-able.
I fall to the ground and bang my head against the wall as all the blood in my body rushes from one head to the other.
This is wrong, so, so, wrong. A "he" can not love a "he". "He" can't love "him". It's not ...... normal.
But when is anything really "normal"?
God, I can't help it. I want how I feel for him to just go away. I hate this. I hate how he makes me feel. I HATE that I love him. I hate how my hear skips a beat when I hear the man's voice. I love a man and I can't help that. I hate that, I hate that, I HATE THAT!!!! I hate being helpless and ... in love with him.
This is wrong. How I feel is wrong. I has to be. But how can Love, something that feels so right, be so wrong?
How can anything about him be wrong.
This is wrong!!!! I CANNOT love a man. I, a man, can not love "him".
I look at my watch and notice it's time to go and face him.
This is so wrong but all I can do is go out there and sing like a mad man. ........... Feedback???
-Candy Kane
http://www.geocities.com/angelusette
"I have suffered from being misunderstood, but I would have suffered a hell of a lot more if I had been understood." -- Clarence Darrow