Sleepy Days, Come No More
Chapter 32
I stood there and watched him vanish from sight. I must have become a little lost in thought because the next thing that I remember was Michael's hand on my shoulder.
"Steve." Michael said as he shook my shoulder.
"What." I exclaimed.
"Aren't you going to close the door?" He asked.
I laughed, "Yeah. Of course." I mumbled.
"So, Blake came over with gifts." He acknowledged.
"It would appear so." I replied.
"That was sweet of him." He said with a smile.
"Yes it was." I agreed.
"So what did you get?" He inquired.
"His parents gave me clothes, his sister and her boyfriend gave me a book of poetry and the housekeeper made me a quilt." I informed.
"Is the race track from Blake?" He asked.
"Yeah." I answered.
"Why a race track? Not that I don't plan to use it." He said with a grin.
"Well, when I was a boy, Christmas was a really big deal, at least presents wise. My mother would usually pick up an extra job and my parents would really buy a lot of toys. One year I got a racecar track. I was excited and happy. I couldn't wait to play with it. My dad promised that he would help me put it together but he never did and I never got to use it. I would always ask him if we could put it together but we never did. I told Blake about it." I explained.
"And he bought you one. That is so cool." He exclaimed with a smile.
"Yeah it was very cool." I affirmed.
"And you were awfully cozy on the couch, is there going to be a reunion?" He asked.
"No, just a friendly visit. I don't expect there will be many more." I answered.
"Well, it was good to see him." He said.
"So, how was the party? Did you and Ryan have a good time?" I asked.
"It was okay. Ryan is nice." He informed.
"Just nice?" I asked.
"Nice is nice." He replied.
"Nice is more than nice, nice is a good thing. Nice isn't likely to mistreat you." I said.
"Nice is just nice. It doesn't really excite me, it is kind of boring." He countered.
"Is there someone else you like?" I asked.
"There are a couple of other guys I like. I wouldn't say that either is the guy I want to date but they are the right type." He said.
"What is the right type?" I asked.
"Spontaneous, um, funny, sexy." He said.
"Is that all?" I asked.
"I would like them to be attractive too." He said.
"That is a pretty short list." I observed.
"That is what I want." He confirmed.
"Fair enough." I said.
"Do you want to sleep in your room? I don't mind the couch." He asked.
"Yeah. I think I would prefer that. I want to sleep late tomorrow and it would be nice to be in my own bed." I admitted.
"What about the dishes?" He asked.
"I will clean them tomorrow. I just want to get to bed." I said.
"I'll put them in the dishwasher." He said.
"Thanks I appreciate it. Goodnight." I said.
"Goodnight." He replied.
The next day we took down the Christmas decorations and cleaned the entire apartment. The day after that Michael's bedroom furniture was delivered. Before long I was back to work and therapy. Fortunately school wasn't starting for another week so I didn't have to contend with that.
The preparations for the fair were going well. I was able to get a speaker from the department of mental health and I arranged for the University to provide refreshments. This afternoon I was meeting with Robert and a psychiatrist that he wanted to speak at the fair.
We had our meeting in a small conference room at the hospital. Robert introduced the psychiatrist as Dr. Bernard Mayer. We sat at a round table and exchanged thoughts. We confirmed the itinerary, as well as what type of booths would be available and where they would be located. Dr. Mayer provided us with an outline of his speech and we decided that one of Robert's graduate students could be the master of ceremonies.
We compiled a short list of things that still needed to be done; Robert and I divided them between us. Then we had lunch in the cafeteria and parted ways.
That night I went out for dinner and drinks with Vanessa. We sat at a table and talked as we ate our food.
"So how was your New Year's?" I asked.
"It was fine. I told you that Rico was performing, so I mostly spent the night with my sister and a couple of friends. You know we always have such high expectations for holidays but they never quite meet the hype." Vanessa exclaimed.
"Yes, that is true, but if you adjust your expectations they can be quite wonderful." I said.
"So it is just a matter of adjustment?" She asked with a curious smile.
"Yeah. I mean if you just take the day for what it is and stop trying to make it into some type of movie sequence, things usually turn out better." I explained.
"That might be right." She replied.
"The other night I was watching this movie. I had seen it several times before; there is this dance sequence that I had always found so mesmerizing. I mean I used to wish that I could dance with someone like that, that I could be that fucking happy." I paused and smiled. "The other night I realized that the actors are terrible dancers and that the incandescent happiness that I so longed for was nothing more that fast camera work, great editing, and a sappy song. The scene was probably shot like 50 times and in separate pieces. I spent so long wishing I could have something that was not even real." I said.
We both laughed.
"So what about you? What did you do for New Year's?" She inquired.
"I stuck to my plan. I stayed home and watched movies." I said with a grin.
"Is that all?" She asked.
"No. Blake stopped by." I admitted.
"Really?" She asked.
"Yes." I replied.
"And?" She inquired.
"He stopped by to deliver some Christmas gifts from his family." I informed.
"That was nice. You and his family stay in touch?" She asked.
"His mother and sister send me an email from time to time and I return the gesture. I sent them some gifts for Christmas too." I said.
"Sounds like you are one of the family." She observed.
"For a brief time, very brief." I countered.
"So is that all you two did, deliver and receive gifts?" She asked.
"He bought me a racecar track, one that I had had as a child but was never able to use it. We assembled and raced each other and talked for hours." I said.
"That is so cute." She proclaimed.
"It was nice." I confirmed.
"What did you talk about?" She asked.
"Old Christmases and work." I answered.
"Nothing serious?" She probed.
"No everything was light and comfortable. My hand had cramped from the car controller, so he massaged both of my hands. He even worked his way beside me and put his arm around my shoulder. It was all very sweet and then . . . . ." I stopped and thought.
"What?" she urged.
"Michael came home and there was a little interaction between the three of us, then we were alone again and Blake made a joke about me having a son. I told him that it was his and we were joking around, then it got weird." I said.
"How?" She asked.
"I don't know, he just seemed to get serious. It was like one moment we were playing around the next he was laying into me." I said.
"Laying into you about what?" She inquired.
"He said that I refuse to let people in or that I am too closed off . . . . I don't exactly remember, but something along those lines." I said with a comfortable smile.
"What did you say?" She asked.
"Nothing. There was a short, awkward silence and then he tried to redirect the conversation back to joking, but it was too weird. I suggested that we wrap things up." I explained.
"So he left?" She asked.
"He kissed me." I said sheepishly.
She grinned, "Did you like it? Is that what you wanted?" She asked.
"I liked it, I really liked it. Uh, did I want it?" I paused. "Yes and no." I said.
"Clarification." She requested.
"When he came over and was massaging my hands, putting his arm around me, telling me that he knew that I was going to get my promotion, it was nice. I wanted that, I wanted him." I confessed.
"Do you think that he wanted to be with you too?" She asked.
"Yes." I replied.
"But you didn't pursue it." She said.
"I don't want to have sex with Blake. I am having plenty of sex with Sean, but I don't want that with Blake." I said.
We continued to talk and made plans to get together the next week. Then I went home and worked on a few files and discussed the fair with Michael. The next couple of days passed quickly. I went out with Michael and Ryan Friday night.
We went downtown to Adam's. It was a busy night but not nearly as busy as it had been on Halloween. Ryan and Michael were fast to the floor. I was a little more reluctant. I wanted to take time to observe everyone. I wanted to get a feel for the atmosphere before being absorbed into it.
I stood on the outskirts of the dance floor and watched as all the legions of men writhed their bodies to the music. Some were just having fun, others desperately trying to be noticed. As I watched I wondered how I looked when I danced, if anyone ever watched me like I am watching them. I thought about this for a few minutes, and then decided that I was thinking too much.
I drew a deep breath and became lost in the haze of lights and smoke. I danced for a period of time unknown to me, both alone and with people I did not know. Once my breath had become too short and my body too warm, I went back to the bar.
While I was there I heard a familiar laugh, it was Sean. He was smiling, putting his beautiful dimples on display as he flirted with a handsome dark haired guy. My first notion was to go over and say hello, but when I saw how well they we getting on I thought different.
After a few more minutes I left the bar and returned to the dance floor. At some point I came across Michael who told me that he had spoken to Sean and told him that we were here together. He said that Sean wanted to see me before we left.
This made me feel a little foolish. I mean why should I avoid Sean just because he is out with another guy? I knew that he saw a lot of other guys. I knew what our relationship was. Feeling a bit ashamed about my lack of sophistication, I left the floor and went over to the bar to greet Sean.
As I approached I saw that he was still flirting with the same guy.
"Hello Sean." I said with a smile.
"Hey Steve. How are you?" Sean asked.
"I am fine, not as good as you seem though." I said.
He smiled, "This is Sammy, Sammy this is Steven." Sean introduced.
"Hey." Sammy said.
"Hey." I replied.
"I saw Michael and his friend earlier." Sean announced.
"Yeah. I am their third wheel." I said with a laugh.
"I sometimes like to interact in groups of three." Sean said with a smirk.
"The more the merrier." Sammy agreed.
"Well, I like symmetry, equal parts. Pairs of two seem most appropriate, but I also like a singular portion too." I said.
"We were going to find a table and have some drinks, join us." Sean said.
"Okay." I replied.
"Water or juice?" Sean asked.
"A bottle of water, please." I said.
We received our beverages and found a table.
"How was work?" Sean asked.
"It was okay. How was your day?" I asked.
"I spent most of it sitting on a hard wooden bench, waiting to be called to testify at a hearing." Sean responded.
"That sounds terrible." I said.
"It was terrible. Fortunately I had my iPad." Sean proclaimed.
"What do you do Steven?" Sammy asked.
"I am in nursing." I replied.
"Oh, do you wear a uniform?" Sammy asked with a grin.
"No, Steve is in management. He wears ties and button up shirts." Sean informed.
"Too bad." Sammy replied.
"What do you do?" I asked.
"Well, I am keen on beef and fudge, but I have had my share of fish too." Sammy said which drew laughter from Sean.
"It must be nice to be so versatile, but I was referring to your occupation." I said.
"I am a computer programmer." Sammy informed.
"Do you enjoy that line of work?" I asked.
"Yeah. I've always liked computers." Sammy said.
"Sammy is a hardware specialist." Sean said with a chuckle.
"Yes I am. Do you have any hardware issues that need to be resolved?" Sammy asked.
"I see that you are just as forward as your friend." I observed.
"I like to fuck and I don't like to waste time with bullshit." Sammy replied.
"Bullshit?" I inquired.
"All the games, I mean if we are both adults and want to do something why waste time, let's get it done." Sammy exclaimed.
"You make it sound so routine, like washing the dishes or taking out the trash." I said.
"It is routine. People like to have sex. It feels good, it is good for you. People make it more complicated than it's got to be." Sammy paused. "When you are hungry you eat. You're drinking that water because you were thirsty, so if you're horny you should fuck. It is just that simple." Sammy said.
"Just that simple." I repeated.
"Yeah, simple." Sammy affirmed.
"Steve is more conservative than you or I." Sean said.
"Conservative or repressed?" Sammy countered.
"So fucking everyone makes you free and enlightened?" I countered.
"No, it just makes me honest." Sammy replied.
"This is an interesting conversation, but it is time for us to go." Sean announced.
"You can come too." Sammy said.
"No, I am sure you two will have plenty of fun without me." I replied.
"Yeah, we will be having fun; if you come you can too." Sammy said.
"No means no Sam." Sean said.
"Alright. Well, it was nice meeting you, maybe one day you will take me up on the offer." Sammy said.
"I'll talk to you later Steve." Sean said.
"Have fun." I said.
That night I had difficulty sleeping. My dreams were plagued with images of threesomes and orgies. For the most part I was just a silent observer, but there were a couple of instances that I would find myself ready to engage, but something always happened to prevent my participation.
I finally awoke late the next morning. I was still tired but I scrambled to my feet and made my way to the bathroom. All of my night time experiences had left me in a very hard state. I used the bathroom and took a shower. Then I went into the kitchen and cooked breakfast.
After I ate I watched the news and fell asleep on the sofa. My dreams were again filled with group sex. I could not seem to get it out of my mind. I thought about it for the next few days. What would it be like to be with more than one guy? What role would I want to play? What would people think if they found out? How would I feel afterwards?
Sean and I went out Tuesday evening and then went back to his place for some stimulating activity. Once we had finished our business we talked.
"Is there something on your mind?" Sean asked.
"Yeah, there is." I said.
"Are you going to tell me what it is?" He asked.
"I have just been thinking a lot about the other night with Sammy." I answered.
"What about it?" He inquired.
"I haven't been able to stop thinking about what Sammy proposed." I said.
"What?" He paused for thought and then laughed. "Oh, the threesome?" He asked.
"Yes. I have been thinking about it constantly." I confessed.
"Really?" He asked with a smirk.
"Yeah." I affirmed.
"I didn't think that was your thing." He said.
"I didn't think it was either. I mean I have seen some of the videos, and I have been aroused by them, but I never thought that I would ever consider doing it, not outside my imagination." I divulged.
"Do you want to have a threesome?" He asked.
"I don't know. I just have been thinking about it so much." I replied.
"I think it would be good, if you really want to do it. I mean I can set up something. I could even introduce you to a few guys and you can tell me which you like." He suggested.
"Let's slow down. I am only talking. I just want to know how it is." I explained.
"It's just like sex with one person, but it is more intense, especially the first time." He said.
"Intense?" I inquired.
"Yeah. If you are the focus, then of course. There might be someone sucking you off and eating your hole or kissing you. It is just so many hands and limbs working at the same time. It can be really overwhelming and exciting." He explained.
"Have you been with more than just two guys before?" I asked.
"I have been with four other guys before." He admitted.
"How does that work?" I asked.
"The same way, a lot of touching and sucking, someone might be penetrating one guy and sucking off another or even having someone penetrate him too." He informed.
"That sounds very . . . . . overwhelming." I said.
"Look, take some time, think about it. If you want to try a threesome let me know, I will set it up. If you don't, I will continue to provide you with these exceptional services." He said with a smirk.
"You think your services are exceptional?" I asked with a smile.
"By the look on your face after, I would say that exceptional is an understatement." He countered.
We continued to flirt with one another for a while and then fooled around some more. Later I went home and showered and went to bed. As I showered and even in my sleep I continued to think about the threesome, in fact Sean's description only made me more intrigued. Maybe I had been too repressed. Maybe I should step out of my comfort zone and try something new.
Acknowledgement:
I have received really great comments throughout the duration of the story. Every comment brings joy to my day and I thought I would share some of the interesting comments that I have received regarding chapter 31.
"Wow, Blake sounded a little psychotic...ÿ Hope he is mentally okay...."
Mickÿÿ
"I dont know why but I have the strange feeling that Jonathan is going to be the one that brings Steve and Blake back together.". . . . "Jonathan goes to talk to Steve and pleads, begs him to go back with Blake because Blake's life has spiraled out of control after the break up. Blake has been hooking up with any guy he finds, started doing drugs and also alcohol. One day Jonathan hears Blake in his room saying "If there is no way for Steve to have me back, I don't want to live. He was my focal point and kept me grounded, now that I don't have him, I am doing all this stupid stuff. I would rather die, then spend another day without him." ÿThis is when Jonathan decides to go and talk to Steven."
Adolfo
"And Blake.....well, don't get me started on him.ÿ I'm almost beginning to not like him.
Why can't he just stay away.ÿ It seems he just wantsÿ to continue stirring the pot to see if
Steven will boil over at some point. ÿHe shows up unannounced, uninvited,ÿÿseeming
to be all nice andÿfriendly....and caring, yet when Steven returns the favor by dropping
by to see him, heÿis pushed away, not even allowed in.ÿ I think Blake is still punishing
Steven for having left him.ÿ I'm starting to see him as a mean, nasty person who has to
pick on, or bully someone to make himself feel better."
Jake
I hope you enjoyed the comments. Have fun and Be Safe.
Appreciation:
Special thanks to Oscar, Lou, Arch, Clayton, Jake, Ed, Adolfo, Khalid, Gary, Vern, John, Lance, Oz, Dudung, Alan, Terry, Greg, John J., Harold, Barry, Michael B., Cameron, Randy, Liam, Byron, Kris, Bryan, Fred, Tomaz, David, Joseph, Bruce, Shawn, Bobby, Gregory, Bill, David R., Ron, Bruce, Tom, Mick, Curtis, JT and Mikal for their support, and everyone who has taken the time to follow this story, I really appreciate you all.
Sincerest thanks to Nifty and all of the wonderful participants who make this site possible, from the generous donors to the archivists and administrators, you all are truly appreciated.
Last but not least, thanks to the editor, Raziya, for all of the wonderful work.
Let Me Know:
Please, forward any comments or feedback to bonotorros@yahoo.com.