Disclaimer: If you're too young, too old, or too straight please don't read this. If you don't like N Sync don't read this. Or if you don't like me don't read this, that and fuck off please :). I don't know N Ysnc or their sexuality. All songs in this story and it's other chapters are c 2002/3 ME!!! or to the people I list at the bottom of the chapter.
Chapter 4
I woke up the next morning in what I took as a motel bed. I turned over to see if Justin was lying beside me, sure enough he was sitting there. I expected to see him staring at me again, but he was simply sitting down with his legs folded together playing with his fingers. "Oh hey, Paul, you're up." He said, turning to me. "How are you?" He asked.
"Well, I'm pretty cool. I'm still in shock a little." I said. "Where are we J?" I asked, a little confused.
"Well, you remember last night remember?" He asked. I nodded. "I wanted to take you home, but there were no plains headed to Florida yesterday or today. So we're stuck in the backwoods boondocks until Thursday." He said laughig. "Wanna watch some TV?" He asked.
"Ok, I guess. I think I'm just going to lie here though."
"Ok." He said. He switched on the TV and went pail.
"What's wrong J?" I asked.
"Nothing." He said, trying to switch off the tv, but the remote wasn't really working that well, so it didn't switch off.
"Justin, I know you. We've been together for 3 weeks, I know when you're upset." I said. I looked up to the TV, which was switched onto MTV. "Oh my gosh, Justin." I said pointing to the TV. "The guys, they're singing on TRL!" I yelled again. Justin nodded. "What about me?" I asked to no one in particular.
About 3 hours later the phone rang and Justin answered. "No you can't talk to him you fucking cunt!" I heard him say angrily.
I walked up to Justin and took the phone from his hand gently. "It's OK." I said to Justin. Hello?" I asked into the receiver. "Uh huh, yeah, yeah I need to think this over." I said. With that I hung up the phone. "They want me back." I said to Justin.
"You can't be serious." He said.
"I told them I needed to think it over.
"What's to think over? They hate you Paul!" He said, his voice getting louder.
"I know, but I mean, what am I going to do? I don't know what I want to do. I mean it's not like I could make it on my own."
"Paul, you carried that group, the rest of them, they have a little talent, but none can sing or write like you can." I said. I shook my head.
"I'm not that talented."
"Paul, don't tell me you can't see it? You're a star baby. You've got star quality. They need you, that's whay they want you back." He said.
"Maybe, I don't know." I said. "I'm tired, I need to lie down." I said.
"Sure," He said, kissing my forehead. "Have you a good nap, and then we'll go get some dinner." He said to me. I kissed him and went to the bedroom, but I didn't lie down. I took out a piece of paper from Justin's desk and started writting him a note. I had to get out of here, I just couldn't think.
I went off to collect my thoughts, I just couldn't cope with all of this.
~Justin~
I walked into my room after 2 or 3 hours to check on Paul. I noticed the window beside the bed was open, and the wind was blowing the curtain. I looked down and saw a note.
Dear Justin,
I just want you to know that I love you, I really do. I just can't think here. I need to be alone, I just can't be with you right now. I'm too fucked up. You deserve better than me.
Paul...
I quickly ran to my car and jetted off. I looked all the small town the place for his car. I finally found it at a bar, which was weird because he was only 16. I parked and burst into the doors. I saw Paul sitting there talking to the bartender. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" I screamed.
~Paul~
Justin looked at me, like he was about to burst. "How the fuck could you do that to me?" He asked. Just like a bad movie the band stopped, and everyone looked our way. "I love you, and you just ran off. I mean, I could've helped you, but did you want my help? No, you'd rather be alone. Fine, you want to be alone? You've got it, I'm threw with you." He said harshly, and started to leave. "That the hell are you looking at?" He screamed to the man at the door. I couldn't leave it like this. He thinks I've got talent and my voice can do anything?
"Here goes nothing." I said to myself. I ran up onto the stage. "Hi." I said to the band on stage. "Look, I'll give you 20 bucks if you'll let me do as song." I said. They nodded. "Just follow me." I said. Justin was almost out the door when I started singing...
I would like to know why There are clouds in the sky Eerytime I fall in love And i would like to know why I'm sitting here on my own And I would like to know why When I find a nice guy Someone I can lean upon I go and mess it up and then I wonder why I'm all alone
Suddenly the guitar player kicked in as well as the drummer
Just tell me if you think that I I'm talking way too much Tell me if you'd like to stay in touch
I would like to say that I I never ment to make you cry I think about you everyday No matter what our friends might say And everybody knows my name But I know I'm still the same I just would like to say that I I never ever ment to make you cry
Justin looked up at me, a tear in his eye. I kept on singing.
Sittin on the sofa Lettin life go by thinkin bout the early days Thinkin bout the times that I hurt you in my crazy ways All I wanna do is look around for you, yeah Drive until the break of dawn Track you down cold, baby plead until you come on home
Tell me if you think that I, I've been a bit too much Tell me if you'd like to stay in touch
I would like to say that I I never ment to make you cry I think about you everyday No matter what our friends might say And everybody knows my name But I know I'm still the same I just would like to say that I I never ever ment to make you cry
Justin was almost crying now, as was I. I continued.
I didn't mean to be so cruel I didn't mean to let you down I'm sorry for all the rain on your parade and all of the blam that ya gained because of me
I would like to say that I I never ment to make you cry I think about you everyday No matter what our friends might say And everybody knows my name But I know I'm still the same I just would like to say that I I never ever ment to make you cry
I finally finneshed and looked up at Justin. Justin was still standing at the door. For a second I thought i cought a glimpse of a smile, but he just turned and walked out the door. It was over.
I walked to the motel about a bottle of vodka and 2 hours later. I could hardly walk, and lord knows how I got home. I opened the door and found Justin watching tv. I went straight to the bedroom and got my bag out. I started packing my things as Justin walked in. He came up behind me and hugged me, whispering he loved me in my ear. I turned to face him, lying my head on his chest. "One second." he said. He walked to his CD player and put in an orange cd. Suddenly a song came on. He came back to me and hugged me. We started dancing to the slow, mellow song.
you were there for summer dreaming and you are a friend indeed and i know you'll find your freedom eventually for eternity
"I love you." He said to me. I smiled up at him, but he turned and started putting things into my bag.
"But, but Justin." I said.
"I can't be with you, Paul." He said. "I can't be with someone who might leave me if things get tough, I'm in this for the long run. I want the whole thing, I want the fairy tell, and I'm not going to settle for less." He said coldly, placing a pair of my underwear in my bag.
"But that's what I want too Justin!" I screamed. "I want you, only you. I don't want to settle for anything, or anyone else than you. It's you I want." I said. He stopped. I was facing his back. He turned around smiling a bit.
"That's what I wanted to hear." He said smiling, a tear escaping his eye. He came to me and hugged me. "I only want you." He said. "And I don't want you in a situation where you can get hurt when I can stop that." He said. "I don't want you to hurt. You should never have to again." He said smiling. I nodded.
"Well, there's no need to worry about that." I said smiling. I handed him a piece of paper.
"What's this?" He asked.
"Before I went to the bar I went to my lawyer." I said.
"You have a lawyer?" He asked giggiling.
"Hehe, stop. Anyways, yes, I do. And I asked him to draw these up." I said smiling.
Justin began reading aloud. "The party of the first part does here by... blah, blah, blah." He said trailing off. I started laughing. "What does all of this mean?" He asked. I took the paper from him and took it to the main office.
"Do you have a fax machine?" I asked the man at the desk. He nodded. "Can you send it to this number?" I asked, putting the piece of papper down, and writting the number on it. He nodded. "Thanks." I said. Justin, who had followed me to the office, followed me back to the room.
"What did you just do?" Justin asked when the door was shut.
"I... I just quit the band, Justin." I said smiling. Justin hugged me.
"I love you." He told me. "But what do you want to do now, a solo album?" He asked.
"Actually, I was thinking of either going into acting and doing some writting, maybe for a certain blonde hottie's solo album?" I said smiling.
"That'd work." He said laughing. Suddenly he got a bit upset.
"What is it J?" I asked.
"Why don't you want to sing though? You have an amazing voice." He said.
"I don't know." I confessed. "I just don't really want to do it that much."
"Don't lie. You told me just last week that singing was what made you happiest in the world." He said,
"Ok, fine,y uo want to know the truth Justin?" I asked loudly. Justin shivered a bit and nodded. "I'm scared, there. There you go, you've to your answer. I'm scared, terrified that I'll get up on that stage alone and I'll choke, or worse I'll be booed. I can't do that Justin, I just can't." I said, a tear forming in my eye.
"You'll be fine. Just answer me this." He said. "Do you like singing?" I nodded. "After being in the 'biz for about half a year do you still like it?" I nodded again. "So after the rejection from the big timers, touring with guys who hate you, and spending God knows how long wishing and hoping for this dream you're going to let a few fears stand in your way of your dream?" He asked.
"It's not that fucking easy, Justin." I screamed back.
Justin started getting a little louder as well this time. "You know," He said loudly, "I thought I knew you. The Paul I knew wouldn't let a couple of butterflies in his stomach get in the way of his dream!" He said.
"Fuck you!" I screamed.
"You know, you're right. You couldn't make it anyways." Justin said. I gasped. "Just what America needs. Another gay popstar. What's speacial about you anyways?"
"I could make it if I wanted to." I said sheepishly.
"Not with an attitude like that."
"Yes I could!" I said strong. "And I'll prove it." I said.
"Don't prove it to me."
"I won't. I'm going to get me a record deal, and I'm going to release an album, and I'm going to show the world." I said strongly.
Justin walked over to me, put his arms around me and kissed me. "That's my boy." He said smiling at me, kissing me.
"Were you fucking with me?" I asked, smiling at him.
"Someone had to." He said smiling. "I mean if I didn't, no one would. Then no one would ever get to hear your beautiful voice." He said.
Songs...
"Cry" - A fantastic song by Kym Marsh from the UK band Hear'Say who were the winners of the popstars tv series.
"Eternity" is by Robbie Williams.
Please email me telling me what you think, hehe.
-LaNcE...