Warning: This is a story about two boys falling in love. If it offends you, please don't continue reading.
Copyrights@ 2001. One Shy Rugrat. All Rights Reserved.
Hey! Chapter 6 is here. Sorry it has taken me so long to write it but I've had to put some thoughts into remembering what actually happened and changing it a bit so its not identical to my life. Anyway, here it is. And thanks for all the support from everyone who has given me suggestions, corrections and just plain nice compliments. Thank you y'all!
Sleepless Nights Chapter 6
Here I was again, in a zone which seemed like my future. Everyone was a bit older and looked a bit different. The same highschool. The same people. But I sensed that things were different. It just seemed that time has passed without me. Jean had cut her long hair short. Eddy's hair grew longer. I walked around campus and saw Kenneth with his SAC executives talking and laughing. I saw his glare and look of disgust out of the corner of my eyes as I tried to avoid eye contact. The hatred that filled his eyes hurt me like an icy icicle piercing through my heart. It hurt. It really hurt. I was surrounded by my friends, even Eddy, Kenneth's best friend, as they comforted me the best they could. Eddy told me he is a selfish bastard. Ada told me he's just a user. Kerry added that he was not worth loving. I just sat with them in a daze looking at him over my shoulders as they continued to preach their '100 Ways to Heal a Friend's Broken Heart'. Realizing I was staring at him, Kenneth rolled his eyes, snared, and then looked away. The icicle punctured my soul and it felt like I was going to suffocate. Everything felt incredibly cold and horrible. Darkness surrounded me. Once again, I screamed!
I woke up in another sweat soaked bed. I looked into the ceiling what my last dream meant and how this one was connected with it. I truly hated dreams that are continuations of one another, it seems like some kind of prophecy waiting to be fulfilled. It was not only dark, but daunting as well. I would never imagine life without Kenneth. I knew I wanted his love. I knew I wanted his acceptance. But I also knew I wasn't going to get it. Life would be so much easier if you didn't have to deal with such heartbreaks. Having to accept my own sexuality is hard enough for me, I don't really need another baggage to hurt me every now and then. All I want is care. Just care.. I was feeling the incredible distance between Kenneth and me again. I needed to step back cause the dreams really scared me. I guess we could be casual friends, but anything more than that would eventually deepen any wound this guy might leave behind.
I didn't get much sleep after the dream. That morning Yvonne called me out for breakfast and I was glad to join her for McDonalds. I desperately needed to be with someone and Yvonne was the best one to take to cause her life dramas are always interesting to keep me from thinking about Kenneth and my dream. At 9:00am, we met at our usual spot in the restaurant. McDonald's Big Breakfast meals are always something to look forward to. I guess I'm just addicted to McDonalds as a whole. Its like heroine. I eat it at last five to six times a week even if its just a snack. After ordering our food, we got settled and Yvonne telling me about the recent episode of her real life soap opera.
"Joe, I'm so miserable. Andrew is always hanging around Cecilia, you know that slut?" whines Yvonne.
"Yeah, I've heard about her from you enough times already. Its hard to keep them apart since they've known each other forever."
"That's why I'm miserable! She's all over him. I hate her! But yet I still have to pretend I like her and all."
"You don't have to do anything you don't like, you know. People should do what they feel is right.."
"Well, Andrew says he's going to go to the movies with her tonight. without me."
"Why don't you tag along? You are Andrew's girl you know."
"Well, I don't like listening to them talk about her life and what she loves. She just goes on forever! She's totally keeping MY boyfriend from me. What should I do?"
"What can you do? Its not like you can tie him down and make him stay." I said while taking a bite at my McMuffin.
"I guess. But we both agreed to stay together while seeing other people to see if we actually miss each other. Sometimes I also feel that we are better off as friends. You know what I mean, Joe?"
"Um, yeah. Sure. I guess. So I guess that means you're free to see other people too."
"Yeah, um.. do you think I make a good girlfriend?"
"Sure. You're a great person and a great friend."
"Um, well, do you think we, um, I mean me and you, would make a good couple? I mean, you don't have a girlfriend. What do you think?"
Shocked by her question, I almost swallowed my hash brown before mashing it in my mouth. "What? You're kidding right?" Though I love Yvonne and all, and she's a great friend, don't get me wrong, but she's just too emotional sometimes and has too much in her mind. Girlfriend? Not for me. Even though I think I still like girls, she's not the type I'm looking for. This girl gets confused so much in her life.
"Um, no, actually."
"Come on, Yvonne, you know I won't go out with you so that you can test if Mr. Potatoe Face loves you. No, I won't do that. That's just wrong. I love you as a friend, but not that way. And since I don't love you that way I can't go out with you."
"Alright. Haha. Thanks Joe. I needed that. I think I'm just going crazy about him and he's really confusing me."
"Haha. I can see that. I hope you're not hurt because I refused."
"No, of course not. I'm fine. I'm glad you refused. I must be going out of my mind for doing that, huh?"
"Yeah. Haha. A bit. I mean, if you two were meant to be, you'd be back in no time."
"I guess. Anyway, how's you're love life? I've known you forever and you haven't had a single girlfriend. What's up with that?"
Embarrassed, I knew I had to find a way to dodge that question quick. "Well, as I said. I don't want to date anyone that I don't have any feelings for."
"Well, who do you have in mind? I'm sure I can hook you up. I have connections. Haha."
"Um. Haha. No thanks. No one in particular right now. Let's talk about something else."
"Alright, what do you want to talk about?" Yvonne seemed to have dropped that question fairly quickly, which is highly unlike her.
"Hey, I heard Kenneth has his eyes on a girl in our school." I had to lay low to prevent suspicions.
"Well, yeah. You know me and him are quite close. He asked me to pick a gift for Carol Gibson. She's my friend too so I know what she likes. Do you know her?"
"No, I know of her though." Suddenly feeling a huge wave of jealousy flowing in my whole body.
"Yeah. So Ken asked me to help him choose a birthday present for her. But he's so cheap. He doesn't want to spend a fortune on her. If he's trying to win her heart, he should at least try a bit harder."
"Haha. Well, maybe since he still hasn't won her over he doesn't want to spend his entire saving on her. I think that's a legitimate excuse." I said trying my best to defend him.
"I know him Joe, he's not that kind of person. He would never make a good boyfriend."
"Why do you say so?" There! I'm finally getting information. The top secret kind!
"Well, he's a selfish bastard sometimes. I can be his friend, but never get too close to him or you'll be hurt. He's just not the same as he used to be. Ever since his grades started to rocket, I think it was your constant influence of studying hard and getting lets of money got his ambitious soul burning, he became so absorbed in fame and money. Why do you think he's studying so hard nowadays? I doubt he cares about anyone but himself. Though I'm his friend, even I have to say this. Your ambition sort of infected him like a contagious disease and its burning hot. I mean, he is handsome and all, but his selfishness will lead him no where. But he's a smart and cunning guy, so he'll get around that probably. But still, nobody in our grade likes him because they know his real person, unlike the little freshman girls who flock all over him."
Oh was my response to Yvonne's warning. I kind of sensed that she detected something but I'm sure I was just nervous and all. I was happy that was able to influence him so much, but was at the same time hurt by finding out he has his eyes on Carol and learning about his true self. No matter what, I still have feelings for him. Am I being stupid for taking such a plunge not knowing if the bottom is water or a rocky pit ? I don't know. I don't seem to know anything anymore. I hate this. Why do I have to feel for such a bastard.. Half knowing that I'd probably jump and find the pits instead of paradise down below, but how can I refuse such a beautiful face?
There are many characters ready for development. However, many of them are not gay. I hope you guys still want to learn about them. I'm ready to take in suggestions now.
Until next time, One Shy Rugrat =) one_shy_rugrat@hotmail.com
Copyrights@ 2001. One Shy Rugrat. All Rights Reserved.